Had I not let it go like

A stammerer

Or a deaf

Or a person staring vacantly

Had I loved

The moment more passionately

by Chong Hyon-jong

part I: character situations;

where things are brewing

i.

There were about a hundred and one things that Lan Xichen should be doing at this moment instead of babysitting a three year old. He did not mind, honestly. Tending to a lovely little boy was a relief in comparison to the pressing things he was supposed to be doing. He wanted to stay right here; in the wide room bathed in sunshine, playing with a cheerful little boy. He smiled tenderly at the boy shrieking with laughter when the misshapen structure he was building fell down. His little hands picked up the pieces of blocks strewn across the floor and started rebuilding.

Such resilience, Xichen thought, his eyes misting over with the memories best forgotten. If only he could also pick up his fragmented self and rebuild them-into a whole. Unfortunately, he does not even know where those parts of himself are anymore. Xichen was pulled away from his morose thoughts with his cell phone ringing. He pulled it out and answered without looking at it.

"Lan-zoushu, is A-yuan with you?" the tentative voice asked him. Wen Ning. Xichen let out a short breath.

"Yes, Wen Ning. He is on the second floor of the eastern wing." Xichen replied to his unspoken question.

What followed next was Wen Ning apologising for bothering him and thanking him for taking care of his little cousin. Xichen ended the call after assuring that no, A-yuan is not a bother at all. Actually Wen Yuan is the only person in the entire building with whom Xichen did not mind spending his time with. Everyone else falls under the list of people non grata.

Even his beloved little brother, Wangji. Especially Wangji. His dear, foolish and hurting little brother, who is going to have to watch the love of his life marry another in a few hours.

Xichen's footsteps paused in the hall outside the room where Wen Ning is now supervising A-yuan. Xichen knew about the curse that the Lans have suffered through generations: falling in love with a single person. Xichen thinks that the curse is misunderstood because it is not about loving one person for an entire life but never experiencing a requited love. The truth is that the Lans are difficult people to love.

Unlovable, you mean, a snide remark sparked inside his head. Xichen's shoulders dropped from its perfect position. His right arm reached out to the wall to steady himself. His eyes blankly stared down at his shiny shoes.

Now is not the time! He thought fiercely to himself. Indeed, he has to see this wedding through and then stay with Wangji. Xichen had already booked tickets out of the country and reserved a house on top of a mountain. They will stay there until Wangji has gathered enough strength to face a world where Wei Wuxian would never be his. And Xichen would be right there beside him. Always.

Determined, he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He straightened just in time to see Luo Qingyang walking towards him. By the time she reached Xichen, he had already regained his composure.

"Good morning, Lan Xichen." She greeted him. "I have dragged Wei Wuxian from his bed. Where do you want him?"

A spiteful part of Xichen wanted to say that he wanted Wei Wuxian as far away from his baby brother as possible. But of course that is too ridiculous so he settled, rather regretfully, on being rational.

"Good morning to you too, Luo Qinyang." Xichen smiled pleasantly, "Good thing that Wei-gongzi is here. We are on schedule then. You can take him to the groom's chamber. It is located in the west wing, second floor."

Luo Qingyang nodded, her mouth set in a hard line. She walked away without making any further conversation or asking Xichen to meet Wei Wuxian, his soon to be cousin-in-law. Xichen shook his head, time to cross out the hundreds of things he needed to check out. He said a silent prayer for the day to end quickly and as painlessly as possible.