It was quiet afternoon in Southern California. At the Warner Bros. lot, the everlasting Warner siblings, Yakko, Wakko, and Dot, were basking in silence while sitting on the sofa in the water tower. They then began to think about something rather strange. Something that never came to their minds until this very moment.
"You know, sibs, this never even dawned on me until now, but now that I think about it, we're better characters than the Goodfeathers." Yakko said.
"I was thinking that, too. Not to mention that, unlike them, we live in perfect harmony." Wakko said.
"Yeah, I mean, we only fight sometimes, while they fight all the time, mainly Pesto and Squit." Dot said.
"We're also the three main stars of Animaniacs, while they are also main characters, but they don't have as many skits as us." Yakko said.
At a popular park located in the middle of town, there stood a statue of famous filmmaker Martin Scorsese. Three pigeons named Bobby, Pesto, and Squit perched on the head and cooed.
"What a lovely day it is today." Bobby said.
"You got that right." Pesto said.
"No question about it." Squit said.
Soon after, Bobby started thinking about something quite odd. Something that never even crossed his mind until now.
"Ya know, this never dawned on me until now, but we're better characters than the Warners." Bobby said.
Pesto and Squit looked at each other for a moment, both confused.
"How so?" Pesto asked, very curious.
"Yeah, what makes you say that?" Squit asked, also very curious.
"Well, for one, they're just kids, and can be immature at times, while we're adults and are much tougher than they are." Bobby said.
"That's true. Not to mention, they don't really fight that much, unlike me and Squit, who fight all the time, and that makes it entertaining." Pesto said.
"I don't understand how us fighting is entertaining though." Squit said.
"I meant entertaining to Bobby, you dunce." Pesto said with annoyance.
"I feel he's more annoyed by it than anything." Squit said.
"Yes, thank you! Finally someone who gets it." Bobby said.
[Later]
Later in the day, while the Warners were taking a walk around the lot, they happened to run in to the Goodfeathers, who were flying by.
"Howdy, fellas! What brings you here on this fine day?" Yakko asked.
"We were just flyin' by, taking in all the fresh air." Bobby said.
"That's nice. We were taking a walk around the lot, getting some exercise." Wakko said.
"Really? That's cool." Pesto said.
"So cool." Squit added on.
"Mhm." Dot responded.
Suddenly, the Warners and the Goodfeathers began to stare at each other quite intensely, as if some vibe was giving off.
"Listen, um, don't take this the wrong way, but my sibs and I have come to an agreement." Yakko said.
"A rather personal agreement." Wakko said.
"Basically, we've decided that we're better characters than you guys are. No offense." Dot said.
Bobby narrowed his eyes. "Oh yeah? Well, we ourselves have also come to an agreement."
"And that agreement is that us, the Goodfeathers, are better than you guys. In every sense of the word." Pesto said.
"Don't take it too personally." Squit said.
"I see. Well, not to burst your bubble or anything, but I'm afraid you're wrong. It's US who are better than YOU." Yakko said.
"Nah, it's US who are better than YOU." Bobby said.
"Nu-uh, it's US who are better than YOU, by a long shot." Wakko said.
"No, kid, it's US who are better than YOU!" Pesto said.
"Mmm-mmm, it is US who are better than YOU!" Dot said.
"Nay, it US who are better than YOU!" Squit said.
This went on for quite awhile until the conversation was starting to get heated. The two trios cooled down.
"Alright, yelling at each other is getting us nowhere." Yakko said.
"You're right, this is getting intense." Bobby said.
"How do you propose we settle this?" Wakko asked.
"I know! We can ask Plotz, see what he thinks." Pesto said.
"Great idea! He always knows what to do." Dot said.
"Eh, not always." Squit said.
The Warners and the Goodfeathers went to Mr. Plotz's office. They knocked on the door loudly.
Inside, Mr. Plotz looked up. He was annoyed to say the least.
Why do people always have to bang on my door?
"Come in!" Mr. Plotz called.
The Warners and the Goodfeathers entered the office in a jiffy.
"Hello, Warners. Goodfeathers. What can I do for you guys?" Mr. Plotz asked.
"Mr. Plotz, we need you to be a judge." Yakko said.
"A judge for what?" Mr. Plotz asked, making a face.
"All of us are having trouble deciding who's better, so we need your opinion." Bobby said.
Mr. Plotz titled his head. "Okay, I have so many questions. First of all, why are you deciding who's better?"
"'Cause, not to toot our own horn, us, the Warner siblings, are better characters than these pigeons." Wakko said with pride.
"Don't listen to him, sir. It is us, Bobby, Pesto, and Squit who are better than those meddling kids." Pesto said.
"I think none of you are better than each other. Let's just leave it that before I get a migraine." Mr. Plotz said, rubbing his forehead.
"Come on, Mr. Plotz, this is important to us, and we can't let it go right now." Dot said, getting desperate.
The old chairman of the board sighed. "Alright, fine. Where are we having this discussion?"
"Preferably the lot." Squit said.
"Let's go then." Mr. Plotz said, getting up. He and his employees left the office.
The Warners and the Goodfeathers stood to face each other, looking straight in the eyes, while a tired Mr. Plotz watched them.
"Just so you know, I'm not getting any younger here. Just wanted to tell you guys that. Now, I guess let the discussion begin." Mr. Plotz said.
"Thank you, Thaddeus. Okay, first thing's first, let's get our personalities out of the way. Us Warners are happy, cheerful children, while you guys are very tough and dominating." Yakko said.
"Well, that gives us Goodfeathers an advantage. Being tough can get a person out of trouble." Bobby said.
"That's true, but becoming mean can stem from that also, don't forget that." Wakko said.
"I feel like I'm being attacked." Pesto mused.
"Another thing, let's talk about your name. It makes ZERO sense. 'The Goodfeathers'. What does that even mean?" Dot asked.
"Hey, don't insult our name! It means we're good pigeons, and we have feathers, too, so it counts for something." Squit said.
Mr. Plotz just watched with his arms crossed, darting his eyes back and forth. In his mind, he thought this was the stupidest discussion he has ever witnessed.
"Aside from that, we're also better in terms of popularity." Yakko said.
"Oh really?" Bobby asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah. Us Warners, as well as Pinky and the Brain, are the face of Animaniacs. You three are pretty popular in your own right, but not as much as us." Wakko said.
"What? You're sayin' us Goodfeathers aren't popular enough for the general public?" Pesto asked.
Mr. Plotz was starting to get irritated by the fact that the Warners and the Goodfeathers were referring to themselves as 'us Warners and 'us Goodfeathers'. None of them were posh at all.
"Maybe." Dot said.
"Hmph! Well, unlike you, we can fly." Squit said.
"Who said we can't fly? In the episode Chairmen of the Bored, Dot turned herself into a butterfly, so that counts!" Yakko said.
"That was purely for comedic effect and you know it!" Bobby said.
Mr. Plotz checked his wristwatch to see how long the argument was going on for. It seemed like forever to him.
All of the sudden, the two trios started yelling at each other. It was so loud that it was merely incomprehensible.
Mr. Plotz couldn't take it anymore, so he intervened. "STOP IT!"
Startled out of their minds, the Warners and the Goodfeathers immediately shut their traps.
"Listen, this discussion you're having is silly. No one is better than another. Every person is different, with their own unique set of qualities and attributes. None of these things should get in the way of a friendship. Frankly, I'm disturbed by this, and I'm saying this because it just came out of nowhere. You guys worked together for so many years and now of all the sudden, you're saying you're better than each other? Please, just stop." Mr. Plotz said.
Yakko, Wakko, Dot, Bobby, Pesto, and Squit realized their faults. They relented.
"He's right. We shouldn't let some petty argument get in the way of us." Yakko said.
"We were acting immature, and we shouldn't behave that way." Bobby said.
"Yeah. We're more capable than that." Wakko said.
"Agreed." Pesto said.
"We're all still friends, right?" Dot asked just to be sure.
"Friends forever!" Squit said, grinning.
"I'm glad this is settled once and for all. To be honest, this was making me nervous." Mr. Plotz said.
"Welp, I guess we'd better go." Yakko said.
"Us too." Bobby said.
"Before you leave, let me make this abundantly clear. If this ever happens again, I'm firing you. Do you understand?" Mr. Plotz asked, stern.
"Yes, sir!" Everyone said at the same time.
"Good." Mr. Plotz said.
The Warners climbed up the water tower and entered, the Goodfeathers flew away, and Mr. Plotz walked back to his office.
A/N: I wanted to write a one-shot like this because I was intrigued by the contrasting dynamic between the two trios and I don't think something like this has ever been done before. If it comes off as strange, then I apologize. But I hope you enjoy.