Everything happened unexpectedly, like Santa's bag falling on your head on Christmas night. Only in this bag were not gifts, but heavy coal.
Because of the noise on the street, I woke up suddenly and could not understand anything that was happening at all.
It was four o'clock in the morning. Honey was sleeping next to me like a dead man, and I had to get up and look out into the street.
I almost gasped when I saw that my "Gams" was hit by a car. Gams is a wooden figure of a garden gnome who lived on our lawn in front of the house and protected us from the dirty tricks of neighbors.
Then I noticed something crawling from the car to our house. Something was moving on all fours, like a creature from some horror movie.
And can you imagine how scared I was to see this creature in the dim light of the street lamps?
Images of disgusting creatures that broke into the houses of citizens and brutally gutted people immediately appeared in my head. Splatters of blood, severed limbs and pieces of flesh flew in different directions. "The Real Horror Movie"!
I quickly ran to the bedside table where the phone was lying. On the way, I hit my foot on the corner of the bed, so hard that I began to see the stars.
And then I dialed the number of the rescue service and… I lost my voice.
The lady on the phone tried to find out what happened, and I couldn't answer her. My breath was taken away, and whatever I did, it was all in vain.
At the same time, I stroked the bruised place, because it ached and moaned. The throbbing pain spread in waves in different directions along my leg, spurring the growing despair.
My heart was pounding nervously in my chest because it seemed to me that someone had already reached the front door and was trying to break it down…
The doorbell rang.
I was numb, as fear had completely taken over my body by this time. And don't let the "armchair experts" tell me here that I supposedly have to take a knife or a bat and kick this uninvited creature so that it no longer crawls on private property.
"Darling, go open the door. It was the courier who brought the package," Killian muttered to me through a dream.
I wanted to tell him that it was four in the morning and couriers are not working at this time, but then I changed my mind.
It's better to let him sleep, otherwise, he'll start something else, then the newspapermen will come and wipe us into powder.
By this time, the lady from the rescue service had hung up, so nothing else was coming from the speakers of the phone.
"What should I do?!" — I tried to come up with a plan of action.
And then the doorbell rang again.
"Probably, a maniac or a creature wouldn't ring the doorbell," a thought appeared in my head.
"Or it's a trap! I will open the door and the Thing will attack me!"
"Is anyone home?!" a voice broke the silence. "Hey, people! Is anyone alive?! Maybe there is a cat or a dog here? Meow-meow! Woof-woof!"
"It seems to be a woman? And why can't a woman be a maniac? Such a sweet, pretty, but in fact a black widow," there was a debate in my head. "Hmm, what could a black widow do to me, after all, I'm also a woman."
"Hey, I know there's someone at home! I saw the light from the window! Open the door, please…"
Maybe I should have stayed at home, but for some reason, it seemed to me that someone was calling for help.
And when I thought that the owner of the car could have been injured, and she needed first aid, the fear immediately disappeared, as if it did not exist at all.
I flew out of the room like a bullet and opened the cherished door to save the poor woman. But instead of a woman, I saw a tall brunette on the threshold.
"Finally you woke up and got out of your warm bed," the midnight guest reacted. "I thought I was imagining it."
"Excuse me, are you all right?" that's all I could say in response.
"Don't worry, I feel very good. And this, I must admit, even though I had fun in the bar for three whole hours."
And indeed she could barely stand on her feet thanks to the hands that held on to the wall of our house.
"By the way, what time is it now?" she asked.
"A time? About four in the morning," I felt like a fool because I opened the door to some drunk.
"Damn it! And I thought it was seven in the morning! Now I understand why the world around me is so dark and uncomfortable…"
"Maybe I should call an ambulance after all?" I suggested.
"No! I'm totally fine! That guy over there clearly needs a doctor's examination," the brunette made a sonorous belch. "Wow, I haven't been so drunk in a long time. Wait a minute… It looks like I hit a man!"
"This is not a man at all, but my garden gnome Gams," I consoled her because the stranger was completely depressed when she thought that she was going to jail because of a murdered man.
"Do you live together with Gams and keep him on the street like some kind of yard dog? So you think garden gnomes should have fewer rights than humans? Oh my God! I knew I'd moved to a neighborhood of hypocrites and racists!" she groaned.
"And why is it always necessary to insult people?!" I was indignant.
Then she quieted down and looked at me seriously with her dark eyes. I even felt uneasy.
The voice of reason told me to quickly slam the door and call the police so that they would deal with the troublemaker.
And suddenly a stranger flew up to me and hugged me with one arm around my neck and clung to me.
"Don't worry. I also despise these little, dirty creatures. Thus, let's help each other," a suggestion followed from her.
"What do you want to do? Please let me go!" I tried to pull away from her because I couldn't stand the smell of alcohol, but the brunette had a tenacious grip.
She was so strong and domineering…
"Do you have a shovel?" and again she baffled me.
"W-for-what?" I stammered.
"We'll quickly bury your gnome and pretend that nothing happened. And don't worry, I can keep secrets. Everything will be just great. You will get rid of your beloved-hated Gams, and they won't put me in jail. How do you like this offer? Agree as soon as possible, before the neighbors wake up and call the cops."
"Are you kidding?" it looks like she was mocking me.
"No, damn it. Do you think I want to go to jail?" she frowned.
"You've obviously had too much to drink today if you think that a garden gnome is a living person."
Oh my God! You don't even take them for living beings. That... That... That's wonderful! I'm starting to like you. And I can admit to you that you have very attractive body shapes, appetizing cheeks, sweet lips, and very beautiful eyes in which anyone can drown.
And now she's decided to flirt with me. Of course, I was pleased to hear these words, but not at this hour and not from a drunken rude woman who offered me to bury my own gnome in the yard and pretend that nothing had happened.
"You're fine, too, but you should go to bed as soon as possible," I advised her.
"Oh, I got the hint," she grinned. "So you agree?"
"I don't understand you at all."
She continued to hold me in her iron embrace, not letting me escape.
"With the fact that nothing happened."
"But you knocked down my garden gnome!" her rudeness made my blood boil.
"Hush!" she put her forefinger to my lips. "Let's do this. I'll buy you a new gnome, and we'll forget about everything. Let it be a dream, a terrible dream."
Yeah, what else? It's a good thing she didn't take down our fence. After all, it was only recently painted and brought into a decent view. And it's even better not to think about what Killian would do to her.
I had to accept her offer. After all, I wanted her to leave me alone as soon as possible and let me finish my sweet dream.
"Are you sure?" the brunette was staring at me intently.
"Yes!" I answered irritably.
"Oh, you're just a miracle! If everything goes smoothly, then I will give you an unforgettable kiss. Please don't hand me over to the cops."
This conversation gave me a headache. And why am I being punished like this? I didn't do anything wrong!
So now this lady in shabby leather trousers, a black blouse, and an extravagant jacket decorated with rose patterns have fallen on my head.
"Don't worry, I won't call the police unless you do something else in our yard."
"Oh, rest assured, I'm an experienced driver! I can turn the steering wheel with the eyes closed and press the brake and gas pedals in any sequence and even at the same time." the stranger boasted.
"By the way, I'm Regina Mills. And it's a pleasure doing business with you."
"Nice to meet you, I'm Emma Jones," and it wasn't nice to meet her at all, but I clearly didn't have the strength to deal with her.
"So... Emma and Regina… We are partners in crime."
"We didn't do anything wrong," I couldn't figure out what Regina was thinking. If she ever thought of anything at all.
"Don't worry. I won't tell anyone about your relationship with Gams," she suddenly switched to a more friendly style of conversation. "See you soon, my accomplice."
Without waiting for my answer, Regina pulled away from me and slowly walked to her car. She got into it and after a while drove off, having previously run over my garden gnome once more, as if she wanted to crush him completely.
Then she rammed the fence in reverse, drove out onto the road, and, to my surprise, parked at the opposite house.
I stood rooted to the spot and silently watched her actions. I was very afraid that she would decide to go somewhere else and knock down a real person, and then bury him in the forest.
It was only when Regina got to the front door of her (probably) house and disappeared from sight that I was able to take care of myself.
Quietly, like a mouse, I took a shower, changed into fresh underwear, and carefully, so as not to wake my husband, went to bed. And I found it at five o'clock in the morning…
Exactly an hour later it was necessary to get up and prepare breakfast for Killian.