Another perfectly average day. School, market, walk home with Ringil. We parted at his fence and I was closing the door behind me when my mom appeared out of nowhere, looking very astir.
"There's a surprise for you in the living room," she said in a confidential tone. I couldn't remember when I last saw her so animated and merry. I slowly put down the vegetables, suddenly feeling very suspicious. A million pictures flashed my mind – some gift, maybe a new book, flowers, had I forgotten about my birthday? Aerina's birthday? No, that's in two months – when I saw them sitting on our couches, sipping my mom's tea from our mugs, looking as naturally and in place as ever. All four of them: Navari, Estel, Elrohir and Elladan. They immediately rose up to greet me, there was chatter, laughter and pecks.
I felt dizzy. With joy but also with disbelief. They promised they would come and I had waited for it for the last year but now? The timing seemed odd, wrong. All of it felt weird and out of place. Seeing them out of Imladris. Them seeing my house. Other people seeing them, elves, Noldors, here. Them meeting Ringil.
I couldn't think about it too long, though. There was a huge commotion, my mom preparing dinner for so many people, everyone trying to help with the food and then to lay the table, all the while telling us about their journey here.
"Did you know?" I looked at my mom accusingly. She smiled sweetly.
"Well, I got a letter from the boys, telling me they would come but I didn't know when exactly."
Their radiant smiles and rippling laughter were a medicine for everything. I could not even remember what I was worried about a few moments ago.
"And how are you feeling?" asked Elladan after dinner, quietly, so that others could not hear, busy with their own conversation. We were cramped in an armchair, even though there was still place on the couch. He grazed my hair and I looked up at him. I scanned his face, taking in every detail, shadow, scar and curve. I knew them all. They hadn't changed of course. "You didn't write very often lately." Suddenly I felt very guilty about it, like I hadn't written because I had something to hide.
"I just keep myself busy, that's why. But I'm good, really. Much better."
"What are you saying?"
Elladan's storm grey eyes were bigger than usual, expectant and looking straight at me. I paced the floor in front of him nervously, while he was sitting still on the couch in the twin's common room.
"That maybe," I finally managed to get out, "we shouldn't hold each other back."
"I don't follow, Lis."
I felt tears on my cheeks and my breath was uneven. I still couldn't look at him and his cold, collected attitude was driving me insane with nerves.
"I don't think you should wait for me. I think it would be better if we went our own ways."
"So, are you saying we should break up? Become strangers?"
His words came out sharp. It felt like a slap. I turned to look at him and his eyes were glistening, too. I knew he didn't say it to sadden me. He didn't look angry but confused and hurt. I had nothing to say.
"Maybe I don't let it on, Lis, but it works both ways. I need you just as much as you need me. Or even more. I," he stressed the syllable, "don't want us to go our separate ways."
I flopped on the couch next to him, hid my face in my hands and sobbed.
"I can't go home. You are the only thing that's keeping my sane, you understand? I have nothing there. No one." I heard my own, muffled voice.
I felt Elladan's hand on my back, my head, my hair, and his soothing whisper in my ear.
"That's good." He smiled softly and kissed my forehead.
Later that night Ringil stopped by. He wanted to check on me because he hadn't seen me go for my evening jog. He only waved at everyone from the door, said he didn't want to disturb us after such a long time of not seeing each other, and went home.