I decided to wait for Elladan to come home to try to speak to him once more and Elrohir offered to stay up with me but eventually, after eating leftovers from dinner, I gave up and went to bed.
Next morning, I peeked into the bedroom where the boys slept but still no sign of him. What worried me more was that Elrohir wasn't there either but I soon found him sleeping on the couch downstairs.
Ringil was already waiting for me outside and immediately noticed something was wrong. He said he heard some voices last night, but not the words, so I briefly told him what had happened.
"Fuck," he replied and I nodded. Elladan didn't pay him a visit like he'd announced, though.
When I came home, he was finally there. They were all playing cards by the table. Even Aerina was with them. She gave me a weird look. In a moment all eyes were on me.
"Hi," I tried to sound at ease, throwing my bag on the couch. Elladan got up and made his way to the door. "Can we talk?", I asked quietly. He eyed me up and down, walked past me and went outside.
That was the way we lived for the next days. I, constantly seeking contact, and he, stubbornly ignoring me. Everything was normal between me and the rest and him and others. It was just us that could never be seen having a civilised conversation.
It was bearable on school days but having to spend a whole day in an ambience like that was insufferable. I spent more time with Ringil, which I guess didn't help either.
Missing Elladan when he was far away was one thing; but missing him when he was right there, sleeping under the same roof as I, was far more painful.
One day, I once again made pancakes for everyone and I was already at the door when Elladan came in to the kitchen.
"Meeting you friend again?"
I stopped dead in my tracks. I wanted to shout. Scream my lungs out. Had he not done enough? Was there any point in arguing that Ringil and I go to fucking school together and we live door to door? No.
"What's keeping you here, Dan?" I found myself saying instead, in a very calm, plain tone. "You're free to go home whenever you want." He looked at me without any sign of anger, nor any other emotion.
"You're right," he shrugged. "Maybe I should."
I smiled and shut the door behind me. In the afternoon I found twins talking with my mom in the kitchen. Estel and Navari were out of the house. My mom was throwing something into a big pot, Elladan stood next to her, leaning on the counter and Elrohir swung his legs from the table. She would never let me sit there. I thought I caught a glimpse of Elladan trying to give me a weak smile but I ignored it and went upstairs. I was surprised he was still here.
I tried to replay our conversation in my head many times, to understand how we ended up in this place. Was Elladan more angry, disappointed or sad? Was I too harsh? Did I say that or just think about it?
It also brought back many memories of Ringil. How can he be the same boy he was to me a year ago? The moments from different months were all tangled in my mind, all merged into one big memory of him, making him a stranger and a friend at the same time.
For some months last year, I taught archery to Minas Tirith's youth. Ringil got me the job. He also had his own group but at a different hour. The lessons were held on the Pelennor Fields, not far from the city wall. Ringil would sometimes come to my classes, just to keep me company and help with the equipment after. There was a big boulder on which we used to sit.
That's where I was, one evening after my class, unstringing the bows, when Ringil showed up. He didn't sit down. We chatted about how the lesson had gone when he said:
"Laith, I need to tell you something. You probably know what it's going to be but I will suffocate if I have to hold it in one more day."
My heart sped up. Yes, I knew.
"There's no need to say it. It's not going to change anything."
"If I can't convince you," he smiled, "maybe I can at least guilt trip you. I love you. You know that and I don't understand why you won't just accept that." He held up his hand to stop me from talking. "No, it's my turn. I know what you are going to say. I am waiting for Elladan," he tried to imitate my voice and I burst out with laughter. "But where is he? I don't see him here. But you know who is here?" He made an exaggerated gesture to point at himself.
"Ringil…"
"No. Whatever it is you will say, I already disagree."
"Fine, I was just going to say yes…" He looked at me but, seeing my smile, just shook his head.
"You're right, I shouldn't even have bothered."
There was no way Ringil and I could be estranged from each other. Not like with Elladan, I immediately thought. Not ever for so long.