It was Orbelain, a day off. And not a usual one. Every year, just before the summer started, merchants from Dol Amroth came to Minas Tirith with all kind of sea-related commodity. Amber, seashells, pearls, all kinds of jewellery you could dream of, fish, shark's teeth, salt, nets and sea sponges. Navari and I were very excited to go and Ringil wanted to join us. The other boys only exchanged smiles at our enthusiasm.
It was light out but still very early and Nari and I were ready to go. We took money and bags to carry the purchases home. We were counting the money one last time when we heard someone's footsteps on the stairs. It was Elladan, looking rather tired and much less neat than normally.
"Hi," he said with a raspy, sleepy voice.
"Why are you up so early?" I asked. I fondly thought that maybe, if he was sleepy enough, he could be tricked into forgetting we had ever fought. He shrugged.
"Couldn't sleep." He answered shortly, making his way to the kitchen to pour himself some cold coffee left from the previous day.
"Do you want to come with us to the market?" asked Navari at ease. She had a way of clearing the air in any room. Elladan seemed to give it a thought, while he sat on a high stool in the kitchen.
"Actually," he looked at me, "I thought maybe we could talk?"
Although it was all I had wished for for the past days, I was so caught off guard that I didn't know what to say. I hadn't expected such a sudden and complete change of attitude from him. I shot a nervous look at Navari. I thought of Ringil who would be waiting for us to join him in a moment.
"I'm going out right now," I hesitated.
"Please?" was all he said. No reasoning. He didn't move, didn't stand up, didn't reach out to me. Had he acted defiant, like earlier, had he tried to provoke me, I probably would have walked out. But I was curious, what could have caused such a change? Maybe I felt worried, too. It was as if all air had left my body, and all tension with it. It felt like surrender, made me feel like I had already lost but I didn't care. Fine.
"Nari, I will join you later."
She raised her eyebrows, as if to ask whether I was sure. I nodded and she left quietly.
"Thank you." He, too, looked like he had deflated, when he slouched slightly on the stool. I put my bag on the table and leaned on it, keeping some metres distance between us. "First of all, sorry for being a dick."
"Alright." I tried not to show the bubbling volcano of emotions inside my chest, my stomach. My heart immediately sped up.
"I had thought a lot about what you said, about us, and my behaviour, too." He was looking at me, half-expectantly, but I felt frozen to the spot. "I talked with Elrohir and your mom," at that I felt a weird sting of betrayal. My mom had never talked about it with me. "I acted like a total idiot, there is no doubt about it, and even considering going home and leaving things with you like this, was the most idiotic of it all." He made a pause. "Lis, tell me one thing. Do you still love me?"
"Yes," I said without a second of hesitation and the moment I did, when I heard my voice, so tight I could barely recognise it, I started crying. "Yes, I do."
There was a glimpse in his eyes and a shadow of a smile on his lips but otherwise he remained motionless. He continued in the same low voice.
"Your mom made me realise how important Ringil is to you. You could have probably explained that to me yourself, had I talked to you like you wanted, but again, thinking is not my strongest point in this story," he smiled apologetically but it quickly vanished and he sighed. "What I am trying to say is…" he apparently hesitated. "I wouldn't be surprised if you loved him. I probably would, if I were you." There was no sarcasm in his tone.
"I probably would, too, but for you." His eyes, if it was possible, lit up even more. "I'm sorry I failed your trust. I always thought I, not you, should feel endangered, with all those gorgeous elves in Imladris, only waiting for you to spare them a glance. I had never expected I would even think about somebody else. But Ringil was here, all the time, and when I thought about us… We are only ever reunited for a limited time. There is always a thought at the back of my mind that we will have to say goodbye soon. That's…" I broke off. The awareness of how easily everything would come to me, if I had just forgotten about Elladan, was soul-crashing. I sobbed for the first time in a very long time. I had missed Elladan so much, and I had looked forward to seeing him but now it was happening and we ruined it.
I felt him wrap his arms around me, his warmth and smell embracing me. I cried like a baby.
"That night after I kissed him," I managed to get out between the sobs, "I thought I was going to lose you both. That I had ruined everything. I had never felt so lonely in my whole life." His hand on my back was trembling, or maybe it was just my trembling reverberating through it.
"I would never leave you," Elladan said in a shaking voice and I knew exactly why. Because he almost had. Almost packed his things and went home, had he not talked to his brother and my mother, he might have already been gone. "You're everything to me. I love you, Lis. I love you," he repeated that over and over again, like those words contained everything in the world that he wanted to tell me. And I felt like they did.