August 20th, 1973
Over the last school year, Lucius didn't send too many letters, since he was very busy, but once in a while he came to visit Narcissa and me! On the rare occasion that he was able to come, Narcissa always did my hair nice and made sure I wore some of the nice clothes he gave me before he came to visit. He'd spend time with me and help me with charms, then take Narcissa out to supper. It was weird last year not hanging out with him and his friends by the fire at night, but Narcissa still paid attention to me. Even though we're not as close, I always knew I could ask for her help if I was confused about something in my classes, and I could always count on her to complain at me if my hair was getting too greasy. This year is going to be weird without them, but it'll be fine. I'm 13 now, anyways, which means I'm old enough to go to Hogsmeade this year! I'm excited to have a little more freedom, but still a little nervous. It'll be okay, though. I know Lucius will still come visit me once in a while. Hopefully. Last year, Lucius picked me up on December 26th again to spend the rest of Christmas break with him. Lucius also took me to my checkup at St. Mungo's last summer, and to the station for school. Last summer, since I still had a bit of brain damage from my previous concussions, the healers said they needed to see me back in a year to make sure I was healing alright and to check on my weight, and since my mum is too busy at work to take me, Lucius is taking me again instead! Lucius says he always has time for me, and that after my check-up, he'll take me to Madame Circe's Tavern to see my mum and tell her how my appointment went. It's nice that Lucius always makes time for me. I wish my mum and dad did, too.
On the day of my check-up, I make sure my trunk is packed for school, then put on my nicest pair of jeans, my boots, one of my white button-down shirts, and the green sweater Lucius gave me while he was still at Hogwarts. I can still just barely squeeze into the boots my dad got me last Christmas, and I'm a little worried about how I'm going to make it through this semester in them since they're already small on me. Restless, I wait at the window for Lucius to arrive, and when I see him striding towards my house, I run out the door and throw myself at him. Laughing, he picks me up and gives me a tight hug before setting me down again and shooing me back into my house.
"Severus! How are you doing? I'm glad you're wearing that sweater— it was always one of my favorites," Lucius smiles down at me as he shuts the door and turns away.
"You gotta lock it! Don't forget to lock it!" I exclaim, nervously shoving past him to lock the door.
He grabs my arm and pulls me back, "Don't shove, Severus. We don't act like mudbloods, do we? Try again and use your manners."
Anxious to lock the door, but not wanting to make Lucius mad, I take a deep breath and say, "Excuse me, I need to lock the door, or my dad's gonna be mad at me!"
He smiles condescendingly and moves out of the way, saying, "Your hair looks disgusting— when was the last time you showered?"
"Our water heater's been broken, so it's been a while. I guess last week?"
"Hmm, maybe you should rinse off quickly before we go, even if the water is cold. I'd use Scourgify, but I think you're filthy enough that it wouldn't do a whole lot, and I don't want you to look like that for the Healers. Anyways, how are you doing? You're looking awfully tan— have you been in the sun much?"
"Yeah, I spend all day outside usually! And I'm doing good, I guess. What about you?" I say, trying to sound happy.
"You mean you're doing well, Severus."
"Yes, Lucius, I'm doing well. What about you?"
"I'm doing well, thank you. I've been very busy, but I'm enjoying my work. Have you been eating alright? You look like you've lost weight again," he says, shepherding me towards the bathroom.
"I guess," I shrug my shoulders and look down at my feet, letting my hair cover my small smile, "my dad's been sober for a few weeks!"
"That's wonderful, Severus!"
"Yeah, he even taught me how to play his guitar! But other than that him and mum haven't had much time to spend with me. I've been hanging out in the woods a lot. You wanna see the big pipes from the steel mill?"
Lucius chuckles, and shakes his head as he gently pushes me into the bathroom, "You're not getting out of showering or your check-up that easily. Go ahead and rinse off quickly. You can take a real shower when we get home. You have about five minutes. Go on!"
The water is freezing cold, and the welts on my back from when my dad whooped me the other day sting a bit as the frigid water and soap hits them. I left my special shampoo and conditioner in my trunk when I got home for summer break because I didn't want to waste them, so I just use some soap in my hair like I've been doing all summer. I get out before my five minutes is up, dry off, and, shaking, get dressed again. When Lucius opens the door, I'm trying my hardest to detangle my hair, but there are some knots that just won't come out.
"Stop ripping that comb through your hair! What is wrong with you?!" Lucius exclaims, grabbing the comb from my fingers.
"The knots won't come out!" I whimper as he starts combing through the ends of my hair.
"Why is your hair so nasty?! What did you do to it?! I know the shampoo I gave you doesn't do this!"
"I had to use soap 'cause— because I already packed the shampoo and conditioner you gave me!"
"And your parents don't have any for you to use?!"
I shake my head, "Uh uh. My dad just uses soap, and I'm not allowed to use my mum's stuff."
"Ridiculous," Lucius growls, and slams the comb down on the sink, pulls my hair back into a ponytail, "Just come along, Severus. These knots aren't going anywhere. We'll deal with it when we get home. You can re-wash your hair with your good shampoo and use conditioner this time. I'll top your bottles off so they don't run out while you're at school. Perhaps we can go visit Narcissa— she may have to cut those knots out and give you a trim, but we'll see."
"Yes, sir," I squeak, scared that he is angry at me.
Shaking his head, Lucius guides me out of the bathroom and towards the fireplace, "I had a friend connect your house to the floo network just for this afternoon so that we could get to St. Mungo's easily," he says, getting a packet of floo powder out of his pocket.
"Oh! Thanks, Lucius! That was clever!" I exclaim. I like it when he says I'm clever, so I reckon he'll like it, too.
His lips twist into a small smile, and he strokes my wet hair back, saying, "Thank you, Severus. Now go ahead and get into the fireplace! I will get in after you, though it will be very short for me!"
I clamber into the fireplace, and Lucius, hunched down, steps in after me, wraps me in his cloak, and holds me tight as he drops a handful of powder and says, firmly, "St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries."
During my check-up, Healer Smithwick tuts and shakes her head as she takes my weight. She gives me a small pack of strawberry candies to eat while she checks my hearing, vision, blood pressure, heart rate, and head. As I finish my candy, she asks some questions, "So how is school going for you, lambie?"
"It's good. It's well? It's doing well?"
"It's going well?" she smiles.
I nod my head, "It's going well."
"No fights with the other boys?"
"There are a few other boys in Gryffindor and we really don't get along that good," I mutter, frowning slightly as the images of Potter, Black, Pettigrew, and Lupin pop into my head.
"But you don't get into any altercations with them?" she frowns.
"What's an altercation?"
"You know, a tussle."
"Oh. Um, only sometimes. But they usually start it! And they won't fight me unless they're together and I'm alone, so I usually just stay with my friends," I say, looking at my knees.
"What do you mean by, 'they usually start it?'" Healer Smithwick says, raising her eyebrows.
"Sometimes me and one of my friends start it, but not usually! It's usually them that start it! I'm not gonna take them jinxing me, and pushing me down, and calling me names without fighting back. My dad always says that I gotta show 'em they can't mess with me, and that I gotta fight back meaner than them so they know I'm not weak and stupid! Only weak, stupid kids get picked on!" I exclaim.
"Have you tried ignoring them?"
"It's kinda hard to ignore people when they shove you down in corridors and dump your backpack out on the floor, innit?" I sneer.
"And none of the professors are doing anything about it?" she asks.
"Mm mm," I shake my head, "Even Slughorn takes their side. I know it's 'cause they're rich, and tall, and play quidditch, and I'm just poor trash."
"Sweetheart! Don't say things like that about yourself! I am sorry to hear that Horace is taking their side, though. I thought better of him. How about your favorite subjects? Are you still enjoying Potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts?"
"Mm hmm! I've gotten A+'s in both every year!"
"Wonderful! We'll make a healer out of you, yet!" she exclaims, patting me on my back. I tense up and don't flinch, even though it hurts.
"You really think I could be a healer?" I ask.
"Of course, Severus, love! You can do anything you put your mind to! And between you and me, I think you'd make a wonderful healer. We need some young folks here, and if you like potions, well, you'd be a perfect fit!" she smiles, tapping my nose and putting her wand away.
"Thank you, Healer Smithwick," I say, smiling shyly at my feet as she bustles out of the room to bring in Lucius. I quickly throw out the packet the candies were in as I hear Lucius' footsteps.
"How is he doing?" he asks, holding the door open for Healer Smithwick and shutting it for her after she's through.
"He tells me school is going well, aside from a few tussles with some other boys, and that he's getting good grades. His parents must be very proud of him!"
My smile falters, and Lucius glances at me, saying, "You would think so, wouldn't you? Ah well, how is his head?"
"Well, if you look here," she says, getting out her wand and tapping my head, "you can see there's still a bit of damage to his occipital lobe here in the back," I fight back a giggle at the shock on Lucius' face as my head goes transparent and by brain begins to glow. I watch in the mirror on the opposite wall as Healer Smithwick points to the back of my head and says, "and he says he is still very sensitive to bright lights, especially in that left eye. We're lucky we've been able to get those potions in him quickly when his head's been hit, otherwise I'd worry about blindness. Since he's still having symptoms, we're going to need to make sure he continues taking those concussion potions monthly."
I make a disgusted face at her.
"Hmm, I was hoping that would be better by now. You haven't hit your head for a couple of years now, have you, Severus?" Lucius frowns at me.
"Yeah, over Christmas break I fell down the stairs again at home, remember?" I mumble, trying to forget how drunk my dad got for the second Christmas in a row. He had been sober all summer, so I wasn't expecting to come home to find that he had started drinking again.
"Oh, right, how could I forget! Why didn't your mother bring you here to get your potion as soon as that happened?!" I flinch automatically as I hear the frustration in his voice.
"She didn't have time. And she left for work before you came to pick me up, anyways. Remember?"
"Ah— I remember now. Just like the year before, I think I took you after picking you up, right?" he murmurs.
"Severus, you need to make sure to come get your potion as soon as these things happen, though hopefully you can keep your head safe from now on. The more often this happens and isn't taken care of immediately, the worse the outcomes could be. Is there anything you can tell me about how your head is being hit?" she asks.
I've been asked this question so many times, I automatically look at my knees, and quietly tell the same lie I've been telling since I was seven years old, "I'm real clumsy, and sometimes the other kids in town fight with me." I don't want to get my mum in trouble and embarrass her or be taken away to a family that will hit me even worse, like my mum says will happen.
Healer Smithwick hesitates, then says, "Technically, I shouldn't ask, but when you've done something naughty, what do your parents do?"
I glance at Lucius, then, thinking fast, I look back at my knees, and slowly say, "My mum yells at me and tells my dad, and my dad whoops me."
"How so?"
"Just normally."
"What's normally mean, lambie?"
"He spanks me with his belt a couple times. It's not that bad. Just normal. Everything's fine."
"And you've never been punished more harshly than just a normal spanking?"
"No, ma'am."
She sighs, and turns to Lucius, "Other than the light sensitivity, his vision seems fine. His hearing could be better, but it's not terrible. You can see here," and she points her wand at the right side of my head, "that he has a bit of old damage to this right temporal lobe, but that's pretty much healed up just fine. His heart rate, blood pressure, and weight, however, leave much to be desired. Severus, at 4 foot 8 and 58 pounds, you are still very small and very underweight for your age, especially based on how tall your mother is, and how tall she's said your father is. You shouldn't be at all surprised to learn that your blood pressure and heart rate are also a bit low. Sweetheart," she says, bending down to look me in the eyes, "you've got to start eating enough. If you carry on the way you're going, you're going to end up permanently stunting your growth, and your body is going to be very sick. I know you've got to be tired all the time, right?"
I nod, looking down.
"If good food during the summer is hard to come by, the Ministry has programs your mother can apply for. Do you understand?"
I nod again. My eyes feel full, and I wipe my nose with my sleeve, still looking down.
"Your body is not going to grow and mature like it should if you don't start putting on some weight, and quickly."
"I'll make sure he eats, Healer Smithwick," Lucius says after a pointed silence.
"Thank you, Mr. Malfoy. I'm glad the boy has somebody looking out for him. Hopefully, once his brain is healed up and he starts eating enough, his little body might finally decide to start growing! I've been seeing him since he was a baby, and I know I'm not the only one disappointed to see him not thriving. He's a good boy. He deserves a good life, too," Healer Smithwick says sadly. She taps my head again and it goes back to normal, "Now, I know a boy who needs to take his potion!"
"No!" I laugh, making a face.
Healer Smithwick pinches my hollow cheek playfully and turns around. She opens a small door on the wall that has a little cubby behind it, and says, "Brain Damage Potion!" A few seconds later, a small vial with a clear orange potion arrives in the cubby, "Now, Mr. Malfoy, this is going to put Severus to sleep for about half an hour. Normally we only allow a child's legal guardians to stay; however, Eileen signed that Permission to Discuss last year, so I think you should be fine to stay here with Severus while he sleeps. That potion normally puts the drinker into a pretty deep sleep, but he can be woken up with loud noises, so if you have to leave and come back, make sure to close the door quietly."
"Yes, ma'am," he nods at her.
"Can't I just take it before I go to bed tonight? Please?" I beg.
"Don't whine, Severus," Lucius says, sounding displeased, "Healer Smithwick told you to take your potion now, so you'll do as you're told."
"Oh, he's alright, Mr. Malfoy! I've known this one since he was just a baby— he's just being silly, aren't you, lambie?" Healer Smithwick laughs, and hands me the vial.
I smile at her as she opens the door to leave the room, and take my potion as if it's a shot of whiskey.
"Does it taste alright?" Lucius murmurs, stroking my hair as I lay down.
"Mm mm," I shake my head, "It's bitter. I don't like it." As I yawn and my eyes begin to close, Lucius chuckles, and, still stroking my hair, says, "You can have something sweet when we get home to make up for it, alright?"
I try to nod, but my head feels heavy, so instead, I let myself succumb to sleep's strong pull.
When I wake up, I hear Lucius and Healer Smithwick talking, so I don't open my eyes.
"I must ask, Mr. Malfoy— do you know anything about his situation at home? All of us involved in Severus' plan of care feel as if something is going on, but we are legally unable to do anything without a statement or witnessing the abuse occur, and of course he's not going to say anything. We've asked his mother many times, but she— well, she isn't very helpful. She just says he's clumsy and gets into fights, which, clearly, isn't the case."
"I feel as if something is wrong as well, but I only know what he's told me," Lucius says slowly.
"It's a sad situation, you know. When he was little, his development was just fine, but he hit about seven years old and just stopped growing. He became much more drawn-in on himself. Just very beaten down. It's been heartbreaking to see what used to be a vivacious, healthy child become a quiet little skeleton of a boy."
"I know he said his father lost his job at the steel mill when he was around seven years old. Perhaps that's when the family started running out of money for good food?" Lucius murmurs.
"It's the father we're worried about," Healer Smithwick sighs, "I know Severus said he's only ever spanked, but there's no way that's true, what with the size of the bruises he's had before, and the intensity of the injuries he's come in for. Well, if he tells you anything or if you see anything, let us know, will you? Depending on the situation, I know lots of good families who would love to foster him while his family figures it out. Honestly, I would be happy to take him in myself, but that's not allowed."
Not wanting to know what Lucius is going to say, I open my eyes and slowly sit up to finish my appointment and say goodbye to Healer Smithwick. I knew they wanted to take me away. I know all those families would treat me just as bad, if not worse, than I get treated at home. I feel bad that I let Healer Smithwick down, though. I'm trying to eat and be healthy, but it seems to get harder and harder to eat, even when food is available. I just keep getting more and more nervous that I'm going to get big, and nobody will pay attention to me anymore.
Once we've said goodbye to Healer Smithwick, Lucius takes me to Madame Circe's Tavern in Knockturn Alley to see my mum for lunch. She brings us a platter of chicken tenders and fries. In the few moments she has free while waiting tables, she comes by to thank Lucius for taking me to my check-up for the second year in a row. She asks how it went, and Lucius tells her it went very well. Halfway through a chicken tender, I glance up at him, surprised, but I don't say anything. I suppose she doesn't need to know. Honestly, I'm starting to believe that she doesn't really care, either.
"Was that Permission to Discuss form from last year still valid, Lucius? I haven't had time to fill out a new one!" my mum says as she begins to put my hair back in a french-braid. She ignores the knots.
"Yes, everything was fine," he smiles coldly. His voice is controlled and even, but I can tell he's a bit frustrated.
"Severus?"
I hold up a finger as I finish chewing my food. I swallow, and say, "Ma'am?"
"You're going to need to stay at school for Christmas this year. Your father is supposed to get a raise and a bonus over Christmas, and he needs to be able to focus on his job and rest when he gets home. You understand, right?"
Suddenly, my throat feels very full, and I don't feel so hungry anymore. I put down the rest of my chicken tender, and say, "Do you want me to stay at school over Easter again like last year, too?"
"Yes and besides, you like staying at school! Or maybe you can go home with one of your little friends?"
I just nod.
After a few moments, Lucius clears his throat, "Severus, you can spend Christmas at the manor. I'll pick you up from King's Cross."
"Oh, Lucius, you don't need to inconvenience yourself! He'll be fine at school! He likes it there!" my mum exclaims, dropping my braid and ruffling my hair. I want to pull away, but I don't.
"No, really. It's fine. He's never an inconvenience to me. I was planning on delivering Narcissa's gifts to her over Christmas, but Severus is welcome to come with me. She'll be thrilled to see him, too," he says with a forced smile. I look down at my knees, "It's been a few months since she's seen you, Severus! She's always asking about you, so it will be nice for you two to catch up. That reminds me— we need to see if Narcissa can't give you a trim before you go back to school. We'll send her an owl when we get to the manor."
I nod.
"That sounds lovely! Thank you for taking such good care of him! Let me know if he ever misbehaves for you, alright?" my mum says quickly as a wizard bangs on his table.
"Of course. He's always well-behaved for me, so I don't think we'll have any problems," Lucius tips my chin up with his long fingers, looks into my eyes, and winks, "right, Severus?"
I shake my head and give him a small smile. Before my mum goes off to seat a group of wizards, I remember my Hogsmeade permission slip, "Mum! Wait!"
"I have to go! Tell me another time!" she calls back, waving, "Don't worry about the food, Lucius, it's my treat!"
"It's alright, Severus," Lucius says, stroking my hair. I start folding my permission slip back up, "Give it to me. I'll sign it. I'll just make a note that your mother was at work, and was about to sign before she got called away. I'm sure McGonagall won't mind. She deals with all of the Hogsmeade forms. If she gives you any trouble, tell her she can feel free to owl me if there is any confusion."
"Thanks, Lucius," I mumble.
Taking the form out from between my fingers, Lucius takes a quill from the counter of the bar we're sitting at and signs my form. Before I put it back in my pocket, I read it quickly.
Professor McGonagall— I took Severus to the tavern Eileen works at to get his form signed, but she was too busy. Please accept my signature instead. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to reach out.
Sincerely,
Lucius A. Malfoy
"Do you remember what Healer Smithwick said, Severus? You need to eat your food," Lucius drawls, pushing the plate towards me.
"I'm full. And my mum brought this for us to share— you gotta have some, too!"
"You mean, you should have some, too."
"You should have some, too."
"Alright, I'll make you a deal. There are five pieces of chicken left plus the one you didn't finish, right? And you haven't touched any of the fries or your carrot sticks. You finish that piece and one more, and I'll eat the other four. If you can do that, eat 10 fries, and five carrot sticks, I'll take you to The Magical Menagerie to pet the animals."
"Okay, I'll try," I smile.
After about 45 minutes, I am finally finished with my two chicken tenders, 10 fries, and five carrot sticks. Lucius finished ages ago, and has been reading the Daily Prophet ever since. I want to give my mum a hug before we leave, but she's too busy to notice me trying to beckon her over.
"It's alright, Severus. You'll see her again next summer," Lucius says, putting his hand on my back and leading me out the door. Upon arriving at The Magical Menagerie, a small cat catches my eye. She has thick, soft black fur. Her chest and paws are white, and she has a white stripe down her nose. I sit down and pat the floor next to me. She walks daintily up to me, and rubs her face against my hand. I scratch behind her ears, and she curls up next to my legs. After a while, Lucius taps my shoulder.
"Aren't you going to look at any other animals?" he asks.
"No, this one's my favorite. She's good," I murmur, stroking the cat gently.
"How do you know that one's your favorite if you haven't even looked at any of the others?"
I shrug my shoulders, "I just know."
Lucius chuckles, and pats my back, "Come on, Severus, it's time to go."
"Can't I stay here a little longer? She's happy!" I say, trying to keep the whine out of my voice.
"I said it's time to go," he says, and I recognize the soft, commanding voice he uses when he is displeased.
"Yes, Lucius," I sigh. I kiss the cat on her head and stand up, swallowing the lump in my throat. As I follow Lucius out of the store, I wave goodbye to the cat. She slowly blinks her aquamarine eyes at me, and I desperately wish I had not only the two galleons to buy her, but also a loving home to bring her to.
"Severus?"
"Mmm?"
"Those boots are awfully old. Don't you have any other shoes you can wear?" Lucius asks outside the Magical Menagerie.
"Mm mm," I shake my head, "These were a little big when my dad gave them to me over Christmas, but now they're real small."
"I can tell. You're walking like they hurt. Well, since we're here, why don't we get you a new pair of shoes that look decent? Those are just so old and filthy, and they already don't fit you— I don't like the idea of you wearing them out. You don't want to look like, well, like that, do you?"
I look down, and shake my head. I like these boots— my dad gave them to me! They're special! But if Lucius doesn't want me to wear them, then I have to do what he says. And they do really hurt my feet now, anyways, and I don't know when my next opportunity will be to get new shoes.
"Well, that's settled then!" Lucius drawls, putting a hand on my back and leading me to the shoe store.
"Thank you, Lucius," I smile. When we get to the shoe store, Lucius gets me a brand new pair of leather shoes. They're stiff, and I don't like how they feel on my feet, but they fit me well. I know they look nicer than my old boots, and I appreciate everything Lucius does for me.
Upon arriving back at my house, Lucius grabs my trunk. Before leaving for Malfoy Manor, I show him the food in the pantry.
"See? I told you my dad's been sober for a few weeks again! There isn't even any alcohol in the house! We got pasta, canned green beans, peanut butter, bread, and last night my dad even got me a cheeseburger from McDonald's on his way home from work! Last summer he was sober, too, but he was drinking again over Christmas break. He was drinking pretty bad when I got home from school this summer, but he stopped a few weeks ago after he broke my nose again. He had to whoop me a couple days ago, though, 'cause I got in his way after he got home from work."
"Ah, that's why you've been tensing up whenever I've gone to touch your back. And I thought something might have happened to you nose– it looks like it's been broken again. Well, I'm glad your father is sober again; however, I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you," Lucius says, closing the pantry door, "How many times has he gotten sober, then gone right back to drinking?"
I don't answer, but I know he's right.
"Anyways, for your sake, I hope he stays sober this time and stops whipping you for silly reasons. I really don't think he should be hitting you just because you walk into the room, and you're always so good for me, I can't imagine you behaving in a way that would warrant being beaten unconscious! At least you won't have to interact with him till next summer, right? You'll be coming to the manor over break, and you'll be staying at school over Easter!"
"Why didn't you tell her about my dad?" I blurt out.
"Who? Healer Smithwick?"
I nod.
"You shouldn't eavesdrop on conversations that aren't meant for you to hear. But regardless, you don't spend a lot of time here, anyways, and like you said, your dad has been sober off and on. I figured there was no need to involve them. Once they get involved, then the Ministry gets involved, and they're wildly incompetent. Besides, I wouldn't want you to be taken away! What if you were placed with a foster family like Arthur Weasley and his wife?"
"What's wrong with them?"
"The Weasleys are one of the old pureblood families— part of the Sacred Twenty-Eight; however, he and his wife have made it very clear that they don't hold to the old beliefs. Beliefs that have kept us safe for so long. They're blood traitors, and I certainly don't want you being indoctrinated with those types of loony ideas. Arthur would probably be enthralled with your life here. He would probably be good friends with your father just because he thinks muggles are interesting."
I'm not sure what to say, so I just say, "Oh," and pick up my backpack.
"No, it's much better if you stay safe at school and at the manor with me, then stay out of your father's way when you're at home. However, if your head gets hurt again, I want you to write to me immediately and let me know so I can take you to get your potion. We don't want you going blind or anything like that, now do we?"
I shake my head, and follow Lucius to the fireplace to go back to his manor.
Later that night, after I have eaten the piece of chocolate Lucius gave me, taken a warm shower, and gotten my hair trimmed by Narcissa, I lie in my bed at the manor. I hug my rabbit plushie close, pretending it is the cat from earlier today. It's okay, I tell myself, she's a good cat. Somebody will give her a good home. Sniffing, I wipe away the tears forming in my eyes, and roll over. I hope that someday I'll have a good home, too.
