When I wake, I am lying naked under my blankets on my bed. My clothes are all in a pile at the end of the bed. I shake my head very slightly. My brain still feels a little foggy, and my whole body is as sore as if I ran a marathon last night. It must be because I'm thirsty. I know I didn't drink enough water yesterday. Looking around, I see my water bottle on my bedside table. It is full. I grab it and drink the entire thing. My stomach grumbles, but I ignore it. Looking at the clock on the wall, I see that it is 6:30 in the morning. I rub the sleep from my eyes, clamber out of bed, pull on my black sweatpants, and pull the sheets and blankets back up over my pillow. I stumble down the hallway to Lucius' bedroom and quietly knock on the door.
"Severus? Is that you?" I hear his sleepy voice emanating from inside the room.
"Mm hmm," I murmur, cracking the door just enough so he can hear me.
"You're up early! Come on in," he yawns, and I nervously pad into his room, closing the door behind me. Even though I know there's nobody else here except Dobby, this big house still always makes me feel a bit nervous.
"Morning," I say, looking at the floor, "How long was I asleep?"
"Come here and let me see how you look," Lucius says, ignoring my question. I make my way over to his bed as he swings his legs out from underneath the covers and sits up. As I get to him, he takes hold of my jaw with his right hand so I can't move my head, then holds up one finger on his left hand and passes it from left to right and back again. I follow his finger with my eyes, and he picks up his wand from his bedside table. He casts lumos then holds the bright wand tip up so he can look in my eyes.
Blinded, I squeeze my eyes shut and try to turn my head away, but he holds my head tightly and commands, "Open your eyes! Look past the light so it doesn't blind you."
"It hurts!" I cry, trying to wiggle my head out of his grasp.
"Don't be a brat– just do it," Lucius sighs exasperatedly.
I obey to the best of my ability, but it's still hard to keep my eyes open.
Satisfied, Lucius asks, "That wasn't so hard, now was it? How are you feeling this morning?"
I shrug, and he lets go of my jaw and puts out his wand, "I'm okay."
"Elaborate."
"I'm tired, but I'm okay," I mumble.
"Are you tired in your head, or in your body, or both?" he says, patting his bed beside him. I sit down, and he puts a protective arm around me, drawing me to his side.
"Both," I say after a few seconds, "My head is tired and my body is a little sore, but I'm okay."
"Why don't you go back to sleep for a little while then?"
I shrug, not wanting him to send me back to my room. I don't want to be alone right now.
"Do you want to stay here for a bit while I get ready for the day? Then you can take a nice warm shower before breakfast."
I nod, and Lucius smiles at me, then stands up, gently pushes me onto my right side, and covers me with his blankets. I turn around so that my right ear is uncovered, then snuggle into his bed and close my eyes. I let the sounds of Lucius walking around and softly opening and closing his wardrobe and various cabinets wash over me, and I slowly fall back asleep.

I wake up some time later to Lucius sitting down on his bed next to me. I sleepily blink my eyes and sit up, yawning.
"Feeling better?" Lucius drawls. He is now fully dressed for the day, and has showered and fixed his hair.
I nod.
"Good. Why don't you go ahead and take a shower and change? Then you can come downstairs and we can talk about what we want to do today, aside from going to Diagon Alley, alright?" he says, and strokes my hair out of my face.
"Mm kay," I murmur, and, shivering, get out of his bed.
"Are you cold?"
"Mm hmm."
Lucius frowns, "I think you've lost some weight since you left St. Mungo's. What did you eat yesterday? I don't think I saw you eat anything besides those grapes and that lollipop."
I shrug, "I didn't."
Lucius sighs, looks around, grabs his old fuzzy blanket I used to love so much while he was still in school from his bed, and throws it around my bare shoulders. I thank him quietly, and slowly walk back to my room and conjoined bathroom. I start the shower to let the water warm up and brush my teeth. Even after I've rinsed all the toothpaste out, my mouth still tastes a bit like that fake cherry flavored lollipop from yesterday. Once I get in the shower, I wash my hair with the eucalyptus scented shampoo and conditioner Lucius gave me. No matter how hard I scrub my skin, however, I still feel dirty. I dig my nails into my skin and imagine ripping it off my body. I close my eyes and taste the salty tears running into my mouth. I'm such a baby! Such a stupid baby! I know the way Yaxley and Dolohov touched me is wrong, but it should be a small price to pay for everything I have now. I'm living in Malfoy Manor, I have powerful contacts, I'm free to experiment with potions to my heart's content, I get new clothes, I have a nice ring– my life is great, but here I am crying in the shower! What is wrong with me?! I wipe my tears away roughly, rinse the conditioner out of my hair, and get out of the shower. Without looking in the mirror, I dry my hair off and throw my clothes from yesterday into the hamper. I put on a gray t-shirt, a pair of my blue jeans, and Evan's sweater. I know Lucius is going to want me to dress nicer to go to Diagon Alley, but I'm going to stand up for myself this time! I'm going to wear this whether he wants me to or not! Or at least I'm going to ask him if I can.
Suddenly, the door opens and Lucius comes in, "I refilled your water bottle while you were in the shower," he says.
"Thanks," I mumble, and take the water bottle from him.
"Well, come downstairs when you're ready. I'll be waiting for you," he says, and leaves the room. He doesn't shut the door on his way out.

When I've finished combing my hair out, I slowly walk down the stairs, trying hard not to stumble. Lucius is standing at the bottom of the stairs waiting for me, but I don't look at him. When I get to the last stair, I feel my eyes start to well up with tears again. I sniffle, trying to hold them in, but it doesn't help. Lucius wraps his arms around my weak, ugly, skinny body and holds me tight to his chest.
"I know– Dolohov is scary, isn't he?" he murmurs.
I just nod.
"It's alright, Severus. You're going to be alright. I'm never going to leave you alone with him again. I thought it would be alright if I left to go to the restroom and to get wine, but I was wrong," he pauses, and when I don't respond, he keeps going, "Sometimes we have to do things that make us uncomfortable, but it's worth it in the end, right?"
I nod again.
"I'm so proud of you."
I feel myself choke on my tears, and I try to take a deep breath to steady myself.
"You're so well-behaved, and so clever. Such a good boy. I want you to eat something before we go to Diagon Alley, alright?"
I shake my head and wipe my eyes with my sleeve, but the tears won't stop.
"How about a sandwich?"
I shake my head again.
"Or some porridge? What about some soup?"
"I'm not hungry," I say through my tears.
"We had this conversation this morning, Severus. You need to eat something before we go. I'll have Dobby make you a bowl of soup, and you can eat it before we go. He made a lovely chicken noodle soup for dinner last night, so all he'll need to do is warm it up for you. I tried to wake you up so you could have some, but you… well, you wouldn't wake up."
I push myself away from him, and say, "If I have to eat, then can I wear this out?"
Lucius pauses for a second, then says, "No, I don't think so. I want you to look presentable; however, if you eat all of your food, we can stop by Flourish and Blotts and see if they have any new books about potions for you. Once you've finished your food, you'll go upstairs and change into something presentable, and then we can go. Do you understand?"
I want to argue, but I remember how nice he's been to me this morning, and how he protected me from Dolohov yesterday, so I just nod. We go to the kitchen, and I force myself to eat the entire bowl of chicken noodle soup that Dobby gives me. It's not big, but I feel as if it turns to chalk in my mouth. It takes a lot of effort to make myself swallow, and every bite feels like it's choking me on the way down. After a whole hour, I am finally finished, and although I hate to admit it, my brain does feel less foggy after eating. Lucius rubs my back and tells me I did a good job, and that makes me feel better, too.

Before we go to Flourish and Blotts and to look for new clothes, we make a few stops in Knockturn Alley for Lucius to sell some of the poisons I gave him. He has the most luck at Borgin and Burkes, where he introduces me to Mr. Borgin, then haggles while I wander around the store, hugging myself tight, wishing I still had on Evan's sweater. Lucius ends up selling the poisons for a hefty sum of gold, and, as promised, he gives me a quarter of the profits. I have never had so much money in my life, and I don't know how to feel. I don't even have a bag to keep money in, so Lucius holds onto the gold for me until we go to the clothes store. While we're there, Lucius picks out a few different outfits he wants me to try on, then has me show him how each outfit fits as I try them on. I wish he would let me get the clothes a bit big, but he says it's better to have clothes that fit right, and that if I manage to grow and gain some weight over the next year, he is happy to get me new clothes again. I hate wearing clothes that fit me right, because I hate other people being able to see how skinny I am. I feel ashamed to still be wearing sizes made for 10 year olds at 15, but if it's what fits me, then I guess it's okay.
When I'm done trying things on, Lucius pulls out two extra sweaters, "Because you were so good yesterday, I want to get you something extra! Which one do you want?" he asks, holding up the two sweaters.
Nervous, and already feeling bad about my body from trying on clothes, I shake my head, "I don't deserve anything else."
"I asked you a question, and I expect an answer. Which one do you like?"
I tentatively reach out to feel each sweater. I love how soft the charcoal gray one is, but I don't want to make the wrong choice, so I look at the floor and shuffle my feet, saying, "It doesn't matter to me. They're both really nice!"
"But which one do you like the most? They're very different! By the way you're acting, you'd think I was asking you how you want to die!" Lucius chuckles, and I smile, still looking at my feet. Then, in a more serious tone, Lucius says, "This is a gift, Severus. I want you to choose. And don't ask me which one is cheaper, they both cost the same amount."
After a few moments of gathering my courage, I murmur, "I like the soft one," then I glance up at him to make sure he's not mad at me.
"Which one is the soft one?" he smiles, and holds out the sweaters to me.
I reach out and weakly put my hand on the charcoal gray sweater.
"Good choice! And you're right, I didn't think about it before, but that one is nice and soft!" Lucius exclaims, and ruffles my hair, "When we get home, I'll give you my old money pouch. It's still in good condition. Now that you have some money of your own, you need somewhere to keep it!"

On our way home, we stop at the Leaky Cauldron for lunch. I don't want to eat anything, but Lucius says that if I eat two of my three chicken tenders, at least 10 of my fries, and five carrot sticks, we can play cards and chess when we get home. I do want to play cards, so very slowly, I eat two of my chicken tenders and five carrot sticks. Once I start eating, I want to eat my entire plate because I'm so hungry, but if I eat, I'll get fat, and nobody will pay attention to me anymore. I choose the smallest 10 fries to eat, and even though they taste amazing and I want them all, I push my plate away.
Lucius sighs, and says, "I suppose you've done what I said. I didn't specify which fries to eat, did I?"
I shake my head.
"Alright, we can at least take the last chicken tender home and you can eat it with your dinner."
We get a small box for the remaining chicken tender, and head back to the manor. Once we're there, Lucius teaches me how to play a couple of classier card games, then we play chess.

The next few weeks of summer continue in a similar fashion. I continue making various poisons and potions, and we sell most of them at Borgin and Burke's. Once in a while, Lucius' friends and colleagues will come over to socialize. If Yaxley or Dolohov come over, Lucius has me sit with them. Like he promised, he doesn't leave me alone with Dolohov anymore. Yaxley's not nearly as scary as Dolohov, so I don't mind sitting with him too much. Sometimes, Lucius will leave me alone with Yaxley for a little while to get some wine or tea, but he always comes back, and Yaxley doesn't ever choke me or hurt me like Dolohov did that one time. I don't like it when they touch me, but after a while, I get used to it. Lucius has helped me a lot, and I know he has to make his powerful ministry friends happy, especially Yaxley, so if this is one way I can give back, then I can deal with it. It's better than being at home, anyways. And besides, Lucius always gives me wine to make me calm down and feel tired when they come over, so it's not that bad. Usually Lucius gives me sweet wine, but a few times he gives me one that tastes more dry while everybody is leaving. It must be extra strong, or maybe it's because it's an extra glass of wine I don't normally have, but I seem to fall asleep really quickly after drinking it. Sometimes, when I drink the dry wine, I wake up feeling a little sore and I don't have any clothes on, but I reckon, since it's the summer, and since the wine makes me feel warm, I must have gotten hot during the night, taken them off, and fallen back to sleep without remembering. As for being a little sore, I guess strong wine just does that to you. Or maybe I slept with my legs in a funny position. At least, that's what I tell myself. Sometimes Yaxley even brings me presents! Once he gave me a gift certificate to the ice cream parlor in Diagon Alley, and another time he gave me a bar of chocolate, and once he even gave me a gift certificate to The Three Broomsticks! Lucius has me stay at Joseph's house a few times, too. I'm not sure why he has me stay there, but I like hanging out with Joseph, and it's nice to get away from the manor once in a while. Narcissa comes over pretty often, and Lucius and I go to visit her frequently. Sometimes, if Lucius is busy working, Narcissa takes me out shopping with her, or we go out for lunch. I always feel like it's easier to eat around her. She never pressures me to eat or makes comments about my weight anymore. Narcissa usually orders a salad or soup. She always tries to get me to choose what I want to eat, but, since it's hard for me to make my own choices, especially about food, she normally gets me a sandwich. Once, we go to get ice cream, and I use the gift certificate Yaxley gave me to get us both ice cream.
"Who gave you the gift certificate? That was a thoughtful gift!" she smiles, and takes a small bite of her strawberry ice cream.
I shrug, and mutter, "Yaxley."
Her eyebrows furrow very slightly, and she says, "Hmm, that was nice of him. Why did he do that?"
"I don't know," I say, stabbing my own strawberry ice cream with my spoon, "I guess I earned it."
"What do you mean, you earned it?"
"I'm always good when he comes over," I shrug, "like Lucius says to be."
She leans in, and whispers, "Severus, I don't know what Lucius has told you about Corbin, but you need to be careful. My family and his family are close, and I've known him longer than I've known Lucius. My family wanted my eldest sister, Andromeda, to get married to him, but she wasn't interested. Corbin doesn't do anything unless it benefits him in some way, and he's not nearly as discrete or chivalrous as Lucius. I don't know what he wants from you, but I would be wary of accepting gifts from him or getting too friendly with him. Though, I suppose you don't have much of a choice, do you?" She sighs, and runs her delicately manicured fingers over her perfect blonde finger waves.
I shake my head.
"Well, then I guess just stay close to Lucius when you can. Don't spend too much time alone with Corbin if you can avoid it. Even I don't like to be alone with him, and I'm about to be a married woman!" she gives a short, uncomfortable laugh.
I give her a small, fake smile, and put a bite of ice cream into my mouth. For some reason, I don't want to eat it anymore.

The morning I have to be at the platform to return to Hogwarts, Lucius takes me to my house. While he deliberately looks the other way, I slip a small vial of Moonseed Poison into my father's bottle of vodka. A few drops should be enough to get the job done, but I want to make sure. I want to make his death as terrible as he has made my life. Just as I wanted, it stays clear. Before we leave, my mum comes downstairs to say goodbye. I show her my new ring, and she says it's nice. She asks what Lucius and I got up to while I was staying with him.
"I got some good studying done, and we sold some of my potions," I say, glancing at Lucius who is standing in the doorway with my trunk.
She hugs me with one arm and says, "Good! You work hard, so I'm sure you deserve the gold. Did you boys do anything else?"
The memories of how Yaxley's hands felt all over my body pop into my head, and Dolohov's voice rings in my ears calling me a whore and a slut. I hitch my smile back up, and quickly glance back at Lucius before saying, "Lucius introduced me to some of his friends and colleagues. Some of them work in the ministry, like Yaxley—"
"Yaxley?! Which one?" my mum interrupts, frowning.
"Corbin!" I say, glancing quickly at Lucius, who walks up to me and puts a hand on my shoulder.
"Cole passed away a while ago. Apparently he was killed by somebody to whom he owed a hefty sum of money," Lucius drawls.
"Oh," my mum says, rearranging her face to look sad, "what a shame! And Corbin's working in the ministry now?"
"He is! And very influential, too," Lucius smiles coldly at her.
"Good, I'm glad Severus is getting a chance to meet some good contacts," she says, smiling back. Her smile doesn't quite reach her eyes, though, and I can tell she's got something else on her mind, "Anyways, you know your father's supposed to be hearing about a promotion in a few days! The other couple of men who interviewed for the position are all new in the factory, so I think he's really going to get it this time! We're definitely going to celebrate if he does. I'll try to remember to send you an owl to let you know how it goes. Lucius, does he behave himself for you?"
"Yes, he's always well-behaved for me. My fiancé adores him, and my colleagues and friends were very pleased with him," he drawls.
My mum beams, then looks over at the clock, "Oh! I need to leave for work, and you two need to get going to the station! Lucius, thank you for taking such good care of him. Is there anything I can do to repay you?"
"No, Eileen, that's quite alright," he smiles coldly, "It's my pleasure. Severus does a magnificent job repaying me on his own."
I see her smile falter ever so slightly, but then she says, "That's good! I always told him to make sure he was giving back to you. Anyways, goodbye! Have a good year at school! I don't want to hear about you getting into any fights with those other boys. You behave yourself, you hear me?"
"Yes, ma'am. Have a good day at work."

As I leave the house, I take one last look around, and think to myself, "Everything is about to change."