I woke up feeling wet, I rolled onto my back, and opened my eyes slowly. It was very dark, obsessively white, also windy? I'd easily call this a blizzard why wasn't I cold?
I sat up and looked myself over, no signs of damage from the temperature, so it wasn't just a nerve issue? Ah actually, I should probably be more concerned about where I am.
Where was my front door? Why am I in the middle of a snowstorm? Is a diving power having a sick laugh? Am I the only one getting sick of all these questions, and the lack of answers to them? The only one I can answer was the last one. Yes.
So I gave a deep sigh and stood up stretching out and looking around, some kind of wreckage surrounded me. lots of broken metal and fire, the smell of cooking meat was very faint.
I felt my stomach lightly roll and immediately looked for a distraction. I heard a groan forward and to the left. I creep my way over, wary to make sure the origin of the sound is human.
Sure enough a lanky man in some kind of reinfornced body suit, is laying on the ground. A glossy black helmet covers their head. it is narrow and rounded at the front with a point at the back where the matte backing meets the reflective front side.
I clear my throat making them shoot up instantly, following that up by gaining around seven feet of distance between us.
"Are you okay?!" I shout over the wind. He tilts his head, body still tense, clearly anticipating a fight. I raaise both hands slightly and inch towards him till we are a more comfortable four feet away from him.
"Do you need help!? Are you hurt!?" I tried again now closer than before. The man's head straighened quickly while his mask displayed a red X mark for a few seconds, followed by a thumbs up emote."
I was going to continue inching closer when his head snapped left. I looked in the same direction and saw nothing, I strained my ears and heard nothing either.
With a heavy squint I slowly start to make out a small yellow...thing? In the distance, about twenty seconds later, there was a robot in front of me. he was kinda square, but also kinda triangular? he had a glowing blue eye and a single wheel to move.
"Oh my god! you're alive!" it screams in a high pitch voice. "Welcome! As you can see you're in the middle of nowhere, which is great cause all my friends are dead anyways!" He declared in an upbeat voice for morbidity of the topic.
"Uh...how did they die?" I asked.
"Well they were dead when I met 'em but it's all cause of Handsome Jack! He tends to throw whatever he doesn't like on a train and send it sky high here!" I looked around while the explanation was given to see lots of scrap metal and various vaguely human lumps.
"Seems like a waste of money to me. so uh...what now?" I ask turning back to the masked man.
before he could answer the robot interrupted. "Since I saved you guys, you'll be my fearsome minions! you'll protect me from all terrible skag sucking psychos on pandora! In fact here is your first paycheck that I definitely did not graverob two seconds before meeting you!"
I look down to see a small box-y contraption, with a screen, and some dials, and a couple buttons as well. Pretty sure there was some frozen blood caked to the top left corner, I was more than content to knock it off and forget it.
"Now then minions! I am a CL4P-TP steward robot! You guys can call me Claptrap! Now that you guys know my names, I'll call you Minion One." He said pointing to the other man.
The robot turned to me, "You'll be Minion Two, Definitely need good minions! There is tons of danger here on Pandora! Bandits, psychos, psycho bandits, skags, oh and bullymongs!" He informed us as he started moving in some direction.
I glance over seeing the other guy shrug, so we started following it. Maybe he'd have something useful wherever we were going? Although not knowing where we were puts a damper on things.
we reached a large building with a clear hole in the roof. it was piled high outside with junk and-"Are those Claptrap corpses?" I asked.
"Correct! At somepoint between before here and now Handsome Jack got sick of us! Can you believe it!?" He cried.
'Yes.'
"So he scrapped us all and shunted us out here! I was the only one to survive! I promise despite the cheery upbeat tone I am horrendously depressed! This just happens to be the factory default!" I nodded to that, made sense, still annoying though.
The robot threw his arms out to the side, "Aaaaaaaand opeeeeeen!" It commanded. To my surprise the door did in fact open, if very slowly and concerningly enough, to consider the damn thing might fall on me halfway through.
I stepped through the door way keeping an eye on makeshift guillotine barely held in place above me. followed shortly after.
"Now that it's reletive safe, wanna introduce ourselves?" I asked the man.
"My name is Zer0/I am a gun for hire/Assassin unmatched." I had been informed.
"Uh...well I'm Alexander, you can call me Alex, and I don't even know how I got here?" I replied.
"I just kinda woke up in the snow, after walking out of my house? I should honestly be freaking out but I feel weirdly numb?" I explained.
Zer0 nodded. "Quite the conundrum/A rock and hard place seem more comfy/Perhaps a bad prank?" A question mark lights up his helmet.
I give a shrug. "Couldn't tell ya. I guess my plan for now is to survive? I'll need to learn a lot about this world, considering I guess morals are in short supply here." I looked back to Claptrap who was saying something about knuckle dragging or something? I wasn't really paying attention.
I turned back to Zer0. "Pandora Nightmare/Killers breed like rabbits non-stop/Common sense gets shot." He replied.
"Ah." was all that escaped my mouth. I gave it a second to sink in. This was gonna fuckin' suck wasn't it?
something loud slammed against the roof startling me. I glanced towards Zer0 who had directed his attention towards the ceiling. I looked up to see a massive four armed blue ape-like creature covered in thick white fur descend through the hole in the roof.
It was wearing a necklace with a gun hanging off it. It picked up Claptrap.
"Save me minions! There's a gun in that box! Saaaaaave meeee!" It cried as the hitman started firing at creature, it shrugged off most the bullets before ripping out the robot's eye, fixing it to the necklace, and making itself scarce the way it came.
Claptrap slammed to the ground with a minor tremor, and a grating screech of metal against some form of stone. "My eye! My eye! It huuuuurts! Waaaaah!" The nuisance cried out.
"Hey!" I called.
He stopped briefly and "looked" at me. "Aren't you a robot? Robots don't feel pain?" I stated.
"Normally you'd be right my minion! however, my creator was one sick mother lover! all Claptrap units are factory defaulted to eight hundred times pain reception! it's almost as if someone hates me or something but there's no way thats true!" He explained before continuing to roll on the ground screaming in agony.
I shrugged and turned back to Zer0 who had a question mark on his mask and pointed at my hand. My head tilted in confusin as I directed my vision downwards.
"Huh?" I quite brilliantly stated. My mind going blank as TV static filled my brain. Before I could question what was in my hand, a pale woman with blue-purple eyes and long black hair pulled back with a bang hanging over her forehead appeared within the static.
"Hello Vault Hunters, I don't have time to explain now but I will soon. You're in danger right now, help fix the little robot and he will guide you to Sanctuary. The last resistance against a man named Handsome Jack. It's the last bastion of safety." We were informed before the static disappeared and she vanished.
I rubbed my eyes before realizing my hand was empty. I stuck out a hand as if grasping something. Nothing happened, I frown and my head tilts, I try again. Still nothing. "Whatever. Hey, who's this Handsome Jack guy?" I ask.
Zer0 looks startled as he does confused. "You don't know about him/Narcissistic C.E.O./Crazy as they come." He explained.
"Shunting people off to the arctic, and blowing them up, is a lil past as they come bud. Pretty sure thats full blown psychopathy." I replied.
"Tame for pandora/Crime runs like water and blood/Try not to throw up." He said.
I run a hand down my face and sigh. "Fuck it! Fine. Guess it's time to go with the flow and adapt." I said cracking my neck. "Ain't been doing much else so far." I stretch out a bit more before turning to the robot.
"Let's go find your eye." I sigh giving the top of his head a couple pats. "I'll see about looking up some instructions when we get to the sanctuary place, to make you a little less..." I don't bother to finish the sentence as he slams into a wall before correcting course and going through the specially shaped flap.
I turn back to Zer0 who nods and walks through the door on the other side of the flap.
Giving this place a quick last second snoop, I snag some cash in a few boxes near the door, and pocket it before slipping out.
