September 15th, 1976

Today is the day of Slytherin Quidditch team tryouts, and Evan is Keeper and team captain! Joseph is trying out again, so John, Clarence, and I all go out to the stands to watch and support our friends. I always really enjoy watching Evan play— he's so good at everything he does! Tryouts seem to go well, as far as I can tell, but there's one girl that always stands right next to Evan any time she can whenever they all land.
Irked, I nudge Clarence and ask him, "Hey, isn't that girl with the two braids Katherine Greengrass?"
"Yeah! She's a fourth-year. We've hung out a few times when our parents have had dinner parties. She and Evan are expected to get together."
"What?!" I exclaim, voice cracking.
John snickers, "You two talking about Greengrass? She's something else!"
"Yeah," I say with a weak smile, "she's a good flyer!" The smile melts off my face as she makes a goal and Evan shoots her a smile. The flyers land, and Greengrass lands right next to Evan, and I ask Clarence, "Who're you s'posed to end up with?"
"Elizabeth Fawley, but she's a first-year, so I still have some time to mess around," Clarence murmurs as Evan dismisses a few of the younger students, "I'll hang out with her and get to know her this year, but I'm not asking a first-year out. That'd be so gross."
"Yeah, that'd be weird," I say, thinking of how Yaxley and Dolohov always want to spend time with me over the summer at the manor. But I'm a boy, so it's different, I guess. And I'm sure they're not actually attracted to me. Yaxley's even engaged!
"I'm surprised Evan's never made an attempt to hang out with Katherine, to be honest. I'd think he'd want to get to know her since he's supposed to get married to her, you know? And she's old enough he could definitely ask her out, though his family's pretty religious, so maybe he's waiting till they're both out of school," Clarence muses.
"I dunno, maybe. Still, it's a bit weird. Maybe he likes somebody else! Has he ever told you, Severus?" John asks me.
"Mm mm," I shake my head. Evan never told me he was expected to marry Katherine Greengrass.
"What about you? You like anybody?" Clarence asks me.
"I dunno, I've just been focused on studying. Last year was a little rough for me, so I'm trying to make this year good," I murmur, still watching Evan.
"Yeah, that's true. But you still always got good grades last year! Why not loosen up a bit? I'm sure there are plenty of girls who want a short, skinny guy like you!" Clarence laughs, "What about Sarah Moore? She's tiny, too!"
"Yeah, I think she's even shorter than you are, Severus!" John says.
Thinking of what Potter did to me after O.W.L's last school year, I shake my head, "Nobody would want to go out with me."
"If you say so," Clarence shrugs, then turns to John. While they talk about girls they fancy, girls they've gone out with, and girls they've kissed, I lose myself in thought, watching tryouts and wondering if Evan ever really thought I was perfect, or if he was just curious and wanted to know if I would kiss him back. He was probably just horny and wanted to mess around. I'm just a poor, ugly half-blood, anyways. Nobody could really love me. I guess being useful is all I'm good for, but it's alright. Everything is fine.

When tryouts are over, we go down to greet Evan and Joseph and walk back to the castle. When Evan sees me, he runs up and hugs me tight. I pull away quickly, hugging myself and looking down.
"I'm so glad you all could make it! I was nervous, but I think I've got a good team. I just need to talk to Joseph tonight, then I think I can finalize my picks for the team!" he grins, looking at Clarence, John, and me.
"Good!" exclaims John "It looked like you were pretty thorough, so I'm sure you'll put together a good team."
Clarence grins, nudges Evan, and whispers, "So? What do you think about Katherine? She seemed very interested in being close to you!"
Evan runs his hand through his hair, glances at me, and starts walking, saying, "She's a good chaser, that's for sure! I know I should be getting to know her more, but I've just been busy, you know?"
Joseph laughs, "Well, she certainly wants to get to know you! She was following you around like a lost puppy!"
Evan lets out a hollow laugh, "I suppose so! I must have just been too focused on tryouts to notice!"
John and Clarence exchange quick looks behind Evan's back.
Evan ruffles my hair as we walk, and murmurs, "You cold?"
I nod, still looking at the ground.
Evan takes his Keeper's helmet off and plops it onto my head.
"Get that off me!" I exclaim angrily.
Evan pulls the helmet back off my head and puts it under his right arm, "Merlin, what's gotten into you? Have Potter and Black been messing with you again?"
I just shrug, shove my hands into my pockets, and fall back to walk with Clarence and John.

Later that night, after we've eaten supper and settled down in our dorm, we gather around Joseph's bed, facing Evan. I sit on the floor, hugging my knees to my chest. Joseph and Clarence sit on the bed, and John sits on Joseph's trunk. After talking for a while about Evan's choices for the team, Evan is confident about who he's chosen, and writes down their names and positions to post on the notice board in the common room. When he gets up to go to the common room, he looks expectantly at me, and when I don't make any move to get up, he leaves.

A few days later, as we're on our way back to the common room after serving a detention for fighting with Potter and Black, Evan asks me to step into the old, abandoned classroom next to the lab with him. When we get inside, Evan locks the door, and casts a silencing charm over the room.
"Is everything okay?" I ask, suddenly nervous. I'm cold, and beginning to shiver, "Why did you bring me here?"
"You've been acting differently since tryouts. What's going on? Why are you mad at me? You've hardly been talking to me at all!"
"It doesn't matter," I mumble.
Evan's silent for a minute, then says quietly, "Is it because of Katherine?"
"Why didn't you tell me you were supposed to marry her?" I ask sadly.
"I didn't want to think about it," he mumbles, "I know I'm expected to marry her someday, but I haven't wanted to think about it yet."
"Oh yeah? Then why did you kiss me last year if you've got a girl you're s'posed to marry?!" My voice is getting louder, but I don't care, "Why did you hold me every night after Lucius' wedding, like we were some sort of couple?! Why did you say you thought I was perfect?! Just to fuck with me?! Was I just practice for when you get together with her?!"
"No! I– I just–," Evan stutters, running a hand through his hair and looking awkwardly at the old blackboard.
"Did you just wanna experiment, and I was convenient?!" I yell, "I'M NOT A WHORE!" I'm surprised to find that my eyes are blurring from tears. I wipe my eyes angrily, and walk to the door.
Evan grabs my wrist, and pulls me back, exclaiming, "Listen, Sev! Don't go! I can explain!"
"Fine," I snarl, yanking my wrist out of his grasp,"but it'd better be a good explanation."
"First of all, I know you're not a whore. I don't know why you would say that. Second of all, I thought it would have been obvious to you. I like you! How could you not know that?!"
"'Cause you're s'posed to get married to Greengrass!"
"I know I'm supposed to, but I don't want to! I want to be with you!" Evan pleads, and for the first time, he looks desperate, "And I'm scared of how I feel! Everybody says it's wrong, and disgusting to feel like this, and my parents are always saying how men who are like this are going to hell, and how they deserve to get sick and die, and I'm scared!"
I take a deep breath, and wrap my arms around him, squeezing him tight, "Thank you for telling me how you feel."
"Do you think I'm disgusting for feeling this way?" Evan chokes.
I shake my head, and gathering up all my courage, I pull his head down and kiss him, "Does that answer your question?" I say quietly.
Evan looks as if Christmas has come early, and in response, he tangles his fingers in my hair and kisses me back.
When we finally break apart, I say, "Nobody can know."
"I know," Evan murmurs, stroking my cheek.
I lean my head on his chest, and ask, "What if they find out?"
"Who? Potter and Black?" Evan asks quietly.
I nod, "I don't need to give them another reason to pick on me."
"Nobody's going to know," Evan says, wrapping me back up in his arms and rubbing my back, "I wish the professors would do something to stop them. I'm still angry at what happened after O.W.L's. I should have been there to protect you."
"I don't need protection, they just caught me off guard is all," I mutter.
"But still, I should've been there. As soon as we got done with our tests, we all grouped back up and noticed you were missing, so we started looking for you, but we were too late."
I shake my head, "No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have gone off on my own. They only pick on me like that when I'm alone and when it's the two of them together."
"And then when you fight back and hurt one of them, you're the bad guy."
I nod.
Evan's arms tighten around me.
"And the professors say the magic I use is bad, but then Potter and Black use my own spells against me, and that's okay! I hate it, Evan! I don't understand why everybody always takes their side!"
"I know. I don't understand either," Evan murmurs, and lets go of me, "But it's not all bad, right? I'm here for you!"
I smile, and say, "I know."
Evan gives me a kiss, and grins, "You sure you don't want to do more than just kiss tonight?"
"We shouldn't. We should wait."
"I understand. I'll wait for you, Sev. It makes me feel better knowing you feel the same way, though." Evan opens the door to the hallway, but suddenly stops and puts a hand over my mouth as we go to step out. Out of my right ear, I can hear footsteps, as if somebody is trying to steady themselves. We stand like that for a minute, then, hearing nothing else, we close the door and tiptoe back to the common room.

When we get inside, I whisper, "What was that? It sounded like another student!"
"I don't know, but it was weird. It sounded like it was close to us, but I didn't see anything!"
"Maybe a ghost? But they don't make any noise! It definitely wasn't a cat or anything like that!"
"I don't know," Evan frowns, "And honestly, I don't want to find out. Let's just go to bed."
I agree, and we head back to our dorm. I just can't brush off the feeling that the person behind the footsteps we heard was Potter. I can't imagine anybody else who would be lurking around trying to snoop on me, but how could it be? We didn't see anybody there! Maybe he followed us from our detention? Then Black was probably there, too! But how could it be them? We didn't see anything! Maybe one of these days I'll catch them at it, but even if I did, nobody would listen to me. It's better to just keep my eyes and ears open and watch my back. Potter's already taken away my first and best friend, I don't need him to ruin Hogwarts for me any more than he already has.

We quickly change and get ready for bed, but once the lights are off and I'm in bed, I have a hard time falling asleep. I want to fall asleep with Evan's arms around me again. Those few nights after Lucius' wedding were so nice— like a good dream. I miss taking a nice, warm shower, putting on my sweatpants and one of Evan's sweaters, and getting into his bed at night. I miss letting him wrap me up in his arms and hold me all night. Even though it was only for a few days, it was nice not having to go to sleep alone. Maybe someday we'll be able to fall asleep like that again. Maybe we can spend Easter break here again, then we'll have lots of time together! I turn around in my bed to look at Evan. He's lying on his back looking at the ceiling. I wish I could go to him, and I silently berate myself for ever believing that none of it meant anything.