October 1st, 1977

This past summer wasn't too bad. Dolohov only came over once. According to him, he was out of town on business. I'm grateful to whatever business he was on that kept him away from me. Yaxley was pretty busy as well, thankfully. Apparently him and his fiancé were busy planning their wedding. Somehow, though, he still managed to find time to come spend time at the manor occasionally when Narcissa was out. I lost more weight over the summer, but I got to spend the week before school at Evan's house, and the Rosier's took us to the station, so I gained a bit back then. Madame Pomfrey said my weight wasn't low enough at the beginning of the year to be sent to St. Mungo's, but she did remind me that if my weight dips too low, she won't hesitate to admit me. At this point, I don't really believe her anymore. I don't even think she has the legal authority to admit me, since, in the wizarding world, I'm technically an adult by age now. Lucius' temporary guardianship expired when I turned 17, so I don't think anybody really has the power to admit me anymore except me. I don't know for certain, though. Lucius probably could if he really wanted to, but I know he never would. It would tarnish his reputation for me to be admitted to St. Mungo's for refusing to eat.

It is a beautiful autumn Monday as I walk out of Herbology class. None of my other friends decided to continue with Herbology this year, so the only other Slytherin in class is Morgan. She's friendly, and we always partner up for projects. We don't really hang out outside of class, but we have a good time in class. Once, when somebody from the ministry came to take pictures for an article they were writing about Hogwarts for the Daily Prophet, Morgan and I were working with some sick mandrakes. When the photographer asked to take our picture, Morgan cradled the screaming mandrake in her arms like it was her baby, and I put my arm around her shoulder as if I was the dad. They ended up using the picture in the article! It was so funny that John cut it out and put it up on the Slytherin common room notice board with a note reading, "Congratulations to Severus and Morgan— new parents to the world's most beautiful baby!" I'm pretty sure the picture is still up, and I hope it stays that way after we graduate.

Instead of going straight back to the castle, I set out for the Forbidden Forest. I like to sit on the very outskirts of the forest after Herbology every other day to study and enjoy the weather alone. Sometimes I see a large black dog that looks like Hagrid's old dog Monster looked before he passed away and a young buck running a little ways into the forest. I always like it when they're there. It seems odd to me that the buck doesn't seem to be afraid of the dog, though I guess it is about to be mating season. Maybe he's trying to chase the dog off? Maybe he's just extra brave. Or extra stupid. But I haven't seen any does around. Maybe they're hiding? It's a weird feeling, but it almost seems as if the buck and the dog are playing. When I reach my spot, I'm snapped out of my thoughts as Potter steps in front of me, seemingly out of nowhere.
"Snivellous– have you seen who's at the castle today? It's your sugar daddy! Who do you think he's here to see?" he uses about the same tone of voice and expression as a patronizing adult telling their toddler that they can have a piece of candy if they finish their vegetables.
"Lucius is not my sugar daddy!" I growl, reaching for my wand. Before I can grab it, however, my arm is twisted behind my back by Black. He presses my thumb ring into my skin painfully, and I let out an involuntary whimper of pain as I feel the tail of the snake break my skin.
"Sirius, you don't want to get in trouble," says Lupin tiredly.
"We won't get in trouble. Nobody cares about him, do they? And besides, we just want to have a chat with ol' Snivelly here, don't we, James?" Black laughs as he grabs my wand from my pocket, jerks me around, and throws me forcefully to the ground. I feel the wind from the swish of his wand, and I am paralyzed.
"Sirius!" says Lupin a little more sharply, but doesn't do anything to stop his friends. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Pettigrew standing behind Lupin. I didn't see them when I was walking over, so I'm not sure where they all came from. Were they waiting in the woods? That can't be it– I would have at least seen the outlines of their bodies against the trees!
"So, Snape, why's your sugar daddy here today?" Potter says gleefully, squatting down by my head. Black removes the spell and puts his foot on my back, pushing me into the ground.
"How should I know?" I growl, fighting against Black, "And I already told you, Lucius isn't my sugar daddy. He's just a friend!"
"Sirius, let him up!" Lupin exclaims, "He doesn't even have his wand!"
"Merlin's Beard, Moony! Fine! I was just messing with him, anyways!" Black grumbles as he takes his foot off my back.
"May I, your highness?" I sneer at Black before sitting up.
"You go right ahead!" he sneers back at me from above, looking extremely pleased with himself. I sit up and pull my knees to my chest. I don't even bother standing up.
"I didn't say anything about Malfoy!" Potter laughs. Suddenly, my face feels hot, "But it's pretty obvious even to you, isn't it? So if your sugar daddy didn't give you all the nice stuff you have, who did? Last I checked, you were just poor trash from Cokeworth!" says Potter, still squatting down. I spit at his feet.
"Fuck you," I snarl, "Yeah, Lucius gave me a lot of the stuff I have, but that doesn't make him my sugar daddy. He's just a good friend."
Potter rolls his eyes at me and points to my thumb, "I don't know of any 'good friends' who give their friends fancy snake rings, clothes, shoes, and whatever else Malfoy gives you. Or did I miss a memo somewhere? Peter? Did I miss something?" he calls out to Pettigrew.
"Nope!" Pettigrew laughs.
"Look, what does it matter to you? Lucius gives me nice stuff. So what? Why do you care?" I sigh dejectedly. If Lucius really is here, I want to go back to the castle to see him.
"What I want to know is why he still keeps you around. He's got a wife, right? And I'm pretty sure that nobody is into sneaky, skinny, nasty little goblins like you. But again, maybe I missed a memo somewhere!"
"When have I ever expressed a desire to disclose information about my personal life to you?" I sneer, ignoring the jab at my appearance.
"Is it potions? Are you making potions for him? What do you provide that he can't already get? 'Cause if you're selling potions without a license like Lily said, that's illegal, buddy," says Black, squatting down next to Potter, "and you better believe we'll get you for it."
"I'm not selling anything— she doesn't know what she's talking about. She probably misheard something. If you're trying to get dirt on me, you won't find any. My slate's clean, unlike some people," I grumble, rubbing my back and feeling a surge of anger at Lily for telling them about my potions. That was two years ago! "I mean, sure I make him potions sometimes, but nothing he couldn't get from Slug & Jigger or St. Mungo's."
"Do you suck his dick while you're at it?" Black sneers, "What about his friends? Lily said you used to polish their brooms before quidditch games!"
All of a sudden, a vague, hazy memory of a strong hand tangling in my hair and shoving my face into the floor floods my brain. As soon as it appears, a fog seems to cover it, and then it is gone again. I try to grasp at the memory as it fades away, but suddenly I can't remember what I'm trying to remember anymore. Then my skin crawls as I remember the feeling of Dolohov and Yaxley's calloused hands caressing and groping at my bare skin. Shaken, I reply, "I'm not a whore, and I'm not like that, anyways. Neither is Lucius. He's got a wife. You shouldn't say things like that."
"I don't know, James, he's sketchy as hell," Black says to Potter. I glare at Lupin and hug my knees to my chest. He looks away.
"We don't have any proof that he's selling anything illegally, Sirius. I wish we did, though. I know he's doing it, he's just sneaky," Potter grumbles.
"Well, I guess watch your back for now, Snivellous," Black smiles nastily and shoves me over again. As they walk away towards the other side of the forest, Black tosses my wand into the grass. Lupin grabs my wand from the ground, tosses it to me, then tries to offer me his hand to help me up.
"Are you okay?" he whispers.
"Don't," I say curtly.
"I'm sorry."
"It doesn't matter, just go," I sigh, picking myself and my wand up from the ground and dusting the leaves off my robes, "There's no footprint, is there?"
"No, there isn't,"
"Fantastic," I say, then, because I can't help myself, I ask, "Hey, Lupin?"
"Yeah?" he asks interestedly.
"You ever seen that buck and dog that run around in the forest together?"
He hesitates for a second, then says, "A few times. Why do you ask?"
"It's just— don't you think it's weird? I've never seen a buck and dog act like that before. He's definitely not scared of the dog, and the dog doesn't seem to be trying to take him down, either."
"That's true," he says, a small smile playing around his lips, "but I don't think we need to tell anybody about it. They're not causing any harm."
"No, it's just odd. I just figured I'd ask to see if you'd seen them, too. When you're, you know," I glance around to make sure nobody is listening, "not yourself, can you talk to other animals?"
He regards me for a minute as if contemplating his answer. Finally, he says, "I'm not sure. I know I can communicate with them on a certain level. I can feel their emotions, but a wolf and a rat, for example, don't speak the same language."
"Oh, that makes sense. Sorry I asked, I just figured maybe you'd be able to talk to them two if you ever saw them."
He shakes his head, "I stay in the Shrieking Shack. You know that."
"I guess. Sorry. I promise I haven't told anybody or anything, I just figured I'd ask."
"I understand. Thank you for keeping my secret. I'm sorry I can't do more with Sirius and James," he says, motioning towards them. They're standing at the edge of the forest, looking back at us.
"No, I understand. You don't wanna lose your friends. And besides, I shouldn't be wandering around alone anyways. It's my own fault," I mumble, feeling awkward, "Anyways, I gotta go."
"See you around, Severus."
Turning my back on Lupin, I trudge back to the castle, mind lost in thought. I faintly remember trying to grasp at a fading memory a few minutes ago, but I can't for the life of me remember what memory it was that I was trying to hold onto. I shrug, and roll my head as if trying to shake away a bad feeling. Even if I could remember what it was, it probably wouldn't matter anyway.

When I finally make it back to the common room, Lucius is sitting in his old chair by the fire reading the Daily Prophet. Smiling, I slowly sneak up behind him, then leaning over around the back of his armchair, I cover his eyes lightly with my fingers.
"Boo!" I say playfully.
"Severus!" he laughs, prying my fingers away from his eyes "I was hoping to surprise you! I brought you some coffee! It's got chocolate in it, so it's sweet!"
"Thanks! I definitely need some tonight— I'm so tired!" I feel eyes on my back, and quickly glance around. Evan is sitting at a table on the other end of the common room staring at me. I smile at him. He shoots me a terse smile back, then looks back down at his book.
"I figured you'd need some extra fuel to study! Your exams will be coming up soon, correct?"
"Mm hmm, yeah! But not for another month. Still, I've been studying hard because I want to make sure I remember everything!"
"Good! You're so clever, Severus," he smiles at me and pulls me down to give me a tight hug. I feel my spine crack in the spot Black's foot was on, "Merlin! Have you been hunching your back? That was a big crack!"
"No, I've been trying to stand up straight like you said, but I suppose my back is just stiff from sleeping funny last night," I lie, sitting down on the floor right in front of his chair.
Lucius hands me my coffee, and says, "Well, anyways, tomorrow is Saturday, so I figured, since I was already out on business today, that I would take you out for dinner tonight to the Three Broomsticks. And besides, I have things I want to discuss with you."
"Really? That would be awesome! Thank you!" I smile, and take a sip of my coffee, "This coffee is great, Lucius! It's not bitter at all!"
"I'm glad you like it. You don't like bitter things, do you?" he smirks.
"Yeah, bitter stuff reminds me of those concussion potions from St. Mungo's," I murmur.
Lucius gently pushes a loose strand of hair behind my ear, and says "Well, it's a good thing you'll never have to worry about taking those again, right?"
"Mm hmm!" I nod my head emphatically, "What did you want to discuss?"
"Oh, this and that," Lucius chuckles, and pats my head.
Evan roughly throws his books into his bag and stalks over to the dormitory. I finish my coffee as we walk through the school to get to Hogsmeade. As we ascend the staircases, I see Potter, Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew descending the stairs on the opposite side of the room. I bet they're snooping around trying to dig up dirt on me. I smile to myself, knowing that they'll never find anything out about my poisons. At least they won't if they're just looking around Hogwarts.

At supper, I get chicken tenders and fries. I pick at my food, but I happily drink the Butterbeer Lucius gets me. Lucius asks me all sorts of questions about my classes, my friends, the professors, and the school. I tell him that I'm excited to graduate next semester, but that I'm a little nervous about life after school. He rubs my back and tells me not to worry about it, and that we can talk about that when the time is right. I want to ask what he means, but instead, I ask him about his life.
"So how has work been for you?"
"It's been steady. There is a lot going on in the world these days. Narcissa has been busy as well. She has been working hard volunteering at St. Mungo's. It's important to keep up appearances, right, Severus?"
"Mm hmm!"
"How has studying for your potions mastery been going? "
"It's been a lot of extra work and studying, and it's hard on my wrists," I sigh, and sip my Butterbeer. I'm so tired. Sometimes I wish I could just fall asleep and not wake up again.
"You'll manage," Lucius says, "You know," he murmurs, picking up one of the chicken tenders I haven't finished yet and handing it to me, "Narcissa had another miscarriage a couple of weeks ago."
"Oh no! Lucius, I'm so sorry! That's terrible! Nobody told me she was pregnant again!" I say, putting the chicken tender back down.
He throws his long, platinum hair over his shoulder and picks the chicken tender back up. He hands it to me again, saying, "She wasn't very far along, so we hadn't announced it yet. Eat your food, Severus."
"But still," I say, taking the chicken tender from him begrudgingly, "that's still sad, though! Do you think it would make her feel better if I wrote her a letter, or no?"
"I suppose so. She was really heartbroken," he says, then seeing me picking the breading off the chicken tender, he sighs, and exclaims, "Just put the food in your mouth and eat it, Severus. You're infuriating!"
"Fine! I'm eating! See?" I say, peeling a tiny piece of chicken off my chicken tender and putting it in my mouth.
"You're going to finish that before we go back."
"Fine!" I exclaim. He raises one eyebrow at me, and I lower my eyes to my plate and murmur, "Sorry. I meant, yes, Lucius."

When we're done at the Three Broomsticks, we walk around Hogsmeade for a while. Lucius is frustrated with how long it's taking for Narcissa to get and stay pregnant. He says it shouldn't be this hard for people who want a baby to have a baby when people like my parents conceived me out of wedlock. I agree, and tell him it'll be okay. One of these days it'll all work out, and their baby will be perfect. Lucius says that he wants a boy, but Narcissa has been hoping for a girl. I tell him my mum always said she wished she had had a girl instead of a boy, too, and it must be that all ladies want to have daughters first, and all men want to have sons. Talking seems to put Lucius in a better mood, and when it's time to head back to Hogwarts, he walks me back to the Slytherin common room. When we get inside, I notice Evan sitting alone. He turns his head as we walk in, but upon seeing us, he looks back at the fire.
"Bye, Lucius! Thanks for dinner and for the coffee! It was good!" I smile, giving Lucius a hug.
He pats my back, and purrs, "Of course! It was my pleasure! You should take a shower before going to bed tonight. Your hair is looking a little rough."
"I'm almost out of my shampoo and conditioner," I admit, looking down.
"You should have said something sooner! I'll send you more in a couple of days, alright?"
I thank him, and after we've said goodnight, I go sit next to Evan. He scoots away from me. Assuming he's playing, I scoot closer to him.
He stands up, and says gruffly, "I'm going to bed," then stalks away from me, leaving me confused and feeling hurt. As the common room slowly empties, I stare into the fire, wondering what it was I was trying to remember earlier that day.