On Monday evening while Clarence and Joseph are practicing their transfiguration and John and Evan are practicing their charms, I head to the potions lab to get started on a new potion I need to know for my Mastery exam at the end of the year. I always like working alone in the lab. The bubbling cauldron is peaceful, and there's nobody there to bother me. I can focus on my work and dissociate from the rest of the world. I set my things down, flip my head over, gather my hair into a ponytail, and loop the ends through into a bun. Satisfied that no hair is going to fall into my ingredients or my face while I am working, I begin setting out my knives and reading the recipe for today's potion, making notes as I go. I'm startled out of my thoughts as a Gryffindor sweater appears in front of my face. For a second, I imagine picking up my paring knife and driving it straight through the large letter G, but I push the impulse away and look up.
"Do you need something?" I sneer, raising one eyebrow and locking onto Potter's ugly brown eyes.
"Nice hickeys ya got there, Snivellous," he smirks, not breaking eye contact.
I can feel myself blush, and I look away, "Thanks," I mutter sarcastically.
"So?" he says, putting a tanned and calloused hand right next to my textbook. I grab my wand in my pocket, ready for a fight.
"So what?" I snarl, moving my textbook away from him.
"Who decided they were desperate enough to fuck you? Did you have to blindfold them? Or was it your sugar daddy? He was just here, wasn't he? We saw you leave the castle with him."
I take a deep breath and try to clear my mind. It doesn't work, so I take another deep breath, release my grip on my wand, grab my paring knife and a few rat tails, then slowly say, "I only have three things to say to you, and then you can fuck off. First, that's a low blow. I expect more creative insults from you than comments about my appearance. Second, that's disgusting, and you know it. I would never do that with Lucius. He took me out for dinner then we came back here to play chess. And third, if you want to be an auror like you say you do, maybe focus a little more on your studies and a little less on me."
"How did you know I wanted to be an auror?"
"Are you actually as stupid as you look? You sit over there every class period and loudly discuss your life with anybody who will listen. I'm not even listening, and I still know everything about your cocker spaniel that died last month, and how your dad wants you to take over the family business but you don't want to, and how you and Lily are moving in together after school. I know way more than I wish I knew about your life," I sneer, using my knife to point to the right side of the room where he and Lily always sit, "and besides, you've always fancied yourself a vigilante, haven't you? I just sort of figured that's the sort of bullshit job you'd want."
"So you think being an auror is a bullshit job, do you? Dark wizards catch themselves, do they?" Potter's smirk is gone from his face, and he looks a bit flushed.
"I wouldn't know," I say, sneering as I begin cutting my rat tails.
"No, Snape, I want to know. How would you deal with a dark wizard? Since you think aurors are so unnecessary, what would you do?"
Thinking of Dolohov, I say, "If somebody really nasty came after me, I'd let them lose just enough blood so that they couldn't fight back, then I'd snap their wand, tie them up, and let a poison do the rest. Guess I'd probably leave them somewhere, too, so it'd be out of my hands. You know, wear gloves or something so I don't leave fingerprints," I shrug, "I don't trust the Ministry or the Aurors with any business of mine, anyways."
"So you'd torture them and then commit murder?" he frowns, slowly walking behind me. I turn around, knife still in my hand, and he stops right in front of me.
"Not torture, just laziness. I don't want to have to bother fighting and risk losing. Better to let one spell," I point to his cheeks where the scars from my Sectumsempra spell are still pink, "do the work for me. And anyways, murder is legal if it's in self-defense, and if it's somebody really terrible, then they deserve the pain. And besides, if nobody ever catches you, then it's not your problem," I snarl, pointing the knife at his chest and imagining how lovely it would feel to stab him right where the ribs begin to separate, down by the diaphragm and at the bottom of the lungs. It would be so easy, too. With my other hand, I slowly wrap my fingers around my wand.
"You can put that knife down," Potter growls, going for his own wand.
I whip my own wand out, and wordlessly disarm him with a flick. His wand flies backwards and hits the wall, and I put the tip of my wand to his throat. Still pointing the knife at his chest, I snarl, "Back up and we can talk."
He doesn't move.
"One."
He glances at the knife. I smile darkly up at him and touch the tip of the knife to his sweater. It is so sharp that it forms a small hole in the fabric.
"Two."
He takes a step backwards.
"Keep going."
He frowns, and, eyes still fixed on my wand, grabs his own from the floor and walks back around to the other side of the table.
"Why'd you come in here anyways? Just to harass me?"
"No. You're gonna tell me what kinds of potions you're selling and who's buying them."
I laugh, and start cutting my rat tails again, "Still on that, are we?"
"Sure are. Come on, I'll even put my wand away! I'll play nice if you do! Promise!" he smiles mockingly, and makes a show of putting his wand back in his pocket.
"Potter, you really are pathetic. So pathetic that I'll even give you a little tip. If you want somebody to tell you their secrets, harassing them for years, telling them they're ugly, and insinuating that they're a gay whore is not the way. You need to get close enough to get them to trust you, rely on intimidation or torture, or slip them some veritaserum. As for me, I would never trust you even if you tried, and I won't let myself be intimidated or tortured into talking. I suppose your best bet would be veritaserum, but you'll never be good enough at potions to brew it, and you'll never get close enough to me to force me to take it if you bought some. Even if I was doing something illegal, which I'm not, I'd never let myself be caught by the likes of you," I sneer, putting my cut-up rat tails in their own small bowl and turning to face him again. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the door open. We both turn to see who's coming in, but I look back towards my ingredients when I see Lily's emerald green eyes.
"Lily!" Potter calls out. Lily smiles at him the same way she used to smile at me, and I take a deep breath, trying to focus on picking out what ingredient I want to prepare next.
"Hi, James! Severus! What are you two doing?" she says suspiciously.
"Having tea," I snarl, "Care to join us?" I motion sarcastically to a chair by my table.
Lily smiles, and then, as if realizing that she shouldn't be smiling at me anymore, she walks over to Potter and kisses him on the cheek. Potter smirks at me.
"But really. What are you doing? Remus said you were down here working on your essay for Advanced Potions, so I knew you must be up to no good!" Lily laughs.
Potter smiles, ruffles his hair, and says, "Congratulating Snape on finally getting a girlfriend!"
"Oh! You have a girlfriend? Who is she? I thought— well, nevermind," she says, going red.
"No, I don't have a girlfriend," I say through gritted teeth, grabbing the rest of my ingredients, "but thanks anyways."
"Sorry," she says, then smiling, she laughs jokingly, "Then was it a one night stand? I would never have expected it from you, Severus!"
My lips curl into a short smile, but then I remember that she's with Potter, and that we're not friends anymore. I set my ingredients on my table and sneer at her, "Well, I never expected you to be the sort of person to go out with, as you said, a pompous toe-rag, but here we are, I suppose. How much is he paying you to go out with him?"
She glares angrily back, and exclaims "You know I'm better than that! I would never hang around somebody horrible just because they gave me nice things, though you seem to have no problem with that sort of thing."
"That's different!" I snarl, "At least your family had enough money for clothes and food! If it wasn't for Lucius, I wouldn't have anything!"
"I told you over and over that you'd be welcome at my house!" her voice is getting louder, and that familiar spark seems to be back in her eyes, but I don't care. I'm not the same person I was two years ago. I don't want to apologize anymore. I don't care. She was the one who was wrong, not me! It's not my fault she got in the way!
"If I had hung out with you all the time, I would have lost all my other friends and everything!" I exclaim.
Potter is standing as if rooted to the spot, looking nervously back and forth between Lily and me.
"If your friends would leave you because you were hanging out with a muggle-born, then why would you want them in the first place?!"
"Would you want to be an outcast in your own common room? My own parents hated me! Why would I want the people I share a dorm with to hate me, too?! You don't understand! You never understood! You're— you're impossible! And you're one to talk about morals! You spent all those years telling me how much you hated him," I point my knife at Potter, "just to turn around and go out with him! I bet you're only doing it to piss me off, aren't you?!"
"What do you care who I go out with? We're not even friends anymore! You never even wanted to ask me out!" Lily's eyes are wet, but I don't care.
"I care because you always acted as if he was the shittiest person alive, but now you're kissing him in the corridors, and going to Hogsmeade with him, and moving in with him after school!" "People change! You should know that better than anybody with the way you act!"
"Not him! He's a horrible person, and you're two-faced for staying with him!"
She grabs her wand and whips it out of her pocket, "You're the most two-faced person I know, Severus! You pretend to be naïve, but I know you! You're just as mean and rotten as the rest of them!" Tears are streaming down her face.
"You take that back!" I snarl, and point my wand at her heart, "Don't you dare talk about my friends that way!"
Potter steps in front of Lily, drawing his wand and pointing it at me. She pushes him out of the way, exclaiming, "You stay out of this!" then, pointing her wand back at me, she shouts, "I won't take it back! I know you never defended me or any other muggleborn around your friends!"
"Why would I? Would you want to be all alone in your own house? You're being stupid!"
"I would have done what's right!"
"That's easy for you to say! You've always had friends! Everybody likes you! I never had anybody growing up except you! Why would I throw away the one chance I had at getting more friends? And besides, you're not poor like me! They're my only way out! Like I said, I wouldn't have anything if it wasn't for Lucius!"
She takes a deep breath and lowers her wand. I do the same.
"Fine," she says shakily, "I see we're never going to see eye to eye."
"I don't get it," I mutter, "I don't understand why you can't see it from my point of view. You've always had a good family and friends. I've never had anything."
"You had me. We were supposed to be best friends. Always."
For a moment, I feel a weight of remorse, but then, something inside me pushes it down, "I guess people change, don't they?"
"I guess so. I hope you're proud of what you've become, Severus."
Out of the corner of my eye, I see movement by the door. I glance over for a split second, and to my surprise, Evan comes striding into the room. "What's going on in here?" he says in his quiet, but commanding tone, eyebrows raised, looking from me, to Potter and Lily, and then back to me.
I take a deep breath, and, looking back at Lily, I say, "Nothing, really. They were just leaving, weren't you?"
Potter looks for a moment as if he wants to say something, then he pockets his wand and puts his arm around Lily's shoulder, "Yup, we sure were! Nice chat, Snivellous! I hope you and whatever rich psychopath you're whoring yourself out to have a lovely time!"
I raise my wand again, but Evan grabs my wrist.
"Don't— just ignore him. He's just trying to bait you," Evan murmurs.
Enraged, humiliated, and overwhelmed, I rip my arm away from his grasp, and snarl, "Don't touch me!"
Evan puts his hands up and backs away, "I'm not. I'm sorry. I should have known better. You're okay, Sev, take a deep breath, remember?"
I take a deep breath and hug my arms around my chest. Evan leans against the wall and looks at my cauldron. After a minute or so when I feel more calm, I walk back over to Evan and give him a hug.
"Thank you," I whisper into his chest. He holds me tight, and lightly kisses the top of my head.
"He's awful," Evan says quietly.
I nod, "He's always been like that to me."
"Didn't that girl used to be your friend?"
"No."
"Oh. Sorry."
"It's fine," I say, pulling away from him and not meeting his eyes, "Are you done studying with John?"
"Yep! You want any help?"
"Nah, I mean, yeah, but in the exam I have to do it all myself, so I shouldn't practice with help. You can keep me company, though!" I say, walking back over to my table.

As I work, Evan sits and reads. Once in a while, he comes up to hug me and watch what I'm doing. When I'm done, I bottle up the potion and Evan helps me clean up my space. As we leave the lab to go back to the common room, I remember that my hair is still up. I go to take it down, then I glance up at Evan. He smiles reassuringly, and I leave my hair up.