"So, let me get this straight," Tucker frowned as he considered everything Church had told us. "You're telling me... that the guy who showed up here, scared the living shit out of us, shot at Caboose, and beat the hell out of the Reds wasn't a guy at all, that he was a chick, and on top of that, she was your ex-girlfriend?"
"In a nutshell, yes," Church nodded. "That is an excellent summery."
"I should have known," Caboose commented. "She didn't like me. Girls never like me."
"Caboose, I don't think anybody likes you," Tucker stated truthfully.
"I like me," Caboose replied morosely.
"I don't think I've seen a girl that mean before," Tucker noted thoughtfully. "Are you sure she's a chick and not a guy? Or like, part guy, part shark?"
"If you haven't met a girl as mean as Tex, you must be one lucky dude," I commented sagely. "In my experience, Tex is par for the course."
"I'm pretty sure I would know if Tex was a guy," Church replied, ignoring me. "and I'm definitely sure I would know if she was part shark."
"Wait... if she's a girl then why is she named Tex?" asked Caboose.
"Uh, because she's from Texas," Church replied.
We all stared at him dubiously.
"Trust me, it makes sense," Church insisted, before turning to Tucker. "And you can't blame her for being so aggressive, it's not entirely her fault to begin with."
"Right, you should blame God," Tucker replied. "First he makes hangovers, and now half women, half sharks that wont even sleep with me. Thanks for nothing, God."
He said that last bit looking up at the heavens.
"I would prefer to blame genetics," I commented sagely, again. "Its much more verifiable."
"Will you two shut up with that?" Church demanded, before continuing. "She got recruited into some kind of weird experimental program back during basic where they infused her armor with this really aggressive AI. I'm not really sure how it all works, but all I know is it her meaner and tougher than hell."
"AI," said Caboose. "Whats the-"
"It means Artificial Intelligence," I stated, interrupting him.
"Right," Church nodded.
"So, the military put this program in her head, and that program made her a killer," Tucker said thoughtfully. "But underneath it all she's really just a sweet, down home girl?"
"Oh hell no," Church denied dryly. "She's always been a rotten bitch, it's just that now she's a rotten bitch with cybernetic enhancements."
"Wow," Tucker replied in faux awe. "Sounds like you really won the lottery with that one, Church. Good catch there, buddy. She's a keeper!"
"Ok, wait a minute," I said, turning to Tucker. "I thought you said she was a freelancer, right? She's not working for the military anymore?"
"Yeah, that's right," Tucker nodded.
"Ok, then… Why would the military let her keep the AI after she left?" I asked Church curiously. "I mean, an AI is not like something you can buy at a store, they're really expensive. And a military-grade AI like that? It would cost in hundreds of millions, if not a billion bucks!"
"Well, if I remember right, the military actually tried to remove it from her once," Church explained. "But every time they did, it found its way back to her. It seemed to really like being in her head for some reason."
"Ah," I nodded.
"So how are you doing, Caboose?" Church asked curiously. "You following any of this whatsoever?"
"I think so," said Caboose contemplatively. "That guy Tex is really a robot, and you're his boyfriend, so that makes you… a gay robot."
"Yeah, that's right," Church sighed sarcastically. "I'm a gay robot."
"If I was a robot, I'd totally go out with you," I replied playfully.
"Ew, dude," said Tucker in disgust.
Church frowned at me for a moment, before turning back to Tucker. "Anyway, I have a great plan for how we're gonna rescue Tex-"
"A plan? Oh man, I hate plans," Tucker whined with annoyance. "That means we're gonna have to do stuff. Can't we just have a strategy or a mission statement?"
"I just need you guys to run a distraction while I spring Tex," Church explained, ignoring Tucker's whining.
"Distraction?" asked Caboose fearfully. "Huh, that sounds a lot like decoy."
"The way I see it, the Reds have absolutely no idea how many freelancers we have out here," Church continued. "So all I need from the three of you is to run around in the middle of the canyon wearing black armor, while I sneak in the back of the Base."
"Sounds good," said Tucker. "But Church, where the hell are we going to get three suits of black armor?"
Church looked at him for a moment, before turning towards the teleporter, and we all turned to look at it ourselves.
"I see," I said. "Well, that's a good plan, but can we hold off on that for about half an hour?"
"Why?" asked Church angrily. "The longer Tex is stuck with the Reds, the greater chance something bad will happen to her."
"I know that, but your body is still out there on the ridge," I pointed out. "I just want to go and get it before it starts to rot, and put it in cold storage so I can take a look at it later."
"What- you haven't buried my body yet?" asked Church in anger.
"Dude, its been like... two hours since you died," Tucker pointed out.
"Yeah, we've been kind of busy, I think you can forgive us for being a bit tardy in getting it," I replied in a placating tone.
Church was quiet for a moment. "Alright, fine. Hurry up and go get it."
"Alright then," I replied, before turning towards Tucker and Caboose. "Tucker, Caboose, you should go get ready. I set the matfab to make some mods for our suits, we might need them in case the Reds decide to press an assault."
"Good idea," Tucker nodded, turning. "Where did you say the machine room was?"
"I didn't," I replied, before turning to leave. I jumped off the side of the base, and ran towards the ridge. The canyon was one kilometer in length, so it wasn't that long a run. When I got to Church's body, I noticed that bits of his blood and guts was leaking out the side. Eww.
I picked the body up bridal style, making sure not to touch the blood, before turning and heading back to base, down to the morgue, and placing his body in cold storage.
Once I closed the storage container, I turned around to see Church staring at me.
"Why did you put it here?" He asked, and I could tell he was angry. "I want you to bury it!"
"I have to examine it first," I replied factually. "Since we don't have an on call doc, a Medic can examine it to produce a death certificate. It's a legal thing."
At least, that was the excuse I had come up with. What I really wanted to do was prove that Church was an AI, but I needed to examine his body to do that.
"Oh," said Church, nonplussed. "I didn't think of that."
"It's ok, a lot of people don't think of these sorts of things," I nodded factually.
"Whatever," he grunted, turning around. "Tucker hasn't managed to find the machine room yet, could you help, please?"
He didn't wait for a reply, instead walking out and down the hallway.
It didn't take us long to find Tucker and Caboose, and show them the machine room. The four shield mods I had made were waiting for us, and I showed them how to slot them into their armor.
"What exactly does this thing do?" asked Tucker as he slotted it in.
"It will reinforce your shield, making it harder to drain," I explained. "Your shield should last twice as long as it did before under heavy fire, and should be better at protecting you in hand to hand combat."
"Wait, nobody said anything about hand to hand combat!" Tucker frowned, looking at Church.
"I'm just saying, it's better to be prepared," I replied placatingly.
"Oh."
I picked up a tool that measured shield strength and waved it over Tucker. "Ok, your shield is good."
I moved to Caboose and waved it over him. "Yours is too."
And so was mine when I waved it over me.
"Ok, we are good to go," I said eventually. "You got all your gear?"
Tucker nodded, and after we thoroughly checked our equipment, we all made to walk up through the flag room, outside, up the ramp, and onto the roof, and I immediately walked through the teleporter, not waiting for them to say anything.
When I emerged, Church was already there waiting for me.
"Are you ok, White?" he asked curiously.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I replied testily, the teleportation was still painful.
"Ouch," said Tucker when he came out, before turning to me. "Why didn't you say it hurt?"
"Entertainment value," I replied plainly with a smile, before walking up the hill and calling out to Caboose: "Come on Caboose!"
"Does it hurt?" he called back.
"No, not at all," called Tucker from my side.
"Ok, here I come," he called back as he entered the teleporter.
The three of us turned to watch the exit portal.
"Owe, geez," Caboose groaned when he came out. He turned and said in a sour voice: "You lied to me."
"You're right, White," Tucker chuckled from besides me. "That was entertaining."
