"Itachi, I know it's hard to raise a child . . . yes, a child. He may be nearly a teenager but he's still a child. And I say it's hard, because sometimes you will have to do things you don't want to do but you will do them anyway because you love him." Kakashi sets his book down and makes eye contact with the eyes of the sorrowful Uchiha.
"Maybe I'm not right for him. Maybe you should start taking care of him again. How can I raise him when I am the one who turned him into this?"
"You didn't turn him into this, Itachi. You did what you were forced to do and his sick egotistical version of love is to avenge you by killing innocent people."
"How do you . . ."
"I know. And you will too, because as long as he doesn't have control he may have you wondering if he even considers you family." Leaning forward in his seat, he places a hand on Itachi's knee, which he can feel shaking with nerves. In a few minutes, he would gain custody of the rogue ninja Sasuke Uchiha, who just two years ago had nearly killed him. "Remember Itachi, I raised him for three and a half years. I couldn't bring myself to discipline him because I felt bad about his situation. So I just let him do whatever he fucking wanted, and now look. He doesn't give a crap about anything but himself and his ideas, even when it landed him in a maximum security prison. Even when the world changed he couldn't ever move on in what . . . love? The name of love? You need to understand something if you are going to take him home . . . the love your brother needs from you may look very sweet sometimes, but if you want those moments you are going to have to enforce your leadership in his life until he gets his mind straight. Yes, you made mistakes and you've learned from them . . . have the balls to stare those mistakes in the eyes when he throws them at you and make sure he gets something out of it."
The door starts to crack open and Kakashi leans back in his chair.
"Frankly, Itachi, you're the only one who can do it. I have a lot of anger towards that kid. I'm probably one smart aleck comment away from beating the tar out of him. You're the only one who can love him now."
"Fuck you," Sasuke spits out as he steps in, hearing Kakashi's last comment. "Let's go, Itachi, I'm sick of this place."
Feeling Kakashi being seconds away from exploding, Itachi firmly places an arm around Sasuke's shoulder and leads him outside. As soon as they step out, Sasuke wriggles out of his grip and glares at him. "Don't touch me."
"Look Sasuke, just . . . try to be nice to Kakashi, okay? He nearly died a few times trying to rescue you from Orochimaru."
"I didn't need to be rescued."
The rest of the walk home was horribly silent. Everyone stared at the pair as they walked past, whispering about the trouble Sasuke had caused. The town had come to uncomfortable terms with Itachi, most not knowing the full truth about his past. Those who did were always kind but it didn't fail to cause some awkwardness in public. Yes, he was the ninja who killed his entire clan. And Sasuke . . . the town had voted to put him on death row for nearly innaliting the leaf village. Fortunately, since he was the last of two Uchihas the leadership had decided to give him another chance. Naruto had decided to give him another chance.
They arrive at Itachi's small apartment and he unlocks the door. Sasuke immediately finds his room and locks himself in. Was his little Otouto really like this now?
"Sasuke, please try to remember to take your shoes off at the door," Itachi says, loud enough for his brother to hear.
"If I have to come out there and you piss me off I might decide to try at your head again!" Sasuke bitterly replies. This catches Itachi off guard, and he goes to his younger brother's door.
"Sasuke, please don't talk to me . ."
"You aren't my parents. Oh wait . . . that's right, you killed my parents. . . so SHUT UP!"
He wasn't sure what had happened in between their walk home and arriving home to cause Sasuke to be so hateful. But this wasn't the time for a lengthy meaningless apology. It almost felt as if he didn't prove in some way that Sasuke couldn't take advantage of him, he may in fact kill him in his sleep. When he decided to bring Sasuke back he was thinking of maybe a traumatized child who needed his older brother. But no kidding . . . he had turned into a monster.
"Well since that's the case maybe I should just take you back to prison."
"Fuck you."
Something about the tone in Sasuke's voice seemed to snap Itachi out of his self-pity into a rather more alert state. For a moment, he even thought he felt his eyes turning in a moment of exceeding frustration.
"Okay . . . Sasuke."
See, what Sasuke didn't know was that Itachi had keys to every room in the house. It took him less than five minutes to have the door to his younger brother's room opening, and then closing behind him. A sulky Sasuke sat in the corner of his bed, glaring hard at his older brother.
"Leave me alone," his younger brother says.
"That, Otouto, is what I won't be doing."
"Get the fuck out of my room!" he cries out desperately. "And quite calling me that stupid name!"
"What part of 'no' do you not understand, Sasuke?" Itachi snaps back, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I won't leave you alone. I won't leave at all until you apologize and change your behavior."
"I told you, Itachi, you aren't my parents!" his voice breaks at the end and Sasuke swallows hard. "Anyways it doesn't fucking matter. I don't give a shit just take me back or even kill me, you don't want me here, and you don't know what love is. Someday, I will go into that town, and kill everyone for you since you don't have the balls to do it."
"Sasuke, don't talk like that, killing the town won't bring anyone back. And I won't let you out of my sight as long as it's my job to protect this town. Now, please apologize and take your shoes off so we can go have some dinner."
"I won't fucking apologize to a fucking murderer."
"Then I guess we will need to have another conversation."
His heart raced. It was the first night, and already the situation was uncomfortable. But he had to be strong for Sasuke. He had to make his will the one he would follow for his own safety. "Sasuke, I don't care how but for the last time, please apologize. If you do not apologize, the other conversation we will have will not be one that you find pleasant." With these words, it seemed Itachi had unconsciously made his job easier, when Sasuke threw himself at his older brother violently trying to punch him. Sasuke had been under the impression that Itachi was weaker than him. As it turned out, it was by far the opposite.
In less than five minutes, filled with Sasuke yelling and screaming and Itachi's quietly calculated moves, Sasuke found his face stuffed in a pillow on the bed and the rest of his body easily pinned by his brother sprawled out in a rather vulnerable position.
"Stop it, Sasuke!" Itachi pleads, "Please just stop this nonsense!"
"I hate you!" he screams back, "I hate you!" This was not like the games they played as children. This was violent. This was full of rage and frustration and hurt.
"Well you know what Sasuke," Itachi chokes out, Sasuke's words tearing at him. "No matter how much you hate me, I will always love you. Always. And that is why I must do this."
With that, he musters up some strength and lands a very hard smack on Sasuke's upturned bottom. Startled, the vulnerable boy cries out in pain, but the older Uchiha doesn't stop. It may have been excessive, starting so hard, but he continues. SMACK, SMACK, SMACK . . .
"Sasuke, you had to live without parents," he says, continuing harder. Sasuke continues trying to escape, grunting in place of whatever words that were trying to come out. "And I am sorry," now his hand was starting to sting but he hardly felt it as he firmly held Sasuke down. With each word he delivered a sharp smack to his brother's bottom.
"Fuck you, Itachi," Sasuke snarls. "I'm not a damn baby!" These well thought out comments had Itachi reach for the belt with which he mercilessly began to whip him.
"I. do. Not. Care. About. Your. Egocentric. Ideas," he continues with their respective smacks. "I. Will. Continue. To. Put. Your. Safety. First." He hoped his brother would start crying, but there was just his red face and struggling torso. He found himself repeating what Kakashi had told him, but there simply wasn't a better way to put it.
"Fuck you, go to hell!" the boy cries out, as a sob hardly escapes his lips.
"I probably will go to hell, Sasuke Uchiha," he repeats firmly, "But God himself knows I will do this every. Single. Time. You. Try. To. Join. Me." He hooks his fingers in the waistband of the Uchiha's pants and pulls them down to his thighs. These jail clothes already didn't provide a lot of protection but he must need to get through a little clearer to clean up that mouth of his. He continues on the boy's undercurve, and notices the boy's shoulders starting to heave slightly.
"You. Will. Not. Kill. Innocent. People. Sasuke. Uchiha. and damn it, You. Will. Learn. To. Put. Your. Safety. First." SMACK. SMACK. SMACK. SMACK. "You. Will. Be. Loved. By. This. Town. If. It. Is. The. Only. Thing. I. Ever. Accomplish. Because. You. Deserve. At Least THAT!" He didn't want to hurt the little Uchiha . . . he just needed him to break a little so he could help him.
He thought he may have heard him trying to beg him to stop, but he had a few more things to get through to the younger Uchiha. He had never seen someone so stubborn, and able to take so much. But he knew he had to do it. It was this, or his brother would die. The harsh punishment continues, covering his thighs and his bottom several times. Still fighting, the younger Uchiha kicks off what remains of his pants, leaving only his underwear to protect him. But it was clear he was losing the battle. If only he would show some sign of giving in so he could end this.
"I cannot let you go on like this. I love you too SMACK damn SMACK much SMACK, my SMACK little SMACK Otouto SMACK." His voice cracked while calling the suffering boy the endearment. He remembered the playful toddler he used to be, always trying to please his brother, always trying to play. Of course, Sasuke had seen the darkest side of Itachi, and probably the sweetest side. Never in the course of history had he seen this side. But whether it was pulling Orochimaru out of his brother's cursed body or stalking him in the background in town making sure the Hokage wasn't going to change their mind and kill him, he would always place his brother first.
Suddenly, his little brother's body goes limp into the bed and Itachi grabs him, sitting him up, while throwing the belt on the ground. Damn it, I hurt him. I took it too far. Now he will never trust me.
Sasuke visibly struggles to catch his breath amongst the sobs and tears that overtake him, nearly choking. He wretches twice but the teens empty stomach brings up nothing but some saliva dripping from his mouth. As he turns the teen around on his lap to look at him, he notices endless streams of tears streaming down the boy's face onto his clothes. The older Uchiha pulls him closer and tightly hugs his face into his neck. Even almost as a teenager, Sasuke was still so small, and Itachi easily holds him close. I should have known. I should have known he had been crying the whole time, I just didn't hear him.
"You can't just hold it in, Sasuke," he says quietly. "If you bite back the pain I can't help you. I don't know when to stop, when you've had enough. It goes too far."
Sasuke sobs uncontrollably into his neck, his body shaking with each heave. He could feel the boy's tears soaking into his clothes. It seemed like he couldn't stop crying even if he wanted to, and at times it even felt like he was crying harder than he was towards the end of the thrashing. He had been previously concerned about the boy's poor bottom but it seemed that he must not have taken it too far because Sasuke didn't move an inch from his embrace. It felt impossible that the same kid who had just been trying to punch him in the face was now sobbing loudly into his neck and gripping him like a baby. It brings a tad of light to Itachi's eyes as he remembers Sasuke crying out that he wasn't a baby. He was right in one aspect, he wasn't. But maybe he needed to learn how to be a child again. Maybe he needed to learn to open up to someone loving him enough to die for him.
It sounded like Sasuke tried to mumble some things while crying, but his sobbing and his breath wouldn't let him. He had been holding alot in his little body that he hadn't been given a chance to let out. It had been nearly ten minutes and he was hardly letting up, there was simply no way these tears were caused by his stinging bottom any more. Itachi starts to rock back and forth gently with his hands through Sasuke's matted hair. So it was something I said that broke him.
"Why, Nichan," he hears the boy ask quietly as he tries to breathe normally again. He could have nearly dropped him in surprise at hearing those words. It had been so many years since he had heard that name. He didn't think after all that had happened he would ever hear that again. "I . . . I tried to kill you. But. . . you saved me. You almost died." Itachi tries to pry him off of his neck so he could look into his eyes and explain, but the little Uchiha wouldn't budge. His crying voice was so broken, so sad. "You were the only one who could do it." He pauses again, catching his breath. "No matter how I treat you; you won't leave me alone. I want to die. I want them to die too."
Itachi assumed that Sasuke meant the leaf village. The pure agony in his voice stabbed through him like a knife. He gently rubs the boys back and finally sits him up to look at him. Sasuke's eyes dart away, avoiding Itachi's like the plague.
"Otouto," he responds gently, lifting his hand and collecting some tears from his brother's eyes. "Everything I have ever done in my life has been because I love you. Even the bad things. But Sasuke," he scolds lightly, catching the boys attention. "I don't want to have to hurt you . . . to use this," he lifts up his hand and cups his face, "and this," he says lifting the belt back onto the bed, "to try so hard just to get you to see that I am here." Sasuke nods quickly and tries to look away, his breath still hitched, but Itachi keeps his hand firm. "You have to make the choice for yourself, Sasuke. I can share with you what I've learned. I always have and will fight for your honor in this village, no matter what you do. You don't have to love me, but that changes nothing in my heart towards you."
"But . . . But i made you suffer more," Sasuke says, starting to cry again. "You told me to hate you. But I could never do it enough. I thought maybe you would only be there if I hated you enough for you to notice me again." He rambles on in between bouts of tears. "I wanted you to notice me, but you just poke my head and are like 'forgive me Sasuke,' but I didn't know when I would see you again. Sometimes it was days, and then it was years. You never came back for me." Embarrassed about his crying, Sasuke hides his face in the older Uchihas neck again before he continues. "I don't even know if I really hated you. I was just so angry, and then you were going to hurt me and I thought you might kill me if I didn't kill you first."
It became clear that even Sasuke's running away to Orochimaru was some mix of a search for power and a cry for attention from his brother.
"I wasn't going to kill you, Sasuke. But if I hadn't convinced you back then that I was going to, you may still be with Orochimaru now, and we wouldn't be having this conversation."
"But you let me hurt you to the point of almost dying, Itachi, I thought I was stronger than you. I trained so hard to kill . . ."
"No Sasuke." he says, correcting him. "No, you trained hard because you needed my attention, whether the good kind, or the bad kind. And since I made it clear by almost putting you in a coma twice, the night of the massacre, and the time you confronted me in the village, it was clear it would have to be the bad kind." They are quiet for a few moments, Sasuke now crying silent tears and Itachi still rocking him. It felt good, just holding him like this - like maybe someday - somehow he could make up for the thousand ways he had messed up this kid's life. "It's not your fault, Sasuke."
They sat there for so long on the edge of the bed that at one point Itachi thought Sasuke had fallen asleep. He probably did off and on judging by the expenditure of physical and emotional energy he had been releasing for the past forty minutes. He was a traumatized child and this mountain would be hard to overcome for both of them. Suddenly, Sasuke takes his foot and kicks the belt off the bed.
"Fuck that," he says softly. Itachi laughs quietly to himself. "Maybe I should go back to Kakashi-sensei and tell him you're beating me. He doesn't give a crap about anything except his porn books but at least he knew when to leave me alone." It became obvious that this was probably the first time Sasuke had experienced any real discipline, and he wasn't too fond of it.
"Well unfortunately you're stuck with me now, and I have no obligation to literally beat you up anymore however convincing it may be. Nonetheless, I have made it my job to now discipline you properly, and that method seems to be proving quite effective."
"It's not that effective. Everyone knows 'effective' is getting the most results with the least amount of effort. You keep pulling that shit and you may end up hurt."
It was clear that the old Sasuke was still there, and rapidly returning. He pulls the boy off of his shoulder, and looks him in the eyes. This time, Sasuke doesn't look away.
"If you ever hurt me when I need to discipline you it will be my fault for getting weak. Regardless, your butt will pay the price for foolishly pushing someone you now know is stronger than you. And I will make sure that when that day comes, your tears come from the strap on the floor and not your emotional state. And that is not effective, now is it Sasuke," he says, a little firmer than intended. For a moment, the younger Uchiha glares, although his swollen, bloodshot eyes don't make for much of a threat. When Itachi emphasizes his point by placing the belt back onto the bed beside them, Sasuke rolls his eyes.
"You're kind of weird, Itachi," Sasuke mumbles before he lays his head back on his brother's shoulder. He wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean, except maybe for now Sasuke didn't think it was worth it to risk going over the bed again for his mouth. There was no doubt if Sasuke had learned one thing over the years, it was to take his older brother seriously.
"I'm kind of weird, huh?" He says, pulling Sasuke forward again. He wanted him to see that he was relaxed. Maybe that would encourage him to stop making everything a fight. "Well speaking of my weirdness, maybe this time, I'll take your ribs instead of your eyes." If Itachi's memory was accurate, this little one used to be so ticklish. Perhaps the training had hardened him but he had to dry up those tears somehow.
"Yeah well ha. ha. you are so funny," he replies dryly. "Maybe I'll take your,"
Realizing the young one hadn't taken the hint to run, he digs his fingers into his brother's ribs and stomach. Sasuke nearly jumps out of his lap onto the bed, writhing around trying to grab his brother's hands. As it turned out, the now healthy Itachi was still far faster and more agile than his little brother, who helplessly struggles. "Stop it, Itachi!" He cries out, trying to get away. "IM NOT FIVE!" More tears begin to stream down Sasuke's face with laughter but Itachi can't help but continue to enjoy the moment.
"Hm now Sasuke I think you were forgetting to say something from earlier . . ." he inquires, acting as if he didn't see his struggling little brother.
"OMG! Stop it!" Sasuke screams out, entering into another fit of laughter. Itachi is sure to cover his entire torso. It's almost pitiful, even if Sasuke had previously been strong enough to put up a decent fight, the years in prison had clearly weakened him more than he knew. Itachi easily blocks his efforts for relief.
"OKAY! ITAAACCHHIII!
"What was that?" Itachi asks, now laughing as well.
"I . . . I'M SORRY!" he curls into a ball, trying to block his stomach from the ruthless attacks. It isn't enough to stop his brother.
"Dang I really need these ribs for my . . . ummm. . . rib collection," Itachi muses, "For extra protection . . ."
"Damn IT ITACHI! YOU FILTHY LIER STOPPPP!"
"Oh, did you just cuss again? Guess you need to say sorry all over again . . . if you can!" He easily pulls his brother back onto his lap and pins his legs under his own, exposing his stomach. He continues to tickle the writhing boy, who can now just helplessly beg for mercy.
"IM SORRY! PLEASE! IM REALLY SORRY!"
The helpless Uchiha repeats the apology a few more times in between tickles, pleading for his brother to stop. Finally, Itachi settles down and lifts the boy up into his shoulder again. "Alright Sasuke, I'll just have to take your ribs some other time then." He could practically feel the eyeroll coming from his shoulder. This time, Sasuke breathes heavily from exertion.
"You know," he says, catching his breath, "The taking my eyes thing wasn't funny, Itachi," Sasuke remarks dryly. "I really thought you were going to do it you sick bastard."
"Well I didn't get straight A's in acting for nothing now," he laughs. He actually had never taken an acting class, but then it was more funny because Sasuke obviously believed that too now. He stands up and Sasuke sits on the edge of the bed awkwardly. He takes the moment to poke him in the forehead for memories sake, which earns him another very dramatic eye roll from the near teenager.
"I'll let you know when dinner's ready. Whenever you are ready to come out, just try not to forget to put your shoes by the door."
It was day one of a long journey for the two of them. It had been wonderful and terrible and everything in between. Itachi knew that most likely this wouldn't be the only unpleasant confrontation with Sasuke, but he also considered that maybe his brother needed this to heal. The good and the bad. And Itachi could swear that he felt something heal a little more in his heart as well. This was the beginning.
