- Chapter 13 -

"Sonovabitch!" Director Fury swore. He knew this woman. She was Stark's personal assistant, Lilith Singer. Her office was in Avengers Tower. She even served them coffee and cake for impromptu Avengers' meetings. He'd spoken with her over the phone. She ran interference for Stark on too many occasions. Stark even brought her to the hellicarrier. Lilith, Loki, brought them cheeseburgers, potato salad and strawberry shortcake. All of that food was made by her. It was always Loki. He'd taken food and drink from an enemy. Is he an enemy now?

There were many times that the old spy thought that 'Lilith' was a qualified candidate for recruitment. The way she held Stark in the palm of her hand, effortlessly guiding him to more peaceful and less self-destructive life was impressive. Even Ms. Potts warmed to her, despite the same Ms. Potts bristling at another woman near Stark. The Director had her background checked repeatedly by several different sources. He was unwilling to believe that she was a common orphan from New York, who worked as a bartender to pay for community college. Director Fury cursed his own complacence. He knew she was special. I should've kept digging.

The image of Loki before Frey brought a smile to his face. Her eyes were a deeper shade of fern green. They no longer shimmered which pleased him to see. She's well, he thought happily. Beyond being greatly pleased to see her well again, he was very surprised to see her eyes whole and functioning. The spell worked somehow. Frey looked forward to her explaining how she accomplished it. It was a monumental feat with immense implications for the entire Nine Realms. As a Master in Healing Magics, an extremely well-trained Heal Meister, he needed to know how it was done. As Loki's family, and a Master Mage himself he wanted to congratulate Loki on succeeding in something that no other mage had ever succeeded in.

What he saw when he glanced around the room irritated McCorrmick. As he paused the file he pursed his lips. He was getting very tired of their undisciplined emotion. Despite being able to understand up to a point, he knew that there was much worse ahead. If they kept swooning over the little things they were never going to get to the important things. At the end of this road was an uncertain new world for everyone. Skuld showed him. There were things they needed to see, were vital that they understood. These things were terribly important, and just plain terrible. Maybe this was what she meant, he reflected. She kept telling him that in the seeing of this truth was their punishment. Maybe these pauses were what she wanted. They could reflect on their guilt as they headed towards a new future. McCorrmick saw how guilty they all were; all of them except Agent Barton. How Agent Barton was guilty still didn't make sense. Lacking the clue to his guilt only made the agent look like more of a hero. I guess this is what she wanted. I hope so, her orders weren't really clear. Her voice whispered to him through the markings under his skin.

Yes, they are all guilty, Skuld hissed. Bring them the punishment they are owed.

In the quiet space in his mind McCorrmick kept his thoughts to himself. His nervousness twined with his fear. The pressure was intense. We're guilty too. I'll show them their guilt. I'll prove that we're ready to return to Aidesh.

Pepper stared at the face on the screen. Lilith. Lilith was Loki. Her mind was a blank space for a moment before being filled with the bitterness of betrayal. Tears brimmed her eyes again as raw emotion thickened in her throat. She was my friend. Loki. Pepper instantly disliked her when they'd first met. Tony was showing Lilith off like a new Lamborghini causing her to be waspish towards the younger woman. It didn't last long. Over the last few years Lilith tried hard to befriend her. Pepper had become quite fond of the younger woman. They often had coffee and commiserated over working for Tony. She was my friend.

Stark had compromised SHIELD, the hellicarrier the Director was sitting in, probably the other hellicarriers as well, and thousands of innocent agents. The depth and breadth of this betrayal was sickening to Director Fury. The magnitude of this breach was far worse than the data theft Stark engineered. That was more than likely at Loki's behest as well. Is he an enemy now?

"Everything has to be assumed to be compromised," Natasha said. It unsettled her to have Loki be so close without her having noticed it. There was nothing about Lilith's behavior to indicate that she was anything other than human. Extensive skills and talented use of them hadn't seemed like an indicator of anything other than Lilith probably being an agent of SHIELD. How did I miss this?

Lilith?! Bruce and Steve looked at each other, then down. They each knew what the other was thinking. Loki was Lilith. Lilith was a friend. There were many times that she dragged each of them out of their comfort zones and into the world beyond. "You spend too much time in your lab, Bruce. You're coming out with Steve and I today," she would say as she grabbed Bruce by the arm and pulled him along. "You've terrorized enough punching bags, it's time for some fresh air, Steve. You're coming out with Bruce and I," she told him with a smile. Lilith took them to farmer's markets and out on other grocery shopping trips. They were almost always to places Bruce was sure only hipsters or people with too much money and too little sense would shop. Neither liked being dragged out at first. They certainly didn't like being dragged out to carry shopping bags for Tony's assistant. Each of them grew to enjoy the trips for their complete lack of excitement. The trips were so normal, so calm and quiet. Each of them could pretend, for a short happy time, that they were normal men. Bruce looked over to Steve again who appeared to be deep in thought and somewhat confused.

But why? Why would Loki do this? Bruce couldn't understand it. Loki was becoming something of a puzzle. He relished being able to devote his entire attention to an intellectual pursuit. Despite being tempted to be sad that it wouldn't last, Bruce still refused to give in to sadness. This is a gift, and I'm going to enjoy it. There were many things that just didn't seem to fit with what he thought he knew. If the old data didn't fit, then new data was required. It was a position any scientist worth their salt held. Clearly, the old data was flawed.

Of all the times Lilith dragged Steve out of the gym to go shopping with her, none of the trips stood out as sinister. He couldn't remember a single thing that could be considered sinister. He refused to believe that she was testing his strength by piling shopping bags into his open arms. He also refused to believe that she was feeling out his tactical experience by asking his advice on ripe produce or testing his strategic knowledge by asking him to plan out routes to various stores. Steve honestly couldn't see how he might have compromised SHIELD's security by telling her that Director Fury was more of a cheeseburger man than a foie gras kind of guy. It all confused him. The times she would bring him a cup of coffee and they would chat for a few minutes were times that he looked forward to. She listened to his stories about growing up in pre-World War II Brooklyn and of fighting in the war. He didn't divulge any classified material, and she never asked for any. Lilith asked about his parents. She enjoyed listening to tales of his mother. She laughed along with him when he told about her the small funny things that were bound to happen in any soldier's life. She never asked for anything sensitive or classified, and never pushed him for more than he was willing to give. If anything, Lilith let him decide the subject and direction of the conversations. Steve didn't understand. He couldn't imagine what Loki could be doing if he wasn't trying to infiltrate SHIELD or gain leverage over the Avengers. What were you up to Loki? He had no answer to that but wanted one.

Loki… This woman was Loki. It caused Clint to sit quietly in his seat. He felt cold, hollow. This woman, Lilith, whom he spoke with so many times over the last few years, was the man he hated more than anyone or anything. He thought, was completely sure, that she was another agent. Initially he was convinced that she'd been put in place to monitor Stark. Time passed and he became convinced that she was one of their specialty agents. SHIELD's specialty agents were, like himself or Natasha, agents with a singular talent. Clint even discussed it with Natasha from time to time. They hadn't been able to find anything through official channels, but that never meant much. He noticed what he'd thought was impressive training in psychology. He discussed it with Natasha. They agreed that she was probably an agent in deep cover taking over the post that Natasha herself had previously filled. Her history was just too ordinary, too clean, for her to be anything else. That's what he thought.

Loki… Clint watched her calm Tony time and again. They all watched as she brought Tony's self-destructive behaviors to a halt. All of the Avengers noticed how this woman was helping to clean up Tony's messy personal life. Clint knew that Tony had PTSD. He knew it was related to both Afghanistan and his trip through the portal. No one knew exactly what Tony saw on the other side, he always refused to talk about it. Whatever he saw was just too much. Clint thought that SHIELD just wanted to protect its investment in Tony and his much-needed arms, armor, and tech.

Loki… Clint thought that talking to her would be alright, she was just another agent the same as him. He spoke to her more openly than he had with any of the doctors he was sent too. She even encouraged this. "Come to me if you need something, I'm never too busy to help out," she would tell him. She counseled him, as she did with Tony. She knew personal details about his life. Ultimately, it was those details that convinced Clint that she was a fellow agent. How else could she know? He shared his anger, his pain and grief over what happened, what he'd done. This woman helped him talk through everything. In recent years he'd felt better, more settled, than he had since the invasion happened. This woman he trusted was Loki. He shared things with her that he'd never told anyone else. Not even Laura knew some of the things that Clint shared with her. He trusted her. He'd trusted Loki.

"Clint?" Natasha looked over at her partner of many years. He was pale and sickly. This wasn't a betrayal he was ready for. Honestly, neither was she.

Loki… Clint felt sick. More than that, he was deeply confused. This woman, Loki, had helped to ease the guilt of what he'd done during the invasion. She, Loki, had helped him to see that it wasn't his fault, he wasn't responsible. Loki, she'd helped him to shift all the blame, and all his anger, to a dead man. ...to Loki ...it was Loki...

When Frey looked down the table he saw Barton looking almost ill. It brought a frown to his face. It wasn't what he wanted to do, but if he didn't then Loki would be upset with him. This man was owed. It wasn't his debt, but he would see to it none the less. Frey unfurled his seidr to form it into a Regenerative Weave. He released the weave towards Barton and hoped it would be enough to aid the mortal until he could be seen to by a Midgardian healer. He wondered if this man might learn the extent of his own actions this day. For Loki's sake, Frey hoped that he might.

The room strobed a deep violet again. There was very little dryness to blink back this time. When McCorrmick was done blinking he felt another odd sensation that drew his attention away from his laptop. It was as if the wind was drawing in beside him. Sails were being unfurled for the wind to fill. The sensation confused him. When he glanced over all he saw was King Frey sitting back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest. The miniature sun in his chest expanded slightly then a faint streaming breeze of sunshine glided out of it. It swept down the table directly towards Agent Barton. I can see it, but no one else can. Why? It was there before I could see it. I know it was. I can feel it. Knowing it was there before he could see it might've made it better, or worse. He wasn't certain. McCorrmick knew more of what was out there now. What he was certain of was that he didn't want to go back to being blind to these things.

The Truthkeeper was looking at Frey as he unfurled his seidr and he noticed himself being noticed. He thought it suspicious that the boy looked like he was tracking the weave as it was released towards Barton. The boy had an almost confused look on his face. What are you looking at?

"Why? I don't understand," Clint whispered. An odd burst of warmth bloomed in his blood, relaxing his tense muscles. It didn't wipe away the helplessness he felt.

"Clint, I need you to look at me," Natasha's voice was soft. She stood and moved around to the other side of the table. Kneeling down in from of Clint didn't manage to get his attention. "Clint, look at me."

Why? Why would Loki do this? "Was it some sick joke? Why?" Clint reached for the anger that he'd held onto for so long and was terrified to find it missing. He wanted to be angry. He wanted to scream and rant and rage. He wanted to destroy something, fill it with explosive arrows until there was nothing left. Clint wanted to howl like the wounded animal he felt like. Nothing would come. The raging wrathful fire in him was as snuffed out as it had been. This woman, who'd spent years taking him aside and talking with him until he felt better, was Loki. "I don't understand."

"Clint! Look. At. Me." Natasha was beginning to worry. She was aware of how much Clint confided in Lilith, in Loki. Natasha was secretly pleased that Clint was getting help. He refused to talk about his enslavement with her or anyone else. It very nearly cost him his freedom. Director Fury was preparing to forcibly commit Clint to a maximum-security SHIELD medical facility, like every other agent touched by the scepter. It was almost necessary. Clint was depressed, detached and more violent on missions. He began disobeying orders and even disappearing for short periods every week. Natasha understood. Sometimes the weight of lives they led was just too much to bear. When Lilith begun talking to Clint, Natasha thought it was just simple flirting. She knew that Clint would turn the younger woman down and that would be the end of it. That wasn't the end of it. A little later Natasha saw that it wasn't flirting, but gentle teasing. Clint responded well to it. No matter what happened to him, Clint's sense of humor never dimmed. He was a smart-ass with a dry wit when she met him all those years ago. He was a smart-ass with a dry wit now. There was nothing that seemed capable of killing his sense of humor.

Her teeth grit as Natasha thought that she was grateful to Lilith. Stark's assistant got Clint to open up when no one else had. Even Director Fury took notice, the change was hard to miss. It only took two months of talking to Lilith for Clint to begin calming down. He began following orders and completing missions again. Lilith helped Clint without medicines, schedule impositions or damaging his security clearance. Natasha had been grateful. She had been. All she wanted in that moment was Loki's head on a plate. Loki went after Natasha's family. Clint was family, blood or no. No one messed with Natasha's family and lived. She frowned. How many times is Loki going to go after Clint? Loki's tragic back-story just didn't matter. This was personal. This was about family.

She put her hands on either side of Clint's face. "Clinton, look at me," Natasha rarely ever used Clint's whole name. She respected that he didn't like it and wanted to be known by a shortened form. It normally got his attention, so she used it.

"Why, Natasha? Why did he do it? Why me? I don't understand," Clint whispered.

The unshed tears in his eyes strengthened Natasha's resolve. She was going to volunteer for the mission to end Loki's miserable life, so that she would be the one to end his reign of terror. Being the hand of vengeance for so many people was just fine by her. Natasha despised Loki that much more when she went to utter words that 'Lilith' taught her. They worked, so she had to use them, "It's not your fault, Clint. It's Loki's fault, Loki's doing. We'll get through this."

Back to the mission because it's not my fault, Clint thought coldly. He looked away from her for a moment then pulled away. He knew the words she spoke as well as she did. They were newly bitter. He looked at her and smiled, his eyes were flat, "You should go sit down, Nat."

One corner of Heimdall's mouth tilted down by about a degree. It was as much of a frown as ever touched his face. He knew this woman, yet she looked oddly different. Her features looked both clearer and more like Prince Loki's than he remembered. Most noticeably though, her hair was deep black instead of vibrant red. The magics that the Prince used to shield himself were as irritating as ever. He'd always wished that he had a way to see through them. However, the Prince was an extremely talented mage and finding a way through any magics he wove was nearly impossible for Heimdall.

So, this is the mask you've been hiding behind. Odin frowned slightly at the screen. It was certainly a familiar mask. He still wasn't certain that he wanted to believe Frey that Loki shielded them from an Inquiry to Enlightenment. A large part of him wasn't going to believe that until he had proof. One thing was clear at least. There was more going on here than he knew.

"Thor, you know this visage?" Frigga asked. She certainly did.

Gaping, Thor stared at the screen. He was seeing a ghost and was haunted by it. This tiny woman is Loki?! The Loki he lived most of his life with was almost as tall as Thor, but this woman was more than a foot shorter than him! Little Brother, you never left me. You've been in front of me this whole time. Were you never lost to me? I didn't notice. How many times have I not seen you? "Yes, mother. I thought she was Stark's assistant. I've seen her working in Avengers Tower. She's prepared meals for us, given us wise counsel after battles, and seen to us on many occasions. I thought," Thor looked to his mother with pain in his features, "she was just a mortal. Mjolnir didn't alert me to her true identity. I didn't see." And Loki didn't say anything … to me.

"I understand," Frigga looked back to the screen. There was Loki, her Loki, alive and well. Even in the guise of a woman she still recognized Loki. Although Loki's hair was short and curly now, it was still a beautifully familiar black. Even Loki's female guise had delicate features that were still achingly familiar. Despite having dimmed since last Frigga saw Loki, his vivid green eyes were still so painfully familiar. She didn't, but still, Frigga wanted to cry the tears gathering in her eyes. She recognized Loki so readily, and yet failed so completely to see his misery until it was displayed openly.

The shame of this display would never fade. She knew Loki would be mortified to have his personal dealings displayed before a crowd. Frigga understood why he asked Frey to not tell anyone from Asgard. It pained to her no end, but she did understand. Fandral and Sif had already shown her why Loki made that decision. He knew that he would be mocked, ridiculed and made sport of. He often was as he grew up. It didn't look like that had changed. As All Mother, she would be dealing with Thor's companions when they returned to Asgard. Her son's choice of companions was no longer acceptable. She wondered whether it ever should've been. His choice hadn't turned out well for either of her sons. Much of that was her responsibility. Fandral's comfort in making such a despicable comment in front of both his Lord and Lady spoke well enough to that.

Loki fighting his own battles was what Frigga always thought that her son wanted, and so she hadn't intervened when he was insulted or ridiculed. He was always so independent. Her son prided himself on being able to do things on his own. She was sure it was what he wanted. It hadn't ever occurred to her to ask her youngest son how he felt about the matter. Frigga thought she knew. There were so many times that she'd seen him be ridiculed but did nothing in the surety that he would handle it himself. Even recalling the number of times wasn't possible, there were too many. Knowing the consequences of that decision caused her to question how wise of a decision it was. Looking back on it, Frigga suspected that she'd left her young son unprotected against an entire kingdom's worth of scorn. If that was the honest truth, then it was truly no wonder that he wanted nothing to do with her; that he'd gone to Frey instead of her. It was also no wonder that he tried to harm himself.

He tried to hurt himself. Frigga still couldn't bring herself to contemplate something as terrifying as her son intentionally trying to end his own life. How many times did she come close to losing him? How many times did he need her when she didn't come to his aid? Of course, he hadn't come to her. Frey saw his pain, she hadn't. It was a knife twisting in her chest to think that she might have earned this fate. She looked up again as the recording was unpaused.