A/N: This is my alternate ending to Book 2. In case it's been a while since you read it, I figured it'd be best to copy and paste a bit of chapter 24 here, before making my big change. I also made some minor changes/edits leading up to the big change. If you haven't finished reading To Dream a Dream Book 2: The Line Between Dreams and Nightmares, I strongly recommend doing that first. At least read up to (but not including) chapter 25 before reading this.

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Alternate Ending Chapter One: Letting Go

They'd dimmed the light above the bed. They'd dimmed all the lights. Her heart rate monitor is now the brightest thing in the room, besides the candles. Shelby is tempted to ask them to turn off the monitor. They know what's coming. And hearing the pauses between the beeps get longer is painful to listen to. Listen to. Shelby carefully places the earbuds in Rachel's ears. There's no reason Rachel has to listen to the beeps and the other sounds of the hospital as her final sounds. She keeps the volume down low. She wants Rachel to still be able to hear anyone talking directly to her. But she keeps the audio playing for her. Kelly lights the candles once more. Shelby holds her daughter, cradling her in her arms. She tries to focus on the present moment and not the future ahead. Thinking about what Blaine told her, she begins humming softly while slowly rubbing Rachel's back. As time ticks by, Rachel's breathing becomes shallower. Raspier. Longer pauses between breaths.

"Mom?" It's a faint rasp. And yet, it garners the full attention of everyone in the room.

"Yeah, baby girl?"

She doesn't respond right away. She fights to raise her eyelids. Shelby moves just enough to be able to look her daughter in the eye. When Rachel speaks, she needs to take a breath between each word.

"Thanks…..for…..being…my….mom."

Shelby ignores absolutely everything except this, pushing everything else away. She smiles warmly at her child. "You are so very welcome. It has been the greatest joy of my life. Thank you for being my daughter."

The corner of Rachel's mouth lifts slightly. "I….dreamed….of…..a…mom…my…..whole…..life." Rachel pauses, turning her head to press into Shelby's shoulder. She takes a moment to gather the strength to keep talking. "…..but…..you…..ended up….being…so much…more wonderful…..than…I could….have….imagined."

She hopes Rachel sees the tears she's crying as happy tears. They sort of are. "I'm so happy to hear that. I've loved you your entire life. But having you with me this past year has been even more amazing than I could have ever imagined."

Rachel manages a full smile now, her eyes sparkling. Her chest heaves with the effort to keep breathing. "Love…you…Mommy."

Shelby hugs her tight, no longer worried about bruising her. They've drugged her up enough to keep her both calm and pain free. They'd promised her that much. She kisses her temple firmly. "I love you too, Rachel. Until the end of time."

The tears flow freely now. There's no stopping them, so she doesn't even try. She doesn't bother looking at anyone else in the room. Her sole focus is the child in her embrace. The claws in her chest pierce deeper, tightening, and preparing to shred her to pieces. Shelby ignores it and resumes humming a soothing melody. She presses her face against the top of Rachel's head.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Rachel drifts.

She feels warm. Loved. Safe. More comfortable than she has ever felt in her entire life. There is no pain and no fear. She is relaxed. Her mom is holding her, rocking her. Her grandparents and aunts and uncles surround her. It's nice to know she is so very loved. And to know she'll truly be missed. And remembered.

Even through the supplemental oxygen she can smell the candles burning. The scents bring her back to their spot. The earbuds in her ears play the audio softly. The sounds of crackling fire, wind in the trees, and her friends talking happily fills her with peace. Then her mom's voice floats above it all, humming a soothing melody. If this is heaven, she's quite happy here.

She drifts, a small smile on her lips.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Finn and Kurt show up to their spot about two hours after the others arrived. For a while they just sat. Then talked and cried. Kurt wandered to the cliff and sat at the edge, leaning against Blaine. The others join them. Finn joins them, but doesn't sit. For a moment, he looks lost. Then furious. He raises his face to the star studded sky and releases a howl that resounds in each of them. Mike grabs him in a hug, then pulls him down to sit with them. Twelve friends sit on the small cliff, a fire crackling a ways behind them, a starry sky glittering above them. They remain this way for a while. Finn abruptly stands.

"I can't be here." He spins around.

"Dude, where are you going?"

"I need to be with her. I need to be there. I can't….." He stops trying to explain and hurries off into the dark woods, past the fire.

For a second, Kurt stares after him. Then he suddenly knows with absolute certainty that he needs to be there as well. He'd never forgive himself if he wasn't there in her final moments. He jumps up and runs after the quarterback.

"Wait! I'm going with you!"

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Her breaths get raspier and more shallow. Each long pause causes Shelby to stop breathing as well, her hand on Rachel's back, waiting to see if she'll breathe again. When she does, Shelby breathes as well. Finn and Kurt have returned, removed their coats, and settled into seats to wait. She'd barely spared them a glance until they silently moved closer. Her family understood and moved back, giving the boys room. These boys have known her longer than them and love her just as fiercely. Finn meets her eyes questioningly as he reaches for one of Rachel's hands. Shelby nods. He takes it in his own, holding it firmly. Kurt, looking once more like a scared little boy, sits by her feet and rests a hand on Rachel's leg.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She drifts.

The rowboat gently rocks side to side. It's calming. She watches the scenery slowly pass by as the boat floats along with the current. It's nighttime. The sky is filled with bright, beautiful stars. She gazes at them happily. It's too dark to make out the riverbank, but she can tell she's not far from it. She can make out the tree line in the shadows. In the distance, mountain peaks rise above the trees. All together, it is the most gorgeous sight she has ever seen. She turns to tell someone about it; to share the joy of the beauty before her.

She's alone in the boat. She frowns. She knew that. But…..she could have sworn someone was holding her hand. And…..someone was sitting next to her, by her feet. Hadn't someone just been hugging her? She shakes the thoughts away. Obviously, she's alone. She looks back at the starry sky. The only thing that could make the scene better was if…..

Snowflakes fall from a clear sky. It makes no sense, but she doesn't mind that. She laughs, a big smile stretching across her face. The big snowflakes fall on her and on the water around her. The sight of the snow on the shadowy mountains, glittering in the moonlight, is breathtaking. And she's not cold. She's comfortably warm. How odd.

She looks down at her right hand. Someone is holding it. Firmly. But her hand is empty and she's alone in the boat. She wishes someone was there with her to share this moment But then, she realizes she doesn't feel alone. The wind picks up. It almost sounds like…..humming. It's beautiful. Soothing. Somehow, it fits the moment perfectly. The falling snowflakes dance along to the melody. Peace fills her.

She drifts along.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ten friends sit around a bonfire. They've finished talking. They are simply waiting for the inevitable but praying for a miracle.

"Is it…snowing?" Brittany asks in confusion.

They all look up. The sky is clear. But somehow, yes, snow is falling. They look around, bewildered.

"Rachel loves falling snow." Mercedes reminds them.

They laugh through their tears, hands out and faces turned up to catch the falling flurries.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mom.

It is suddenly very obvious that the wind is her mother humming. She looks around, but doesn't see her. Her right hand is very warm. Safe. Loved. How can her hand feel safe and loved? She feels a tug from her hand. The boat stops. She sits up straighter and looks around, confused. She still feels safe, but the peaceful feeling is starting to fade.

She suddenly understands. It's a knowledge that is felt more than it is thought. If she wants the peace to continue, she needs to let go of the hand holding hers. She needs to drift away from the voice humming soothingly. She needs to let the boat continue to drift along and take her onwards.

But does she truly want that?

She'll be at peace. No pain. No fear. At that thought, and the relief that comes with it, the boat begins to drift once more. The humming fades to a distant whisper. The feeling on her hand begins to diminish. Fear shoots through her and she clenches onto the invisible hand holding hers. The boat halts its progress. The humming returns, but faintly now.

For peace, she has to let go of this love and trust that she'll find other warmth and love ahead. Someone who loves her deeply is waiting for her up ahead. She knows this with utmost certainty. She'll be loved. She'll be safe. She'll be warm. No more fear. No more pain. She can finally rest.

Slowly, she releases her hold.

And drifts peacefully on.

A smile spreads across Rachel's face as tranquility engulfs her.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Rachel's chest does not rise.

Shelby pulls her daughter closer, tightening her embrace. It's only a few moments later when the beeping stops. A steady tone fills the room. The claw slowly begins to tear her open. A single sob escapes her lips. She holds in the rest. She read in that stupid book that it is believed that patients can continue to hear what's going on around them for up to ten minutes past dying. She doesn't want the final sounds Rachel hears to be her sobbing. Shelby's face is clenched in agony. She uses all of her strength to resume humming. She ignores the sounds of crying around her.

All that matters is that her child continues to hear her humming to her as she passes on.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dr. Morgan disconnects the wires, removes the oxygen mask, and shuts off the monitors. Shelby can't even look at her. All she can do is cradle her daughter's body and cry. The claw in her heart has dug in deep and is tearing it to shreds. Finn and Kurt take turns kissing Rachel's slowly chilling cheek and whisper their final goodbyes through thick tears. Burt and Carole do the same, then guide their boys out of the room. When only the Corcoran's remain, they close ranks around the bed. Shelby's cries become sobs. Her mother climbs on behind her. She holds Shelby and kisses her head, but her left hand reaches across and rests on her granddaughter's cheek, stroking it gently. Shelby doesn't know how long she laid there sobbing brokenly before she finally feels like she can breathe and her tears slow. The room is bright. It must have been a while, then. Not that time matters to her. Not any more. Her father squeezes her hand.

"Shelly….it's time to say goodbye. You need to let her go." His words are soft and gently spoken. She flinches anyway.

She pulls Rachel against her, practically on top of her. "I can't."

"You have to put her down, honey."

"I can't." Her voice takes on a slightly hysterical edge. "I can't!"

"You can, sweetheart. We're here to help you."

She takes a moment to carve this into her memory. Not the anguish, but the feel of her daughter in her arms. She'll never be able to do this again. She will never hold her daughter again. Ever. Shelby squeezes her eyes shut and sucks in a ragged breath. This isn't real. This isn't really happening. It can't be. But it is. It takes a while longer for her to get herself a little under control. Shelby strokes Rachel's hair. She doesn't look at her family when she speaks to them.

"Can…..can you all step out? Just for a minute."

Hesitantly, they file out. In the now empty room, she begins talking softly.

"You have been my light and my joy, baby girl. I have always and will always love you. Until my dying day. No…..beyond that. I'll still be loving you, my beautiful, brave, amazing daughter, long after this world has ended and humans are extinct. My love for you will still be there. I will see you again one day. But for now…..for now….you have your time with your Daddy. Just know that your Mommy loves you and will miss you so very much. Goodbye, Rachel."

Shelby gently rolls Rachel onto her back and rises from the bed. She tucks the blankets carefully around her daughter, then brushes her hair back from her face. One last time. Yes, Rachel's skin is pallid and her lips are blue. But for the first time in months, she looks completely peaceful. Shelby presses a final, soft kiss to Rachel's forehead.

Her legs don't buckle until she's out of the room.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Kurt sits before his camera knowing he probably looks like a zombie. He doesn't care. He does not care about his physical appearance. That alone speaks volumes about his current mental state. For a while, he doesn't speak. He just stares down, tears slipping down his pale cheeks. When he can find the strength, he swallows and lifts his gaze to the camera.

"She's…she's gone. Rachel died this morning. 4:02 am." His face crumbles and his shoulders shake. He hastily wipes his face and pulls himself together enough to continue speaking. "I'm sure the funeral will be soon. I don't know how long it'll be before I post another video. I didn't really want to make this one, but…..many of you have been following our videos from the beginning. You deserved to know."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As soon as the video started, she knew. His posture, his expression…it was all wrong. It all screamed "anguish". With a heavy heart, Carmen Tibideaux closes the short video. It's quite a loss. For Rachel's family, her friends, her boyfriend, and even for NYADA, though no one will ever know that. And maybe that's the saddest part. So many people will never know the sheer talent that girl carried within her.

The world was deprived of a star that never got to shine.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Are you sure you want to do this today? We can wait." David assures her gently.

April shakes her head. "No. We should do it today. Now."

"Alright."

After curtain call has ended and everyone has taken their bows, April steps forward and gets everyone's attention.

"Thank you, all, for coming today. If you have a few extra minutes to spare, I'd appreciate you sitting back down and listening." She waits patiently while the audience retakes their seats. "Over the summer, I met two amazing teenagers. They'd come to New York City to see Wicked on Broadway. We got to meet them and talk to them because the one teenager was sick. Rachel's mother reached out to us, telling us about how her daughter had a rare blood disease but dreamed of being on Broadway and she was taking her and her nephew to see Wicked. But that her daughter was worried. Part of her condition meant that she'd get attacks of intense pain. She was worried that if she got an attack during the show, it'd disrupt our performance. This selfless kid wanted to make sure we were okay with her coming and possibly disrupting our performance with a medical emergency. So we had to meet her." The audience chuckles. "She and her cousin were so excited and sweet and they absolutely loved the show, of course. At the time, Rachel was in stage 2 of her illness and from what we understood, had already been through hell. We decided it'd be easy enough to make her happy by letting her and her cousin sing on stage."

April smiles widely at the audience. "We had no idea they could sing as well as they did. They were both incredibly talented, but my God Rachel's voice filled this theater. We all knew as soon as we heard her sing that she'd be a star one day. Her cousin, Kurt, had been recording videos of the two of them and posting them on his vlog. When she got sick, a bunch of his videos became about her illness; informing people about what it is, trying to get donations for a cure, and keeping his followers up to date on her condition. I've been following his vlog for months now."

Her smile falters and her voice shakes. Her Elphaba steps forward and takes her hand in silent support. "At the end of the summer, Rachel announced on the vlog that she was stage 3. At the start of the winter, Kurt announced that Rachel was stage 4 and only had two months left to live." There are murmurs from the audience. People shifting uncomfortably in their seats. No one likes hearing about this. Especially about a child. "This morning, Kurt made a very, very short video…" April swallows hard, "…..announcing Rachel's death. She died early this morning. She was 16."

She swipes under her eyes. Will Schuester had called her and cried on the phone over the death of his student. Despite having only met Rachel once, April cried with him.

"Rachel Berry dreamed of being on Broadway. She had the talent and the drive to make it happen. She just didn't have the health. She didn't live long enough to see it through. We let her sing on this stage to her mother, uncle, and a few of us actors. It was a tiny audience, but she was still thrilled with the opportunity. Rachel will never get to see her name up in lights. She'll never get to be on a stage in front of a packed theater and bring the house down. And that's a real shame, because she could have. We'd like to honor her memory, today, on the day she died, by playing the video of her singing for you. If you're willing, please stay and listen. Please give her the big audience that she didn't get in life."

No one moves. No one leaves. April nods to David and leaves the stage. They bring down a blank curtain and project the video on it. April lets tears of regret roll down her cheeks while listening. She'd fucked up. Or, she'd nearly fucked up. She'd dropped out of high school, became an alcoholic, and gave up on her dreams. By some stroke of luck, a good man helped her clean up and straighten up. He helped her get her GED, then brought her to NYC and helped her get auditions. Now she is living her dreams. She got fucking lucky. And here before her is the recording of a young girl who didn't make terrible life choices, who never gave up, and who suffered tremendously. But who died before getting to live out her dreams. It's not fair. She shakes her head and focuses on the video. When Rachel and Kurt harmonize, with Rachel hitting that high note at a belt, April gets goosebumps. They end the video with Kurt swinging Rachel around joyously, the two teens laughing. Not that you could hear that. The live audience before her had all stood up, giving a standing ovation along with roaring applause. Whistles and cheers rang out. April laughed and teared up again. If only Rachel could see this now.

They continue cheering for far longer than April had anticipated. Loud, enthusiastic, cheering, whistling, and applauding. She walks out on stage once more and the audience retakes their seats. "Thank you. I hope that Rachel is looking down from heaven and taking her bow, because she deserved it."

Applause starts up again, though briefly this time.

"As you saw for yourself, that girl had star quality talent. And that's rare to find. Thank you for giving her the audience she deserved."

David joins her. "Rachel had Danton's Aplastic Anemia." He goes on to explain the disease and it's symptoms and side effects. He also explains that there's no cure. "We have placed boxes and pamphlets out in the lobby and atrium. You can take a pamphlet to get more information on the illness and how to donate. You can drop money in the box to donate to us directly. We will make sure the money gets to the correct organization."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He's done this before. He's been here before. He hates this. He absolutely despises this. Kurt looks around the room. People are everywhere. They're wearing black. Their faces are drawn in sorrow. Many have tears on their cheeks. They speak softly and move slowly. There's quiet crying coming from every room. Finn sits beside him. The taller boy stares forward blankly. Dr. Morgan had guided them to her office and let them use it to get out their initial tears. They sat in there as a family and cried, all four of them. When they left the hospital, the boys had gone straight to their spot to join their friends. They didn't speak. They didn't have to. Finn accepted the sledgehammer Puck silently offered him. He smashed a tree over and over and over until it fell. Then he smashed part of it until it was just a pile of splinters. He'd roared and howled. When he finally used words, he screamed "It's not fair!" Kurt had wanted to smash things, too. But he couldn't. He could barely move, let alone destroy something. Part of him has been destroyed. A part that will never be repaired.

A hand squeezes his. Thank God for Blaine. His boyfriend held him, sang to him, let him cry, let him yell, and let him sit silently. But he never let him be alone. Kurt looks away. First his mother. Now his sister. It's not fair. His eyes find his father. He looks old. Drooping and bent under the weight of his grief. He lost a wife and now a daughter. It's not fair. Next his eyes drift to Aunt Shelby. A woman who has proven better than any other that time means nothing when it comes to love. Especially a mother's love. She only knew her daughter for a year. And yet, you wouldn't know it. Not from the way she loved her daughter in life and cared for her. Not from the way she grieves now; silent and broken. There's been a perpetually hollow look about her since Rachel died. It's. Not. Fair. His eyes drift to a photograph set on the mantle. Rachel. Beautiful and smiling brightly. Forever preserved at 16. Never to age.

It's.

Not.

Fair.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She's sure the funeral was beautiful. She doesn't actually remember it. Bits and pieces, but not the whole thing. That's fine with her. Who wants to remember their child's funeral? Not her. She remembers Burt holding her hand. The Mom and the real Dad grieving together. Leroy sat in the row behind them. Shelby did not speak to him. She couldn't even bring herself to look at the bastard. Leroy went up and said his goodbyes to his daughter, then left. Burt followed him out. She'd heard the whispers. She knows that Burt followed him out to the parking lot, then punched him. Hard. She wishes she'd seen it.

Shelby sits on her couch. The urn holding Rachel's ashes sits high on a glass shelf in the corner, between two photos of her. She stares at it a lot. Probably too much. By Jewish rules, Rachel should not have been cremated. But really, it was her child's dying wish. There was no way she wasn't going to honor it. If it made her kid feel better in her final days to know she wouldn't be buried in a box in the ground, then Shelby was content to break the rules of their religion for her.

The house is too quiet. Not that Rachel was loud, unless she was singing. But without her here it seems so much quieter and the house feels larger. Empty. And cold. In one year she got used to having her kid around. Not just Rachel, but Kurt and the rest of the New Directions. There were constantly teenagers in her home. Now it's just…..empty. Like her. Scott sits beside her. He has proven to not just be physically strong, but emotionally strong as well. He has been her rock. When she can get through at least one day without wanting to die, she will let him take her on a date.

So…..not yet.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They stand around the fire pit at their spot. It's nighttime, of course. They knew they had to wait to do this on a clear night when the stars could be clearly seen. Kurt opens the small urn with the portion of Rachel's ashes that had been given to them for this very reason. Tears softly slip down his cheeks.

"My sister. My platonic soulmate. Life just isn't as bright without you, Tink." His voice shakes. He has to stop to gather himself. "Thank you for six wonderful years of being by my side. I love you. I'll miss you." He shakes the urn lightly, letting some of the ashes fall into the fire pit.

He passes it to Finn. "My girlfriend. My other half. The wife I didn't get to marry. I fell in love with you at 15 and I'll still be loving you at 50. I'll miss you." He lightly shakes some of her ashes out, then passes the urn.

Brittany takes it next. "My friend." She shakes her head. "One of my best, closest friends. I promise that I will always dance with my whole heart and soul, just like you always sang with your whole heart and soul. I'll miss you."

Puck accepts it from her. "My Jewish-American Princess. My friend. I went from secretly crushing on you to seeing you as another sister. But you were always my friend. Even when I didn't deserve it. I'll miss you."

And so they went around the circle, each friend taking a turn to declare their connection to Rachel, their love, and to state that they'll miss her, each pouring a little of her ashes out. When all had spoken and the urn was empty, they lit the bonfire. For a while, they sat silently, staring at the fire and feeling its warmth. And then, quite suddenly, something very odd happened. It began to snow. Large, beautiful snowflakes fell down on and around them. They look up in bewilderment to confirm that the sky is clear. Clear. No clouds in sight. And yet, it was most definitely snowing. They shared confused looks until Kurt started laughing.

"Ra….Rachel…..loved…falling snow." His smile was bright despite the resurgence of tears. "I think this is her goodbye to us. Her 'I love you' and 'I'll miss you' sent right back to us." He lifted his face to the sky. "Am I right, Tink?"

The wind swirled around him, ruffling his hair and sending the snow more directly onto him. He laughed again. He laughed and he cried. His friends joined him. Crying tears of loss, but laughing in joy at the perceived message from their beloved friend. The snow lifted their spirits. The wind dried their tears. The fire warmed them, like a hug.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Shelby curls up on the reclining chair. Rachel did spend a lot of time on the couch, but just as much on the recliner. And this recliner is the last seat her daughter ever sat in in their home. And Shelby sat there with her. Now, she sits in it alone. She puts on Funny Girl. She wraps her arms around a pillow and buries her face in it.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Hi, you've reached Rachel Berry! Sorry I missed your call! Please leave your name, number, and message after the beep!"

Finn stares at his ceiling. Without having to look, he hits the "end call" button. He swallows hard, then hits the "call" button again.

"Hi, you've reached Rachel Berry! Sorry I missed your call! Please leave your name, number, and message after the beep!"

He grits his teeth and scrubs a hand over his face. He needs to stop doing this. He knows he needs to stop doing this. He should call someone who will be able to answer. The problem is that she's the only one he wants to talk to.

"Hi, you've reached Rachel Berry! Sorry I missed your call! Please leave your name, number, and message after the beep!"

Tears leak from red eyes. He hasn't showered in days. A pile of incomplete school work sits haphazardly on his desk. Rachel would be disappointed. He'd been working so hard and doing so much better in school. He'd been doing it largely to make her proud. He should get up. He should shower. He should do some of that work. He should—

"Hi, you've reached Rachel Berry! Sorry I mi—"

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It has been two months. Just long enough for them to recover from the funeral and acknowledge their new reality. A world without Rachel. At the moment, it's a pretty dismal world. But they power on. If she could suffer through everything she did, for as long as she did, and still find a way to smile, they can suffer through this and live. For her. Kurt and Finn go on largely because they know Rachel would be mad at them if they didn't. They let themselves cry, but then they dry their tears, lift their heads, and move forward.

Now, two months after she died, they are emotionally able to handle a memorial service for her. They hold it at school. A lot of their classmates want to come to pay their respects and share memories. A screen hangs from the ceiling above the stage. A slideshow of pictures of Rachel is projected on it. People take turns talking about Rachel. They share fond memories or just say they'll miss her. They play videos of her singing (Kurt really had to work hard to narrow down just a couple). The Glee kids, those from New Directions, the Warblers, and Vocal Adrenaline, and even Jesse St. James, take turns singing in her memory. The New Directions opened it up with Seasons of Love. Mr. Schuester steps up with Forever Young. Kurt performs Blackbird. Mr. Schue and the New Directions sing Fix You. They make sure to sing some of her favorite songs.

Xxxxxxxxx

Shelby sits in the auditorium watching the slideshow with tears in her eyes but a small smile on her lips. Scott holds one hand. Burt holds the other. It hurts, but its a good hurt. During a pause between songs, Blaine steps on stage.

"Um….so….Rachel and I had been working on writing a song together."

Shelby straightens and her eyes widen. This is news to her.

"We had just enough time to finish writing it and get her to record it." He shakes his head. "When we first started writing it, we talked about when we'd share the finished product with everyone. She was excited but nervous to get everyone's opinion on it. Then, after she hit stage four, she wanted to focus on finishing the song and recording it. By the time we finished it, she knew she probably wouldn't be around to witness reactions and hear your opinions. She said that was all on me. She may be the one singing it, but we wrote it together. So she suggested that I record her singing it, share it at an appropriate time, then listen to the feedback for both of us. So, um…..here it is."

He walks off stage. The lights dim more and the slideshow stops. A video begins instead. Rachel, clearly during stage four, appears on screen. Shelby sucks in a breath. Taking in the details of her face and her movements, Shelby determines that this must have been recorded in January. Rachel is turned and looking at someone off screen.

"This one's mine?" She's asking.

"No, that one is." Blaine answers, his voice drifting from off screen.

"But you drank from that one."

"No, I didn't. You did."

"I drank from that one."

"…..oh. Crap."

Rachel turns so she's facing front but still not looking at the camera. She's looking at someone behind and next to it. "See? I was right. That one's mine."

"We can just get you a new one to be safe. We have a bunch." Artie's voice floats from off screen.

"It's the principle of the thing, Artie. I was right and he was wrong." She grins.

Artie is heard laughing. Still off screen, Blaine starts complaining. "It's just water!"

"But it was my water!" She calls back.

"Throw a diva fit, Rachel. Demand the correct water!" Artie enthuses.

Rachel laughs. "You want a diva fit? Fine." She lifts a bottle of Dasani water. "Dasani? Dasani?!" She tosses the bottle in Blaine's direction. "You're kidding, right? I only drink Deer Park. Got it? Deer Park."

She's doing an exceptional job acting like a demanding diva. The camera shifts a little to reveal Finn sitting at a drum set and Blaine standing next to a piano. Finn and Artie are laughing. Blaine is trying not to laugh.

"You heard her! Get her Deer Park!" Finn chimes in. Blaine throw his hands up in feigned exasperation.

"I can't work under these conditions." Rachel sniffs, working to keep a bitchy expression on her face. Her twitching lips give away her amusement at the scene she's making.

Behind her are a handful of orchestra kids holding their instruments and shifting through their sheet music. One boy leans towards another and says something quietly. Rachel turns to face them. "I heard that!"

The boy raises his hands in supplication. "It was meant as a compliment!"

"A likely story." She responds with a grin.

"Can we get on with this already?" Blaine calls. "We are on limited time, people! We do actually have to get Rachel to her treatment later."

Rachel rolls her eyes. "Now who's the diva?"

Blaine turns to her incredulously. Artie, Finn, and Rachel start cracking up. Artie's voice is heard once more. "I already started recording. I'm just waiting on you guys."

Rachel frowns. "You started recording? When?"

"A minute ago?"

Rachel looks at the camera. "Oh. I guess you did. You'll cut this part out, right?" She looks at Artie expectantly. When no answer is forthcoming, she asks again. "Right, Artie?"

"Right." It's not very convincing.

Rachel narrows her eyes playfully, then turns to the kids behind her. "You all heard him. He's cutting this part out in the final edit." They chuckle and nod. "So if he doesn't….yell at him for me."

"Or pour a bottle of Dasani on him." Finn calls his suggestion out. Rachel grins.

"Let's just get started, please." Blaine requests.

Rachel nods. "Fine. Artie?"

"It's rolling! Just start!"

Rachel's lips twitch again. "Artie, I'm starting to doubt your abilities as a director. You're supposed to identify when a scene begins and ends."

"Just start! I'll edit it."

She eyes him uncertainly, then shrugs and focuses on the camera. "Hi. When I first started writing this song, it was a little different. Similar, but…..I started writing it as a way to express my feelings about being sick for so long. Then, with Blaine's help, I started rewriting it to be m—" She cringes and takes several deep breaths, her hands clenching the arm rests of her chair. After it passes, she relaxes and resumes speaking. "more about my feelings about the people in my life. Then we hit a point where we decided to scrap it and start over. We intended it to be a mix of the two; my battle with my illness and my relationships with my loved ones. In the end, though, it became more than that. We can't really define how, but we know it's more than that." There's a laugh from off screen. Rachel turns towards the source and rolls her eyes. "Well, how would you describe it then?!"

From off screen, Blaine's response is quiet, but still clearly heard. "No, no, that was accurate. I wasn't laughing at you, just at the fact that we wrote an awesome song but can't describe it."

Rachel shrugs. "Whatever." She turns back to the camera. "Maybe one of you can describe it for us. I did my part."

"Excuse me? You did your part?"

Rachel turns to look at Blaine off screen again. "Yes, I did my part. It was my idea, my sentiment, and I'll be singing it!"

"They're my words and you haven't sung it yet!"

"Our words and I'm about to sing it." Rachel argues back.

"Oh, so now they're our words. I see how it is."

Rachel gives the camera an exasperated look. "Do you see what I have to put up with?"

"Hey!"

Rachel grins and curls a finger, beckoning him closer. Blaine enters the frame and crouches down to be closer to her. Rachel kisses his cheek. Appeased, he relaxes and smiles at her, then at the camera. "Here's our song. 'This Time'."

The camera pulls back to reveal everyone on the stage. Finn at the drum set. Blaine at the piano. Several kids from the orchestra sitting with their instruments. And Rachel sitting front and center. She's not on a stool, but in a chair with arms. The music starts playing.

"These walls and all these picture frames
Every name they show
These halls I've walked a thousand times
Heartbreaks and valentines, friends of mine all know

I look at everything I was
And everything I ever loved
And I can see how much I've grown
And though the mirror doesn't see it
It's clear to me, I feel it
I can make it on my own

I'm not afraid of moving on or letting go
It's just so hard to say goodbye to what I know, I know

This time no one's gonna say goodbye
I keep you in this heart of mine
This time I know it's never over
No matter who or what I am
I'll carry where we all began
This time that we had, I will hold forever

This old familiar place is
Where every face is another part of me
I had a different dream then
They took on a different theme then

I think of all the things I did and how I wish I knew what I know now
I see how far I've come and what I got right
When I was looking for that spotlight
I was looking for myself
Got over what I was afraid of
I showed 'em all that I was made of
More than trophies on a shelf

For all the battles that we last or might have won
I never stopped believing in the words we sung, we sung

This time no one's gonna say goodbye
I keep you in this heart of mine
This time I know it's never over
No matter who or what I am
I'll carry where we all began
This time that we had, I will hold forever

I'm looking out from the crossroads
I don't know how far away I will roam
I take a breath, I close my eyes
Your voice will carry me home

I keep you in this heart of mine
This time I know it's never over
No matter who or what I am
I'll carry where we all began
This time that we had, I will hold
This time that we had, I will hold
This time that we had, I will hold
Forever
Forever"

The music ends and Rachel smiles happily, ignoring the few tears slipping down her face. Artie and the orchestra kids applaud and Rachel laughs a little breathlessly, slumping further in the chair. She's clearly exhausted but just as clearly happy with the song.

The video ends. Shelby's face is soaked with tears. She is torn between amazement at the wonderful song they wrote, pride in how wonderful Rachel sounded, and heartbreak at the song itself. The memorial service goes on with more people talking and more people singing. It hurts, but in a sweet way.

Will Schuester steps up on stage, his hands clasped before him. "Thank you all for coming. It is clear that Rachel meant a lot to a lot of people. She was very loved and will continue to be loved as we go on. We will miss her." He bows his head for a moment. Shelby can tell he's crying and trying to reign it in. Once he composes himself somewhat, he raises his head and goes on. "Rachel lived her life passionately. She put her all into everything she did, but especially singing. She believed that being a part of something special made you special. But she didn't realize that she is what made it special. We will go on, richer in our lives for having known her." He clears his throat. "At this time, I ask anyone who is not her family or Glee kid to please depart. There is one final part of this memorial that is just for family and her close friends. So if you're not her family or her Glee family, kindly take your leave. Thank you again for coming."

Shelby frowns in confusion. She turns to Burt. "Do you know what's going on?"

He shakes his head. "No. I wasn't told about anything."

They both look around. The other Glee parents look just as confused. They sit silently until everyone except those who were nearest and dearest to Rachel remain. The fact that the auditorium still has a lot of people in it makes Shelby smile a little. All of the Corcoran's, Winters', Glee kids, and the Glee kids parents are still here, along with Will, Sue, Sue's sister Jean, Holly, Emma, and Shannon.

Artie rolls onto the stage. "Hi. Um, so, Rachel asked me for a favor not too long before she died. She wanted my help editing a video. Then she told me that this video was just for you. For us. So…..here it is."

Shelby isn't sure how to feel. She sits up straighter as the lights dim. The video begins with Rachel, stage four and clearly closer to the end, sitting in her room. Shelby isn't sure when this would have been. She was never left alone once she neared the end. From the glimpse of the window she gets, she assumes Rachel shot this video in the middle of the night. Either someone is asleep in the bed while Rachel records herself or someone other than Shelby was there recording her and never said anything.

"Hi!" Rachel smiles at the camera. "So, I get it, really, this is awkward. But I'm hoping it helps somewhat. You see, Santana made a joke about me finding a way to talk at my own funeral. I know it was just a joke. It was funny and we all laughed." Rachel rolls her eyes a little. "But it got me thinking. And searching YouTube. It turns out there are a bunch of people who, since they knew they were dying, made videos or recordings of some sort to comfort their loved ones. Some were really funny! One guy had someone put a speaker in his coffin while at the cemetery so it sounded like he was talking from in his grave. He sang and joked and everyone laughed. I thought about doing something like that, and well….yes, obviously I decided to record a message for you all, but not like that. I realize nothing I could say or do right now would be funny. When I thought about why it wouldn't be funny for me to do a video like that, I realized the only difference between that guy and me is age. He was older when he died. I'm young. I'm just a kid."

Shelby breathes harshly for a moment, blinking away the relentless tears. She's relieved that Rachel decided against trying to be funny. And she was right. She was just a kid.

"Or would it be 'I was just a kid'? I mean, if you're watching this, then I'm already dead." She tilts her head. "Am? Will be?" She shakes her head, an odd smile on her face. "That's weird. Figuring out what tense to use, I mean. And awkward. Whatever." Rachel tucks a lock of hair behind her ear and adjusts herself more comfortably. "I've thought about it a lot lately and I've decided that what makes someone young dying so sad is not the life they're leaving behind but the life they never got to live. All the things they never got to experience." She shrugs uncomfortably. "And yes, that really sucks. There's a lot I'll never get to do. Big things and little things. But I'm trying not to think about that stuff. Except….." She grins a little. "….to my friends, just know that as you experience the wonderful things that I won't get to, I'll be there with you in spirit."

An odd expression crosses Rachel's face and she shakes her head. "Okay, did that sound as fake and overdramatic to you as it did to me?"

People around Shelby chuckle quietly. She doesn't laugh, but a small smile tugs at her lips.

"I'm trying to think of a less creepy way to say 'I'll be watching you' but nothing comes to mind. Sorry." An amused grimace spreads across her face. "How about this? Just as you all were there for me, I will be there for you." Rachel looks away from the camera frowning. When she looks back, she still seems undecided. "Maybe I'll have Artie edit all of this beginning part out because I'm not sure how much sense I'm actually making right now. Everything's a little fuzzy anyway. Actually, I thi—" She closes her eyes and breathes deeply, tensely. When it passes, she sighs in aggravation and rubs her face tiredly. "Never mind. I'll restart this tomorrow." The last part is mumbled to herself.

The video changes. This time, she's in the basement and wearing different clothes. Rachel smiles at the camera. "I'm not sure what I'm keeping from the last video. Maybe I'll scrap the whole thing. Shorter version: Santana joked about me finding a way to talk at my own funeral, I thought about how I could make that happen as a joke back at her, changed my mind, figured out why dying young is usually sadder than an adult dying, then thought about how I could make a video to help my loved ones rather than try to 'lighten the mood' or anything stupid like that."

She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, nodding to herself. "Yeah, that's a better beginning. Okay, moving on. I've mostly been sleeping, but when I'm not I've been bored out of my mind and tired of watching the same movies and tv shows. So I started going through everything on my computer and on old flash drives. One thumb drive had a couple old videos on it. Here's one of them." She grins.

The screen goes black, then an older video starts playing. A young Rachel and young Kurt are talking. They have to be around 11 or 12.

"We should totally practice for future interviews after we're famous!" Kurt bounces excitedly.

Rachel grins widely. "Absolutely! Want to take turns being interviewed?"

Kurt nods enthusiastically. They start off with questions like "how did you know you wanted to be in theater?" And "when did you first start singing?" And so on.

After a few back and forth questions, 16 year old Rachel returns to the screen. She stares at the camera blandly. "Wow. We were…..completely ridiculous. And boring. My apologies." The old video resumes.

"Wait. We should change it up. Not all interviews are surface topics. Some dive deep!"

Rachel tilts her head curiously. "Like deep secrets and childhood traumas?"

Kurt nods awkwardly. "Sort of. We've both lost a parent. Both growing up without a mom. Both experienced what it's like, to some degree, to be gay in a small town. And I bet if you talk about your Dad, you cou—"

Rachel cuts him off. "No, I don't think I would. At least I don't want to now."

Kurt gives her a quick hug. "Okay, that's fine! But…..we should still be ready to talk about more important stuff."

'Like what?"

"Like….our bucket lists! I want to go to Paris and drink a latte at a small cafe by the Eiffel Tower!" Rachel is looking at him oddly. Kurt's enthusiasm wanes. "Rachel?"

She shakes off the odd look and smiles. "Paris would be fun! I'd definitely love to join you!"

Kurt smiles back briefly. "Did you not want to share your bucket list? We don't have to talk about it if you want to stop."

Rachel gives a half shrug. "No, it's fine. I just think I have a different idea of what a bucket list is than you."

"What do you mean? I thought a bucket list was the list of things you want to do before you die."

"Yes, but….I don't think a bucket list should be about places to visit or books to read or stuff like that."

"Why not?" Kurt sounds like he's not sure if he should be offended or not. Mostly he sounds baffled.

"Because….those are things you can choose to do. You set aside the time and money to do those things. They're not hard. It's literally just a matter of planning them."

"So…..things on your bucket list should be hard to do?"

"Not…..hard, just….." Young Rachel bites her lip while she thinks how to phrase it better. "…I think your bucket list should be things that you want to do that you're proud of. Things you have to work for or earn. Things that after you accomplish them, you can look back on them with pride and say 'yeah, I did that'. And be proud. I think they should be the things that make life worth living. The big goals."

Kurt's expression softens, becoming understanding. "Like your dreams."

"Sort of. Dreams, but things you can work for. So not dreams like winning the lottery or anything. Dreams like landing your ideal job or having kids."

"Ooohhh okay! I like that! That makes sense. Alright, let's talk about that!" Kurt is bouncing again, his excitement returning. "What's on your bucket list-slash-life-worth-living list?"

Rachel giggles, then thinks about it. Once she has her answer, she sits up straighter and nods. "Number one: sing on Broadway."

Kurt nods seriously. "Duh. No brainer. That's obviously first."

"Number two: fall in love."

"Aaawww. But yeah, that's a good one." Kurt agrees happily.

"And third….." Rachel looks self-conscious and her voice becomes almost meek. "….meet my mom."

Kurt stops bouncing. His face becomes both sad and supportive. "That's a really good one."

Rachel smiles gratefully at him. After a moment of silence, Kurt gives her a bewildered look. "That's it? Three things to make life worth living?"

Rachel smiles and shrugs. "I mean…yeah. Those are the things that matter most to me. If nothing else, I'd be happy to get to do those three things."

"You can't think of anything else? At all?"

She tilts her head. "Well….it'd be awesome to have a big group of close friends like you see in the movies or on tv shows. I don't know if that's the same type of achievable goal as the others, though."

Kurt shrugs. "I think it is! Add it to your list!"

Rachel laughs. "Fine. Number four: have a big, close knit group of friends."

Kurt kisses her cheek. "That's a great bucket list, Tink."

She throw her arms around him in a tight hug, both of them laughing.

Sixteen year old Rachel reappears, but not in her basement. She's in the den/office, now. She shrugs at the camera. "A little time passed. I got tired and took a nap. Continuing…" She puts on a knowing grin. "At twelve years old, Kurt and I came up with our bucket lists. Lists of things that were important to us that we wanted to accomplish before dying. Things that would make life worth living. For the record, sixteen year old me still 100% agrees with the bucket list twelve year old me came up with. Let's recap, shall we?"

Rachel holds up four fingers.

"Number one: sing on Broadway." The video changes. A short clip or Rachel and Kurt singing 'For Good' on Broadway the summer before plays. The video returns to Rachel in the den/office.

"Check." With a grin, she puts down one finger. "It may have only been one song, and just from sick kid perks, but…..I count it. It was awesome! I sang on Broadway."

"Number two: fall in love." Clips of Rachel and Finn start playing. The two of them hugging, kissing, dancing, singing together, cuddling, and so on. The video returns to Rachel and she smiles.

"Check." She folds down a second finger, smiling softly. "I fell in love with Finn Hudson in tenth grade. Despite our age….'our love it was stronger by far than the love of those who were older than we'…..'" She shrugs lightly. "Edgar Allan Poe."

Shelby looks over at Finn. He has tears streaming down his face unchecked and there's a yearning in his expression that cuts Shelby to the core. This poor boy.

"Number three: meet my Mom." Clips of Rachel and Shelby flash on the screen. Hugging, talking, laughing, singing, and cuddling. The final clip is of Rachel wrapping her arms around Shelby tight with a huge smile on her face and Shelby hugging her back just as tight, with just as big a smile, then kissing her head.

Shelby is crying hard, but doing her best to stay quiet and focus on the video, not wanting to miss a second of it. Scott has wrapped an arm around around her and is holding her close.

"Check." Rachel swipes at her eyes, but has a smile on her face as she puts down a third finger. "And that one went so much better than I could have ever dreamed! I had just hoped that my mother would be willing to meet me and if I was lucky, maybe she'd want to meet up for dinner once in a while. Instead, I got an amazing mom who jumped at the chance to be in my life and who worked hard to show me just how much she loves me. My mom is the best mom in the world, because even though I only knew her for about a year, she managed to make me feel like she'd been in my life, loving me, my entire life. Like retroactive mom love. It's pretty powerful stuff. She's one amazing mom. I hope she knows that I love her back just as much."

Burt squeezes her hand and Scott kisses her cheek. Someone behind her squeezes her shoulder. She knows she's bawling her eyes out, but she can't for the life of her determine the emotion behind it. She's just so overwhelmed. Hurting, missing her baby, wanting nothing more than to hug her right now and tell she knows how much Rachel loved her. But also so happy that Rachel knew how loved she was. Is. Is. And always will be.

"Number four: have a big, close knit group of friends." Short clips of Rachel with all of her many friends start playing quickly on the screen. The New Directions rehearsing, performing, hanging out, hiking, laughing, playing games, singing, dancing, hanging out at their spot in the woods, mall trips, the lakefront trip, goofing off at school, hanging out at their houses, and so on. There are also shots of the kids joining Rachel for treatment, visiting her at the hospital, holding her, and so on. They are brief flashes of moments in time, but they still manage to show how close the group of friends are.

"Check." Rachel puts down her final finger with a victorious grin. "I honestly never imagined that my group of friends would be this large or this close, like a second family."

Rachel sits back in the seat and sips from a water bottle. Her hand shakes. She's tired, but appears both happy and determined. She looks back at the camera.

"So, I may miss out on a lot of life experiences. I wish I had more time to spend with all of you. I'd love to be there experiencing life events with you. It sucks that I won't. But at twelve years old I had already worked out the four things that I wanted to accomplish and experience that were most important to me. The four things that I could look back on with pride and joy and say 'Yes, I did that. I lived.' And in just a few years, I did all four things. I crossed off every item on my bucket list. I may have only lived 16 years, but the point, my incredible loved ones," Rachel leans closer to the camera with a smile, "is that I lived."

With a bright, warm smile, sparkling eyes, and the sound of Rachel laughing quietly, the video ends.

The lights come up. Shelby sits silently, holding Scott's hand tight. She listens to the others talk about what a great video it was. How kind of Rachel to think to record that message for them. How great it is to know that she completed her bucket list; the things that mattered most to her. Shelby can't. While she's happy she saw the video, and she loves Rachel even more for making it, it still hurts too much. So she sits silently. Because she's so quiet, she's able to hear part of a conversation that she wishes she hadn't. Tina is commenting to Artie how amazing it is that Rachel stayed calm and positive through both videos.

"She didn't. Not really." Artie admits. "I mean, she stayed calm during the videos, but after each one she was a wreck. I ended the video of her singing 'This Time' where I did because seconds later she broke down in tears, crying her eyes out. Finn broke a drum leaping over the drum set to get to her. But I was closest. I pulled her onto my lap and held her while she cried. Until Finn pulled her away, at least."

There are a few sniffles. Shelby is past sniffling. She lets the tears roll. Of course Rachel broke down. Do people seriously think she was upbeat and positive the entire time? She was a sixteen year old girl who was suffering and knew she was probably dying. She fell apart. She yelled, she cried, she ranted. Shelby understands that Rachel tried to present a happy, positive visage when making the videos because the point of them was to make them feel better. But she feels people would appreciate those videos more if they knew how much it hurt Rachel to make them.

She looks around now and sees the people who loved Rachel the most mingling together. They're hugging and talking. Many are crying, but most of them (even among the ones crying) are also smiling. But…almost all of them appear lighter than they'd been when they'd first walked in. The memorial service was wonderful. This last video did wonders to comfort them. Shelby smiles slightly. Rachel accomplished her goal with her final video. The fact that she can't tell her daughter how proud she is of her or hug her crushes her heart a little more. She takes a couple deep breaths.

"You ready?"

She turns to Scott. He's holding out his hand to her. Is she ready? No. But she knows she can lean on him.

Shelby places her hand in Scott's and allows him to pull her up.

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A/N: Please review!