- Chapter 61 -
"This next file is from April 30, 2023." McCorrmick's hand was on the keyboard opening the file. His gaze was stuck on the elder King. The thing trapped within him was growing more restless. It was pushing and tearing at its confines, struggling to be free of them. The young man could hear its constant howling, whining, and growling. The growling, as though from some ten-ton hate-fueled beast, was unsettling. He didn't think it could hurt him. It didn't have his sarammr to depend on. There were also the light markings Skuld put on him and the strange power in them. What worried him was what the trapped thing could do to everyone else sitting in the room. They were emmika, part of his test and not his concern. They were also not protected like he was.
Glancing over to the Truthkeeper, Frey found that he was looking at Odin as though he weren't truly seeing Odin. Every time the boy looked at someone it was as though he were looking through them. He wondered what the boy was looking at. It was very peculiar.
The brief burst of melodious joy that came from the vexed Queen seeing her grandson was over. The grief and shock had swiftly retaken control of the silent noise she was making. It wasn't the wailing cry of before. It was more of a soft drizzle of pain. Ignoring that pain was becoming a challenge. McCorrmick tried to quietly remind himself that she was a selfish woman who forgot what she was supposed to do as a mother. There was ample proof of it. It was hard to do as he heard the amount of pain she was in. A large part of the pain was remorse over mistakes made and the consequences of them. Aidesh's law encouraged remorse and forgiveness. Aidesh wasn't there though. The young corporal wondered if maybe Queen Frigga hadn't realized what she was doing, if maybe good intentions had gone awry. It wasn't his place to judge or forgive these emmika. He kept telling himself that he only needed to understand. In that small quiet space in his mind that he kept for himself McCorrmick didn't deny that there was pity and sympathy for these oblivious emmika. They'd made foolish mistakes, committed atrocious crimes, but were perhaps not unworthy of forgiveness. Listening to her grief brought him painful clarity.
In the song of anguish coming from Queen Frigga he heard something so hideous that it nearly brought him to tears. It was the love of a mother for their lost child. It stabbed at him with hooked blades, refusing to be torn from his mind. The brokenhearted song brought McCorrmick's own mother to mind. Finding himself once again without any way to improve the situation all he could do was make a mental note to speak with his mother as soon as he could. I want to have good news for her.
.-.-.-.
Soft snoring followed Loki as she crept quietly out of the bedroom, closing the thick wooden door slowly behind her. Her bare feet made no noise on the cold stone tiles of the darkened hallway as she moved quickly towards the kitchen. The pale lavender silk bodice of her empire-styled nightgown wrapped tightly around her bust. One spaghetti strap slipped off her shoulder. The skirt flowed over her hips to whirl around the middle of her bare thighs. Loki's short curls were messy and sticking up at odd angles. She walked quickly down to the juncture where the hall widened out some. On the right side was the entrance to the kitchen. On the left going forward took her to the living room. Immediately to her left were the stairs down to Tony's area of the mansion. His workshop, garage, armories, and other rooms were off that hall. The motion-sensored lights turned on as she entered the kitchen. They were particularly glaring in the absence of any natural light. A furtive look over her shoulder came before she quietly pulled a mug out of the cabinet and set it next to the coffee maker. When she heard Tony open their bedroom door, Loki's shoulders drooped.
Drifting somewhere in between waking and dreaming made it obvious that Tony was alone in bed. That needed to be remedied, so out he went to find his wife. The pajama pants that were the only thing he was wearing were low slung on his hips. He stalked down the hallway towards the kitchen with an almost predatory look on his face. "Loki," he called quietly. Tony walked into the kitchen and immediately went to her.
.-.-.-.
"Wow," Bruce stared at his friend of many years. Seeing how Tony gained several inches and shed several years was weird enough. Seeing how Tony looked fit enough to bench press the Hulk unnerved him even more. He'd always thought of Tony as a lab rat, not a gym rat. "Tony looks …," he wasn't sure else what to say.
"Built?" Clint supplied. "Bigger, stronger, younger. Thor, you're sure you don't know what did that?" Not only was Tony's appearance bizarre, but Lilith's reaction was equally bizarre. For some reason, she seemed nervous. Considering what he'd just seen, her nervousness made him just a little angry. It only made his earlier concern about her being mixed up with the wrong kind of man reappear. Not that he wanted to think poorly of Tony. He and Tony were friends. That didn't mean that he ignored how his friend had always had problems with women. Those were problems that he didn't want Lilith getting tangled up in. A small and petty part of his mind reasserted itself to remind him that this was Loki, and he shouldn't care. Clint was still having a very hard time listening to that part of himself.
"I don't know," Thor watched Stark. Clint was right. Stark did look Asgardian. What did Loki do to you? He looked suspiciously at Loki's reaction to Stark. And why is Loki shrinking from you?
At first their surprise at Anthony's appearance didn't bother Frey. He understood that Anthony wore a glamour on Midgard to keep secret that he'd come into his powers. However, he knew that this was what Anthony looked like when they first met. They met before Anthony came into his own. This is the first they've seen of Anthony without his glamour, and they deal with him constantly. They have for years. That thought prickled at his mind. If Anthony looked like this when we met, but they didn't know, he must have been wearing a glamour then as well. Frey's face stayed calm as a healthy dose of unease snaked through his thoughts. Was Anthony coming into his power his second transformation?! It had to have been, but I still need to know what happened. He already knew that Loki was deeply involved. She was always more deeply involved then she was willing to admit to. He had trained her well.
"Where's the arc reactor?" Pepper asked. Tony's chest was noticeably missing the arc reactor. In its place was a strange orange tinged scar. It looked like someone tried to rip his heart out.
"Maybe it went when he changed," Bruce supposed. I need to sit Tony down and have him explain all of this.
What is the arc reactor though? Frey wondered if Anthony would ever get around to showing him the arc reactor. All his nephew-by-law ever said was that it was power source for his armors and machines. He was always so uncomfortable when talking about the scar and the arc reactor. Loki only giggled and gave him a wicked look. The scar on Anthony's chest bothered him when he first saw it. He hadn't wished to risk Loki's life should Anthony die suddenly from a poorly healed wound. Loki managed to convince Anthony to consent to a single Heal Mistress looking him over, although he was still quite nervous in the Soul Forge. When the young healer went to see if there was anything else that might need tending to, Anthony got out quickly. The nervousness in his seidr was quite loud. His Heal Mistress assured Frey that Anthony was well enough. There was strange scarring in his chest from some terrible wound, but everything was healed and functioning. It was one event among many that'd turned him and Anthony from simple allies into friends. When Anthony wasn't comfortable speaking on it, he hadn't pushed. He was curious enough about it, but not curious enough to push. He had his own scars that he didn't wish to recount the tales of how he acquired. Anthony was well, and how he acquired a battle scar seemed of little importance. It was always a passing curiosity for him. Why did Loki always have a wickedly proud look in her eyes when it was mentioned? Frey didn't worry, he had time to get to know Anthony. He would take his time, only pushing when he needed to.
.-.-.-.
Wrapping his arms around Loki, Tony pressed himself against her. He was still aroused from their last round of love making. His nerves were lit up and tingling. When he was pressed comfortably to her, he pressed little kisses to the side of her neck while running his hands over her hips. "I love you, Loki," he purred. His fingers pressed into her hips and pulled her back into him. Her little gasp pleased him. His seidr pulsed out to dance along her skin and light up her eyes. He could smell the tantalizing scent of her seidr wafting up from her skin.
"Tony, please," Loki tried to move away.
He spun Loki around pressed a knee between her legs. Tony ground his hips against hers while his hands wondered over her skin. His breath was already quickening with anticipation. He felt drunk on the taste of her skin. His body was already beginning to draw seidr up from her skin to radiate it back.
"Tony, please. I'm tired, I'm sore." Loki gently pushed at his shoulders.
At the word 'sore', Tony immediately stopped and stepped back. "You're sore? Really?" Hopeful anticipation sprung up in him. It drained the arousal away almost instantly.
"Yes, I am," She said. Loki placed a hand on the side of his face. "Just give me a little bit, and I'll be ready again, I promise."
"But you're sore," Tony said. He broke out in a broad grin. "Check."
"Tony, I just want a cup of coffee, and some rest," Loki protested.
"We'll rest, but check first," Tony said. He looked down at her belly hopefully. "Come on, check."
"Coffee first," Loki smiled indulgently up at him.
Turning her back around gently, Tony gave her a soft hug. He took her hands and placed them over her belly. His hands rested on top of hers. "Please, babe. Check for me? Please, I'm not as fast as you are with Healing Spells. I have to know now!"
Leaning back into him, Loki turned her head so that she could look up at him, "Tony, you have nine already."
"That doesn't mean I'm less excited! Check, come on, do it. Check," Tony said. "Check, check, check," he started chanting.
Amusement filled Loki's thoughts at Tony's silliness. She looked down and closed her eyes. Her seidr uncurled from her core inwards. It was simple enough to compose a minor Healing Spell. It only took a moment to orient herself to it as it covered her. The spell allowed her to check each of her bodily functions. Through the spell, she was able to view her own womb. She could see the tiny life resting there. She covered her child in her seidr and felt the tiny flare of responding seidr. Overwhelming love and a touch of sorrow blossomed within her. Hello little one. Loki withdrew the spell and curled her seidr back. She opened her eyes, turned her head, and looked up at him again. "I'm afraid you'll have another child within the year," she said softly.
Joy exploded in Tony's mind causing him to curl further around her, holding her tightly and rocking gently. Excitement flowed through him. He had an deeply happy grin on his face. "I'm going to be a dad! Thank you, babe. I'm so happy!" he said softly. Then he processed all of what she said. "Wait, what do you mean you're afraid? Aren't you happy?" he was stopped by the thought that she didn't want more kids with him.
"I thought you didn't want more children," Loki sighed.
Despite his excitement Tony frowned. He turned her so that they were facing. "What would make you think I don't want more kids?" he couldn't think of a single time when he'd said anything like that. That was the exact opposite of what he felt.
"Tony, I haven't missed how worried you are every time I'm with-child. Ever since the triplets you've been terrified, every time," Loki chided him.
She doesn't understand. Tony reached out and took her hands is his. He raised them to his lips and pressed a kiss to the back of each of her hands. He held them, not letting her go. "Loki, I want you to listen to me very carefully. I love our kids, all of them. I love that your willing to have kids with me, because I know what kind of man I am." I'm a Stark, we're monsters. "I love you more than anyone, more than anything. I love you. I won't lie and say that what happened with the triplets didn't scare the hell out of me, it did. But I also found something very important during that time. It was something Edward showed me." It was something that he and his son had kept for themselves, though not intentionally. It was time for her to know.
"Edward?" Loki asked. But he was so little. She stopped before she got much farther into that thought. Age and size didn't matter to their first born. He would be a great man. He was worth the work to make him great. I want to see him grown! Loki shoved that grief filled thought out of her mind. There was no stopping it. No amount of wishing was going to undo what she'd set in motion. She wasn't going to meet the perfect young man her son would grow into. She wasn't going to get to see any of her beautiful children grown. It didn't stop her from having them. Loki was determined to leave Tony with more than just memories before she left him.
"In the days leading up to Frey helping us, things were bad," Tony was uncomfortable at the memory. "They were really bad. It wasn't as bad as the dark days, but it was getting there quickly. When things started failing, it all happened too fast for me to do anything about. Even Rhodey could only slow it down."
.-.-.-.
The memory of his first time coming to their home was still sharp in Frey's mind. He remembered being shocked to his very core by what he found there. The condition he found them in that day was what prompted him to push for them visiting more often. It also led him to convince Anthony to bring Loki to Vanaheim every time she was with-child. Anthony agreed readily, as did Loki. Frey agreed with Anthony, those were bad days. He wished that they would tell him what the dark days were, but they absolutely refused to speak of them. Frey still couldn't imagine a time worse in Loki's new life than those days. It was particularly hard to imagine since the dark days were Anthony curing Loki's Void Sickness. No matter how poorly conducted a healing, it was still a healing. What happened with the triplets only involved healing after he got them home. It was healing done by his own hands. There was still a biting fear in his memories. If he'd been only a day later Loki would've perished, and his grandsons with her.
Anthony had Frigga and Odin's attention, as well as Thor's as far as Frey could see. He could tell that his sister wasn't fond of Anthony. He'd only come to appreciate the Midgardian with time, patience, and a few ales. Anthony was a loving and patient father. He was a fiercely devoted husband. No matter what he did, he never failed to put his wife and children first. That impressed Frey greatly. For all his flaws, he found Anthony to be a fine spouse for his beloved niece. Now he welcomed Anthony with open arms. He hoped someday that Frigga might have the opportunity to come to know Anthony and his children as Frey had come to know them. Though he sorely doubted it as a possibility, he hoped for it anyway.
Even though she didn't want to listen Pepper couldn't help but pay attention to Tony. She didn't want to hear any of this. Her former lover was doing something that she hadn't thought she would ever see him do. It was something that she thought it would take a licensed psychiatrist years to accomplish. Tony was talking about his feelings openly. With years passed of denying that he even had them, there they were. There was a bitter jealously in knowing that it wasn't her that they were being given to.
.-.-.-.
"I remember," Loki said. She remembered waking up in Vanaheim just days before the birth of her children. It was a rough few days, and an even rougher birthing. She didn't know how they got to Vanaheim, but she was grateful to be in Frey's care. James was involved, he didn't mention that.
"No, you don't. You were comatose. You had been for a month. I didn't know how to use any Healing Magics. The rose tank and nimp only got us so far. I was just standing around watching you slip away, watching all four of you slip away. I wanted to go to Frey from the moment you collapsed, but he was on another planet. I couldn't just pick up the phone and call him," Tony said. He hated the memories of those days, but he pressed on anyway. He wanted her to understand not only what his values were but why they were. "You were in the rose tank all day. You couldn't come out, not even for a minute. I couldn't risk it. You were so close, but you were still so far away from me." He looked down at the floor. It was hard to think of how close he'd come to losing her again. When he looked up again the memory of fear was in his eyes.
"It was like the dark days. Every day I thought, 'Is this the day she dies?' I couldn't stop thinking it. Instead of you I had an overriding fear of losing you. I gave in to that fear. Anything that wasn't a solution to save your life wasn't important," Tony said quietly. Bowing to the fear was still humiliating, but how it drove him to treat his son was worse. The entire thing still caused feelings of shame and remorse. His baby deserved better from him than he'd gotten. "That included Edward. I barely noticed him during that month. I fed him, bathed him, but that was about it. I stopped being a parent. Rhodey took better care of him than I did. Rhodey took better care of all of us than I did because I stopped doing anything but catering to the fear," Tony shook his head at the memory. "More than anything, I stopped seeing what was in front of me. I could only see what I thought was coming; you dying." Dealing with deep emotions wasn't his specialty, particularly if they dealt with stressful events. For love of his wife and the fantastic children she gave him, he could do it.
.-.-.-.
It was as if Thor was listening to himself describe the fear he felt as a child when Loki was still so unwell, so he listened carefully. Viewing the omnipresent anxiety and fear from a new perspective was enlightening and uncomfortable at the same time. He was grateful at least that Colonel Rhodes and his Uncle Frey handled the situation. He still wanted to know what happened, and the details of how it was handled. It sounded awful, which made him very uncomfortable. If Loki's life was in danger again then Thor was very much interested in how it was handled. That his Little Brother's life was in constant danger for years on end distressed him greatly.
Knowing that Loki's life was in danger again made Frigga very uncomfortable. It was even more distressing that this involved her grandchildren. It was difficult to balance her joy at having grandchildren with the obvious reality that Loki truly wasn't healthy enough to have those children. Her mind drifted over the ways someone with a seidr core could carry a child when they ought not to be able to. None of those methods were supposed to be so taxing on the body. Frigga's thoughts drifted back to what her husband and brother mentioned. Braettpar. Then she wondered if Loki had used any of those methods. Looking over the feminine face on the screen, her son's face, she wondered if it was a mask. Odin didn't seem to think it was, neither did Frey. Frustration crept through her thoughts. There was still so much she didn't know about her own child's health. Frey still had those answers.
Discovering that Loki collapsed when he was with-child was slightly alarming to Odin. While he still wasn't certain that he could accept that this was genuinely a part of his son, he definitely wasn't willing to accept Loki and his grandchildren's lives being in danger. It was odd to worry over what illness might have sickened Loki without worrying over how it ended up being handled. Once again Rhodes handled it then handed it off to Frey to handle it. He knew it was handled well. It would be discussed when he discussed Loki's health with Frey. That was a discussion for later. It was more than likely going to be a long and probably awkward one. What Odin found himself presently irritated by was Stark neglecting his grandson and handing him off to someone else. Even handing the boy off to someone honorable but who wasn't family wasn't acceptable. At least my grandson had Rhodes. It was irresponsible, and he disliked Stark having done it. Truly, he just disliked Stark.
Rhodes played a large part in this as well? He was caring for Anthony and Edward. Loki as well perhaps? It was in character with what he'd seen. While it made Frey happy it also made him wary. Anthony was unwell when he came to their home. Considering what he'd already seen he didn't think Rhodes would allow his nephew-by-law to sicken without doing something about it. If what I found had Rhodes' attention then how strained did things become?
Tony was talking about emotions. Steve was very surprised by what he was seeing. Tony was talking about his own emotions in terms that weren't sarcastic or dismissive. While Steve didn't ascribe to the modern notion that men needed to bare their souls publicly, or even that therapists were always a good idea, he did feel that a man should at least acknowledge that he had them. That wasn't such a bad idea. Tony refused to even admit that he had emotions and Steve honestly thought that wouldn't change in his lifetime. It gave him the impression that he was watching a more mature man than the one he knew.
It's about time. It was, in Bruce's opinion, time for Tony to start dealing with his own emotions in a non-alcoholic fashion. He smiled at the scene before him. He smirked a little as he thought, I knew he had more than machine parts.
.-.-.-.
"Oh, Love. I'm so sorry," Loki whispered. He never told her exactly what happened, nor did he mention that James was involved. When he'd said, "I took care of it," she hadn't asked any questions. She trusted him enough to know that he would make things better. His methods weren't always the best, but he always made things better. She didn't ask how. Loki regretted that decision now.
"It wasn't your fault. It was mine," Tony shook his head again, "I gave into fear and ignored what was important. I shouldn't have. That's what Edward showed me." Love and his pride in his young son chased away the memory of that fear. "I was working in my shop late that night. I didn't get much done because I was scared and angry. All I could think was that I was losing you and it wasn't fair. After everything we'd faced, everything we'd overcome, after surviving the dark days, I was going to lose you anyway. Nothing I did mattered, and it was all my fault. I'm the one that got you pregnant, and that was what was killing you." Tony leaned in a little closer, putting his hand on the side of her face and a small kiss on her lips. "I want forever with you," he said softly, then pulled back just a little. "I could see that slipping away and it terrified me. It made me so goddamn angry that I didn't notice."
"Notice what?" Loki asked. She wondered if it was added to his anger or if he moved past this one thing. It sounded like he'd moved on, but she could never be sure with him. His anger was sometimes more powerful than he was.
"Edward. He was standing next to me, waiting for me again. I was so stupid that our baby boy was able to point it out to me," Tony shook his head again. "He startled me when he pulled on my shirt. You know, Jarvis still can't account for how he got out of his crib and came downstairs into my workshop. But there he was. I meant to take him back to his crib when I picked him up, but he put his little hands on my face and he said," Tony stopped to swallow down the lump that was forming in his throat. "He said, 'No sad, Dada. I here, Dada. Mama here'."
Little tears in shone in Tony's eyes, but his smile was bright and filled with love. "I could hear what he was trying to tell me; that you were both still with me. I was so scared of what might have been that I stopped seeing what was in front of me! He came down to remind me of that. That wasn't all he did that night. When we got to the rose tank, Frey was standing next to it. Edward brought him here, not me. I know you think Edward is my favorite because he's our first, but that's not it. He saved all of us that day. I'm grateful to him. I always will be." I'm grateful for my perfect son.
.-.-.-.
Frigga wondered what Stark meant that the boy brought Frey there. He somehow called for aid? Perhaps he accidentally activated the portal stone? Loki was more than powerful enough to activate a portal stone when he was that age. That one of Loki's children might be that powerful didn't surprise her. However it happened didn't matter so much. As long as Loki received aid, that was what mattered. Frigga knew her brother saw seen to Loki's health and the health of the babies with his own hands. Frey always took the time to see to family personally. Before she spoke with him on Loki's health and what all happened, Frigga wanted to thank him for his constant care of Loki and apologize for saying such nasty things to him. Her brother had done so very much for her. He was owed her gratitude and would get it.
The babe brought Frey there? Odin wondered how a babe might have activated a portal stone but didn't put it past one of Loki's children to be able to do so. It was less irritating to be grateful to Frey again for his constant care of Loki. Truly, it only furthered his own disappointment in himself that he was so irritated with a man who was his family. He wondered suddenly if he was only irritated with Frey because it was what they were accustomed to doing. They'd spent around two thousand years being irritated with one another. It was as natural to Odin to be irritated with Frey as it was to think of Loki as his son. In his mind, he could see the small, gilded sword pin that Frey gave him so long ago. It was the enduring promise of family. He couldn't deny that Frey kept his promise. He wondered also, how well he'd done at being family to Frey, and to Loki.
What she was seeing caused Natasha to arch an eyebrow. What she was seeing was something she hadn't thought possible outside of a professional psychiatrist's office accompanying a long course of medicine. Stark was not only willingly admitting that he had emotions but was dealing with them honestly. The trust and intimacy it implied were extensive. This was far more extensive than anything she'd seen between Pepper and Stark. King Frey said that Stark isn't being controlled, which means this is voluntary. That's interesting.
Surprise widened Clint's eyes. Part of him wanted to know what happened to Lilith. That was a part of him that he was struggling with. Instead of struggling with that he latched onto the shock of Tony talking about his own emotions without alcohol involved. Tony Stark and emotions went together like magnesium and water. An odd uncomfortable little smile quirked the edge of his mouth. I'm not the only one who trusted Lilith with their emotions.
.-.-.-.
The warm love flowing from her husband's seidr was worth reveling in to Loki. It was wonderful to feel, so much better than the perpetual burn of rage or the odd images of insectoid machines that he never got around to building.
"Every day after that, I've remembered to see what's in front of me, to see what's important. Do you want to know what I see? Treasures all around me. Edward, then Bjorn, Aren and Erik, Hunter, and Forrest, Adara and Edana, Jay. They're all treasures to me. Each one priceless beyond measure. I could have nothing to my name and you've still made me the wealthiest man on the planet," he leaned forward to kiss her gently. "Maybe I'm greedy. Hell, I know I am. I won't deny that, but if you want to make me an even wealthier man, I'm not going to complain. Every child you give me is a gift. I know that, and I'm grateful."
"But you're so," Loki started.
"Worried?" he interrupted. "Yeah, that's never going to stop. You and pregnancy don't mix well, so I worry. That doesn't mean I don't want our kids, or more kids. It just means that I worry," Tony leaned in closer to her, "Do you know what time it is?"
"Coffee time?" Loki chuckled softly.
"Nope. No coffee." Tony scooped Loki up into his arms, "You need sleep, several hours at least." He kissed her gently. "I'll make a honey truffle smoothie for you after you've had some sleep." He turned and carried her back to their bedroom.
.-.-.-.
Bjorn?! Thor knew that name. It was one of the names that the mortals of Midgard once knew him by. He knew his Little Brother knew it as well. It couldn't be a coincidence, not with Loki. A small grin touched his lips. Little Brother, did you do what I think you did? Why would you do that? A bigger grin stretched across his face as a tingly warmth filled him for a moment. Is it possible that you still truly care? Please say it's so.
A gentle smile touched Frey's lips. The honey truffle smoothies were something that he had to obtain instructions on how to make, and then have relayed to his kitchen staff. Whenever Loki came to visit him and was with-child, those were kept on hand. The honey was readily available on Vanaheim, but Anthony had to supply the truffles at first. They were little, black, disgusting smelling mushrooms. It didn't surprise him in the least that a Jotunn would want them. Anthony still had to supply the yogurt since it was exclusively a Midgardian food. His kitchen staff now kept a small garden to grow the truffles in, so the smoothies could be made readily. When they were on Midgard, Anthony made them for Loki himself. He was wonderful for Frey's beloved niece. Anthony was a good man and Frey was grateful to have him as family.
None of this was surprising to Hogun. Despite how he tried to make it seem like a much less intimate relationship, it was always clear how much affection Stark held for 'Lilith'. The pushing and pulling at the Prince bothered Hogun, but Prince Loki did seem to be happy at least. It wasn't his place to naysay Stark's actions if Prince Loki himself accepted them.
It should've been me, Pepper thought bitterly. She looked away again. She could feel the last of her hopes for a future with Tony dying as she'd continued to listen. She'd known he was pulling away from her for years. It was her own fault for breaking off their relationship. After Tony was rescued from Afghanistan she was concerned for him. His constant nightmares and vacant stares were worrisome. When he flew a nuclear bomb through an alien portal she was scared for him. He wouldn't get help for the nightmares or heavy drinking. That made her angry. The law straw was when Tony chased Loki into a collapsing building and was nearly killed. That wasn't how she wanted to live her life. "You won't get help and I'm not going to watch you destroy yourself," she yelled at him on the way out the door. Tony withdrew then, withdrew from everyone.
The reason that Tony withdrew was Loki. Pepper let go and Loki took her place. A few years later he came out of isolation. He started taking part in the company again, doing work with the Avengers and interacting with more people. She told herself that things could go back to the way they'd been. If she could just be there for him, then he would see that she still loved him. He would come back. Tony never did come back. Pepper finally knew why.
