Alternate Ending Chapter Two: She Made Sure They Knew
Sometimes when she's doing laundry, Shelby grabs a couple items from Rachel's room to mix in with her own. It's stupid, she knows. Pointless. But when she's folding the clean laundry and makes a separate pile for Rachel's clothes, she can pretend. Just for a minute. She ascends the stairs with her laundry basket and places it on her bed. When she gets to Rachel's pile, she smiles softly and carries them into her daughter's room. She hums while returning the items to their rightful places. Until she's finished. Once everything is put away and she is forced to notice that the room is empty and nothing has moved unless she herself moved it, the humming stops and the tears begin. And yet, she can't make herself stop doing this.
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Finn didn't want to come. Why would he want to come to Junior Prom when his girlfriend is dead? He doesn't want to be here. But his friends insisted, so here he is. He's even wearing a tux, though he refused to pose for pictures alone. Because he shouldn't be alone. He should be getting photos taken of him and Rachel. Since that's not possible, he refused. He did agree to be in group photos, though. At the moment he's slouched down in a seat at his table. His friends are up dancing. Puck had been sitting next to him but got up to get them drinks. He's startled when someone sits next to him.
"Hi, Finn." A redhead smiles at him sweetly. Julie or Julia or something. He never cared enough to learn her name.
"Hey." He looks away, his eyes going back to watching his friends dance with their significant others with barely concealed envy. What he wouldn't give to be dancing with his girl…..but he'll never dance with her again. His eyes sting. A hand rests on his. His eyes jump to the girl's.
"You seem lonely. Why don't we dance? And we can talk." Her fingers lightly graze along the back of his hand. He pulls his hand away.
"No thanks."
"Come on, Finn. You're here at Junior Prom! The whole point of this is to dance!"
"I don't feel like it."
Her mouth forms an ugly grimace for a mere second before she puts her 'supportive' smile back on. "I think you'd feel better if you actually danced. Did something fun."
"Julia—"
"Julie."
"Whatever. I'm not in the mood. Why don't you go dance with your date?"
She huffs. "He got drunk and threw up. So it looks like we're both dateless." Finn flinches, then glowers at her. She knows damn well why he's dateless. She recoils. "I'm sorry. I didn't meant that to sound…look, we're both here, we're both unhappy, we might as well make the best of it and dance together."
"You're unhappy and dateless because your date did something stupid. My situation is a little different."
"I know that! I'm trying to help cheer you up! She's been dead for months, Finn. You need to move on. She'd want you to—"
He abruptly stands, glowering down at her. "You didn't know her well enough to know what she'd want. But I know what I don't want. I don't want you anywhere near me."
He stalks away. He feels someone right behind him and he prays it isn't her. He doesn't really want to hit a chick, but he has limits. But then he notices the steps are too heavy to be her. Good. He makes it outside and sucks in several deep breaths of fresh air.
"You alright, man?" Puck asks.
"No."
"I'm sorry, dude."
Finn just nods. They sit against the school and stare out into the parking lot. After a moment, Puck reaches into his jacket and pulls out a flask. He takes a swig, then hands it to Finn. Frowning, Finn accepts it. He hesitates.
"Rachel would kick my ass for even considering this." He says quietly.
Puck smirks. "Dude, just drink it."
Finn does. "Is this…..iced tea?"
Puck chuckles. "Yeah. I was about to fill it with vodka, but…I started hearing Rachel in my ear, reprimanding me for being stupid and reckless. Chastising me for destroying my few remaining brain cells with alcohol."
Finn laughs. "Yeah. That sounds like her." He takes another sip. "I miss her, Puck."
He hides his tears with a cough. Puck doesn't speak, but he claps a hand on Finn's back. The door next to them opens and Sam and Mike come out. For the short time the door was open, the boys could hear muffled screaming coming from within the school. Finn and Puck look up in alarm.
"What's going on?"
The newcomers grin. "Santana and Quinn are giving Julie what she deserves. And she's not too happy about it."
"That bitch has had you in her sights all year. She's always been jealous of Rachel."
Finn smirks. Sam opens the door a smidge and pokes his head in. When he looks back at them, he pushes the door fully open. "Sounds like she's gone. We should get back inside."
"Not me. I think I'm gonna head home." Finn admits, standing.
The other guys grab his arms. "Not yet. We heard a rumor about something and if its true, you should be there. Let's head in."
"No matter what, you need to stay until they crown kind and queen. Quinn and Santana are both up for queen, after all. We should support them." Mike encourages.
Hesitantly, Finn follows them inside and the boys join the crowd. The president of the prom committee, Jessica, steps to the podium.
"It's time to announce the Junior Prom king and queen!"
The crowd cheers eagerly. Finn's eyes go to his friends up on the stage. Santana and Quinn are giving each other small smiles.
"The prom king is…..David Karofsky!"
The class cheers and applaud. Karofsky struts forward with a smirk and accepts his crown. Finn is happy for his friend. Karofsky really has been a good friend to them this year.
"So, um, I've already read off the names of the candidates for prom queen and those ladies are here on stage with me. But there's one name that was left off. You see, Rachel Berry was nominated for prom queen…posthumously."
Finn's stomach flips and he can feel himself pale. Sam grips his shoulder.
"I understand that one of her nicknames from family and friends was 'princess'. As she fought Danton's Aplastic Anemia for over a year, she kept her head up and focused on making sure her loved ones were doing okay. She was…..an incredible singer, a wonderful friend, and a very worthy queen. The committee awards the crown posthumously to Rachel Berry."
The room blurs and he breathes harshly. But he's smiling. Rachel would have been thrilled to be nominated. He listens to his classmates applaud, some nonchalantly, some with sad smiles. He looks to Quinn and Santana. The two girls are holding hands and crying, but smiling. They're also looking at him. He nods shakily at them.
"We do need to actually put the crown on someone, though, and the king needs to dance with his queen. So, we will declare our runner up as the stand-in queen. Quinn Fabray."
Quinn starts crying harder. She hugs Santana, then takes the hand David Karofsky is holding out to her. They dance slowly for a few minutes until the others join in. For a moment, Finn daydreams about dancing with his queen. When he feels a warm tear roll down his cheek, he leaves.
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It's a bright morning. The sun shines merrily through her bedroom window. Birds chip a cheerful tune. Shelby already hates it. She rolls away from it, but knows she can't avoid it forever. She buries her face in her already damp pillow. Mother's Day. She shudders. Fuck this day. As much as she'd like to, she can't stay in bed. There's no way she'll be able to fall back asleep. Besides, she already knows she won't be allowed to spend today alone, despite her wishes. With sluggish movements, she pushes herself off the bed and gets dressed. She pulls her hair up into a sloppy bun and trudges out of her room. She keeps her eyes firmly away from Rachel's open bedroom door. She can't see it. Not today.
She pours herself a cup of coffee and sits alone at her kitchen table in a silent house. The clock in the living room ticks away the seconds. Birds outside chirp a cheery tune. Sunlight pours in through the window, lighting up the flowers on her windowsill. Shelby is immune to all of it. When she'd read about parents dealing with losing a child, she hadn't thought they'd been literal when they'd described periods of time when the world lost its color. The world is dull. But she keeps going because to not carry on would be an insult to her daughter's memory. The doorbell pulls her from her thoughts. She considers ignoring it. The second time it chimes, it rattles her brain. With an irritated sigh, she gets up to face the inevitable. Kurt and Finn are standing on her front porch. These two boys have been over once in a while in the past several months, whether to sit in Rachel's room alone or come talk to Shelby. She hadn't expected them today.
"I figured you guys would be spending today with Carole." She says by way of greeting.
They nod. "We will. Later. We have something else to do first."
"A promise to fulfill." Kurt shifts awkwardly. "Can we come in? We won't stay long."
That's when she realizes they're holding boxes. Shelby steps back, letting them enter. They carry their cargo to the kitchen table and begin unpacking. They work together, setting out a container of scrambled eggs, a bowl of fruit salad, and a platter of French toast. While Kurt arranges syrup and butter on the table, Finn jogs out to the car and returns with a bouquet of flowers.
"Boys, this is very sweet, but you didn't have to—"
"Wait." Kurt leads her to the table and sits next to her, holding her hand. "Aunt Shelby, for the past year you've been like a mother to me. I love you and want to acknowledge your importance in my life. So, yes, a little of this is from me."
She hugs him tight. When they pull back, she frowns. "A little? So who is the rest of it from?"
Finn turns the bouquet so she can see the tag. "Happy Mother's Day, Mom"
She sucks in a ragged gasp, her heart racing.
"Rachel wanted to make sure you got at least one more Mother's Day celebration from her." Tears are already streaming down her cheeks. Finn is looking down at the table top, his fingers running along the threading on the placemat in front of him. "She knew she probably wouldn't be here for it, so she made arrangements and asked us to carry them out. This is from her."
Shelby puts a hand over her mouth, trying to hold back her sobs. She's not sure how she feels. But it hurts. She's not sure if it's a good hurt or a bad hurt just yet.
"She also didn't want you to spend today alone, so she got others involved as well."
She turns when more people enter her kitchen. Her parents silently join them at the table.
Finn puts a box on the end of the table. "This is from her, too."
Kurt places a thumb drive on the table in front of her. "That's your gift from her, but this is your real Mother's Day gift. She recorded a message for you. It's the only thing on here. You just have to plug it into a computer and play it. Whenever you're ready."
Shelby's fingers rest lightly on the small plastic device. She knows she's not ready. Not yet. But until she is ready to hear her daughter's message, she will guard this thumb drive with her life. When the boys stand to depart, she rises as well and hugs both of them fiercely, thanking them.
"She knew today would be hard, Aunt Shelby. But she didn't want you to not celebrate it."
They leave and Shelby stares at the food.
"Rachel wanted you to eat it and enjoy it, not just look at it." Her father gently chides her.
Knowing he's right, she fills a plate with food and starts eating. "I know she didn't cook this, so how….."
Her mother smiles. "Rachel placed an order ahead of time at a diner nearby. She had Burt take her there one day when she was stage 4. She made her selections from the menu and arranged for Kurt to pick it up today."
"She paid for this?"
Her parents chortle. "No. She and Burt were arguing about payment when the manager interrupted them. Rachel wanted to pay since it was her idea and from her. Burt didn't want her paying for it, but got upset when Rachel pointed out that if she died, she wouldn't need the money anyway. The manager thought it was very thoughtful and sweet that Rachel was thinking this far ahead to make sure you had a nice Mother's Day. So, he said that if she died, it'd be free. She could give some cash to Kurt and he'd use it to tip the workers today, but that's it. If she survived and decided to go ahead with this order anyway, then Burt could pay for it. They all shook on it. Kurt went there last week to officially place the order."
"And the flowers?"
"Same deal. The florist ended up insisting you get the flowers for free either way."
Shelby looks at the small card sticking out. Hesitantly, she pulls it out. The back was just a simple "Love, Rachel" but she still cherishes it. Her mom slides the box closer to her. There's a card on top.
"We're not leaving. We're going to spend the night," Her mother continues, ignoring the look she gives her, "but if you'd like some privacy while reading the card and opening the gift, we can go sit outside."
Shelby thinks about it. "No, you guys stay here. I'm going to go sit on the back patio. I'll come back in when I'm ready."
She settles on the bench on her back patio. It really is a beautiful morning. She takes a few moments to just breathe. When she's as ready as she's going to get, she opens the box. Inside is a beautiful picture frame. In the frame is a picture of Shelby and Rachel. Rachel is sitting on Shelby's lap with her arms around her. Shelby has her own arms around her daughter, holding her close. Mother and daughter are smiling bright, the picture was snapped mid-laugh. Tears jump to Shelby's eyes. Her fingers lightly trace Rachel's face in the photo. She tries to estimate when this was taken. She'd guess late stage 2, maybe early stage 3. Probably some time in September. After a few minutes of gazing longingly at the photo, she manages to put it down and opens the card.
Mom,
Happy Mother's Day! I wish I was there to celebrate with you, but I hope you're celebrating anyway. You deserve to be celebrated. You are the best mom I could have asked for. And I spent most of my childhood wishing for a mom. You ended up being better than I could have ever imagined. I know it hasn't been easy being a mother to a sick kid, but you always put me first and made sure I was okay and that I knew I was loved. I hope you know that you being there for me made it a lot easier on me.
Thank you for being my mom. For that alone, I was lucky.
Love,
Rachel
Shelby lets the card slip from her fingers and rest on her lap. She looks out at the blue sky and lets the wind dry her tears.
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They didn't win Nationals, but they placed. The kids hadn't even wanted to go. Rachel hadn't made them promise. Mr. Schuester and Coach Sylvester sat them down and they talked about whether to go through with Nationals or not. It ended up being a long, heated, emotional discussion that took place multiple times over several days. In the end, they decided to go for it and do their best. And just hope Rachel will forgive them for not being at their best. They came in third, which was impressive. They were satisfied with that. They hoped Rachel was, too. Shelby hadn't wanted to go, but she also wanted to support Kurt and the other kids. So she went. It was hard for her to watch them perform without Rachel, but she also knew Rachel would be proud of them. She was proud of them and made sure to tell them that. On the flight home, Kurt sat with Shelby and they talked about the performance; their strengths and weaknesses, and how to improve. Shelby let the boy get to the point where he could ask his real question.
"Aunt Shelby? Do you think Rachel would be upset we didn't win? Or upset that we performed without her?"
Shelby took his hand and squeezed it warmly. "No. You guys did a fantastic job and came in third. That's impressive! She'd….she'd have been proud of you. And she would absolutely not be upset about you performing without her." Shelby's smile turns watery. "Would she be jealous and wishing she was performing? Yes. Absolutely. But upset with you for performing without her? No. Never."
He sank into her hug.
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Shelby opened the benefit, but only spoke briefly. She thanked everyone for coming, then introduced the doctors. She let Dr. Morgan and Dr. Reed explain Aplastic Anemia, as well as the Danton's variation. When they finished, Will Schuester took over.
"Last year was the first time we held this benefit. The purpose was to raise awareness of aplastic anemia and money for a cure. For anyone who has or may one day get aplastic anemia. But for us, our purpose was to help raise money for a cure….for Rachel." He swipes his hand across his mouth. "She, uh…..Rachel died four months ago, at the age of 16. The cure will no longer help her. But once she hit stage four, she asked her friends to hold the benefit again this year; with or without her. She wanted to make sure no one else has to go through what she went through and what we went through while supporting her. So, now, this benefit is still to raise awareness of AA and money for a cure. But now we do it in memory of Rachel Berry."
Shelby's parents have their arms around her in silent support. She's doing better with talking about Rachel and listening to people talk about Rachel, but it's still hard. And she still hasn't managed to watch the recording Rachel left her for Mother's Day. Not yet. It will sit there waiting until she is ready.
This year, Shelby refuses to sing. She was going to. She had her song planned out. But this morning she woke up and knew she wouldn't be able to make it through the song. Or any song. It'll be hard enough for her to listen to the kids sing. They do a fantastic job. They keep majority of their songs upbeat and hopeful. Positive. Only the occasional sad song slips through. She applauds all the kids, whether they're from the New Directions, Vocal Adrenaline, or the Warblers. She can tell it was really hard for them to sing "We Are Young" but they managed it. Those who know its significance tear up during it. She and Will had discussed it and felt they'd be more likely to get more donations if they saw how hard it was for Rachel. They discussed showing pictures and videos in chronological order, showing her decline. Shelby agreed it'd probably be helpful. But when she actually started gathering the images, she broke down. It was just too hard for her. Will offered to do it himself, or get Artie or someone to help out. Shelby declined, insisting that when she does it, she'll do it. Just….not this year. It's too soon and too hard. They talked about it some more and decided the fact that she just died a few months ago should be enough to pull in more donations. Next year or the year after they'll create a story video of pictures and videos showing Rachel's decline and struggle.
And then a screen is lowered down and a light shines on it. Shelby tenses, knowing what this probably means. She's not sure how she feels about it. Excited? Nervous? Hurt? Upset? Scott intertwines his fingers with hers in silent support. As she both hoped and feared, her daughter's smiling face fills the screen.
"You really thought I wouldn't find a way to sing at this benefit? Really?" The audience titters and applauds. "If that's the case, then you either don't know me very well or seriously underestimate me."
Rachel looks off screen. "Would it be 'don't' know me or 'didn't' know me?" She shrugs. "God, that's weird. Oh, well. That's not what matters. What matters is that this is the second annual benefit and it sucks I'm not there for it. But, I'm not about to let a little thing like being dead stop me from singing. Please."
A laugh bubbles out of Shelby almost unwillingly. Yes, that's Rachel. Stubborn to the end and determined to sing whenever she can. Could. Her thoughts come to a halt. Whenever she could. Her jaw clenches. Using the correct tense when talking about Rachel has been a challenge. She watches the screen eagerly as her daughter backs away from the camera so that her entire body can be seen. She's standing on her own, so this must have been recorded early stage 4. Unless she would have recorded this even before then? Stage 3? Would she have planned for this possibility that far in advance? Shelby is determined to find out, but not sure which answer she'd prefer. If Rachel recorded this when she was stage 3, then that means she was prepared to die long before Shelby realized. And that upsets her. But if she recorded this stage 4, then she was seriously putting herself at risk by pushing herself like this. And that upsets Shelby. It couldn't have been late stage 4, because Rachel couldn't stand on her own, and certainly not stand and sing. It may just be the makeup she can clearly see Rachel wearing, but she doesn't look too bad, either. Shelby shakes her head slowly. This must have been recorded no later than early January. But the clues tell her it was probably before then. That weighs on her heart. Her daughter started thinking she'd die before she hit stage 4? She grips Scott's hand, wishing more than ever she could hug her daughter. Just one more time. Scott brings his other hand over top of hers, sandwiching it between his larger hands.
Rachel is wearing a simple, but pretty, white dress. Shelby recognizes it. It's hanging in her closet. She can't recall the last time she saw Rachel wearing it. In her final weeks, she only wore lounge clothes; leggings, yoga pants, sweatpants, fuzzy sucks, etc. The goal was comfort.
"I asked for some help from my friends for this one. I may be able to sing this, but I'll admit I'm not at my best. So instead of a solo, I requested they help me with a group number. The purpose of the benefit is to raise support for a cure for Aplastic Anemia. But support comes in many different forms. For me, my support is from my family and my very large group of friends. I chose a mash up about support and life and friendship. I hope you enjoy it."
On stage, live, the New Directions gather below the screen. Most of them already have wet faces. They stand still while singing. Shelby imagines it must have been hard enough for them to rehearse singing along with a recording of Rachel; arranging a dance to go with it was probably too much for them.
"I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone
Yeah
I recommend walking around naked in your living room
Yeah
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there"
Santana joins Rachel, harmonizing with her.
"To brighten up even your darkest night."
Santana visibly swallows and Rachel's recording continues alone.
"Whoa yeah yeah"
The group joins in on the chorus.
"You live, you learn
You love, you learn
You cry, you learn
You lose, you learn"
Santana has gathered herself and picks up leading the next part with Brittany echoing her.
"You just call out my name (out my name)
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running"
The two songs "You Learn" and "You've Got a Friend" continue to overlap with several members (namely Kurt, Santana, Quinn, and Brittany) taking some solos or harmonizing with the recording of Rachel.
"You live, you learn (I'll come running)
You love, you learn (To see you again)
You cry, you learn
You lose, you learn (Winter, spring, summer or fall)
You bleed, you learn
You scream, you learn (And I'll be there, yeah)
All you have to do is call (You've got a friend)
Ain't it good to know that you've got a friend
When people can be so cold
They'll hurt you, yes, and desert you
And take your soul if you let them if you let them
Oh, but don't you let them
Woah, yeah, yeah (You just call out my name)
You live, you learn
You love, you learn
You cry, you learn
You lose, you learn
You just call out my name (Just call, just call)
And you know wherever I am (Wherever I am)
I'll come runnin' (You live, you learn)
To see you again (You love, you learn)
You cry, you learn
You lose, you learn
(You bleed, you learn) (Winter, spring, summer or fall)
You scream, you learn (All you have to do is call)
(You just call out my name) You live, you learn
You love, you learn
You cry, you learn
You lose, you learn
(You just call out my name) You bleed, you learn
You scream, you learn
You grieve, you learn (You've got a friend)
You choke, you learn
You laugh, you learn (You've got a friend)
You choose, you learn (Oh, yes I will) (You've got a friend)
You learn (Oh, yes I will)
You've got a friend
It's good to know (Ain't it good to know)
You've got a friend (You've got a friend)
It's good to know
You've got a friend"
When the song ends, the kids on stage turn to look up at the screen. On the screen, Rachel smiles widely and takes a bow.
"Thanks for the help, guys."
The audience is on their feet applauding. The New Directions pull one another into various hugs and help dry tears. Needing a hug and knowing Kurt needs one too, Shelby heads to meet them off stage. When she wraps her arms around her honorary nephew, he is half laughing and half weeping. He's not Rachel, but it feels good to hold a teen she loves like this.
"She was so damn stubborn, Aunt Shelby. She insisted on recording this."
"I know she was." She starts to ask him when this was recorded, but decides she's not ready to hear the answer just yet. She has a far more important question. "I know this entire event is being recorded and I'm going to have that song converted to mp3 for me, but can you give me a copy of the video of just Rachel?"
He nods and wipes his eyes. "Yeah, I can do that."
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Burt watched his son carefully. He's been watching him carefully for months. As Rachel's physical condition deteriorated, so did Kurt's emotional condition. When she died, Burt did everything he could to support Kurt and help him handle it. Now, even months later, Burt still watches his son carefully. This is how he knew something would be different today. He didn't think it'd be a particularly hard day. It's Father's Day. It's not a holiday that Rachel usually celebrated with them. And since none of them have a positive relationship with Leroy Berry, it's not like Kurt is upset for him. Something is definitely off, though. By late afternoon, he can't take it anymore. He needs to know what's wrong with his son.
"What is it, Kurt?"
His son looks at him with wide, uncertain eyes. "I…..I didn't know when to give something to you. Now or later."
Burt starts to relax, wondering if his son's behavior had nothing to do with Rachel's death and something to do with his Father's Day gift for him. "You didn't have to get me anything, bud."
Kurt's eyes turn somber. "Not from me. From Rachel."
Burt's stomach turns to lead. A Father's Day gift? From Rachel? Kurt is eyeing him nervously.
"She asked me to give it to you today. I just didn't know whether it'd be better to do early in the day or later."
"Well," Burt clears his throat, "it's not longer early."
Kurt nods awkwardly. "Yeah. True. Okay."
He hands Burt a small box with a card on top. He then surprised Burt by tossing his arms around him. Burt holds his son tight and kisses his cheek. "Thanks, Kurt."
The boy nods and leaves the room. Burt takes a breath and opens the card. The front is a beautiful mountain scene. That was something Burt and Rachel shared; a love of mountain views. He opens it.
Uncle Burt,
I'm sorry. I should have had the courage to say this to you in person. You should have heard this from me, out loud. In my life, not after. So, I'm sorry. But I can't not tell you this somehow. I need you to know. Thank you for taking me in and making me a part of your family. For giving me a family again. I really did have a happy childhood before my Daddy died. Afterwards, though, you and Kurt know more than anyone else that it wasn't particularly happy. Until I met Kurt and he was my instant best friend. Then he invited me to his house and I met you. It didn't take long for you to make me feel safe there. The two of you made your home my home. I started calling you 'uncle' because you deserved a family title after making me family. But you were never my uncle. You were always my Dad. I was just too shy to call you that out loud. In my mind, and in my heart, you have been my Dad for years. You gave me a safe, warm, loving home with laughter, security, and family. When things were hard, first with my father, then with getting sick, you never backed down and never walked away. You were always there for me. The way a Dad should be.
Thank you for being my Dad. I love you.
Love,
Rachel
The words on the page blur. "Fuck." He puts the card down, worried his tears will drip onto the writing and smudge it. His hand shakes as he presses it over his eyes. "Fuck."
God, he wishes he could hug Rachel and reassure her that he was, in fact, always her Dad. That he always saw her as a daughter. That he would have loved to hear her call him "Dad." He runs his hand over his face and blinks to clear his vision. He dries his hand on his pants, then picks up the box. Inside is a handsome watch. There's an engraving on the back. "Dad, For all the times you were there for me….Thank you. Love, Rachel."
He takes off his old watch and puts on the new one. He knows he will wear this watch every day for the rest of his life. He will keep a piece of his daughter with him always.
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A/N: Please review!
