Ed, Edd, Eddy 'n' Luz!
I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!
...III...
...III...
Luz was depressed...soon she'd be forced to go to... 'Reality Check camp'. Sweet mercy, even the name made her want to shudder!
As she walked up to the gloomy bus stop-
TROUBLE! BAD! EXTREME CLOSE UP!
Luz eye's widen as she saw a friend of her's named Ed run, burdened with a dirty sock full of stuff.
"BE FREE MY FRIENDS!" Shouted Ed as he sobbed while tossing his sponge collection to the sky.
Ed was a bit...'simple' but he was the only person she knew who's imagination was even bigger then her's!...it was actually kind of frightening at times...her mom was actually forced to call the cops on multiple occasions...
(awkward cough) Annnyyyyway...she and Ed first meet at the local bookstore and bonded over the 'Good Witch Azura'. Although he was more into comic version of it(1). Sadly, they couldn't hang out that often as he lived in a Cul-de-sac on the other side of town.
Which begged the question: what was he doing here?
Her thoughts were interrupted by an angry mob of kids that quickly ran in the same direction ed did. The kids looked in poor shape. One kid was covered in bear traps and another was a girl with a forcibly shaved head who also seemed naked save for oddly shaped magicians box.
Concerned for her friend Luz ran after them. But she lost them near an odd house-
BOOM!
Luz looked around just in time to see Ed doing what he did best...
I AM ED! CHEESE AND MACARONI!
Screamed Ed as he smashed his legs through the bottom of the car and forced it forward to smash through Eddy's house and hopefully away from the vengeful cul-de-sac kids. The angry mob of kids grab on to the car as it breaks through the doorway and smashes through the second floor, sailing outside. The impact with the wall shakes the kids off-
BAM!
-as well as ran into Luz, knocking her through the windshield glass and landing her dazed and confused in the back of the car.
Meanwhile, the other kids collapse on the grass outside Eddy's house.
"They're getting away, guys!" Screamed a nearly nude Nazz. The car twists onto the road and slams into a hydrant before turning and running into a garage. It then backs up and goes through a fence. Rolf, meanwhile, lets out a piercing whistle, and his pig Wilfred gallops up.
"Peel your onions Ed-boy!" Said Rolf sinisterly. "And cry." Gets on Wilfred. "There is no escaping the son of a shepherd!" He rides off in hot pursuit.
"Right behind you, man." Shouts Kevin as he grabs his bike and rides after him.
As Kevin and Nazz take off after Rolf. Sarah and Jimmy are peeking out from behind a house at everything that was happening.
"Let's go see, Jimmy!" Exclaims Sarah happily. Sarah and Jimmy race to the sidewalk just in time to see the car go by, followed immediately by Kevin, on his bike; Rolf, on his pig; and Nazz, running after them.
"Yowzers! Whaddya think they did this time, Jimmy?" Asked a gleeful Sarah.
"Whatever it was, it must be worser than ever!" Said an equally happy Jimmy.
...
Meanwhile, the Eds trundle down the road. They were so terrified and busy looking for the mob, they had yet to notice they're 'stowaway'. "I think I'm gonna be sick!" Exclaimed a now very green Double 'D'. "Not in my brother's car, you're not!"
CRACK!
-Plank, ripped and torn and almost destroyed, tumbles onto the windshield.
"BBBWWWWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"
Screamed the Eds as they swerve, scared out of their minds. The car then almost hits Johnny. "Let em have it buddy!" Shouted the ever vengeful wood boy as they passed by.
Rolf and Kevin ride into a field. Kevin skids his bike to a stop. The car jumps, and lands on the fences bordering the lane. Rolf chases them. He gets close, and pulls on Wilfred's ears to coax out more speed. Wilfred speeds up, and they approach the car's rear. Eddy meanwhile looks out of the window. He looks down, and his eyes bulge. The wheels are just barely staying on the top of the fence. One false move, and they will fall to their quite probable deaths.
"So much undone! Unsaid! Mother and Father will be so annoyed!" Screamed Double 'D' as he began to hyperventilate.
"Yowch!"
Shouts Ed suddenly. For Rolf had caught up and has clamped down on Ed's leg with his teeth. The only thing propelling the car now is pure momentum.
"They got me, guys!" He shouts as he begins to slip out. "I'm a goner! Save yourselves!" Ed is so close to being dragged out. "Don't forget about me!" Ed falls out of the car. "See ya."
"Ed!" Scream the other two ed's. Ever fearful for their friends safety, Edd and Eddy quickly each grab an arm and pull. They painstakingly yank Ed back into the still-moving car, although Rolf refuses to let go. Suddenly, Ed's leg slips out of Rolf's teeth, and the Eds slip back into the car. At this moment, they reach the end of the fence and fly out over a dumpster. "Curse you Ed-boys!" Screams Rolf as he slams into the dumpster.
The car sails into the woods, hitting many trees along the way and snapping them. The Eds scream as they go through the woods and fly over a ravine into the junkyard. The wheels continue to carry them forward until Ed resumes his position as the motor and runs again. They pass by a mountain of trash.
Kevin is on top of a mountain of junk with his bike. He sees the Eds pass and snarls...
...
Meanwhile, Nazz is skating down the lane. She finds the dumpster with Rolf's indentation and stops. Rolf is nowhere to be seen. Johnny then runs up carrying Plank. He is out-of-breath...
...
Eddy peers over the steering wheel as they rush through the junkyard-
BAM!
Suddenly, Kevin slams their vehicle from the left, shaking them and sending them skidding. "Oh, help me!" shouted Ed as he tired to keep the car from flipping over. "Oh dear, now what?!" Shouted an exasperated Double 'D'. Eddy looks out the window and spots Kevin-
BAM!
Kevin then hits them again, and the car once again skids! "He's a maniac, I tell ya!" Screamed Eddy as he tired to steer and keep everything stable.
Kevin slams them a third time, and this time they spin in circles. The car goes off a mountain of trash and this acts like a ramp. The car leaps into the air and slips upside down. As it does this, Edd turns green, and Eddy gripped the wheel as he was thrown out the window. The car lands on two wheels and continues to drive this way. Eddy is on the right side and is forced to run with the car. The car turns left, and Kevin follows. Rolf brings up the rear, having managed to rejoin the chase.
"Run like well-worn stockings, Wilfred!" Screamed Rolf as he bade his pig to go faster.
Ed releases the car door briefly and grabs at the steering wheel. He spins it rapidly, pulling Eddy inside. Ed then grabs at the door and continues to run. They reach the edge of the junkyard and crash through the fence. The Eds reach Peach Creek Estates and blast through it, on the way wrecking some of the incomplete structures. Nazz and Jonny rejoin the chase.
"Prepare for Rolf's water-laden bovine bladder!" Screamed Rolf as he and Wilfred charged onward. "Plank's freaking out!" screamed an increasingly frantic Jonny as he followed...
"Double D! You got any bright ideas?" Screamed a desperate Eddy. Sadly Edd is too busy puking into a paper bag to be of much help at the moment.
Meanwhile, Kevin has ridden his bike Close enough to be near the car's front door. "How do you like your faces? Fried or scrambled?" He mocks, he then rips open the door much to the Eds horror.
"Ed! The door! The door, Lumpy!" Screamed Eddy as he tried to stay out of Kevin's reach. "Rolf will assist you with the Ed-boy flogging Kevin!" Shouts Rolf as he grabs Wilfred and they roll forward like a wheel.
"Go Rolf go!" Shouts Nazz as she too begins to catch-up with the car.
Ed barely manages to shut the door, tearing it away from Kevin. Eddy locks it and begins to roll up the window. "Ed! Fingers!" Warns Double 'D'.
Ed jerks his fingers back as the window closes. Kevin leaps onto the car, and his bike wheels off, coming to a stop against a sawhorse, perfectly parked. Rolf's wheel slams into the back of the car, and he and Wilfred fly upward. The pig lands on the roof, and Rolf lands on the hood. Nazz reaches their back and grabs onto the open trunk.
"You're going down, dudes." Said Kevin wickedly as he gropes for the ever fearful Ed's. The Eds then hear a strange grinding sound and look up just in time to spot Wilfred's tail acting like a bottle opener on the roof. Rolf lifts the pig and tears the roof on, and the faces of the Eds' enemies leer in.
"Time for payback!" Shouts Kevin as he climbs further into the car. "Plank wants first crack at em!" Shouts Jonny as he waves around the aforementioned piece of wood like a cudgel. "Rolf will use their hides as a crutch for Nana's goiter!" Screams the Son of a Shepard as he prepares to rain his wrath down upon the unfortunate Ed's."Like, thanks for the help up here, guys? Duh!" Said an annoyed Nazz as she struggled to climb on top of the car herself...
"It wasn't me! Eddy did it." Said Ed as he ducks into his jacket. "In your dreams! It was Double D." Said Eddy as he too passed the buck in fright while he ducks into Ed's sleeve. Edd looks like he's about to say something to add to this mess, when he sees that they are approaching the playground...and the roundabout. Quickly making the needed calculations in his head, he prepares to do something drastic.
"Um, excuse me. I'll be right back." Double 'D' said simply right before he leans out the window and grabs onto the roundabout. Centrifugal force is quick to act on the car, as the kids are pushed away from it. Wilfred is the first to fly off.
"Hang on buddddyyyy!" Shouts Jonny, right before He, Rolf, Nazz, Jonny, and Plank fly away as the roof gets torn off. "You dorks ain't seen the last of me!" Shouts Kevin before he too is thrown off.
Now in most universes, they're landings would've seen them get a little bruised but other then that, they would mostly be fine...but it would seem that whoever is in charge of this universe was feeling particularly vindictive...so they may have shifted things...a little less in the Cul-De-Sac kids favor.
ZAP!
Went Kevin as he landed in the telephone wires and got electrocuted so badly, the entire grid got blown out...
CRUNCH!
Went Rolf as he slammed into his house before skipping off and crashing into his barn and shed next...all three structures collapsed, the animals ran into the wilderness in terror-
SPLAT!
-right before Rolf falls into a pile of manure...
snap!
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snap!
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snap!
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snap!
OW!
Shouted Jonny as he landed in a truck filled with mousetraps...
Jonny sighed when it finally stopped, "Well...at least their weren't any big one's..."
SNAP!
"Ow..." Groaned Jonny.
FWOOM!
Went Plank as he slammed into a leaf fire...
CRACK!
Went Nazz's covering as she smashed into a tree, her box cracked open. She then falls to the ground dazed and fully naked...Mortified, she promptly covers herself and tries to streak home without anyone seeing her...
VROOM!
And to your left you'll see a naked girl!" Shouts the tour guide/bus driver from 'Random tour bus as the plot demands' company.
Nazz squealed in humiliation as a flurry of wolf-whistles, cat-calls and camera flashes assaulted her...
Meanwhile; At this point the pressure on Edd is too great, and he lets go of the roundabout as well. The car flies into the air and over the wood.
CRACK!
Went the roundabout as it the force was too great for it either and it broke off it's foundation and went flying...
Watching the whole thing nearby was of course Sarah and Jimmy who also watch Wilfred land unharmed in a dumpster and began to happily swim in the filth.
"Pigs are so gross." said Sarah.
"Golly gosh, Sarah, they're gonna hunt down the Eds! What on earth did they do?" Said Jimmy in a seemingly concerned voice
"I don't know, Jimmy."Said Sarah in an equally seemingly concerned voice
"Think of what they'll do to them, Sarah! It'll be worse than soap in your eye! Worser than polyester chafing!"
Sarah suddenly smiled, "Let's have a picnic and watch!"
Jimmy just sat their silently for a moment. "Oh yay, Sarah! I wouldn't miss this Ed-thrashing for all the shoulder pads in the world!" Said Jimmy in a suddenly very gleeful voice!
The two giggle and begin to walk off-
POW!
Went the Roundabout as it crashed into the two spiteful youths-
SMASH!
CRACK!
WHAM!
Went the three buildings they were forcibly shot through before stopping in Jimmy's house...which collapsed on them...and then got set ablaze...
The cops show up and then shake their heads, "Right I don't know what's going on here, but your all under arrest!"
The Cul-De-Sac kids groan but comply...
...
Meanwhile; The Ed's car crashes down in the middle of a forest. Eddy sits up and adjusts the rearview mirror while Edd heaves himself up. Eddy then looks back as Ed continues to carry the car. Seeing no one, he smiles.
"Ha! We lost em!" Exclaims Eddy happily.
"How can you be so certain, Eddy?" Asked Double 'D' skeptically.
Eddy reclines into the car seat to relax, "Those chumps'll never catch us now! From here on out, it's nothing but smooth sailing!"
BOOM!
Went the car as it crashed into a abandoned house-
ZAP!
BOOM!
-Only to then crash into ANOTHER house...which then topples over to crush another...which then falls over and knock over the one next to THAT...and so on...
The four kids saw nothing of this though, they were too busy recovering from their wounds...and noticing their 'ride' had fallen to pieces.
Eddy snarled at the sight of his bro's wrecked car and gives Ed a whack to the head, "Way to go Lumpy! The only house in a thousand miles and you crash into it!"
"Uh...eddy? That's not true anymore." Said Luz in awe.
The Ed's- confused -look to where she's looking...and are equally floored.
All around them is bizarre, twisted city! All manner of monsters, demons and odd looking inhabitants were strewn about...across a very alien landscape...
the four are stunned...well except for Ed, who simply looks contemplative.
"El Diablo Nexus," he says finally.
"Wha?" Asks the others.
Ed nods, "I read about it in 'Stranger Times Monthly'." He points around, "man-eating pixie, realistic blood boulders and genuine land made of bone? I'm telling you guys, this could easily be the El Diablo Nexus." He says with a nod.
Eddy shrugs, "Whatever, it could be on the moon for all I care! This is the perfect place to lay low!" He says happily.
"This...what is this!?" asks Double D as he frantically tried to make sense of what he was seeing, one moment they were in a perfect normal pacific northwest forest- filed with your average Evergreen Huckleberry and Red Osier Dogwood -and suddenly they were HERE! In the first five minutes of being here Double D was certain he saw over 27 things that defied basic physics!
While Double D was having a nervous Breakdown, Luz was looking around in awe.
"This...this is just like in Good witch Azura! ...I knew it! I knew I was destined for something greater!" Luz makes a dramatic pose, "Today my adventure begins!"
Suddenly a cloaked, masked figure slaps some handcuffs on her, "The only thing beginning is your walk to the Conformatorium to explain all the damage you and your friend just caused!" Shouted the annoyed guard as he gestures to all the dozens of homes that had toppled over like domino's'...and was STILL doing so...
Luz chuckled nervously, "Uh...it's my first day?" She half-joked.
...
CLANG!
Eddy played his lips like a harmonica as he and the others sat in the jail cell...
"I wonder if it's too late to let those kids kill us..." Grumbled Eddy to himself with a resigned sigh...
...III...
TO BE CONTINUED?
(1): Which Luz will admit do have better illustrations and action sequences...but the story and dialogue suffer as the writer was clearly forced to tweak and/or cut out various scenes for the sake of the former out of necessity of the medium...but that's neither here nor there.
AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!
Love me, flame me, review me
