- Chapter 78 -
Yesterday Sif would've howled for Loki's head. Today she could only sit and think. If Loki isn't weak, if Loki isn't cowardly, then is this unjust? She sighed, irritated. Prince Loki. I should remember his title. I've angered Thor once already. She continued to consider. If I've behaved in a manner unbecoming towards him, then is he not entitled to some form of recompense? She was certain that she would never be able to view Prince Loki as a woman, even if he were bearing children. Half-mortal, half-Jotunn children at that. She focused intently on everything Prince Loki said and did. Almost all of it was disturbing for a variety of reasons.
Being subject to the whims of a madman didn't make Sif comfortable. Yet they couldn't honestly be said to be whims since the curses were placed before Prince Loki went mad. They were placed when the Prince was still in control of his mind. Yet could he truly be said to have been sane? No sane man would engage an enemy with an Infinity Gem alone, unarmed, blind and mortally wounded. Prince Loki did so and won. He did so because we turned our backs on him. He left the Norns to warn us, and we laughed at him. We laughed, and he still defended us. Is this not just then?
Additionally, Sif wasn't comfortable thinking of Prince Loki as anything other than a sniveling worm. Yet there was evidence that the Prince did something more courageous, more daring, more heroic than she would probably ever have the opportunity to do. He did this heroic thing, and then hid it all. Prince Loki isn't wrong. I've never gone into battle alone against overwhelming odds. Thor and the Warriors Three have always been at my back. I don't know what I would have done had I faced such an overwhelming enemy alone. Is Prince Loki stronger than me? The Prince has protected us alone and come away with an Infinity Gem. He must be stronger than me. That cannot be though. It cannot. Can it? It must be. Prince Loki is stronger than I.
Furthermore, Sif also wasn't comfortable thinking of the aftermath of a battle being anything other than glorious. Glory comes with victory. Her father raised her to believe that. There was a terrible price to Prince Loki's heroism. For madness to be the price of victory seemed so extremely wrong. A warrior shouldn't leave a battle victorious yet so broken. Prince Loki's mind is broken, she thought, perturbed. The display of him laughing uncontrollably greatly disturbed Sif. There was no light in his eyes. His mind went away somewhere. She didn't want to think of what dark places it might have traveled to. Then the next display where Prince Loki collapsed and cried out was also disturbing. It was something she only grudgingly admitted previously, but the Prince rarely ever cried out in pain. She watched as he received extensive injuries in both the sparring ring and on their many adventures, but rarely did he cry out. Sif wasn't sure that she wanted to know what was capable of making Prince Loki cry out so. What he said, something about boxes and burns, dirt and worms. None of it sounded good. All these years we believed those who attacked Midgard with you were your allies. They weren't, were they? They were your tormentors. What did they do to you?
Thinking of Prince Loki as a woman made Sif particularly uncomfortable. Yet proof of Prince Loki's womanhood was all around. The All Father himself said that he was as much woman as man. Thor's Little Brother was beautiful, but also a man. She'd seen him with his shirt off from time to time. The person she remembered was a tall, whipcord lean man. How could Prince Loki be a woman when he was a man? Is this because of his magic? He's a man, but able to bear children. She thought it must be a truly bizarre illness that Prince Loki was afflicted with. Rare as Lord Frey said. Rare. Sif realized that her brother was right. A blind Jotunn who suffered a massive injury before the battle saved them all. Prince Loki has ever faced more challenges than I, and I have done naught but belittle him for it. What kind of person am I to have done this?
Most of all Sif wasn't comfortable having her feelings for Thor discussed so openly. She didn't think anyone, but her brother knew of her reasons for training as a warrior. Obviously, the Prince saw her intentions. What did Prince Loki mean that I'm too timid? That was as insulting as it was humiliating. Pink tinged high on her cheeks. Thor was sitting behind her, listening to everything as she was. She didn't consider herself the next Queen of Asgard, but she did hope to attract Thor's attention. Sif was angry and wrathful towards many of the young woman who'd come and gone in Thor's life. The mortal woman Foster drew a particularly large amount of her ire. Again, the Prince wasn't wrong. Sif never once stopped to consider what harm she might have caused to those who felt her wrath. She never stopped to consider whether or not they deserved her ire. If they weren't warriors than they weren't worthy. That's what father taught us. To be a warrior is to be worthy of respect. Mother's enduring devotion to father was proof enough.
Now that Sif was old enough to appreciate the consequences of her actions she realized that she'd never put much thought to those consequences. How many people have I wronged? How could I even find them all if I don't know who they are? How is it I'm supposed to make amends to people I don't remember?! A bitter anger came and went quickly as she realized that she wasn't ready to see any of this. It couldn't be unseen. The knowledge couldn't be given back. Sif wanted to blame Prince Loki for this mess. She wanted to be angry at the Norns for showing her what she wasn't ready to see. She wanted to go back to the simpler understanding of her life that she had when she woke up that morning. I didn't ask for any of this! But then, neither did Prince Loki. Sif's internal rant died as it began. Swiftly.
With her eyes opened to the truths before her she could no longer see life so simply anymore. We turned out backs on Prince Loki and he still gave everything for us. He didn't ask to lose everything, even his sanity. He didn't ask for this burden, but he bore it anyway. I didn't ask for this burden. If I would be as strong as Prince Loki, then I must bear this. I must do better. I can do better. But we have yet to hear my brother's curse. Can I hold my anger when I hear it? Have I any right to be angry anymore? Only time could give her that answer.
Sif looked over at her brother. He was as serene and watchful as ever. Heimdall always reminded her of their father. He was calm and confident as well.
.-.-.-.
"Lastly, there is Heimdall. The Great White Ram," Loki snickered at that appellation.
"Asgard has the best nicknames." Tony chuckled along with her.
"It's not that. Heimdall's father and paternal grandparents were dwarves from Nidavellir. Sif takes after her mother. Heimdall strongly resembles their dvergar father. Except for the dark hair, he has look of a man from Nidavellir, with the deep brown skin and yellow eyes. And so, the appellation, 'The Great White Ram' always made me giggle since he's more of a mountain ram than a ram of the ocean waves," Loki giggled a little as she explained. The number of sheep related pranks she'd played on him stretched into the dozens. Each and every one of them still made her giggle.
"Wait a minute! Sif and Heimdall don't look anything like each other?" Tony asked.
"Not even a little bit, but they are siblings none the less," she said. She sighed as she began to grow bored with the topic. Sleep sounded much more interesting. "To Heimdall I gifted the removal of his sight, complete blindness," Loki revealed. She despised the blindness Asgard gave her but was all too happy to share it with him. If it hadn't been for her rigid control, she might have been a little too happy about it.
.-.-.-.
A wolfish grin grew from Frey's smirk. When only Corporal McCorrmick noticed it, he winked at the handsome lad.
