Matt soothingly rubbed Severide's back as they walked from the pub to his truck. He suspected the touch was more comforting for himself than it was for his boyfriend, whose muscles remained painfully tense under his hand.

Severide was quiet on the ride home, and Matt let him have the space. It was enough to be together, to see that he was safe and to be able to keep him that way.

Letting Severide go today was harder than he'd ever admit. Matt wasn't yet back to normal himself, either. For the first several weeks after learning about Severide's suicidal thoughts, Matt was wrecked with anxiety every time he was out of sight. Couple's therapy was helpful, as was the support group. Severide occasionally went by himself to Molly's or Shay's or on a date with Clarke, and Matt didn't worry because he knew he was with friends.

But today – that was a real test. Some concern was reasonable, under the circumstances. His triggered, recently suicidal boyfriend shut down and then disappeared. But the text he sent before his run reassured Matt enough to let him make his own choices and use the coping skills he'd learned. No matter how scary it was to let him go, it was healthier than the alternative. He couldn't control everything, no matter how hard he tried.

He made it almost an hour after the meeting with Atwater before he began to seriously worry. In an ill-fated attempt to distract himself, he went for a run of his own. He didn't particularly enjoy running alone, though. He missed Severide's flirtatious teasing, the spontaneous sprints to race each other to a landmark up ahead. Running was one of many activities far more interesting with Kelly Severide at his side.

Thinking of him, anxiety had coiled in his chest so tightly that he stopped along the jogging path to catch his breath. Not for the first time, his mind presented an unwelcome picture of Severide on the edge of a bridge, ready to jump. That image had lodged itself in his mind months ago, and it was thoroughly stuck. Severide's teasing reassurances of "jumpers are always terrified when we catch them – you think I'd ever want to be seen like that?" were not at all helpful, thank you very much. It was preferable to be haunted by something that would never happen than by a lonely corpse in the woods.

He had come so close to losing this man forever, and he hadn't even known it. Fully coming to terms with that might take a lifetime. But, glancing at the steady rise and fall of his boyfriend's chest in the passenger seat, he felt assured that they had a lifetime to heal together.

When they got home, Severide stood awkwardly just inside the door, seemingly frozen in place.

"Oh, Kelly," Matt said softly, watching his boyfriend's chin begin to quiver. "Come here, sweetheart."

Severide's shoulders shook with repressed sobs, tears suddenly rolling down his brightly flushed cheeks. He leaned forward slightly to welcome Matt's hug, but otherwise held perfectly still.

Matt closed his eyes, relishing the warmth of his lover's body in his arms. He's here. He's safe. He's mine.

"I – I'm so sorry," Severide whispered. "Matt, I – I –"

"Shh," Matt murmured, reaching up to stroke the other man's soft hair. "You have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing. You did nothing wrong. I promise."

Severide burrowed his face against Matt's neck, his arms almost too tight around his waist. Matt let him squeeze, allowing the desperate embrace to comfort him as well. The weight of his boyfriend's body made him feel blissfully secure, harkening back to one of his favorite activities when he was the sub.

"I love you," Matt whispered.

The arms constricting his ribs gradually eased. He felt a slight tug on the back of his shirt as Severide's fingers dug into the fabric, clinging almost as needily to his clothing as he had to his waist.

Cupping his lover's head with one hand, Matt rubbed up and down his back with the other. Severide's body continued to shake with the force of each sob, but they slowly tapered off until he finally relaxed.

"I'm sorry," Severide croaked once again.

Smiling sadly, Matt leaned back just far enough to kiss his boyfriend's cheek.

"Do you want to go sit on the couch and talk about it?" he invited, moving Severide in that direction with a hand on his back.

"Don't wanna talk about it," Severide half-heartedly muttered. The shaky smirk on his face assured Matt that he was joking.

On the couch, Matt pulled off his t-shirt and dried his boyfriend's tears. They sat facing each other, each with one foot tucked under him and one on the floor. Severide rested his left hand on Matt's knee, his bloodshot eyes staring blankly at the wall.

"Why are you sorry, sweetheart?" Matt asked gently, setting the shirt aside and clutching his boyfriend's hand. Severide had nothing to apologize for, but it was clear that he needed to feel forgiven.

"I… I pushed you away again. I was rude when you tried to talk to me, and I blew you off all night. Then I didn't show up to meet with Atwater, and – and I told you I was going to be gone for a few hours but it ended up being all day."

Severide's eyes watered again.

Oh, baby.

"I'm not mad about any of that," Matt assured him. "You don't have to talk about things until you're ready, and you're allowed to need time for yourself. Taking a run has always helped you work things out. That's a good thing."

Severide sighed. "But I – I didn't just go for a run. I stayed away. Even when I knew I should come home."

Matt slowly shook his head. "You can apologize to yourself for that, but not to me. You answered when I texted you, and you allowed me to come get you when you were ready. That's all I ask. We've talked about this, remember?"

His boyfriend worked his jaw for a minute, but finally nodded acquiescence.

Matt smiled, resting his knuckles lightly against Severide's cheek. "Now – I love you dearly, but you stink. Do you want to take a shower or a bath?"

The one thing their new apartment had going for it was the bathtub. Matt loved to relax in the warm water after a long shift, but he was fairly certain Severide hadn't taken a bath in all the years he'd known him.

"Maybe a bath?" he said hesitantly, as though it was a serious risk to his masculinity.

Nodding encouragingly, Matt took his hand and led him to the bathroom. Severide stopped and smiled at him in the doorway, raising an eyebrow.

"Are you planning to take a bath too?"

Matt grinned, continuing inside.

"Nope. Just gonna get it ready for you."

He knelt next to the bathtub, turning on the water and testing the temperature with his hand. He resisted the temptation to make it a bubble bath, confident Severide would flatly refuse – but he did pull two candles from the cupboard and light them, placing them next to the tub.

"I'll be right back," he promised, taking two clean towels in his hands. "Take your clothes off."

Severide smirked at him from the doorway. "How romantic."

Matt smiled, playfully poking his boyfriend in the side. "Take your clothes off, babe."

"Where are you going with the towels?"

"Take your clothes off!" Matt called over his shoulder.

He popped the towels in the dryer to warm them, then gathered his pillow and wireless speaker, bags of chocolate and butterscotch chips, and the book Severide was allegedly reading.

Returning to the bathroom, he smiled appreciatively at the sight of his naked lover standing in the middle of a pile of clothes.

"God, I love your ass," he commented, gently cupping one bare cheek.

Severide chuckled, eyeing the items on the counter. "You might be going a little overboard, angel."

Matt shook his head and turned off the faucet. "When I get an opportunity to take care of you, there's no such thing as going overboard."

He motioned to the bathtub, and his boyfriend obediently got in. Matt gave him a hand as he lowered himself into the water, smiling fondly at his eye roll. Severide could posture all he wanted, as long as he let Matt pamper him.

Matt placed his pillow on the floor, making himself a comfortable place to sit. Severide looked at him with confusion, to which he simply shrugged.

"I don't trust you to relax without me."

The dark-haired man smiled and shrugged back at him, not bothering to protest the truth. He slid further into the steamy water, closing his eyes with pleasure as it lapped over his chest.

"The book is just for if you get bored or need to do something to distract yourself from being cared for," Matt explained, leaving it on the counter for now. He lowered the volume on the speaker, then started playing a spa playlist he'd found.

"Won't get bored," Severide said quietly, his eyes still closed. "Not unless you put a shirt on."

Matt chuckled, settling in next to him with the two bags of candy. He opened the chocolate and withdrew a handful, humming contentedly as he put them in his mouth.

Severide watched through the corner of his eye, feigning disinterest.

Matt slowly opened the bag of butterscotch chips, then fed himself a few. He preferred the chocolate, but he knew these were Severide's favorite.

"You gonna share?" Severide asked, smiling up at Matt.

He pretended to think about it, carefully watching his boyfriend's reaction to make sure it wasn't too soon to tease.

Severide raised an eyebrow. "Please?" he tried.

Chuckling, Matt pulled a handful of butterscotch chips from the bag.

"Open your mouth," he instructed.

He was pleased when Severide complied, allowing Matt to feed him the candy. He was almost as pleased that he only dropped a couple of them into the bath. They were at an awkward angle for finger feeding, but he made it work. His boyfriend smiled appreciatively, leaning his head back against the wall of the tub.

They sat in silence for a while. Matt soaked in the moment, watching Severide smile contentedly as he rested in the water. They were going to be okay. They would learn from this, and the next time one of them was triggered, they would do better.

After a few minutes, Matt sat up and reached for Severide's shower gel.

"Can I wash you?" he asked, already opening the bottle.

At Severide's nod, he squirted the clear gel into his hands, rubbed them together to warm it up, and washed his boyfriend's body. He got more than slightly wet himself in the process, largely because Severide decided it was fun to flick water in his face. He only gave his boyfriend's cock a few seconds of extra attention, not wanting to pressure him to turn relaxation into anything else. Severide moaned softly as his dick was gently stroked, but he didn't protest when Matt's hands moved on.

Severide settled when Matt moved to his hair, cooperatively slumping forward and tucking his chin against his chest. He carefully scooped water to wet the short dark hair beneath his palms, then began massaging shower gel into his scalp. His fingers found a knot of tension at the base of his lover's skull, and Severide's moan was louder than before. Smiling, Matt lovingly massaged that spot until his boyfriend was completely limp in his hands.

After rinsing his lover's hair, he slipped off his uncomfortably damp jeans, then sat back down next to the tub.

"I'm getting wrinkly," Severide observed, holding his hand out for Matt to inspect.

Matt smiled smugly, raising the wrinkled fingers to his lips. "You'll match your hair, then." He gently kissed each fingertip, then allowed his boyfriend to reclaim his limb.

Severide pouted. "You know, you're really mean sometimes."

Matt nodded. "Lucky for you."

They exchanged conspiratorial smiles, then sat in silence for a couple more minutes until the water started to cool. Matt went to retrieve the towels from the dryer, then helped his boyfriend from the tub.

"I want you to fuck me," Severide announced as Matt wrapped his shoulders in a freshly warmed towel.

Matt started. "What?" he asked, surprised.

Severide smirked, pulling Matt into a wet hug. "I want you to fuck me. I want to feel your cock filling my ass. I want to come with you inside me. Then I want to fall asleep in your arms."

About this, the man could communicate.

Matt wasn't sure why he protested. "But you're tired. Wouldn't it be better to just cuddle tonight?"

Severide raised an eyebrow. "If you've been staring at my candlelit penis for the past hour and you don't want to fuck me, I'm going to be offended."

Matt laughed.

His boyfriend continued in a softer tone. "I feel a lot better, but I need to be as close to you as I can tonight. If you really don't want to, no worries, let's cuddle. But if you do want me tonight… please. I'm yours."

Recognizing the vulnerability in those words, Matt tenderly kissed his lover's lips.

"I love you," he whispered. After a brief pause, he added, "Yes, I want you. I always want you."

Severide grinned, suddenly energized, and spun a slightly bewildered Matt to face the bathroom door.

"Good," he smirked, walking out into the living room with drops of water still dripping down his thick legs. "Come and get me."