life. fucking. sucks.

i don't even know what to do about it either.

"you're fucking a freak."

that's what they said to me at school.

and home.

and practically everywhere that i did have the energy to go to. personally, i find it comedic and eccentric, like a black cat. you don't know where the fucker comes and media says it is bad luck, like my life. you keep on seeing it and though you know it means nothing, you still hope that it does or soon will.

does that make sense? likely not.

"attie!"

"wha- oh, hi aspen."

"thinking too much again?" aspen comes from behind me to where i stand in the technical back of the classroom, looking at everyone as they socialize to then wrap his arms around my waist, burying their head in my neck.

"aren't i always?" he scoffs and i feel them smile against my neck.

"oi, lovebirds! go and get a room and when you do, call me over! I'll be sure to give HER the time of HER life."

god. fucking. damn. it.

exactly what i needed, mike(cropenis) sexualizing my partner and i, misgendering me and my partner AND assuming i'd even let him touch them, with his homophobic ass. his small snickers irk me as some other kids laugh alongside him.

he is truly the wedgie that stays wedged.

"shut the fuck up, kinsen."

"attie, it's ok-"

"no, it is not my love, it really isn-"

"awe what? cat caught your tongue, hm, suicidal foster kid? how about you just admit that no one wants your depressed ass? i mean, we all know your parents definitely didn't. what? with your dad being a drug addict and your mom killing herself. You should take over your dumba-"

a pin drops in the classroom as i held mike in a headlock with a knife to his nose. so, this son of a bitch wants to purposely misgender then sexualize my partner AND talk shit about my parents?

his fault for walking up to me.

gently pushing the dull edge of the knife against his nose, he chokes on his words,

to be honest, i was fighting not to laugh.

"your parents obviously didn't love you if you seek negative validation from other students who also don' .care about you. oh also-"

i flipped the blade to the sharper side and pressed the tip of it to his nose, insuring i nick the skin.

"ever talk about my parents or my partner again and i will ensure that the cut is not just nick."

fucker quietly snickers again.

"astrid."

it's hushed, but the voice crack tells me that someone is mad.

"what?"

"p-put your knife away and go to the office right now."

i scoffed at the class and put my knife away, watching as they all quickly turn their heads around and begin to sit down. aspen has a saddened look that creases his forehead and furrows their brows, it makes me want to kiss him honestly.

i hate making him look sad.

a pris– i mean, school resource officer, who just so happens to be lingering in the hallway is called over to mr. smirth's class and has to fucking escort me to the principal's office.

isn't my life just some fucking pixar movie?

the troubled kid who has a equally, if not more, troubled past is about to get their ass suspended.

the walk down to ms. parchells' office is a fast yet also infuriatingly

slow one. the poor guard tries to make small talk with me,

"look-" i look at his chest plate to read his name, "alec, you're just taking me to the office like I'm some fucking criminal. trust, i don't wanna talk."

i pick up my pace rough to be a few steps in of him but not enough for me to be out his sight even though i wanna be. soon enough, we reach ms. parchells' office and the guard leaves me as a plump, sickeningly- sweet women walks up to me.

"hi att-"

"the only person allowed to call me that is my partner, don't call me that. astrid alone is fine."

a simple nod as she tries to place her hand behind my back. i shrug her hand off me and walk in front of her to her office rather quickly, looking for a pillow, anything, to hold. i sit rather quietly for ms. parchell to come in. consternations wrap my mind up in their dark, shitty wrapping paper and i suddenly feel very warm.

trapped.

uncomfortable

i hug onto the yellow pillow and sink into the couch as intangible hands go on my neck and wet lips touch my chest, eyes shut close and my body begins to twitch.

yet this man is persistent and i honestly just want it to be over. my legs feel weird and theres a weird wet patch on my jeans when he leaves as i feel a wetness that drips down my thighs. The lighter touch of feathery skin on my cheek shocks me as i collapse into whoever-this-persons-arms is.

"it's me baby, aspen ok? i'm right here."

"astrid?" this time, it is ms. parchells' voice.

i bury my head into aspen's shoulder and they laugh at the vibrations my lips against their shoulder causes.

"mh?" parchell gestured to the pink and white slips of paper on the coffee table.

INCIDENT REPORT

EMPLOYEE DETAILS

NAME: JOHNSON SMIRTH

DEPARTMENT: ENGLISH

PHONE: 359-200-6954 EXT. 721

INCIDENT RANK: E

ACTION TO TAKE: ISS

( (03.04.05 - 03.25.05)

DESCRIPTION OF INCIDENT

LOCATION: 531 Yurlson Rd, Wightwood SC, 09121

TIME - 11:19AM

DETAILS OF INCIDENT

Barlowe put a student (Kinsen) in a chokehold and pulled a butterfly knife out on Kinsen for insulting her family by claming her father loved illegal substances more then her. As well as saying that Barlowe should "go after her." in regards to Mrs. Barlowes' suicide.

REPORTED BY: JOHNSON SMIRTH

when i was finished reading, i shrugged and put the paper down.

"so, three weeks and two days of ISS then? Is that it?"

"aside from supervision from your mom an-"

"i don't have parents, asshole."

aspen squeezes my hand.

"i- i'm sorry, i didn-"

"can i go home now?" i truly don't want nor need any feigned sympathy, or any sympathy for that matter. I just want to go home, spend the day with aspen like i usually do and just go the hell to sleep.

flashbacks of my father really drain my will to talk.

or to be alive for that matter.

there is a drawn out tension in the room, that you could probably cut with a fucking knife, but im not allowed to have mine to cut it, i honestly don't care to hear what ms. parchell and aspen are talking about. the only thing that brings me out my mind is aspen gentle tapping on my shoulder.

"ms. kolson is taking us home now, chérie."

"baby, you don't have to call alice by her last name. she's my aunt and has told you-"

"i know i know. i just want to be respectful."

i give a small wink to him,

"You have quite the thing for being obedient, don't you? hm, piccolo amore?"

"a volte odio che tu conosca la lingua della mia città natale." i smiled down at the leather couch, sighing and getting up from it to then extend my hand to her.

"Posso io?"

he giggles softly and he rests their fingertips on my extended palm,

"Sì potete." they stand up and straighten out their shirt right as a curt knock can be heard at ms. pachell's door.

"hi again, ms. pachell. astrid, aspen.. are you two lovebirds ready to go?"

"yeah, lets go. bye, ms. p."