You couldn't breathe.
It was like all the air had been squeezed out of your lungs into the crowded space in front of you.
You could hear your heart pounding in your head, your fingers were clenching yet found nothing to hold onto.
There she was.
Even though you couldn't see her face, you knew it was her.
It was almost as if your heart knew, your heart was pulling you towards the one thing that made it beat. Magnets being drawn together.
It's true what they say, time really does stand still when you see the love of your life.
Wait wasn't that a quote from...
It didn't matter because time came speeding back when you remember what you did.
The twinkly lights, the Christmas countdown, the noise of children laughing and the smell of mulled wine.
You take a huge gulp of oxygen, almost like you hadn't been breathing for the past five minutes. Well to tell the truth you don't think you was, but the scientist in you knows that wasn't true.
When you glance back over to where your true love was, she was gone. Disappeared into the crowd.
"You okay Hols?" your sister says from the side of you, placing a hand on your back between your shoulder blades.
You don't answer immediately, trying to regain some sense of time.
"Are you okay?" She asks you again.
You turn to face her sister and concern was written all over Rose's face.
"Sorry yeah...I...can we go?"
Concern turns to confusion, and you know your sister is going to be a little pissed at you.
The Toronto Christmas Market wasn't free to enter and you couldn't just use your ticket the next day either, at least the money was donated to local Charities.
It was also minus 20 degrees and the hand warmers you had placed in your gloves a few hours ago were no longer kicking out heat.
But truth be told, you were on fire. It felt like you were suffocating and the layers upon layers of clothing you had opted for before leaving your parent's house now seemed like the worst idea, it was all getting too much.
"Yeah we can go, I'll quickly go and grab that chocolate for dad's present and I'll meet you at the car."
You can only nod and turn to head in the direction of the car park, pulling the zipper of your coat down to fear your throat and give yourself more room to breathe.
After 7 years (95 months, 2914 days, 69,959 hours, 4,196,104 minutes, not that you had been counting or anything) since the last time you saw her, avoiding her whilst you visited your parents twice a year, why did it have to be tonight.
You loved the Christmas Market, The Distillery District had always been your favourite area in Toronto, since before they had permanently moved to the city, there was something magical about the place.
Now it felt like the enemy, betraying you of all the good times you had had there and coughing out the one person you weren't ready to face.
But it was also a stone's throw away from 15 Division.
You were supposed to be over her by now and look at you, still swooning over someone you don't even know anymore. You need to pull yourself together and make the most of thi...
With all the internal monologue you hadn't seen the group of people in front of you until it was too late and you were walking face first into someone's back.
And then you are falling backwards, trying to grab hold of something, until a hand was grabbing the front of your coat, pulling you forward until you are firmly back on two feet.
You start to say thank you, the words forming in your mouth ready to be released but the words turn into silence, your mouth moving but nothing coming out.
You're met by the blue eyes you've spent numerous nights thinking about. They weren't as vibrant as they once were, there was sadness there, but they still took your breath away.
"Lunchbox." Concern was written all over Gail's face.
You couldn't seem to get her brain to work, to get the words to travel to your mouth and to make matters worse Gail was still holding you by the front of your coat, in close proximity to your face.
"Holly?" It was a question now, Gail looked confused and concerned and there was that little wrinkle between her eyes that you used to kiss whenever she was pouting.
You needed to get some space and gather your thoughts, so you pull away, pat yourself down and look up into blue eyes.
"Hey, I'm so sorry, I don't know where my mind was."
Gail smirked at that.
You have got to be kidding me.
"That big nerd brain of yours must have been going a mile a minute to not see a group of people." She's still smirking at you.
You then realise that Gail isn't alone, she is with people you don't recognise. There was a man and woman, who looked like they were together from the way the man had his arm around the women's shoulder holding her close. Two younger women stood slightly away from the couple, you couldn't place their ages but there were a few years between the both of them. Sisters maybe?
Shit was one of them Gail's new girlfriend? The older one definitely could be.
They were all smiling at you.
"I'm so sorr... I should get...it was lovely to see you, Gail." You excuse yourself with a smile, trying to make it as genuine as possible.
You slide past Gail heading in the direction of the car park again. Your mind is in such a haze that you don't hear the 514 street car come flying towards you, its bell falling on deaf ears.
"Holly watch it." You turn just in time and then there were hands on her shoulders pulling you back into a strong frame.
The smell of amber and blackcurrant hit your nose, the smell was so uniquely Gail, and you hadn't realised how much you had missed it until it was wrapped around you again.
"You really need to get your eyes tested Lunchbox." She jokes, that beautiful smile pulling at her lips, so rare that it makes your heart beat faster, or maybe that was from the street car nearly mowing into you. You're not sure, either way, being this close to her again feels...good.
"Thank you...again."
"You're welcome"
"I don't know what's wrong with me."
"If I was to take a guess, you've just bumped, quite literally, into your ex-girlfriend who you haven't seen in seven years and that big, clever brain of yours has turned into mush..I'll admit mine's not the clearest at the moment either."
Gail lets go of you and you instantly miss the feel of her until she gently wipes your shoulders before taking a step back, taking with it the smell of blackcurrant and amber.
You can't help but smile at her.
"Yeah that could be it...how...how've you been."
"Oh, you know same old, same old. How about you? You visiting the parents for Christmas?"
Gail was nervous, you could tell.
"Yeah, here getting the last few things with Rose. I didn't mean to interrupt your outing."
"No it's fine, Sophie and her family were just about to leave anyway and then...well, you bumped into me."
Shit, the younger girl was Sophie, of course, it was.
Gail had shown you a photo of her, that awful day in the locker room when you both decided it was the end. You remember the smile on the little girl's face, you remembered the smile on Gail's face when she spoke about her.
Your heart clenched at the memory.
It was for the best.
"Christ, that makes me feel old. How old is she now?"
You could probably work it out yourself but you wanted, no something inside you needed, to keep talking to Gail, to keep your eyes on Gail.
Gail smiled, "She's 15, nearly 16. The family are visiting for Christmas, they moved out to Montreal about four years ago."
"That's really nice that they come to visit you, Gail."
Gail nodded and smiled.
"How long are you back for?" As Gail said the sentence, you see something in her eyes, hope maybe, you weren't sure.
"I'm back until the last day in December."
"Well, I'll see you around then...nerd."
She smirks at you and you feel your legs go weak.
Before you can reply, Gail had turned and started walking away.
"Is your number the same?" You shout after her.
Gail turned, walking backwards as she answered "Yup...somethings never change Lunchbox."
Yeah, I'm screwed and you start walking towards the carpark again, this time making sure to look both ways before crossing the street.
