Day 26: getting married and boring sex


The day Hermione and Bill were getting married, Ginny and Luna snuck into Hermione's makeshift room at the Burrow, where she was trying to pull up the zip of her simple white gown with beads and embroidery on the hem.

"Hermione, we need to talk," Ginny stated, shutting the door behind her with an ominous thud.

Hermione called out over her shoulder, "What's wrong? And can someone please help me with the zip? I can't get it up."

"That's what he said," Ginny said, snickering at her ridiculous joke.

"I'll do it." Luna approached and carefully tucked Hermione's hair over her shoulder before pulling the zip up.

Hermione turned and smiled at Luna. "Thank you, Luna. You're a lifesaver. My arms were getting tired of trying to pull that thing up."

"Your husband will have his hands full pulling that thing down," Ginny teased, winking at Hermione as she stepped closer.

Hermione's face warmed, and she ducked her head to hide her reddening cheeks. "He's your brother, Gin! I can't believe you'd say something like that."

Ginny grimaced and shook her head. "For a few minutes, let's ignore the fact that you're getting married to my brother. Let's just assume you're marrying a fit bloke you love. I'm here—I mean, we're here to teach you a couple of tricks."

Hermione blanched. She raised her hands defensively and stepped back. "Uh-uh, no. Just…No. I know exactly what you're here for. There is no way I'm listening to you talk about Bi—"

"Don't!" Luna cried, clapping her hands over Hermione's mouth. She lowered her voice and said, "Don't speak his name. Look at Ginny."

Ginny's face was a bit green as she stared at something over Hermione's head. "We do not speak his name here. Do you understand?"

Hermione grimaced and shook her head, making Luna lower her hands. "We don't need to speak of anything, Gin."

"No, this is important," Ginny stated. She took a deep breath before saying, "Hermione, when a man and a woman love each other very much—"

"I've had sex before, Ginny!" Hermione cried, with an uncomfortable sensation in her chest. "Specifically with Bi—"

"Uh-uh! No!" Luna slapped her hands over Hermione's mouth again. "Call him You-Know-Who."

There was absolute silence for a few minutes. And then, Ginny's shoulders trembled before she burst into peals of boisterous laughter. Hermione soon followed, her stomach aching at the cackles that left her mouth. Ginny howled and bent over double, clutching her tummy for dear life. "Tha-That's even worse, Lu!"

"Oh, Merlin," Hermione gasped, tears of mirth streaming down her face. Something wet trickled down her cheek, and she cried, "Stop it, my makeup's running!"

Ginny pursed her lips to stop herself from guffawing. She hurried to help Hermione with her makeup, tugging her towards the dressing table and sitting her down. "Luna, clean this mess off her face, and then give me the wipes."

Luna worked at a sedate pace, singing to herself.

Ginny's laughter finally trailed off. Once the only sounds in the room were Luna's nonsensical humming, Ginny cleared her throat and said, "Hermione, I won't say anything now, or else I'll start laughing again, but there's something we wanted to give to you. It's for you and…and your husband."

"She means her oldest brother," Luna said unhelpfully, and Ginny gagged loudly. Luna's eyes widened and she thrust the paper waste basket at Ginny. "Don't throw up on Hermione. The stains won't come out of the dress so easily."

"I brought you here with me so you would keep Hermione from saying the dreaded B-word," Ginny whined, "but you just gave me a terrible mental image that I don't think even Obliviating would get rid of."

"Sorry," Luna said, not at all apologetic. "On the positive side, at least you're not thinking of You-Know-Who and Hermione, right?"

Ginny sniggered and shook her head. "Please don't even say something like that. I'm just thinking of his lack of a nose and how Hermione wouldn't even be able to grab hold of anything because he was bald."

Hermione groaned and buried her face in her hands. "Stop!"

Brushing Hermione's curls, Luna said conversationally, "Kingsley's bald too, but I like running my fingers over his head. It's very smooth and shiny, sort of like a Niffler's butt. Once Kingsley asked me to rub myself over his hea—"

"Okay, moving on," Ginny said loudly, smacking Luna's shoulder. She pulled out a small discreet package from her pocket and handed it to Hermione. "This is one of the twins' bestselling products. I bought one some time ago, and Draco and I love using it in bed. Even Harry and Theo have one each. Pretty sure Mum has one in her drawer too. I swear it works so well you'll want to replace every man on earth with it."

"Considering I'm about to get married to your brother, do you think this is an appropriate present?" Hermione asked, amused by Ginny's review. "Besides, my sex life is fine as it is."

"What I'm wondering is how do you know what your mum uses in bed?" Luna asked curiously.

Ginny grimaced. "Let's not talk about my parents."

"This is a trainwreck of a conversation," Hermione said pointedly. "I can't believe you're giving me a sex toy to use with your brother—a toy that, might I add, not only you use but also your mother, my best friend, and my frenemy."

"Don't forget who it was invented by," Luna added, unhelpful as usual.

Hermione nodded fervently. "Yes, exactly! Your brothers invented this, you and your mum use it, my gay best friend uses it, and now I'm supposed to use it with your brother?"

"Okay, yes, this is a terrible conversation, I agree," Ginny said. Her face had reddened with each word Hermione had uttered. "But think of it this way: your sex life will never be boring again."

"At least they're not using the same toy," Luna added, and Hermione and Ginny groaned. Why had Ginny thought it would be a good idea to bring Luna for this?

Just because Bill and Hermione were Curse Breakers and lived for the adrenaline from their hair-raising adventures, that didn't mean the couple was adventurous in bed. They didn't drizzle chocolate syrup over their bodies or play dress-up. They didn't have sex in public or try choking each other or whatnot. They liked to keep things simple. Easy. Lighthearted. Relaxing.

Their foreplay was studying spells, runes, and hexes and discussing them over dinner. They had talked about their so-called 'boring' sex life and had concluded that they didn't need to be adventurous in bed just because others said so. They preferred quality over a copious amount of meaningless sex, and they were happy with it.

Now, Ginny was offering Hermione a sex toy to spice things up a bit. Hermione hesitated; she didn't want to tell them—and most definitely not a blabbermouth Ginny—what kind of things she and Bill got up to in the bedroom (or in this case, didn't get up to).

Still, she took the package and held it between her thumb and forefinger. "I'm not sure whether I should be offended or grateful for this gift."

"A simple thanks will suffice, and then we can forget we ever spoke about this stuff," Ginny declared.

Hermione agreed.


The wedding had gone off with just a couple of hitches. Fred and George had let off their new-and-improved Filibuster Fireworks, which had almost set fire to the house; Ron had thrown up on Harry after getting drunk off his arse, and Molly had found Luna pegging Kingsley and had almost brought the roof down while attacking the Minister for Magic. Still, Hermione had thoroughly enjoyed the evening, dancing with her husband and her friends, laughing at Harry's toast, and sneaking sweet kisses with Bill when people weren't looking, but she was exhausted by the time Bill had whisked her away.

They landed outside the small cottage Charlie had built for the newly-wed couple to live in, and Bill stood on the doorstep with her in his arms. Hermione smiled as she looked over her shoulder at the sea and mountains in the distance. She turned back to the house and sighed contentedly. "This is beautiful, isn't it?"

Bill hummed and carried her over the threshold. "Charlie did a good job on this, I'll agree."

"I want to look around," she said, tugging on his long hair as he strode towards the bedroom, but Bill didn't stop in his tracks.

"Not tonight. You're just as tired as I am—and don't bother lying to me, witch. I'm your husband, and I know everything," Bill stated, kicking the door open and walking inside.

A floor-length mirror on the wall behind Bill caught Hermione's eye just before Bill tossed her on the bed. The bedsprings creaked, the mattress bounced, and soft rose petals that had been placed strategically on the bed flew up around her. Hermione laughed as she fell onto her back on the petals. But then, her brow furrowed when she found herself staring up at her own reflection.

She was glowing. Her skin was flushed, and her eyes were bright. Her curls were flying about her face, but most importantly, she looked happy. She was happy.

Still, she asked, "Uh, Bill? Why's there a mirror on the ceiling?"

Bill, who was already stripping his clothes off by the foot of the bed, paused in unbuttoning his shirt sleeves and tilted his head up. He frowned, confused, and suddenly swallowed. His Adam's apple bobbed under his pale, rough skin that Hermione had tasted so many times before. He growled, his voice husky, "Charlie…I told him to keep things simple, but he never listens. He thinks we need to spice things up or some shit. Never mind, we'll get rid of it tomorrow."

He continued undressing. He unbuttoned his shirt quickly, his fingers nimble as he worked. The soft trail of hair on his pecs soon came into view. He reached his arms behind to pull the sleeves past his wrists and off his fingers; the shirt slipped down his broad shoulders and fell to the ground.

Hermione's mouth watered at the sudden buffet-like item in front of her. She swallowed, her eyes trained on Bill's chest, and squeezed her legs shut, needing some sort of friction against the sudden heat travelling straight to her core. A strange sound escaped her parted lips, and Bill froze.

His dark eyes narrowed in on her clenched thighs, and a devious smirk flirted on his thin lips. His tongue poked out before he slowly dragged it over his lower lip. His voice was dark and throaty, sending shivers of pleasure down her spine, when he whispered, "Does someone need attention?"

Moaning, Hermione propped herself up on her elbows. "Well…I only need my husband's attention."

Bill smiled and hooked his fingers in the belt loops of his trousers before pulling them down in one go. His cock bulged under the fabric of his underwear, and he tugged it off as well. His cock bobbed as he crawled up on the bed and grabbed her waist, swiftly rolling her onto her front. "As you wish, my dear."

He unzipped her dress, dragged it down her body, and helped her wrestle it off. Hermione laughed and rolled onto her back, parting her legs, and Bill crawled in between her thighs. He grinned and hovered over her body, his upper arms straining with the effort. Hermione wrapped her arms around his shoulders, feeling the muscles bunch under her fingers.

Bill rubbed the head of his cock up and down her wet slit, teasing her a bit. Hermione kept her eyes trained on him as he slowly lowered and pushed his cock inside her. A low growl erupted through his chest, and his eyes darkened when her muscles clamped down on him. Clenching his eyes shut, he hissed through his teeth, "Hermione."

Her name sounded like the filthiest curse word ever spoken. She shivered and dropped her head onto the pillow, closing her eyes as she savoured the feel of his thick hard length inside her. When Bill began to move over her, his long hair tickling the side of her neck, Hermione opened her eyes. And gasped.

Over their heads, their reflections moved in sync. Hermione's jaw hung as she gaped at the way the muscles in Bill's back bunched as he slid in and out of her slowly, sweat beading on his shoulder blades. She had never had the opportunity to watch his spine arch so deliciously while he was balls-deep inside her. Hermione's own thighs looked a bit wonky and jiggled a bit, but she couldn't muster up any of her old self-esteem issues.

Bill loved her. And she was well aware of it. It was in the way he moved over her, the way he gripped her hips, the way he grunted in her neck and peppered hot kisses over her shoulder, the way his thighs clenched in the effort to hold back his true strength, the way his toes curled while he tucked her flyaway curls behind her ear. It was in the way Bill looked down at her, his eyes dark yet inviting, intense yet warm, full of love and adoration and deep, deep desire.

At that thought, her inner muscles clenched, forcefully holding his cock inside her, and Bill stuttered in his consistent movements. His breath hitched and he choked out a weak, "Hermione, fuck, that's so good," against her throat, and she smiled and squeezed his cock again.

Bill moaned again and sped up his thrusts, this time his movements erratic and unhinged.

Hermione had never felt so powerful yet feminine than at that exact moment. And all it had taken was a ceiling mirror.