Disclaimer- Sadly, I own nothing ( In my dreams, Ares is mine though :))
"So….how was your little hunting trip ?'' I ask her as soon as I see her coming out those wild rose bushes, her forearms all covered in scratches and her hair ….well, there are no right words to describe that tow yarn covering her head really and hey, without being judgmental and all, the Harpy is in desperate need for a bath- can't actually tell if she's aware of it or not.
She doesn't answer right away but that scandalized glare pretty much says it all .She must have sensed the irony in my voice .Can't help it …
''Laugh all you want, Ares, but that rabbit, I nearly had it! I was this close!''she feels the need to fight back- with a surprising amount of energy given the fact that the sun is almost down and by Zeus himself it has been a looooong day….-more like endless come to think of it….
''Oh, I'm not laughing- I find it pretty lame actually . Being around Xena 24/7 and to still be unable to kill such a tiny creature of the forest- that says a lot about your learning capacity.'' I carelessly reply- and I'm not even making an effort to insult her, it just comes out naturally- stretching my legs and making myself even more comfortable on the brownish black fur I've just materialized on my side of the fire .
''Very funny ,War God! Well, just so you know, in order to kill it , I have to catch it first and that rabbit might have been tiny but it was fast! Faster than any rabbit I have ever seen ! And smart !Boy was he smart ! It was like he almost knew what I was planning to do to him once I …..''she keeps on ranting untill suddenly, she stops. Blessed silence…!
''Did you hear that ?''
''Yeah …''I reply, yawning.
''It comes from behind those trees over there …''she says, staring into the woods, squinting her eyes as if wanting to pierce through the half darkness of the evening.
''Maybe it's the rabbit ….''she childishly assumes, grabbing her staff, ready to charge.
''Wanna hit him in the head with that ?! ….a bit primitive, don't you think?''I just have to remark, briefly wondering whether she is serious about the damned animal or she's just trying to make small talk.
''Well do you have a better idea?!''
''Will you sit down already, and stop drawing unwanted attention ? There are six men there – part of a gang of petty bandits that are looking for either gold or a good fuck . They have been following us for about two hours and they are currently planning a surprise attack …..''
''Six?! Let me at'em! I will eat them alive !'' she yells like a lunatic and for some reason, looking at her now, all I can think about is a drunken chicken wandering aimlessly through the backyard of some hovel in a hot summer afternoon- so I can't really pretend to be shocked when I hear one of the thugs howling that animated ''Noooow!'' I have been desperately yearning for. Finally, some action !
''Good girl! There's your chance!'' I mockingly encourage her, a big grin on my face as I take a generous bite out of one of those fried chicken drumsticks I've just materialized in a wooden bowl in front of me . ''This is going to be interesting…..'' I mutter, chewing enthusiastically ,without taking my eyes from the poor losers heading her way, yelling as if they are about to knock down the gates of Troy and I just huff at the cheap theatrality of the situation. Too easy….Not my cup of tea, I swiftly decide, taking a sip of wine to go with the chicken.
''Aresss!'' the Bard screams at the top of her lungs.
Is it me or that is panic I'm sensing in her voice?
''Aresssss!"
Nope...that's definitely frustration.
'' What are you doing ?'' she yells, barely blocking the first blow that was meant to separate her head from her body.
''What does it look like I'm doing? Having dinner …''
''Well do you mind ?!'' she retorts just as she perfectly manages to kick one of the guys straight in the balls after her staff has just hammered- almost lethally may I add- another one's neck, nearly crushing his windpipe- two centimeters to the left and she would have nailed him.
''Mind what ?'' I nonchalantly ask , as if I don't know what she's talking about, clapping appreciatively as she stubbornly stands her ground, efficiently blocking a few more attempts at her physical integrity.
''Giving me a hand, here ?'' she pleads , struggling to inhale as her back finally hits the ground loud enough for me to wince in pain.
''That must have hurt...''
An endless series of kicks aimed at her ribs, cheerfully offered by the other two angry men left standing- while one of their companions looks utterly determined to get up and pick up from where he left off- finally get my attention.
''Hey! '' I yell, throwing a drumstick at one of them- hitting him square in the head. ''Did you happen to see a rabbit around here while you were spying on us, by any chance?''
They both stop their frantic assault and look at me as if I've just raped and killed their sisters. So much misplaced anger….I sigh, watching them bemused as they, in their turn, hit the ground the very moment they decide to save the babbling Bard for later and to pick on someone their own size instead, cause it literally takes a second for Harpielle to get back on her feet and beat the living Tartraus out of them, all this while cursing in a language I have only heard in the most infamous Athenian brothels.
I'm almost impressed, I must admit, taking a mental note of just how good her reflexes are when the leader of the gang tries to smash her head with a rock.
''Atta girl! '' I shout, as she unleashes what is left of that shock wave of fury on him and, belive it or not, the worm finally decides to make a run for it. Go figure!
I zap him in the ass with a lightning bolt anyway just for fun. Entertainment is vital in my line of work- keeps you sane…..
''Did you see that?! '' she asks, ten minutes later once she's stopped pacing back and forth the camp area.
''I sure did …'' I answer, throwing her a piece of chicken breast. ''Here, have some. You've earned it .''
''How generous of you…I'm not your dog, Ares! You don't need to feed me. I can find my own food!'' she spits out, throwing the meat back at me and I can't help thinking that Xena did leave her mark on her….I mean, how could she not….?!
''Suit yourself. But I can promise you, that rabbit isn't coming back….-ever…'' I find it in myself to clarify, gulping down the rest of the wine while carefully analyzing her every reaction. Good reflexes or not, the Bard is a walking disaster-I conclude as she stumbles over her frying pan, only to noisily fall over the pile of scrolls she has placed near her bedroll earlier tonight- very dangerous, even for God …For all I know she could accidentally kill me in my sleep somehow.
''Good for him! You saw what I can do !'' she brags, dusting her skirt off and looking around for something…''I'll just eat some berries ….'' she mutters, heading for one of the bushes.
''Wouldn't do that if I were you. Not if you still want to make it to Potidea in this lifetime …''I harshly mention and despite the general contempt I feel when it comes to her, I suddenly realize I sound almost paternal-quite pathetic, I know!
She doesn't seem to hear me though, or she plainly chose to ignore me cause she keeps picking a few of those reddish fruit that she has every intention of eating.
''You do realize those are highly toxic, right? Mezeron- you must have heard of it-choking, headaches, nausea, abdominal pain, and diarrhea, you name it...Fatal in most cases, I add, finally managing to stop her from killing herself.
" Didn't know biology was your strong suit. Ares- God of War and Poisonous Plants...who would have thought? " she laughs, heading for her bedroll.
"Well it so happens I've been around for a few eons. Learning a thing or two about the environment was unavoidable I guess.'' I suddenly hear myself talking, explaining myself to her out of all people..This babysitting thing has probably affected my brain functions...
„I bet...'' she whispers.''I wonder what Xena's doing? Did she get to Thebes? Is she all right ? What if she's in some kind of trouble ? Danger seems to follow her everywhere…..''For some reason, her dramatic change in tone gives me the chills.
''She's fine …'' I try to reassure her, gazing longingly into the flames.
''How do you know? Bad things can happen even to the best of warriors. It only takes one moment of…''
''I just know, ok ?!'' I abruptly interrupt her, avoiding eye contact. I can't stand this subject. The mere thought of ever losing my Princess is unbearable and as much as I hate to admit it, Blondie's right. No one can be the best forever. One slip, one wrong move might bring about the end of it all ….
Revolted by the idea, I shake my head, adamant about chasing those negative thoughts away…
''I can sense these things when it comes to her …''I murmur and with a wave of my hand I make a hot bowl of soup appear in front of her, along with some slow cooked rabbit stew which I'm pretty sure she'll appreciate. ''Eat something . I wouldn't like Xena to say I let her sidekick starve to death.''
''Sidekick ?! Really Ares, that's the best you can do ?!''
''Oh please! That was me being kind….''
''Thanks…I'll take it as a compliment then.''
''It wasn't really meant as a compliment but hey, whatever makes you feel good about yourself…''
Her mouth opens, than carefully closes while her brain is doing some more processing – just to open back again…..
''You don't really like me , do you ? ''
''Gee, does it show ?'' the words blurt out of my mouth and it stuns me that she actually looks offended by my statement.
''Why not? What did I ever do to you ? You don't even know me ….I'm quite a likeable person, just in case you were wondering ….Everyone likes me. I'm quite popular …''
''Well, just so we're clear, I wasn't wondering and who exactly is everyone ?….Your mother …..your sister….your grandma, maybe?''
''You know, for such an unpopular God, you're incredibly cocky !'' she spits, glaring daggers at me.
She's crazy …..
''Unpopular ?! Me?!What are you talking about Blondie ? People worship my name all over Greece.''
''That's either because they fear you or they need you . They certainly don't do it because of your so called popularity…''
…..and annoying…..Still, she might have a point there….
''Regardless. Between us two, I am the only one with the temples ok ?!'' I emphasize, as loud as I can.
''Regardless….''she mockingly echoes, her eyes narrowing at the thought. ''I still don't get it…..'' she mentions, slowly sipping on that hot, tasty liquid, probably deciding that she's starving after all. ''It doesn't make sense. Why would Xena ask you out of all people to accompany me to Potidea? I mean, I can obviously take care of myself.."
''I'd have to disagree with you on that ….'' I bluntly contradict her, arching an eyebrow at her own scandalized expression.
''Are you kidding me ? Those guys…''
''Those guys would have beaten the crap out of you- kicked you until you stopped breathing….''I casually mutter the last part in the goblet. She hears me anyway….
''Oh that?'' she laughs ''That was actually a strategy – trying to hide my skills so that I could surprise them later….Xena does it all the time….'' and for the love of all muses I can't help laughing at that absolutely ridiculous comparison.'' She probably only wanted me to be safe, right? She can be so overprotective when it is definitely not the case! And it's not like I haven't told her that at least a million times before, but does she ever listen ? NOOOOOO! And yet, to pick you as my own personal guard, out of all capable warriors out there -that's too much even for her….''
''You say guard, I say baby sitter- and did I hear you right?! Are you doubting my fighting skills by any chance ?''
''Well it's not like you showed them off ….You barely bothered lifting your lazy ass off that fur….!''
I just shrug nonchalantly at her keen observation. I obstinately refused to flex a muscle during that squabble, so...
''Did you actually expect to see the God of War fighting a bunch of maggots?!''
She just stares at me disapprovingly.
''Ares, come on…. !What's actually going on here cause something's obviously wrong with this picture!'' she insists, pointing at us both, and by the looks of it, she did not buy the original explanation- not that I feel I any way compelled to offer her any…
''As Xena well put it, I owe her a favor …And here I am …''
''What favor?! What is it with you two and favours, anyway? You always seem the be owing each other... something….'' she keeps pushing while absently rubbing her neck.
''That's none of your business. Plus….it's personal …''
''Personal, huh…?''
''Yeah personal….Are you familiar with the concept?"'
She just rolls her eyes at me, shaking her head thoughtfully.
''Can I ask you something ? Well ….there are two questions, actually …I did try to get some actual answers from Xena but she's always beating around the bush whenever the subject comes up- You know her – not your average talkative type .''
I just arch an inquisitive brow at her , half intrigued by her uncalled for curiosity.
''So….back when she was leading your army ….''
''Yes?"'
''Have you ever….Did you ? Ummmm….'' she hesitates.
''Yeah?!''
''I mean….I know Xena ….She would have never stoop as low as to sleep with you but ….?''
''Excuse me ….?!''
''Well, no offense, but you're just not her type …..''
''Really ?!" I nearly shout my surprise, unspeakably tempted to open up a portal and bluntly show her just how low she did stoop this very morning but I'm not that dumb –I'm well aware of the consequences so I just bite my tongue and decide to let her enjoy her happy happy life in that perfect little bubble of hers -for now….
''I mean it's as clear as day….I've always pictured her with a hero…''
''A hero …..'' and I can tell where this is going….
''Yes….Hercules or Achilles…..''
''Jerkules?! Are you kidding me? That weasel ?! ''I blow up as an avalanche of memories take over my mind .
''Or Achilles….'' she simply murmurs , as if having suddenly realized her dreadful mistake…..She might have seen the darkness in my eyes….
''Yeah well Achilles is dead!'' I spitefully reply, laying on my back and gazing at the stars, making an effort to keep myself from snapping her stiff neck then and there. By Zeus, it would only take one second…
''You're in love with her, aren't you ?'' she finally inquires as she pulls the blanket over her as if that piece of fabric could miraculously save her life if it were the case.
I part my lips to answer , but no words come out. I keep staring at the sky instead.
''The blue eyes, the dark hair, the chakram, the leather….What's there not to love huh?'' she pushes, and I feel almost embarrassed. Can't believe she had the nerve to bring it up!
''I'm not discussing my private life with you Blondie, ok ? ''
''Don't worry . Your secret's safe with me…'' she whispers, turning around to face me, and though I still refuse to look her way, I can clearly feel the intensity of her gaze.
''Are we done with the interrogatory, already ?''
''I only have one more question. It was you who gave her the chakram, wasn't it? I mean, it must have been you….''
''What makes you think that ?''
''I don't know …it just makes sense …For some reason- that I will never be able to understand-Xena thinks I live on another planet and that I couldn't have heard the rumours- I mean, people do talk and we do spend most of our time travelling. Not to mention that taverns are by far the ideal places to uncover pretty much anyone's dirty secrets…''
''What do you mean ?What rumours?''
''About the God of War and his Chosen- who just happens to be known as the Warrior Princess…''
I just lift my brows – not really sure whether to hide my surprise or not …
''Whaddya know ...'' I mutter, clicking my tongue.
''Plus I'm a bard, Ares. There's no point in denying it, really …''
''Wasn't going to…''
''You weren't ?! ''
''Nope . Why would I ?''
''My point's exactly .So it is true ! You did give her the chakram !'she exclaims with an unmasked joy of a child who first catches a glimpse of his Solstice present under the tree.
''By Zeus, Blondie, you are smarter than you look !''I remark, making sure to add plenty of irony to those words, enough to choke her with it.
''How did it happen ? When ? Why? You have to tell me everything in detail !''she pleads, and by the time she stops talking, there's already a parchment and a quill in her hand.
''No I don't .'' I simply tease her- just because I can.
''Oh come on, Ares. Please! Someone has to write this down in a correct form. There are at least a thousand versions of the story out there , each one more ridiculous than the other , and I can bet my staff they are as far from the truth as I am to becoming a Goddess….''
''So ? Just why would peasant gossip impress me in any way ?''
''Seriously ?! Maybe because you are the God of War, to begin with! Your deeds must be accurately recorded by someone ….worthy of this …job …..'' she tries to convince me , and I am genuinely and officially amused by the whole situation .Here we are, Harpielle and I , bonding in the strangest way over our one and only common interest –Xena . Imagine that !
''And let me guess-you are the worthy one!''
''Thank you ! I knew you would agree with me .How could you not, right?''
''Actually, I …''
''Don't be nervous now….I'll be as objective as the Athenian law….Spartan- I meant the Spartan law…''she quickly corrects, the very moment she realizes her horrendous mistake….''So…..I'm all ears….Do you want me to ask questions or would you rather do the talking ?'' she inquires, as if her endless chatter hasn't done enough damage to my eardrums up to this point….
''Just..listen …..''
''Ok! Cause if you're more comfortable with me asking….''
The light blue energy ball forming in my palm makes her finish that sentence in her head though .Then, as if nothing happened, I thoughtfully materialize a candle by her bedroll , just to offer some extra light.
''Thanks, I guess !''
A long awkward pause-that nearly makes me change my mind- follows. As if seeing right through me, she quickly intervenes though, putting a halt to my intentions.
''Ready when you are ….''
Despite myself, I close my eyes for a bit. Everything inside me would give the world just to relieve at least for an hour those glorious moments with her riding by my side into battle …..By the Fates it almost feels like a different lifetime- and that is somewhat scary.
''I have known about the two chakrams for quite awhile by the time I actually offered her the one that is currently in her possession.''I start, and it strikes me that it sounds strangely similar to a confession.
''Two chakrams? Did you say TWO ? There are actually two of them?!'' she shrieks, her eyes almost popping out of her head.
''Yes.''I briefly answer doing my best not to snap at her. ''The Dark Chakram and the Light one- two deadly weapons that were created as mirror images of each other , so alike but at the same time so very different, meant to function in perfect balance given their opposite nature..''
'' ….their opposite nature …..Got it …'' she mumbles while writing down even the last words on that parchment.
''Ever since I met Xena, I just knew a magnificent warrior like her, had to possess a weapon to match her strength and determination, a unique blade of some kind that not only could offer her a huge advantage in battle –not many were aware something like that even existed, let alone how to wield it properly- but to also become her signature weapon. When she accepted her status as my Chosen later on, it was just a matter of waiting for the right moment . And it finally came, the day she officially pledged herself to me in front of the Fates- a precious gift , a sign of appreciation if you will, in exchange of her unbreakable loyalty.''
''And that happened in front of the Fates themselves ?!'' she once again interrupts, apparently shocked by the detail.''Does that mean that your union is….eternal…. ?''
''Eternal and unbreakable by mortals or gods …At least that's what the vows said ….''
For a few seconds, she stops writing , drawn in thought, seemingly undecided whether she was supposed to record that or not .
''Something wrong ?''
''No…I was just thinking …There are so many things I didn't know about her…I mean…Why? Why would she keep that a secret? -she knows everything about me…''she asks in what must have been the most scandalized tone I have heard in my long immortal existence.
''Maybe because it was none of your damn business, again-just sayin'…''
''Best friends should tell each other everything, Ares! It's part of a vital process called trust building . Have you ever heard of that ?!"
''I might have …'' I answer, grinning at her.
''Why the Dark Chakram anyway ? Why didn't you give her the Chakram of Light?''
''Well, mainly because I value my life ...''
''Meaning?''
''In order to be able to snatch one of those two beauties from the sacred altar they were placed on, you need to either have the darkest of souls or the purest of hearts . ''
''Are you telling me you have the darkest of souls ?'' she mocks, bursting into laughter a second later. ''Come on, Ares ! That's a bit too much,don't you think?''
It is my turn to burst into laughter.
''You're right. I should have definitely gone for the Light Chakram '' I reply, wiping my tears with the back of my hand .''By the Gods, Blondie you are something else!''
''What's so funny ?'' she demands to know, and I can't believe someone could actually be that innocent.
''So let's see….I am the God of War, right ? I've been around for eons, so that means I have orchestrated millions of battles from the beginning of time, which can only lead to the assumption that countless victims have been sent straight to Hades by my hand- directly or indirectly and you're still wondering why it is that I gave Xena the Dark Chakram ?! This has to be the craziest thing I've heard this century!'' I barely clarify, still struggling to breathe properly after that endless fit of uncontrollable laughter.
''Hmmmm.''she ponders, and I can almost see the wheels turning in her head while she's methodically revewing my previous statement. ''So, that basically makes you an immortal serial killer…''
''I'm not much into labeling people but ….something along those lines…''
''No wonder Xena always says you're bad for her.''
And that feels like a slap in the face ….
''Xena's just overreacting .Anything else you'd like to know on the subject, Bard?''
''Did it take her a long time to master it ?''
''Actually it happened faster than I'd originally anticipated. She's a fast learner- unlike other people I know-. Her hands were bleeding heavily that night and yet she refused to stop- she's that stubborn!''I utter proudly, a flow of energy filling my veins at the mere remembrance of that absolutely divine moment.
''Ares….?'' For a split second her voice sounds identical to Xena's. But only for a second. ''Do you ever feel lonely ?''
''Not that lonely if that's what you're asking,'' I bark defensively. Such scenario is out of the question!
''Trust me , it's not…''
''I'm too busy to feel lonely…..''
''Hmmm…''
''Hmmmm what ?''
''So that's the solution…..Keep your mind busy to forget all about it…''
''Why ? Do you feel lonely ? Do you feel suicidal?'' I jokingly question, but I regret it the instant the words leave my mouth .It was too much and I can imediately feel the change in her aura. She's hurting…..
''Sometimes…..''she hesitantly answers and the sadness in her voice is just impossible to ignore.
''Lonely or suicidal ?''
''A little bit of both, I suppose….After Perdicas died, I was lost for awhile….He was such a good man….He didn't deserve to die-it's just so unfair….
''Did you love him ?''I ask, sounding surprisingly emphatic- almost human.
''I did …more than I thought …And I didn't even get to say goodbye. That was heart wrenching...At least he died in my arms –at least I have that…Gods how I hate Callisto! ….And to think I was certain her death would bring me peace, knowing that Perdicus' death has been avenged….But no…It only brought even more nightmares….''
''Yeah…Revenge is a bitch….''
''Anyway. You could never understand , I mean, you're a god…What could you possibly know about loss?''
''More than you know…'' I whisper back, and I can see her smiling faintly before closing her eyes.''Dealing with loss is never easy, Blondie. Just take it one day at a time.''
''One day at a time'' she repeats in a low, half broken tonality, pulling the blanket even tighter around her. It's unusually chilly for a summer night.
''It might not seem like much but it will wear off in time, the pain...It always does.''
''I hope so.'' she answers, trying to fight back the tears welling up in her eyes.
''Do you know what they say about tears?'' I ask , casually waving my hand and adding an extra blanket over her own. ''They are meant to cleanse the soul and mend all wounds.''
''That's beautiful. You're a good listener….Who would have thought?'' she says with a bitter laugh. ''Good night Ares.''
''Good night…'' I mumble, finally chasing away the discomfort. Contrary to my usual nightly routine, I also allow my eyes to rest for a little while , carefully projecting an energy shield around our camp, just in case.
….The memories from that morning are still fresh in my mind and my body can't help but react to them…..By all Gods and Goddesses, my Princess is one of a kind….
...Now before you accuse me of anything immoral – which we all know is so unlike me -let me tell ya' exactly what happened that got me into this preposterous situation with the irritating Blonde, in the first place….
STICK AROUND FOR PART II :)
