"I'd give up forever to touch you", Ichigo whispered, twirling a strand of Byakuya's raven hair.
"There is no need to resort to such extremes," Byakuya replied. Ichigo chuckled; the war had taken its toll on both of them, but Byakuya had remained the same. Well, more or less. Ichigo knew the way Byakuya dreamt of As Nodt sometimes, when he'd jolt awake at midnight. On his face would be a moment of terror, followed by a softening of his features into acceptance. Ichigo often wondered if he softened because he thought of being reunited with Hisana somehow, but he was never the jealous type and so he let it go.
Besides, after Byakuya would realise it was all a dream, he'd look at Ichigo to make sure he hadn't woken him up and kiss his forehead before slipping back into sleep. Ichigo was glad that he'd be half-awake to witness this act of tenderness, but he never told Byakuya. He knew that his lover was a proud man, and he would never intrude upon this moment of pure vulnerability unless he knew Byakuya needed his help. And so far, he never had.
Now, they laid in bed, brown eyes warming up Byakuya's grey.
"Once upon a time, I would have never wanted the world to see me like this. I did not think that they'd understand," Byakuya softly said. Ichigo knew what 'this' meant. He'd spent long years sneaking into his lover's bedchambers at night, a thief by moonlight just so no one in Soul Society found out. But 'this' also meant happiness - Byakuya had been afraid of seeming happy and content again. His lack of emotion had become his armour, and to tell the world that you have loved again is to tell the world that you are weak. That your heart is now outside your body, in the arms of someone else. Ripe for the breaking.
That is why, for many years, Ichigo had held his hands by moonlight and bickered with him by daylight. Everyone passing by would chuckle and say, "Captain Kurosaki is at it again!" And then they'd marvel at Captain Kuchiki's patience and composure. Renji and Rukia had long known - they'd just smirk at Ichigo whenever they passed by. Sometimes Rukia would drop food off to her brother. They'd grown a lot closer since the war, or perhaps Byakuya had learnt to be more expressive.
And that was that, days of peace. But everything is meant to be broken, and so did Ichigo's patience break. He was not a jealous man, but as he was headed to Byakuya's office with some paperwork he had personally decided to deliver, he saw a woman talking to Byakuya. He did not know her and she was probably not a ranked officer. She was deferential, but all the respect in the world could not hide the attraction and desire in her eyes as she spoke to Byakuya. Ichigo knew Byakuya probably did not even look into her eyes for long enough to realise this, and he had eyes for no one else. The man was staunchly, unwaveringly, unflinchingly faithful. The problem was never with Byakuya, but it had been Ichigo's. Stolen kisses and stifled moans had long ceased to be enough for him. He had wanted to love Byakuya openly, look at him in a way that would put the woman's desiring gaze to shame.
That night, Ichigo guessed it was around four years ago now, he had snuck into Byakuya's bedchambers as normal. Byakuya was expecting him, and gently tilted his chin into a kiss. Ichigo had threaded his hand through Byakuya's hair, the other hand slipping his robes off his firm shoulder. But then, he had broken away. "We need to talk," he had said, and watched a sliver of worry cut through Byakuya's handsome face.
"Of course," Byakuya replied.
"Look, I was perfectly happy with our arrangement. I like you and you like me, and I understood why we did not want to make our relationship public," Ichigo began, and he held Byakuya's hand. "Ever since the very beginning, I've wanted you to know who I am. In the beginning, when Rukia gave me her powers, I wanted you to know me as a capable man, as someone worthy of these powers. Then, I've wanted you to know who I am behind closed doors, where I don't have to be a brother or a friend or a saviour. And you did get to know me, but there's one last thing."
Byakuya had reached for Ichigo's other hand as a response, and he had waited for him to continue.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm in love with you. It's beyond 'like' or simply loving the idea of you or the things we do at night. I want you in the daytime too, I want everyone to know we are each other's," Ichigo himself had looked quite flustered at these words - it was his first time hearing his feelings said out loud, and they seemed so foreign to him. He wanted to go on and on and talk about the way Byakuya made him feel, but he needed to know Byakuya's thoughts. On cue, the raven haired man spoke.
"This is difficult to admit, and I would admit it to no one except you, but I have been afraid," Byakuya started, looking into Ichigo's eyes. "I look forward to every moment with you, and you have been someone very special to me for a long time. But those three words have been difficult to say."
"I understand, and I don't want to rush you into something you're not ready for," Ichigo reassured him hurriedly.
"The issue," Byakuya continued, "is that I am ready."
He leaned forward and kissed Ichigo, and it was a soft kiss, not a rough one bestowed in the throes of passion.
Ichigo smiled as he reminisced about the light flush on Byakuya's cheeks after that kiss four years ago. After that, they had stopped hiding. Not all of it had been smooth sailing - the war had happened. And Ichigo had nearly lost the love of his life.
But here they were.
"You didn't think the world would understand? I would've made them get it," Ichigo teased in reply.
"How so?" Byakuya questioned.
"Whoever refused to understand or accept us would have to eat that gross seaweed snack of yours till they changed their minds," Ichigo said as his eyes creased in laughter.
Byakuya looked at him for a moment, the way the moonlight fought against the vivid orange of his hair, the way his cheeks dimpled as he laughed, his robes loosely tied around his waist.
"Thank you for reminding me I have a new flavour of it I'd like you to try," Byakuya said with a slight smile on his otherwise placid face. Ichigo panicked for a second and realised what he had to do to prevent Byakuya from leaving to fetch the snack. He rolled on top of Byakuya, pinning him down. Ichigo kissed Byakuya deeply, hands feeling the rhythm of his heart on his chest. Something crossed his mind, and he gently broke away.
"You know, if the human concept of 'heaven' was real, I think being with you would be as close to it as I'd ever be."
Hello! I'm back on Fanfiction after around seven years, life sure did get in the way. A lot has changed, and I'm not sure if any of my followers are still around so please say hi if you are! And if you're new, I'd love feedback and some input about what to write next. Thank you :)
