The fire was winding down and after a couple of hours they'd both fallen asleep, Braxiatel finally dozing off from boredom and exhaustion. The study still had lights on from a couple of the antique lamps, but it was cosy and dim enough that it didn't seem to bother them. Despite it not being in a bed, and the awkward positioning, it was actually the best sleep the two of them had gotten in ages.
Benny snored, but whatever dream she had was interrupted and her eyes fluttered open, pounding pain from the hangover finally rearing its ugly head. Her ugly, ugly head. She groaned quietly and mumbled. "Ughhhhh... Huh? What? Brax... BRAX?!" seeing him from below and getting a clue of what was going on startling her so much that in a flailing tangle of limbs, Bernice hit her head on the armrest. "Oof..."
Braxiatel winced. "Ooof! Benny, watch where you're putting your elbows! Do you always wake up with such force?" he shouted as she fell out of the chair, landing on her bum.
Massaging her thigh to make sure it was alright and getting up into a crouch, she snarked, "Mmmm... Only when I wake up somewhere I don't remember falling asleep..." Then she actually thought about how she could've possibly actually ended up here, and her eyes widened in shock, concern, and curiosity. "...Did it really happen then? Exactly how stupid was I?"
He stood up, brushed himself off (including fixing his hair to the best of his ability,) and took her hand to help her up off of the floor. "Nearly unintelligible at times, but I'm quite sure that it was just the alcohol speaking."
Benny sat down on the coffee table and raised an eyebrow, sceptical at best. Falling asleep there didn't seem even remotely in character for either of them. "Then why did I wake up in your lap? I'm not one to judge, but how much wine did you have to drink for, uh- this."
Sitting back down and twiddling his thumbs, Braxiatel replied. "Hardly any actually. Barely hit me at all."
That rather unfortunately knocked a few possibilities off the list. If he matched her or went further, karaoke was not off the table. Or terrible dancing. Or both. Shock, awe, terror, hope, and possibly even more intense emotions ran through her, and it was very evident, even to him. "Then how? Did you- did you AGREE with me? BRAX?!" If this was correct, and she had indeed said what she thought she did- Benny could only think he was insane. Well, more insane.
He rubbed the back of his neck, staring at a particularly interesting corner of the fresco on the ceiling. "You asked for a hug, and I said yes... and I was going to stand up, but you just crawled into my lap and fell asleep and it- just seemed a bit rude to wake you..."
She shook her head and rubbed her hands on her temples, massaging her head. At least the pain right now was mild, thanks to other things distracting her from it at the moment. "Drunk hugs aren't usually my thing, Brax. You know very well I'm not touchy-feely when I get hammered, unless it's for- ahem... other reasons. Tell me exactly what I said and I'll decide how much I need to panic."
The pointed question made him shift uncomfortably. It seemed like he wanted to get up and leave without saying goodbye or talking to her for several days, then pretend like nothing ever happened between them at all. But she'd backed him into a corner. He'd have to give some sort of answer. And right now he didn't have the time or the mental faculties up and running enough to think of a good lie, though he didn't want to start lying to her that much again, even if it was for her sake. Taking a breath to calm his nerves, he stuttered, "Well, erm... you said, um... You said you- you... loved me. And then you cried. And there was something about almost dying and having not told me..."
She was afraid he'd say something like that. It shouldn't have happened. Their relationship was deep, but its nature rather fragile. Whether they were best of friends or the bitterest of rivals always seemed to be something they had to walk on eggshells to keep straight. One wrong move, one egg cracked, and they'd lose what they built again. Years of progress really fixing things could be gone in an instant.
Bernice swallowed, not letting herself cry again this time. A faint taste of the beverage they'd shared was still on her tongue, along with mild saltiness from shed tears. He wasn't lying back to her, at least. This was enough proof of that. She couldn't decide if this was a bad taste now. Just that it was there, and it seemed very, very important to what they'd do next. "I- I'm sorry. If this ruins things between us, blame me. I probably deserve it this time. ...I'd really better go..." She got up to leave his study, with the knowledge that she'd quite possibly never be allowed back- before he grabbed hold of her hand and stopped Benny in her tracks.
"It doesn't ruin anything between us, Benny. I also care for you very deeply." His voice was soft and whispery, slightly hoarse for him too. Almost human, in its own way.
She looked back with a face completely unsure of itself to one equally afraid and confused. Taking one more step to balance herself, something loudly crackled beneath her boot. "Oww... I think I stepped in- there's broken glass on the floor. Alright, if I didn't ruin our relationship, that is definitely my fault."
"Yes, you did drop your glass. Oh dear, we had better get that cleaned up. Back to the infirmary again, I guess." It was really too dim at ground level to see that she was wearing shoes, but Benny assured him.
"I don't think I actually cut myself. It was more startling than anything else. With... everything else." She gestured to him, herself, the glass, and the two empty bottles of wine on the table, one on its side.
He clapped his hands together, making her wince from the noise. "Ah! Good, well come away from there then, I'll have the janitorial staff take care of the glass, maybe shampoo the carpet..." She was starting to stumble again now, so he kept hold of her hand as she got out of the small 'blast zone' left from where it got dropped.
"Thanks," she smiled. Before the pounding in her head really came back full force. All that adrenaline pumping through, keeping her vigilant in case it went awry- gone. "Ugh- really starting to feel that hangover now. Yay..." Bernice sighed.
Again Brax made a simple, tantalizing suggestion.
"Perhaps some coffee is in order."
She struggled out a weary smile again. "God, yes. I couldn't think of anything better myself. I need something strong."
"I'm sure we could arrange that. And perhaps some breakfast..." Which went down about as well as one might expect. Bernice being peckish was an understatement.
She yawned, cleared her head the best could be done, and fidgeted in place with pent-up energy making its way to the surface. "I'll help out. Need something to do, get up, walk around. Make coffee. Might not end up fancy, but I need to be a functional person once in a while."
"Well, I'm sure we'll make do with possibly not fancy for at least one morning."
He held another door open for her and they came into Braxiatel's suite kitchen. Not particularly large, or with nearly as much variety as the main one, but nearby and private. Personal. Alone. Like they needed to be right now.
Looking one cabinet over for a good coffee blend, Benny commented, "I could think of worse. Right now I think I... just want toast. Something simple while I contemplate my life choices. You might have made me feel better for now but I think I'm just going to be like this for a while. Will you be able to deal with it all?"
He huffed, not really getting the question. "Be like what? Hungover? I'm sure we could fix that easily enough."
"Oh, just dissociating because I won't be able to decide whether this entire thing was a mistake. Human things. Hungover, I'm more than confident in your ability to deal with me," she snorted.
Loudly the grinder did its work. Not doing either of them any favours at the moment, but the reward would be worth it. Stopping, shaking it out into a filter, and pouring the water over, now they'd just need to perform the agonizing wait as it brewed something delicious and dark.
"I'm taking a bit to process things myself, frankly. I'm... sure you won't be surprised to hear that I'm not particularly good at this sort of thing. I don't have much practice." He reevaluated that statement. "Or... um, any practice."
She gave him a sceptical glance. If he meant what she thought, that was being rather shallow, wasn't it? She knew he didn't seem particularly interested in the more intimate side of things, never having seen him looking at someone with any sort of intent beyond usefulness aside from once when he'd been drugged- but assuming she couldn't be chaste in an emotionally romantic relationship if she tried seemed rude. "I don't need that from you Brax. Not if you don't want it." But then went down a different road, in the case of relationships themselves. "And you don't need to be good at romance anyway. You of all people know I'm terrible at it-"
"That...?" A few seconds went by as he looked for meanings to her implication. "Oh. That's not what I meant. I'm not a virgin."
That was... still not what she assumed, but it'd get filed for later, just in case. "Not entirely what I meant either. I think missing the obvious is probably going to be our first sticking point. Don't you?"
He agreed, "That's very likely, yes"
"And being honest is going to be our second, I imagine."
The coffee maker slurped and burbled, alerting them that it had finally finished its brewing cycle. If this was anything less important, it may have been a worthy interruption- but they kept talking even as Benny started rummaging through the cupboards. She grunted as she reached further back, standing on her tiptoes. "Damn Brax's longer arms... How much coffee do you want?"
"I do try to be honest when I can. ...Better make it the biggest mug."
Finally finding the largest size towards the back, they scraped as she pulled two of them towards her and down onto the counter. "Yes, usually now. But- I wasn't able to be with you until I was absolutely hammered, and I think most normal people are supposed to... not need that."
"Are they? I wouldn't know. When I have feelings I tend to just ignore them until they go away or I die."
She cheerfully poured the steaming liquid into both of the mugs, before passing one over to him. "Here you go. Fresh, hot. Dark. Cheers."
"Thank you."
It burnt her tongue just a little bit, but that certainly helped to wake her up. After a long swallow, she commented. "Unlike you, I can't die more than once though... Ahhhhh. So I spill them, (pardon the pun) or something of my life is just, poof- lost forever."
"Oh, I don't mean regeneration. I have feelings I intend to take to my pyre."
They couldn't quite look each other in the eye right now. Either staring into their cups, or the coffee maker, but never meeting each other's gaze. She took a slow sip, finally breaking that trend as she got sucked into the clouded skies beneath. "Human thing, again. Archaeological thing also, possibly. I needed this. Coffee here, with you. Actually talking to each other properly."
Every little word, meaningful or not, seemed to lighten the tension in their chests. Their breath slowed again, not hitching at the slightest mistake. All seeming to start winding down. That wasn't to say this wasn't still awkward- it was. Thirty years for her, god knew how many for him. It was a lot at once.
Braxiatel cleared his throat, there was still another admission to be done. "Yes, it is likely to be a little more productive than yesterday. In the spirit of honesty, however, I have never... intentionally- engaged in romantic or sexual activities with someone I didn't... want something from. Information, or power or even... something for the Collection."
It was the first thing Bernice had thought the time she'd heard he'd gotten engaged. But analyzing every feature, there was a definite change when something with him was completely genuine. "While I really wish I could say that surprised me, it doesn't. At all. But- you want something from who you love anyway. You want it in return. It's different, but kindness can be selfish too." She looked down, thinking back to the several times she'd had to seduce people for something, a number rather higher than she was frankly comfortable with- so she put it bluntly. "I won't say I haven't done similar things before, because I have. I won't be high and mighty with you just because I've knocked you down a peg, Brax. This time," she cracked a grin and playfully nudged him with her elbow.
He made an effort not to think too hard about it, but knew exactly what Benny was talking about. "Ah yes, quite right. I'm not ashamed of your past exploits... in fact, I happen to feel rather neutral about them. But I feel it's important that you know that I can count on one hand the number of people that I have... loved. Romantically speaking."
"For the times I've really had it for then I'd have to have a few duplicates for me to beat you there. -And they're you. But it feels so good to get this off my chest. Didn't think I ever would."
"It is quite freeing, isn't it? But the number is two, Benny- oh. Have you ever been with another me then?" Braxiatel raised an eyebrow.
While that particular part wasn't true, there was always something about his darkness, his change in nature when she was around. "What? No- I mean I've been interested- I wasn't with you. This would be way different otherwise."
"Oh, well, that's good... I mean, I don't think I'd particularly mind, but I'd rather other versions of me didn't give me any sort of bad reputation."
She snorted at that, almost spitting out her drink again- yes he had a terrible reputation with her, yes she'd always been interested, secretly, on some deep, dangerous level all self-control often elected to ignore. They weren't mutually exclusive. He noticed, and made an effort not to laugh and remain serious himself.
"But way different?" he asked.
"I mean I'm pretty sure I wouldn't almost need to die again if I was only saying it a second time."
He stirred his coffee with a spoon. Just a hint of sugar. "Ah, yes, well... that makes sense. Practice makes perfect and all that."
"I was going to say because even if it wasn't the same you, it's you. Even when things went sour I think I still did somewhere. I... love Irving Braxiatel." She tapped him on the chest with her finger.
"See, Benny- I really should have guessed that you haven't actually been with any other version of me because if you had, you would know already that that is, frankly, a terrible decision." It was true. If the other him- and the memories that sometimes randomly came up from the 'original' Braxiatel were anything to go by, he would not have been a good partner at all. And he still might not be, even after all this time.
"Why do you think I told you to expect me to dissociate from... everything? I know this is most likely a massive error in judgement. We're going to need more coffee..."
"I couldn't agree more. But I will do my very best to make this the least terrible I can," which he was already trying in many other things. In all the effort it took to avoid going dangerously mad, this was an unforeseen variable though. Now, with that knowledge, it would likely take a great deal more.
"Your best is more than enough." Bernice really couldn't think of a good thing to reassure him about it, so elected to try and stroke his ego instead. "...Considering the massive mansion we're in."
Brax choked. "I meant emotionally, but yes, my being rich is probably also a bonus."
Benny snorted. "I just know you succeed when you try... Usually. That really was a terrible comparison, wasn't it?"
"It was. You made me choke on my coffee a little."
She laughed a little herself, but Benny was serious. "Please don't die because I have an awful sense of humour. I know that's barely consequential, but it's an oddly valid concern for me. I... nearly got Adrian killed once because he took something too literally."
He sipped, finishing his mug. "Well, on the upside, if I do die, I have an unspecified number of lives left."
"I'm glad you're not specifying them, quite frankly," Benny muttered.
"Well, it's a little impolite to discuss how many regenerations one has left." He was talking about it like it was money. Which was something he was happy to flaunt, but not this. "...But do you happen to have that on tape?"
Luckily, she was in-between sips of coffee. No more spit-takes here. "It was a life-threatening situation. Unless you somehow had a bug on me I don't think so."
"Well... then remind me to bug you," he requested.
"Brax! Whatever... we are, I still need privacy sometimes. Like you do. Even if something really happens. Funny, stupid, amazing even. I'll call you if I'm in trouble or it's important, okay?"
"That is- acceptable."
"To be fair, I've been calling a lot recently anyway. Am I getting clingy?" Benny asked.
"No, I seem to recall offering to help the last couple of times."
Taking a hefty swig of coffee and draining the last of it before saying anything else, Bernice finally suggested something. "Compromise then- when I'm out, you call me when something seems fishy. I'll call you at set intervals depending on the possible danger level, and if I don't answer when you call me to check up, then it's okay to take action. For when I'm on digs or travelling, or something. I'll stay within your reach this time if you stay in mine."
"Alright, that sounds like a good compromise. Yes," Braxiatel agreed.
"You get your obsession with control quenched, I get privacy. Win-win?" An awkward but actually genuine laugh escaped her throat. "Healthy communication. Hey, it's a start!"
Brax chuckled too. "Look at us, making good choices."
"I wouldn't go that far quite yet. But I really didn't think this was possible. I think I'm optimistic. About a relationship. Me!"
He shrugged. "Well, this was bound to be a little different. I'm not exactly one of those young pretty boys you usually like."
Well, for the most part, that had been her type for a while. But she was older now, so rejection, betrayal, after betrayal, after tragedy and even more betrayal all but ruined it by this point. Crossing everyone off the list, from tiny short-term crushes to her one long-term lover, there was still, somehow, Braxiatel left over. And he was pretty much it.
"It was one pretty boy I actually ended up with, Brax. I've fallen for two ancient Time Lords. And I think you're rather dashing, actually."
Braxiatel felt heat rising in his cheeks, reaching the tips of his ears. Something about hearing it from her, completely sober, obviously not lying. A real compliment without an ounce of snark. In this context. He'd been alright not-quite-flirting when they were friends. But it was different, and the resulting attempt at a return compliment was less than suave. "Well, thank you. I think you are... rather nice to look at too."
Gaining confidence, she placed down her mug and got more forward, ready to make her move. "Thanks, I like to think so. I also like to think I have good taste. And you just so happen to be in the middle of it, Irving. And, oh- your lovely voice. Like silk."
He wasn't quite as deeply coloured as she'd become when he'd been touching all over her face, but getting close. Airing out his collar, Brax attempted to remain composed. "You may want to be careful with that flattery, Benny. I've heard my ego is big enough as it is."
She sent back a seductive smirk, inching closer. "I've held my tongue until now. I get to say what I like. I wasn't planning on giving out too many compliments. And to be fair, I did want to see you blush. Red's an interesting look on you."
That only made it go deeper, though straightening his tie and trying to regulate his body temperature seemed to help. "Well, I do try to avoid getting flustered when I can. I value my composure, you know."
"I just wanted to see what it would be like for a change, switching things around. We're alone, and I've been running away from you because I was getting embarrassed. Don't want you scared of me, now do I? It's just better once you get your own turn." She grinned at him with a certain smugness. Oh, this was going to be fun.
Something in him sparked. "You are a fierce woman, Benny, but I am far more afraid of my emotions than I am of you."
Bernice fell back, logic switching places with feeling again as the dominating force in her mind. She was too. "You're... not the only one."
"Being emotional was not particularly... encouraged in my family. Quite the opposite actually."
"I'm not exactly shocked to hear that. You don't need to dig that far back. You know what I said to you about my childhood. Keep close what you need to."
"I don't really have much of a childhood to speak of- I was too busy being the parent that my parents weren't. Trying to be anyways. But my point was... this may be a bit of a learning curve." Braxiatel frowned.
"Yes, it will. But isn't everything? Take it slow, do things day by day- the more we keep being so anxious about the future, the less likely... this will have one." Bernice making her first acknowledgement that there was a 'this' was something she didn't even appear to notice.
His face fell, and he stared into his coffee. "Bernice, I am warning you though. If anything seriously bad happens between us, one of us is going to get burned. And you know very well that the one hurt most likely won't be me."
She nodded solemnly. It was indeed a risk. "I know. I- just... Let's try?"
"Alright. Then Benny, can you just promise me just one thing?" he stared into her eyes pleadingly.
"Yeah, Brax?"
He huffed. "If we don't work this way... will you still be my best friend?"
She took both of his hands in her own. "Of course I will. I'm afraid of the same things. But if you promise, I promise."
"I promise."
She grabbed onto him, holding tight and not letting go, head falling into his shoulder. "Thanks, Brax. Hmm... Want to take a walk in the Garden of Whispers?"
Braxiatel held her out. "That sounds rather nice, yes."
Despite their supposed optimism, the tension and fear between them could still be cut with a knife. As the two departed the mansion, they grasped each other's hands so tightly like if they didn't- they'd just float away and get lost again, perhaps forever.
The artificial sunrise hadn't met the Braxiatel Collection quite yet, it would have been pitch dark if not for the bright stars twinkling through the atmosphere and the occasional old-fashioned street lamps every fifty feet or so. Not that they needed any light for this, they both knew the route by heart. Alone in the dark, walking together in silence, it was good. Letting things properly ruminate.
The garden's trademark statues and the fountain were just up ahead, standing in silhouette, watching over the lake. A lake so perfectly still and clear that it was like staring back at an endless sky, space enveloping everything.
Her eyes glistened in the dark, slightly watery. "It's just... so gorgeous tonight. The stars, the lake. You." She paused, eyes adjusting to the dark to make out the expression on his face. "I've been here a million times, but now- it's different. New. A... bit like when I first met you."
A tiny line over the curved horizon broke apart the space. "It is lovely, isn't it? And improved further by the company."
Bernice sighed. He was still here, after it all. She didn't see joy in his features, but there was a level of gentle calm and contentment that hadn't been there, even a few minutes prior. Judging by Braxiatel's body language though, he was contemplating long and hard about something. Whatever it was, she gave him time. He was best when given time.
"Ahem... Benny?" he finally asked, breaking the silence.
"Yes, Brax? Ahhh..." she stretched and sighed again.
"Would it be alright if I kissed you?"
The floodgates burst. He was asking- she thought he never would. Genuinely. She wasn't even quite sure before if it really was what he wanted, other than them promising they wouldn't run away from each other and there not being a problem if it got occasionally acknowledged as being a thing that they liked each other, and that the betrayal part of things wasn't going to happen again. Maybe allowing themselves to say the words, maybe cuddling a little bit closer on a cold night- but that being the beginning and end of it. Well- Bernice was more than happy to be wrong.
After careful deliberation, and the sun peeking higher, she nodded. "Let's try it. Sweep me off my feet."
"...Physically, or...?"
"Why not? I know you can carry me."
"I can, yes, but perhaps we'll just start a little more... simple?" Brax asked, still unsure.
"Fair enough. Let's get this right, Irving." She got so close, whispering his name softly in his ear.
Braxiatel cupped her cheek gently, leaning down and tilting up her head so he could meet in the middle. Softly, tentatively, his lips met hers, so warm and soft. Benny got on her tiptoes for a better angle and draped her arms over his shoulders to keep him close as she reciprocated- slightly more confidently than him, but still gentle. His free hand rested on the small of her back to keep things steady as they lightly swayed back and forth. Neither were really leading, so to speak- being able to stay on the same level was something unique about them together in particular.
Brax granted some extra air from his respiratory bypass, but eventually Bernice still ran out of breath first, and was the one to break it apart. Not that she wanted to. Eyes flitting to his thin lips as she caught her breath and calmed her beating heart, Benny got down off her toes and leaned on his shoulder, smiling. "I love you, Braxiatel."
He pressed another kiss to her cheek, stroking her hair.
"I love you too, Bernice."
She took his hand again and looked back at the horizon, sky turning pink as the stars began fading away. "Wanna watch the sunrise?"
"Gladly."
But despite how beautiful it was this morning, neither meant they'd really be viewing that particular spectacle. And for once, that was something that they both knew could go unsaid.
