I Don't Want the World to See Me
A short Stacy Morasco-centric piece with hints of Stacy/Schuyler. I thought the Stacy character had a lot of unrealized potential. It's a shame they never gave her a solid foundation. Le sigh. That's what fan fiction is for though, right? This picks up on the day of her miscarriage in 2009. Let me know what you think of it please.
It's over before she even has time to get used to the idea.
xoox
She reaches for the phone, managing to close her hand around the hard plastic, but knocking over the table in the process as she writhes in agony on the floor. Each cramp feels as if someone is taking a steel vice to her insides and twisting it around and around her abdomen, cinching it tighter and tighter still. It's like she's being ripped apart internally.
She's crying. No, she's sobbing. And she's thinking too. Thinking she is going to lose this baby. No, she knows she's going to. She can tell it's already over for her. She's thinking not of the father, a boy-man who she has been obsessed with since she was thirteen. No, she's thinking about the life inside her now spilling out on the floor with her blood. She's thinking not of him, but of the baby. For the first time it's not about her, it's about the baby. And how they are never going to grow up and they're never going to take their first breath of clean air, or take their first bite of baby food, or say their first word …
She's dying. A little more and more as each millisecond ticks by until the paramedics arrive. She waits for the pain to stop, to subside, but when it finally does, there is still a hollow ache left inside her stomach, inside her heart. Everyone says she doesn't have a heart, but she knows she would have loved this baby in her own fucked up, screwed up, obsessive way.
She also knows things will go on as they did before, that her obsession with Rex will rear its ugly head again the minute he walks in the door and sees her lying there on the floor, that she will go back to hating and despising Gigi and trying to ruin her sister's life, that she will be hell-bent on having what's hers. She also knows deep down those things are just distractions from the real issue that she is nothing but a sad, pathetic, lonely little girl inside who never really grew up; certainly, never learned how to share or even how to be happy.
She knows she will care about all that soon enough, but for now, she just cares about the life that has gushed out of her. She does have a heart. Even if she will never let anyone ever see it.
TO BE CONTINUED.
