What We've Lost and What We've Gained
By
Drummondtype2
Natsuki walked quietly into her second year class the day before Summer Vacation was set to start. The second year shuffle had actually put Natsuki in the same class as her close friend, Mai Tokiha, as well as her longtime acquaintance, and recent friend, Akane Higurashi.
Natsuki was quiet as she sat at her desk. That in and of itself wasn't strange. Natsuki was often quiet. Even a reinvigorated Natsuki, who had come out of the events of the previous year with a renewed sense of life and an appreciation for friends and friendship was still a Natsuki who only spoke when she felt like she had something worth saying.
However, there was an air of pensiveness about her that both Mai and Akane noticed. And there was something else different, too.
"Natsuki?" Mai gently probed, "I don't think I've ever seen you without your sweater before."
Natsuki sighed, her emerald eyes meeting Mai's lavender gaze, "It caught on the agitator in the washing machine, and ripped when I tried to get it out."
"Oh, that's too bad," Akane sympathized, "It was your favorite, wasn't it?"
"Yeah. This blouse they give us for the uniform isn't really my style," Natsuki pulled uncomfortably on the collar.
Mai though quietly and quickly. That, she reasoned, wouldn't be enough to have Natsuki brooding. Something else was at the core of her current sulk, and that was only the tip of the iceberg. Then Mai remembered the date.
"Tomorrow's the anniversary, isn't it?" Mai asked in a soft voice.
"Anniversary?" Akane blinked, unaware of exactly what Mai was referring to.
"Yeah," Natsuki exhaled, and there was the faintest hitch to her voice.
"Did you…have plans?" Mai asked, "Is there anything we can do?"
Natsuki looked up, and fixed Mai and Akane with a gentle smile, "I know you're worried, Mai, and I appreciate it. But…it's just something I've got to figure out."
"Maybe if you tell us, you can sort it out better in your head?" Akane suggested.
Natsuki shrugged, "Well, tomorrow is the first day of summer break. It's the anniversary of Mom's death."
"Oh," Akane looked ashamed.
"You didn't know," Natsuki reassured her, "It's just…every year, I've marked the time by going to the cliff where the accident happened, and offering a bouquet to Mom. But…"
"But that was before John Smith told you what he told you," Mai concluded after a moment of silence.
"That Mom was planning on selling me to the Searrs Foundation," Natuski nodded, "But given what Sakomizu-sensei has said, and some conversations I've had with Alyssa and Miyu, I don't believe that was the case, now. At least, I don't think she saw it that way. But…well, all the people responsible for her death are gone. Shizuru got rid of all of them. And Kazahana didn't see fit to bring any of them back. I mean, is there any point to me going there and telling Mom I'm going to find the people who killed her and make them pay? I can't even tell her that I'm the one who handled it."
"Well," Akane offered after a moment, "Maybe you can tell her what you told us, that even with everything that's happened, you still believe in her."
Natsuki looked thoughtful for a moment, then smiled gently, "Thanks, Akane. That's a good idea."
"And don't forget," Mai said, "You're invited to my birthday, if you want and or need the company."
"I assume your kid brother is making the cake again this year?" Natsuki quirked an eyebrow.
"I'm sure he is," Mai laughed, "It wouldn't be fair to make me make my own birthday cake, after all. And I'll make yours in August."
"A birthday cake from Mai, huh?" Natsuki mused to herself out loud, "You'd better clear that with Shizuru, first. You know what she's like when she's jealous."
Mai winced, "Oh, good point. I don't want to deprive your girlfriend of the chance to plan the perfect birthday party for you."
~~*~~
Natsuki still was feeling out of it when she got home after classes. Her apartment had been repaired after the events of the Festival, and she had moved back in. Not that sharing a dorm with Mai and Mikoto had been all bad, but she now had her own roommate, though she wasn't home just yet from her college courses.
She went to the washing machine, where the remnants of her hooded sweater were resting, and she examined them. Now that they'd had a chance to dry, she was better able to inspect the damage, and it was easy enough for her to determine that it would be irreparable.
She heard a voice call from the door, "Tadaima!"
"Okaeri," Natsuki called back, but she couldn't keep the sadness out of her voice.
"Natsuki what's wrong?" Shizuru asked, walking over and putting a hand tenderly on Natsuki's shoulder, "Ara, ara, your sweater! That's unfortunate. It was your favorite, was it not?"
"Yeah," Natsuki sighed, "But it's done for now."
She balled it up and tossed it in the trash.
"Is the loss of your favorite garment the reason for your current sadness, Natsuki?"
Natsuki scoffed, but eased herself into Shizuru's embrace, "It sounds silly, but it does make me sad. I guess it's the timing of it all."
Shizuru nodded, "Did you wish to go searching for the bouquet before dinner?"
"Sure," Natsuki said.
"Ara, Natsuki, I know that the occasion of this unfortunate anniversary is weighing on you, but why would the loss of a simple sweater be so vexing to you, even under those circumstances."
Natsuki blinked, looking at Shizuru, "You really don't remember?"
"Remember what, Natsuki?"
"Shizuru, YOU bought me that sweater!"
~~*~~
February 14th, two years ago. One month to go, Natsuki reflected, and she would graduate from Fuuka Middle School and move up to the High School level.
She was walking past the Crystal Dome when a chill wind blew past her, putting a distinct shiver through her bones as her hair and skirt flailed in the breeze.
"Hey!" a red-headed second year middle school student called, "Try not to flash everyone, Pup!"
Natsuki had seen her about on campus. Yuuki, or something, she believed. Well, she was already in a foul mood. She may have acquired the powers of a HiME, and been given her Element and Child, but she was no closer to learning who it was who had killed her Mother. And Yuuki's flippant attitude was doing nothing to improve her mood. She was about to growl at the rude kohai, when she felt a pair of hands on her shoulders. She disliked being touched by other people on general principle, but someone coming up behind her, daring to place hands on her without permission? Natsuki turned on her heel, fist balled, ready to make whoever it was pay for their insolence. She really hoped it was the nutbar Kendo captain, Takeda.
But she quickly dropped her fist to her side. The person who had taken hold of her was Shizuru Fujino, her friend. Her only friend. Her cheeks were almost as red as her eyes, undoubtedly from exposure to the cold wind.
"Ara, ara, don't let that youngster bother you, Natsuki," Shizuru said cheerfully, "I can keep you warm."
"I appreciate the offer, Shizuru, but I'm not really the hugging sort, y'know," Natsuki sighed. It wasn't that she disliked Shizuru's attention. Indeed, they actually made her a bit happy. It was nice to have someone who cared once again in her life.
"Indeed, I am all too aware of Natsuki's 'no touching' policy. That is why I got you this."
Shizuru handed Natsuki a brown paper package tied with twine, a couple of hearts drawn on it and Natsuki's name written in Shizuru's elegant brushstrokes.
"For me?" Natsuki asked hesitatingly, "Shizuru it's…"
"Ara, ara, it's Valentine's Day, and I've heard that friends are giving gifts to friends, these days. This is from me to you."
"I...I didn't get you anything, Shizuru," Natuski said, hoping Shizuru would take it back.
"Natsuki doesn't need to get me anything. Knowing I helped is reward enough," Shizuru said.
Natsuki was genuinely touched, "Shizuru, thank you."
"Of course, if Natsuki wants to reciprocate, there is always White Day."
"Idiot," Natsuki huffed.
"Oh, but don't stand on formality. Open it."
"Okay, but I don't see how Valentine's friendship chocolates are going to keep me warm. Unless it's hot cocoa."
It wasn't hot cocoa. And it wasn't chocolate. It was a white hooded sweater, soft to the touch and looking oh so inviting and comfortable, as well.
"I can't wait to see you in it," Shizuru said. "Let's go get you changed!"
She ushered a mildly protesting Natsuki off to a restroom to "help" change her clothes. To Natsuki's reluctant delight, it was as warm and cozy as it looked.
"Thanks, Shizuru," Natsuki said, "It's perfect."
Natsuki dabbed at her eyes.
"Natsuki?" Shizuru was alarmed.
"I'm sorry. I'm happy. I really am. It's just…it's the first gift anyone has given me since Mom died. I mean, Dad sends stuff, but I feel like it's mostly out of obligation. But you…you just gave me this. I love it! Thank you."
Natsuki cried a bit into Shizuru's shoulder, and Shizuru tenderly stroked her hair until the wave of emotion had passed, "You're most welcome, Natsuki. And I really did mean it when I said seeing you happy was reward enough, you know."
Natsuki did know, but she shook her head, "No way, Shizuru. You're my best friend. I'm treating you to dinner tonight. Whatever restaurant you want, it's on me."
Shizuru blinked for a moment, then nodded, "Very well, Natsuki. If you insist."
~~*~~
"So, that's why I'm so upset," Natsuki sighed, pressing her face against Shizuru, "It was a gift from you. The first gift from you. It was the first thing anyone had given me since Mom died to show me that they genuinely cared for me."
Shizuru smiled lightly, "I had forgotten. Probably because to me, it was just a simple token of friendship. No, that's not entirely honest. It was also my hope that one day…you'd understand my feelings. But I had little hope of that back then, so I put it out of my mind. That's why I didn't understand it's importance to you, at the time. Kannin-na, Natsuki."
"It's alright, Shizuru," Natsuki smiled, her mood lifting a little, "I may not have the sweater anymore, but I still have the memories. And more than that, I've got you beside me, now."
"Then, perhaps while we're searching for the bouquet to memorialize your Mother, I might treat you to an early birthday present."
"That reminds me," Natsuki grinned, "Mai wants to ask you for permission to bake my birthday cake."
Shizuru, whose managerial style as the Student Council President could best be described as "Delegate, delegate, delegate" laughed a bit, "Ara, perfect. One more item on the itinerary dealt with."
Natsuki linked arms with Shizuru, "Well, then, on the whole I think I've gained a lot more than I've lost, when all is said and done."
