The second she heard the waves crashing into the Odaiba shore, Meiko knew today would be a struggle. As her last ounce of courage flew from her, she thought of fleeing too — of turning around, catching the next flight back to Tottori, and losing herself in the deepest depths of the forests she called home.

But by then the group had already seen her, and all eyes had turned expectantly awaiting her arrival.

Mimi surprised Meiko by running up to her, gleefully squealing her name, and locking her into the first hug she'd had in a while (while Meiko surprised even herself by immediately returning the hug.) Sora, Takeru, and another black-haired boy stood to fetch her a chair, while the rest remained seated around the outdoor tables of the baywalk cafe, eager to welcome her.

As Mimi pulled her to the group, Meiko identified all eight of the Chosen she knew, and then a handful of others she didn't. She only guessed that they were Chosen too because each had their partner digimon next to them.

She didn't expect so many unfamiliar faces, but this was a reunion after all.

Odaiba Memorial Day, the annual celebration to commemorate the day the first batch of children all first met their partners. A day for stories around campfires or cafes, or whatever else was currently in fashion, though venue didn't matter so much as the company.

Even when Takeru and Mimi lived off the island, they still came back every year to celebrate with the others. They crossed cities and seas to spend a summer afternoon remembering their crazy adventure and friendships forged along the way.

A flurry of introductions was made as Mimi was all too excited to get Meiko up to speed. The only girl was called Miyako, for sure, but the boys' names got all meshed together in her head. They were Daisuke, Ken, and Iori — including the one who had stood to fetch her a chair earlier — though the who's who of it wasn't yet so clear.

Whoever they were, they immediately started bombarding her with questions (What kind of ramen ya'll got in Tottori? Honestly Daisuke, of all the things! It's a valid question, Miyako!) Thankfully, Sora returned soon enough and, perhaps noticing Meiko shrinking under the weight of all the attention, promptly steered the group back to the topic at hand prior to Meiko's arrival.

"And where were we, Taichi?"

"—so that was when Yamato punched me in the face."

"Well, you can't say you didn't deserve it," Yamato smirked.

"I can't say you don't deserve a blow yourself right now can I?" If one didn't know better, they could have thought the two were heating into an argument, though as it stood they sounded more like an elderly couple bickering over who asked the other out first.

Taichi, Yamato, and Taichi Junior (Meiko just wasn't sure what his name was) mostly held a monopoly on the narrative while the rest of the kids held their own pockets of conversation around the outdoor cafe.

Sora started making rounds to ask everyone if they'd eaten enough (Have some more, there's still so much. If you want anything else, we could order again.) Jyou and Miyako were griping on the trials and tribulations of high school life.

At another table, Koushiro and two new kids were discussing (quote) the "techno-sociological implications of the journalistic framing of new digimon sightings across Tokyo" (which Meiko honestly couldn't follow, but found fascinating nonetheless. She made a mental note to Google some keywords from the conversation when she got home.)

For the most part, Meiko stuck close to Mimi. After all, it was Mimi who had extended the invitation to this reunion (which Meiko tried her best to avoid, until Mimi took the liberty of booking Meiko's flight — itinerary ironed out and boarding pass ready for printing — at which point Meiko simply could not refuse.)

Mimi sat at the same table as Taichi's group, emphatically fact-checking his recollection of certain events (I didn't enslave those Gekomon! They wanted to serve me!)

In the corner of her eye, Meiko caught sight of Takeru and Hikari, standing by the baywalk railing, reveling in the summer sun and a warm sea breeze with the other digimon. Meiko was secretly thankful for this, as she wasn't sure if she could face Hikari.

Not that Meiko disliked her, or that she had wronged anyone in any way. In fact, Meiko felt guilty for avoiding someone who had only ever been kind to her. But she just wasn't sure how to talk to the girl after the events of last summer, especially with her own digimon sitting right next to her, tail playing peacefully with the midday sun.

Her own digimon that even looked like Meicoomon.

It wasn't fair.

How could both their digimon get infected, corrupted to the same degree, but only one of them didn't come back? How could they have crossed the bounds of depravity together, but only one came out the other end? What do you say to someone who went through exactly the same experience, but got the better end of the deal?

Meiko recognized it wasn't Hikari's fault. She didn't blame the girl for anything that happened, which actually made everything worse, because who else was there to blame? What else was she supposed to feel?

She only knew she couldn't face the girl, because If she were completely honest, she wasn't sure if she could keep her mouth from asking what had haunted her this whole past year: why did it have to be me?

No, she couldn't say that — couldn't allow herself to say it, because even she understood its unutterable implications.

Avoiding the younger girl though wasn't difficult though, as she had more than enough to keep her occupied. To her own surprise, being back in Odaiba was turning out to be not as bad as she had expected, and she enjoyed being surrounded by all the familiar faces.

Mimi tried to ease the new girl into the conversation at convenient points, but knew Meiko well enough to know when and when not to push her participation — though it often defaulted on the latter, as Meiko enjoyed simply listening to her friends' adventures she was hearing for the first time.

If she didn't think too much, she could almost contain her envy. It was like listening to the retelling of a movie, or the recap of some shiny new anime. Meiko had only seen the digital world at its most offensive, so it was intriguing to hear that wasn't all there was to it. There were islands of ice, towns full of toys, fantastic factories, and even holographic pyramids.

"You think if you got far enough you could have made a run for it?" asked Taichi Junior.

"We would have had to make some distance," replied Yamato, crossing his arms, "Etemon had range."

"Explosions everywhere," said Mimi.

"Good thing someone's crest activated right in the nick of time," Taichi announced, folding his arms behind his head.

"Good thing someone was crazy enough to headbutt the digimon equivalent of a black hole!" Mimi interrupted.

"Oi, oi, don't talk about MetalGreymon that way!"

"And good thing some idiot was dumb enough to run straight into that black hole with them!"

"We didn't run! We got sucked in!"

"After you ran!"

"She's not wrong," Yamato sneered.

"We looked for you for months!"

"Not like I asked you to!"

"Hey," interjected Taichi Junior, trying to diffuse the tension. "Explosions? Like that one time, with Ken's base, remember?"

"That time we covered for you?" Taichi asked, taking the bait.

"The longest bus ride I'd ever had." Yamato said, sighing. Taichi Junior might have mumbled something about his sister while Yamato might have grumbled someting about the worst date he'd ever had, Meiko wasn't sure.

After the two finished growling at each other, Mimi found the courage to ask, "What really happened back there?"

"We never really clear on the details," added Yamato.

An audible "Eh?" came from the younger brunette.

"I meant to ask Hikari, but she was too tired when you got back. Then we just never talked about it," Taichi explained.

"We only know after that Ken… The Digimon Kaiser….?"

"—disappeared."

"I know he talked to Koushiro about stuff time. Didn't that answer all your questions?" asked the younger boy.

"All of Koushiro's questions."

"All mostly technical."

"That nerd," Mimi sighed, though with obvious affection.

"If you really want to know, I guess explain," said the younger boy, scratching his head.

"You don't have to tell us though if you're not…" someone said.

"Or if Ken isn't…"

The three older Chosen all nodded patiently in agreement.

"It's fine," the boy replied. "Ken isn't proud of that time of his life. But I know he's… made a lot of progress since then. He's a bit more open about everything now, so if it could help you understand him better, I guess I could tell you."

They all nodded once more. Meiko wasn't sure what was happening. She wasn't sure if they had forgotten she was there.

"A lot happened out there. The base was exploding, but we had to keep going. Ken and Chimeramon, hot on our tracks," he continued.

"I'm a little hazy on some of the details, but in the end Wormmon…," the boy paused, perhaps trying to pick his words with care. "He sacrificed himself."

"He lost his digimon too?" asked Meiko, though everyone was still too engrossed in the boy's story to pay much attention.

"For a while, but he came back."

He… came back?

"Like Leomon?" asked Mimi.

Others have come back too?

"Exactly," said the younger boy. "Or that's what Takeru explained. I guess that's when everything started to change."

"So when digimon…" Meiko couldn't even say the word. She was shaking, a slither of hope encroaching her voice. "They come back?"

In that instance, the group realized what the girl was asking.

"Meiko," Mimi said delicately. "I'm sorry Meiko, but…"

There was something about a nursery, at the heart of the Digital World. About rebirth, revival, a handful of rules. The real world and the digital.

Maybe she stopped listening. Maybe she ran right there, or maybe she gave some weak excuse like needing to go to the bathroom, or take a phone call. Something, anything. She was too numb to take note.

She just knew she couldn't bear any of it anymore. Next thing she knew she was on her feet, turning every corner she could, running as far as she could from everyone and every partner that wasn't hers, until her legs folded, planting her on some random staircase, out of breath and bawling her eyes out.


She didn't know how long she'd been crying. She only knew she shouldn't have come, should have stayed in Tottori, far away from that stupid bay, from everyone and all their stupid stories.

She already knew Takeru lost his digimon. He told her shortly after she lost hers. But he was so young then, and he'd been through so much those past few months, she couldn't help but appreciate his attempts to sympathize.

But back then she thought Takeru's case was sheer dumb luck. An exception, rather than the norm.

DIgimon are reborn? In general?

She could accept that she was merely not lucky — of typical levels of misfortune — but to be the only one to have lost their digimon? When it was apparently so painfully easy not to?

She didn't even do half the dumb shit they did. No black holes or exploding bases for her. She'd never even so much as crossed the street without making Meicoomon look both ways (and those were all across provincial streets at that.)

It wasn't fair. They weren't fair. How dare they have the audacity to flaunt their partners, their providence to keep them when she could not? How could they gloat in blissful ignorance when she was so miserable?

She never wanted to see them again. She just wanted to cry and cry, dry every emotion so she could shrivel up on these steps and feel absolutely nothing, ever again.

"Hey," she heard as a finger gently tapped on her shoulder.

It was only then she realized how intensely she'd been shaking. When Meiko looked up, she saw the dark-haired boy from Koushiro's table earlier. "We've been looking for you," he said.

"Ichijouji, Ken, by the way. Not sure if we had a proper introduction in all the chaos earlier," he said, sitting down on the steps next to her.

So this was Ken.

"Sorry if Daisuke offended you or something. He means well, he's a bit rough around the edges," he said, uncapping a bottle of water.

This boy clearly had no idea what that Daisuke kid was saying earlier.

"When he crosses the line, don't be afraid to let him know. Miyako likes to give him a good smack, but for me explaining is usually enough."

Meiko didn't know what to say, so he went on.

"He's kind of slow sometimes, but he gets there. He tries," he said, laughing a little. "Water?" he asked, offering her the bottle.

Meiko shook her head. She knew barely anything about this boy, but what she knew was enough to make her despise him, for he had something that she could never have, no matter how desperately she wished for it.

"Alright," he said, capping the bottle and letting it down on the steps by their feet. "Do you want to go back to the—"

"NO!" she cried.

"Alright, alright," he said, raising his hands in defense. "We could just sit here for a bit."

They sat without words for a few minutes, noise of the city interrupted only occasionally by Meiko's shudders as she tried to steady her breath from the breakdown earlier.

It took a while, but she soon realized her breath had slowed and synced with that of Ken, who was making what could only be understood as intentionally deep, regular breaths to calm her down (that or he was fending off an asthma attack, but she didn't care to clarify right now.)

"Feeling better?" he asked.

Despite herself, this time, she nodded.

"Good," he said with a gentle smile. "I'm glad I found you, by the way. I actually wanted to talk to you."

Meiko darted her puffy eyes at him. "I'm not interested," she retorted.

"Ah, no, not like that! I mean…" A sigh. "I heard about what happened last year, so I wanted to say I think you're pretty brave. I know how hard it is to lose someone."

"Yeah, your digimon, but you got him back, right?" she said, surprising herself with the harshness of her voice.

"Ah, yes," he replied, not even flinching, no question of how she knew this, "My brother too."

"Your brother?"

"Yeah, I had a brother. His name was Osamu. Older by three years."

Suddenly all animosity fell to the pit of her stomach. "What happened to him?"

"He… we…" He paused trying to remember. "I used to remember it so vividly, but now I've lost a lot of the details," he said, laughing a little to himself.

Meiko couldn't laugh.

"I think we were crossing the street, my mom was there. Then.. a bus, or maybe a truck—?"

"I'm so sorry," cried Meiko, bowing her head. "You don't have to remember for my sake!".

"It's alright, I couldn't even if I tried," he said, smiling wistfully. "It's been a while, so the details are a little hazy."

"I am so sorry," she repeated, more for herself this time than for him.

"It's alright, it's been about seven years now. At the time though, I remember I couldn't pass that street for a while. Couldn't even look at it without breaking down, or throwing up. One or the other."

She was speechless.

"I guess that's why I think you're pretty brave, cause I know how hard it is. To come back, where everything happened."

"How do you deal with seeing that place now?"

"I don't," he said, blissfully unbothered. "We moved soon after."

"To Odaiba?"

"To Tamachi, actually. Now that I think about it, maybe that was why we moved."

Meiko nodded, listening.

"So I get that coming back must be hard, especially with everything so fresh. So if you want to talk to anyone about anything, I just wanted to say I'm here. We're all here."

And just like that, she was bawling all over again. She'd heard these words probably a hundred times, in a hundred different ways this past year, but this was the first time Meiko could believe someone might actually understand.

"Ah, I'm sorry if I said something wrong!"

"No, it's just— just—" she staggered. "She was my best friend, you know? Maybe my only friend."

"That's the hardest part, isn't it?"

"Were you close with your brother?" she said, staggered, attempting to compose herself.

"We didn't always get along, but he was my brother. He taught me everything I knew."

"We did everything together."

"We did too. He'd walk me to school, even if my kindergarten was an entire block away."

"She'd always wait outside my classroom, then we'd walk home together."

"Then what would you do?"

"We'd play in the woods near my house. She loved the smell of trees, dew on tiny flowers, the shimmer of fireflies in the summer. And whenever I felt we were lost, she'd always know the way back home."

"That sounds really fun." He smiled. "What else did you do?"

"Everything. If I looked too stressed doing homework or something she'd always come over for cuddles, or to ask how I was doing. I was never really great with keeping friends, but she was always there. She was the only constant."

"Now not a day goes by that I don't turn the corner and hope to find her, waiting for me after class, or asking for a walk. It's like there's a whole in my heart and I don't know what to do with it."

This time it was Ken's turn to nod and listen.

"Everyone's moved on with their lives and I'm here. Still stuck, right here. But when do you stop missing them? When does it stop?"

Ken thought for a second before asking, "Hmm. Honestly?"

Meiko nodded.

"I'm sorry," he said, placing a hand on her shoulder, shaking his head. "I'm not sure if it ever does, but it does get better."

"What does that even mean?"

"For months, my mom would see me and call me by my brother's name. Then she always cried. But I couldn't even blame her 'cause I couldn't do anything without thinking about him either. Like if I learned something at school, or saw something cool on TV, I'd always think 'I should tell nii-chan'. Sometimes I still do."

"How is that 'better'?"

"We stopped crying," he laughed. "Or at least stopped crying so often."

"But how?" Meiko asked, still teary-eyed herself.

"I actually… wouldn't recommend what I did. I went to a lot of dark places for a long time, and things got worse before they got better."

"When did it get better then?"

"I think after Daisuke slapped me once," he said laughing again.

Internally Meiko questioned if this boy was a masochist.

"It sounds kinda funny now, but I guess that's when I started to think, maybe I didn't have to deal with everything on my own. Daisuke's an idiot, but he's an idiot who doesn't know when to give up, and he never gave up on me."

"The others helped too. Takeru taught me how to write my brother letters, for when I have too much I want to say. Sometimes he even comes with me to deliver them."

"Takeru tried to teach me how to write letters too," Meiko said.

"Did it help?"

"I was really good with words…"

"It doesn't matter, it doesn't need to be good. It just has to be whatever you need it to be." He thought for a minute. "If letters aren't your thing, we tried other things too."

"Hikari taught me how to make paper flowers so we bring those too," he continued.

"Iori does like… this accountability thing. Whenever I sound kinda down, without fail, he will show up at my doorstep at six a.m., in his sweats and runners, and make me get out of bed to do laps around the neighborhood."

"What?" Meiko couldn't help but laugh at the fact that the smallest kid was a fitness buff.

"Rain or shine. He could have an exam at eight, but any hint of downers and six sharp, he'll be knocking with one hand, and holding up notes with the other."

"One time, when I was really struggling near the end of middle school, he showed up so often my mom got tired of getting up so early to let him in, so she gave him his own keys without telling me. The shock of my life when I found him standing at the foot of my bed in the dark of dawn.

"He really did that?" The mental image was both horrific and hilarious at the same time. Meiko imagined that kid, barely five feet, towering over Ken's bed before the break of dawn, throwing the teen's runners on the bed before demanding he join him for a jog.

"Yeah! I think I fell out of bed that day. And he still made me do like three laps."

"That's terrible!" she said, but couldn't help chuckling.

"The only consolation is Miyako always makes us both a full course breakfast from their convenience store, so I'm usually set for the day."

"She doesn't come along?"

"Nah, she couldn't wake up that early. But she assembles our bentos herself, like these," he said, pulling out his phone to show her pictures of bentos — smiling bears made of egg or rice, octopus sausages with mayonnaise lips, carrots and ketchup forming such chaotic katakana that Meiko could barely guess they must have meant to read 'gambarou'.

"You have great friends, Ichijouji-kun."

"They're all excited to meet you too. We all got really worried when you ran off earlier."

Oh, right. Meiko had almost completely forgotten that.

"I'm sorry I ruined your reunion." A search party for the new girl was probably not how any of them expected to spend their day today.

"'course not. We've had digimon attacks on Christmas. This is nothing. I'm sure everyone'll just be glad to see you're okay." He offered his hand to help her up. "Ready to head back?"

She slowly shook her head. "I'm not sure if I'm ready just yet."

"Don't worry already Miyako smacked Daisuke for you. He'll be nice."

"No, it's not that! Everyone's been so friendly. It's me. I'm the problem."

"You're not a problem, Mochizuki-san."

"I am! None of you have done anything wrong. It's me."

"It's not."

"No, everyone's fine. Everyone's back to normal, but it's me and my feeling everything too much."

"It's not a problem for you to feel things."

"But it's been a year! I should be fine now too! But I'm not, and I'm not even any good at pretending to be okay because I still cry, and I run, and I get mad at people who've done nothing wrong."

"It's fine, Mochizuki-san. We understand."

"But you shouldn't! Because you've been nothing but nice and I shouldn't be such a horrible person!"

At that point Ken had slowly raised his hand, but held it there for a second. Meiko thought he might have wanted to slap some sense into her (what was it with these kids and slapping?) but paused to deliberate — an entire moral debate playing out in the courthouse of his mind — before ultimately shaking his head and deciding to settle for an awkward shoulder pat.

"Uh, sorry. Anyway—" he said, clearing his throat.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said any of that," she replied.

"There are no 'shoulds' or deadlines, Mochizuki-san. There's only whatever you need to get through the day."

Here it goes. She'd said the words before she could remember she shouldn't, "Sometimes I think it might be better if I didn't."

To her surprise, he didn't reply with the usual platitudes, the meaningless words the stupid guidance councilors of her school picked from self-help books to throw around like confetti. Instead he said, "I've been there, but trust me it's always better if you do."

"But what's the point?"

"Some people like to think they go through things for a reason."

"Do you really believe that?"

"Nah, sounds like bullshit."

"Then why? Why am I still here when my best friend isn't? Why did I have to go through that? Why me, and why do I have to keep suffering only to bring everyone down with me?"

"I've been there too."

"And?"

"Haven't found an answer," he said laughing more lightheartedly than Meiko thought the conversation merited. Maybe he was a masochist.

"It doesn't make sense," she cried.

"It doesn't," he conceded. "But if you stick around, I promise you, some things do. Or things might still not make any sense, but in a good way."

"How could that ever be in a good way?"

"Like how you could shut your parents out for so long, and they'd still be waiting for you to come home. Or you could run away from all your friends, and they'd try to reach you."

She tried to figure out if he was talking about her or himself, before deciding she just couldn't tell.

"You're lucky Iori didn't find you first. He might have made you do a little run to feel better."

"I'm not good at running!"

"I wasn't either, but the first time he made me he said 'If you're going to run from your problems, you might as well get proper form!'"

They both burst into laughter.

"They're really great friends."

"Yeah," Ken smiled, satisfied. "If you want, I could take you back to wherever you're staying, or if you're ready, we could go see them. Either way, I'm sure they'd be glad to see you doing better."

"I'm not sure if I am."

"Well, then we'll be right here if you need us until you are," he said, placing a steady hand on her shoulder. "So, what will it be?"

Meiko thought about it for a moment, then decided, "Let's go back."

Ken stood from his step on the stairs and extended his hand to Meiko to help her up. As he stood, he almost toppled the bottle of water she rejected earlier. "Almost forgot," he said, picking it up and offering it again, "Do you want this now?"

This time, she took it and drank greedily until the bottle was almost empty. She hadn't realized how parched she was.

"Thanks, Ichijouji-kun. I needed that."

"Don't thank me. It was Hikari's idea to send us each off with those. Thought you might need it. Or we might need it ourselves," he said, wiping his forehead of sweat that had accumulated in the summer heat.

Hikari. She knew she knew she would always envy the girl. If she were completely honest, she envied all of them, for what they all had that she never could. But if she was going to feel the grief forever, she might as well start being open to feeling other things along with it.

"I guess I'll have to thank her myself then."

"You sure you're ready?" Ken asked.

"Ready as I'll ever be," she said, finally letting him help her up. He quickly messaged the others to announce he'd found Meiko, before the two walked together to return to the party, as the sun set on Odaiba Memorial Day.