A/N: I didn't think I'd write another NanoFate fanfic, but here we are.
First of all, huge thanks go to justmadman for beta reading, alpha reading, and reading in general. Thank you, you're the best and this story wouldn't exist without you.
A few things I'd like to take a quick note of:
Honorifics - or lack thereof. Nanoha is the sole exception here as it just wouldn't be her without the "Fate-chan".
Timeline - just to give you a rough idea, this story takes place in the canonverse, a few years after Force (but having nothing to do with it, so rest easy). Naturally, since Force was never finished, I took some liberties with how it ended.
Updates schedule - expect new chapters on Mondays and Thursdays in the evenings, European time.
The cover art was put together by yours truly using free resources found online.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is purely coincidental. I do not own the Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha franchise, nor its characters.
With all that said, enjoy the story.
Second Awakening
"-te! Fate, wake up! Fate!"
I groaned and shooed off the hand that kept prodding my arm, cracking my eyes open, only to find that there was no hand and I was alone in a dim room.
A steady beep-ing of a heart-rate monitor filled the silence.
For a while I just stared at the hospital ceiling, trying to get a grasp of my situation and thinking it was times like this that made my wife disapprove of my job.
Whatever images came to my mind were blurry and out of context, and the bunch of tubes sticking out of my left forearm were not helping me focus.
The shadows cast by the small lamp on a nightstand grew stifling and lying down became increasingly uncomfortable. With a heave (and mindful of the tubes), I pushed myself upward.
The doorknob turned suddenly with a grind. Beep, beep, beep, the monitor picked up its pace, earning me a gentle smile from Shamal standing in the doorway, clad in her white lab coat.
"Good to see you bustling again," she said.
"Hi," I croaked out, then cleared my throat loudly. She offered me a glass of water and I downed it thirstily.
"How are you feeling?"
"Not bad, considering."
"Any dizziness?"
"None so far," I said, watching her check some displays to my left.
"Good. Headache?"
"Not really, I just can't focus." After a moment of silence, I added, "I can't remember how I got here."
Her finger hovered above the screen for a split second longer. "That is to be expected. What's the last thing you can recall?"
"Boarding a spaceship, I think." That image also felt cloudy. "When did that happen?"
"Three days ago." She moved to another display. "How's your eyesight? Any blurry vision?"
"It seems to be fine. Where am I?"
"The military hospital at Midchilda Central," she said and finally turned to face me. "You were admitted three days ago. You lost consciousness while on-board the Ambassador after a massive solar flare eruption."
I tried connecting her words with anything in my mind, then shook my head in defeat.
She patted my arm. "Follow the light, dear," she prompted, turning on a small flashlight, and I obeyed, deciding to be a good girl for now.
Around Shamal's fourth or fifth request, my curiosity started getting better of me.
"Where was I going?"
"That's classified information, I was not in the loop. How many fingers do you see?"
"Three. Was anyone else hurt?"
"A few other crew members got some scratches and bruises, nothing serious. Touch your nose."
"How long will I need to stay here?"
"Until we make sure that you're okay. Good, now with your left hand."
I winced. "But I'm feeling okay," I protested, carefully bringing my finger to my nose anyway.
"No doubt," she stated.
"Can I at least call Nanoha when we're done here?"
To my surprise, she smiled mysteriously in reply. "That shouldn't be necessary."
Right on cue, frighteningly familiar rapid clicking of approaching heels came from the corridor, echoing through the silence. The heart rate monitor picked up its pace again (Shamal thankfully chose to ignore that).
"Save for your memory issues, there seems to be nothing wrong-" she started, just before the door burst open.
"Fate-chan, thank goodness you're awake!"
"-I'll come back in the morning-"
"I swear, what am I gonna do if you don't wake up one day?!"
I watched with growing concern as Shamal pursed her lips while Nanoha all but threw her arms around me.
With an alarmingly saccharine tone, Shamal said, "Nanoha, sweetheart, need I remind you that you're still in the hospital?"
"Hahaha, sorry," Nanoha composed herself, then turned to me, "I'm just so relieved that Fate-chan is awake." She perched herself on the edge of the bed, cupping my cheek.
"I very much share that sentiment," Shamal said, walking toward the door, "But first, could I please have a word with you?"
Nanoha gave me a questioning look but I only shook my head in reply. When they both left the room, I sighed in defeat. It seemed there would be no keeping things to myself this time.
When Nanoha came back, she once again clung to me like a child. Mindful of the tubes (did I really even need them at that point?), I returned the embrace, drowning in her warmth.
"Fate-chan's heart sounds like it wants to take off," she teased with her face buried in my neck.
Trying to ignore the furious beeping in the background, I sunk my head into her shoulders and breathed in her soothing scent. Just from that, the tension started leaving my body. Nanoha remained quiet. Her steady breathing felt hot against my skin.
"Are you okay?" I asked after a while.
She gave a tiny nod. "I was just worried. I don't think I'll ever get used to… this," she made a vague gesture with her hand before falling silent again.
I bet there were more things she wanted to say, but thankfully she chose not to say them.
"I'm sorry for worrying you," I whispered, twirling her hair with my fingers.
"Can't be helped," she chuckled nervously. "Fate-chan wouldn't be Fate-chan if she didn't risk her life for others."
I kissed her head in apology. I knew that she had always understood this. We both risked our lives for others more than once, I was just doing it for a living now.
"Shamal told me you don't remember," she said.
I sighed. The time for avoiding the topic was apparently up. "I hate to ask you that, but… do you know what happened?" I mumbled with resignation.
"We were about to depart to another planet-"
"We?" I perked up. "You were with me?"
Shamal must have known that at least. Not that she could be blamed for not telling me right away.
Nanoha continued, "Mhm, we were about to go together. Safe delivery of highly-classified data. But then… the sun erupted. We were warned just in time to abort the transfer before the blackout."
"Shamal said that some other crew members got hurt… did you…?"
"Not a bruise," she shook her head, sounding almost regretful. "We deployed our shields to protect the rest of the crew. I was at the bridge. You took the engines. Your shield failed."
"Oh," was the only thing I could muster for a moment. Then, "So, the rest…?"
"They're mostly fine. Some minor injuries. You got the worst of it."
The heart-rate monitor kept beeping steadily, filling the silence.
Carefully, Nanoha shifted and tightened her embrace, before saying telepathically, "Fate-chan was already strained from her previous investigation."
Slipping back into our habit, I replied much in the same way, "That only means that I went unprepared." It was just a matter of fact. I was only glad that nobody got seriously hurt.
"You say that but we both know it wasn't your call to make in the end." When I didn't answer, she added, "If it weren't for you, they'd be here in your place. Maybe."
I couldn't argue with what she implied. And after all, it did make me feel somewhat better about what happened.
Nanoha must have figured out what was on my mind because she kicked her boots off and slipped right next to me under the covers on the crampy hospital bed, placing her head on my chest. All the while her hair kept tickling my neck and, eventually, I couldn't hold it in.
"You're doing it on purpose!" I said, laughing.
"Fate-chan must be imagining things," she deadpanned, then blew cold air against my collar bone.
"Nanoha, stop it!"
"Make me."
Pulling her chin gently up, I kissed her. She purred with joy, then wrapped her arms around my neck.
"Good, you should smile more often," she murmured when we broke the kiss, and rested her head against my shoulder.
I pulled her closer and she started snuggling up to me when something pricked me in the ribs. I gasped in surprise.
"What's wrong, Fate-chan?" Nanoha asked, watching me peek under the covers.
"Nothing, I just felt…" I trailed off. Something was trapped between my side and Nanoha's uniform jacket. "Is that yours?"
She followed my eyes down to her chest. "Why, Fate-chan has surely seen them before."
"N-no, I meant this." I carefully picked up the item in question.
Between my fingertips was a cast silver pendant in the shape of an eye. Two strands shot out of the eye's inner corner and the whole thing hung on a small chain around Nanoha's neck.
"Oh, but that's from Fate-chan?"
"Huh?" I frowned. "It's the first time I see it."
I turned the pendant around in my fingers. One of the strands went straight down, like a teardrop. The other one, diagonally between the tear and the rest of the eye, was much longer and finished with a small spiral.
Next to me, Nanoha was shooting me a concerned look. "You don't remember?"
Staring at the delicate silver brow fixed above the pendant's eyeball, complete with a black stone pupil, I shook my head eventually. "Is this some good luck charm? I mean, it's beautiful and all…"
"Something like that," she chuckled nervously. "You brought it as a souvenir from one of your missions."
"And I gave it to you?"
"Mhm, you said it'd protect me from evil while you're away."
"When did that happen?"
She paused, putting a finger to her mouth. "Mmm, a few weeks ago, I think?"
I had no memory of such a thing ever happening, although given the circumstances maybe it shouldn't be that odd. Making a mental note to talk to Shamal about it, I ran my thumb against the pendant's polished surface.
I justified it thinking that I did as Nanoha said - never giving it another thought. At the same time there was nothing in my mind that could've led to me giving it to her in the first place.
Then another thing started worrying me - was there more than just the accident that I couldn't remember? If so, how could I even tell? Maybe something was wrong after all, maybe there was more damage than Shamal initially noticed.
The next time I woke up was due to actual sunlight shining through the half-drawn curtains and a sound of something scurrying next to my bed, rousing me in no time. To my displeasure, I couldn't identify the source.
True to her word, Shamal came back in the morning, followed by a nurse with a tray of food.
Nanoha must have left some time after I fell asleep, as I found a note from her on my nightstand, saying that she would be back after work.
"That's indeed concerning," was Shamal's comment (already having dismissed my suggestion of mice in the hospital) when I mentioned the part about the pendant. "So far, the scans have shown no abnormal activities. Your motor functions don't appear to be impaired either, but we'll do some additional screening just to be sure."
"How long do you think it'll take?" Frankly, I was eager to get out of here.
"I've already scheduled a few examinations around noon. Until then, make sure to rest properly. Remote work is not resting."
"Duly noted," I mumbled, gobbling down another sausage. It was easier said than done, but I kept that part to myself.
I was probably lagging behind with my paperwork, and there simply wasn't much else for me to do anyway. With these kinds of thoughts I picked up a book Nanoha had left for me next to her note.
Mom called at some point to see how I was doing and to fill me in on what I had missed. Apparently, she was living at our place for the time being to keep Vivio and Nanoha some company. She promised to call again in the afternoon.
After that, I tried reading again but I couldn't focus, feeling as if under someone's constant scrutiny. Finding no cameras in the room only made it all the weirder.
Before I could dwell on this impression any longer, a nurse came in and led me to another part of the hospital (I was finally free from the tubes) for my tests.
I came back just in time for the second call with Mom, with Vivio popping up in between her chores every once in a while. Having finished that, I found myself in Shamal's office.
"Aren't you going to ask which news I want first?" I tried joking after spending a few minutes quite literally on the edge of my seat, while Shamal quietly scanned my medical test results laid out in front of her.
She pursed her lips. "As far as I can tell, nothing seems to be wrong with your brain, save for a worsening sense of humor," she said with a frown. "But the fact that you're experiencing some kind of retrograde amnesia regarding events considerably spaced apart in time is a cause for concern."
"Does it mean that there might be other things that I forgot? Other events? Places? … People?"
"There is a possibility."
I let her words sink in.
"So what do I do now?"
"Nothing, really. Aside from further monitoring, we can keep on running more tests and look for any signs of radiation damage, but that's about it."
"So… in case there's more… there's no way to get my memories back?" I faltered, realizing for the first time the seriousness of the situation.
Shamal shook her head. "I didn't say that. There's a chance that your memories will come back on their own. Usually, that's the case with most of the patients. Certain factors, such as a particular smell, sound, or setting can trigger it, but I want to make clear there's no guarantee."
"Are you telling me to just go about my life and wait for it to happen?"
"Essentially, yes."
I slumped in my chair, letting out a sigh. Ironically, inaction was my least expected course of action.
"The good news is, since otherwise you seem to be just fine, we've decided that there's no point in keeping you here. I'd like you to stay one more night for observation, just in case, but tomorrow morning you're free to go home."
Unsure what else to say, I thanked her and returned to my room, all the while resisting the feeling of hopelessness creeping in.
Before I left, Shamal had reminded me why I was here in the first place and that, if not for me, there would be a dozen other members of the crew in my stead, perhaps in far worse conditions. For that, I had no regrets.
Still, and I hated having these thoughts, it was that much harder to feel like a hero when facing a possibly irreparable damage myself.
When I came back, Nanoha was already waiting for me. Not trusting my own voice, I gave her a quick summary via telepathy.
She embraced me before I was even done. "Fate-chan is strong. And even if she doesn't get all of her memories back, I'll make sure she makes lots and lots of happy ones in their place."
Her words really did make me feel better.
The next morning couldn't come sooner. For a long time after Nanoha had left, I kept tossing and turning in bed, anxious both at the prospect of getting out of here, and because every time I almost managed to fall asleep, something would just shake me awake again.
I blamed it on my restless mind. The forceful, unnatural intrusion into something as precious to me as my own memories was more distressing than I liked to admit.
I must have finally passed out shortly before dawn, as the next person to wake me up was the nurse from the morning shift who brought my breakfast.
"There you go, your flangschainen," she said pleasantly, placing the tray on my lap as I tried to rub the sleep off of my eyes.
"I'm sorry, my what?"
She smiled at me sweetly. "Guten appetit, Dr. Yagami is asking you to stop by her office on your way out."
I nodded slowly to her retreating back, then looked at something resembling a blob of meat on my plate. For its off-putting appearance, it didn't taste too bad.
Eventually, I was given my Enforcer uniform to change into (along with Shamal's elaborate explanation that it absolutely did not mean that I could return to work), and around 10 in the morning I was finally picked up by Mom.
The moment I walked through the doorstep of our house, I felt instantly at ease. Sighing with contentment, I plopped down and stretched out on the couch in the living room, for once not even bothering to take my bag upstairs. With my eyes closed, I breathed in the scent of home.
Judging from the sound of boiling water, Mom must have gone straight to the kitchen. Sure enough, she soon reappeared with a steaming teapot.
Without a word, she sat down on what little space was left next to me and started stroking my head. Then, after a while, she spoke softly, "Before you two met, during one of his first missions, Chrono was severely injured and lost some of his memories."
I looked up at her with surprise. "He did? I don't think he ever told me."
"Unironically, I'm sure that's an incident he'd like to forget. It took a few weeks for him to remember who Amy was."
"That… must have been terrible for both of them."
She nodded. "He could only recognize his immediate family at first."
I didn't know what to say. Both my brother and I were no strangers to injury, and I always looked up to him and his way of quietly accepting it as a part of the job he chose for himself. To know that he once faced a similar, if not worse, situation was as baffling as it was reassuring.
"Did he recover fully?"
"Yes, he did," Mom said with amusement. "In fact, he had already given his hopes up, and was about to depart on his first mission after leaving the hospital, when Amy came to see him off - as she usually would. That made him remember."
Imagining the scene, I couldn't help but smile. "Who would've thought my brother could be so mushy," I mused to no one in particular, still processing what I was told.
A few minutes passed before Mom broke the silence. "Say, Fate, why don't you unpack your things while I get a bath ready for you? You look like you could use a good soak." With one last playful ruffle to my hair, she stood up and turned toward the bathroom.
"Thanks." I smiled, stretching lazily and eventually dragging myself off the couch. For some reason, mom kept standing behind me. "Something wrong?" I asked, turning to her.
There was no one there.
"Mom?"
"Yes?" she answered immediately. Her voice clearly came from the bathroom and I couldn't resist going there to check. Suddenly, I didn't want to be alone.
"Vivio's still at school, right?"
"Yes, why?"
"N- nothing," I mumbled, peeking into the now-steamy bathroom.
"Ara, you'll see her again soon, don't worry." She smiled at me briefly before turning back to the bathtub.
I watched her pour the water in for a while before braving a trip back to the living room. It was still just as empty as I had left it.
Thinking how ridiculous I was acting, I strode across the room, grabbing my bag from near the sofa along the way, then turned to go upstairs.
"-up."
I halted, dropping the bag at the disembodied whisper. My heart was suddenly pounding in my chest. The sense of presence from just before felt overwhelmingly real.
A humming sound of running water was coming steadily from the bathroom.
My hand instinctively reached toward Bardiche, pinned to my uniform's jacket. Any second now, I was ready for a fight.
"Bardiche, close area scan," I muttered as my eyes kept sweeping across the still-empty room.
The golden brooch on my chest blinked obediently. "Close-proximity scan complete, Sir. No hostiles detected."
"Do a double check."
"Yes, sir." A blink again. "Second pass complete. Life forms present: Fate T. Harlaown, Lindy Harlaown."
That allowed me to relax a little. The feeling of someone else being in the room with me, whatever- whoever it was, was gone, too. Still throwing careful glances at each and every corner of the house, I once again picked up my bag and went toward our bedroom.
With almost no sound reaching from the bathroom downstairs, the upper floor seemed almost eerily quiet. My senses were still sharpened to a point, and every creak of the wooden floor under my feet thundered in my ears.
Prowling the corridor, I cautiously took a peek into every room along the way. Both Vivio's room and my office were empty. Nothing seemed out of place.
I was just about to close the door to Nanoha's similarly-ordinary office when a small showcase standing on her otherwise-clear desk caught my attention.
The box itself was empty, but the red padding underneath the glass was shaped to fit the pendant I saw on her neck on the night of my awakening.
It must have been really precious for her to even keep the showcase here, I mused in my mind, gently turning the box in my hands.
For a longer while, I stared at the empty shape, still trying to remember anything about it at all, but in my mind it remained as unfamiliar as the first time I saw it. Only when Mom called me from downstairs did I put the showcase back where I took it from and left.
At the time I blamed it all on my overactive imagination; I made sure the room was empty before closing the door. Still, the moment my hand let go of the knob, a muffled cry came from the other side.
It died down as quickly as it appeared, once again leaving me in complete silence.
A/N: Guten appetit means, of course, enjoy your meal in German. Flangschainen is supposed to be an artificial word.
