Early August, 1992
If you had asked Holly yesterday—or even 20 minutes ago—she would've told you that she had finally figured out how to be fully happy, how to be…normal and healthy and how to respond to unexpected events with grace.
That was true until she went to surprise Ross with breakfast in bed and learned he'd already enjoyed it.
It took her a second to realize that the pretty girl in bed with him was her daughter, Blake. It was almost like she was having a stroke; she couldn't quite process anything. It felt like she was looking at a series of images and not something that was happening in front of her. It gave her a weird sense of being removed from what was happening. She could see Ross and Blake were talking but it sounded like she was underwater; she couldn't understand what they were saying.
Holly dropped the tray, barely noticing as everything clattered to the floor. That had the unfortunate effect of snapping her back into the room, putting everything back into focus.
She was hoping to make a fast escape but no such luck; Ross jumped up and ran to block the door.
"You can't drive right now," he said.
He tried to put his arms around her and she shoved him away, feeling a twinge of satisfaction as he stumbled back a step.
"Talk to me," Ross said, trying to sound soothing. "I do care about you, Holly."
Just like that, she felt her emotions shift from shock and devastation to blinding rage. He didn't notice the change in her and kept talking.
"If you'll just let me explain…we never meant to hurt you," he said.
"I don't want to hear it," she said. "You two made a fool of me and you expect me to believe you care how I feel?"
She realized she was crying and hated the way that happened when she was angry. But then, why wouldn't her emotions betray her? There was a lot of that going around today and they might as well join in.
"We weren't even thinking of you," Blake said.
"I can believe that," Holly said, refusing to even look at Blake.
"You used me," she said to Ross.
"That's not what happened," he said.
"You made me think we had a future," Holly said. "I'm sure it was absolutely coincidental that you happened to spend time with me, someone who had a TV station, right?"
"I accepted your help, as you took mine in the past. That's what friends do," Ross said, still trying to calm her down.
"Friends?" Holly said. "This isn't what friends do to each other. You don't string me along while you're sleeping with my daughter. You knew how I felt, Ross. I made it very clear to you that I wanted us to be together. When you had certain campaign events and photo ops, you would trot me out and I was so happy. I thought you finally agreed that we would have a future. And you told me you couldn't get involved with anyone."
"And I meant it," he said. "Holly…"
"Stop!" she yelled. "Don't you understand that everything you say is only making it worse? You knew how much I wanted you, and you were saying just enough to keep me interested…what, as a fallback? I was your contingency plan? You each just coincidentally managed to sleep with the person that would hurt me most?"
"That's not…" Ross said.
"Ross isn't telling you the truth," Blake interrupted. "He's making it sound like it's something that just happened. We've been together for weeks now."
Holly looked at him in shock. "Weeks?"
Blake kept talking but Holly was done. She slapped Ross as hard as she could, so hard that she was sure her hand would sting forever.
"Get out of my way," she said.
He didn't move.
"Ross, if you don't move, this is going to be the top story on the newscast tonight."
"You wouldn't," Blake said.
Holly finally turned to look at her. "Try me. I will burn your lives and this campaign to the ground, and I'll do it with a smile on my face. You always tell me what a horrible mother I am, right? And that's apparently just my natural state. What do you think I'll do when I'm provoked?"
She looked at Ross again.
"Everyone would talk about this. Going public would hurt you, too," Ross said.
"Yeah? I'm already hurt. Taking you both down with me would maybe ease the sting a little. It's definitely worth a try."
He looked at her like she was a stranger and moved out of her way.
She walked out of the room as calmly as she could and slammed the door. She was proud of being able to make it to the car and around the block before she started crying in earnest.
She drove around aimlessly for a little bit and then went to the station. Despite what she had told them, she didn't really want to tell people. She didn't owe them her loyalty, but he wasn't wrong when he said that she didn't want people gossiping about her. And given the way the world worked, she was pretty sure that everyone would have a lot more commentary about her own failures and shortcomings that undoubtedly drove Ross to sleep with Blake. She knew that Ross would face some jokes but also a lot of high fives for being able to sleep with a girl young enough to be his daughter. She and Blake would come across a lot worse by comparison.
She barely made it past the lobby before running into Gilly.
"Holly!" she said. "I have some questions."
"Go ahead," Holly said. "Oh but first we aren't covering Ross's press conference."
"We have to," Gilly said. "It's starting soon and we already have a reporter there."
She bit her tongue but decided to give up the point. If she kept insisting, Gilly would wonder why and her news sense was pretty honed. She knew she could later ask for it to be cut down to a brief piece of video and maybe a soundbite.
"But speaking of Ross, he called."
Holly tensed.
Gilly continued, oblivious. "He seemed concerned about you. Is everything okay?"
Holly turned around and started walking back to her car. "I'm taking a personal day."
"What? Holly…"
"Personal day!" Holly repeated, closing the main door behind her. She was happy Gilly didn't follow her back to her car; that really could've gone either way.
Holly was even angrier now that Ross had called the station. She knew her behavior would reinforce that there was reason to be worried about her, but she also knew herself well enough to know that staying at the station would be an even worse move.
And she'd also realized the best way to handle this situation: tell Roger exactly what his daughter had been up to.
His car hadn't been at the station and so she drove to his house.
She knocked on the door and waited impatiently. She felt like she was actually shaking, she was so tense.
"Holly?" he asked when he opened the door.
"We need to talk."
He stepped back and let her in.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"Obviously not. Why else would I be here?" she said, rubbing her temple.
Roger ignored that.
"What happened?" he asked, looking closely at her face.
"Ross happened."
She started crying again and Roger immediately pulled her into his arms.
He gently stroked her hair, then stepped back slightly and kissed her forehead.
"Why am I so easy to cheat on?" she asked.
She hadn't planned to say that…really, hadn't planned to say any of what she'd said so far. She'd wanted to just tell him about Blake and then sit back and enjoy the epic torment he would inflict on Ross. She also didn't really want to think about how she was willing to be vulnerable with Roger. Probably best not to examine any of it.
"Oh, Hol," he whispered. "That guy is a snake; he always has been. You deserve better."
He took half a step back and gently brushed the tears off her cheeks.
She looked up and studied him for a second before cupping his face in her hands and then pulling him down for a kiss.
He kissed her back, then broke it. "I don't think this is a good idea."
"Oh, it's definitely not," she admitted. "But I don't care."
"This feels like taking advantage of you. You're upset. You'll care in the morning; we both know you will." He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.
"Roger, I'm not asking you to save me from my life. I'm asking you to distract me."
He looked unconvinced and she put a hand on his chest.
"We're a disaster together but we're good at this. Can you just…"
He nodded and they kissed again, breaking only to pull off each other's clothes, leaving a trail of discarded items on their way to his bed.
After, Holly stayed in his arms longer than she really wanted to, long after he'd fallen asleep.
She'd worked so hard to move past her demons, the parts of her personality that kept drawing her to Roger. It was a constant struggle, although she would've denied that to anyone. Exorcising your demons is work and requires vigilance; they never stayed conquered.
Even so? Sometimes she just needed to give in and when she did, she referred to it as "exercising her demons." The wordplay amused her, even as it felt too close to the truth.
She'd go back to fighting later. She always did.
