Author's Note:This story did not go exactly as I expected it would, but sometimes you just need to roll with wherever the muses take you. I killed my beta with some of the dialogue in this one so read at your own risk? (haha!) Also, I love Rollisi as well as Barisi. (I see a common thread. Maybe I just love Carisi.) So I wanted to keep some of the threads of their relationship intact.
It never failed that the sight of Rafael, even after a day this lousy, lightened Sonny's heart. Despite his grim mood, a smile lifted his lips when he got a glimpse of his partner dressed casually in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt waiting by the curb for him. They had plans to meet Sonny's sisters – all three of them, God help them – for dinner and arranged to meet and ride over once Carisi had finished work.
But the day had been awful. Getz was going to slip through their fingers through backroom deals and underhanded tactics, and get away with assaulting possibly dozens of underage girls. The whole situation turned his stomach. Worse yet, he had been played by the very office he worked for.
"Hey, Babe," he greeted tiredly. Despite the exhaustion, disgust, and annoyance, he sighed with relief when Rafael stretched up to kiss him gently.
"You look like you've had a day," Rafael observed.
"You could say that." Sonny glanced around and then turned back to his partner. "You know, why don't we cancel tonight?" he suggested. "I'm sure my sisters would understand. We could go home, watch bad TV, order something in…"
Barba blinked in surprised. "What? Why?" he asked. "I like your sisters."
Sonny smirked and raised a brow. "Even Gina?"
"What? Why?" Rafael repeated without missing a beat. "I like most of your sisters."
Laughing, Sonny stepped closer and pulled Barba to him. "We can go home."
"Gina promised to be on her best behavior," Rafael reminded him. "And I promised not to bait her. Much. What's this really about?"
Sonny sighed, dropped his forehead against Rafael's, and closed his eyes. "I just had a really lousy day."
He felt Rafael's arms slide around his waist and squeeze him tightly. "If you duck out on your sisters, you'll be hearing about it 'till next Christmas," he pointed out. "Let's grab a cab, and you can tell me about your day on the way over."
Recognizing the older man was right, Sonny nodded and stepped back. "Okay," he agreed. "Let's get it over with."
They easily flagged down a cab and climbed into the back, Sonny slumping into the seat.
"Now," Barba said. "What happened?"
The whole story came pouring out. The witnesses who were disqualified. His boss telling him she should have never let a green junior ADA like himself take on such an intense case. The deal cut with the perpetrator behind his back. And walking into court only to find it had been reassigned without notifying him.
"Rafi, when I walked into that courtroom and found it empty…" he trailed off and leaned his head back against the seat. "It was like a punch to the gut." He looked over to his partner. "Am I even cut out for this job?"
"Mi vida," Rafael began, squeezing his knee, "there is not an attorney working for the ADA who has not asked themselves that same question."
"Even you, when you worked there?"
"I mean, not recently."
Again Sonny laughed, rolling his head to look out his window.
"At first I did," Rafael amended. "When I was a young, scared kid coming straight back to New York from Boston and thrown into the bullpen of the Junior ADA's offices, I questioned my decision-making skills. There were several times I thought hard about jumping ship and opening my own practice."
"What changed?"
Rafael shrugged. "I wish I had a magic wand I could wave or a top-secret trick, but the real answer is time." He smiled tenderly and cupped Sonny's cheek. "Don't expect yourself to be in Jack McCoy's office straight off the bat. Give yourself time to slide into the job." He smirked. "Do you remember the brash annoying guy with the mustache who busted into SVU a day before he was supposed to start all those years ago?"
"You have to bring up the mustache again."
"You ended up as one of Liv's best detectives. Give yourself time."
True to his word, Rafael behaved himself where Gina was concerned during dinner. They met with her, Teresa, and Bella, at a small Italian restaurant in Brooklyn, halfway between their place and Staten Island. Rafael swirled his glass of red wine and smiled over the top of it at Sonny, who was laughing at a story Bella was telling about her young daughter. He was glad he'd pushed and convinced his partner to stick with the dinner. Spending time with his family – even Gina – nearly always improved Sonny's mood.
"You're awfully quiet over there, Rafael," Teresa observed once Bella had wrapped up. "What have you been up to?"
"Consulting, mostly," he replied. "I haven't settled on a permanent position just yet, but I enjoy the consulting work. Gives me a chance to explore other avenues of law practice."
"Sonny says you've been spending some time in…Idaho?"
"Iowa," Rafael laughed. "Corn, not potatoes."
"Same difference," Gina put in with a wrinkle of her nose. "Too much…Midwest."
"Is that why you grew the beard?" Teresa asked. "To fit in with the locals?"
"I more just wanted to try something different," he said and stroked the fuzz on his face with a grin. "I won't say that I particularly enjoy Iowa," Rafael conceded. "I enjoy the work. It's been interesting. But…" He paused to take a bite of his veal. "I miss home." His gaze caught Sonny's across the table, and a soft smile passed between them.
Gina rolled her eyes. "Can you two not do that at the table?"
"What?" Sonny asked. "You sayin' I can't look at my partner over dinner?"
"For God's sake, you're my brother, Junior," she shot back. "Man, woman, I don't care who it is, I just don't want the idea of you sleeping with anyone crawlin' through my brain!"
Rafael choked on his food, cheeks flushing with a mixture of embarrassment and laughter. Having been an only child, he had missed out on the joys of sibling banter. Most of the time he was comfortable with that, but occasionally he was reminded on what he missed out on.
Sonny rolled his eyes heavenward. "I'm almost forty years old and she thinks I'm a monk."
"No, I'm pretty sure the way you two act around each other you're twistin' the sheets every night." Gina delicately sipped her own glass of wine. "I just don't want to think about it."
This time Barba picked up his water glass and took a sip to recover. "It's okay, Gina," he said. "We'll spare you the sordid details."
Bella had remained uncharacteristically quiet during the entire exchange. She scooped up a bite of lasagna and shook her head. "As far as I'm concerned, you're all virgins," she put in primly.
"I can't speak for Gina or Sonny," Teresa chuckled. "But I have a daughter. So theory disproven." A wicked twinkle appeared in her eye, and she grinned at Rafael. "But Rafael can speak for our brother."
He flushed brighter. "I'll, um, keep my observations on that particular subject to myself," he managed, and quickly ate another bite.
Sonny's phone rang and he glanced at it, brows furrowing. "Hey, I gotta take this. Be right back." He quickly got up from the table and exited the front door as he answered.
Teresa watched him go. "We barely see him these days," she observed. "And when we do, he is just about glued to that phone." Brow furrowed with concern, she turned back to Barba. "He seems a little subdued tonight. Is he okay?"
"Yeah, he's okay," he assured her. "It's hard being a junior ADA. You get stuck with the crap cases, leg work, very little actual courtroom time. It's a lot of arraignments and no trials. Long hours with almost no reward and thanks." He sighed and gazed thoughtfully at the door Sonny had exited. "He had a particularly bad day today – backroom deal stabbed him in the back – and he's struggling with it." Rafael turned and looked at each of the women in turn. "He'll find his way, and it will get easier."
Gina surprised them all. "I'm glad he has you," she said, quietly.
All three of them gaped at her.
"What?" she huffed.
"I'm… just a little caught off-guard, Gina. That's all." Rafael covered his utter shock with a sip of water.
She sighed and signaled the waiter for a refill on her wine. "Look, I know I give you a hard time," she began. "But it's mostly because you bite back and it's fun. Anyone with eyes can see that my brother is crazy about you, and that you feel the same about him." She shrugged. "And you've been where he is. You can be there for him. Be a sounding board who understands like the rest of us can't."
"I—" Barba shook his head in bewilderment. "Thank you," he said softly, and reached over to squeeze her hand. "Know that I am pretty crazy about him, and I would do almost anything for him."
Before the conversation could go any farther, Sonny returned to the table in a rush. "I'm sorry, I have to go," he said. "That was Benson."
"Liv?" Rafael was immediately on alert. "Is everything okay?"
"No." Sonny picked up his coat from the back of his chair and swung it on. "Rollins is missing."
It had been one of the longest nights of Sonny's life. His best friend had been kidnapped by a rogue former detective with a vendetta. Between helping run the case and calling Amanda's nanny, Sienna, every little while to check on the girls, he was exhausted, frazzled, and worried. He knew Amanda was alive. She had called and checked in on her girls through the night, though from a burner phone with no way to trace it. But they had no way of knowing if she was unhurt or where she was.
"Everything is in place, Carisi," Olivia said. "Ellery has the meet-up set with Abrams. We'll see what comes of that."
"I know," he said. "I just keep thinkin' about Jessie and Billie wakin' up and Amanda not there."
"It's not ideal, but it's not the first time," Olivia said. She offered a wry smile. "It sucks growing up as a cop's kid. You never know if you're going to wake up to your parent or someone else."
Sonny's phone rang, and without looking at it he answered. "Carisi."
"Mr. Carisi? It's Sienna."
Immediately he was on alert. "Hey, Sienna." He glanced pointedly at Olivia. "Is everything okay? The girls alright?"
"They're fine," she assured him. "They're still sleeping. But Mr. Carisi, I have an issue."
"What's going on?"
"My mom just called me," she explained. "My sister is sick, and she needs help. I told her I need to stay with the girls, and she understands that, but…"
"But it's your sister," he finished up, closing his eyes. "Yeah, I get it. I got little sisters too." He glanced up and watched as Benson stepped out of the room to answer a call of her own. "Give me five minutes and I'll call you right back."
He studied his phone for a long minute, trying to piece together a solution. Amanda had no real supports in the city other than the SVU squad, so his options for who could watch the girls were limited. Cursing to himself, he ran through all available options before he settled on the final one and dialed the number.
It took several rings before the sleepy, gravelly voice came on the line. "Barba."
"Hey, Rafi, it's me."
"Sonny? Time is it?" He smiled to himself, picturing Rafael in their bed squinting sleepily at the clock. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Still working this case." He leaned forward in his chair. "Listen, babe, I need a favor. And it's a big one."
"Um, sure." He heard rustling on the phone and imagined that Rafael was sitting up. As though to confirm his assumption, he heard the click of the bedside lamp. "What do you need?"
"Amanda's nanny has an emergency and needs to be relieved with the girls."
Dead silence rang over the phone.
"Babe?" Sonny asked. "You there?"
"You're calling at three in the morning to ask me to babysit?"
"I told you it was a big one," Sonny said. "Look, we still have no idea where Rollins is, but we're working on it. We have some leads and we're getting somewhere. But I don't want to dump someone the kids don't know in on them when they're already scared. They know you."
"I understand," Barba replied, slowly. "But you do know that I am an only child – which means I have no nieces or nephews and very little experience with kids. I'm happy to help, but… are you sure this is a good idea?"
"Nope," Sonny replied. "But I know that those girls are my godchildren, I love them more than anything, and there is no one on this planet I trust more than you. I know you won't let anything happen to them."
Barba blew out a breath. "Well when you put it like that…" Sonny heard rustling over the phone, and the faint sound of bare feet on hardwood floors. "I'll throw some clothes on and go over there."
Despite the situation, Sonny smirked. "Throw clothes on?" He dropped his voice. "So you're—"
"I'll leave that to your imagination, Counselor." There was an answering smirk in Rafael's voice. "Let the nanny know I'll be there within the hour."
A few minutes later, Olivia returned just as Sonny hung up with Sienna. "Everything okay?"
"Sienna needed to be relieved over at Amanda's, so I helped find someone to cover the girls," he explained.
"Did you call your mom?" she asked.
He froze. His mother, who had raised four children. Or his sisters, who had kids of their own. He could have called them, and they would have happily run over to look after his godchildren.
"In hindsight, that would have made a whole lost more sense."
Benson hesitated. "Who did you call?"
He bit his lip and flushed. "Rafael."
She made an impressive effort to hide her shock and amusement. "Rafa?! Does he even know the first thing about taking care of kids?"
Sonny grinned sheepishly. "I guess we'll find out."
Rafael stood over the changing table, his phone propped up against the wall and studied a YouTube video seriously. Brow furrowed, he moved his hands in imitation of the sweet-faced woman on the screen and then gazed down at the blue-eyed baby peering up at him.
"Billie," he said, "I will give you a thousand dollars towards your first car if you promise not to pee on me. Wait, better yet, I'll just buy the damn thing for you."
In response, Billie blew him a raspberry.
"You said a bad word."
He turned towards the voice and found a second small, blonde child in pink pajamas standing in the doorway. "Hi Jessie," he greeted with a smile. "Do you remember me?"
She nodded solemnly. "You're Uncle Sonny's boyfriend. Mr. Barba."
Smile widening, he nodded. "That's right."
Jessie looked around. "Is uncle Sonny with you?"
"No," he replied. "He's at work. Helping your mother."
Again the little girl nodded and walked over to watch as Rafael hesitantly began the task of changing the baby. "What do you say I get your sister changed and then we find some breakfast?"
"Okay." Jessie stood at his elbow to watch. "Mr. Barba," she interrupted. "That's not how Mama or Uncle Sonny change her."
He glanced down at her. "Well," he began. "I've never actually done this before. So, if you have any suggestions, I'm open."
With considering blue eyes, she peered up at him for a minute before she nodded and disappeared through the door. A moment later she returned with a stool and set it next to him. Jessie climbed up to stand beside him and leaned against the changing table. "Okay," she said. "You gotta start by getting the wet one off."
A few minutes later, he had Billie more or less cleaned up and in a dry diaper. "Good job, Mr. Barba," Jessie congratulated him.
He picked up Billie and crouched in front of Jessie. "You know what, kiddo, you're a good partner." He smiled at her. "Do you know what my family calls me?"
She shook her head.
"My name is Rafael, but my family calls me Rafi. Since I'm your uncle Sonny's boyfriend, as you put it, and he's family for you, why don't you call me Rafi too?"
She grinned. "Okay, Rafi," she said with her best imitation of his Spanish inflection. "Now what's for breakfast?"
Standing, he began making his way to the kitchen. "Kid, have you ever had a Cuban breakfast sandwich?"
"I'm fine. He never even touched me."
Sonny's relief at seeing his closest friend was marred by how shaken and upset she clearly was. Rollins had held firm while Bucci was still in the room, but once Fin had herded the man out she had waivered and collapsed against the wall.
"Okay," Benson said, touching her hand, "well, we'll still get you to the hospital."
"No," Amanda said firmly. "I'm tired and I need to see my girls."
"Okay," Benson relented.
"I'll drive. I'll drive you," Sonny said, stepping over and taking her arm.
"I need to call Sienna," Amanda said. "Can I use your phone? Mine is…Bucci destroyed it."
He paused. "About that," he began. "Sienna isn't with the girls. She had a family emergency, so I found someone to relieve her."
She whirled on him. "Who is with my kids?"
"Um…" he hesitated, and gave a sheepish half-smile. "Rafael."
Amanda gawked at him. "You let Barba babysit?"
"Looking back, I probably should have called my ma, but Manda, listen." He took her by the arms and led her to the elevator. "There is no one on this planet I trust more than Rafael. Maybe he isn't the most experienced choice," he conceded. "But he will do his best to take care of them."
He met her gaze unwaveringly, and finally she nodded. "Can we call him?"
Sonny dialed Barba's number and put it on speaker.
"Barba."
"Babe, we found Amanda. She's right here, and we're heading that way."
Rafael heaved a huge sigh of relief. "I'm glad to hear that," he said. "Hang on a second. Jessie, can you get that out of the dog's mouth?" He came back on the line. "Dominick, you didn't tell me there would be a dog, too."
Sonny bit off a laugh. "Everything okay?"
"Everyone is clean, dry, and fed. More or less. Rollins, are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Barba, I should be home in, uh, half hour. Uh, less- less than an hour, okay?"
"Sure," Barba replied. "We're just watching a movie."
"I can't wait to be home," Rollins said. "All right, tell the girls. Thanks." As Sonny hung up the phone, Amanda leaned against the wall of the elevator cab and pressed a hand to her forehead.
"Are you okay?" Sonny asked, softly.
"Yeah."
Concerned, he stepped closer. "Hey, Rollins…"
"No." She shook her head. "No."
Sonny softened and opened his arms. "Okay, come here." She collapsed against him and dissolved into tears, Sonny hugging her tightly. "I got you," he murmured. "I got you."
Half an hour later, Sonny followed Amanda through her front door. Her apartment was in disarray, and Jessie was curled up against Barba's side on the sofa. Billie was playing with blocks while perched in his lap.
"Mommy!"
Jessie jumped off the couch and launched herself at Amanda, who crouched and caught her in a tight, grateful hug. "Baby, I am so glad to see you!"
Smiling as he watched the happy reunion, Sonny turned to his partner as he walked over with Billie. "Thank you for looking after them," he said, taking the baby.
"It was… surprisingly okay. Jessie was a big help in figuring things out."
Sonny looked past them to the TV. "What are you watching?"
"Into the Woods," Rafael replied.
"Aren't they a bit young for that?"
Rafael shot him a withering look. "You're never too young to learn about Sondheim."
Sonny laughed and passed Billie to Amanda, who gratefully enfolded the baby into the family embrace. "Thank you, Barba, for looking after them," she said, softly.
"It was fine," he assured her. "We had a good time. The girls are amazing." He shifted uncomfortably. "I may have had to watch a couple of YouTube videos to learn how to change diapers. I guarantee nothing about the results. Also, after that endeavor you may need a new package of diapers as soon as possible."
Jessie wrapped her arms around Sonny's knees and peered up at him. "Rafi is a terrible diaper changer."
Rafael crouched in front of her and gave her a mock glare. "Traitor."
After Rollins assured them that she didn't need anything and she and the girls would be just fine, Sonny and Rafael said their farewells and left them alone.
"Seriously, thanks again for taking care of the girls," Sonny said as they strode down the stairs. "I know it was way outside of your comfort zone."
"Really, it was okay," Rafael said. "It was a bit like being tossed in the deep end and told to swim, but I figured it out. The important thing is that Rollins is okay." He paused and glanced at Sonny. "She is okay, isn't she?"
Sonny didn't look at him, but shrugged. "I mean, she's not hurt."
"Sonny…"
He blew out a breath. "She's shaken up. And a bit of a mess." He glanced over at Rafael. "But she'll hold up." I hope.
They lapsed into silence as they stepped out of the apartment building and onto the sidewalk. Sonny jammed his hands into his trouser pockets. "Have you ever thought about having kids?"
Rafael nearly tripped over his feet.
"Well I didn't think it was that shocking," Sonny said, pausing to check and make sure he was okay.
"I was just caught by surprise." Barba caught back up to him and fell in step beside him. "I don't suppose I have," he admitted. "I've been so focused on my career for so long. And now I'm pushing fifty." He shrugged. "Maybe it's just not in the cards." He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. "Are you saying you do want to think about it?"
"I don't know," Sonny admitted. "Like you, I've been focused on my career and haven't thought about it." He slid his arms around Rafael's waist. "And then I saw you with the girls today and it just got me wondering."
He was gratified when his partner blushed. "They're good girls," Rafael said. "And I was surprised to find myself enjoying them."
"But...?"
Rafael shrugged. "But nothing. I just haven't thought about kids of my own before."
Sonny kissed him gently. "How about we not take anything off the table just yet?"
Rafael smiled. "Okay, but if we one day do decide to do it? I'm really going to need something more in-depth than YouTube."
"Deal."
