You're unlikely to experience this for yourself, so take my word for it: waking up in someone else's body sucks. Waking up in someone else's body when they're the opposite sex sucks more. Waking up in someone else's body when they're the opposite sex and you formerly believed she was just a fictional character sucks even more than that. Waking up in someone else's body when they're the opposite sex and you formerly believed she was just a fictional character and she'd just been in a car accident might was well be a black hole, such were the levels of suck.

I came to awareness and the first thing I noticed was the pain, firmly grounding me in reality and assuring me this was the real world. My head ached like a motherfucker. I opened my eyes, and promptly lost all my higher brain functions.

I was in the personal space of what could only be an angel. High school age, with gorgeous features that hadn't fully matured into the handsomeness of a grown man. But wow, he was already a serious catch. Hair that was a perfect mix of chestnut and ginger, making it look like burnished copper wire. Eyes that were a curious shade of yellow-brown, like he was wearing colored contacts, it didn't seem natural. Unnaturally pale, seriously, he might as well have been wearing white cake makeup.

The angel looked at me with such concern. "Are you okay?" he asked, voice intense.

I managed to flip the breakers in my brain and stopped being a drooling imbecile in the presence of a divine being. I sighed. "Well, fuck. I'm dead, aren't I?"

"No, you're not dead," he assured me.

"Nope, pretty sure I'm worm food. Finally chased one too many Xanax with a little too much overproof rum and I OD'd in my sleep. And now you're here to guide me to whatever comes next. Virgil to my Dante. Though maybe someone made a clerical error and I'm going to Heaven and you're Beatrice," I rambled. I tend to do that in the presence of people I'm attracted to. A rare few find it endearing, most find it annoying.

The angel looked at me oddly. "Bella, you're not dead. Though now I'm concerned about your recreational drug use."

I frowned. "What did you just call me?"

"Bella," the angel said, seemingly confused at my confusion.

"That's not my name," I told him. I was blanking on my real name at the moment, but I knew bone deep that wasn't it. It was too feminine for one thing.

"Isabella, then," the angel corrected.

"That's not my name either," I protested.

The angel had a look of growing panic. "Bella, you've hit your head, you're confused."

"Confused, yes, but I know my own damn name and it's not Bella," I rolled my eyes, which exacerbated my head ache. Okay, save eye rolls for later.

"What is your name, then?" the angel asked.

"I… huh. It's on the tip of my tongue… well, I know it's not Bella! Bella is a girl's name. I'm a dude," I scoffed.

The angel blinked. "You're, um… you believe you are a man, inside?"

"The word 'believe' implies it's an opinion, it's a goddamn fact! I'm male, and I don't care how pretty you are, keep calling me some girly name and we're going to throw down," I told him. I winced. "Though, um, maybe rain check until the doctor checks me out. My head is killing me."

"Yes, you should definitely go to the hospital," the angel nodded, looking mildly panicked on my behalf.

"Well, what's your name? I can't keep calling you 'angel' in my head," I asked pointedly, taking the focus off me.

"My name is Edward," the angel told me, in a voice like velvet-wrapped piano music.

It clicked then. Well, sort of. "Oh, I get it. You're Edward Cullen, I'm your Bella Swan. This is roleplay, some kinky game you like to play. Got it, got it."

"Bella, you're quite frankly alarming me," 'Edward' told me with wide eyes.

"Get used to it, I'm known to be rather alarming. Comes with having Asperger's and being unmedicated bipolar for half your life," I said. "So, Edward, where are we in the timeline? At what point have I woken up as Bella in the epic Twilight Saga?"

Edward was looking at me like he was suddenly worried that maybe he was in some kind of danger being so close to me. "Bella, you were almost hit by Tyler's van. I pulled you out of the way. You hit your head on the pavement, and now I'm convinced you have a serious concussion."

"Ah, I see, we're still in the first book. You just risked your family's exposure to save me from Tyler's van skidding on the ice. Which would explain the headache, you weren't exactly gentle maneuvering her out of the way while stopping the van," I mused.

"You think I stopped a van?" Edward asked with just the right note of disbelief, like a master actor delivering a perfect line. Designed to make me question my sanity and retract my statement in embarrassment. Too bad gaslighting doesn't work when it involves a fandom I was mildly obsessed with.

"Well, yeah. You're a vampire. Vegetarian, so pound for pound you're weaker than you'd be if you fed on human blood, but you could pick up the van with one hand if you wanted to," I said, like it was so obvious.

Edward froze. I think he even stopped breathing. "You think I'm a vampire?" he said, and the delivery wasn't as perfect this time. There was genuine fear hidden in those topaz eyes.

"I know you're a vampire, it's kind of a central point of your character and the whole plot. But don't worry, I'll play along like I'm actually Bella Swan. Keep my mouth shut. Don't want to tempt Rosalie or Jasper into deciding to enforce the Volturi's edict and silence me," I said, holding a finger to my mouth in the 'shh' gesture.

Edward just stared at me.

And then we were mobbed by a bunch of high school kids and adults who were probably their teachers. And that's when I realized the details of my surroundings. I was on the asphalt of a parking lot. I was in a hollow between an antique rusted red truck and a blue van. And everyone, absolutely everyone, was calling me 'Bella'.

Now, call me a coward, but I don't deal with emotional displays from total strangers well. I basically clammed up. I was quiet as EMTs arrived and fitted me with a neck brace at Edward's insistence and I was loaded on a stretcher into an ambulance. When a mustached man in a cop's uniform showed up and called me 'Bella', I just stared at him in incomprehension. That seemed to worry him.

In the ambulance they asked me a bunch of basic questions, but I think I got the answers wrong somehow. Every word out of my mouth seemed to make the EMTs uncomfortable. My responses to their questions (What's your name? Can't remember. What year is it? 2022. Who's the president? Joe Biden.) got me a lot of concerned looks.

Blame it on my pounding headache and all the hustle and bustle, but it wasn't until I was in the hospital and I was settled on a bed that I realized something very significant.

I was in the wrong body.

Like my real name, the exact dimensions of my original body eluded me, like a fact just out of reach during a brain cramp. But I sure as hell knew I wasn't this small, or this pale, or this female. I had the sense I was tall and a bit heavy, but this body couldn't be more than 5'4 and 120 pounds soaking wet. I wasn't sure what shade my skin was supposed to be, but it certainly wasn't alabaster pale that only looked slightly less unnatural than Edward's beyond-albino whiteness. And I most definitely was not supposed to have what were undeniably generous mammaries on my chest and, when I outright reached into my pants in front of God and everyone, a lack of a certain twig and berries.

I would like to say that a profound sense of calm and Zen welled up from deep within my soul and I realized I was a transmigrant then and there. But I basically gave a Miss Havisham scream and freaked out everyone in earshot.

I was very lucky that the nurses put it down to a delayed reaction to my almost being crushed by a van and left me to have my panic attack in peace. I was a gibbering wreck as I was poked and prodded and they gathered my blood pressure and such for the good doctor who would come to see me. They brought in some boy who called me Bella and looked like he was in a car crash. That just made my keening and rocking back and forth pick up pace.

I was wheeled away for x-rays. I was asked if there was a chance I was pregnant. I almost broke into hysterical giggles, but part of me realized I was cruising for a 24-hour observational lockdown and a thorazine drip if I didn't get my shit together. I replied that 'I' was a virgin, and I was x-rayed. I was wheeled back to the ER, next to the injured boy who I guessed must be Tyler Crowley. I basically ignored him as he kept trying to apologize to 'Bella'.

When Edward walked into the ER, my eyes went to him. I had pinched myself a dozen times, but I hadn't woken up. I suppose this could be a coma dream, but I doubted my subconscious could actually serve up a vision as stunning as Edward Cullen. Because, wow, he was something. A far off corner of my mind that had already accepted my fate reminded me that all vampires were physically appealing to their prey, it was just the venom enhancing their human features to draw in the humans they fed upon. But I had a feeling even human Edward had been model worthy.

"Bella, are you feeling better?" he asked, eyeing me with a perfectly polite, concerned mask for his face. But his eyes were closed off, guarded. I reviewed what I'd said earlier and felt a very real surge of fear. While I wanted to deny this was happening, my suspension of disbelief couldn't stand up to the evidence of every single sense. By all appearances, I was Bella Swan now. And I had foolishly revealed to Edward I knew what he was.

I may or may not have seized on Edward as an outlet for all my turbulent emotions. "No, Edward Anthony Masen Junior, I am decidedly not okay. Some Random Omnipotent Being is laughing their ass off, because they took my soul and stuck me in Bella Swan's body! I now have breasts, can only be described as 'petite', and I have way too much hair. And to add a cherry to this fantabulous shit sundae, I am now within the effective killbox of your lunging range and I'm your singer. If you snap and kill me and I don't wake up as a Harry Potter character, I am most certainly suing!"

"It's just the stress of the accident, she doesn't know what she's saying," one of the nurses said with a pitying smile.

"He. He knows what he's saying. To hell with how the other characters take this, I'm keeping my preferred pronouns," I grumbled.

Edward sat at the end of my bed while the others in the ER sort of looked at me like I'd said something very strange. "Bella, you're talking nonsense. Once you recover from your concussion, you'll realize how much of today you imagined," Edward said, so convincingly.

"Oh, spare me the gaslighting, I'll keep the secret out of self-preservation if nothing else. And in case you missed it, nobody's taking anything I'm saying right now seriously anyway," I huffed at him.

Edward stared at me. "Bella… what do you see when you look at me?"

"I see a character out of one of my favorite supernatural romance series, and I have apparently transmigrated into the heroine's body. I know EVERYTHING, or at least everything the author featured in the original worldbuilding. I admit I'm a bit iffy on some fine details on whether they're canon or just fanon," I said.

At that moment, a blond man who could only be Carlisle walked in, he was obviously a vampire and just as obviously wearing a doctor's coat. "Miss Swan," he greeted, eyeing me with a kind smile but his eyes were as guarded as his son's. "How are you feeling?"

"It's Mister, actually. Until such time as I get evicted from this body and the real Bella takes it back, I'm sticking to being male, to high hell with the consequences," I said. "And I've always wanted the chance to ask you this, why do you hide the accent?"

"What accent?" Carlisle blinked.

"You were born and raised in England, why don't you sound British?" I asked plainly.

Carlisle froze for a second too long to be human but he covered it masterfully. "I'm afraid you're mistaking me for someone else, Isabella."

"No, you're definitely Carlisle Cullen, leader of the largest coven on the planet after you-know-who in Italy if you don't count the newborn armies in the South. Vegetarian too, for which I'm profoundly grateful and sincerely impressed. Hey, where do you worship? You can't be Anglican anymore since you moved here," I sort of babbled. Blame it on the attraction factor, it really was a shame Esme had already nailed him down.

Carlisle traded a significant glance with Edward. "Miss… Mister Swan, I'm going to take you to my office to answer some questions."

"Sure, whatever, long as you don't suck me dry while we're alone," I giggled a tad uncontrollably.

Carlisle had me put in a wheelchair and wheeled me to his private office. He moved just a tad too fast around the desk to face me, Edward beside him. "Bella, how do you know what we are?" Carlisle asked intensely.

"Do I have to spell this out with smoke signals or something? I. Am. Not. Bella. Part of me is freaking out about what actually happened to her. Maybe she's just as freaked as I am in my real body, maybe she's just gone, overwritten by whatever process stuck me in her body. I, on the other hand, am a humble minimum wage food service grunt who is a barely functioning drug addict and up to his eyeballs in debt who keeps himself from committing suicide with escapism into other worlds via popular media. Among them the Twilight Saga, and now I'm getting to live the adventure myself," I said in a chaotic rush.

"What is the Twilight Saga? You've mentioned it before," Edward asked, looking wary of me.

"The 4 original books and their various spinoffs and film adaptations written by Stephanie Meyer that became a worldwide sensation. Detailing the love story between ordinary human Bella Swan and the immortal teenage vampire Edward Cullen. So either I've somehow woken up in the books or Meyer was just accessing some parallel dimension with disco-ball vampires and decided to amuse the people in my world with what she saw. She claims the books started with a dream she had about Edward talking to Bella in his meadow, maybe she has a power like Alice," I rambled.

"You think we're storybook characters?" Carlisle asked, sounding like he feared for my sanity.

"How else would I know so much shit about you? Why the sudden personality change in poor Bella?" I asked pointedly. "It's not like hitting my head gave me some second gift besides the mental shield and I'm now clairvoyant or something."

"Mental shield?" Edward asked curiously.

"Bella basically has an anti-psychic field strong enough even as a human to keep out Aro himself, let alone you," I explained helpfully. "Kind of saves your bacon, when the Volturi come to wipe out the Cullens. She stops Jane, Alec, Chelsea, renders you immune to half the Volturi's arsenal in one fell swoop."

"Why would the Volturi come to eliminate us?" Carlisle asked in alarm.

"Spoiler alert, vampire males can impregnate human females. Edward knocks Bella up on their honeymoon. She survives the birth, albeit she needs venom injected straight into her heart to jumpstart the process of saving her life, and takes to immortality like a fish to water. But Irina sees her and Edward's daughter, assumes she's an immortal child, and reports to the Volturi. Aro, being an unrepentant megalomaniac, uses that as the excuse to wipe out your coven and recruit Edward and Alice," I told Carlisle.

"He… Aro wouldn't do that," Carlisle said in denial.

I sighed. "Talk to Eleazar if you don't believe me. You'll find a pattern of covens with gifted members being accused of some crime, all but the gifted murdered, and the prize invited into the guard and kept there by Chelsea. Demetri springs to mind, though from what I hear Amun is so unbearable he probably leapt at the chance to get away from his captor."

Carlisle frowned… "Okay. Clearly, you have access to information that Isabella Swan should have no way of knowing. I'm willing to believe your story for now."

"Great. Which still leaves me with the mild problem that I'm in the wrong body, in the wrong world, and there's a very real chance Charlie will have me on antipsychotics when he realizes I'm not his beloved daughter," I pointed out.

Carlisle nodded, frowning. "I'm not unsympathetic to your plight… I'm terribly sorry, what is your name?"

"It escapes me, I don't know why, I call ROB hijinks," I growled. "Since I refuse to go by Beau like the male version of Bella in Meyer's genderbent version of the first book, call me Bellamy. It's a bit like Bella, but it's a guy's name, and it'll work for now until such time I remember my real name or Bella reasserts herself in this reality."

"Right. Bellamy, then. How good an actor are you?" Carlisle asked in all seriousness.

"Not enough to act like the limp noodle, bleeding heart, beta female that is Bella Swan," I sighed. "Look, TBIs can be known to cause personality changes. I don't suppose you could flub my x-rays and explain to Charlie that his little girl basically died and he'll have to get to know 'me' from scratch?"

"I can certainly ease your way, but you'll have to meet me in the middle. Can you be… similar to Bella Swan? How convincing can you be as a daughter who just had the fright of her life and some mild brain damage and not a completely different person wearing her face?" Carlisle asked.

"I'd say fuck him, but Bella's a minor and he can sign her into inpatient psychiatric care no matter how much fuss I make," I sighed. "Fine, I'll try to be… Bella-like. But until she grew a spine as a vampire, she was really kind of pathetic. The worst blend of Juliet, Cathy, every tragic romantic heroine in the book. And I'm sticking with the whole 'still a dude' thing, that's nonnegotiable."

"I suppose a near-death experience can lead to some soul searching and you're coming out as transgender won't be too hard to swallow," Carlisle mused.

Edward was staring at me. "You said… Bella and I have a child. A child conceived on our honeymoon."

I sighed, reflecting that I wasn't the only one with a raw deal here. "Look, Edward, I didn't ask for this. And I'm sorry I somehow ended up body-snatching your mate's body. Hopefully I find some way to go back to my world or Bella finds a way back here and you can meet her and fall in love with her. But if not, well… I'm sure there's other women in the world you could fall for. Or, hey, I don't know your Kinsey score, maybe men. The point is… I'm not Bella. I'm Bellamy, and even that's just a temporary nickname until if/when I remember who the fuck I actually am. Sorry, but… well, what can you do?"

Edward closed his eyes. "Of course. My potential mate not only has the most desirable blood I could possibly find, but now her mind has been stolen by a man who read all about our love from a book. God is laughing at me."

"Did you tell him your plans?" I snarked.

Edward barked a harsh laugh.

Carlisle set his shoulders. "Bellamy, I'll take you to the waiting room. Try to keep Charlie Swan from having you institutionalized."

"I am fully behind this plan of action. Straightjackets are so out of fashion," I chuckled weakly.

I was wheeled to the waiting room by a helpful Carlisle. Edward stayed behind in the office, probably to brood about losing his lady love before they even had a chance to get to know each other. This was only the third day they'd had any kind of interaction after all.

The mustached cop from earlier rushed up to me and Carlisle. "Bella! Are you okay? Is she going to be okay, Dr. Cullen?"

"Hey… Dad," I said, hoping my hesitance came off as shock and not just feeling weird about addressing a stranger like he was family.

"Chief Swan, I don't want to alarm you, but there may be long-term consequences to the accident this morning," Carlisle said, in that calm doctor's voice they use when they have to break the news to family that a loved one has a terminal condition.

"What? What's wrong?!" Charlie asked, looking at me as if he could see where the boo-boo was and kiss it better.

"On top of a concussion, which I will fully brief you how to monitor later, it is my professional diagnosis that Bella has retrograde amnesia. It's not exactly how it's portrayed in the movies. Essentially, the head injury has interfered with her brain's natural workings. She will have trouble recalling certain types of memory. She doesn't have to relearn how to walk or speak English, but she may find herself not recognizing the layout of your house or not remembering the names of her friends. Every case is different, and some recover with time. But you will have to accept and adjust to the fact that Bella might be in essence a different person now. We are the sum of our memories, after all, and now a large swathe of hers have vanished from her mind," Carlisle told Charlie.

"His," I piped in.

Carlisle cleared his throat. "Also, on a completely separate issue, I believe your daughter is female-to-male transgender. Bella has expressed irritation and confusion to the use of female pronouns and insists on the fact that 'he' is male since arriving. I don't believe this to be a direct consequence of the concussion or amnesia per se. Transgender individuals are who they are, it's inherent to their character, they just often have fear or social programming against 'coming out' and revealing themselves. Bella, who has asked to be called 'Bellamy', is a man in a woman's body, or at least that's what he truly believes. Who are we to argue with him?"

"What the hell?" Charlie asked. "Doc, can't you fix her?"

"On both issues, I am powerless. I can't cut open Bellamy's head and make him remember all the things he's forgotten. As for being a different gender than his sex assigned at birth, frankly Chief Swan, there's nothing to fix," Carlisle said. Given he was born during the reign of Charles I, I was actually impressed with how progressive and open-minded he was being.

"I was going to tell you… Dad. I'm not sure when, but I was going to tell you I was a boy. I haven't even told Mom though," I said, channeling as much emo and low self-esteem as I could to come off as Bella. So sue me, for all it was an engaging plot, her character was plain sad.

Charlie gulped. "Dr. Cullen… are you saying my daughter's gone?"

"No, that is not what I'm saying. I'm saying your daughter is really your son, just in the wrong body. And due to the concussion and amnesia, may be easily confused or seem unfamiliar with certain people or tasks than he should. But in every other way, from what I can tell, Bellamy survived the crash with barely a scratch. You're lucky you didn't have to come identify his body. Frankly, Chief Swan, I'd take what you have and be grateful," Carlisle said plainly.

Charlie gulped. I think I saw tears, and I can only imagine he was mourning his little girl, who had been replaced by me. I felt truly wretched, even though this whole scenario happened against my will. "I'm sorry, Dad," I told him.

Charlie wiped his eyes. "Not your fault, Bells. Not anyone's fault. We'll… we'll get through this."

"Kay," I nodded. "Hey, Carlisle, can I stand? I think he needs a hug."

"Go ahead," Carlisle encouraged.

I got up, and was reminded that Bella was short. Like, a good foot shorter than what felt right. But I ignored that and went into Charlie's arms. I held him tight, just offering this poor man some comfort, and he hugged me back. It was nice, even though I was motivated more by pity than familial affection.

"So… Bellamy, huh?" Charlie asked, wiping his eyes and nose.

"First guy name that popped into my head when everyone was calling me 'Bella' and it felt wrong," I admitted.

"Well… can we talk about sports, now?" he asked, jokingly and still sounding kinda miserable.

"Sure, father-son bonding time. Hey, it's January, right? The Super Bowl is coming up! Any plans?" I asked. I was actually kinda excited, not like I was an encyclopedia and remembered who played or the final score. I could enjoy the game all over again.

"I usually go down to Harry Clearwater's house in La Push. I wasn't going to go this year, but if you want we can," Charlie offered.

"Sure thing!" I nodded. "So… can we go home? I'm kinda starving, I don't think I had a big breakfast before this whole cluster happened."

"Sure thing… Bellamy," Charlie nodded.

Carlisle gave Charlie the rundown on treating someone for a concussion, not letting me sleep longer than 4 hours and asking me basic questions. We walked through the hospital, running into what looked like half the school. Charlie kept them at bay, and we got to his cruiser. Charlie winced. "Yeah… you kinda need to call your mom."

"She'd be freaking out over me just being in a car accident. Me coming out as trans and having amnesia? She's going to blow a gasket," I sighed. "Can you do it for me?" I pleaded.

"We can do it together," he offered, giving me a small supportive smile.

We drove to a little white house. The kitchen was painted a sunny yellow color, but it clashed with the counters and dark wood of the cabinets. Charlie called up Renee, gave the barebones description of what happened and Carlisle's diagnosis, and then handed me the phone.

"Bella? Are you okay?!" asked a woman's voice I'd never heard, but intellectually knew was Renee Dwyer.

"Um, everything's… kinda fuzzy. Like, it takes a couple seconds for things to 'click' and me to remember or recognize them, and sometimes it doesn't happen at all. But I'll take that over being a red smear on the side of Tyler's van, that's for sure," I answered.

Renee outright sobbed. "I could have lost you! You need to come home right now!"

I sighed. "Mom, think. For one thing, I already am home. I'm with Dad. The house in Phoenix is empty. Second, I really am fine. Killer headache, and I can't remember what the house in Phoenix actually looks like, but really, I'll be okay. You don't have to drop everything and the price for a roundtrip ticket to Seattle just to check in on me."

"Bella, baby, are you sure?" Renee asked.

"Positive. I'm a bit dinged up, but I'll recover. Just relax and focus on Phil," I pushed.

"Well, if you're sure," she sighed. And wow, she was giving up pretty quickly. Way easier than my mom would have. My mom would have walked to Forks to see I was okay if it had been me in this situation. But then, my mom was awesome like that, and book Bella always made it clear that she felt more like a mom to Renee than the other way around.

"I am. Just… take a chill pill, okay?" I said lamely. Crap, was that a phrase yet in 2005?

Renee chuckled. "Alright, baby. Don't forget to email me, and you can call whenever!"

"Sure thing," I agreed, and hung up on her there. Better to quit while I was ahead.

"You didn't mention the whole… being a boy thing," Charlie noted as I hung the phone back in its cradle.

"That's a whole other conversation. I'll wait a week for the dust from this to settle before I tell her I'm changing my name and pronouns," I huffed. "So, guessing we both have the rest of the day off. TV? Pizza? Figure out how we feel about each other?"

Charlie chuckled. "Sure thing, Bells. I mean, Bellamy."

"You can call me Bells. You're my dad, you get special privileges," I told him.

An hour later, we were watching Friends reruns and scarfing down a supreme from the local pizzeria, not a chain. This was a small town, after all. In my world, Forks had really modernized and become a bit of a tourist attraction purely for being mentioned in the books and movies. Superfans took pilgrimages there, it was a thing. Same with the real Volterra in Italy. But in the book 2005 version, it was Hicksville, Washington.

"So… do you like girls, since you're a boy?" Charlie asked hesitantly as I laughed at one of Chandler's masterful puns.

I sighed. "I like girls. I like boys too. I don't have the right plumbing to do what I want with them, and until science finds a solution to that I'm kinda stuck. Being in a physical relationship is going to be weird for me on a lot of levels since I'm in the wrong body, or at least that's how I feel. Plus I'm socially awkward and probably about to become a pariah when I come out as trans in a small town. So, you don't need to worry, Dad. I'm probably going to die alone and with my virginity intact."

He blushed up a storm, but bless him, he tried to be supportive. "I can't imagine what that must be like for you. If I woke up as a woman, I'd be pretty freaked out. But I love you, Bells. If you find any yahoo in town or a nice girl and they accept you for who you are, I'm sure you'll both figure something out."

I grinned. "You're a pretty cool dad."

He snorted and drank some beer.

The pizza finished, I went to explore the house that I would be living in for the foreseeable future. I found 'my' room, distinct by dint of the cactus on the windowsill. I checked the drawers and closet. While more feminine that I would prefer, it was mostly shirts and jeans. I wouldn't be forced to wear a dress from lack of options. And I also noted I had barely a week's worth of clothes. I needed to go shopping pronto. Then, bracing myself, I went into the bathroom, locking the door. I stripped naked, then forced myself to look in the mirror.

First thing that went through my head was '6/10, would bang' . Seriously, though, Bella was pretty average. A C cup in my estimation, though I'd check the bra I'd wrestled out of to be sure. That milky white skin absolutely everywhere, no tan lines despite being fresh from Phoenix, Arizona. No moles or freckles, though I noted quite a few scars. Oh right, Bella was a klutz, really hope I didn't have to deal with that. I stared at her face. Her hair fell to her mid-back, and was dark brown with some barely visible red highlights. Her eyes were dirt brown, nothing exceptional. She had a nose and lips and ears and all the other things other human faces had. Taken together, she looked like an extra from the set of a movie, deliberately cast for being forgettable. I don't see what would have Edward, Mike, Eric, and Tyler going gaga. Well, Edward fell in love with her mind first, and the other 3 boys were probably just attracted to her 'newness', since she was the unknown from the big city and not someone they'd known since kindergarten.

I touched myself, just moved in the mirror, trying to work into my brain that the creature in the mirror was me, or at least the shell I was inhabiting. I got to my crotch, and hesitated. I had limited experience with these things even in my real body. Now that I was the owner of one, well… I was leery. Afraid of what would happen, I began to explore.

The clit really wasn't that different from the head of a penis, though an awful lot smaller and thus a bit more concentrated. The labia really were like lips, which is why they were named that I guess. I wasn't turned on, so I sucked my finger to get it wet and hesitantly slid it into Bella's (or my, and wasn't that a mindfuck) vagina. It was freaky. A bit like being penetrated anally, but also completely different. It was a totally unique sensation, using a tunnel that I simply had not had in my original body. I chickened out before it started to feel good, but I knew at some point I'd probably be masturbating. I was far too curious to compare and contrast the female and male orgasms.

I went to the bathroom (sitting down, would have to get used to that), flushed, and went back down after washing my hands. I got back to the living room and just talked with Charlie. He was a pretty cool dude, for all he was satisfied with a small town and I was a city boy through and through.

When it got late, I made us dinner. Just boxed mac and cheese, nothing chef worthy. I could feed myself, but I wouldn't be getting a Michelin star at any point in my lifetime. Hope Charlie would brush it off as the amnesia.

For some reason, a rather obvious fact didn't occur to me until we were sitting at the table. "I'm in high school," I said, dawning horror in my tone.

Charlie looked up from the Kraft goodness. "Yeah, Bells."

"I am in high school in 2005. In Forks, Washington. And I am trans." I carefully moved my bowl out of the way and then brought my head down to lie on the table. "Kill me now. It'll be kinder."

"Bells, no death jokes. I almost lost you this morning," Charlie said sternly.

"Sorry, poor taste. But seriously, high school?! Homework and dances and who sits with who at lunch?!" I almost started crying, I really did.

"You'll survive," Charlie chuckled, probably thinking I was just being silly.

I went up to my room and actually did cry. In retrospect, the high school thing was just the straw that broke the camel's back. I needed a good cry after all the shit I'd been through in the last 12 hours. Seriously, what had I done to deserve this? Well, I wasn't the best guy, honestly, I wasn't sure if my good karma outweighed my bad karma. But seriously, what had I done to deserve transmigration?! And couldn't I have at least ended up in a man's body?! I could have been an awesome Charlie, been so supportive of Bella, a real dad to guide her through her supernatural struggles and not someone she had to keep in the dark.

When I ran out of tears, I sort of just huddled on my bed, when I distinctly heard a knock on the window.

I looked. And the sight of a vampire on the other side, by all accounts, should have had me screaming my lungs out. But the butterscotch eyes, designer clothing, and the sheer ridiculousness of the female with pixie cut black hair hanging off the side of the house made me laugh instead.

I went to the window and managed to pry it up. "Alice Cullen, I presume," I nodded. "Feel free to come in."

"Thanks, Bellamy!" She grinned. She climbed in and straightened herself out.

"Are you alone or is Jasper watching and listening from the treeline?" I asked.

"Actually, the whole family is out there. I just elected to be spokesperson," Alice informed me.

"Come to pick the brain of the involuntary visitor from another world?" I asked, sitting down on Bella's bed. I wrapped the quilt that probably had been her grandmother's or something around me to counter the chill from the open window.

"I can scarcely imagine what this must be like, waking up in someone else's story," Alice said, her tone filled with perfect sympathy. "But as I'm sure you can understand, we're all very curious about what you know about us and our possible future."

"Hey, if someone told me my life was a book and they'd read the whole thing, I'd want a Q&A with them too," I shrugged. "For the record, Ashley Greene did not do you justice."

"Who's she?" Alice asked, tilting her head.

"Actress who played Alice Cullen in the movies," I shrugged.

"Huh. Our story is so interesting it merited film rights. I don't know whether to be flattered or disturbed," Alice mused. "Anyway, tell me everything!"

"I really wouldn't know where to start. Just ask me what you or your family outside want to know and I'll answer as best I can," I sighed.

"What do you know about us? Our pasts, as individuals?" Alice asked.

"Well, I don't have photographic memory, so I don't remember every word of the books or out of the movies, but I got the basics for all of you. Carlisle Cullen, born 1640 and turned at 23. Attempted suicide until he fed on a deer and discovered vegetarianism. Lived with the Volturi a few decades, moved to the New World possibly before the Revolution, made a bunch of friends with nomads and the established covens of Europe along the way."

I took a breath and launched into the next bit of the dossier. "Edward Anthony Masen Junior, born 1901 in Chicago. His father was a successful lawyer, his mother Elizabeth doted on him. All 3 contracted H1N1 during the epidemic in 1918, both his parents died. Carlisle, on a whim and the dying words of Elizabeth, stole Edward from the hospital and turned him. Passive telepath, can hear the stream of consciousness of everyone for about a mile in every direction, which for the record must be hell on earth even with a vampire brain. Also the fastest vampire any of you have met, and that's with animal blood sapping his strength. Had a period from 1927 to 1931 where he turned vigilante and fed on criminals as a compromise until his conscience bid him return to Carlisle and the animal diet. Bit of a control freak, rampant pessimist and actively negative self-esteem from his disgust of vampirism, though having Bella and then Renesmee in his life redeemed him by the end of the books."

"Renesmee?" Alice interrupted.

I groaned. "Never let the real Bella come up with names. For a boy, she was planning on Edward Jacob Cullen after the two boys she loved. For a girl it ended up being Renesmee Carlie Cullen, a blend of her two moms and two dads. And don't worry, I'll get back to the whole concept of hybrids later, but I was on a roll so I'll get back to describing your family."

I ordered my thoughts. "Esme Anne Platt, born 1895, turned at 26. Met Carlisle when she broke her leg at 16. They probably felt the mating bond and fell in love then and there, but Carlisle resisted due to her age. Ended up marrying an abusive man whose name escapes me, and jumped off a cliff when her baby boy died shortly after being born. They wheeled her body straight to the morgue, but her heart was still beating. Carlisle turned her, and they've been very happy together since. She's an architect, renovating or designing all your homes."

"Rosalie Lillian Hale, born 1915 in Rochester, socialite and professional pretty girl. Got engaged to the son of the guy who owned the bank her father worked at or something, got gang raped by him and his friends when she was 19. Carlisle smelled the blood and turned her to save her, and possibly as an attempt to matchmake her with Edward. Beautiful even by vampire standards, possibly surpassing even Heidi of the Volturi since I'm not sure Heidi is actually the most beautiful thing ever or if her gift just makes people think she is. Cleanest record out of all of you bar Carlisle, she's never tasted human blood. Did get her revenge on her rapists, barely out of the newborn stage if I recall correctly. Saved her fiance for last and wore a wedding dress for the occasion, which I find gratuitous but power to her."

"Emmett McCarty, born 1915 in Tennessee, turned at 20. Railroad worker, lumberjack, game hunter, general Silent Era badass laborer. Rosalie found him getting mauled by a bear and saved him. If I remember right, something about his dimples reminded her of her human friend's baby boy and that was enough to make her want to save him. Carried his bleeding body all the way to Carlisle, he thought she was an angel escorting him to Heaven. Comparable to Felix in that he's the obvious muscle of your coven, a prankster, and in Edward's view at least a high functioning sex addict with how often he wants to have couple time with Rosalie."

Alice chuckled. "Hitting the nail on the head so far. What about me and Jazz? What do you know about us?"

"Jasper Whitlock, born 1844, turned at 19. Lied about his age to get into the Confederate army, was the youngest major in the Texas cavalry even with his fake age. Turned by Maria, leader of a coven in the constant newborn wars of the southern US and Mexico. Apparently covered in scars humans can barely see, which makes him terrifying to vampires who recognize he's a trained killer and survived all those battles. His empathy made him ideal for pacifying and leading the newborns, but it also meant he had to experience the emotions of each of them when he had to put them down when they aged out of being newborns, plus his human kills just to stay fed. Eventually ran away with a friend Peter and his mate Charlotte. Met you in a diner in Philadelphia in 1948. You took his hand, told him he kept you waiting, and you led him to the Cullens. He's never been happier, but he struggles the most out of you with the diet. There's speculation among fans that his gift makes him susceptible to all your thirsts on top of his own and that's why it's harder for him, not just because he was a carnivore so long."

Alice had wide eyes. "We… we never thought of that. If that's true… Jazz, I'm so sorry."

"You can all experiment and work that out later," I sighed. I braced myself. "Alice… I know about you too."

She froze. "What?"

"Your human life comes up in the books. I know who you were," I told her solemnly.

"Tell me," she breathed, looking at me so intensely.

I braced myself. "You were born Mary Alice Brandon in Biloxi in 1901. Turned in 1920. You had visions even as a human. Everytime you tried to warn someone though, it didn't go well. There was some big conspiracy involving your father arranging your mother's murder, but I never really paid attention to that part of the fandom. Your father had you committed to an asylum, and the electroshock therapy gave you amnesia. A vampire worked as a groundskeeper or something and befriended you. You had a vision a nomad named James would hunt you because you were his singer, and your unnamed friend bit you and hid you before going to distract James. He was killed, and James left you to turn and go feral once he found you. Instead, you woke up only remembering your name and with visions of Jasper and your life together with the Cullens." I went into her vampire life. "Able to see the path humans and vampires are on when they're on it, but if someone changes their mind or gets acted on by an outside force, the vision changes. You can't see the Quileute shifters, hybrids, or probably any other species in the world. Retail therapy is your addiction, but since Wall Street is your bitch you can afford it. You're kind of a benevolent puppet master, trying to guide everyone on the path to their happiest future. You and the real Bella were best friends, you were her favorite Cullen after Edward."

Alice went still with thought. "Mary Alice Brandon, Biloxi, 1920… I can work with that. Do you know if I had any family?"

"A little sister, Cynthia. She has surviving relatives in the area, I think," I recalled.

Alice tilted her head again. "Carlisle asks how you know about the Quileute shifters."

"Well, they're kind of a big part of the plot. Their numbers were a huge factor in the Volturi retreating during the trial over Renesmee," I said.

"We thought they died out," Alice explained.

"The shifter gene traces back to Taha Aki," I explained. "The Quileute could already astral project, somehow. His body got stolen by a rival, and Taha Aki ended up sharing a wolf's body. The two merged and created the first 'spirit wolf' as the Quileute call them. The gene is activated by danger, and non-humans like vampires definitely count as dangerous. I don't know the current state of the pack, but by September of this year, there's going to be 3: Sam Uley, Jared Cameron, and Paul Lahote. There's almost 2 dozen by the time of the trial from the concentration of vampires when you all gather allies to make the Volturi stop and listen to your side of the story."

"Emmett asks, and I'm quoting here, what the fuck leads to us almost declaring war on the vamp kings?" Alice relayed.

"It's a long, complicated string of events, the climax of the books. Look, I'll just recap the whole plot and you can ask questions about anything I miss or you don't understand," I sigh. "Tonight, in canon, you all hold a meeting to decide whether to kill Bella after she sees Edward save her and leave a dent in a car with his strength and durability. You share a vision of the two of you laughing together, both vampires, and conclude Bella is destined to join the family as Edward's mate. He, being a self-loathing idiot who thinks vampires are inherently damned, starts avoiding her. This lasts until March, when he ends up saving her from being raped during a trip to Port Angeles. They start… dating is the word I want to use, but it's creepy. She basically loves him right from the start for the sheer fact he's beautiful and not of this world, and he's a creep. He breaks into her room and watches her sleep without her knowledge for fucks sake, and when she finds out she thinks it's sweet and let's him continue as much as he likes."

I was getting on a roll, so I took a breath and continued. "You have a baseball game, and 3 nomads hear the noise. Among them is James, the tracker who hunted you, his mate Victoria, and a hanger-on named Laurent. James makes Bella his target. I'll skip to the end and say he ends up dead, Victoria is in the wind swearing vengeance on Edward, and Laurent skulks off the Denali and gets real friendly with Irina."

"Fast forward to September, you all threw a birthday party for Bella, despite her explicitly stating she didn't want any special attention. But between Edward not respecting her opinion and you wanting to live a vicarious human life, you host this big shebang. Bella gets a paper cut opening a present, Jasper lunges, Edward throws her into a stack of plates trying to protect her and she gets broken glass in her arm. Edward, with the pigheadedness unique to male teenagers, concludes that it's better for Bella if you all abandon her and force her to live a human life. He breaks up with her and you all move to Ithaca."

"Bella, to be blunt, goes into clinical depression without Edward in her life. She's not suicidal, but she's utterly miserable. She has night terrors every night and during the day she's like a zombie. She ends up making friends with Jacob Black in La Push in January of 2006. To be fair, she's heartbroken and Jake is a horny teen with a crush who convinced himself he's in love, but she ends up leading him on. She uses him as an emotional security blanket. Meanwhile, Victoria and Laurent are in the area to get revenge on Bella, making the Quileute pack grow and go on patrols to protect their land from vampires. Jacob phases, cuts Bella off by edict of the alpha Sam, but manages to find a loophole to clue Bella into the fact he's no longer human."

"Bella all but moves to La Push for the protection from the pack, and she and Jacob get closer than ever. One day, like a teenage idiot but she's a bit of an adrenaline junkie, she goes cliff diving. Alice sees her jump in, but doesn't see Jake go swimming to fish her out. She concludes Bella committed suicide, tells Rosalie, and Rosalie tells Edward. Edward, under the belief his reason for existing is gone from the world, runs straight to the Volturi to beg for death."

"Bella and Alice manage to reach Volterra before Edward steps into the sunlight and forces the Volturi's hand. Alice convinces Aro she'll turn Bella herself from a vision, and he lets you go. But then Edward, Alice, AND Bella were on his radar as gifted vampires he wanted in his collection. You all move back to Forks, Bella calls for an official vote and you all rule to turn her after graduation. Edward and Bella get back together like they never stopped, but now Jacob is in the picture. It's all very teen love triangle."

"So, yeah, Victoria decides to make a newborn army in Seattle just to distract the coven and pack so she can get to Bella. When they finally attack, you two work together and manage to win. Victoria and her army die, Bella agrees to marry Edward, and it all looks like it's going to be happily ever after. Then Bella gets pregnant on the honeymoon."

"As I told Carlisle and Edward, she survives long enough to give birth. Though the Quileute pack almost attacks you all to kill her and the baby for the threat they could pose. Jacob breaks off from the pack, accidentally taking two wolves with him, and they warn you and you all manage to keep her alive until little Renesmee gets delivered. Just to be creepy, shifters mate for life on sight of the right woman, it's called 'imprinting'. And Jacob imprints on Renesmee when she's less than half an hour old. It's not lustful, or else Edward would have ripped his head off when he read his mind. But Jacob would castrate himself if Renesmee asked him to, shifters live to make their imprint happy. The imprint ends up leading to a truce with Sam's pack, so I guess it works out in the end."

"And then, yeah, Irina comes to visit, spots Renesmee from a distance and doesn't hear her heartbeat, and reports to the Volturi the Cullens are colluding with werewolves and have made an immortal child. Like in The Merchant of Venice, there's a big confrontation between two sides that ends up being bloodless. You gather enough witnesses to get the Volturi to pause and Aro touch Edward instead of just summarily executing you all. You didn't commit a crime because Renesmee is a hybrid instead of an immortal child, the Quileute shifters aren't Children of the Moon so Caius has no leg to stand on, and Bella's shield is revealed to be able to guard your whole army from most of the Volturi's powers. It almost comes to war, but Alice had the bright idea to go hunting for other hybrids and found Nahuel. He lives in the Amazon with his aunt, and he proved to Aro that hybrids could keep the secret. With no real excuse to attack and genuinely afraid they'd lose, the Volturi retreat and you all live happily ever after. Roll credits."

Alice listened to every word. "Wow. That's all incredible. How popular were the books and movies?"

"I think I read somewhere that the whole franchise grossed over $3 billion worldwide circa 2022," I told her.

"Which brings us to another point. Who are you, exactly? Where are you from? And when?" Alice asked, her honey-gold eyes focusing on me.

"My name escapes me at present, and I couldn't tell you what my real body looks like. But everything else is untampered with in my head. I was born in 1994 and was 28 before I woke up in Bella's body. I was an Army brat, grew up moving around. Between my autism, albeit high functioning, and the lack of roots, I was a major loner. I ended up dropping out of college and working in an Insomnia Cookies in New Haven, Connecticut. I barely broke even on rent and groceries each month, and what money I had leftover went to booze and the prescriptions I abused. I was truly pathetic, a human cockroach wasting space, resources, and precious oxygen. I have no earthly idea what I did to deserve this, either as punishment or reward, assuming it's not completely random." I sighed. "So, yeah, that's me. And now I'm stuck in a teenage girl's body, I live in a world where the supernatural is a thing, and if this body retained Bella's luck I probably won't last a year. She's a danger magnet, the amount of accidents and close calls while she was human was just sad."

"Good thing you have vampire bodyguards, then," Alice grinned. "You just gave us valuable information, Bellamy. And we're some of the only people you recognize in this world. We'll keep you safe until we work out a way for you to go back to your world."

"That's sweet, but I'm going to operate on the assumption this shit is irreversible. Transmigration is barely even a thing, what are the odds we find someone, a gifted vampire or a witch or a fucking member of the Fae Folk, who can send me back? Nope, I am here to stay. So I might as well get comfortable." I snuggled into my quilt.

"Okay, but we'll still do what research we can," Alice assured me. "Carlisle and Rosalie want to know everything about hybrids."

"24 chromosome pairs, even split between vampires' 25 and humans' 23. Accelerated aging, 21 day pregnancy and growing to maturity by 7 before becoming as immortal as a vampire. Somewhere in the middle in terms of strength, speed, durability, and senses of a vampire versus a human. Have a heartbeat, higher base temperature actually than humans, subsist on human food or blood with a preference for blood, and can be gifted. Sleep too, for the record. Best of both worlds, really," I recalled. "At present, there's at least 4 in the world. Nahuel and his 3 half-sisters. Their father, Joham, is a Portuguese vampire who thinks he's breeding a master race. Possibly with plans to depose Aro or something, I don't rightly know or care. Oh, right, male hybrids are venomous but females aren't. Nahuel turned his aunt when she helped his mother deliver him; they live together in the jungle."

"Rosalie wants to know if a human could survive a hybrid pregnancy without being turned," Alice asked.

I sighed. "I suppose it's technically possible, but you'd need a whole room of vampire doctors and nurses. Granted, Renesmee's birth was messy. But the placenta detached, Renesmee broke Bella's spine with a kick, and Edward had to literally tear open the amniotic sac with his teeth because it was reinforced with venom. He had to inject a syringe filled with his venom into Bella's heart and bit her at every major artery, and it was still touch and go, he had to do CPR for, like, 10 minutes. So, yeah, say that a hybrid pregnancy has a 90% chance of killing the mother and vampirism being the only cure. If you, Rosalie, or Esme are even willing to have stepchildren via your mates, you'd need to find a woman who knew the secret, was willing to go through the pregnancy, and would be okay being turned in the event it goes badly."

Alice nodded. "I see."

I had an idea. A crazy idea, but what the hell. "I volunteer after graduation. You all can use me as your oven for all your little hybrid buns."

Alice went still. "Bellamy… are you sure?"

"If I'm stuck with a uterus, I might as well put the thing to use. I don't know how we'll work out the exact mechanics of impregnating me, whether we do IVF or I have threesomes with all of you in some order we decide on. But, yeah, I'd be okay giving birth to the next generation of Cullens," I offered.

"That's… I have no words, Bellamy. You're willing to risk your life to give us the gift of children?" Alice asked.

"You all are good people, you deserve the joy of parenthood. And while my inner man is freaking out at the idea of gestating a literally inhuman parasite, my heart tells me it's the right thing to do. So, once I can vanish off the face of the Earth post-graduation in the event I need to be turned, I'll try as many times as it takes for all of you to have your fill of children. Bellamy Swan, transmigrant surrogate of vegetarian vampires… fuck my life. Really, just fuck it. Long and hard and sideways," I sighed.

"You are a very rare man, Bellamy," Alice breathed. She tilted her head. "Carlisle wants to know if the offer extends to our cousins in Denali as well."

"Double the number of couples I have to bang until a vampire sperm hits my human egg? Sure, why not? I half expect to die during the act of conception anyway, so it might end up a non-issue," I shrugged.

"Double?" Alice asked.

"Well, there's 4 men in your coven, assuming Edward wants to be a single dad. Then there's Eleazar and Carmen, Irina and Laurent can end up together though I truly think she can do better, Kate can end up mating Garrett if they meet and hit it off, and Tanya must have a mate somewhere out there, right?" I counted off.

"And you'd get pregnant for all of us if we asked?" Alice asked in disbelief.

"What else am I going to do?" I shrugged.

Alice surprised me with a hug. "We are brother and sister. This is not a negotiation, it is a notification. You are family, Bellamy, never doubt that."

"Am I going to get the Cullen crest and everything?" I asked jokingly.

"Bracelet or necklace?" she asked in all seriousness.

"I had a charm bracelet, you can commission a charm and get me a chain to use for this life," I decided.

"You'll get it by next Monday," she promised. "Charlie's coming up to do the concussion check. See you tomorrow?"

"At the purgatory we call secondary education, yes," I sighed.

She giggled, then like a ghost she was gone. I got up and shut the window.

Genetically female less than a day and I was already offering to get pregnant for at least 3 couples. Most of whom I hadn't even met. It was official. I was stark raving mad. Well, might as well enjoy Wonderland.