A/N: Seeing the plethora of messages on Facebook and Twitter celebrating the fortieth birthday of Yvonne Strahovski, the amazing actress who played the role of Sarah Walker, made me think about the character's birthdays and how she viewed them. So, I wrote this one-shot to show her thoughts as she approached her fortieth on the same day as the actress. I've not stuck exactly to canon, so I know some of the events didn't happen on her birthday, but the overall flow is consistent. And don't worry, Sarah never left Chuck in this one, so Charah never diminished.

No betas were harmed in the process of writing this one. The mistakes are probably more visible.

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Birthdays

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With the end of July rapidly approaching, Sarah's normal happiness drained away. However, it wasn't what many people felt when approaching the big 4-0.

She wasn't concerned about her health, which had never been a problem to her. Nor was it signs of age creeping up on her; she only focused on her looks for her husband and he still told her she was the most beautiful woman in the world and she could tell that wasn't just him saying it, he really believed it. She knew her looks weren't the only reason he felt that way. This crazy guy actually thought she was beautiful inside as well as on the surface. What's more, he'd made her believe it, a little. Nor was it their sex life. He looked at her with eyes full of love all the time, but often with lust, as did she, which they satisfied whenever they could.

She didn't feel the lack of success in her first forty years, that she'd not achieved her potential; as her husband reminded her, before she'd reached thirty she'd saved thousands of lives, either on her own or with their team. Her real success in those years was finding love and changing her life; in believing she could have the happiness that had for so long eluded her. Chuck Bartowski made that happen.

Although she was rapidly approaching one of her own feared milestones, Sarah's problem all centered around the day itself, July 30.

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When she left her mom, back in those days when she thought her dad was fun, Sarah didn't realize she was also leaving behind birthday celebrations. Her dad never celebrated his or her birthday. A birthday was just another day to swindle or steal. Then, on joining the CIA, birthdays were a thing of your past; more of what you left behind, forgot about even, because it was a link with your true identity. She almost had forgotten about them, thanks to her dad, so this was just more of the same.

The first time she even thought about her birthday was when Chuck Bartowski wanted to know more about his cover girlfriend. He asked for a lot of things, but when he asked about her birthday, she was surprised that she couldn't easily remember the date. It took her a while to dredge through her buried memories to find it. Of course, when he asked, 2007 had progressed so far that they'd gone passed the date, so even if she had wanted to tell him, what was the point, she'd be gone before it came around again.

However, she hadn't left, so the following year on July 30, she was still 'with him' in this weird relationship, where they were together, but not together at the same time. They had physically been together only a few days earlier when they attended Comic-Con in San Diego, but on the actual date, they'd been apart as she was sent for retraining. She knew this was coming, so hadn't mentioned anything. Besides, their relationship was a convoluted mess by then. She didn't want him making a fuss over her; it would confuse her more than she already was.

The year after that, 2009, after his dad had removed the Intersect from Chuck's head, he proceeded to download a new version and had been sent to Prague to be trained to become a spy. He'd agreed to run away with her and she really thought her life was about to start and she'd actually have a birthday, but no, of course that wasn't to be. Chuck, the man she loved and for whom she was giving up everything, rejected her and stayed in Prague for his training. That year's birthday was definitely not one she wanted to remember. She was alone, miserable, betrayed, unwanted. Possibly the worst birthday ever. That day, she really wished she'd left the date buried, forgotten.

However, Chuck had come back into her life and although they had difficulties for the rest of that year, 2010 was the best year of her life to that point. She and Chuck had finally gotten together as a couple. She probably would've had a birthday that year if it hadn't been for Shaw killing Chuck's dad and Chuck and Ellie being in a state of absolute dejection for months. Besides, that was when they started their hunt for Volkoff and Chuck's mom. No one else got hurt that year, but losing Stephen Bartowski was worse than if she'd been shot herself because of how it hurt the man Sarah loved.

The following year, 2011, Sarah didn't expect to even see Chuck as she's gone undercover in Russia, working for Volkoff and alongside Mary Bartowski, who she intended to rescue; it was dragging on and on. Amazingly, that had all been resolved and Sarah found herself back in California. And better still, she was going to marry the love of her life. However, before that, she was poisoned and Chuck ended up having to go to Russia to retrieve the antidote. Inevitably, that had coincided with her birthday!

July 30, 2012 was her thirtieth. A significant birthday, but one still tainted by what had been done to her at the start of that year by Nicolas Quinn. She'd lost all memory of five years of her life. She thought she was twenty-five still, felt she was twenty-five, although all the evidence convinced her that that was not the case. At least, she remembered enough, thanks mainly to Chuck Bartowski, her husband, who worked tirelessly to help her in the days after that kiss on the beach. The kiss hadn't restored her memories, but it had restored her love for him.

Looking back, she realized that she should have spent her birthday that year with the wonderful man who'd stood by her side through thick and thin, but instead, she'd travelled to Chicago to see his sister and undergo a series of tests on her brain, to try to restore the rest of her memories.

Of course, separation wasn't the only bad thing to happen on a significant birthday. She was attacked while in Chicago. It had been one of the last of Quinn's men, his brother, as it turned out. The gunshot had slowed her down enough that he's been able to stab her in the side before she stabbed him in the neck. When Ellie found her bleeding, she was rushed to hospital.

Being separated from the man of her dreams was never good, but worse then. She still worried about him with the Intersect in his head and the people that might come after him for it. Her fears were realized that year. She found out that he'd been attacked on the same day as her. Quinn's brother had sent the final man of the team to take out the Intersect-carrying civilian while she was away. However, Chuck had spotted the danger and had easily been able to defeat the man, who hadn't expected the civilian to be so skilled in martial arts.

After that, her life changed for the better. Her thirty-first birthday was the first she had ever experienced as an adult. She and Chuck had a home in Malibu, a stone's throw from the beach. They had managed to leave all the horrors of their past behind them. Chuck still had the Intersect, but the only leader in the Intelligence community who knew had retired at the end of the previous year. Surprisingly, Diane Beckman came to live in Southern California, so she and Casey, were both invited to Sarah's first birthday party, along with their partners. Chuck had been over the moon when she'd told him the date, although both had reflected on why she had never mentioned it before and why he had avoided asking. Sarah had never felt so loved as she did that evening with all the people she knew just there for her. It was wonderful, but also a bit overwhelming.

The next three birthdays were even better because she had delivered their first child, Neil, a beautiful baby boy, just two months before the first of those. Sarah didn't care one bit that Neil drew people's attention away from birthday girl. He was so special to her and Chuck. She loved all the attention he got from those that came. Of course, they didn't completely ignore her, and she was still showered with presents.

Her thirty-fifth birthday had not gone so well. Although the delivery of their second child, Kathryn, was successful on the day after her birthday, the actual day had been hell. Driving to the hospital and being told she wasn't dilating quickly enough, was bad enough, but finding a hotel to stay rather than going home had been a challenge.

She should have known with it being her birthday, more would go wrong. Stopping to get snacks she wanted to keep going overnight was a mistake. The raid on the convenience store was while Chuck was in the restroom and she was at the checkout. She was unarmed. Hell, she's been about to give birth!

When one of the men pointed the gun at the guy behind the counter, his partner pressed one to Sarah's head, saying the pregnant woman shot unless money was immediately handed over. She immediately imagined the birthday bullet. However, her training kicked in. She elbowed the guy in the gut and the bullet did go off, only just missing grazing her brow before he dropped it. She managed to kick the gun out of the other man's hand, and when the guy behind the counter pulled up a shotgun, both of the assailants ran. Chuck, in the restroom, missed everything!

The following day by three in the morning, she felt ready again and they headed back into the hospital. This time, they kept her in, but she still had to be induced after she felt far too many people had come and seen her in the state she was in. Although Kathryn was worth going through anything, Sarah vowed that, if she had another child, it would be a home birth, away from all the people and threats.

The following two years birthdays were wonderful with their little family joined by friends and their extended family. The second of those, in 2019, was the last before social distancing came into force.

In 2020, Sarah was pregnant again when Covid-19 hit America, along with the rest of the world. She'd already decided for a home birth, but the changes to health of the nation made her more determined. She did not want to spend time in a hospital where anyone could have the illness.

The combination of worry about his family in that troubled time and this whole home birth idea combined to make Chuck a complete mess. He was worried about her being pregnant with Covid-19 being present in California, but the idea of a home birth and all that would entail, along with the distance from the hospital if anything went wrong, just made him worse. So, there was obviously no party that year, but her mom brought Molly over to spend the day with her, Chuck, Neil and Kathryn. Ellie and Devon couldn't get away from work, for obvious reasons, but Ellie wouldn't have wanted to come anyway, in case they carried the virus, so they stayed in Chicago.

Harry was born successfully at home a week after her birthday. She'd thought that the pool birth would have been better if Chuck had been willing to join her, but when he saw all the blood, he'd fainted, so maybe it was good that he wasn't.

By the end of July 2021, Covid-19 worry was still present, and variants were making earlier vaccinations less effective, so only a small group came to the house for 'the party', but it was anything but quiet. Neil, now seven, and his dad focusing on making it as special as they could for her. Kathryn, nearly four-years-old, wanted to help but was discouraged as the celebration was for her too. Sharing a birthday party was special for both of them.

So, it seemed that on the whole, her birthdays had become happy times for Sarah Bartowski. She just had a niggling doubt about ones that occurred on the five-year boundaries, especially when she thought back over them.

xxx

She couldn't remember her fifth, although her mom told her that she fell and badly hurt herself that day.

Her tenth birthday she could now remember. Her dad's con that week had gone horribly wrong and she'd been bundled into an understairs closet with water, biscuits and a bucket. Twenty-six hours of her life in there. She ate nothing, but had to drink, so the bucket was half full of urine by the time her dad let her out, but that was stink enough.

Her fifteenth birthday was spent in the back seat of her dad's car, calling out if she saw any police approaching. It was tense to say the least. She was sure they'd get caught and Dad had told her that if that happened, she would be locked up for a very long time. He probably told her that to encourage her to do what he said, but it worked.

On her twentieth birthday, she was working with Carina, Zondra and Amy. They'd been assigned the task of taking down Augusto Gaez, who was proving very hard to catch. On reflection, it now seemed inevitable that on her birthday, she was hurt. She was caught in the crossfire between the four of them and his men in Bolivia. Of course, she should never have been hit. She was so careful and the other three were better shots than that, but a bullet from behind her nearly killed her. She called it her "birthday bullet." Now she knew that Amy had been a traitor, working for Gaez, she thought it was probably meant to kill her.

Her twenty-fifth birthday was when Bryce abandoned her and she'd been taken prisoner. When they stopped beating her for information about Bryce, they hung from her bound wrists and, after a while, continued to torture her into the night. No bullets hit her, but there was still a lot of pain. Why she hadn't focused on that pain when she thought about Bryce after her memory loss, was beyond her. Quinn had told her that Chuck had killed her ex, even though that wasn't true, but once she had her memories back, she was confused how her lingering memories about Agent Larkin were all the good ones and not that final betrayal.

Her escape came when most of the men left her for their sleep. The one remaining one decided to have some fun with her. Surprisingly, her breasts and groin were still covered by the remnants of her underwear. She had no idea why they hadn't stripped her to add to the humiliation and vulnerability. Her night guard decided to change that. She had her head slumped, but saw him reaching for her groin and reacted. He got his face lose to his destination, with her legs around his head, but he didn't get to enjoin it, as she twisted and broke his neck. She escaped in the darkness of the early hours of July 31, 2007.

On return to the States, she was questioned, then almost immediately assigned to work with Kieran Ryker and then subsequently sent to Burbank to the man who changed her life.

She'd already thought about her thirtieth, in 2012, another "birthday bullet" and the fear that she was going to lose the amazing man she was trying to fully remember, but who she knew she loved beyond any doubt.

the thirty-fifth, in 2017, had been that difficult birth, but thankfully, due to her quick reactions, she received no "birthday bullets" although it had been close.

xxx

This year, she would become forty and she was approaching July 30, 2022 with considerable trepidation.

Chuck, however, was determined for her to enjoy herself. He'd arranged for them all to go away for the week to celebrate her significant birthday in Guatemala. She wasn't sure this was a good idea. It would be the first time they'd flown since the epidemic had started. Back in her CIA days, she probably wouldn't have thought twice about that, but now, with a family, she was much more cautious. It would also be the first time either Kathryn, who would be five this year, or her little brother Harry had flown anywhere. She knew both would be good on the plane, just as Neil had been when he flew when he was two, but for all three of them, a flight lasting nearly five hours could stretch their patience.

However, when they got there, she knew they would all love the locations they'd visit; Sarah and Kathryn both sharing a fascination for pyramids, for instance, so the birthday gift for them worked well. However, Chuck's interest, and possibly Neil's too, would be laser-focused on visiting Tikal National Park which had been used as the Rebel base in Star Wars. Sarah was pretty sure that was the clincher for Chuck.

The problems they could face there would be the usual ones for all visitors, but Sarah instinctively focused on gun crime in the country, particularly as this was going to be that significant birthday for her. She wasn't a superstitious type, but being shot on her birthday was a repeated event. She hoped she was just being paranoid.

Of her thirty-nine years of existence, she assumed the first four birthdays were happy ones. The sixth was when he mom and dad were already arguing all the time, so certainly not a happy time. That meant, even without this five-yearly curse, she'd only had eleven happy birthdays. Pretty depressing number, but seven of those were down to her gorgeous husband and wonderful kids. She couldn't really complain.

But she did worry.

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The flight had been much better than she'd expected. Of course, the arrival time, just before one in the morning, was a bit awkward. Neil had stared out of the window for the first hour of the flight, fascinated with the clouds, when they saw them, and the land below when visible. When the fading light made visibility too poor, his dad gave him his Nintendo Switch and Neil was as happy as ever. When it started to slip from his hands, Chuck quickly took it off his sleeping son. Kathryn, a bit of a bookworm already, spent the journey reading until she fell asleep. Harry had thankful gone to sleep before they took off and slept through most of the journey, only waking to eat near the end. She loved her kids so much and was incredibly proud of them. They were the best behaved of all those on the flight.

She looked across the aisle to her husband, sitting next to their oldest. He gave her that smile of his and she felt it affect her as it always did. She loved his man so very much. It didn't matter where they were her heart soared whenever he unleashed that smile at her. She matched his smile and he zoned out for a second. Her smiles affected him just as much as his did her.

As the plane had stopped, people around them were getting up, all desperate to leave as fast as possible. The Bartowski's let them all go. They would avoid any crowds, collect their hire car and head to their first hotel more peacefully.

They planned to travel the countryside, driving in the SUV Chuck had selected. They should be at Tikal National Park in time for her birthday, but if the weather changed and prevented it, Sarah would be happy seeing other pyramids closer to the capital. She kept quiet about that, though. Missing "Yavin 4", the Rebel base, was not something to suggest to her husband or older son.

It wasn't long before they were settled in the hotel. Neil and Kathryn safely tucked up in their beds in the room they would be sharing and Harry asleep in the cot in Chuck and Sarah's room. The tired couple stayed awake a bit longer, however. They quietly made love. Harry was unlikely to wake, but they didn't want to take the risk.

Their love life hadn't abated; the passion undiminished. Sometimes, if they hadn't had a chance the night before, Chuck came home from work at lunchtime so they could make love. After each birth, Sarah had worked hard to get her body back in shape. Each time, she almost managed to get back to her pre-pregnancy form from 2011, but she knew that Chuck didn't just love her for her beauty and he physically showed it whenever he could. The passion matching what she saw in his eyes. Love beyond her imagination before she met him. She still felt just the same. The only difference to the days before Neil had joined them, was that they no longer slept naked, but she still draped herself over him before drifting off to sleep.

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Chuck and Sarah took turns driving. By the second full day in the country, they'd reached the main destination, ready for the following day in the national park. July 30, 2022 would be spent around "Yavin 4." She grinned at the thought. The view from Temple IV was something Chuck was determined to see, and Neil felt the same. Whether they'd both reach the top was another matter. Even if Chuck was disappointed at not achieving that, Sarah knew this visit would be memorable.

Chuck, of course, had wanted to spend the full day in the park, as had Neil, so they rose early to get there for opening time, 6am. The two of them being up woke the other three, so everyone's day started at pretty much the same time. However, Sarah did not want to rush out. She'd consulted a site map with Chuck to decide where to meet at a more civilized time in the morning. So, she had breakfast with her daughter and the excited toddler, then they explored the town, Flores, briefly, before heading to the park and meeting Chuck and Neil.

The whole Mayan site was so amazing that Sarah forgot her forebodings and just enjoyed herself with her family. It wasn't until the site was closing at five in the afternoon, that she remembered what birthday this was and started scanning for threats, just like Agent Walker used to in the past. Chuck recognized the signs and quickly ushered then back to the hotel.

The two older kids asked their dad what was wrong with their mom as they sat and ate their dinner. Sarah checked everyone in the restaurant throughout the meal. The other guests would not have noticed because she hadn't lost her skills, but her family sensed to difference in her attitude.

Wonderful though the food was, everyone felt relieved to be back in Chuck and Sarah's room. They watched Disney DVDs Chuck had brought with them until the two kids couldn't stay awake anymore and he took them to their bedroom.

Harry, who was a great sleeper for a two-year-old, drifted off too, so his parents expected to him to sleep through until morning.

Unlike the previous night, Sarah was far too tense for sex, so Chuck just held her close. Before midnight, she drifted off to sleep. The last thirty minutes of her birthday were spent in the same way as the first few hours, fast asleep.

Sarah didn't wake until Harry woke a few minutes before five in the morning. She woke and realized she'd survived her fortieth birthday completely unscathed. She was amazed.

Chuck still wanted to go back into the park and had booked for an evening viewing, but there was no great rush. Besides, today was Kathryn's fifth birthday, so they planned a small party for her in the hotel's gardens; the one with all her friends would happen when they returned home.

For now, the whole family sat in the restaurant and enjoyed breakfast.

Sarah felt liberated. She felt that birthdays no longer threatened bullets or any other form of doom, not even the five-yearly ones. After embracing her kids and husband, a far happier Sarah Bartowski declared that the title of a ninety-year-old self-help book by Walter B. Pitkin was a good message. Of course, life didn't begin at forty, but her fortieth birthday had shown her that she no longer needed to fear the passing of time.

Her wonderful husband, had, she felt, broken the curse. She would now look forward to her birthdays. She leaned over and gave him a lingering kiss to the sound of their oldest groaning and their daughter, today's birthday girl, clapping.

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A/N: Happy birthday(s), Sarah. And belated happy birthday, Yvonne.

I enjoyed writing this one and hope you liked it too, but I won't be upset if you don't.