(PoA) CHAPTER NINE: THE PENSIEVE
"Hang on just one second. You want me to what?"
"All you have to do is wait in the room with me," she told Fred. "If something goes wrong, I'll glow you from the Pensieve, and you can warn Professor Dumbledore that something's up." Seeing his expression, she added quickly, "But that won't happen! It's just a precaution."
"And what if your locket doesn't work from inside the Pensieve?" demanded Fred. "How long am I supposed to wait before I start worrying?"
It would have been smart to ask Sirius how long the memories would last, she supposed. But it was too late now. "It's going to be fine. Can't you please just do this for me, Fred? You're the only person who can."
He didn't like it; that much was clear. He knew who these memories came from, and he knew the risks that she was taking in using them in the Pensieve.
But he nodded, followed her to Dumbledore's office, and gave the headmaster a weak smile.
"Mr. Weasley," greeted Dumbledore cheerfully. "I had a feeling it would be you."
He showed Ellie and Fred how to operate the Pensieve, then politely informed them that he'd be stepping over to McGonagall's for about an hour, and could be reached there if anyone needed him.
And just like that, he was gone.
"It's not too late," Fred told Ellie quietly when it was just the two of them. She had already pulled out the vial of Sirius' memories. "You can still change your mind."
But she ignored him, tipping the vial into the Pensieve and staring down at the pale, liquid substance with wide, hungry eyes.
She had to do this.
She had to know the truth.
It was the first day of school at Hogwarts. Ellie recognized the decorations for the feast, and she could tell the small, bright-eyed eleven-year-olds in line were waiting to be Sorted. She glanced around the tables for any sign of Sirius. When she didn't see him, she decided that this must be an early memory of his first year. She scanned the line of first years again.
Grey eyes—check. Dark hair—check. Cocky, handsome look on his face not entirely unlike the one Oliver Wood often wore—check.
Next to Sirius stood another boy with dark, messy hair who was almost the spitting image of Harry: James Potter.
Sirius wasn't saying much, though her certainly looked eager. They were sorted alphabetically, so he didn't have to wait long. As soon as his name was called, he strode confidently over to the hat, took his seat, and waited.
To Ellie's surprise, she could hear the conversation taking place between him and the Hat.
Another Black, said the Hat. Your ancestors have all been in Slytherin, so, naturally—
Wait, interrupted Sirius. Despite his cool, confident exterior, his thoughts seemed anxious. I'm not like them. I hate my family. Don't put me in Slytherin.
Very well, said the Hat. I do not sense the cruelty in you that was in your predecessors. There is anger there, though, and passion, too. You would do well to keep it in check.
Ellie had known that Sirius had been in Gryffindor already, but she hadn't known the story behind it. Like Harry and herself, the Hat's first instinct had been to put him in Slytherin. She felt oddly comforted by that knowledge—and by the knowledge that the Hat hadn't sensed cruelty in him.
And the bit about anger and passion? It had said almost the exact same thing to her.
"GRYFFINDOR!" bellowed the Hat allowed. Everyone at the Gryffindor burst into applause. She tried to scan the line of first years one more time, remembering that Snape would likely have been in this class, too, but the memory shifted before she had the chance to spot him.
She was in the Transfiguration courtyard now. She spotted Sirius on a bench with James, a shorter, squatter man she didn't recognize, and—she gasped out loud—Remus Lupin! He was far less shabby than he was in her time, and while he wasn't as obviously attractive as Sirius, there was a kind and shy sort of handsomeness to him. If she had to guess, the lot of them were roughly the same age as her now—thirteen.
"So, Sirius," said James cheerfully to her father. "Parents still evil?"
"Some things never change," affirmed Sirius grimly. "Including my sweet mother's desperate desire to claw my eyes out for being a Gryffindor."
"You shouldn't talk about it so lightly," said Lupin, frowning. "Your parents aren't the funny kind of bad, Sirius—they're the evil kind of bad."
Ellie was starting to get the impression that Sirius and James were the "cool kids" of the group, sort of like Fred and George, and that Lupin was the moral compass—not unlike herself. She wasn't sure what the fourth boy was—though she had a feeling she knew who he was.
"You know, I noticed that, thanks," Sirius snapped at Lupin. "What would you have me do? Kill them in their sleep? Believe me—I've thought about it."
She knew he was mostly joking, but she felt a pang of pain for him. Serena might not be the bravest or warmest of mothers, but she wasn't evil, nor was Sirius; Ellie couldn't imagine having true Slytherin parents who were actually evil. No wonder Sirius was so moody.
"Come to my place this summer," suggested James. "Mum and Dad won't mind."
Lupin and the boy Ellie had inferred to be Peter Pettigrew both looked up in surprise, seeming envious. Sirius smiled at his friend. "Thanks for offering, James. I'll think about it."
James nodded eagerly, but his attention was diverted by none other than the scrawny, thirteen-year-old version of Severus Snape.
"Hey, Snivellus," James shouted. "You lost?"
Snape ducked his head and tried to ignore James as he headed in the opposite direction.
"Guess what, Snivellus?" shouted Sirius. "I met your little sis yesterday."
Snape froze in his tracks at that. Ellie, too, gave a start; he was talking about her mother.
"Feisty little first year, isn't she?" Sirius asked, rising to his feet and stepping over toward Snape. "Seemed to have kind of a thing for me."
Snape glared up at Sirius, who had a good foot on him. "Serena knows better than to associate with someone like you."
"Oh, she definitely associated with me," said Sirius with a smirk. "You sure do have a pretty little sister, Sniv—what went wrong with you?"
Snape threw his books down at that and tried to attack Snape, but James pulled his wand out and had Snape floating upside down in a split second.
Ellie stared at the scene in confusion as the memory faded into the next. Why had Sirius shared this with her? It wasn't a good look for him at all.
But she didn't have time to linger on it.
Sirius was older now—probably sixteen or seventeen. He was even more attractive, though he carried himself with a bit more weariness than he had before. He was alone now, pacing one of Hogwarts' trophy rooms. He looked… nervous.
When the door behind her opened, Ellie saw her mother entering the trophy room.
This wasn't the Serena that Ellie was used to—not by a long shot. This Serena was almost a mirror image of Ellie, but even more striking. Her thin frame had filled out, her skin had tanned to a smooth, creamy complexion, and her hair was full and healthy. Even her face wasn't as shadowed and gaunt as it was in Ellie's time.
"Serena," Sirius breathed when she closed the door behind her. The love in his eyes was unmistakable. "I wasn't sure you'd come."
"I wasn't sure I'd come, either," Serena told him guardedly.
"I can't stop thinking about you. I don't care about your brother, Serena—I don't care about anyone else. I just want to be with you."
"But I care about him," said Serena firmly. "And I hate your friends, and I hate Gryffindor, and I… just… I hate everything about you, Sirius."
"I know." He kept his grey eyes fixed on hers, refusing to back down. "But I love you."
Her dark eyes softened at that, and she said softly, "I love you, too."
And they kissed.
And again, the scene changed.
"Calm down, Serena!" Sirius was shouting. This couldn't be much later than the last memory, based on his appearance. "You don't know what you're talking about!"
They weren't in the trophy room anymore, but at a picnic table near Hagrid's hut. Ellie vaguely recalled scribbling song lyrics to My Sweet Time on that very table in her second year.
"Tell me I'm wrong!" Serena shouted at him. "Tell me you didn't send him to certain death! Tell me he wouldn't be dead if James hadn't intervened!"
Ellie's heart started to pound as she struggled to keep up. What, exactly, was Serena accusing him of? Why hadn't he shared that memory with her?
"It wasn't like that," Sirius insisted, but his tone had shifted, and the guilt in it was unmistakable. "I was only trying to teach him a lesson. He follows us everywhere—trying to get us in trouble at every opportunity."
"Because he's jealous of you. Not because he's evil. Not every Slytherin is like your parents, Sirius—haven't you figured that out by now?"
"Of course, I have." He reached out a hand to touch her cheek, but she recoiled away from him. "Just give me another chance, Serena. I'll leave him alone—I swear."
"No," she said, shaking her head. "You won't leave him alone—you never do. And even if you did, I'd still be a Slytherin—the thing you hate most in the world."
His grey eyes brimmed over with tears. "But I don't hate you. I could never hate you."
"Nor could you ever truly be with me," she said coldly. "It was wishful thinking from the start."
Sirius and James were lying on their beds in a small room. Ellie had a feeling this was James' home, and that Sirius had taken him up on the offer to stay there. They looked to be about a year older than the last memory—nearly adults.
"Lily and I are fighting again," James said, staring pitifully up at the ceiling.
Ellie knew from Harry's stories that Lily was his mother. She glanced at Sirius, who looked frustrated by James' complaints.
"You're going to end up marrying her, and we all know it," Sirius said, sounding bored. "You'll work things out soon enough."
James sat up, looking annoyed. "You never take our relationship seriously."
"I do; I just don't take your fights seriously. You're two beautiful Gryffindor teenagers; it's practically written in the stars that you're meant to be together."
"Doesn't mean we can't have problems. What's with you?"
"You don't know the first thing about problems. You two have everything going for you. Some people have everything going against them."
Ellie's heart went out to Sirius at that. Clearly, a year after his breakup with her mother, he was still missing her.
"When did you become an expert on these things?" demanded James. "You're the king of hookups, not relationships."
"Sod off," Sirius muttered, looking away from him.
"I mean it. Where's this coming from, Sirius? The only girl I recall you dating is Serena Prince, and we all know that was just to mess with Snivellus."
"It wasn't," Sirius said sharply.
James raised his eyebrows.
"It wasn't," Sirius repeated. "I loved her, okay? I love her. But we can't be together for a million different reasons, and you have no idea what that's like."
James looked shocked. "Wh… why didn't you tell me?"
"What was the point? It never would have worked. We were doomed from the start—she said it herself."
"Maybe. But you still should have told me."
"Well… I'm telling you now."
"Good," said James. He smiled softly as his friend. "Now, tell me the rest."
The next memory was back at the picnic tables, but it was significantly later—at least another year or two. Serena was still dressed like a student, but Sirius was clearly a graduate. She recalled her mother's story about him coming back to recruit new fighters against the Dark Lord and decided that was probably what he was doing there.
"I wasn't sure you'd be here," Serena said as she approached the picnic table.
Sirius smiled softly at her. In his eyes was the same love that had burned for her years ago, just… a bit more tired. "It's our spot, isn't it?"
"No," Serena said, shaking her head. "It was our spot. There's no 'us' anymore."
Her words clearly cut into him like a blade; when he spoke, he sounded wounded. "Then why are you here?"
She tucked her hair behind her cheek, taking a step closer to him. "Because I like to remember."
"Remember?" he repeated, grey eyes still bright with pain. "You could still have it if you hadn't ended it, Serena."
"And you could still have it if you hadn't nearly killed my brother," she countered swiftly. She took his face in her hands at that, and for the first time, Ellie saw residual love in her eyes, too. "It never would have worked, Sirius. I told you."
"I don't care," he whispered back. "I still love you."
And they kissed.
Ellie knew, from the passion of that kiss and from the stories her mother had told her, what came after that kiss: her own conception.
But that wasn't the next memory.
It was pouring rain and freezing cold. It couldn't be the same trip; the weather and the leaves were far too different. In fact, Ellie wasn't sure they were at Hogwarts at all.
"Serena," Sirius was saying desperately. "Talk to me. What's going on?"
Serena was crying hard. Her dark hair streaked around her pale skin, and her jacket clung to her body. She parted her lips to speak, but nothing came out.
"Whatever's happening," Sirius said, looking her straight in the eyes, "I'm here for you. We'll figure it out together."
"Together?" she repeated, shaking her head. "What have we ever been able to do together, Sirius?"
"Things are different now. I'm different now. I've grown up, Serena. I'm not the same—"
"I'm pregnant."
There was a long, stone-cold silence. Then, suddenly, Sirius burst into the widest, happiest smile she'd ever seen.
"That's great, isn't it?" he asked her, taking her hands in his. "We can do this. I'm still with the Order, so there's risks involved, but I've got my father's money—"
"Your father's money?" she interrupted. "What do you mean?"
His eyes darkened ever so slightly, and he looked away from her. "He died a few months ago. Regulus, too."
Serena's hand flew to her lips. "I'm sorry, Sirius," she whispered.
"Don't be." His dark eyes flashed with obvious hatred for his fallen family, but he didn't linger on it. "Should we get married?"
"Married?" she repeated, dropping his hands like they were made of lava. "I'm still a sixth year! I can't raise a child, let alone have a husband!"
Her words seemed to cut into him the same way they had in the last memory. When he spoke again, his voice was dark. "Then let me do it."
"Let you do what? Raise our child? On your own?"
"I wouldn't be on my own. I have the Order; I have James and Lily."
She nodded weakly, seeming to hear the words he didn't say the loudest: I just don't have you.
In the next memory, Serena was holding a baby.
Ellie tried to force back the bizarre sensation that she felt in staring down at her own self as an infant, glancing instead at the door of the small house that Serena was knocking on.
When it opened, Sirius' eyes lit up as brightly as they had the moment Serena told him she was pregnant, and he took baby Ellie in his arms instantly.
She loved watching him hold her. The love in his eyes—the obvious care and protectiveness for the creature in his arms—was an expression she'd missed out on growing up.
"Do you have a preference?" Sirius asked Serena, glancing back up at her. "For her name?"
"If you could," said Serena nodding. "I'd like to call her Eleanor—after my grandmother."
Ellie knew from experience how much Serena's grandmother had meant to her. With an abusive stepfather and a weak, fearful mother, Serena's only source of inspiration had come from her grandmother.
Sirius seemed to know the story, too. "Eleanor it is," he said softly. "She'll hate it—but we can call her Ellie."
Serena stared at Sirius and baby Ellie for several seconds, tears welling up in her eyes yet again. When she finally spoke, her voice broke. "I'm sorry, Sirius. I'm disappointing myself as much as I'm disappointing you."
He smiled sadly at the woman he loved. "I don't think that's possible."
And with that, he took his daughter away from her.
And Ellie was thrusted back into the real world.
Extra long chapter for you here - hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Tragic love story between these two, don't you think? The next chapter is called "The Boggart and the Pit," and it'll include some original POA content along with some of my newer twists on things. Please remember to leave a review if you're enjoying the story, and thanks for reading!
