Nausicaa struggled to sleep that night. Her mind was racing at a million miles an hour, and despite all the walking she did, adrenaline was still running high. Anytime she closes her eyes, the faces of those she killed flash through her mind like a slideshow. Their last moments at her hands. She can't imagine the loathing from their families back home.
So when morning comes and Verity doesn't assign her to the morning hunt team, she doesn't put up a fight due to her exhaustion. She's relieved Rhea stays back with her, although she could do without Virgil, she can't complain too much.
"How are you?" Rhea takes a seat next to her inside the shaded cornucopia.
"Hot. Stiff." Nausicaa responds. Rhea nods.
"No, how are you?" She asks again, quieter, so Virgil can't hear. Nausicaa shakes her head.
"Fine, I guess. I don't know. I don't want to talk about it." Nausicaa spills before she can change her mind. Fortunately, Rhea gets it. And Rhea stops pressing.
The morning drags on, and after the sun fully rises, Nausicaa regrets staying back. She's started getting antsy, pacing, she can't sit still. Especially after the cannon fires.
"It's a Career kill. You know that." Rhea reassures her over and over again. Nausicaa knows she's right. But why can't she accept it? Why is this so hard for her?
Shortly after midday, the trio returns, and just as Rhea had insisted, the kill was theirs.
"No more hunting for today. The weather is horrid." Verity says when Nausicaa asks when she can go out.
"It's not going to get any cooler as the days go on." She tries to tell him.
"No, but it'll cool down at night. We can hunt then. Or we can rest. We can't use all our steam now" Verity's tone tells her the conversation is over.
As night falls, the anthem only displays the one kill, the boy from Eight. Carissa made sure to brag about her kill multiple times.
Once the sun fully sets and the air starts to chill, Nausicaa contemplates fighting to go hunting. She'd even be fine going with Rhea, or even Santiago. But she decides not to push it again. Instead, she sits on the edge, right past the pedestals that brought them into this arena in the first place. She looks out into the arena, the once visible structures obfuscated by the darkness. She wonders where the rest of the tributes are hiding. Based on her brief exploration, there's limited coverage, and even more limited food and water sources. As far as she can tell, the only water source is the lake besides them. And no one has been there other than the Careers.
Santiago takes a seat next to her. He leans back.
"That boy almost got the jump on Carissa. Earlier today." Nausicaa's visible confusion makes Santiago laugh.
"What?" She says, half because she wasn't listening, half because she wasn't sure she even heard him right.
"Yeah. He snuck up behind us. I guess he thought he could take us out stealthily, or whatever. Almost got her." The darkness hides Santiago's face so well Nausicaa can't gauge if he's being honest.
"I wish he had." She says instinctively, but quietly.
"Well, he didn't." Santiago says, not quite agreeing with Nausicaa, but not quite disagreeing. Nausicaa doesn't know what his plays are anymore. Hell, she barely knows her own.
"Just, keep an eye on her. She really doesn't like you." Santiago stands up and brushes the sand off of his pants. Nausicaa doesn't respond, because she knows there's no need. It's not like Carissa has hidden her feelings for her young allies. Nausicaa is tired of hiding her own.
The next morning comes, and like Verity promised, Nausicaa was sent hunting with Santiago and Carissa. Verity asked them to explore the north west region of the arena. Apparently, there were no signs of life at the ruins they explored yesterday, reinforcing Santiago's previous sentiments about the boy Carissa killed. And there were some signs of vegetation, somehow.
"Be back before midday. And watch your back." Verity says to no one in particular, but of course, Carissa takes it personally. She's the first one off, and Santiago and Nausicaa have to jog to catch up to her. Nausicaa shoots Santiago a look, but he just shakes his head.
Pick your battles. Nausicaa reminds herself. The trio travels in silence until they reach the ruins Nausicaa was at on the first day. Carissa continues to lead the way, as the duo from Four watch their backs.
Nausicaa is surprised when they reach vegetation. Although "vegetation" might be generous, it appears to be just a large amount of cacti. Nausicaa seriously doubts anyone is hiding in this flat wasteland. She states that.
"I didn't ask." Carissa shoots back, walking deeper into the cacti field. Nausicaa clenches her sword tighter, her patience running thin.
But Santiago shakes his head at her, and she decides to try to be the bigger person. It's not Nausicaa's reputation that will be hurt when the Capitol watches this.
So she catches her tongue and pretends to search for other tributes in the open field. Santiago stays closer to her, also "searching" for others. Carissa, on the other hand, puts as much distance as she can between herself and the young girl.
A glint catches Nausicaa's eye. She stares into the field of cactus, and it doesn't take her long to realize they're moving, almost as if they're breathing. There's a strange glow coming from the middle of the plant, and Nausicaa might be crazy, but is there fluid flowing around?
Santiago clears his throat and Nausicaa shoots him a glance.
"Why is she a bitch?" Nausicaa states.
"The angrier you get, the more it enables her." He explains, trying to stay calm.
"I don't care." Nausicaa doesn't reciprocate his approach. She also doesn't mean to snap at him, but irritation gets the better of her. She shoots Santiago an apologetic look, but he's unbothered.
The searching lasts longer than Nausicaa would like. Hours seem to pass and her tongue dries out in her own mouth. She tries to pace herself with her water, but it's hard, too hard for the girl who grew up surrounded by an ocean.
Just when she can't take another minute, Santiago suggests they return. Carissa doesn't argue.
Nausicaa truly believes they'll return without incident when Carissa opens her mouth.
"Thank you for your help." Nausicaa hears from behind her, sarcasm dripping from Carissa's mouth. Nausicaa sees Santiago out of the corner of her eye shaking his head. She listened earlier. Now she struggles to find the will to do it again.
"I'm sorry I didn't crawl around on my hands and knees, searching every grain of sand for displacement." The words spill out uncontrollably.
"I'm sorry, who's in charge here? Talk to me like that again and see what happens." Carissa takes a step closer, closing the gap between them further.
"Then why are you acting like a child? Look, I'm sorry we didn't find anyone. It's not like they're going anywhere." The lack of kills bothers Nausicaa more than she'd care to admit, but Carissa bothers her more.
"Don't make me enjoy killing you." Carissa takes another step, and Nausicaa decides that's close enough.
She shoves Carissa back, not hard, just enough to get her off her back. But Nausicaa either pushed harder than she thought or Carissa's footing was unsteady, because the girl stumbles and falls back directly on a cactus.
Carissa doesn't hesitate to pull herself out of the thorns and collapses to her knees. Her screams fill the dead air and in an instant, Santiago is kneeling beside her.
"Just breathe. You're okay." Santiago takes a look at his ally's back, bloodied and decorated with thorns.
Nausicaa crosses her arms, her pride more valuable than whatever relationship she can salvage from this.
But Carissa's grunts of pain get louder and the concern on Santiago's face grows. Nausicaa shifts to better see the damage, and what she sees makes her nauseous. Every thorn Santiago pulls out a green liquid drips out with it.
Carissa starts rubbing her throat.
"I can't breathe." She says over and over again, clawing at her skin. Time slows down as her back puffs up and her throat swells.
"Santiago, help her." Nausicaa yells, paralyzed. He doesn't. What would he do? He doesn't know what's happening anymore than she does.
The cannon fires as Carissa collapses on her stomach.
The vomit comes. Nausicaa turns and the little food and fluid she's had today comes back out. Her heart races, her breaths are short.
"What did I do?"
Santiago takes her in his arms as she starts to break down.
"She touched them herself, okay? None of us knew they were poised, okay?" He has to repeat himself before she understands what he's saying.
Of course. Anything else wouldn't help either of them gain favor with her allies.
"Okay. She says one she steadies her breath. But she lets Cantiago comfort her as the hovercraft comes and takes her body away. She can't believe it. One minute, she was here and the next, gone at Nausicaa's hands.
"Let's head back." Santiago suggests. Nausicaa doesn't disagree.
The walk back is silent and uneventful, and the Careers accept Santiago's story without asking any questions.
"She should've known better." Virgil says. And that's the only thing that said about the matter.
Rhea is the only one to notice Nausicaa's distressed state, but as she does, she simply comforts her friend in silence. An unlikely pair, the two of them.
That night, Carissa joins the faces in her nightmares. The faces that seemingly grow with every passing day.
The next day is quiet, with Nausicaa and Santiago staying back to guard the supplies while the other three hunt. She hopes the day off will rest her psyche, allowing her to focus on the upcoming days ahead.
It doesn't.
Nausicaa realizes how useless her training has been. There's only so much weapon skills a person can learn. How do you learn to be okay with death?
To prepare for lives to be lost at your own hands.
Maybe I did need more time. Maybe sixteen, seventeen, would've made her better mentally prepared. She understands why so many victors return with a little bit of their minds gone.
The trio returns right before sundown without a single kill. Morales are low.