Life throws a curve ball.

It was as Tim was stuffing his clothes and personal items into several bags that he reflected on the events of the last few days. If truth be told things had been building up for a couple of weeks but hindsight is all well and good when you look back and see the signs. So obvious now he thought back.

It really just began with Gavin being quiet. Never one to be overly loud or extrovert, Gavin had seemed to withdraw into himself and it had not gone unnoticed by Tim. Whenever questioned about the deepening silence and subduedness Tim's concerns were always brushed off with a shrug and forced smile, words of, 'I'm ok,' 'Just tired' or 'You know, a day of Brittas,' but as time went on Tim was more and more unconvinced. An unsettling feeling began to creep its way into his mind but he said nothing, as nothing yet could be proved. Being quiet was hardly a crime and everyone was allowed to be tired and fed up at some point. But it wasn't just that, for days later in bed Tim had cuddled up to Gavin who'd happily embraced him, both enjoying the closeness but as they passionately kissed, Tim's hands gently roamed and found the top of Gavin's boxers. Suddenly, Gavin became tense and pulled away mumbling something about not 'feeling up to it, had felt off all day, needed a good nights sleep' and that was the moment that Tim knew something was wrong. How clear it was to see that now he thought, shoving clothes into a bag.

As the tears streamed down his face, his breath shaky, he bitterly regretted not having it out with Gavin there and then especially as Gavin had risen early the next morning and left for work without Tim knowing. That was last Tuesday. His thoughts drifted to that day.

He remembered entering the leisure centre in search of his boyfriend, angry at waking up alone and still feeling hurt at being rejected the night before when he had seen Carole looking at him intently.

'Sorry, what?' he said probably a little too abrupt.

'Are you ok Tim? I just said, good morning, how can I help you,'

'Have you seen Gavin?' he demanded, desperately trying to master control over his emotions. Looking somewhat affronted, Carole replied,

'Er, no. Sorry. I think he could be with Mr Brittas, there's a meeting going on and Mr Brittas said he doesn't want to be disturbed.' She smiled apologetically.

'I bet his doesn't,' grimaced Tim, striding off into the restroom. Carole watched as the door banged open and then banged shut. She knew better than to get involved in one of their squabbles as Tim's high emotions didn't always prove welcoming to the soothing words of others.

At breaktime, Patrick entered the restroom yawning, as Tim made a coffee.

'Have you seen Gavin?' Tim blurted out, before any pleasantries were thought of.

'Well, good morning to you to sir!' smiled Patrick, but seeing Tim's face now etched in emotion, Patrick realised that his flippancy had come at the wrong time.

'Is everything alright? You don't look well.' Tim burst into tears and Patrick put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

'Gavin?' he asked, knowing full well it was. Tim nodded his head.

'The last I heard was that he was in with Brittas, some big meeting I think. It must be important as I heard something about a working lunch. Lucky Gavin eh?' he gave a small smile. The last he saw of Tim was as the door swung shut to the gents. Walking back into the reception area on his way to the hall, Patrick caught the eye of Carole and mouthed the word 'Gavin.' Carole nodded, mouthing back, 'I know.'

It was not until 2.20pm that Tim, quite by chance, bumped into Gavin in the rest room. Eyes red raw and stinging, his head bowed down Tim had entered and was in Gavin's shoulder before he knew who it was. Pushing himself away, muttering sorry …

'Tim,' Gavin trying to smile then saw his boyfriend's face, 'You look awful.'

But before Tim could respond, Gavin continued, 'I know I left early this morning without you, I did leave a note, didn't you see it? It's just I had such a lot to do before this meeting with Brittas and …'

'It's fine,' Tim mumbled and made his way out to the door. 'I have to go.'

'Timmy … wait …' Clearly everything was not fine but Tim had gone. The reason being, what could he say? Yes he was angry but Gavin had left a note. Where? Why hadn't he seen it? Maybe Gavin did have a lot to do, maybe he was overreacting but … there was still this gnawing feeling that something wasn't right and the restroom was not to place to discuss it. He'd wait until they got home (and look for that note).

As his shift was nearing its end, Tim's thoughts were interrupted by …

'Ahhh, Timothy,' said that ever so familiar voice. 'Gavin has asked me to tell you that he's gone.'

'Gone?' shouted Tim, more than he wanted too really. 'What do you mean gone?'

'Gone, you know, left. Had to go somewhere apparently and he told me tell you he'd see you at the flat. OK?' Then, without pausing for breath, Brittas turned sideways and continued, 'Ahh, Carole, could you put the health & safety file in my office including the policy and I'd like to see everyone's job descriptions on my desk as soon as possible. Ok?' then he was gone. Standing there alone in reception, as Carole had busied herself somewhere else, Tim grabbed his bag and left - for now he was really angry!

When he got home, Tim looked for the note, which he found on the floor on Gavin's side. He then proceeded to look through all the pockets of Gavin's clothes. Something was definitely going on, he knew it and Gavin didn't have the guts to tell him. Blind with tears and with shaking hands he rummaged through drawers, wardrobes, the desk, the biscuit tin, anywhere where he thought Gavin might hide something. Nothing. He looked at the clock 6.31pm. He didn't know when Gavin would come home but he was dammed if he was going to be making any diner for them both. Pouring himself a drink, Tim heard the door shut and bracing himself for whatever was coming he turned to see a neatly wrapped box in front of him. It had a bow on and everything. Momentarily stunned, Gavin took the opportunity to push it into Tim's hands saying,

'For you. To say sorry for being … well … quiet and distant and late,' and knowing Tim's predisposition continued, 'It's not you, it's … it's … well, I got you this because I love you.'

'Do you?' whispered Tim, face wet with tears.

'Yes,' replied Gavin, softly, 'I do. Open it.'

Carefully and slowly Tim unwrapped the box as Gavin watched on nervously. He discovered that his boyfriend had bought him a beautiful set of chef's knives.

'It's the ones you wanted, the ones you said you liked when we went looking around Browns.'

'Yes,' whispered Tim.

'Are they ok? Did I get the right ones?'

Tim looked at him not knowing what to say. Gavin embraced him as his lover sobbed in his arms.

'You left,' he wept into his shoulder, ' …. I was so angry … felt that something wasn't …' he trailed off. Gavin gripped him tightly, full of emotion himself.

'It's not you,' kissing the side of Tim's head…. cheek …. lips. The night was spent with a takeaway and a bottle of wine as they lay on the bed embracing each other, but that was as far as Gavin would go. And so the gnawing feeling of something wasn't right stayed with Tim.

That had been last week and although Gavin's denials that anything was wrong tried to sooth Tim's fears. Today had been the limit.

For weeks now they had had no intimate contact with each other, not for Tim's want of trying and as the week progressed from last Tuesday's events Gavin appeared quieter than was normal. He had avoided Tim and made excuses about busy or having to be somewhere to be whenever they had had a moment together. Tim also noticed he was late home every night, looking tired and pale, and when Tim went to hug him, Gavin almost pulled away. Whatever Tim cooked for dinner Gavin wasn't hungry and as soon as he could he went to bed early. Now, Tim hadn't gone to public school but it didn't take a genius to work out that something had gone wrong in their relationship. Maybe Gavin had become bored with him, found someone else and was trying to tell him, in subtle ways, that it was time to part. Well, there was nothing subtle about the day he just spent at work.

Gavin, once again, had gone in early, before Tim was awake (seemingly a regular thing now), the kitchen showed that no breakfast had been eaten so Tim had got himself ready and left. At the centre Gavin was nowhere to be found and Tim didn't bother asking, he knew what the score was now. If the person you have lived with 10 years doesn't care to be in your company anymore and avoids you at every turn, then it's clear what has to happen.

Throughout the day it was business as usual. Linda had seemed very bright and chirpy. She had always got on well on Gavin. Carole was her usual flustered self and Mrs Brittas was wandering around doing whatever. Colin tried to engage him on conversation regards the new wildlife garden he was planting at the back of the centre, rattling on about the benefits of local honey and did Tim have any recipes or such like which included his home grown herbs and local honey. Tim just mumbled something and went off to speak with Patrick, who he had been looking for. He was walking towards the squash courts, racket in hand, Tim intended to ask him if he could stay with him for a week or two.

By sheer coincidence, as Tim made his way to Patrick he happened to see down the corridor Carole pass something to Gavin, a letter or note and say that Anna had called for him and he was to call her when he could. Of all the people to betray him it was Carole, Tim thought. She was supposed to be his friend, a confidant.

With his head full of emotions, Tim's long day at work had finally ended. It was time to act. Shutting the flat door behind him, Tim slid down the back of the door and sobbed and sobbed. His grief and anger tearing him apart. Anna! If it wasn't Jenny or Penny then it was Anna! How many more had there been? He should have known, what with the dirty magazines and the women doing little jobs for him like sewing his name on his cap .. he, Tim, was obviously just a dalliance, a stop gap. Well, no more, he may be young and prone to outbursts of emotions but he was no fool!

He knew Gavin wouldn't be home, he hadn't come home until after 7pm every night for a week so he knew he was safe for a good couple of hours at least. Dragging himself up the stairs heartbroken Tim began to pack, his plan to be gone before Gavin arrived home. Time just melted away as he grabbed what he could, his mind full of the life they had had together and now clearly was over.

Maybe that was why he hadn't heard Gavin come home and call out. With his head pounding with blood, he hadn't heard his boyfriend coming upstairs and so turning around was startled for a moment when he saw Gavin in the doorway.

'What's going on?' Gavin asked, confusion all over his face. 'Tim?'

'What does it look like?' he angrily replied. 'I'm leaving!'

'No! Why? What's happened?'

'You're not seriously asking me that question are you?' retorted Tim continuing to throw his clothes into a bag. One bag was already by the door, packed and waiting. Gavin looked genuinely stunned, worn out and tired but stunned.

'I don'….'

'I'm making it easy for you Gavin,' snapped Tim, 'I can't stay here when you obviously can't bear me near you or touching you or kissing you. I know you're avoiding me, I know there's someone else …'

'No!' taking a few steps into the bedroom.

'… so from now on you can come home at a normal time and you won't have to pretend to be working late … or early for that matter!'

Zipping his bag up Tim turned as he prepared to leave the room.

'Goodbye and …..' unable to hold the tears back, ' …. take care.'

What happened next made Tim stop in shock for a moment. Gavin gave the most heart wrenching cry and slid down the wall sobbing loudly, his body shaking uncontrollably. Tim had never seen such a reaction from his boyfriend in all their ten years. Gavin was always so reserved, so in control of his feelings, so calm and level that this display of emotion took Tim such surprise he didn't move for a moment.

'Don't leave me!' wailed Gavin, crouched at the bottom of the wall. 'Please!' In utter confusion Tim failed to form any words. Seeing Gavin so distraught left him dumbfounded.

'Here …. read …' gasped Gavin, thrusting a letter he had been holding towards Tim. Tim took it as Gavin continued to sob. He unfolded the crumpled white letter and through his own tears read what he could see.

'Scan …. lump …. benign … doctors …' stuttered Tim, 'What? I don't understand.' Gavin, eyes sunken, gaunt looking, replied.

'I … I … found a lump last month and …. and ..' he trailed off.

'What?' gasped Tim. 'Where? What do you mean a lump? Is it ….is it ….?'

'No, it's not cancer but that's why I've been quiet and distant.'

'Why didn't you tell me?' anger creeping back into Tim's voice, 'Why the secrecy all the time?'

Gavin's eyes filled with tears again, 'I needed to get my head around the fact that I might have cancer and I didn't want you worrying …. and I thought was it fair that you should have to look after someone with cancer and watch them … you know…?' Gavin put his head down sobbing. 'That's why I didn't want … you know …'

'Is that why you didn't want sex? Is that why you wouldn't let me near you? Is the lump …. you know … there?'

Gavin nodded his head, burying his face in his hands.

Stunned, Tim couldn't think straight. Anger at being treated like a leper faded into nothing compared to the thought of Gavin dying. He looked down at his crumpled, distraught boyfriend.

'Please don't leave Timmy. I don't think I could live without you. You're my whole world. I love you,' cried Gavin.

Tim sat down beside him, put his arm around him and drew Gavin near, holding him tightly. Gavin relieved at having contact with Tim just sobbed into him and Tim wept too.

'But … Anna … I heard Carole ..' said Tim after a while, needing answers.

'She is our old family doctor. Dr Anna Metcalf, I went to her when I found ..' Gavin trailed off.

'But … all those meetings and late nights …' Tim said eventually.

'Well I had to tell Brittas because I needed time for the appointments and scans and possible treatment so the meetings were to sort out cover for my job, rewriting the health & safety policy, doing a risk assessment for my return, reviewing my job description and such. I'm going to be taking a few weeks off and ….. there was a lot to organise in order that two staff were covered.'

'Two staff?'

'Yes,' Gavin lifted his head and looking Tim straight in the eye. 'I'm going to need some looking after and recuperation after all this as the doctor wants to remove the lump just as a precautionary measure….. and … I was hoping that you would be the person to look after me.' A moments pause then Gavin took a deep breath and said, 'I've told Brittas about us.'

'What?!'

'Well, I thought if I was going to die, I wanted him to know the truth.' Another pause. 'Surprisingly, he was ok about it. Honesty is one of his virtues as I pointed out and I think the implications of getting rid of two staff for no good reason was enough for him to concede that although he didn't like the fact or agree with our relationship he could live with it. So, will you?'

Tim still in a state of shock replied, 'Will I what?'

'Look after me for a few weeks?' Gavin smiled nervously. 'Brittas is giving us both a month off. Sick leave for me and compassionate leave for you.'

Looking into those two beautiful blue eyes and that gentle face with its nervous, yet vulnerable, smile, Tim pulled Gavin closer and kissed him deeply. Gavin in turn gripped Tim hard, very hard, pulling him as close as possible. When they eventually pulled away Gavin asked,

'So, you're not going to leave?' Worry all over his face.

'To lose you would be more than I could bear,' he said running a finger gently down Gavin's cheek and wiping away his tears. 'But I would have gone to let you be free and happy.'

'I don't deserve you,' whispered Gavin.

'You should've told me. I'm angry over that.'

'I know,' replied Gavin, 'I just didn't want you to feel saddled with an ill man, I thought that you could maybe find someone …. who was … well … '

Tim put his fingers on Gavin's lips and standing up led Gavin to the bed, where they both lay down.

'You've always been the one to look after us … look after me … and now it's my turn. I'm going to look after you. You're going to get well and we're going to have a wonderful future ahead of us.'

'I love you so much,' sobbed Gavin.

'I love you too,' wept Tim.

With their arms tightly around each other, they kissed deeply. Their love deepening and becoming stronger with the news and reality that they had nearly lost one another. No words now needed, just the comfort of two bodies entwined together as one. Mouths sealed and hands lovingly caressing, Tim stopped at Gavin's waist, suddenly moving his hands away, conscious of his partner's diagnosis and his reluctance of the past few weeks to be intimate.

'It's ok,' smiled Gavin, 'I'm ok. I want to. Please.' Taking Tim's hand and placing it on his belt.

And with that, bodies entwined, skin on skin, they expressed their love in a way they hadn't been able to in weeks.