That got Santana's attention.
"You're kidding me!" Santana scoffed, pulling over to the side of the road as she flipped off her aviator sunglasses and turned to stare at Brittany, scoffing in disbelief as she processed this information. "A husband?!"
Part of her felt a little dejected because... of course a girl as stunning as Brittany S. Pierce would only ever be unattainable. Sure, she had been flirting with Santana before but girls like Brittany would never be available. Maybe for a fling but not for a long term relationship.
She sighed. Of course with Santana's bad, terrible luck, any gorgeous girl who sashayed her way would always be unattainable, whether straight or not.
"Yeah you know, like, a husband. Someone who would wear a fancy suit and wait in the chapel for me when I walk down the aisle without running away... and buy me a fancy engagement ring. Does no one do that wedding stuff here anymore?"
Santana rolled her eyes but nearly choked at Brittany's next words.
"Or I could have a wife instead who would do all those exact same things but you said all the girls here just want gold and they're shallow, so maybe I'll just focus on the guys instead.."
Santana struggled to remember the last wedding she had been to. Everyone seemed to be getting divorced quickly. Her own parents had been separated since she was a very young child. Divorces were common but marriages were rare.
"Aren't you straight?" Santana arched an eyebrow skeptically.
"Bisexual, actually," Brittany corrected, in a hushed voice, like it was a big secret. Then seeing the way Santana was looking at her in surprise she added. "That's not against the law here, is it?"
"Sure, everyone says they're bisexual now." Santana scoffed.
"Everyone's bisexual here?!" Brittany gasped. "That's the coolest thing ever. They must have so many dating options!"
"No, that's not really what I meant," Santana explained, sighing. "I mean it's really common for girls to be bisexual or bicurious. Or just experimenting. It's not really a big deal here. Not anymore."
"Of course, if I did get a wife she couldn't really be my wife officially but we could pretend," Brittany mused, lost in her thoughts. "It would basically be the same anyway. I think Mom would be just as happy."
"What do you mean?" Santana asked in confusion. "Two women can get married in this state. It's legal now."
"Really?!" Brittana exclaimed excitedly. She was so loud that Santana nearly jumped out of her own seat, startled at the sound of her voice. "Oh my God! Radical! that makes this whole thing so much easier!"
"Yeah it is legal now... maybe it still isn't in... wherever you're from."
"So rad! I can't wait to meet my future groom or bride." Brittany stated with complete confidence.
"Look Brittany... What I don't understand is why do you even need to get married. I can get you someone to hook up with for a night or two in two weeks time but marriage... that's gonna be a lot more difficult."
"My whole family is all expecting me to get married. It's the right thing to do and I'm the only one who hasn't yet," Brittany sighed. "I really want to but every guy or girl I've met back home doesn't take things seriously. They just want to party."
"You're only what… thirty? That's still young. I'm thirty-five and I still have time."
"Huh? I'm thirty but my cousins got married when they were eighteen and my parents did as well."
"Why would you need to get married in just a few weeks? That's a big step. Who are you gonna find that would marry you in such a short space of time who isn't a complete weirdo?"
Then a thought occurred to her.
"Wait a minute, are you trying to get a green card?"
Brittany shook her head. "I know it might seem odd to you because things are so different here but I used to make my Barbies get married all the time. I can't wait until that day happens, I always knew deep down the love of my life would just walk right up to me like a knight in shining armor one day and save me."
This set Santana off, making her think about all of her own failed relationships from the past and how much energy she wasted believing the next girl would be better than the last only to always be disappointed.
There was Taylor, a blonde cheerleader she had dated in high school who was too ashamed to date her publicly and dumped her to date a guy as soon as high school was over. Then there was her college girlfriend, Saoirse, a redhead from Ireland who hadn't been able to put up with Santana's anger issues any longer so had broken up with her in tears. Santana thought she might marry Saoirse one day but it just hadn't worked out.
Then there was Shannon, Santana's latest ex girlfriend who had always increasingly bitched at Santana for everything as the years went by. She was the worst of all.
She had been planning to propose to Shannon, despite hating how argumentative their relationship had become, then she had found the tanned bleach blonde in bed with a male prostitute called Brody and they had a screaming match that ended with the high-maintenance woman throwing Santana's possessions out into the front yard.
Not to mention the string of girls who'd wanted to get between the sheets with Santana but had no interest in anything more. Her friend Quinn's parents had divorced around the same time Santana's had.
Santana was sick of thinking about marriage and she was sick of romance after getting her hopes up so many times.
"No one is getting married anymore, Brittany," Santana rolled her eyes again. "You're looking at this through rose-coloured lenses. Marriage is just a farce then the next thing you know your spouse will be divorcing you and taking all your money and you'll be having plastic surgery to feel young again. No one can get fairytale married to the person they fall in love with at first sight then get a big house with a white picket fence and two point five kids anymore. It's not that simple. The world is harsh and cruel. It's not the 80s anymore."
She knew she sounded cynical but it was better to break it down to Brittany soon before she ended up having her heart broken. A girl as gentle as Brittany just wasn't cut out for these modern times.
"But if you play your cards right, I can get you a boyfriend maybe," Santana smirked, feeling relieved when Brittany's expression brightened as much as she hated what she was saying. "Or even a fling. I'm kind of a big deal around here and I do have my connections, so I can pull some strings for you."
"Oh you'd do that for me Santana? You'd help me find a husband? Tubular! You're so sweet, thank you!"
Tubular? Damn, this girl sure had some weird expressions.
Santana wondered what she had got herself into. Brittany managed to wrap her arms around her neck quickly and give her a big hug before she could reject her. Santana didn't do the touchy feely stuff but Brittany's hug was actually well…nice just like the hug she had given her that morning. Santana closed her eyes, relishing the contact. She didn't understand how Brittany could be so hopeful and cheerful about everything. Or how she was so affectionate with a complete stranger, despite how cold Santana constantly was toward her.
How could she just trust Santana so easily? Santana never trusted anyone.
She tried to keep the frown off of her face and ignore the revolted feeling she had about setting Brittany up with some random guy. There was just something that wasn't right about it but she couldn't figure out what.
Maybe she was just scared of the bubbly blonde getting taken advantage of?
Santana shrugged off her thoughts, trying to ignore her unease as she took in Brittany's bright smile and girlish enthusiasm at the thought of finding a date.
She probably just needed to get laid. Being around a stunning girl all the time and not being able to date her was probably messing with Santana's head - that was it. That had to be it.