"Home, sweet… home," Regina hummed as she parked the car in front of their house.
"Finally!" Henry exclaimed as he unbuckled his seatbelt and leapt from the car.
Regina chuckled softly to herself as she too unbuckled her seatbelt. Henry had been talking nonstop since she had picked him up at the school. He'd had a great school trip, and Regina was happy for him. But she was just as happy to have him home. Although her and Emma hadn't been bored while he was gone (no, definitely not!) it was good to have her oldest son home again. No matter how busy she was while he was away, there was always a lingering absence when Henry wasn't home.
Regina headed inside the house. She slipped off her shoes and coat and listened to what was going on in the living room. Henry greeted his Ma. Emma told him how much she had missed him and then something about Henry squeezing her to death. The next second, Henry exclaimed that Emma should put him down, and Emma teased 'nope, never'.
It was all good and well. Or at least it was until Regina spotted the muddy footprints in the hallway. She followed the footprints and quickly found the source in the kitchen. Henry's shoes. Regina gnashed her teeth and gave her beloved son a warning: "Henry Mills...you better get...those muddy shoes off in the...house. Or I will...call off pizza night."
"Woops." Henry looked quite guilty as he glanced down at his shoes.
"Oh, kid." Emma shook her head as she too looked at Henry's muddy shoes.
"I was so excited to see you."
The sweet statement had Regina softening. It wasn't just an apology for being slobby. She could tell that he genuinely only had been thinking about reuniting with his Ma as soon as possible. And she couldn't give him a hard time for that. "Shoes off...now," she said, voice much gentler than before.
"Yes, mom." Henry turned around and went towards the hallway.
"No!" Regina groaned upon seeing the new sets of muddy footprints on the floor. "Henry, please...take off your shoes...before going...into the hallway."
"Oh," Henry said sheepishly. "Right. Sorry, mom!"
He clearly left his common sense in the forest. Regina let out a deep sigh as Henry took off his shoes and carefully turned them upside down to avoid getting more mud on the floor as he trotted into the hallway.
"God, I've missed that kid!" Emma said with a little snicker.
"Me...too," Regina smiled. "It's nice...to have him home...again." muddy footprints or not.
"It is," Emma nodded. "The house been so quiet without him."
"Gaahhh," Neal babbled from his bouncer
"I don't think...he agrees...with you, my love," Regina teased and chuckled when Neal threw his chew toy on the floor.
Emma sighed and rolled her eyes as she picked up the chew toy for something Regina suspected was the millionth time while she had been away. "I think that might be his new favorite thing to do." She wagged a finger at the baby. "Now, don't throw this on the floor again, little dude."
"Uuuuh- fafafa!" Neal cooed adorably and happily swung the chew toy in the air.
"Henry had...a phase like that...too," Regina recalled, chuckling at Neal's babbling.
"And how long did it last?"
"A...couple of weeks."
"Seriously?" Emma moaned and feigned a severe back injury. "Man, I'll end up with an eighty year olds back before that phase ends."
Regina doubted that. But the joke nonetheless had her chuckling again.
That was when Henry came back to the kitchen. Now on sock clad feet, he went straight to Neal in the bouncer and kissed his forehead. "Hi, baby brother," he said to Neal. "I missed you so much!"
Oh, Henry. Regina's heart melted at the way Henry fawned over his younger brother.
"Have you guys missed me while I was gone?" Henry asked with a hint of teasing in his voice as he looked at them.
"Absolutely," Regina said immediately.
"So much," Emma added.
"Ga-ga-ga-ga!" Neal agreed Henry started laughing.
"Worshipping Lady Gaga now, are you, kid?" Emma touched Neal's cheek fondly and seemed to laugh at her own joke.
Regina didn't. She rolled her eyes instead. Because she found Emma's joke to be absolutely horrible.
"What time will aunt Z be here?" Henry asked excitedly. "I wanna tell her all about the school trip!"
"Your aunt will...be here at five...thirty," Regina informed her son. She had expected this question any moment.
"With the pizzas," Emma said dreamily and smiled her usual 'pizza-smile'. Henry was the one who had dubbed it that, and the name was pretty spot on. Emma did have a particular smile when talking about pizza.
"Awesome," Henry grinned from ear to ear.
"And ideal because...you have time to take...a shower before...she gets here." Regina effectively cut through their pizza dreams.
"Moo-ooom!" Henry groaned.
"You smell...of smoke from...the campfire, and there's...mud behind your ears," Regina dismissed. "If you...hurry, you can...make it before...Zelena gets here." End of discussion. Henry needed a shower and that was final.
"Your moms' got a point, kid," Emma backed her up and Regina silently thanked the higher powers that Emma always was in her corner when it came to raising their boys. Emma never did that annoying 'if your mom says you have to, you better do it'-thing like some partners did. No, Emma always actively showed that she agreed with her.
"You're ganging up on me," Henry complained. But he nevertheless turned around and disappeared up the stairs. Regina heard him going up the stairs.
"Aw, man, did you see how tired he was?" Emma chuckled.
"Yes, it was...pretty hard to miss...how many times...he blinked," Regina agreed and shook her head a bit. "Perhaps...we should...have planned pizza night...a little...better."
"Maybe, but too late to cancel it now, babe. Too late to make us eat salad instead of pizza."
"I'd...never do...that," Regina said firmly. "I know how much you love pizza." Oh. Pride immediately filled her upon realizing her achievement. "Ooh!"
"Yep, that was a full sentence with absolutely no pauses," Emma smiled widely and wrapped her arms around her in a tight hug. "I'm so proud of you!"
"I don't know...where that came... from." Whatever she intended to say next died on her lips when Emma suddenly lifted her and spun her around. She let out a squeal she later would not own up to. "Put me...down!"
"Never," Emma said. But after a second she sat Regina on her feet, nonetheless. Her gaze drifted to the kitchen counter, and you didn't exactly have to be a psychic to know what Emma was thinking about...
"Miss Swan," she chided. "I can...hear you...think."
"You can't," Emma dismissed. "I know you're one hell of a sharp professor, but no one, not even you are capable of hearing someone think."
"Don't...call me...professor...right now," Regina warned.
"Don't call me 'Miss Swan'."
Regina chuckled at that. "Touché...my love."
"Naaaah," Neal happily babbled from his bouncer.
Regina chuckled once more as she quickly headed over to him. She freed him from his bouncer and cuddled him into her chest. "What was that...little elephant? Did you...say something?" she bopped his nose, making him squeal. And then trying to grab her hair.
"Yes, yes... I know. I need...a trim," Regina hummed. "No need...to remind...me."
Neal happily wiggled in her arms. Regina (with Emma right behind her, of course) walked into the living room and sat him down on his baby blanket. Neal did a little squirm and managed to wiggle onto his belly. He liked doing that. As he liked flapping his arms above his head and blowing raspberries.
While Emma sat down on the living room floor next to their happy son, Regina chose the couch. She reached for her knit work and reading glasses. Perched the glasses on her nose and lifted the knitwork. She frowned as she silently counted the stiches. Zelena's baby blanket was finally done, and all she needed to do, was closing it off without making any errors. But she reckoned that that wouldn't be too difficult.
"Have I ever told you how nice you look in those glasses?"
"Frequently." Regina chuckled slightly and didn't look up from the knitwork.
Emma snickered softly. "I know you don't like your glasses, but I love them."
"I like...yours better." Regina adjusted the glasses slightly. Began to silently count the stitches once more. She had to concentrate on that. Not thinking about how nice Emma looked in her glasses.
"Zelena is gonna love that blanket. Are you gonna make one for Neal too?"
"Possibly. I made...one for Henry too."
"You did?" Emma asked. "I didn't even know that."
"Good to know...I can still...surprise you," Regina said happily and squinted behind the glasses.
"Oh yeah."
Regina frowned behind the glasses. Blinked. Was there something on the lenses, or what? Should she clean them? Or maybe the lenses had become scratched. Maybe she needed new glasses. Or maybe she just needed to see an optician so she could get her vision tested. She had a sneaking suspicion that her vision was getting worse. It was probably an age thing. She would be thirty seven next time. No matter how hard she tried not to think about it.
"Ouch!"
Almost immediately alarmed, Regina looked up from her knitwork. "What...happened?"
"Nothing," Emma assured, grimacing slightly. "The kid just brought me back to reality in the roughest way possible."
"Oh." She might have chuckled a bit at that.
"Not funny, Mills." Emma clearly tried to grumble, but she wasn't doing a very good job.
Regina disagreed. She found it to be quite funny.
"I think it's better if I find your chew toy, kid." Emma stood from the floor and headed into the kitchen. It didn't take long before she re-emerged with Neal's chew toy. She handed it to Neal, and he immediately stuck it inside his mouth.
"There we go," Emma said softly. "That help those itchy gums, doesn't it?"
"It…does," Regina confirmed even though the question hadn't been directed at her. Neal had been terribly restless last night.
"I had no idea that teething could be so painful for them," Emma murmured.
"We just have….. to make….. sure to always…. have a cold… spoon nearby," Regina soothed her partner. Emma had been quite worried about Neal last night when he was crying.
"Yeah, that really seemed to soothe him. Good call, Mills."
"Old…trick," Regina said and shrugged lightly.
Emma chuckled and grabbed her laptop so she could work a bit.
Regina at last finished the baby blanket for Zelena….
Henry came into the living room, now freshly laundered and proud of himself. But a bit impatient when Regina told him that Zelena (and the pizzas) wasn't here yet, but…
"Your aunt...will be right here...with the pizzas," she did his best to assure.
"Sounds good," Emma joined the conversation, and it was impossible to not hear the way her stomach rumbled. I'm hungry!"
"You two...are impossible." Regina shook her head. "Bottomless...pits, you are."
"And we're proud of it," Emma grinned cheekily. "Aren't we, kid?"
"Yup!" Henry said. The grin he wore matched Emma's to perfection.
Regina rolled her eyes and sighed deeply, determined to do the whole 'scolding mom'-thing. But the next second, her façade broke when her own stomach betrayed her and started rumbling. And naturally, her girlfriend and son started laughing at her.
"Busted," Emma smirked and looked far too satisfied.
"Who's not hungry when it's pizza?" Henry scoffed.
"Fair point, kid."
"I'm making...salad tomorrow," she lowly warned and ignored the way Emma and Henry seemed to exchange a look.
Neal had no qualms about sharing his opinion, though. He gurgled.
"So, kid," Emma said briskly, turning her attention to Henry. "Tell me about the school trip."
"Well, Nick's and mines tent almost got flooded!"
"Flooded?" that little nugget of information immediately had Regina looking up from her knitwork.
"Yup, we woke up in the middle of the night, and there was water all over," Henry clarified and for some reason seemed perfectly happy with it.
Regina was not. "Henry, you did not...tell us that...when we spoke on...the phone."
"Because I knew you'd freak out."
Excuse me? She shot her son a rare warning look.
"Because I knew you wouldn't like it," Henry corrected. "That's why I didn't tell you."
Regina was not happy about it. She expected Henry to tell her these things.
"So, what happened then?" Emma asked their son. "Please tell me you didn't sleep in a leaking tent all week!"
If that had been a thing, Regina was going to have 'words' with Henry's teacher. That was for sure.
"We didn't. We told the teacher, and switched tent with him."
"Poor guy!"
Henry snickered a bit.. "He got a new tent the next morning, Ma. Don't worry."
"Thank god for that," Emma said. "And what else happened?"
"Well, I almost fell down from a tree," Henry said nonchalantly.
What?! Regina cupped her forehead and groaned. "Henry!" clearly, there was a few details her darling son had failed to mention!
"I said 'almost', mom," Henry said smartly. "I didn't actually fall."
"And you didn't...mention this on the...phone either," Regina said dryly and narrowed her eyes slightly.
"Because I didn't want to worry you," Henry shrugged. "Nothing happened, mom."
And thank the higher powers for that. Regina scowled and clicked her tongue. "Couldn't you...tell us about...the good thing that happened as well? I'm not...really in the mood...to have a heart attack." Seriously. One more 'near miss' story, and she would be calling his teacher to complain about the safety.
"Okay, okay," Henry laughed. "It was really fun. Me and Nick were chosen to make the bonfire on the last night, and we roasted marshmallows and told scary stories."
"Scary stories?" Regina echoed. She wasn't sure she'd had the stomach to tell scary stories around a bonfire, but each to their own.
"Yeah! It was so much fun!"
"Sounds like you've had a great time, kid," Emma smiled.
"Yeah," Henry said and grinned. "But it's also nice to be home again."
"It's nice...to have you...home again, sweetie," Regina said warmly. "The house... has been so...empty without you. Isn't that right...Emma?"
"Totally," Emma nodded. "The first morning I was on my way into your room to wake you, but you weren't there. Whoops."
Henry laughed and looked like he was about to say something.
The sound was however drowned in a rumbling sound. Once again, Regina's stomach was complaining.
"Who was that?" Henry asked.
"Not me." Emma turned her head and looked at her. Grinned. "Babe?"
"Mom?" Henry tilted his head.
"It was...Neal," Regina innocently claimed and made a point of looking at the baby blanket.
"Bulls-"
"Swear jar!" Henry exclaimed before Emma could finish the sentence.
"Shark," Emma's saving this time was definitely one of her more creative ones. "Bullshark. I don't think Neal's little belly is capable of making those sounds."
"Are you...saying that my...belly... isn't little?" Regina lightly teased.
"It was totally your belly that just rumbled!" Emma accused.
"I am neither... confirming nor...denying that," she drawled and was saved by Henry who chose this exact moment to burst out laughing.
"B-bullshark," he stuttered out and pointed at Emma. "That word is so stupid!"
"Heyyyy," Emma said and clearly tried her best to scowl. "Bullshark is a great word!"
"It's stupid," Henry laughed.
"Ba-ba-ba-ba!" Neal squealed from the floor and flailed his little arms in the air.
"Oooooh." Emma's green eyes suddenly lit up in that particular way they always did when she had some sort of idea. "We should totally buy him a shark outfit!"
"Yes!" Henry loudly agreed with her. "Then he could be our little baby shark!" "Baby shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo," Emma sang and earned herself another squeal from Neal. "Baby shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo!"
Regina watched them silently. And just a tad overbearingly too. But she could easily imagine Neal in a shark outfit. That boy had so many outfits they might have to buy him a new dresser.
Knock-knock-knock!
"Yoo-hoo! I come bearing pizza!"
Henry grinned broadly as he picked up Neal. All three of them went into the kitchen. Henry sat Neal down in his bouncer.
"Want me to set the table, beautiful?" Emma asked.
"Yes, that would be… lovely," Regina replied and felt slightly embarrassed that none of them had thought of doing that until now.
While Emma took care of that, Regina and Henry headed into the hallway. Henry eagerly ripped the door open, and there stood Zelena. With her arms full of pizza boxes. Henry grinned from ear to ear upon seeing that.
"Sister, dear!" Zelena gushed. "And there's my darling nephew! As fine as a fiddle after the school trip, I see!"
Barely, Regina thought to herself. She was still not too satisfied with Henry's almost fall and nearly flooded tent.
"Hi, aunt Z!" Henry said excitedly. "I missed you!"
"I have missed you too, Hen. Would you mind giving me a hug?"
Henry laughed as he immediately hugged Zelena as much as he could given the fact that Zelena's belly had grown quite a bit.
Zelena kissed his cheek and then turned her attention to Regina. "And there is my little sister." She gave Regina a hug and a kiss on the cheek too. Whispered lowly: "My little sister whom I have barely seen all week, but I'm guessing you've been too busy doing other things…"
"Shut.. up," Regina hissed. She could read between the lines.
"Been here for five seconds and you're already telling me to shut up," Zelena complained. "The nerve."
"Give me.. those," Regina snatched the three pizza boxes out of Zelena's arms and ignored her remark.
They headed into the kitchen where Emma had finished setting the table. She turned her head and smiled when she saw Zelena. Then her gaze drifted to the pizza boxes in Regina's arms. "Mmm! That smells amazing!"
"It does, and I'm absolutely famished," Zelena announced with a slight huff and rubbed her ever-growing belly. "And so is baby girl."
"Or baby boy," Henry interjected and sweetly helped Regina opening the pizza boxes and setting them on the kitchen table.
"No, no, no, definitely baby girl. I have a hunch," Zelena said stubbornly. "There will be no baby boys. But speaking of baby boys, where's my youngest nephew?"
"Right here," Emma smiled as she pointed lightly behind them.
Zelena immediately went over to Neal. "Oh, my goodness, look at you! Aren't you just the sweetest little elephant!"
"Aaaarh," Neal said and grimaced at Zelena.
"I've missed him this week," Zelena continued and tickled Neal's chubby little cheek. "And my other wayward nephew of course." She gave Henry's hair a fond ruffle.
"I am not wayward!" Henry whined.
"And I've missed my sister too for that matter." Zelena did not pay attention to Henry's protest. "It's been a week, and I've heard from her four times. Four."
"I've...been busy with...work," Regina said smoothly and lied through her teeth. "And...with Neal. Babies tend to...take up a lot of...your time, dear sister."
Ha. Neal had taken up perhaps eighty percent of her time. Work was something she easily had glided over in the past week. She had been far too busy doing… other things.
Zelena seemed to huff something under her breath, but Regina paid no mind to that. "Henry, come and...help me with... cutting the pizza in slices."
"Sure thing, mom." Henry quite willingly came over to her. Regina equipped him with the least scary knife she had and admonished him to be careful while slicing the pizza.
"I'll be careful," Henry promised.
"That's my… boy," she praised.
"What can I do?" Zelena questioned.
"You...can sit down," Regina half-chuckled and wagged a finger at her sister. "You're...pregnant, dear. Standing too...long is not...good for you, dear."
Before Zelena could answer, a sound cut through their little pizza moment. Regina immediately identified the sound as her phone ringing. She had left it in the living room earlier.
"Oh," she said slightly annoyed and stilled mid-slice. "Emma, darling...could you...answer that, please?"
"Already on it." Emma went into the living room and the next second Regina heard her say: "Regina Mills' phone, this is Emma speaking."
Regina laughed at that. Emma sounded so formal. Which probably was the intention.
She continued slicing the pizza. Henry was a great help in the kitchen.
"Can't I have a bigger piece?" he asked as she made another slice.
"Henry, there is… plenty of pizza for everyone," Regina answered. "No…reason to worry."
"But I'm really hungry!" he protested.
"Me, too," Zelena chirped from the chair she was sitting on. "Can I have a bigger slice?"
Whilst Henry laughed, Regina closed her eyes. What was she supposed to do with this lot?
"Babe, there's a...there's a phone call for you."
Regina turned her head and looked over her shoulder. Emma was standing in the doorway. "Okay? Can't it...wait? I'm in the... middle of serving...pizza."
"It's... It's from Millhaven," Emma said and felt how her voice broke.
"Oh." The pizza wheel slipped from her hands. "I...see."
Millhaven. Killian. Now what? She hadn't heard from anyone at Millhaven since Killian was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole. She had been told that the sentence was permanent. So exactly what did this mean? Was he getting out?
No. Impossible.
Regina wouldn't even consider that possibility.
But what then?
Had he escaped?
Was that even possible?
There's only one way to find out. She quickly gathered her wits. "I better...go and...answer it then. Excuse...me," she said calmly and walked into the living room where she found the phone waiting for her on the coffee table. Her hand was completely still as she picked it up. "This is...Regina Mills...speaking."
"Good evening, miss Mills, this is Gabriel Ardoin from Millhaven Prison. I am sorry to bother you like this, but I have something important to tell you. Are you alright with speaking over the phone?"
"Yes," Regina said. "There may...be some pauses, but yes...I am able...to speak over the...phone."
"Excellent. And would you be alright with speaking French instead?"
"Certainly. De quoi…. s'agit-il, monsieur… Ardoin?" she hadn't spoken French in ages, but she did not have any problem with it.
"C'est à propos de votre ex-fiancé. M. Jones a été retrouvé mort dans sa cellule. "
Regina's ears started ringing strangely and she was having some trouble processing what Mr. Ardoin had just said. "Mort?" she echoed.
"Oui, mademoiselle Mills," Gabriel Ardoin confirmed in the other end.
"Et... Comment cela... s'est-il passé?" she managed. She probably wasn't dreaming this. It had to be true. And her first thought was that Killian Jones, spineless coward had managed to take his own life in prison. Yes. Her first and immediate thought was that the bastard had chosen the easy way out.
"Nous croyons que c'est le travail d'autres détenus. M. Jones a été retrouvé dans sa cellule, étranglé à mort avec une ceinture autour du cou."
The breath hitched in Regina's throat. Killian had been found dead in his cell. Strangled to death with a belt around his neck by the other inmates.
"Je suis désolé, mademoiselle Mills. Je n'aurais pas dû le dire comme ça. C'était insensible de ma part compte tenu de ce qui t'est arrivé."
"Ne t'en…. fais pas." She brushed Mr. Ardoin's apology aside and asked: "pourquoi?"
"Pardon?"
"Pourquoi... quelqu'un l'a-t-il tué?" she clarified. She was well aware that murders in prison sometimes happened, but she needed to know why someone had chosen to murder Killian Jones.
"Il est difficile de dire la raison exacte, mademoiselle Mills. On peut supposer que quelqu'un n'a pas aimé qu'il soit un ex-flic. Mais il peut aussi s'agir de quelque chose de complètement différent. M. Jones n'était pas... Eh bien, il n'était pas très populaire ici."
That Killian hadn't been a popular man in prison was something Regina willingly believed. But this was not enough answer for her. "A-t-il... A-t-il déjà parlé de... la raison pour laquelle il... était en prison?" did he ever talk about why he was in prison? She couldn't stop thinking about the way Killian had been murdered.
"Oui."
"Et est-ce... Est-il possible que... sa mort soit liée... à cela?" it wasn't that farfetched, was it? Given the way that Killian had been murdered, she didn't feel that it was completely mad to think that it was related to his crimes.
"Nous ne savons pas. C'est bien sûr possible, mais pour le moment, nous supposons qu'une dispute entre M. Jones et quelqu'un d'autre s'est intensifiée. Il peut être difficile de savoir ce qui s'est passé," Mr. Ardoin said slowly."La caméra de sécurité de la cellule de M. Jones a été désactivée et personne n'a vu ni entendu "rien".
It'll never be solved, Regina realized. With the security disabled in Killian's cell, and everyone covering for each other, it would be impossible to figure out the identity of Killian's murderer.
And she would have to live with it.
That Killian Jones had died before she could…
Before she could…
"Miss Mills?" Gabriel Ardoin said in accented English. "Miss Mills, are you still there?"
"Yes," Regina said quickly. "Yes. Thank you for….telling me."
"You are welcome, miss Mills. Would you like for us to contact Mr. Jones' parents?"
"Yes," Regina said quickly. She hadn't spoken to Killian's parents since before the attack, and she preferred it to stay that way. "He also…. Have a younger….brother who is…. In prison….in….Montreal."
"We will make sure to contact him as well. Goodbye, miss Mills."
"Goodbye," Regina said. She registered the little 'click' in the other end that meant that Mr. Ardoin had hung up, but she couldn't put the phone down.
Killian Jones was dead.
Gone.
Forever.
One of her biggest fears had been that he somehow, someday would come for her, and now he couldn't.
Because he was dead.
She should have been full of relief, but…
She wasn't.
No matter how hard she searched, she couldn't conjure any sense of relief.
The only thing she felt…
Was anger.
But she couldn't do this right now.
Emma was waiting for her.
Henry.
Zelena.
Regina pulled herself together and put the phone down. Went back to the kitchen where her girlfriend, son and sister all three were waiting nervously.
Emma was the first to speak up. "Are you okay?" she asked quickly.
"What's going on?" Zelena's jaw was tight. "If I find out that he's-"
"Is he getting out?" Henry looked at her with big, scared eyes. "He's not! Is he, mom?!"
"He can't," Zelena hissed through gritted teeth. "He was sentenced to life in prison. Without the possibility of parole! And if someone suddenly thinks that's too hard a punishment, I'll personally drive down there and give them a piece of my-"
Regina had had enough. "Zelena, calm...down," she said and held up her hand to silence her sister.
Zelena immediately went quiet, and Regina slowly lowered her hands and looked at her frightened son. "Henry, honey...come here."
Henry came over to her, and Regina crouched down, so they were at eye level. "Listen...to me," she put her hands on her son's shoulders and noted how tight they felt. "He is...not getting out. In fact, he's not...going anywhere. He's...dead."
"D-dead?" Henry whispered. His shoulders uncurled.
"Yes." She stood up straight and hugged her son. "He...won't be...bothering us...ever again."
"Thank god!" Zelena murmured.
Henry hugged her right back. "Really?"
"How did he-"
"Zelena." Regina gave her sister a warning look. This was hardly something to discuss while Henry was present.
"It doesn't matter," Zelena said quickly. "I'm just relieved he's gone!"
Me too. That was what she should say. Me too or so am I. But she felt no relief. No reason to be happy. She felt robbed. Cheated. Something had been taken from her. A chapter had been closed too abruptly, and she was not okay with it.
But she couldn't tell anyone that. So she kissed her son's forehead. "I'll just... go upstairs and wash...my hands before...dinner. I'll be...right back. Just start...eating. Otherwise...the pizza will...get cold." She flashed Henry a smile she hoped was convincing and then turned around and headed upstairs.
She did not wash her hands upstairs.
Instead she went into the bedroom and opened the third drawer in her bedside table. There, underneath all the blank papers and work related stuff, she found the envelope. Addressed to Killian Jones at Millhaven Prison.
Regina hadn't even been sure what to do with the letter, really.
It was her therapist who had encouraged her to write it when Regina admitted that she still was looking for answers. That there where things she still did not understand.
And all the things she did not understand had been written in the letter inside the envelope.
She hadn't written much.
Only one single question.
One single word.
Why.
Now she never would get any answers.
Not that she would had she ever send this letter.
But now the door was definitely closed.
Regina grabbed the envelope and walked into the bathroom. Locked the door behind her. Switched on the water. With the water running, no one could hear her tear the envelope into tiny little pieces. Rip-rip-rip. Exactly like she had torn up her wedding dress.
The tiny pieces of the letter and envelope landed in her cupped hand.
Regina threw the little pieces into the toilet and flushed them out.
If only it was that easy.
Why couldn't she just be relieved? Why couldn't she think of this as the perfect way to move forward?
The only thing she could think about was a door that had been slammed in her face just as she tentatively had been reaching for the doorknob.
And it made her angry.
She switched off the water and sat down leaned against the wall. Tipped her head back and closed her eyes. It wasn't the first time Killian Jones had made her hide in a bathroom.
Even in death, he still had this kind of power over her.
And Regina hated it.
She had been screwed over by Killian Jones so many times.
She had been screwed over when he approached her in that bar that night.
She had been screwed over by his charm and handsome appearance.
She had been screwed over by his ability to pretend to be a wolf in sheep's clothing.
She had been screwed over when he proposed to her, and she thought that it was her happy ending.
She had been screwed over the first time he raised his hand and slapped her in the face.
She had been screwed over all the times he had hit her.
All the times he had cried and apologized and begged her not to leave.
She had been screwed over when he promised her to change.
And when he didn't.
She had been screwed over when he threatened Henry.
She had been screwed over that horrible night when he raped her.
When he wrapped the belt around her neck and tried to kill her.
And she had been screwed over now when he was dead before she could get the chance to look him in the eyes and ask him why.
And she was sick of being screwed over by Killian Jones.
"Damnit," she hissed under her breath. "Damnit, damnit, damnit!" She smacked a fist against the bathroom floor. It hurt. The pain radiated in her hand.
She wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her forehead against her knees.
Her abuser was dead.
And she had no idea where it left her.
No idea how to feel and what to think.
Everything felt so….
Unfinished….
Somehow, Killian Jones had managed to get the last word.
She would never get the chance to look him in the eyes and ask him things.
There would never be any real closure.
And that hurt so much more than the pain still radiating in her hand.
Regina let out a long, deep sigh and slowly lifted her head. She couldn't do this right now. Couldn't get lost in this…. Anger, she didn't even know where came from.
She hadn't expected herself to react so strongly to this.
But then again, she hadn't expected Killian Jones to get murdered.
He was supposed to rot in prison until he was old and grey.
Not this.
It wasn't fair that someone had decided to erase him from this earth.
Not when the things he had done still lingered.
His death didn't solve anything.
The skin on her neck where the mark from the belt buckle had been itched.
Regina scratched it. And scratched. And scratched…..
"Do you want some more pizza?" Emma asked softly.
Regina blinked and scolded herself for having gotten lost in thoughts again. She had been terrible during dinner, she knew that. Barely aware. And she certainly wasn't hungry. "No...thank you." She mustered a smile but wasn't sure how convincing it was.
"Are you sure?" Henry scrunched up his nose. "You've only had one piece."
Right. She had to do better than this. Otherwise Henry would just think that something was wrong. She took another slice of pizza. And she actually tried to engage in the conversation happening around her.
"Oh!" Zelena said suddenly.
Regina immediately turned her attention to her. "Everything...okay?"
"Yes." Zelena rubbed her belly. "I think baby girl loves pizza. She's kicking good."
"She's a...happy little one...already." she actually managed to smile.
"Definitely," Zelena looked happy and rubbed her belly again.
Regina chuckled. Automatically squeezed back when Emma squeezed her hand. She even took a tiny bite of the pizza slice. But she could just as well have been eating the carpet. She had completely lost her appetite…
She escaped after dinner. While the rest of her family went into the living room to relax, Regina said that she would be changing Neal's diaper and put him down for the night. Emma had offered to do it, but Regina smiled and assured that she did not mind.
Which was completely true. She did not. But it wasn't what this was about. It was about her needing some time to herself.
"There we…. Go," she said as she gently put Neal into his crib. "You sleep…well, my little man."
"Gao-gao-gao," Neal babbled and blinked up at her.
Regina tenderly tucked him in and sat down in the old rocking chair while waiting for Neal to drift off. Her thoughts immediately drifted to what she had learned today. That Killian was dead and that the possibility for any kind of closure was gone for good. She sighed deeply. What was she supposed to do with all these conflicted feelings?
Most people would feel happy.
Relieved.
Free.
Regina felt neither. She felt betrayed. But how was she supposed to tell her family that in a way they could understand? She was well aware that her feelings didn't make any sense.
She shouldn't harbor any need to write or see the man who nearly killed her that night.
When Neal was asleep, Regina went back downstairs. She heard muffled conversation from the living room, and she poked her head inside.
"Henry, would you… like some hot….cocoa?" she offered with a smile. Just one more minute to myself. Then I'll be alright.
"Yeah, sure!" Henry said immediately. "Thanks, mom."
She flashed him another smile. "And would….anyone else like….a cup of cocoa?"
"That sounds great, hun," Zelena said.
"Sure," said Emma, and Regina had a feeling that she had looked right through her. All evening, she had been glancing at Regina.
Regina avoided her girlfriend's observant eyes and escaped into the kitchen where she found a casserole and milk and cocoa powder. Whilst making the cocoa, she heard Emma and Zelena and Henry talk in the living room. Henry was telling Zelena about the school trip. Regina relaxed slightly. At least Henry wasn't worried. Good. That was the most important thing right now. Her complicated feelings was not something Henry needed to know about. This shouldn't be complicated in his world. All he needed to know was that the man who hurt his mother was gone for good and never would come back again.
Once the cocoa was done, she poured the hot liquid into two cups, added a splash of whipped cream and a dash of cinnamon and carried it into the living room.
"I'll...just get...the last one," she said as she sat the two cups down on the coffee table. Halfway back to the kitchen, she looked at Henry over her shoulder and warned: "don't...drink it right away...Henry. It's...very hot."
"'Kay, mom."
In the kitchen, she poured the last cocoa into another cup and brought it back to the living room. Sat it down in front of Emma with the words: "here you are...my love."
"Thanks, lovely. You didn't make anything for yourself."
"I couldn't...possibly drink it," Regina said, adopting a light tone and putting on a smile for Emma. I've had...too much pizza."
Emma looked at her again in that way. That 'I-know-that-you're-not-okay'-way Regina had gotten so familiar with.
Not now. She avoided Emma's eyes and kept the brisk tone going as she sat down next to Emma. "So... What did I...miss?"
"Henry was telling me about his flooded tent," Zelena said.
"Oh," Regina managed a chuckle. "Yes, that was... quite the story."
"My sleeping bag was almost floating," Henry exaggerated.
Zelena lifted an eyebrow. "Really?"
"No," Henry giggled. "But almost."
"It's lucky...you didn't end up...with a cold, young man," Regina said and felt happy that she finally was able to actually contribute to the conversation. This was normal, right?
"At least I didn't have to go to school tomorrow if I had," Henry complained. Then his face split into a yawn.
It caused Regina to chuckle. Almost genuinely. "Getting...tired?"
"No." Henry quickly shook his head and took a sip of her cocoa.
An obvious lie. A clear denial. It was hard to miss how glassy Henry's eyes looked. Plus, his cheeks were red. Henry always got red cheeks when he was tired.
"Bedtime in...half an...hour," she said.
"But mom-"
"It wasn't...a suggestion, sweetie," Regina interrupted and gave him a little nudge. He grimaced at her, and she chuckled. Scratched her throat a bit.
Emma had just taken a sip of her cocoa. "This is very good. Better than Eugenia's."
"Somehow, I seriously...doubt that, my darling."
"You shouldn't. 'Cause it's true," Emma assured.
"And baby girl likes it too," Zelena added and rubbed her belly with her free hand.
"She's...kicking a-a-again?" Regina smiled. But not even hearing about her little niece could take her mind off things.
"Oh yes, she sure is." Zelena grinned.
"That reminds me...I've finished...the blanket...for her." Regina stood from the couch and quickly went into the hallway to find the blanket. She had stored it away in there earlier to ensure that no harm would come to it. Neal always managed to get his grabby little hands on everything.
She brought it back to the living room and showed it to her sister.
"Oh, that is lovely!" Zelena exclaimed, getting to her feet surprisingly fast for someone who had complained about back pains earlier.
Zelena kissed her cheek as she took the blanket and sat back down.
"You...like it?" Regina as she followed her sisters example and sat down as well. "It's not...my best...attempt, but it was...the only thing...I could...come up...with."
"I love it, hun," Zelena smiled. "It's beautiful. Makes me annoyed that I never learned how to knit."
"Who taught you to knit?" Emma asked.
"Malena did."
"Really?" Emma chuckled a bit. "I had no idea she could knit."
"Neither...did I until...she suddenly insisted...that I learned it...while I was pregnant with Henry," Regina replied and fiddled with the strings on her blouse. She wanted to scratch her throat again.
"Well, what do you know." Emma grinned. Then took another sip of her cocoa.
Regina nodded. Gave in to temptation and scratched her throat. It kept itching and itching. And itching.
She shouldn't scratch it. The itching sensation was in her head, she did know that, but she couldn't make it go away.
Like she couldn't stop thinking about the letter she had torn apart earlier…
A half an hour later, she told Henry that it was time for bed.
Henry didn't protest. He nodded and seemed okay with it. He hugged Zelena tightly and said goodnight. Then he looked from Emma to Regina.
"I'll... tuck you in," Regina told him and stood from the couch.
Henry seemed okay with that too. "Goodnight, Ma," he said to Emma. "Goodnight, aunt Z."
"Goodnight, master Mills," Zelena said. "I hope the roof won't leak."
Emma chuckled lightly. "'Night, kid. Sleep well."
"Thanks, Ma."
Regina put a hand on his shoulder as they walked upstairs. While he brushed his teeth in the bathroom, she went into his bedroom and switched on his little night light. She perched herself on his bedside.
It didn't take long before Henry came back. Now he was wearing his pajama, and he looked very sleepy when he climbed into bed.
Regina kissed the top of his head and prepared to tell her little prince goodnight, but before she could, Henry asked: "mom, are you okay?"
Regina tilted her head and immediately felt guilty that he had picked up on her bad mood. "Yes," she said slowly. "I am…okay."
Henry didn't buy it. He frowned as he looked up at her. "Are you…sad that he is dead?" he asked quietly.
"No," she said automatically. Because she was not sad. Her feelings were far more complicated.
"Then I don't understand," Henry said simply.
"It is…alright," Regina said gently and cupped his cheek. "You don't have….to understand. Not…this."
"But I want to understand it," Henry insisted.
"Henry…" she leaned in and brought her forehead to his for a moment. "Not all things…are meant to be…understood. But I am not….sad that he is…dead."
"He was evil," Henry muttered.
"He was….a man who….did evil….things. I don't….believe in evil, Henry." Not even when she was with Killian had she believed in evil. She had only believed that there were people who were capable of doing evil things. And Killian Jones had been one of them.
"If he hadn't died," Henry said slowly. "If he had spent longer in prison…. Do you think he could have decided to be better?"
It wasn't a naïve question. Regina had often wondered what kind of man Killian Jones had transformed into in prison. But she had only ever arrived at one conclusion. "I think he….made his decision about…what kind of….man he wants to be… that night where he….did bad things to me. I don't think….he could have….changed. Do you understand?"
"I think so," Henry nodded solemnly.
"Good. And now…" Regina cupped his cheeks. "I want you to… not think more about it….tonight. Instead I want you to….think about….the delicious pizza and the…yummy cocoa and me and your Ma…and your baby brother and-" she glanced at Percy Jackson And The Lightening Thief laying spine up on his bedside table. "Percy Jackson and…all the crazy things he…and his friends….gets…up to. Do you think….you can do that?"
"I think so. I love you, mom."
"And I….love you, my little…prince. So, so much. If you want….to talk more about this…tomorrow or another day, I am here….if you need me… and so is your…Ma. And your…therapist. Whoever…you want to…talk to."
"Thanks, mom." He threw his arms around her neck. "Will you be okay?"
"Yes," she said even though she had no idea when. But she had to lie the littlest bit to her son. She didn't want him to walk around and be upset about this.
"I love you," he repeated.
Regina hugged him tightly and kissed his forehead. "I love…you too. Now sleep…honey. It has been…a long day."
Henry let go of her and eased back against the pillow. Regina tucked him in and sat on his bedside for a while. When she was sure he was asleep, she pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. As quietly as she could, she left his bedroom and headed towards the stairs. He ever thoughtful and observant little prince. This was not something he needed to worry about, though. This wasn't something she wanted him to worry about. The only thing he needed to focus on was that Killian Jones was dead and never would pop up in their lives again.
That was the most important thing for him.
It should also have been the most important thing for her.
But she didn't have the luxury of just letting it go.
Killian Jones had sunken his claws too deeply into her.
The anger bloomed within her, and she had to stop at the top of the stairs to gather herself. Take a couple of deep breaths before walking down the stairs and into the living room where Emma and Zelena were waiting.
"Is Henry asleep?" Emma asked almost as soon as she walked in.
"He... is," Regina nodded. "Out as a...light." She walked over to Emma and gently kissed the top of her head. She sat down next to her girlfriend on the couch and took Emma's hand between her own. Sweet Emma had looked so worried about her, and Regina wanted to at least try and make up for that. "I'd...like to apologize...for having ruined dinner," she said quietly. "And for...having been...emotionally unavailable... all evening."
"You've got nothing to apologize for, sis," Zelena said gently.
Emma squeezed her hand softly. "Do you feel ready to talk about the phone call, my love? It's totally okay if you don't want to talk about it right now."
What good would it do her keep quiet about it?
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
Keeping quiet would only make it worse.
Regina took a deep breath. She owed Emma and Zelena an explanation. "I...don't think...It can...hurt to talk...about it."
"He's... He's really dead?" Zelena asked quietly.
"He is," she nodded.
"What happened?" Emma moved a bit closer. Their knees touched.
Another deep breath. "According...to the prison guard...who informed me...K-Killian was attacked in his cell earlier...this afternoon," she said, and her entire body recoiled at talking about it. She squeezed Emma's hand tighter. "Mr. Ardoin couldn't explain... how that could...happen in a...prison with that...l-level of...security, but a-according to...Mr. Ardoin, Killi-" she couldn't say his name out loud. "He was...s-s-s-strangled to death with a...belt." There. I said it. She wasn't sure it made it feel more real.
It sounded bizarre.
Hollow.
Warped justice.
And at the same time not really.
There was no justice in Killian Jones being wiped from this earth when she still wanted answers.
Her hand was lifted and gently kissed. "And how does that make you feel, lovely?" Emma asked tenderly.
Regina answered with one simple word. "Angry."
"Okay?" Zelena encouraged, but Regina could see that she found it strange. One of her eyebrows had lifted.
"Why, my love?" Emma softly asked her.
She shifted. Rubbed her free hand over her throat. Touched the place where the mark from the belt buckle had been. "It makes me angry...because now I...never get to see... him again."
"Excuse me, what?!" Zelena snarled, eyes blazing. "Why would you possibly want to-"
"Zee," Emma interrupted. Her voice was soft, but nonetheless firm. "Let her talk."
Her words caused Zelena to deflate immediately. "You're right. I'm sorry, sis," she amended.
"It's okay," Regina assured her sister, completely understanding why Zelena would react like that. She would probably have done the same.
But Regina wasn't suffering from battered women syndrome, nor did she have any sympathy whatsoever for the man who hurt her. This was different.
It wasn't about him.
It was about her.
She tried to explain as best as she could: "And I know...it sounds...strange, believe me...I do. But I wanted...to see him so I could...ask him why."
"Ask him why?" Emma echoed.
"Yes." She wasn't murmuring anymore now. "I wanted...to ask him why... he did what he did...to me."
Zelena opened her mouth to say something, but Regina was not done talking.
"I am not...trying to excuse...what he did, Zelena. But I wanted to...hear how he...could possibly justify what...he did to me...that night. I wanted to...see if he felt...any remorse...whatsoever. And I wanted to tell him...that despite...what he did to me that night...I'm still here. That I'm...alive and I...am happy. That my life...is better than I could...ever have...imagined... He didn't...break me...Not even...when he shoved me into a wall and...ripped my clothe-" no. Not that. She cleared her throat. "We don't...need to talk about...that." not tonight.
Emma wrapped an arm around her.
Her touch made Regina feel stronger. It made her able to say all the things she hadn't quite been able to put into that letter she had ripped to pieces earlier tonight.
"I wanted...to tell him how it...felt to have...a belt tightened around my neck. I wanted...to tell him how it...felt to wake up...in the hospital and feel like...you've been hit by...a bus and not...taken a beating. I wanted to tell him how...it felt to be...told that I cannot have...anymore...biological children...because of what he broke...when he kicked me. And I wanted...to explain the...sheer horror I felt...when I opened my mouth...and couldn't talk. How it...felt to be robbed of...your voice for seventeen...months." She rubbed her throat and tried not to shudder. All of this had happened to her, and she wanted to be able to talk about it.
"Regina..." Emma whispered.
Regina turned her head and kissed her girlfriend's forehead gently. Then she cleared her throat and continued: "and more importantly..." her voice was growing thicker now. But it wasn't failing her. "I wanted...to look into...his eyes and tell him...that I am not afraid of him. I wanted...to look at the man...who made my life...a living hell and...tell him that I am...not afraid of him." No more being screwed over by Killian Jones. "I talked...to my therapist about it...and she kept...emphasizing that it...was my own...decision, but I... don't think she thought...it was a good...idea, to be honest. And maybe...it wasn't...maybe it was just a silly idea...but it was important...to me. I needed that close...and now I'll never...get it. Because someone...made themselves the...judge over...whether he should live...or die, and I'm...angry about that." so, so angry. It wasn't fair that someone had just snatched Killian Jones away like this.
"You've never told me that, my love," Emma gently murmured. "You've never told me that you wanted to see him."
"Because... I knew how...you would...react." with fear. Horror. Confusion. Which would have been a completely rational reaction on Emma's behalf. Regina wouldn't have blamed her for it. Again, had the situation been reversed.
"I would have gone with you," Emma said matter of factly. "Yeah, I would have freaked the hell out over the idea of him getting anywhere near you, but if it was important to you, I would have gone with you."
"Well, now...that'll never...be an issue." She tried to shrug, but had a feeling that she wasn't doing such a good job.
"I'm sorry." Emma cupped her cheek tenderly. "I'm sorry you had that opportunity taken away from you."
She shrugged again and tried to reason with herself. "Perhaps...it's for the best. Perhaps it would...only have messed up...my PTSD even...more."
"Or maybe not," Emma gently retorted.
Leaning forward, Zelena put a hand over Regina's. "I'm sorry you can't get the closure you hoped for, honey."
"It is...what it is." This was just another thing she had to learn to live with. Like not having any more biological children. Or suffering from nightmares now and then. And speaking with pauses. Anger bubbled within her again. "I can't...change anything. He's...dead while I'm alive...I suppose that's something...to think about. Had things...gone different that night...it could have been...the other way...around."
A sob shattered the boiling anger she was feeling. "Regina, p-please don't say that. I can't-"
In a heartbeat, Regina wrapped her arms around her partner and pulled her closer. Didn't care that she nearly pulled Emma onto her lap. Now she felt bad about having sounded so tough. It was too much. Too crass. She hastily pressed a kiss to Emma's forehead. "I'm sorry...my love. I won't...say that again."
"No, I'm sorry," Emma hiccupped slightly. "It's not taboo, of course it's not. I just really hate...thinking about how close you were to actually..."
"Me too," Zelena agreed. Her voice was thinning.
"Ditto." Regina of course agreed with them. Her own mortality, and how close she had gotten to not surviving. Henry could have become motherless that night. Absolutely not. Never.
"So...let's not...talk anymore about it...tonight, okay?" she decided. Nothing good would come from talking more about it tonight.
"That sounds good to me." Zelena was very hoarse now. "And now I have a question…."
"Yes?" Regina encouraged.
"Is it possible that I can stay here tonight instead of driving home?" Zelena asked. "My house is empty, and I'd like to be close to my family."
Of course. "I'll...prepare the guest room," Regina said and smiled at her sister.
"Nope," Emma said matter of factly. "I'll prepare the guest room. You stay here with your sister. I have a feeling she'll be craving a hug in a second."
"However did you know?" Zelena's quip didn't sound quite as sharp as it normally would. She huffed and puffed as she stood from the chair. Red faced and panting slightly, she opened her arms and went: "now come here and hug me, damnit. And preferable before I burst into tears."
"I don't...think there's...much room with that...big belly, but I'll...give it a shot," Regina really did her best to laugh as she rose from the couch and hugged her sister tightly.
If only that could have been enough.
If only hugging her sister and sweet forehead kisses from Emma could have been enough to make all of this go away.
But it couldn't.
Things were still unfinished.
She would still never get the opportunity to look her past in the eyes.
And she was still so incredibly angry about that.
It wasn't fair that someone had exercised their warped justice before she could ask Killian Jones why the hell he had treated her like that!
To Be Continued...