A/N: As promised, I am not nor will I abandon this story. :) An update to It's Complicated will be posted next after it has been written, and no promises, but I will try my best to write out and update another chapter on this story before the day is over. For now, happy reading and have a wonderful first day of the week!
This was the first time Emma had ever seen that type of pain in Regina's eyes before. It was the first time Regina had ever felt it ping this real, tightly against her chest, travel and settle all the way down to the pit of her stomach where it didn't make it any better.
Emma quickly broke their hug, smiling down at Audrey. "How was your flight back?" She asked, pulling out the chair next to her for Audrey to sit, which she hurryingly does.
"Oh, a little exhausting, but good otherwise." Audrey scooted the chair a little closer toward the table, reached for a plate and began to serve herself some breakfast. "I'm starving, that's for certain," she chuckles, oblivious to Emma and Regina's quick shared glance, which is replaced with another smile from Emma as she looks her way again. "How was your time here?"
The blonde took a sip from her coffee and nodded, "Good."
"Yeah?" Audrey's head cocked to one side in surprise. "You didn't get bored at all?"
Regina silently and slowly took a bite of her eggs, eyeing Emma from underneath her long lashes.
"Who could get bored here, really?" Emma smiles over at Audrey before reaching for a strip of bacon from her plate, which Audrey snatched from her hand to eat herself in a playful manner.
"Yeah, I can see you didn't miss me at all." Audrey chuckled, chewing through the stolen bacon.
"What do you mean?" Emma frowned. "Of course, I missed you. Why wouldn't I miss you?" She draped an arm freely behind her girlfriend's chair.
Audrey laughed a little at the shocked expression on Emma's face, her hand softly caressing along her cheek. "I'm kidding, babe, come on. You don't think I know you've missed me?" Upon hearing a chuckle escape Emma, she leans in again to place another kiss against her lips.
"I did." Emma murmured against Audrey's lips, feeling another kiss being placed, followed by another.
"Yeah?" Audrey's voice was just as low, as she kissed her girlfriend once again. Clear evidence that Audrey had missed Emma terribly.
As any girlfriend would.
"Very much." The blonde replied, feeling the base of Audrey's thumb wipe away at the corner of her mouth, wiping away some of her lip gloss that rested just there.
Regina cleared her throat, stumbling through her words as she jumped right in. "H- how was Colorado, dear? Tell me all about it." She smiles, keeping her eyes on her daughter this time.
"Oh, well, Colorado is a dream!" Audrey went on telling both her mother and Emma about her trip, and about the cute gift shops she stumbled upon, the nice restaurants her father took her to, and how he had been so happy there.
How sad he had been when she had to come back.
That was breakfast endured through small glances, smiles toward Audrey that weren't at all staged, but given the 'Elephant' sitting right in the room with them that went unknown to Audrey, and very visibly felt by Emma and Regina, there was a constant heaviness around the room every time both women would so much as glance at one another from across the room.
Unfortunately for them- and unknowingly to Audrey- that went on throughout the entire morning until they finally parted ways after being done with breakfast, where Emma headed upstairs, hand in hand with Audrey, leaving Regina wondering what words would possibly be exchanged between them in the privacy of their bedroom.
Their bedroom. That thought had never pained Regina more than it did now.
It was wrong to feel this way about your own daughter's luck, wasn't it?
She had been jealous of Audrey before, but none of it felt quite like this before.
It was all so confusing, feelings suddenly bubbling up inside of Regina that she had never worried about experiencing before because there was never any reason to.
Until Emma came along.
"Oh! It feels so great to be back!" Audrey looked around her bedroom, having missed the sight of it as she entered along with Emma standing behind her.
Only Emma had been too far gone deep in her own thoughts. She couldn't stop thinking about her shared kiss with Regina. Because she had responded. Maybe if it was just for a second, but she responded. And she couldn't go on lying to herself about that.
She couldn't go on pretending like it didn't happen.
Audrey looked over her shoulder, straight at Emma, who looked gone. "Em?" She called out.
"Hm?" Emma's eyes darted over to Audrey. "I'm sorry," she shook her head. "I'm here."
"Are you?"
"Yes, of course, I am." Emma stepped further into the bedroom, holding onto Audrey's luggage and placing it inside of the walk-in closet.
"Are you sure you're okay?" She heard Audrey ask from outside the closet.
Truth was, Emma had danced with Regina.
She had treated her to dinner, one they didn't even get to finish.
She had taken her out for ice cream and had taken a trip with her to a place that meant the world to Regina.
And what was even more obvious- to her, at least- Emma had feelings for Regina.
Feelings she didn't even know were possible to abrupt from within her until she had kissed her.
"Actually, Audrey-" Emma came out of the closet, her eyes trained on Audrey's. She didn't deserve this. She deserved the truth. "No."
"No?" A frown formed on the girl's brow.
"No," Emma shook her head. "I'm far from okay."
"What's going on? You know you can tell me anything, right?" She reached for her girlfriend's hands, which Emma provided them with a gentle squeeze.
"I know." Emma nodded with barely a smile. "That's- that's why I think it's important that I talk to you about something. Something that happened while you were… While you were gone."
She needed to tell her. She had been determined to do so, but in that moment upon finding her determination and be upfront about things- Regina's face came to her mind.
And she thought about it better.
If she were to say something to Audrey now, it would be the right thing to do. But, it wasn't like she had cheated. She would become frantic and things would spiral out of control, and what's worse, that would stir up trouble for Regina. Not only with her own daughter, but with Leopold, too. And that was the last thing Emma wanted.
Besides, it had been one kiss.
A kiss she could not forget or push out of her mind.
A kiss she wouldn't mind repeating itself again. However impossible it seemed from ever repeating.
"Okay? What? Did- did you… Did you see another woman naked or something?" Audrey chuckled, hearing a chuckle escape Emma's lips.
"Uh… I-" She wet her lips after they fell dry. "Yes!" Emma breathed out with a crooked and nervous smile. "It's embarrassing, really, because… I- it was your… Mom."
Regina was going to kill her if Audrey said anything.
Audrey's eyes grew wide and a smile stretched across her lips. "Emma-"
"It was an accident! I wanted to show her some of my pictures, and I was looking for her, and found her… When she… Was coming out of her shower." Emma cleared her throat and swallowed down the hard lump that had formed, because in that moment of her 'little white lie,' she was trying really hard not to picture Regina naked.
She may have dug herself into a hole with that one.
"I- I turned away. I didn't see anything, I swear!"
"Is that all?" Audrey's rich laugh filled the room. Her hand fell freely against the blonde's forearm. "Baby, that's nothing."
"So, you're- you're not mad?" There's a crease in between Emma's brow.
"Why should I be mad about that? Things like that happen, Em. Same thing happened to me while in High School, only it was with my best friend at the time. That's actually what made me realize I liked girls." Audrey chuckled, and Emma felt free to share a smile with her. Her hand moved over toward Emma's blonde hair, allowing her fingers to caress a fallen curl. "I bet my mother was so embarrassed though."
"Oh, she was." Emma nodded, remembering how flushed Regina had become when she ran away from their kiss.
Audrey leaned in, pressing her lips against Emma's and humming in delight before pulling away. "Don't worry about it. And you don't have to be scared to tell me these things, okay?" She chuckled, "It's not like you kissed her or anything." She moved over to the closet, leaving Emma alone with her thoughts.
The blonde's eyes closed as she drew in three slow breaths. Her head shook as in her mind she was calling herself a coward.
"By the way, you are going to absolutely love what I bought you while I was looking around some shops in Colorado." Audrey's voice could be heard from within the closet.
Emma moved over to the door, leaning her forearm against the door frame, seeing Audrey bent over and searching inside of her suitcase. "Do I get to know what it is now?"
Audrey smirked over her shoulder before standing upright, walking over to Emma and pressing her lips against hers in another kiss. "Soon." She promised.
Emma glanced down at her watch in one quick motion. "Okay, it's soon." She smirked.
"Nice try, but not that soon." Audrey chuckled and shoved the blonde out of the way of the door frame, scurrying by her.
"What's the big mystery?" Emma grinned, feeling her girlfriend's arms wrap around her waist.
"No mystery. I just want it to be what it is. A surprise." Audrey raised a hand to brush back of a fallen curl behind Emma's ear. "You know, tomorrow is June, which means your birthday will be soon."
Emma rolled her eyes, but not in an annoying type of way. "Right… My birthday." She said in surrender. Knowing perfectly well Audrey already had something up her sleeve.
"Right," Audrey grinned, running the tip of her long index finger down the bridge of Emma's nose. "So, you'll just have to wait to see what it is I got you. But, I promise you, it'll be worth the wait."
"Okay." The blonde nodded. "I guess I have no choice but to wait."
"Afraid so." Audrey sighed as she walked back into her closet. "God, I feel exhausted. I think I'm going to jump into the shower."
"Who wouldn't be after a four hour flight?" Emma chuckled. Her eyes caught sight of a smirk stretching across her girlfriend's lips. She knew that smirk.
"Tell me about it. Would you care to join me in the shower?" As she asked this, Audrey's arms squeezed Emma in further, warning her that they had no intention of letting her go. Not when she had missed her like crazy.
"Tempting," Emma grinned, something inside of her heart constricting. But a chuckle covers that right up from being seen anywhere on her face. "I thought you were exhausted?"
"Well, yeah, but I've missed you more." Pressing her lips to Emma's, once more. Her head jerked back. "Do you not want to?" Her voice jerked just as her head had.
"It's not that I don't want to, of course I do. I just rather you rest, because," Emma taught quick on her feet. "Well, you know how us showering together always ends, and then for sure you'll be even more exhausted."
Audrey chuckled, bringing her thumb to Emma's cheekbone as she softly caressed it. "That is very true. You're right. I should just shower and rest first. We have all day, right?"
"That's right." Emma smiled as she broke free from Audrey's hold and began to walk backward toward the door.
"Hey, I was thinking, once I'm well rested and all. Want to go dancing?"
"You have missed me, haven't you?" Emma joked, hearing a small laugh escape Audrey. "Dancing it is." She waved as she held open the door to their bedroom.
"See you later," Audrey waved back with a smile stretched across her lips.
Once downstairs, Emma comes to a stop as she sees Regina walking toward the same staircase. "She's going to sleep for a bit and shower later." The blonde jerks her thumb over her shoulder.
Regina nods, her lips formed into a thin line. Thinner than Emma had ever seen them. "Well, excuse me, I think I'll head upstairs and finish that book."
"Regina-" Emma jerked her body to step before the brunette, blocking her path up the stairs. Her hand rested against the railing. She looks over her shoulder, just in case, keeping her voice down to a whisper. "Look, I don't want things to be awkward between us because of what happened."
"Nothing happened. Nothing." Regina's tone cut through Emma's heart like a knife. Especially the piercing look in her eyes. "Please, don't bring this up again."
"No, Regina, please, we have to talk about this because it did happen." Emma's voice was as firm as her fingers had become, which had wrapped tightly around the brunette's forearm.
She hadn't realized when she reached for Regina's arm, or even how tight she was holding onto it, filled with an eager feeling that wanted to rip out of her chest. This was killing her, and she could see it was killing Regina just by the look in her eye. Which right now, was filled with alarm by the way she had been grabbed.
"I'm sorry." Emma whispered, immediately and alarmingly releasing the woman's arm. Her eyes looked so pleading, it pained Regina's heart. "I didn't mean to do that, I just- I really think it's important that we talk about this."
"Emma." Regina's eyes closed until they opened back up, her determined stare to forget about the kiss staring right back into the girl's gentle green eyes. "Try to understand. Please. I can't do this." She whispers so softly, her voice wants to break. "What should be important to you is my daughter. Nothing more. Please do that. For me."
'For me.' Emma could do nothing more but blink as she realized her eyes burned and were threatening her to cry. But, she wouldn't cry. Absolutely. Would. Not Cry. No matter how much it pained her.
Kissing Regina had been the awakening to so many things Emma had been blind about. But, that was worth nothing if it meant it was only torturing Regina. The only problem was, the more Emma thought about that kiss, the more she wanted to repeat it. Only this time, if she ever did experience the luxury of feeling the woman's lips against her own, she would kiss her better. Longer. Deeper.
But as Regina brushed right past her, making her way up the stairs and not even bothering to look back her way, Emma decided to let her be. She knew Regina was right. Audrey was still in her life, she was still her girlfriend and Emma couldn't feel more low with herself because now, it wasn't her who occupied her thoughts, but her mother.
And now, it might just be that Regina didn't feel the same way about her. That's not something Emma wanted to particularly think about, especially when all the signs that had been there were more clear to her now.
This was a mess in itself.
This hole that had been dug was becoming so deep and so muddy, she could feel her fingers slipping through the dirt as she attempted to pull herself back up from out of it.
After trying all morning, and afternoon Regina finally finished her way through another great book. She sighed as she became lost in thought, feeling that hollow empty space that's left in your heart after finishing a piece of literature. She needed to withdraw from it, just like she needed to withdraw from Emma.
Or at least her thoughts of her. Of how soft her lips had felt when they pressed against her own. How her arms made her feel safe even simply by being wrapped up in a dance that became a shared embrace.
And as she glanced down at the finished book that rested against her lap, Regina couldn't help but think about her dream. How beautiful and absolutely sexy Emma looked in that white turtleneck sweater with her golden hair cascaded over her shoulders and the fabric of the sweater's wool. Regina's eyes closed upon feeling that familiar tingling feeling in between her thighs, so much that she was left slightly pressing them together. She needed to stop.
Possibly cut everything to the quick with Emma.
Maybe that's what was best.
"Mom?" Audrey's voice startles Regina out of her thoughts, causing her to bring her legs down from the couch in one fast motion that startles her daughter. "Are you alright?" Her eyes look at her wide.
"Y- yes. I'm sorry, sweetheart. I was just-" Regina shakes her head, tossing the book aside on the couch.
"Say no more." Audrey chuckled, getting a glimpse of the author's name on the book.
"You look beautiful." Regina smiles, drinking in her daughter's outfit. She wore her denim jacket on top of a simple floral dress. "What's the occasion?"
"No occasion. Emma and I are just going dancing tonight."
"Dancing, really? Again?" Regina's brow raises so perfectly. She hadn't meant for the word 'again,' to sound so spat out like a snake spitting out its venom, but luckily Audrey hadn't caught the tone.
"She loves to dance." Audrey innocently shrugged.
"That she does," the brunette murmured under her breath. And in that moment, her eyes move over to Emma as she steps inside the living room, looking absolutely breathtaking. She was wearing her blue leather jacket again on top of one of her tank tops this time.
What was she possibly thinking? Did she really have to go out dancing with Audrey dressed like that?
"Hey," Emma smiled at Audrey. "You ready?"
"I was born ready." Audrey replies, turning to her mom one last time. "Mom- do you want to come? Like last time."
And be turned into the third wheel just so she could sit about, drink and watch them dance together all night? She rather sit and drink at home.
"Oh, no," the brunette quickly shook her head, her eyes glancing over into Emma's. "You two go ahead. I'm sure you would rather be alone tonight." And every night. And so would she.
"Mom, I don't want you staying here alone, it's not healthy for you." Audrey frowned.
Regina chuckled, "Audrey, I'm not alone. Sidney will be here. Don't you trouble yourself over that."
"It's no trouble for you to join us." Said Emma, her eyes piercing right through Regina's soul. She hoped she could read them well enough to know that she wanted her to come along.
She could, but Regina's answer would still remain the same.
"Yeah, mom, come with us. I saw you that night dancing," Audrey smirked, watching her mother's cheeks turn a shade of pink. "You were having a blast. I loved seeing you that happy."
"I appreciate that, dear, but not tonight. Maybe the next time you two go dancing, I'll tag along." Her eyes dart over to Emma's disappointed gaze. "You two need to be alone. Go. Have fun. Dance all night." She allowed a chuckle to escape her, but chuckling against her will had never hurt so much as she took a seat back on the couch, and opened her book to pretend to read.
"Well, okay, whatever you feel like doing." Audrey looked over to Emma. "Oh! My purse, I left it in the room. Hang on." She rushed upstairs.
"Hurry up." Emma turned to Regina, who's nose remained buried within the pages of the book.
Was she really going to act this way? Just sit there, and ignore her?
"Gina-"
"Aren't you wearing very little to go out dancing, Ms. Swan?" The brunette murmured behind her book.
Emma glances down at her choice of clothing before she's looking back at Regina. "I don't think so. Besides, dancing makes you get a little hot under the collar."
A low chuckle escapes Regina, and hurts her throat to swallow down that familiar lump known as jealousy. Truth was, Emma's look in one of her tank tops had become a weakness to Regina. It was something out of this world as to how good the blonde possibly looked wearing it just underneath her parted jacket. And she didn't want her dancing with Audrey looking that good.
"Wait a second," Not even the sound of Emma's voice caused Regina to look away from her book. "Are you jealous?" The blonde whispers, leaning in a little where she stands.
She was jealous. Emma could tell, and she would be lying to herself if she didn't admit loving that look on the brunette. Because even jealousy sat Regina well, it made her jaw structure pop out more, making it look finely polished like a marbled work of art. And it was possible that Regina didn't know this, but as she sat there, with her legs propped up casually on the couch, her toes slightly curled.
"Don't be ridiculous, Ms. Swan." The brunette looked up from behind the book this time, whipping her head toward Emma so fast, it made Emma's own head spin. "Why would I be jealous of my own daughter?"
"I don't know. Why would that be?" Emma waited, having no chance of an answer due to Audrey running back into the living room with purse in hand.
"Sorry, I swear I have to tie it to my wrist." Audrey grinned, her eyes moving over to her mother. "Mom, are you sure you don't want to tag along?"
Regina quickly shook her head. "I'm fine, dear. Really."
"Alright," Audrey rushes over to the older brunette and places a kiss against her cheek. "We'll be back later."
"Be careful." Said Regina.
"We will. Come on, Em." She pulls on her girlfriend's arm.
Emma and Regina's eyes meet from across the room as the blonde willingly steps out of the front door with Audrey.
Regina finds herself moving toward the window, and watching as her daughter happily mounts the familiar yellow bug, followed by Emma. The blonde no longer looks her way, toward the direction of the window as they are leaving, and that is too much for Regina to handle. Knowing she will be out late, dancing with Audrey was too much to handle.
She needed a drink of her own. Maybe two.
Racing out of the living room, Regina pressed on her way, barefoot and all, past the stairs and down the hallway until she came to two double doors. She knew she wasn't allowed in here, but Leopold was gone and how would he possibly know that it was her who came in here? Besides, Regina was determined to have that hard, satisfyingly burning drink and she would have it.
And this was the room where Leopold kept his best liquor, away from any other room of the house.
Parting open the doors to her husband's office, Regina stepped inside, coming to a halt at the grim sight of the stuffed animals that now faced her upon entering. She knew Leopold had placed them somewhere, but she never imagined they looked this terrifying.
Keeping her eye-level low and away from the haunting animals, Regina raced right inside until she came face to face with the mini bar. Given that she was forbidden to enter here, she knew Leopold would never think of locking his liquor cabinet. That being said, Regina reached all the way in the back, hearing a few bottles clank together- quite loud- until she pulled out the one bottle she wanted to try tonight.
Good 'ol Jack Daniel's flavored with a sweet hint of green apple. She remembers that drink being her father's favorite when she was a child, and right now she needed to feel a brush of closeness to some family.