A/N: I'm sorry for my tardiness on updating this story. I know I said I would update yesterday and didn't, because life simply became busy with tons of interruptions. But, better late than never, right? This next chapter took me all day to write out to its perfection, simply because it hit me with all kind of emotions. I smiled and I cried, as I suspect you all will, too. This chapter easily became one of my favorites as I was creating it, so I hope you all can appreciate it. You guys are making this story grow day by day, and I can never thank you enough for that. Love you all! Happy reading! :)
Stay tuned for tomorrow's chapter!
Audrey's laughter filled the entrance of the house as she came stumbling inside, her fall being caught by Emma. "Shhh. Audrey," Emma whispered, holding onto her drunk girlfriend's body.
"What? Oh, right. Shhh…" Audrey's long finger was meant to be placed by her mouth but got as far as reaching the corner. Her feet slurred as well as her words. Her arms plopping right around the blonde's shoulders. "I'm so happy to be home. I sure did miss you."
Emma chuckled and her arms wrapped firmly around her girlfriend's form to guide her up the stairs. "I know, I missed you, too. Come on, let's get you upstairs. Call it a night."
"Oooh," A playful grin stretched out on Audrey's lips and her feet automatically lifted up in the air, along with her body which landed swiftly in the blonde's arms. She chuckled upon hearing a gentle 'umph' escape Emma's throat as he caught her. "And do what?" Her eyebrows waggle.
A small laugh breathed through Emma's thin lips, her teeth bare as she carried a very drunk Audrey up each step of stairs. "And get you into bed."
"Mhm, and then?"
"And then… You are going to sleep because you are very drunk." Emma pushed the door to their bedroom open with her foot upon turning the knob to the best of her abilities.
"I'm not drunk, babe, I'm just suuuupeeeer happy." Not that Audrey would be in her sixth senses to remember, especially when the room was spinning out of control, but she could feel the softness of their mattress right underneath her and that was confirmation enough for her to know Emma had placed her down. "Where are you going?" She reached for the blonde's arm.
"I'm going downstairs to get you a glass of water. I won't be long."
"'Kay." Was all Audrey had the strength to murmur before she cuddled up to Emma's pillow, hogging most of the bed.
Emma made her way out of the bedroom, down the hall and down the stairs. She peeked into the living room, not seeing any sign of Regina anywhere. The thought of her being asleep in her bedroom crossed her mind, so she let her search go and immediately made her way into the kitchen for a glass of water.
Reaching for a glass, Emma moved over to the fridge where she pulled out a pitcher of ice cold water before tipping it over the glass. The water sloshes on the way in, and the lights of the kitchen flicker on, causing Emma to jolt around, her eyes staring wide-eyed at- "Regina." She breathes out her name like her lungs depended on it.
"Good evening, Ms. Swan." The brunette's body is leaning against the entrance of the kitchen, and it's only when she moves that Emma's eyes fall on the half bottle of Jack Daniel's.
She didn't know Regina drank that much, let alone get drunk. The times she's seen Regina pick up a glass of wine, or when they shared a glass of whiskey on a night inside this very kitchen, she always kept her composure. But right now, seeing her like this. The way her body swayed slowly side to side as she entered her way further into the kitchen, Emma could only come to the conclusion that she was just as drunk as Audrey was.
"Have you been drinking?" Emma couldn't help herself in asking. The sight of Regina drunk was still very surprising, even if Emma didn't mind it.
Regina's head dipped down until her eyes glanced down at the bottle. "I had a few sips," her voice slurred in the most endearing way. Her hand held up the bottle, the liquid sloshing inside of its confinement as it was now to eye-level with the brunette. "Maybe more than a few." She frowned, because apparently even drunk, she knew what awaited her if Leopold found out she went into his office.
"Hey, it's okay." Said Emma, as if she knew exactly what was going through her mind at that moment. Truth was, she had seen that bottle before. She knew where it belonged. "Regina-"
"How was your night out dancing?" The brunette asked, not having trouble at all collecting up the words and spitting them out. She chuckled at that then, "God, look at me- you'd think you were dating me, hm?" She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment and Emma could not look away. Especially from Regina's eyes, the way they looked up and down, drinking her completely in. "But, that could never happen, could it? Not while you're dating my daughter. Not even if you broke up with her."
Emma blinked. "Gina-" She didn't know how to respond to this sudden raw, but drunken emotion spurring from Regina. Not while she was in this state.
"Don't mind me, Emma," Regina chuckles once again, her legs slurring their way as she walks toward the blonde. Her eyes were a little droopy and hiding behind black thick lashes, but Emma could still look into them as Regina glanced up at her. "It's not me talking, it's-" The ember liquid sloshes inside of the bottle as she raises it up to eye-level again.
"You know, they say drunks always tell the truth." Emma states with a hint of humor. "At least now I know you were jealous earlier."
A coat of light pink flushes over Regina's cheeks, but she simply shakes her head and answers with another reply of her own, but not after letting out a very noticeable scoff. "Well. Truthfully… I'm more embarrassed you have to see me like this. If there was ever an ounce of you that liked me during those days it was just you and I, it possibly dissolved by now." She chuckled again, shaking her head once again, "Listen to me, thinking that you could possibly like me-" A gasp escapes past her lips, surely she was dreaming, or she died from alcohol poisoning, because she could swear Emma's hand was resting along her cheek, feeling her thumb softly caress along her jawline.
It just wouldn't be possible.
Regina was in fact a little drunk, but even through her slightly blurred vision she could certainly confirm that Emma was standing before her right now, locking her gentle green eyes into her very soul while softly caressing her jaw up to her cheekbone. So softly.
Then again, if this was a dream. She would rather not wake.
Emma wasn't sure of what to do as she balanced out her thoughts. On one scale, the desire to kiss Regina balanced a little high. Especially with the devoted and lost look in Regina's eyes, and the color of lipstick that coated her beautiful lips. While the other scale would shift the other up and down, unsure if to weigh more or weigh less, because in a way, Emma knew how inappropriate this was.
The thought of kissing her girlfriend's mother- her mother!- of all the women that Emma could have become attracted to, it had to be Audrey's mother. The thought that she wanted to kiss her again, and never stop. The thought of really- really- liking someone that wasn't Audrey.
It was wrong.
And if she were to kiss Regina now, that would be a betrayal to Audrey. And to Regina.
"Regina, I-" Emma's heart wanted to burst. Her tongue darted out, wetting her lips. "I do." Her voice is so soft, she can't help but lean her face in just a little that Regina could practically feel a light brush of Emma's breath almost tickle her lips.
"You- you do?" Regina's voice breathed out just as softly as Emma's, mimicking the blonde's whisper. Her eyes unable to part away from the beautiful sea green color that stared back at her.
Emma's reply led her hand that still rested on the older woman's cheek to cup around her jaw, right down the back of her neck as it began to slowly pull her in, her lips feeling the feather-like brush of Regina's lips against them. The thin air between their lips shared in soft, gentle breaths.
Regina's body remained perfectly still, her eyes slowly closed until the room they found themselves in turned completely dark, leaving her and Emma with the gentle sensation of their lips caressing against one another.
The balance of desire weighed out, slowly reaching the floor beneath their feet.
For a kiss to be considered a kiss, both pairs of lips had to be engraved and mobile against one another. Sailing in a sea of gentle waves, escalating the empowerment of feelings between two hearts. Feeding two people's desire with mutual heat, love, and lust until your feet were lifting up from the ground underneath you, making you believe that in that moment, you could fly as high as you pleased.
What Emma and Regina were sharing right now was a simple caress. A caress shared with each other's lips that happened to turn into something much more than a simple kiss.
Their lips weren't moving, but standing perfectly still against one another.
Regina remained perfectly still, too afraid that if she opened her eyes, this would have all been a drunken dream, and she would wake up lying in her bed instead of standing here with the girl that took her very breath away.
Just as Emma was too afraid to open hers, and find herself robbed of this moment.
There was nothing Emma wanted more right now than to actually kiss Regina.
More than anything in the entire galaxy, she wanted it. Desired it. Dreamed of it. Yearned for it.
But this… To have Regina trust her while Emma softly and simply brushed her lips against her own, leaving a burning trail of their welcomed caress.
This was better than a kiss.
It was heaven on Earth.
This could allow both Emma and Regina to burn out their desire of wanting to feel the magic of their lips coming together, without actually joining together.
Regina could feel her pulse rising, feel the one on her neck gently drum quietly. Her body remained perfectly still, as she could feel the gentle caress of Emma's thumb against her jaw and neck, up and down, so softly. Allowing Emma to decide when the brushing of their lips would tragically come to a stop.
Eventually, they did. Emma forced herself to stop after another cherished minute. And as she softly pulled back, her eyes opened to the breathtaking sight of Regina's hooded eyes, locking right into her own.
Their breathing was surprisingly calm, their chests rising and falling with a smooth motion.
The only thing that Emma didn't cease to do was to continue to allow her thumb to brush along the fine line of Regina's jaw.
Regina could see a faint smile tilt up at the corner of Emma's mouth, and even that was a beautiful sight. "Emma-"
"Don't," Emma whispered, shaking her head. "Don't say anything. Because it's already taking everything in me to hold back from kissing you. And, I swear to God, if I hear my name escape your lips one more time, it will become my undoing." She breathed out, her chest falling and rising a little quicker now as it was becoming a little difficult to breathe.
Regina's heart constricts inside of her chest. If she hadn't been a little drunk already, she would be now just by Emma's choice of words. Emma wanted to kiss her. Her. And she would love nothing more than to enjoy the pleasure of kissing her back. But, she also knew it couldn't happen. Not while Audrey's feelings were at stake.
And more than anything, the last thing Regina wanted was to be responsible for breaking her own daughter's heart.
Emma didn't want that either. But her attraction to Regina, their mutual attraction to one another was clearer than ever before. Her question now was why? Why did it have to be Regina? Why now?
"I think," Regina backed away, forcing herself to lose contact with Emma's light touch. "It's a good idea that I get some rest. And you should, too."
"I'll walk you to your bedroom." Said Emma.
"No. No, I don't- I don't think that would be a good idea. And, my daughter… You have to get back to her, I'm sure she-"
"Regina." Emma's eyes dart directly into Regina's gaze. "Audrey is passed out by now, and I am simply walking you to your room. The last thing I need is for you to trip down the stairs in your state. I'm sure Audrey will more than appreciate me looking after her mother."
Audrey would appreciate that, and right now- in her slightly drunken state- Regina didn't want to think just how appreciative Audrey would be towards Emma. She was still walking on air from hers and Emma's shared moment a few minutes ago to bring herself down like that. So, she simply nodded, placing the bottle of Jack Daniel's on the kitchen counter as she began to walk out of the kitchen.
Emma followed along, taking the glass of water with her, and quickly rushing to be at Regina's side. "Here," she instinctively wrapped an arm around Regina's waist, helping her climb one step at a time along the length of the staircase. They were so close to one another again, that Emma could pick up on the faint scent of apples and cinnamon, wondering if that was a shampoo Regina used.
Careful and one foot at a time, Regina climbed each step successfully until she reached the top of the second floor. She turned to give Emma one last look for the night upon reaching the outside of her door.
"Safe and sound." Emma murmured with a small smile across the corner of her lip. It made Regina wish she could kiss that corner.
"Just when I think I can stop myself from liking you," Regina's eyes pierce right into Emma's soul through her own green ones. "You do something sweet, like this to prevent it."
"I'm sorry." Emma didn't need to apologize. Not really. She just felt like it was the right thing to do. Especially when she found herself in the same situation as Regina.
Regina breathes out a chuckle, her back leaning against the door with a light thud as her feet lose their balance. "You, Emma Swan, are…" What was she? She was forbidden. Yet, she was also a temptation beyond Regina's dreams. "A forbidden temptation." She smiles. "Like the forbidden apple from the Garden of Eden."
Emma's heart crumbles inside of her chest until there is nothing left. No one had ever compared her to anything more beautiful and so forbidden. "Regina-" she takes a step forward, only to feel Regina's hand land freely on her chest.
"Good night, Ms. Swan." Was the last thing Regina utters before crossing her doorway and shutting the door. Her back meets her door again, only this time, Regina allows her body to slide down until she sits against the ground. Her legs bend until her knees are cradled by her arms, and it is only then that Regina can't hold back anymore. She allows a single tear, followed by another to roll past her cheek.
She's always heard that drinking could numb even the beating of your heart when suffering over a love you can't possibly have. Well, Regina could tell you right now- that's a lie. If anything, she cursed at herself for giving into the temptation of that stupid bottle, because it only made her heart ache more. And having had Emma's lips softly brush against hers the way they did, she had melted in ways she didn't know she could. As if her soul left her body and collapsed right back down, plummeting into her chest like a sledgehammer to a wall.
Emma leaned in, resting her free hand against the brunette's door, her head slightly dipped. Her eyes stung, threatening her to shed tears of their own that Emma quickly blinks away. Her bottom lip wobbles as she swallows down the knot that now found a home inside of her throat.
How was she to get over what she was beginning to feel for Regina? There was no way.
How could she look Audrey in the eye and pretend that everything was fine? When it wasn't.
Was it love?
Emma had no way of answering that question right now. But, what she did know and was certain of was that her attraction for Regina only grew. And tonight had been no different.
Emma wiped away at the corner of her eye, feeling a moist spot being smeared off against her knuckle as she walked toward the bedroom, where she entered quietly. Placing the glass of water down against the bedside table, Emma reached for her phone, her gaze falling on Audrey's passed out state. She could see her back rise and fall so peacefully.
She softly made her way back out of the bedroom, down the hall and down the stairs, moved through the kitchen where the sight of the half bottle of Jack Daniel's stopped her. She could remember the scent of it lingering off of Regina's breath upon remaining so close to her earlier. The very thought burning inside of Emma's chest, she could feel her own breathing quicken.
Emma headed straight for the back doors to the pool. The blue color of the water illuminating against her skin as a brush of gentle wind danced around her. Thank God. She needed air right now as her body plopped down against the lounge chair. Her head glanced up at the window to the brunette's bedroom, seeing no sign of Regina anywhere, leaving her to release a sigh that even hurt her chest on the way out.
Holding out her phone, Emma opens up her pictures, scrolling through them until she taps on one of her and Audrey. It was taken tonight while they were out dancing. Scrolling through a couple more, swiping her thumb across the screen, she stops to the one that had been taken when they enjoyed an outing at the park. Her smile was so big it reached her eyes, compared to the smile she had worn tonight. It was a genuine true smile, but one that didn't quite reach her eyes.
Was she falling out of love with Audrey?
Emma couldn't even figure out when the hell that happened, if that was the case.
The only thing she was certain of tonight was that having Regina so close, yet so far was like a state of great disturbance- a turmoil against her feelings for Audrey.
Closing the app to her pictures, Emma then tapped on her contacts, scrolling through the list of names until she came across one in particular. David. He would be awake, if she called him. Emma knew that for sure. It was Friday and on Friday's David always found himself on the late shift at the station where he worked. And, it helped that he was sheriff so no harm of him getting in trouble for answering a personal phone call.
Emma pressed her phone to her ear once she tapped on the call button at the bottom of David's name. The line rang once, twice, three, even four times until she heard it click, followed by David's unmistakable voice.
"Sheriff Nolan." The corner of Emma's lip tilted into a private smirk. David always had a bad habit of not looking at the caller ID of even his cell phone when working. It proved how dedicated he was to his work, and also meant that he was possibly filling out report by report tonight.
"David. It's Emma." She spoke softly.
"Emma? Hey, kiddo. How are you?" Emma could hear the faint creak of his chair, adjusting himself she presumed.
"I've been fine." Her answer was simple.
"I'm glad to hear that. You know, your mother's been missing you like crazy. She keeps insisting we send you over a box of your favorite bear claws." He chuckles.
"She always does know how to miss me." Emma chuckles along, feeling her eyes sting with unknown pearls of tears.
"That she does. But, tell me, how's Boston treating you? How's Audrey doing?"
"Audrey's been fine. She's, she's asleep, actually." Then it dawned on Emma, she didn't even know why call David in the first place. Maybe because if there was one person in this entire round world who could calm her thoughts, it was him. Or maybe because David had a rather soothing voice over the phone, and it kept Emma grounded when she felt a little confused about certain things in her life.
Then again- "Emma? What's wrong, kiddo? You sound a little distant tonight." If anyone knew about matters of the heart, it was David Nolan. The only real father she ever knew.
"I can never fool you, can I?" Emma chuckles so quietly, it matches the chirping of tonight's crickets she can hear around her.
"I wouldn't be a police officer of the Portland Police Department, otherwise." There's a hint of humor in his voice that quickly trails off as it becomes coated with concern. "Talk to me. What's going on?"
Emma exhaled a sharp breath as her body tilted back, only to abruptly stand on her feet. "David…" She raked her free hand over her hair. "When you met my mother, you were still married to your ex-wife, right?" She winced.
David is quiet in his end, and Emma can understand that. He had been a married man when he and Mary Margaret met, and he never forgave himself for breaking his wife's heart the way he did.
"That's right. We were having problems, my ex-wife and I, yet we remained married. I actually didn't have the courage to ask for a divorce until I started seeing your mother a little more frequently- Emma-" Emma can't tell if the sound that came out of him was a scoff or a startled huffed out breath. "You know all this already, why- why are you asking me this question?"
Once again, Emma winced as she bit at the very edge of her nail. She never could help but fidget with a piece of skin that poked out at that very edge every single time she grew really nervous about something.
"Curiosity." Emma stated, pacing back and forth near the pool. Her eyes fall on the blue lit water as she then asks, "Did you ever… Hate yourself? You know, for becoming interested in another woman while you were still married?"
Another wave of silence ran through both ends of the phone. Emma could imagine David sitting quietly at his desk, with piles of papers all over the place, and his single desk lamp lit, creating a streak of light and shadow upon his stone-like features. His back hunched over but stiff.
"I did." David's words were whispered out, but not quietly enough for Emma to miss. Feeling her heart race against her chest. "I hated myself every single day. It wasn't easy, discovering that my feelings toward my wife had drastically changed one day to another."
"How did you-" Emma's mouth went dry. "How did you handle it?"
"The best way I could." The creak of the chair was heard again on his end, followed by a rustling of the phone, and Emma could picture him adjusting himself in his seat, with this back pressed against the chair this time. "I told myself repeatedly, every single day of my life that I was human, and that shit happens. It didn't mean I didn't love my wife, of course I loved her. I just happened to love your mother more." There's a chuckle. "That actually sounds a little awful, but, in the long run, Emma, I realized that it wasn't fair to my wife, nor your mother, nor myself that I kept up appearances with her just to make her family happy."
Oh, how the cycles of life repeat themselves.
"She knew I was seeing your mother, eventually. She never saw us together, nor would I talk about it, but, I guess she saw that one day after another, I was smiling more. So much, it hurt my damn cheeks." Emma chuckles this time.
"Can I ask you a question?" Asked Emma, moving directly to her question after hearing a simple 'shoot,' from David. "What made you-" No. She shakes her head. "How did you know when to come clean about everything to her?"
David huffed out a long sigh, and Emma could see him raking one of his hands through his hair. "When my heart beat only for your mom."
This time it was Emma who huffed out a breath. It was that simple? "That sounds complicated in itself, David. It's crazy to think that your heart can beat for someone, and then the next day, it beats only for someone else who is entirely different from the person you're previously with. Almost like it has a fucking mind of its own. That or it likes to play a sick joke on you."
David laughs a little, his chair squeaking again. "It's funny. You know I thought the same thing you are right now. And, I'll tell you this, your mother helped me out a great deal whenever I came clean about everything, including to her. I will always remember her saying to me, 'David Nolan. You are human. And as a human, you aren't meant to be perfect. Because nobody is perfect. Not even I am perfect. You were with your wife for a good amount of yours and you loved her very much- you still do- but I also am certain that if you and I found each other and couldn't help falling in love. Then that just means that you were meant to be where you are, loving your wife, until the right moment came for us to live our happy ending. If I wanted perfect, I would have been with a robot.'"
Emma's tear ducts stung as they filled up with tears again. That was such a Mary Margaret thing to say. "So you're saying…" Her voice cracks a little, forcing her to clear her throat. "That one could be in love with someone, with the person you're with now, but they might not be who you were meant to be with?"
"Just because you meet someone and fall in love with them, that does not mean you belong together. And if that's the case, then that could only mean that your true love could be just around the corner." It was amazing how much David's words could resemble her mother's sometimes. That made Emma believe even more that after everything, they belonged together.
"Thanks, David." Emma smiled a little. "I needed to hear that coming from you."
"Emma," His chair creaked again, and she could picture him turning a little serious now. Concerned, too. "Has something happened? Are you… Trying to tell me that you're-?"
"Ever the cop, huh?" Emma chuckles so low she isn't sure he heard her humor. Her feet pace back and forth as her hand rakes across her hair. "I honestly don't know how to answer that question right now, David. And the worst of it all, is that Audrey and I, we aren't even having problems. Everything with us has been running smoothly, she's even talking about moving in together once we drive back to Portland. But this other woman…" She sighs sharply, shutting her eyes. "She's something special, she's broken but little by little she's allowed me to mend the cracks that have pierced her skin. And in the span of a couple of weeks, we've built this friendship that… It's had me questioning a lot of things lately. Including my feelings I thought I had for Audrey." She plops down on the lunge chair, sighing again. "David. Tell me I'm an asshole. Tell me I am in way over my head. T- tell me- tell me that I shouldn't do this."
There's a pause before Emma could hear the faint creak of David's chair again, followed by his honest voice. "Is this other woman a friend of Audrey's as well?"
"Something like that." She winces a little, her shoulders stiff. It didn't scare Emma that she was suddenly finding herself to be attracted to an older woman, nor did it scare her that that woman happened to be Audrey's mother. But, she didn't know if it would scare David. So, for now and for good measure- she would keep that small fact to herself.
"Well, all I can tell you, kiddo, is that if she's manage to find her way into your heart somehow, even in the span of a few weeks. I'd say it's up to you to figure out what it is exactly that you feel for her."
"Well, I like her. That much is clear." Emma breathes. Hearing herself admit it to herself and finally, someone else, was a weight lifted off of her chest. "And tonight, she pretty much made it clear to me that her feelings toward me are pretty mutual. But, we can't exactly experience our feelings together to see how far they go, because-"
"Because there's still Audrey." Emma nods as if David can see her. "Trust me, Emma, if anyone can understand your situation perfectly- that'd be me." Except her situation was a little different given that the other woman was no other than Audrey's mother! "The only thing I can say is, give it time. Set out your feelings as if it were your own personal mission, and when the time comes, if your feelings toward this other woman don't change, then that's when you'll know when to be honest with Audrey."
"I don't know, David," Emma shakes her head, her eyes look up toward the dark window of Regina's bedroom. "I came close to talking to Audrey about it, but I still wasn't sure if this woman liked me, and now that I know she does… It's just much harder, because…"
"Because why, Emma?"
"Because she's a married woman." Emma can feel bile rise to her throat upon that confession. She even heard a faint gasp from David, and with good reason.
"Well, so was I, kiddo." He says matter-of-factly.
She could tell David everything Regina's been going through, but she wouldn't. He was a cop and as a cop, David always stuck to the right side of the law, as any good cop did. If she so much as said something about Leopold to him, he would want to get involved someway, somehow.
"I just don't think my situation is as easy as yours." She hears a faint chuckle escape him.
"Emma, nothing about my situation was easy. It never is."
"It doesn't matter." Emma's eyes look up at the dark window again. "I don't even think we'll ever be able to actually be together."
"Only time will tell, Emma. You can never know that for sure. If you and this other person are meant to be- you'll be. Here in this time, or in your next life, but you'll be."
Her next life. Emma didn't want to wait that long. "I'm fucked up, aren't I? Audrey doesn't deserve this."
"You're right, she doesn't. No one does. But, you're also human, Emma. You aren't perfect. No one is. Remember that."
"Remind me to call you when I've placed all of these scattered ducks in a row." Emma hears a chuckle escape David's throat. "Thanks again, David."
"I'm always a phone call away, kiddo. No matter what hour it is, you call me."
Emma ends the call, content and feeling her lungs are able to breathe just a little more after her late night chat. She smiles a little, and looks up Regina's window one last time, and in the span of that time, she thinks of her. Of the way her eyes look at her every single time they lock onto her own. The way she smiled whenever Emma would say something with good humor, or even something completely stupid.
It was late, and she needed sleep. If she wanted to be able to place all of her ducks in a row like she told David, she needed to consult her feelings with her pillow tonight before facing a bright and early morning tomorrow.