Gladiator

by Seyary-Minamoto

In a world where the Avatar wasn't found, the Fire Nation took over two nations and they strive to overcome the last one. Water Tribe warrior Sokka seeks to fight for his people's rights, but he's captured by his enemies. His life is no longer in his hands as he fights as a Gladiator, and his fate will eventually depend on the Fire Nation Princess, who needs him for her own ends...

252. Chapter 252: Broken Apart 5

Broken Apart

5

Rain splattered against the red umbrella, splashing around it in a perfect circle, protecting the vulnerable woman from the water that already had soaked her: how fitting that she would only be protected when the damage had already been done and could not be taken back. Her eyes rose accusingly towards the helmeted soldier, a surge of outrage taking root within her heart.

"You shouldn't stay here," he said next, again with that melodious voice that had rubbed Azula the wrong way ever since she had first met him in the quarters of a guard who deserved that uniform far more than Renkai did.

"You were ordered… to come after me?" Azula asked, her voice trembling as she rested with her right shoulder against the door. "I suppose congratulations are in order… huh? Promoted to Captain… you must be pleased."

"I have no opinion on the matter at present," he said, curtly. Azula scoffed dismissively.

"That's… hard to believe," she said.

"It's irrelevant to your circumstances, regardless," Renkai said, betraying no emotion. "I've been ordered by the Fire Lord to escort you on a brief trip outside the Palace."

"I… I'm not going anywhere," Azula said, scowling as she clutched at the door. "What harm am I doing anyone by being here? C-can't I just…?"

"The Fire Lord commanded that you must visit the lady Mai, right away," Renkai said, bluntly.

Azula's heart sank: all complaints and refusals vanished as those words rebounded within her head repeatedly, echoing on and on until they sank in… and her chest heaved with her struggling breaths once they did.

"W-what did he…? What has he done to her?" she asked, immediately. "Renkai…"

"The lady Mai and the lady Ty Lee were summoned to the Palace days after your flight," Renkai said, sharing the information so readily it startled Azula. "They were escorted back to their respective homes safely after they met the Fire Lord. That is the full extent of what I know."

A cold chill, unrelated to the rain, rushed through Azula's body: was he lying? Was he instructed to give her this answer? If she complied and visited Mai, would she find her disfigured, burned, mistreated in any way? Would she be watched relentlessly by soldiers, perhaps? Had her friend been forced into slavery? Was that what her father wanted her to see?

There was no way he would have sent her to Mai's house if he didn't have a plan in mind. No, there was something more to this, something dreadful she couldn't fathom yet, because that was who her father truly was. A man with dark instincts, with the cruelest of hearts, merciless with his enemies while ever pretending otherwise… would he send his secret assassin to kill her friend in front of her? What was he trying to do? What did he intend…?

"You cannot stay out here in the rain forever," Renkai spoke over her thoughts again, causing Azula to flinch. "And you cannot visit lady Mai like this, either. I will escort you to your room. You can ready yourself there: if you need me to send for servants to assist…"

"No. Don't. I want… no one. Don't send for anyone," Azula said, closing her eyes and gritting her teeth.

It always seemed to get worse. At every corner, at every given moment, something else, something nefarious, seemed to await her. Not following her father's orders would easily push him to act on his threat over Xin Long… following them, and discovering whatever dark fate he had forced upon her friend would probably do nothing but convince her that her train of thought, the one Renkai had interrupted with his sudden arrival, had been the right idea for sure. So many people would pay the price for her mistakes… how many had Ozai reached? How many lives would he destroy in this endless temper tantrum he had lost all control over?

"If you're certain," was Renkai's response. That he genuinely seemed willing to respect her wishes, as long as they didn't contradict the Fire Lord's, didn't escape Azula's notice. She eyed him warily, still pressed against the door, as her body cooled down gradually under her wet clothes.

"Why you?" she asked, scowling. "Is it because… because you're the only one who didn't join me? Is this your reward for choosing my father instead of me?"

"Standing in the rain with an umbrella, attempting to fulfill my orders and failing to do so, scarcely sounds like a reward to me," Renkai answered sharply.

Azula's eyebrows twitched at his blunt delivery, unusual in a man who had always been guarded and careful in his interactions with authority. Well, then… perhaps he simply had no intentions of acknowledging her as a figure of authority anymore. Of all the low blows she had received today, that one scarcely fazed her.

"I suppose it's all the same if you go like this, too," Renkai said. "Your friend may be concerned to see you in this getup, but if you prefer…"

"Stop it," Azula said, struggling to change positions, turning towards the refuge door again. "I… I'll go. Just… give me a moment, damn you."

Renkai didn't refuse her request, but he gave her no privacy either. The other soldiers lingered nearby, glancing at Renkai with uncertainty, buffeted by the drizzle that continued to pour upon them all. The Imperial Guard continued to extend the umbrella forward, covering the Princess's frame as best he could while she pressed her hands to the refuge doors again, a resurgence of tears threatening to overcome her, to fall heavily to the ground as the rain already did.

"I'm sorry, Xin… I'm sorry," she said. Her frail, trembling voice reached her dragon more easily through the bond of their minds. "Nothing I say will ever suffice… nothing I do will make up for this. I… I'm sorry. I swore… I promised you'd be free, and now…"

A low groan startled the soldiers: it was far more powerful than most sounds leaving the refuge over the past minutes. Azula only flinched, tears rising again as she clawed at the door, desperate to reach him, knowing she couldn't so much as attempt to do so: he didn't blame her. He had chosen to stay by her side, knowing they would face hardships beyond compare, because he loved her. She was his rider, and he was her dragon. Every chain around his body was a chain around her soul: she was just as trapped, just as much of a prisoner, as he was.

His thoughts didn't bring Azula any peace: she couldn't stop blaming herself. Spiraling, dark ideas swirled around her, convincing her, without her full awareness, that she had condemned all the people who had ever cared for her, everyone she had bonded with… nobody was safe. They were better off without her…

The loud roar this time caused Azula to flinch and shrink, guilt and shame clawing away at her as her fierce dragon refused to accept those conclusions, those beliefs. She was much stronger than this… he knew she was.

He would be free again, one day. He would be patient. He would wait. She wouldn't be alone forever.

Azula gasped, sobbing again despite herself: she would come back here, as many times as she could. One day, eventually, a solution, an idea, would come to her, and she would release him. He would be free to fly away, to escape from this wretched place…

And she would come with him, Xin Long interjected in her thoughts. Azula shook her head, but he insisted: she was his rider. They belonged in the sky, together. He would accept nothing else.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry," Azula managed to utter again, trembling violently. "I'll… I'll do everything I can, Xin. I will. I… I will keep you safe. Whatever I can do… whatever I must do, I…"

She'd have no choice, would she? Unless a miracle fell upon them from the heavens, among the rain that only gained strength with every passing moment, her free will was forfeit. Just as he'd said it, she was a prisoner, every bit as much as Xin Long was.

"I'll… I'll be back. Whenever I can come, I… I'll come to you," she said, and she closed her eyes before letting a strong, powerful thought echo into her dragon's mind: she loved him, dearly, and she wouldn't allow that wretched blade to drop to strike him, no matter what.

He whimpered softly, and warmth touched her very soul when Xin Long sent it her way: he loved her just as much. Whatever she did to survive, he'd understand… and if he had to die for her to be free again, he would send that blade down upon his own neck just as readily as Azula was ready to die for his freedom. All of which meant, in the end, that neither of them should die: they would live, broken and battered as they were, until they could break free from the darkness that meant to consume them.

Her dragon's thoughts couldn't fully persuade Azula… but they offered her the strength she had lacked so far. She swallowed hard as she finally forced herself back to a proper sitting position: she braced herself with a hand upon the door as she rose to her feet, her trembling legs still shaking as she whispered:

"I'll come back, Xin Long. I'll always be with you."

She barely knew how her heart continued to beat by now: it seemed ready to shatter for the umpteenth time as she stepped back, into the umbrella Renkai held out for her still.

"To your quarters, then?" Renkai asked. Azula swallowed hard but nodded softly.

Slowly but surely, everyone left. Her cousin, her mother, her brother, her advisors… everyone would leave, no matter if she pushed them away or clung to them, begging them to stay. Yet this time… this time they didn't want to leave. Xin Long, Rui Shi, all her guards, Song… Sokka. None of them wanted to leave. She could still hear his voice, calling for her, crying desperately at that harbor, begging her to come back for him… telling her to be strong, just as well. She had sent him away… and he had wanted nothing but to be with her until the bitter end, whatever that might be.

She wasn't the same child who had failed to mourn her cousin… she wasn't the same girl who had wanted to rejoice when her mother had vanished. She had outgrown her father's influence… she had seen the world; understood a thousand things she never knew before.

But even then, the outcome was the same: by her father's influence, by his power and choices, she would be isolated from everyone she loved. Utterly, hopelessly alone, just as she had been long ago.

"Shall we?"

Renkai's voice brought her back to reality: Azula brushed her forearm violently against her eyes, wiping off the tears she'd failed to contain as she faced the Palace… as she turned her back on her beloved dragon, imprisoned and forced into submission, just as helpless as she was. Maybe he'd forgive her, maybe he believed no forgiveness was necessary to begin with… but she knew she would never forgive herself. As weak as she felt, she had to keep going. She couldn't give up anymore… for Xin Long's sake, she couldn't even allow herself to even be tempted to do so.

She no longer knew where she had found the strength to run earlier: she nearly stumbled through the hallways, both her and Renkai dripping water all over the Palace corridors as they walked at a slow pace towards her room. He carried the closed umbrella in his hands, betraying no concern, no emotional investment whatsoever as he walked one step behind the Princess. It was all the better that he wouldn't talk, though… she didn't want him to. If it were up to her, he ought to disappear from her presence immediately… but if he would hold his silence this way, perhaps she could tolerate Renkai more than she initially expected to.

It seemed an eternity had passed when they finally reached her room: unwanted thoughts and memories flooded Azula merely upon stopping at the door. It had been replaced, she noticed… yet another job her father had taken care of while she was gone, then. It would be easier for him to have her locked up now, she suspected… but she welcomed regaining some of her privacy, regardless.

What she didn't welcome so much were the dark thoughts that shot through her mind, reminding her of how unsafe that very room had been but three weeks ago, when Renkai's fellow guards had busted the door open violently, when they had subdued her aggressively, when Fei Rou had performed the accursed purity examination on her…

Renkai raised a hand to the doorknob before glancing back at the corridor: the Princess lingered halfway there, trembling violently, seemingly unable to walk the remaining distance to her room. He breathed deeply before turning again, pushing the door open, without asking what was wrong.

Instead, he entered the room purposefully, leaving Azula to glare at the darkness within her chambers… darkness soon replaced by light when Renkai yanked the room's curtains open, allowing the day's pale brightness to drift inside. The shadows receded, revealing her bedroom appeared untouched, unaffected by the latest happenings. Had the servants cleaned it up, fixed it properly just as they did every day, right before her father had done away with them, in whatever sense he had…?

"There," Renkai's voice reached her before he stepped back into the doorway's path, exiting the room once more. "There's no one else within your room, if that concerned you at all. You can take your time to clean up and dress. Though… the sooner you're done, the better. The Fire Lord…"

"Won't be pleased if I delay this. What a surprise," Azula said, bitterly.

Against her better sense, she walked past Renkai, crossing the threshold into her bedroom for the first time in weeks, closing the heavier door behind herself. Strangely, standing inside the lit chamber brought forth more memories, yet far less distressing ones than the first to return to her mind… how many times had they tempted fate, fools that they were, by sneakily spending nights together here? That tunnel… no one had walked it more often than Sokka. He had fixed her hair for her for the very first time at her dresser… he had brought her flowers too, sitting by her side while she convalesced. She had spent a night sending messages back and forth with him, on the night when she discovered her father's assassin for the first time… she had created a joint artwork with him, on one of the last nights they had shared within this very room.

How difficult to hate this place… how dangerous to even try. For every dark thought, countless brighter ones seemed to counter them. For every impulse to reject this place, she felt beckoned by it all the same… for it had been a haven for years. It had been breached, broken, violated… but it was no less valuable for it. Just as she was no less valuable for all her latest sorrows… or so Xin Long wanted her to think.

Her gaze shifted towards the armoire: her shattered gold armor lingered there, a relic of a time that would never come back, much as the sword that sat beneath it. Would she ever brandish it again? Would she have the strength… would she have the need? She wasn't sure she could trust herself with her own weapon, truth be told… not when dark thoughts crossed her mind constantly, attempting to overcome what little determination to survive she still clung to.

So many memories swirled here, filling her with sorrow and loneliness… and with a strange hint of relief to know all of it had been real. She had lived… she had loved, and she had been loved in return. Whatever dreadful years she had left ahead of herself, the brightness of those days would never dim. She had fallen, crashing painfully, shattering in the process… but she could only fall that way because of how high she had risen indeed. That was something to cherish, painful as it might be.

Ambling awkwardly, she approached the armoire, trailing her hand over the scabbard of her sword, then over her broken armor too. Breathing deeply, she stepped towards the closet at the far end of the room: she seldom opened it herself, for her servants had typically selected her clothes and offered them for her to wear… a courtesy she'd no longer receive, of course. Of so many things she could miss, being served in that way didn't seem so important.

Finding everything took some time, but she eventually succeeded at assembling the necessary clothes for a simple enough attire. By then, her whole body trembled under the coldness of her clothes: her bathroom beckoned, and she made for it quickly, shedding her clothes right away. When had she last bathed? How long had it been? She couldn't tell apart the days anymore. All she knew was that a splash of water across her face seemed to slap her awake, snapping reality into a focus she hoped she could hold onto.

She scrubbed herself clean meticulously, perhaps too much. Her skin was reddened when she was done: perhaps she had enjoyed the friction's pain more than she should have. She rinsed everything off, whether the product on her hair or the soap upon her body, before filling her tub and sinking inside it: the water was cold, and she barely wanted to warm it at all, but she closed her eyes and allowed her bending, weakened as it was, to do the job for her. Yes, Renkai would be displeased over waiting so long for her to be done… but this was necessary, she decided, as she splashed more water on her face. Was it normal to still feel the trails of tears upon her cheeks, no matter how many times she had attempted to cleanse them …? She sighed, shaking her head over displeasure with herself as she soaked in the water for a moment longer… just a little longer. Long enough to evoke Sokka anew, memories that hurt and saved her on equal measure…

She only lingered in the water for about five minutes: the warm water lost its temperature easily by then, for she hadn't heated it remotely as much as she used to. Slowly, she rose out of the tub, reaching for her towel and bathrobe and stepping outside awkwardly: weakness permeated her every step, but she reached the clothes she had laid out earlier, slowly dressing in each garment until she was fully clothed. Her hair was still moist, wavy and slightly rebellious. She breathed deeply as she walked to the dresser, pulling a cabinet open in hopes to find a comb or a hairbrush…

That brought a sudden thought to mind. A thought she had set aside after the second night of their escape on the Barge… a thought that suddenly filled her heart with fear. The room looked impeccable, as though her father hadn't ordered his people to search it for further evidence of her unforgivable crimes. If he had been so preoccupied preparing traps for her dragon, perhaps the thought hadn't crossed his mind: what more evidence did he need anyway, considering she had confessed to her alleged crimes as boldly as she had?

Yet, if he hadn't ordered for her room to be searched, one of her most valuable treasures would still be here. Oh, it had to be, curses, she had no idea what she'd do if it wasn't, but it had to be…

Forgetting all about her hair, she rushed towards her nightstand, and her shivering hands pulled the cabinet open forcefully.

What she sought bumped against the cabinet wall after she yanked it open violently. But there it was… there it was. All her attempts to clean all sign of tears from her face seemed to go to waste as new ones sprung at the corners of her eyes: her fingers slid slowly into that cabinet… touching that smooth bone necklace delicately before she clasped it desperately, pulling it to her chest, raising it to her forehead… she had hung onto it for years, for as long as Sokka had given it to her, letting it comfort her in the worst of moments, offering her peace when darkness took hold of her heart and mind. She doubted it would be so helpful this time around… but it was effective enough in raising her spirits momentarily, if just because she hadn't lost it. If just because she could feel him closer now, whether she deserved to or not, through the small things he had left behind for her…

"Whenever your thoughts go astray, you can keep this close by to remember I'm fine, and safe, thanks to you."

Tears escaped her eyes again as she pressed a subtle kiss to the necklace, as she had in the past. He'd granted her one of his very last reminders of his tribe, of his family, so it could help her fight her demons… and it had become a talisman for her, something to cling to in order to retain her center, something she never should have let go of, no matter what. She wiped the tears forcefully, resolve surging in her heart: she would carry it with her for good, for she needed it more than ever right now, when she could no longer run in the shroud of nighttime to find him, to check on him personally and ensure he was still breathing. She would have to trust he was… she would have to believe in him, and to hope he still believed in her, too.

She returned to the bathroom, cleaning her face as best she could before glancing at her reflection in the foggy mirror: her disorderly hair fell in those careless waves that would no doubt grow more rebellious if she didn't deal with them right away. Dark bags surrounded her eyes… her cheeks seemed more hollow than usual, too. A sign of how long she'd gone without genuine nourishment, she guessed… her skin was paler too, taking a color she knew could not be healthy. The constant trembling of her hands, with which she braced herself before the mirror, didn't help matters much, either: redness colored the whites of her eyes, and she suspected it would for a long time, no matter if she regained her strength and motivation to take better care of herself than she had so far…

Rival emotions warred in her heart: she couldn't simply try to live at her best, not when Xin Long remained in that trap, unable to so much as move underneath those forceful chains. It wasn't only that she knew herself undeserving of a good life, of any form of happiness, when those she loved were in great peril… but even if she tried to reach for happiness, whether by Xin Long's request or with his approval, her father would stomp it out of existence before she could so much as graze it.

She shivered at the thought, gritting her teeth: Ozai wanted her alone, unable to count on anyone for anything, fighting by herself after she had grown so used to the friendships and bonds she had relied on for years. He wanted her broken, weakened… controllable. He wanted a simple pawn to use at will… someone who wouldn't think for herself, someone who would do anything to avoid his wrath, someone who lacked the strength to defend herself against his cruelty.

She wanted to give him no more reasons to act against her, for he had found her greatest weaknesses and intended to exploit them. His latest orders were no different: no matter if Renkai said Mai and Ty Lee had gone home safely, there was no way her father would give out such a command if he had no underlying intentions in mind. She wouldn't know what those intentions were until she got out of this room and met her friend, though… she had no other choice. Mai and Ty Lee might become Ozai's next hostages if she refused to go… if they weren't hostages already.

Her hairbrush waited on her dresser's cabinet once she reentered her room: she reached for it delicately, closing her eyes as she allowed herself to indulge in yet another memory, or thousands… every time he had brushed her hair, with a delicate kindness and attention to detail that not even the best of servants could emulate. The last person to brush it properly had been Sokka, right before they said goodbye.

Trembling still, Azula raised the brush with her right hand and ran it through her damp hair. Slowly, she smoothed each strand, undoing the knots, letting the tips of the brush scrape lightly against her scalp – he would have never lacked the delicacy to brush it smoothly without hurting her, but she couldn't hope to replicate his talent for this sort of thing, as evidenced by her failed attempt to compose a decent half-knot back in the airship, and yet another failed attempt now. It wasn't the first time she had tried to fasten her hair this way, but twisting her left arm back to tie it up caused her more pain than she cared to endure. After flinching one too many times, and finding far too many hairs falling out of place when she finished tightening the small bun, she grunted in frustration and settled for the easiest solution: she gathered all her hair, save the strands that ever framed her face, and tied it in a brash ponytail. Inelegant, no doubt… but she was past the point of caring.

The final touch was much easier, something she had always been able to do for herself, even if she lacked the motivation to do it properly anymore: a light layer of makeup would suffice, namely to hide away the intense color of the bags under her eyes. Next, the paint across her lips… she cringed upon glancing at her usual, favored color. No… she definitely didn't feel like wearing that intense hue now. What else could she use…?

Her heart seemed to sink when she caught sight of one color she had scarcely worn after using it quite constantly across a specific week. She gritted her teeth, reaching for it… and against all sense, she took it. Perhaps it would suit the ponytail better, too, considering that was what she had worn back then as well. She doubted she could hide away from her sorrows by reminiscing about the best days of her life… but letting herself remember how it had felt to be Jing might help her put a shred of distance between herself and her reality. It would be a respite she wasn't sure she deserved, but one she selfishly needed all the same.

There wasn't much left to be done: now she had to slip into her shoes and step outside again. Azula breathed deeply before doing as much slowly, fitting flat shoes on her feet rather than the strong boots that matched her black armor. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she breathed deeply and counted for a moment, just for the sake of calmness: she held the necklace in her hands, pressing it to her brow, before rising to her feet again and tucking it into a pocket. With that, she stepped towards the bedroom door.

Renkai guided her wordlessly to the Palace entrance: a palanquin awaited there, a sight both surreal and unreasonable under such a powerful downpour. Yet the eight palanquin bearers stood there, underneath the curtain of rain, with a whole slew of Imperial Guards as well. Azula stopped cold on her tracks, staring at Renkai with disbelief as he brandished the umbrella one more time.

"This is absurd," she said, curtly. "I can't go anywhere in this weather, Renkai."

"I'm afraid the Fire Lord won't accept that," Renkai said, simply, glancing at her through his helmet. "The weather may be inclement, but we cannot tarry. Rest assured, the umbrella will help, as will the palanquin…"

"I'm not talking about myself, I'm talking about you, all your fellow guards and the bearers that…"

She glanced at them again, just as she was trying to make her point, and she fell utterly silent again.

She couldn't recognize any of the bearers, either.

A violent shudder rushed through her body, almost threatening to knock her off her feet as she gasped, gazing at the soaked men in disbelief. She shook her head, over and over, as she glanced at Renkai again.

"Even… even them?" she asked. "The bearers, they… I barely even worked with them anymore. They served the Palace for…"

"For many more years than I have, that's for certain," Renkai finished, nodding. "Even them. The Fire Lord has been… thorough."

Azula gritted her teeth, tearing her eyes away from the guard before her. She didn't process yet that he sounded ashamed, displeased, unable to feign perfect tranquility the way he had so far… because, yet again, another reminder of her father's cruelty had knocked her world out of the very precarious balance she had been attempting to achieve. Curse him… curse him, truly. The palanquin bearers… how could he expect them to know of her relationship with Sokka if she had probably been carried by them about five times ever since she had returned from the Earth Kingdom with Xin Long, if not less than that?

She shivered and shook her head, rubbing her brow with her fingertips: everything was a threat. Every corner hid another dreadful surprise that would strike at her when she lowered her guard. It was her fault, in many ways… and yet it wasn't, just as well. Taking his wrath out on common people in this way… fickle children could still be told off, restrained if they took their misbehavior too far. Her father, however… there was simply no stopping his whims, no reasoning with him, no chance he would look back on his actions and admit he'd gone too far. She had learned that long before today, though… he didn't apologize. He didn't repent. He only demanded his own satisfaction, for no one's needs, no one's wishes, no one's lives, could ever be more valuable than his wretched, corrupted pride.

"Princess…" Renkai said: again, his voice brought her back to herself and she snarled while glancing at his umbrella.

"Let's… let's go," she said: whoever these new palanquin bearers might be, they'd have a difficult enough job avoiding Ozai's wrath for her to make it even harder by delaying the fulfilment of his orders.

Renkai's umbrella helped her remain mostly untouched by the rain when she climbed on the palanquin. Some of the droplets splashed on the floor and onto her legs regardless, but she made no mention of the matter as the bearers reeled back the curtains and helped her climb aboard. The faster they were done carrying her, the sooner they would have a chance to find refuge from the rain, or so Azula hoped.

Within moments, the whole retinue of guards escorted the palanquin down the Palace's long walkway, directed towards the walls. Rain rattled heavily against the roof of the vehicle and Azula sighed as she closed her eyes, letting the resulting coldness of the humid air seep through her very soul: marched by strangers towards the home of her childhood friend, she tried her best to prepare for the new blasts of her father's cruelty that were sure to strike at whatever was left of her sanity upon reaching Mai's house…

---

Mai's silent house usually grew livelier whenever Ty Lee dropped by for a visit. Not today, however: her friend had arrived moments before the storm had started, bearing news that had surprised Mai, and not in a good way.

"I can't be sure what that airship was, I know that, but… we saw it, me and Ran, from the backyard," Ty Lee said even now, almost an hour after she had arrived. "I know it's crazy, but I had the feeling immediately that… that it had to be about Azula."

"Most strange things happening in this damn city seem to have something to do with her, yeah," Mai said, breathing deeply as she rested with her head between her hands, her elbows resting on the kitchen table.

She usually preferred seeing her visitors in her private garden, but the weather made it impossible this time. The chagrin on Ty Lee's face as she had arrived at Mai's doorstep had immediately persuaded her to ask one of her servants to look after Yuudai while Ty Lee was here: even now, the young boy's voice could be heard downstairs as he played with his current caretaker.

"What are we going to do if… if it is her?" Ty Lee asked, shivering and glancing at Mai in desperation. "What are you going to do? Mai…"

"I'll do whatever needs to be done. With any luck, it's not her. With just a little less luck, she might choose not to see us at all, and then I won't have to fulfill my duties for the Fire Lord after all," Mai sighed, shaking her head. "Curse that family, I swear. I kept telling Zuko it was stupid, the feuds they had… now I realize Zuko and Azula were by far the least rotten of all apples on that tree, damn it. It's not like I thought the Fire Lord was a better man than this, but…"

"But to treat his favorite child this way…" Ty Lee said, swallowing hard. "To ask her friends to spy on her? It's… it's horrific. W-what do you think he'd do if…?"

"If I fail him?" Mai asked, raising her eyebrows. "I don't even want to think about it, to be honest."

"I get it… I don't want to think about it either," Ty Lee admitted, breathing deeply as she hung her head.

"Your life rides on my choices too, apparently," Mai growled, her brow furrowed. "I suppose he knows that those sorts of threats should make people even more willing to comply with his unreasonable demands, huh? Endangering those they care for to coax them into doing as he asks…"

"I just wish I… I wish I could do more to help," Ty Lee said, gritting her teeth as tears surged in her eyes. "I feel so useless…"

"You did warn me of the airship, so you're objectively not useless," Mai said, breathing deeply as she refilled her teacup and Ty Lee's in succession. "I didn't notice anything, didn't know about it until you dropped by."

"But he wants you to spy on her, and Azula is… if she's been captured, she's going to be so heartbroken, Mai. Y-you don't think they… t-they would've caught him too?"

"I… I don't know. I hope not," Mai said, gritting her teeth. "I'd rather neither one has been captured, really… but I don't think Sokka would survive if he ever let the Fire Lord take him as his prisoner. That he lived long enough to escape, if that's what happened, is already a damn miracle, as far as I can tell…"

Ty Lee sighed, shaking her head as she rested her elbows on the table, dropping her head on her forearms. The past days had been dark and unpleasant: even if the city seemed to be calming down at last, the mood hadn't changed enough to her liking. There were still too many patrols, too many soldiers… there were still countless unanswered questions hanging in the air. The day when the Fire Lord had summoned them still hung heavily inside their hearts, for they knew he expected much from them, from Mai in particular, and the punishment for failure would be just as merciless as everything he'd done to his children so far…

The footsteps of one of the servants caused Mai to raise her head and glance at the kitchen's threshold: the young woman fidgeted as she glanced at her with wide eyes.

"What is it?" Mai asked, curtly.

"T-there was… there was someone at the door, lady Mai, I suppose you couldn't hear from here," said the young woman, swallowing hard. "T-the… the Princess is here."

"What?!" Ty Lee gasped, jumping to her feet immediately. As explosive as her reaction had been, Mai's wasn't much more moderate.

"Azula? She's… she's at the door?" Mai said, rising to her feet as well. The servant nodded shyly.

"There's… a palanquin. Guards. I-I don't know what's happening, I was just told that… that the Fire Lord sent them," said the servant, grimacing. "S-should I send them a-…?"

"You're not going to send them away. That'd be insane," Mai said, shaking her head as she strode past the servant: Ty Lee didn't hesitate to follow, rushing after her friend as the servant lingered behind, befuddled by the situation.

"Azula…!" Ty Lee gasped, as the two of them rushed towards the open front door as quickly as their feet could carry them.

The rain still fell heavily on the Royal Procession that stood at their door. Only one guard stood out of formation, the one who had presumably knocked: the golden highlights of his uniform revealed he was of a higher rank than the rest.

"Lady Mai… and lady Ty Lee," said the guard, acknowledging them both immediately once they reached him. "I apologize for our sudden arrival. We would have sent notice that the Princess would visit you today, but the rain wouldn't allow it."

"The Princess…?" Mai repeated, swallowing hard. "Excuse my disbelief, I just… I wasn't expecting to see her anytime soon. Last we knew, she wasn't even in the city…"

"She has only just returned," the guard answered. "And the Fire Lord has requested that she visited you. We are merely fulfilling that request. He asked for you to be told, lady Mai, to remember what's expected of you."

Mai tensed up: Ty Lee flinched beside her, but Mai nodded in the end, choosing to show as little hesitation as possible. Words, actions, even small gestures, could be misinterpreted and twisted into signs of betrayal and disloyalty. She wouldn't allow this guard, whoever he might be, to return to the Palace with any reason to suspect her of foul play of any nature.

"Very well. I shall bring her now," the guard said: only then did the umbrella he held in his hands catch their eye. It seemed a most unusually domestic sight – who had ever seen a soldier with an umbrella like that before? – but his actions made sense once he stopped at the Palanquin's curtain, waiting for the bearers to pull them open before raising the umbrella towards the shape that hid within the vehicle.

Ty Lee nearly yelped, and Mai had to clasp her hand again, squeezing her fingers to restrain her friend as she swallowed hard anew. Even through the pouring rain, distorting the sight ahead of them, they couldn't possibly deny the truth: it was Azula. She was back… and while they were profoundly relieved to see her again, their dread rose on equal measure since they still understood very little of their friend's circumstances, both of how she had arrived here now, and how she had escaped and defied her father's demands, at a likely steep cost.

She struggled to climb off the Palanquin: the rain certainly made everything slippery, but the graceful, powerful gait of the Princess they had ever known was utterly absent. Instead, she walked slowly under the umbrella, as though second-guessing every step she took, every step that brought her closer to the two friends who waited anxiously for her. She didn't raise her head, though… she didn't seem to dare to do so, not even when she reached the door with her guard.

"I will send the Procession back to the Palace. They shouldn't linger out here in the rain indeed, as you said, Princess," the guard said: Azula remained unresponsive to his words. "I'll wait nearby until you're finished and send for them by then. Please, go ahead."

Azula hesitated, but she stepped forward after a moment, out of the umbrella and into the house's area. Mai and Ty Lee backed away, their hands breaking their link as Ty Lee impulsively reached for Azula's shoulder, guiding her further into the house. Mai nodded curtly towards the guard, who returned the gesture before turning around. Without waiting another moment, Mai closed the door…

"Azula!"

Ty Lee hadn't wasted another moment before hugging her friend without restraint: Azula gasped, her hands touching Ty Lee's arms and shoulders with uncertainty, as though she couldn't believe she was real.

"Keep it down… keep it down, Ty Lee," Mai said, breathing heavily as she stepped closer as well.

She wasn't one for such gestures of affection, never had been, but she couldn't hold back the urge to embrace Azula as well, over Ty Lee's arms. For all the years they had known her, never before had either of them felt an uncanny need to protect their friend, a friend who had always seemed larger than life, so confident and undefeatable, intimidating and powerful… everything they had ever taken for granted about Azula had been turned on its head as they felt her trembling in their arms, soft sobs shaking her as her tears spilled on both their shoulders.

"Y-you two…" Azula managed to speak through her tears, her voice so jarring it nearly broke Mai as well – and it certainly did break the sensitive Ty Lee, who tightened her embrace as she cried as well. "What did he do…? W-what's he done to…? A-are you alright, M-Mai, Ty Lee…?"

"We're fine. We're… we're okay, Azula, you don't have to worry about us at all," Mai said, rubbing her back gently. "But… we shouldn't talk here, should we? You… you came all this way, so…"

Her intent was clear: she couldn't trust that soldier by the door any more than Azula did. Her paranoia extended further than that, too: the Fire Lord could easily reach out to her servants, demand that they spied on her, just as she was supposed to spy on Azula. The less they could overhear, the better.

"It's so cold with all this rain… you could use some tea," Mai continued. To her relief, Azula breathed out and nodded against her shoulder, still unwilling to raise her head.

Mai's eyes scanned the corridor towards the kitchen, where she'd been sitting with Ty Lee before Azula's arrival: her servant stood there, watching them with wide, amazed eyes. Mai nodded quickly in her direction, and the young woman rushed towards her as quietly as possible.

"Yes, lady Mai…?"

"Please… stand here, by the door," she said, firmly. "Stay here and let me know if the guard outside needs anything, alright?"

"A-ah… yes, lady Mai," the young servant nodded, bowing her head towards her as she scooted out of the way: the corridor was now free for the three childhood friends to walk together, locked in the awkward embrace they had been in.

"C-come on, Azula… let's go," Ty Lee said, softly, unable to offer her friend even a faint smile.

Azula's physical instability grew apparent with each step they took: Ty Lee's grip around her tightened out of urgency rather than seeking to provide or offer comfort, for the Princess's legs seemed to threaten to give way at any moment. Mai's gaze raked her friend's unusual appearance: the lack of armor was unsurprising after her injury, though the choice in clothes was muted, lacking the opulent luxury that typically accompanied the Princess. Her sunken cheeks and the paleness of her skin implied weakness, illness, something that Mai had never truly seen in her friend before, not even as she convalesced over her fever or after her chi had been corrupted.

"Okay… okay, you're going to sit here, now," Mai said, softly, as she and Ty Lee pulled Azula delicately into the kitchen: there were enough available chairs for them to sit at, and Mai intended to fill a new cup with tea in hopes that it would bring some more strength to her weakened friend. "Then you'll calm down, little by little… and you'll tell us everything."

"N-no, no, I… y-you two have to… t-to tell me why he's sent me here," Azula said, sniffing as she took her seat carefully: her friends still held her, as though they couldn't trust she'd retain her balance on her own, not even once she was on the chair. "Why did he… what's he done to you? Mai… h-he wanted me to see you, but you're here too, Ty Lee… why? What's… what's happened to you both…?"

"I'm pretty sure our story's a lot less complicated than yours, but if you need to hear it, fine," Mai said, breathing out slowly as she glanced at Ty Lee. "Get another mug, please?"

Ty Lee nodded and rushed towards the cabinets as Mai reached for the still warm tea kettle. Azula breathed heavily, finally daring, it seemed, to raise her head and glance at them: Mai, standing beside her with the kettle in hand, raised her eyebrows when their gazes met, and Azula gasped in relief as she saw no signs of damage whatsoever on her friend's countenance.

"He… didn't hurt you. He didn't… did he?" she asked, turning towards Ty Lee now: her friend reached for a teacup with ease, with her usual flexibility. No noticeable damage there, either… "You're both… y-you're both okay? Y-your families… he didn't do anything to them either, did he? Ruon Jian, Yuudai, Haru…?"

"Everyone's okay, Azula," Mai said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "We're fine. The Fire Lord only… only summoned me and Ty Lee one time, to interrogate us about… about you."

Azula flinched, gritting her teeth. Ty Lee stepped up and placed the clean teacup before her friend: Mai poured the tea slowly, an uneasy silence lingering in the room before they took their seats at either side of Azula, their own tea forgotten by now, as they focused only on her.

"W-what did he…? W-what did you both say?" Azula asked, sniffing. "What did he ask…? What did he want to know?"

"We had no idea what was happening at first, actually," Mai started, biting her lip. "But… rumors have been spreading, Azula. Everyone knows what's happening in the city isn't normal, even though nobody knows for sure what's going on. The Arena went up in flames one day, right after the League was disbanded…"

"Nobody's heard from you in all this time. A lot of people… suspected you might have had something to do with it," Ty Lee admitted, gazing at her friend remorsefully. "The Fire Lord's palanquin and yours were seen nearby… you were taken there, right? S-so… people have guessed something's really wrong in the Palace. The city was kept under the Domestic Forces' control, anyone attempting to go anywhere near the Palace without permission would be beaten up or taken into custody, it was… it was gruesome. But we were summoned officially, so… so we could get in, just a little after the Arena burned down."

"The very next day, if I'm not mistaken," Mai said, breathing deeply. "Either way, Azula… his questions made it clear that… t-that he'd found out. About you and… about you and Sokka. That's what happened, right? What… what started all of this."

Azula swallowed hard before nodding, unable and unwilling to speak aloud. Ty Lee whimpered weakly at her admission as Mai gritted her teeth and placed a hand on the Princess's shoulder, delicately as to not affect her injury.

"We pretended not to have known… just like we told you we would, if worst came to worst," Mai said, breathing deeply. "But we couldn't convince him that we were completely ignorant of what was happening. I… I thought to claim we'd warned you against it. I mean, I did once, so it wasn't a complete lie… but it was a risky one anyway. I didn't know if he was going to twist my words into a confession of guilt too, so…"

"So…?" Azula said, trembling.

"I pretended we'd reported you to your guard captain Rui Shi, back when he was still the captain," Mai said, breathing deeply. "That we had expected him to do something about it. I know it wasn't right to do this, but… it seemed the only way to avoid your father's punishment at the time. I'm sorry if it was a mistake, but…"

"No… no, you didn't make a mistake," Azula said, breathing out slowly as she closed her eyes. "Rui Shi… he's on the run anyway. He… him and my other Royal Guards, they've left. They're… deserters now. What you said won't do his reputation any favors, but my father won't… h-he won't have any reason to question that you did what you say you did. It… it works. It'd have to work…"

"It did. He… he was ready to demote us into slavery if we said or did anything he could take issue with," Mai admitted, and Ty Lee flinched at the reminder of the Fire Lord's threats. "It seems that's what he was doing to… to most of the people he had questioned that day. We saw one getting carried away…"

"Slavery?" Azula asked, glancing at Mai quickly. "He… he didn't kill them? I thought…"

"I have no idea. Maybe he did kill some," Mai admitted, with a shrug. "He… he certainly seemed more than furious enough to do so. He probably wouldn't have given a damn if he killed anyone by accident, so… maybe he did it intentionally too."

Azula breathed deeply and shook her head: she placed her elbows on the table, resting her head on her hands. Ty Lee's hand reached out to caress her head gently, though she doubted any such gestures would offer her friend the slightest bit of comfort at this point.

"That's… not all, though," Mai said, swallowing hard as she gazed at Azula remorsefully: she didn't wish to add anything new to the Princess's heavy load, but the sooner she knew the full truth, the better. "You're not wrong to suspect or fear that he'd make demands and threats. He did ask for something… from both of us at first. He… he expects us to persuade you into doing anything he demands from you. But then he asked something from me alone, but he made it very clear Ty Lee would pay the price too if I don't deliver what he wants. She, and our families, I'd wager…"

"Of course," Azula snarled, shaking her head as she glanced at Mai through her tearful eyes. "What is it? What did he want?"

"It's the reason why you're here, I bet," Mai said, tightening a fist over the table. "He wants me to spy on you."

Azula's eyes widened. A soft scoff left her parted lips before long, and she tore her gaze away from her friend as she shook her head.

"Figures… figures. Of course he would… of course he would," she said, gritting her teeth. "Damn him. I… fuck, I hate him. I never thought I could hate him this much, I never thought I could hate anyone this much, but…"

"Azula…" Ty Lee said softly, wrapping her arms around her waist again as she pressed her head to her friend's shoulder. "W-we won't betray you. You know that, don't you? We…"

"No. No, you can't defy him. You have no idea what he's done, what he'll continue to do if… if anyone fights back," Azula said, shaking her head quickly. "You can't say no, you can't… y-you can't feed him false information either, because if he discovers you were lying, he'll kill you anyway, both to punish you and me, so… don't even think about it. You can't refuse."

"I didn't refuse, but Azula… what the hell am I even supposed to report back?" Mai said, looking at her in chagrin. "I'd probably be able to sell that you didn't reveal anything out of fear that we were under his thumb. It'd suit you well enough to stay guarded… you were so sure he'd done something to us right away that I could just as easily tell him that…"

"No!" Azula said, firmly. Mai frowned heavily as Azula shook her head. "No. If… if you don't do what he wants, he'll kill you. He'll kill… my dragon. He'll continue to destroy everything he wants, everything he can reach, just to torture me and teach me some fucking lesson I don't care to learn. You can't tell him… that you failed. If you do, you'll pay for it with your life… and I can't let that happen. I won't…"

Mai breathed deeply as Ty Lee pulled away, horrified by Azula's words. The situation wasn't easy, they'd both known as much all along… but what little Azula had given away so far had put a new spin on this chaos, one that worsened matters beyond their expectations.

"W-what did he do… to your dragon?" Ty Lee asked, her voice brittle as she spoke the last word. Azula's fists trembled on the table as she waited for another wave of misery to blow over, to rush past her, so she could speak again.

"He… captured him," Azula said, swallowing hard. "His soldiers chained him down, he'd set up a trap in his refuge so he could… so that he could seize him as soon as we returned. So now he's… he's kept under threat of death, and my father will act on it if I don't follow through with his demands. If I don't do whatever the hell he wants from me. M-maybe that's why he wanted me to come here now: to test you, Mai. T-to find out if… if you'll be a useful spy or not."

"What… how?" Mai said, frowning. "By… by seeing if we can persuade you into doing whatever he demanded from you?"

Azula nodded slowly, and Mai breathed out as she rubbed the bridge of her nose with her fingertips. Ty Lee reached for Azula's hand now, bringing it slowly towards the teacup that she'd left untouched so far.

"You… you should drink it, Azula," Ty Lee said, softly. "It should help soothe you, if just a bit…"

Azula gritted her teeth and lowered her head, but she complied by wrapping her fingers around the teacup. So much as raising the cup to her lips took all her willpower, and her body lurched with the urge to vomit even before she sipped the tea slowly.

"When was the last time you even ate?" Ty Lee asked. Azula huffed before shrugging.

"I… I don't know. Two days ago, maybe. Doesn't matter," she said, shaking her head. Ty Lee gasped.

"Azula… of course it matters. I know you're down, but you have to eat…" she said, but Azula scoffed.

"Doesn't matter because I threw it up again, is what I meant," Azula said, curtly, surprising Ty Lee. "I… I'm not hungry. Can't remember the last time I was."

"Well… Ty Lee's right," Mai said, breathing out as she rose to her feet. "Maybe there's some leftovers around here, anything simple you could eat…"

"Don't bother…"

"I'll bother for sure. You look dreadful, Azula. I wish I were messing with you by saying that, but I'm not," Mai said, looking at her friend over her shoulder. "You seemed healthier when you got hurt and your chi got corrupted than you do now."

"I'm not all healed from that yet, to begin with…" Azula whispered, but she didn't doubt Mai's words were accurate: she certainly felt worse now than she did on those days. She had still wanted to live… she had longed for it, even. She had been patient with her recovery, to a fault… all because he had still been there, beside her. Now she was stuck without him, by her own choice, and the devastation his absence inflicted upon her heart couldn't be undone.

"All the more reason why you should eat something, then. Otherwise, you'll never recover," Mai said, continuing to search through her kitchen slowly as Azula sighed.

Despite her better sense, she dared drink more of the tea: it awakened her stomach, causing pangs of pain that she struggled against. However long she'd gone without food, she suddenly wondered if she could simply exist without eating at all. If her stomach was so unpleasant over a drink, it would only worsen with actual food…

"What… what am I supposed to be persuading you to do, anyway?" Mai asked, as she finally found a bowl with leftover rice: it was cold, so she poured it on a pan before starting the furnace lightly to warm it up, somewhat. It would be an unnecessary courtesy under any other circumstances, but she couldn't even ask or expect Azula to warm up her own meal when she was in this state of physical weakness and emotional devastation. "You already know what happened to us… so what happened to you? At least… share whatever you feel like sharing. As much as you're comfortable with. We'll decide on what I can tell your father later, if you want…"

"You'll… have to say a lot to get him off your back," Azula whispered, setting down the teacup again, half-drained now. She squirmed against the irksome sensations in her gut, but she intended to endure them. It was somewhat nice to feel physical pain, to focus on that one rather than on the one that dwelled in her heart. "But… above all, right now he just… he just wants to be able to discard me. That's all… all he cares about anymore."

"But you're… you're his daughter, you're his heir…" Ty Lee said, and Azula huffed again.

"You know, just as well as I do, that some parents don't give a shit about their children," she said, bluntly. Ty Lee grimaced as she lowered her gaze. "He's… he's no better than your parents, Ty Lee. If he can get rid of me and have nothing to do with me again, he will. He… he won't even let me call him my father anymore, apparently, so…"

"He won't?" Ty Lee asked, eyes widening. "B-but…"

"But I was his favorite? I was the kid he liked, and Zuko the one he despised? Yes, that's true," Azula said, bitterly. "Look where that got me in the end. As far as he's concerned, I'm just… a broodmare now. All he wants is to marry me off, force me to have a child so he can raise that one as his heir, controlling them completely, more than he ever controlled me. Once he does have that… he'll probably get rid of me, as far as I can tell."

"So… I'm supposed to help him achieve that?" Mai asked, glancing back at Azula with unusually distraught eyes. "Help him get rid of you? That's… Azula, that's madness. I can't…"

"You don't have much of a choice, do you?" Azula said, frowning. "Unless we can come up with some way to convince him that you tried your best to persuade me and I was too stubborn to listen…"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Mai said, scowling. "If you think we can't put up a pretense like that… are you trying to say you're going to submit, Azula?"

"You can't!" Ty Lee gasped. Azula shook her head dismissively.

"Makes no bloody difference anymore, he'll have what he wants, one way or another," Azula hissed. "If I continue to rebel, if I do anything else to oppose him, he'll kill my dragon and by then, he might as well kill me too. I… I'm not worth his life, damn it. I'm not worth anyone's lives. But he knows that I'm trying to take the brunt of his rage by myself, and that's exactly why he's unleashing it upon anyone who ever meant anything to me. He'll push and push until I break, whether by giving him what he wants or by killing myself because I can't stand it anymore…"

"Don't even say that…!" Ty Lee said, her eyes tinged with horror as Azula stopped talking indeed.

"I… I'm sorry, Ty Lee. As things are right now, I… I've thought about that more times than you can imagine," she said, gritting her teeth to restrain her tears as best she could. "And with my body as it is, maybe I'm going to die sooner than later anyway, if I can't seem to digest a shred of food…"

"You'll digest that rice!" Ty Lee said, desperate. "Y-you'll… you'll get through this, Azula. Oh, I know it's horrible, I know you're heartbroken, but you have to, Azula! Y-you're… you're too strong, you always were, you…"

"I'm not sure about how strong I once was… but I'm pretty sure I'm not strong at all anymore," Azula said, shaking her head.

"Did… did you save him?"

Mai's question struck Azula painfully, as though her friend had tossed one of her knives at her rather than words. The Princess flinched, lowering her gaze as retaining the tears became a much more difficult chore than before.

"I… I did," she admitted. Mai huffed and turned to face her, a stern frown on her face.

"Then… he's alive, and your dragon's captured, but still alive. It means you can keep going, if just for now, because the two most important people for you are still worth fighting for, aren't they?" said Mai. Azula huffed again.

"What the hell am I supposed to be doing to fight at this point, Mai?" Azula said, gritting her teeth as she brushed the tears off with a hand. "Either I comply or I don't, and the price is too painful to endure if I don't. And if I comply… then that means I… I'll betray him. If I have to take a husband, anyone but him, I… I'll want to die for every damn day I have left to live. If I don't, it's the same damn thing if it results in Xin Long's death, so I'm stuck, okay? I'm trapped, I can't… there's no winning scenario, there's nothing I can do to turn the tides on my father, not this time, not anymore. He's… he's broken me. He's done it. The least I can do is face the truth. If I try to pretend otherwise… it'll only make me more vulnerable to whatever he chooses to inflict upon me next."

"But… goodness," Ty Lee said, covering her mouth with a hand as she shook her head. "I mean… I'm happy you said you'd saved him, we were scared of the worst, so that much is good, Azula, but…"

"I couldn't… couldn't let him die, even if he damn near did," Azula said, swallowing hard as the burning memories of that inferno returned to her mind… "My father had him beaten half to death and tossed in the Prison Tower, after… after the damn purity examination was done. He'd sent his men to lock Xin Long inside his refuge, he couldn't help me, couldn't help Sokka either…"

"Oh, Azula…" Ty Lee said, tears flowing down her face again at Azula's confessions.

"How?" Mai said, scowling. "It's not like you two were the most careful people in the world, fine, but… how could he find out? How could anyone have revealed to him something damning enough that he'd do a blasted purity examination on you?"

"Well… we were fools. That's for sure," Azula said, breathing deeply and shaking her head. "It was Iroh, apparently. He…"

"Your uncle?!" Ty Lee exclaimed. Azula shrugged, burying her face in her hands.

"My father said that. Beats me… I guess it's got to be the truth. The bastard vanished afterward, for all I know," Azula said, grinding her teeth together before sighing again. "We just… made a stupid, stupid mistake. We thought we hadn't, but… Iroh found out because we were careless. I guess he… he saw us, right after Sokka defeated… d-defeated Toph. He must have seen something damning enough indeed, so… he ran to my father with the story right away, I suppose. Then my father… the bastard had the nerve to want me to claim that Sokka had… t-that he'd done it all against my will. He'd rather I'd been raped just so his fucking ego wouldn't be wounded. Just so he could turn me into a victim, so he could have Sokka executed immediately… I refused. I… I told him the truth. I've told him the truth non-stop ever since."

"Azula…" Mai said, gazing at her in disbelief. Azula raised her head slightly, tears blinking in the corners of her eyes.

"He… he decided to force me to marry Zhao," Azula said, and Ty Lee gasped beside her. "Beats me why… I guess he thought his best friend would be a better heir than me, it's bound to be as simple as that. But Zhao… he doesn't want me. He didn't want me then either, so he… he stalled, I guess, by coming up with the blasted execution method for Sokka… he claimed he'd give him a more dignified send-off if he was allowed to fight back, see. And as the condition for my hand in marriage for all these years was… was meant to be by triumphing against my gladiator, he seemed to think it was only fitting. His gladiator against mine…"

"That's what happened in the Dome?" Ty Lee asked, her jaw dropping. "S-Sokka… fought Combustion Man? And he survived?"

"He… he did. He nearly didn't," Azula said, swallowing hard. "I nearly didn't, either. Combustion Man did die, though…"

"Wait. You're… you're saying Sokka killed that guy?" Mai asked, stepping closer, her hands on the table as she stared at Azula in utter disbelief. "The… the undefeated gladiator, at the top of the ranking?"

"He… he did," Azula admitted, closing her eyes. "We had a plan for how to defeat him… though we were supposed to make it safer, but we didn't have time to work out any solutions that might be less dangerous. He just… pulled out his new bombs and tossed them at Combustion Man. They were filled with volatile gas, from the Northern Air Temple's mountains, highly condensed within the bombs, so… when they were detonated by Combustion Man's attack, they unleashed… that inferno."

"That… that's insane, Azula," Mai said, her eyes wider than usual. "That sort of weapon… it destroyed the whole building. There's nothing but the foundations left now, some debris…"

"A few nearby houses were on fire too, but they could be salvaged, at least…" Ty Lee said, horrorstruck still as she gazed at Azula. "B-but… how did you save Sokka? Wasn't he in the ring too…?"

"Xin Long… Rui Shi released him after my father imprisoned him, initially," Azula whispered. "With all the stuff that happened since the truth was out, I guess my father neglected having anyone feed or check on my dragon… he didn't realize he'd been out of the refuge for days when the fight happened. Xin dove down… I leapt onto his back, and then we snatched Sokka out before the fire got to him. We… we nearly didn't make it, but Xin managed to get us out, and… and then we left."

"But you came back," said Mai, swallowing hard. "Why did you…?"

The scent of lightly burning rice startled her: she had to race back to the furnace to put out the fire carefully. Azula swallowed hard as she held her silence briefly, pondering just how much she should say… how much was worth explaining. It wasn't merely a matter of protecting her friends by ensuring they knew as little about this catastrophe as possible… it was also a matter of not knowing how to vocalize the rest of her painful tale without breaking again in the process.

"Okay, crisis averted…" Mai sighed, once she returned to the table with the rice, a light film of steam rising from it. "Better wait until it cools a little, I guess… but anyway, you did get away. What the Fire Lord said was that your guards had somehow gained control of your Barge and escaped with you there? It's… strange, and confusing, but he seemed so certain that had happened…"

"It did," Azula confirmed, breathing deeply as she glared at the rice before her. Even if it hadn't burned lightly, she would have found it utterly unappetizing. "They… we wouldn't have made it anywhere if my guards hadn't helped. Even under General Shaofeng's scrutiny, they managed to prepare the Barge in secret, then they took it out of the bay on the night before Sokka's fight. I don't really know how they did it… but they started working on that plan long before we even knew the fight would happen. They… they wanted to break Sokka out of prison, to escape with him that way, and I'd join them eventually too, but… but after another confrontation I had with my father, he set up guards inside my room and at Sokka's cell, and… and our chances of escape grew slimmer. So… so that was all we could do in the end. Just a moment later and we might have died in that fire too, as Combustion Man did…"

They might have died, yes… and somehow that didn't seem like the worst of all possibilities to her, all of sudden. Yet again, she couldn't help but wonder if this was the reason why there were so many stories where the tragic lovers died together: it was easier to sacrifice themselves than to keep living in a world that would only allow them to live by forcing them apart…

"Well, we're all glad that didn't happen," Mai said, sitting across Azula now as she scrutinized her carefully. "But then… you stole off the Barge and returned on an airship? Please… tell me they didn't catch you. You said you'd saved Sokka, so… what about your guards?"

"They should be safe too… I hope," Azula whispered. "If… if Zhao didn't double-cross me. He's the one who found me… while I was on the Barge's deck, alone. I'd… sent the guards away by then. And we'd already taken Sokka to…"

"To the South Pole?" Mai asked, softly. Azula breathed deeply but nodded.

"He's… with his family, then?" Ty Lee asked. "Oh… I know how horrible all this is, Azula, but that was the best choice you could've made for him. It must be hard, but…"

"It is… but I know it was," Azula said, nodding. "Only… I know my father's bound to attempt to search for him there. To… t-to burn down the whole Pole if that's what it takes to kill him. So… it was also a terrible choice. But he would've assumed I'd taken him there even if I hadn't… this way, they'll know what's coming. Maybe… maybe he can help them prepare defenses. He's more than smart enough… he'll come up with something, for sure."

She breathed deeply, taking the teacup again and draining what was left of it. She hadn't thrown up so far: that was a good thing. A surprising thing, too, considering how poorly she had stomached anything she had ingested over the past days. She finished it and released that heavy breath, gazing at the rice now. A light film of steam still rose from it, but she guessed she was better off starting to eat it by now…

"My guards, they… they're not with him," she said, swallowing hard. "I have no idea where they went, truth be told. They took one of the emergency skiffs… and the hot-air balloon they flew in, Sokka's balloon. I… asked them not to tell me where they intended to go, that way, even if I was interrogated or tortured, I still wouldn't be able to give away their location. Could be they went to the Earth Kingdom… maybe they went back to the South, I don't know. Might be they stayed in the Air Nomad mountains instead… maybe they'll just be on the move so my father can't find them. But in the end, I… I was alone on my Barge when Whaletail Island's patrols found me. Then Zhao came along, and… and I boarded his airship once he called off the search for my guards. It was my condition for going back… though I intended to go back from the start anyway. Might be it was just a temporary thing; he'll probably go back on his word now that I'm here… same as my father has. Zhao brought me back, I… I returned just today, and that's when Xin was trapped in his refuge. I was… I was confronting my father, then suddenly I…. I felt everything. How he was chained down, how every gate was closed, how a damn blade hovers above him… to kill him instantly if I make a single mistake in my father's eyes."

"Curses… Azula, why did you even come back?" Mai said, looking at her in chagrin. "Don't get me wrong, it could've been catastrophic if you hadn't, too, but… but you have no idea how bad he can get, or do you? What he did to Zuko… he must have thought that was child's play. It was meaningless to him, even if it destroyed his son's life. Everything he'll do to you, Azula… it'll be a thousand times worse if he can get away with it. And he'd have better chances to get away with it if you're near him."

"If I stayed… if I'd stayed with Sokka, what do you think the outcome would have been?" Azula said, gritting her teeth. "We… we wouldn't have lasted for two months. He would've sent his whole navy at us, the airships too, and then what? The Southern Water Tribe would have been destroyed. If I'm here… even if he tries to attack, he may just choose to send less soldiers, less forces. They'll have a fighting chance this way. It'll be easier. They won't be… harboring a fugitive Crown Princess. He can't pretend I was dragged away against my will to rile up his forces…"

"He can still pretend the tribe's responsible for your disgraces, somehow," Mai said, frowning. "Even if it makes no sense. But… I guess your presence here could mitigate the damage, to a fault, the urgency of his actions, too. He might be less desperate to do it if you're already here…"

"That's what I hoped for," Azula said, breathing deeply and lowering her head. "I thought I could handle it… I was wrong, though. If… if it wasn't Xin Long, it'd be you two. If not you two, he'd find something else, someone else, anything to threaten me into submission and defeat. He might not burn me directly as he did Zuko… but he'll burn everything I care about to ashes if that's how he'll get what he wants. As much as I want to fight back… I'm not ready to immolate you all just to defy my father. I can't do it."

"But what other choices do you even have?" Ty Lee said, shaking her head as Azula sighed, reaching for the bowl and seeking chopsticks with her gaze. "You can't do what he wants you to, Azula. That… that would kill you, even if the rest of us survived…"

Mai rose to her feet, seeking a set of wooden chopsticks in a drawer and handing them to Azula, who nodded in silent gratitude before daring bring a few grains to her mouth: it should have tasted right, even if somewhat smokey, but Azula found it disgusting instead. She gritted her teeth and forced herself to swallow, all be damned, as Ty Lee shook her head still, beside her.

"You can't do it. You can't marry whoever he… he doesn't want you to marry Zhao again, does he?" Ty Lee asked, eyes wide.

"Who else?" she said, after swallowing the first grains with difficulty. She breathed deeply a few times before speaking again. "I don't want to obey, Ty Lee, but short of killing the man and landing myself a prison sentence or an execution for it, I have no idea what I'd do to stop it. I… I can't even conceive the damn idea, but if I say I won't do it…"

"He's going to destroy everything he can get his hands on just to make you break," Mai finished, sighing and shaking her head. "This is… it's an appalling situation, Azula. I mean, I'd offer to help you escape right now, but…"

"Then he'd kill you for it. If not you, your family, your parents, your brother, anyone within his reach," Azula said, grimacing as she tried to eat some more rice – her stomach seemed to twist and turn for it. "Nobody… nobody can help me. If someone does, whoever they may be, he… he will take it out on them. I've escaped his worst before, more than once. But I don't think there's anything I can do… anything I could try to do to stop him from getting his way this time. Most Crown Princesses in history have been through this too, in the past… forced to marry someone they didn't want, someone thrice their age, over whatever political value they held for the Fire Lord. It's… it's disgusting that my father's sticking to that horrible tradition, but it suits him, doesn't it? Whatever he wants, he gets, no matter who he must sacrifice in the process…"

Ty Lee gritted her teeth and dropped her head against Azula's shoulder: her denial seemed stronger than Azula's… probably because she couldn't feel Xin Long's agony directly. Probably because her father, cruel as he had been, too, didn't have the full resources of a nation at his disposal, and the willingness to misuse them however he saw fit just to punish her. Probably because she wanted to believe, even though everything seemed to suggest otherwise, that her friend had a better chance for happiness in her future than she actually did.

"What are your options? Objectively speaking," said Mai, sighing as she rubbed her temples with her fingertips. "You… marry Zhao, or you don't? Depending on how you refuse, the consequences will be more or less severe. If you want to save your dragon, you'd have to break him out of his imprisonment before refusing your father… and then he'd likely still demand for him to be hunted down. Those of us in the Capital who have a personal relationship with you would either have to escape with you, or face the Fire Lord's outrage directly…"

"It's not even an option," Azula said, bringing more rice to her lips, but a stirring, twisting sensation seemed to warn her to stop now. She hesitated for a moment before forcing herself to eat the rice after all: she'd starve herself at this rate, and she wasn't sure that should be an option, either.

"Your father wants an heir, at all costs, anyone to replace you," said Mai, breathing slowly. "Can you… persuade him to take a new wife?"

"If he hasn't wanted to do that over the past fifteen years, or however long it's been since my mother vanished, do you really expect I'd convince him of it now, when I'd just be doing it to get myself out of this mess?" Azula asked, skeptical.

"All things considered, he's wound up hating both you and your brother," said Mai, grimacing. "Why would he want either of you as his heirs anymore? Wouldn't it be easier if…?"

"If he had a new child, one he tormented and tortured far more than he did me?" said Azula.

"It wouldn't be you, though," Mai said, simply. Azula shook her head.

"I won't… can't do something so selfish and callous. No," she said, gritting her teeth.

"Then what? You're going to marry Zhao after all?" Mai asked, raising her eyebrows as Azula's gut twisted again: she raised a hand to her mouth, covering it as she cringed, whether at Mai's last question or the torment of her stomach, she didn't know. "You… you wouldn't be able to live with yourself, Azula, we all know you wouldn't…"

"I… wouldn't, no. I don't… don't think I can do it. Just the idea makes me…" Azula said, grimacing again before falling silent: a wave of sickness washed over her, and she cringed before pushing herself up with a start.

"Azula…?" Ty Lee gasped as her friend strode clumsily through the kitchen.

Mai jumped to her feet as well, following Azula with her gaze as her friend rushed to the nearest window: she pushed it open with unnecessary force, and the rain poured down mercilessly still as she stuck her head outside it.

Everything she'd ingested returned to the outside world as easily as that. Her body shivered and trembled with the force of her retching: Mai and Ty Lee, gasping in horror, had to help her stand upright, ensuring her hair wouldn't flip over her face while she was throwing up… though, by now, her whole head had been soaked in the rain, and would continue to be as the water sprayed her while she waited for the sickening sensations to diminish.

"Azula, for crying out loud…!" Mai gasped, looking at her in disbelief. "I could've given you something else, if…!"

"You're all wet now, Azula…!" Ty Lee said, desperate. Mai huffed, shaking her head as she flipped Azula's ponytail towards Ty Lee.

"Hold her. I'll get a towel," she said. "She's going to need a bath after this, damn it…"

"Yeah, I… I guess so. Oh, Azula…" Ty Lee grimaced: despite she had already relieved herself of most her scarcely ingested food, another lurching sensation caused the Princess to heave out more of her stomach's contents, lacking as they were.

Oddly enough, the rain that fell upon her head scarcely discomforted her. If anything, the coldness seemed to ease her head, to a fault… a strange surprise to be found in her rash decision. Yet again, her stomach had refused to accept any nourishment… the realization that she had accidentally stuck her head out in the rain by sheer impulse compelled her to do something she hadn't for days: she laughed.

"Azula…?" Ty Lee asked: oh, her friend would worry she was losing her mind, and at this point, Azula wasn't entirely sure she remained entirely sane: she had plenty of reasons to lose her mind indeed, and next to no reasons to laugh at all… so she laughed anyway, as the waves of queasiness eased and settled down gradually.

"I… I'm sorry," she said, after coughing a few of her last laughs. "Oh, this is absurd… this is so stupid, Ty Lee…"

"You're not okay… oh, Azula," Ty Lee groaned, rubbing her friend's back gently as Mai returned, a towel in her hands.

"You done now?" Mai asked. Azula hummed as she rose slowly, withdrawing her head from the window.

Mai wasted no time dropping the towel on Azula's head, attempting to dry her as best she could, not quite as delicately as she should have, not quite so forcefully as to make things worse. Azula only lingered in place, feeling her hair slowly falling out of its ponytail and letting her friend take care of her, for she had no doubts she'd fail to look after herself if she so much as tried. She hadn't done much of a good job of it over the past few days…

"There. Feeling better?" Mai asked, withdrawing the towel. Azula hummed again as she weighed her answer, breathing slowly as her body normalized again.

"Just a bit," Azula admitted, after a moment, the towel resting over her shoulders.

"Does something else hurt, Azula?" Ty Lee asked, as she helped guide her back to the table. "You could have a more serious problem than we thought if… if you're throwing up like this…"

"Well, option number three… my body's trying to kill me," she recited, simply, dropping on her chair again. "And I'm not sure I have a clue of how to stop it… or the motivation to even try, either."

"Don't… don't, Azula, please…" Ty Lee said, wrapping her arms around her friend and pressing her head to her right shoulder again. "It's not funny, don't say it…"

"I'm not sure why it was funny to stick my head out in the rain… but I'm not saying this to be funny," Azula said, breathing out heavily. "I… don't know what's wrong with me. I mean, I know there's a thousand things wrong with me, objectively speaking… I've never been so miserable. And yeah, might be I brought all this puking upon myself… maybe my body's just rejecting food out of principle now because I didn't want to eat for days. But if I can't keep anything down, I… I'm going to die regardless of whether I choose to give my father what he wants or not, won't I?"

"No, no, just no…!" Ty Lee said, squeezing her tighter. Azula sighed, patting her friend's shoulder gently.

"I'm sorry, Ty Lee…"

"This doesn't make sense!" she said, looking at Azula in chagrin. "W-whatever's wrong with your body, we'll help you treat it. Maybe… maybe your father will give you some more time when he knows how sick you are. We could use this… t-to save you from that horrible marriage for a little longer. Right?"

"I… I don't know," Azula admitted, though the idea sounded tempting… just as it sounded impossible. "I don't expect he'll accept it. He'd likely decide I'm inducing myself to vomit as some sort of tantrum and just… force me to do it anyway."

"But still…" Ty Lee complained, gritting her teeth.

"When did this start, Azula?" Mai asked: her eyes gleamed with a hint of fear, of uncertainty, but shaken as she was, the Princess failed to recognize it.

"What… all this vomiting nonsense?" Azula asked, breathing deeply. "I… I don't know. On the airship, I think."

"You've always flown a lot… and sailed, too," Ty Lee said, grimacing. "But you never got sick from it…"

"Pretty sure this isn't motion sickness of any sort," Azula whispered. "It's… probably just another reflection of how utterly fucked up I am after… after the last months. I'm a wreck, that's the truth of it. This is just the way my body's exteriorizing it now. If the Head Sage tried to read my chi, he'd take back everything he said about how extraordinary my recovery rate was…"

"We'll help you somehow. Surely we can, Azula, there's got to be something you can eat that won't bother you… or maybe you can eat slowly? I don't know, but…" Ty Lee whimpered, and Azula sighed, reaching out to clasp her friend's hand.

"Calm down, Ty Lee… just take it easy. I… I'll be okay, somehow," she lied. She sincerely doubted she'd ever be okay again, in any possible sense…

"Azula…" Mai called her: her eyes were closed in a knowing, foreboding way. Now Azula did find her friend's behavior unusual, her voice tone more ominous than it had been all through their conversation. "When was the last time you drank the tea?"

"The…?"

It took a moment, one that extended for far longer than it should have, for the meaning of Mai's question to truly sink in.

All of Ty Lee's whimpering froze cold suddenly, as did Azula's pessimistic thoughts. For suddenly, a new possibility, one that had crossed no one's mind, had presented itself.

The timing for it couldn't have been any worse.

"N-no. No, Mai, that's…" Azula said, as Mai brought her hands to her lips, her fingers intertwined.

"You had some left, you said so, when I told you about the parasite," Mai recited, swallowing hard. "I got a new batch from my aunt… only about a week ago. You were long gone by then, so… obviously I couldn't give you more before you took off. Did you… did you have any reserves left on your ship? Did you…"

A shrill gasp escaped the Princess, silencing Mai immediately. Despite she was sitting, it seemed as though Azula might fall unless someone held her, and Ty Lee took to doing so.

No. That wasn't possible. That couldn't be happening…

"Azula, calm down…"

"No. No, Mai, no!" Azula shouted, nearly slamming a fist on the table as a new surge of tears, this time of desperation and fear, flooded her eyes. "That's not…! It's not what this is, it can't be, it…!"

"Shh! Lower your voice," Mai hissed, stepping around the table to approach Azula: Ty Lee, clinging to the Princess and keeping her upright on equal measure, trembled as tears of her own streaked down her cheeks. "Azula, just… tell me. It could be I'm wrong, and if I am, this has nothing to do with your condition and there's nothing to worry about. Maybe it's not been long enough for symptoms yet, so it's unlikely that…"

"I haven't… I haven't had the tea since the fight," Azula said, shivering violently.

"The… the fight against Combustion Man?" Ty Lee asked nervously.

Azula shook her head, though. The two young women gasped as Azula snarled, reaching up to her chaotic hair, yanking it harder than she should have.

"Since the fight against… Toph," she said.

Mai drew in a trembling breath before dropping on the empty chair next to Azula. Ty Lee glanced at her, fearful: was that long enough? Inexperienced as she was in matters of pregnancy, she couldn't know…

"That's… about three weeks ago, maybe," said Mai, gritting her teeth. "Might not be enough time… but I can't be sure. This isn't something I'm an expert on, anyway… but it's easy enough to know for sure if your period's not missing. If you had it, then this whole possibility is out of the question, Azula, so…"

"My… heh. Fuck," Azula said, trembling again as a nervous smile spread over her face. "I… I have no idea when it happened last. I… I don't remember, I…"

"Oh, Azula…" Ty Lee said. Mai snarled.

"Hell, maybe after the crisis with the chi corruption your cycle was thrown off completely," Mai theorized. "But… if it happens sometime soon, it means you're not pregnant. Then you… you wouldn't have to worry. So just pay attention and…"

"And what if I am?" Azula asked, her voice grave, blunt, even if powered with emotion. "What the fuck am I going to do if I am, Mai? I… I can't. I can't have a child. It's not… it's not even because of all the reasons why I used to say I didn't want one: right now…!"

"You'd be in for an even worse living hell if you're with child, yeah," Mai admitted, breathing deeply. Azula continued to shake her head repeatedly.

"There's nothing I could do, if he finds out that I'm with child then… it'll be obvious it's Sokka's. And then… t-then he's going to kill me, or he'll wait until the child's born and kill…!"

"He couldn't…!" Ty Lee gasped, but Mai shot her a warning glare.

"At this point, Ty Lee?" she said. "We cannot ever pretend there's anything he wouldn't do. Look at how far he's pushed Azula: don't assume there's any shred of mercy left in a man who'd do this to his favored daughter."

"He wouldn't… he wouldn't hesitate," Azula said, shaking her head. "If it's Sokka's child, he won't give a damn if it's bound to be the most extraordinary child in the world, he's going to… he's going to…"

"Calm down, Azula. Breathe. This isn't a sure thing yet," said Mai, gritting her teeth. "I'm far from an expert at this, even if I have a kid of my own, alright? You'll need someone with more experience to examine you and confirm if…"

"No, no, no. No one… no," Azula said, shaking her head rapidly. "I won't allow it. No one's ever… going to examine me that way again. No one's… no one can find out, and I don't trust anyone to keep their mouths shut outside this room, so…"

"She's… she's not wrong," said Ty Lee, eyeing Mai warily. "Even if there's some way to find out that wouldn't require an invasive physical examination, if she goes to someone, and her father finds out what she's looking into…"

"True, but there's got to be someone left you can trust, if just…" said Mai, and Ty Lee nearly jumped as she gasped and looked at Azula expectantly.

"Song! You could get her help, if…"

"I have no idea where she is," Azula said, curtly. Ty Lee's enthusiasm waned immediately. "Rui Shi… took her to safety, and he didn't tell me where she is. It's for her own good: if my father did everything he did to his own Palace staff, who were actually unaware of what was happening, he… he'd be a thousand times worse to Song. Because she did know… he'd guess as much, anyway. I can't even try to find her. Not with so much at stake, and I… I'll never go to Fei Rou. Ever."

"O-okay, then not him. That's okay, Azula…" said Ty Lee, swallowing hard as Azula breathed deeply, shaking her head.

"This can't be happening. It can't be," she whispered, running her fingers through her hair again. "I… I can't have a baby. I know it's… I know it's Sokka's, but I can't. Not in this situation, not when I'm already on the edge of a damn cliff. If I even tried, it… it would never work out. I don't even know how I'd handle this, I…"

"Well, it's early enough," said Mai, swallowing hard. "You have… a few options, if this is truly happening."

"Options? I have no options, I…!" Azula said, glancing at Mai with desperation, but her friend raised a hand to silence her momentarily.

"You can… keep the child," Mai said, startling both Azula and Ty Lee. "And… and marry Admiral Zhao indeed, as disgusting as it sounds. Get him so drunk on your wedding night he might not remember what happened later, trick him into thinking he totally fulfilled his marital duties, never let him touch you anyhow… and then pass the child as his, if you hold out long enough to reveal you're pregnant at the right moment. You shouldn't have much of a pregnancy belly to show by then, you'd be two, three months in, I don't know… most women don't show until later than that. So, since we figured out this might be happening as early as we did… you can pass the child as his for as long as your pregnancy lasts. You'd have to figure out something else afterwards, but…"

"That sounds insane. Nobody would believe me…" Azula said, eyes wide.

"You're a better liar than I am, Azula: I managed to spin about twenty lies per minute to your father, and he swallowed it all," Mai said, sternly. Azula flinched and Mai breathed deeply before reaching out to caress her friend's head delicately. "You could do it. It wouldn't be easy, no… but if someone could do it, it's you."

Azula shivered at Mai's words, lowering her gaze. Carrying a pregnancy to term… the idea nearly made her sick enough to puke all over again. She and Sokka had talked about it from time to time… they had brought up the subject, and he never failed to remind her that he didn't need kids if she didn't want them. It had been so vague, though… a mere possibility in a distant future, one they hardly took seriously whenever they discussed it. But it was a possibility only because they had hoped, believed, that nothing would tear them apart. She had never doubted that, if she ever became a mother, it would be of his children… the children they would have raised together. Bearing with the burdens and difficulties of parenting by herself, when she'd scarcely had enough confidence to do it with Sokka beside her, sounded utterly impossible: she couldn't do it. Even if she lied about the child's parentage as successfully as Mai believed she could… how would she ever raise a child by herself? She couldn't trust herself to pull it off… she couldn't believe, not truly, that she was fit to be a mother.

"I… I don't think I can do it," Azula said, more serenely than before. She swallowed hard and glanced at Mai with near despair. "I'm not just… scared and panicking. I… I can't be a mother. Even if I manage to pull through the nightmare you've just described, Mai, I… I can't bring a child into a life of misery like this one would be. Even if… if I carried a pregnancy to term, I'd have to send the child away later, wouldn't I? Otherwise, my father would kill it as soon as he lays eyes upon it, and… and that'd mean I'd have wasted nine months of my life trying to protect a baby only for it to die? I… I can't do that. I can't put everything at risk… just to lose it all again. It'd be… it'd be…"

"It's okay. You… you don't owe us, or anyone else, any explanations," said Mai, breathing deeply as she placed a hand on her friend's shoulder delicately. "Becoming a mother is very challenging, even for people who didn't have everything you do hanging over their heads, myself included. If this isn't what you want…"

"I might have wanted it…" Azula said, sniffing as she shook her head. "In other circumstances, I might have figured out a way to… to get this to work. But like this, it's…"

"It's too much to continue risking yourself, your health, your life over," Mai sighed. "We understand."

"But… what then?" Ty Lee said, glancing at Mai with uncertainty. "We just… wait and hope you're wrong and that she isn't pregnant? The way you guys are talking about it, it's almost like Azula could just choose to be pregnant or…"

Her words faltered when the implications of Mai's remorseful silence suddenly became apparent: she'd said there were a few options, hadn't she? So far, they'd only discussed one…

"There's… other ways to deal with this," Mai said, simply, closing her eyes. "It… it'd be one less weight over you, Azula. One less problem to worry about. It's still early… very early. It would be a lot less dangerous to put an end to a pregnancy while you're at these stages than doing it later, so…"

"End the…?" Azula said, eyes widening as she gazed at Mai in astonishment. Ty Lee, beside Azula, whimpered.

"T-that's…! No! Oh, Mai, that can't…!"

"Women lose unborn children even more often than they realize, Ty Lee," Mai said, closing her eyes: as much as she attempted to be a pragmatist, her conflicted emotions were apparent in her very countenance as she spoke. "Others… others have deliberately ended pregnancies while in far better circumstances than Azula's. I'm not saying it'd be easy… I'm not saying it'd be pleasant. Hell, she might spend the rest of her life hating herself for doing it, but if the child is born and the Fire Lord finds out, she will lose the child anyway, and no longer on her terms, so she'll hate herself for that just the same. There's… there's no better scenario, Ty Lee. There's no easy choice. Everything is dangerous. Everything is difficult. Whatever choice she makes, Azula is stuck in the worst possible place she could be at: bringing a child into that sort of life is a much more painful and complicated decision to make than either you or I can so much as imagine."

Azula sank in her chair, burying her face in her hands. Mai released a slow breath, knowing she was giving Azula an out, an opportunity, a possibility that should alleviate her… knowing, just as well, that she couldn't possibly fathom willfully losing a child of the man she loved, regardless of the circumstances. She wouldn't blame her friend for whatever choice she might make, for it seemed Azula had been trapped in a game where she had no hopes, no chances, of survival, let alone of victory.

"How… how would we even do this?" Azula asked, swallowing hard: Ty Lee tensed up beside her, but Azula ignored her for now. "Is there… anything to be done to put a stop to it?"

"Well… I have a book with different brews for many situations," Mai admitted: she hadn't realized she expected Azula to reject this possibility, outright, until she hadn't. That this possibility hadn't been shot down immediately, that Azula was actually inquiring about how it could be done… it truly illustrated the gravity of the situation like nothing else could. "I've never had to prepare that one… but I could try. My aunt gave me that book, back when I married Ruon Jian… most the recipes are harmless, but she still wanted me to be ready for anything, I suppose. Anyway, it's… it's probably not that hard. I can try to gather the ingredients if… if you're sure this is what you want. Are you?"

"Azula…" Ty Lee said, gazing at her friend in chagrin. The Princess's gaze flickered towards her quickly before shifting back to the table, where her unfinished rice lingered. "Y-you… you really want to do this? Are you sure…?"

"I'm not sure of anything, Ty Lee. I… I don't know. I don't know," she said, gritting her teeth and shaking her head. "Would there be side effects?"

"Possibly," Mai said, gritting her teeth. "They're supposed to be worse if the baby's been growing for a long time, though. Right now… it might cause you discomfort for a few days or weeks, at worst, but you ought to be fine afterwards."

"Discomfort…" Azula repeated, almost sarcastically: she barely remembered what it was like to be healthy and content with her body anymore. The last two months had taken an extreme toll on her soul… as though she'd aged decades instead of weeks. Physical discomfort was simply something she'd grown used to over time, nothing more, nothing less. "Doesn't sound so terrible."

"I'll have to read the warnings on the book again, just in case there's anything alarming there," Mai said, breathing deeply as she glanced at Azula again. "But… only if you're sure. I mean… if you don't want this, if you want to try that other possibility, I'll do my best to help you succeed at it if there's anything I can do, to begin with. This isn't a choice you're making lightly, I know it's not… I know you've been through hell on earth over the last days, and I'm only trying to make it a little less difficult for you. That's all there is to it."

Azula swallowed and nodded: Mai's suggestions came from a place of concern, of practicality, of working through solutions rather than lingering on irrational emotions and the like. The circumstances distressed her just as well… but she seemed ready to offer what Azula truly needed right now: a clear-headed view of the situation and the possible ways forward, dark as all of them might be.

Carrying a pregnancy to term… it would mean, indeed, that she'd lose the child in the end, for sure. Whether because she had to give it up to someone else, to ensure the baby could escape and live a free life away from her father's clutches, or because he'd find the baby and kill it in front of her, all be it to continue satisfying his horrific blood thirst… there was no point in wondering if she could be a good mother at all, she realized. There would be no time, no chance, to be a mother at all. The baby's life would end before it even began.

Wasn't that just the same as the other possibility, then? If she did it now, it'd practically be a mercy. She had no idea how fast a baby developed, but she didn't doubt it would be far more conscious and aware of the world around it after birth than while in the womb, barely a few weeks after conception, or however long it had been… she had no idea when it had happened, truly, but did it matter, at this point? What did matter was making things right… making the correct choice, no matter what it might be. No matter how difficult it could prove to be…

There were so many lives at stake, not just that of the presumed unborn child. Mai, Ty Lee, Xin Long… they were but the beginning of what Ozai would rely on and resort to in order to ensure her absolute obedience. She didn't even want to ask about what had happened, or what would happen, to her Enforcers: the slavery laws in general would likely be abolished in a heartbeat, if they hadn't been already. Would her father even try to kill members of the group she had assembled to enforce those laws, torture them, enslave them, in order to punish her? Nothing was outside the realm of possibilities, not when it came to Ozai's brutal reprisals.

"And if there's no child…?" Azula asked. "If… if it's some sickness, will drinking that thing hurt me somehow?"

"It… it might," Mai admitted, nodding. "But it shouldn't kill you, I'd hope. It's toxic… but it's intended for a very specific purpose. It may do some damage to your body… but that'd be true whether there's a child or not."

"I guess it's a tricky question, right? Not… not a lot of people would drink that sort of thing unless they're trying to…" Azula said, and she grinded her teeth as she failed to finish her sentence.

She hissed at herself: she had to be rational about this. She couldn't let her emotions sway her. She was in a deadly situation, as things stood: how could she even know for sure that she could trick her father, Zhao, everyone involved in her deceit? No matter how clever and honeyed her lies – and she wasn't sure they could be clever or honeyed at all, as things stood –, both Zhao and Ozai knew she had been intimate with Sokka countless times: they would be fools to assume they would have held back from making love before parting ways, before Zhao dragged her back to the Fire Nation… the possibility that the child might be his would definitely cross their minds. She couldn't be so blind, so stupid, as to assume they would be blind and stupid too, conveniently so. She had underestimated her father enough times to regret it so far: she couldn't make that mistake again, not when said mistakes had already cost her so much… and when she might have a steeper price to pay for them, still.

"Azula… think about it, okay?" Ty Lee said, sniffing softly as she clasped her friend's hands. "I… I don't want this to be any harder for you either. I know… sometimes we have to make awful choices. I know it… it will hurt a lot if you make this one, too. Whatever you choose, I will accept it, and I'll help, just like Mai said she would. But please, just… please make a choice you can live with. Otherwise… otherwise things will get even worse for you, won't they? You might actually… y-you might actually do something awful to yourself. And I… I'm scared, okay? I know I have no right to ask for anything, you're suffering so much more than I can imagine, Azula, but… but we love you, okay? You matter to us. We care about you. And we… we want to help you. We want you to be happy again, someday…"

"I… I don't think happiness is going to be possible anymore, Ty Lee," Azula answered earnestly. Ty Lee sniffed again but nodded, tears trailing down her cheeks.

"I know. I know, I just… I just don't want to lose you," she said, gritting her teeth as she trembled, still holding Azula's hand. "I don't… I don't know what any of us would do if… I'm just… I'm sorry, Azula…"

"I… I don't want to lose you either," Mai intervened: Azula glanced at her in disbelief as Mai slid a hand towards Azula's damp hair, stroking it away from her face. "We… we're your friends, okay? And whatever you need, whatever you want to do… we're here for you. Any choices you make, we'll respect them as best we can. Maybe nothing's going on, and maybe I've made a mess of things for no reason… if that's how it is, you certainly should tear me a new one for making things worse for you when they're already as bad as they could be…"

"You're… looking out for me," Azula said, swallowing hard. "If I suddenly was diagnosed pregnant without… w-without an alibi, my father might even kill me himself in a fit of rage, for all I know. I know you're helping, Mai, Ty Lee. I know… I appreciate it more than you probably can tell right now. I… I had thought I'd have to handle everything alone, going forward…"

"You'll have us, for sure. No matter what," Mai said, clasping Azula's other hand. "As hard as it might be… we're here for you. Just as you've been there for us."

Azula shivered, tears pouring down her face again as she clasped her friends' hands as hard as she could. Weakened and exhausted, her soul battered, her body starved, her mind in utmost chaos, she had feared she'd find nothing to rely on… no rock to which she could cling until she remembered how to stand on her own two feet. Her father had orchestrated this, she knew, so Mai could spy on her for him… but they were rebelling in secret, offering Azula all their support and help, offering her the friendship they had fostered and strengthened across the two decades they'd known each other.

It was why she dared close her eyes and speak her mind… speak her choice aloud, no matter how hard it might be.

"Can you… set up that bath you mentioned?" Azula asked, quietly. Mai nodded immediately.

"Of course I can," she said. "Anything you need, Azula…"

"I'll need… some time alone," Azula said, swallowing hard. "You'll need time too, I suppose… y-you can't prepare that thing instantly, can you?"

Ty Lee shuddered, and Mai flinched. Azula's tears streamed down her face even more freely now, as her choice became clear. A choice she knew she'd regret for as long as she lived… but it was the only choice that made any sense, rationally speaking. It was necessary. She had to do it…

"Y-you… you're sure, then?" Mai asked, trembling as she clasped Azula's hand.

"No. I'm not sure. But… it's too much, Mai," Azula said, gritting her teeth. "It's all… bad enough already to make it worse. The child would never survive… I have no one I can trust in the Palace anymore. There's no way… n-no way I could give birth and ensure the child can get away. So… s-so this is faster. Easier. Painful, still, but… it'll hurt if I don't do it too, won't it? It… it will break my heart no matter what, and it's damn broken as it is, s-so… what's one more crack? I… I've made more painful choices than I thought possible over the last weeks. What… what's one more? I've done many things I'll never forgive myself for. So… what's one more?"

Ty Lee couldn't seem to help but cry beside her, pressing her forehead to Azula's shoulder. Azula breathed deeply, trying not to sob, knowing she wouldn't succeed at containing her tears. Mai held her composure better, as she ever did… but her hand still trembled in Azula's, no doubt troubled by the role she had brought upon herself in ending Azula's potential pregnancy prematurely, as she had offered to.

The Princess only sat silently now, letting the tears pour down, knowing her friends would eventually let go of her. They would help her to the bathroom so she could clean up… and then the moment of truth would arrive. She would have to swallow that poisonous brew, whatever it was, to save herself… to condemn the being that, perhaps, grew inside her. Maybe nothing did grow within her, after all, like Mai had said… maybe the poisonous brew would affect her directly instead, and then she wouldn't have to endure this hell for another moment if her life faded into nothingness.

An image burst to life in her mind's eye, the image of a piercing blue gaze that seemed to see right through her, into her very rotten soul. She shivered, painfully, upon thinking of him once more… now, upon knowing she might be carrying his child. A child he had never intended to force on her… a child he had been ready to raise with her, if they'd had that opportunity. If he were here… if he were right beside her, what would he do? What would he say? Would he have enough insight to unravel another solution…?

She should have stayed with him. She should have just stayed with him. Maybe they wouldn't have lasted long, anyway… but she should have climbed off the Barge with him and stayed by his side for as long as they had left to live. If she had, none of this would be happening. Xin Long wouldn't be trapped in chains, her friends would have nothing to report back to her father, she wouldn't be forced to take a damn husband she never wanted, she already had cut her palm and bled out into her true match's own wound…

She had made mistake after mistake… maybe this would be a mistake too. But just as she'd have to learn to live with the others, she'd have to learn to live with this one, too. And if she couldn't learn to live with them, she'd probably make a final, dreadful choice that none of the people who loved her would likely forgive her for… then again, she doubted they'd forgive her for this one, either.

Those earnest blue eyes bore into her, and her heart threatened to break all over again. If he had known what she was about to do… would he have still loved her at all? Would he ever accept this choice, as he had accepted staying behind in his tribe? Would he ever understand? Maybe not… but maybe she didn't deserve to be understood, at this point in time. All she wanted was for everything to stop… for the pain to end. Would he understand that part, if nothing else?

Maybe he would. His heart would break, just as well… but he had always prioritized her happiness, her wellbeing, above everything else. He wouldn't judge her… he wouldn't condemn her. He might just understand. He might just understand…

But maybe she didn't want him to.

Maybe she didn't want any forgiveness for the choice she'd made… for the sin she was about to commit, far more painful than any to her name so far.

Maybe the one who would never forgive her was Azula, herself.

---

A/N:

This was a dark chapter, very difficult to write (as this whole arc was). We'll have a double update next week and with it, we'll conclude the first arc of Part 3. There's so much story left to be told… things aren't always going to be this dark for the remainder of the story, but if you're personally sensitive to some of the difficult subjects that are coming up in Gladiator recently, feel free to write down the number of the chapter you last read and come back again in a few weeks. At any rate… thanks for reading what we've got so far. I know we're in a very depressing place atm, but we'll move forward to better things relatively soon.