Chapter 1

It wasn't supposed to turn out like that Deku was always so resistant. He was supposed to ignore Katsuki's request. He wasn't supposed to the jump, or the swan dive as he regretfully recalls saying.

When Katsuki first heard the news on that fateful day he didn't know how to was a silent stillness as he contemplated what exactly the police officer was telling him. Hours later, it seemed, it finally sunk in.

Katsuki could be heard letting loose the loudest scream as he sobbed about the loss of the one person who wasn't drawn to him because of his quirk, or his power. But, his deadly and explosive personality or maybe was it because Deku had no other friends?

Fuck that! Katsuki had no fucking idea why a stupid nerd like Deku would hang around him when it was all his fault. It was because of him that Deku was gone. The one person who had the best heart, and the brightest smile. He was Katsuki, dared to say, his best friend. Yet, as per usual, his pride had blinded him and his quirk had deafened him to the power that Deku held. A smile. Even when he was sure the stupid nerd looked down on him, he never deserved to die. However, as per usual Katsuki would never voice his issues or his pain because of his one weakness. Pride.

After his 'fit,' in which his parents decided to leave him alone for, he came to a realization. Katsuki sprinted across his house while his parents were looking at him sadly. They shouted his name as he opened the door and ran outside, but thankfully decided not to follow. Katsuki kept runninguntil he reached the crime scene. His school. There he remembered a scorched notebook thrown into a koi pond.

Katsuki saw said notebook floating near the fishes who were curiously swimming around it. Katsuki gently lifted Deku's prized No. 13 Hero Analysis notebook, more gentle then he had been in his entire life, probably.

Katsuki was clutching the book to his chest as he slowly walked back home. He held it almost as if the book were a lifeline, because to Katsuki, it was Deku's.

Returning home, his parents scolded him and attempted to get him to open up about why he ran out unexplained, but their pleas fell on deaf ears as Katsuki closed his bedroom door in their faces, making sure to lock it, surrendering to the silence which accompanied him.

Katsuki's trance was lifted as he felt a tear sliding down his face. He fled to a dark corner in his room, clutching Deku's notebook close to chest as he sobbed into it. The scorch marks on the book a reminder of what he had done.

A few hours later, Katuski heard his mother, Mitsuki, in the softest voice he had ever heard from her say "Katsuki, your dinner is right outside," he heard the plate filled with food being set outside his room.

"Can I come in?"

Mitsuki seemed to choke on her words a bit.

"You know you can trust us, right? We'll always be here for you, please talk to us."

The only answer she received was silence and as she backed away from the door, Katsuki could only think 'If I wasn't there for Deku, why should you be there for me?'

Mitsuki walked to the dining room where her and her husband, Masaru, had dinner without their son. Masaru stood up from his chair and enveloped Mitsuki in a hug as she shed the tears welling up in her eyes.

"Where did we go wrong?" Mitsuki sobbed as her normally harsh demeanor was reduced by the grief and anger she felt towards her son.

Masaru held her as she continued sobbing, providing no answer for her question.

And during breakfast the next morning, Mitsuki discovered the plate of food she set out the previous night lying exactly where is was before, untouched.

No one had realized, but that night was a breaking point for Bakugou Katsuki. He had changed in a way no one had expected, or wanting to accept. A stubborn part of his brain refused to believe that Deku was truly dead, and as the weeks passed the denial only grew. As middle school ended, and Katsuki was left as the loner, to his choice. No one wanted to mess with him because of his quirk, which he had refused to use anymore in tribute to Deku. Which to most people, was quite stupid.

Mitsuki and Masaru noticed while Katsuki still kept his harsh attitude and fiery demeanor, he was still quite vulnerable and had built high walls to keep out anyone. Mitsuki was just glad he was talking again, especially to them.

He also refused to even look at Midoriya Inko because of the heavy guilt that weighed on him. After all, she was going through her own troubles anyways, ones which were all Katsuki's fault.

"Hey, Katsuki are you applying to UA like we dreamed of?" Deku had asked one day.

"Course I will, nerd. But I'm not using my quirk." Katsuki scoffed as he read Deku's No 13 Hero Analysis book which he always had on him. The ink had run a bit, but Katsuki still made it his mission to read it, even if it was like the thousandth time he had.

"KACCHAN! Don't be like that! It's always been your dream! You can't give up now!" Deku exclaimed as he attempted to convince his friend.

"It's not giving up. I just..." Katsuki frowned, looking up "If you can't apply because of me, why should I?" the way it was said made it seem like Deku had be wounded or even discouraged, not dead.

"I will honor I dream. For you, and me. However, my quirk already damages people and objects so I'm doing this how you would. General Studies." he finalized as he looked back down at the book.

"How sweet of you Kacchan!" Deku smiled wide before hugging him. Katsuki could see how he had frowned before, but the nerd knew that he wouldn't change his mind.

"Don't get used to it, nerd" Katsuki mumbled. While he disliked his personality because of how much he hurt Deku with it, who was essentially his brother, he didn't need extras chumming up to him, so he dealt with it. Although, his powerful quirk had boosted his ego so high it caused others pain that Katsuki could barely stand using it.

"You should talk to Inko" Deku tried after a silence had spread over the two. Deku had tried to let Katsuki let go of the incident, and he would never stop trying.

"NO! No way in-" Katsuki started,but got interrupted by his mother opening the door.

"Hey, talking to Deku again?" she asked, although to her it seemed Katsuki was having a one-sided conversation with himself.

"Yeah." Katsuki nodded, only half listening.

"Are you going to apply for UA?" she asked gently. After the incident she treated Katsuki like a porcelain doll, as if he were about to break at any moment and so she had to walk carefully or else it would be the end. Katsuki hated that.

"General Studies." is all Katsuki says, his tone annoyed and laced with 'Get the fuck out.'

Mitsuki just nodded as she closed the door and let out a deep sigh. What had happened to her son?

She knew by now he enjoyed talking to Deku, who wasn't even real. It took many failed attempts at therapy for Katsuki for her to realize Deku was there to stay in Katuski's mind. Haunting him and reminding him of his worst mistake, his worst action which he regrets every hour.

Katsuki may seem crazy as he talks to himself, and what he believed to be Deku, but the reality is, he's just broken.

That's what Katsuki's denial spread - a desperate wish that would never come true.

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