Chapter 12

Katsuki desperately wished things could return to whatever could be considered 'normal,' but it seemed things weren't to turn out that way.

His paranoia had grown so horrible that if any noise became even the slightest bit raised, he found himself recoiling in shock. The fear stemmed from a feeling of helplessness, of not being in control of… practically everything. But then again, Katsuki knew he could only fuck up if he was in charge.

It was an endless cycle that could only be quelled by soft assurances and gentle touches, of which Katsuki had driven away far too many times.

So now he was stuck glaring with his hands in his pockets as he navigated through U.A High School, followed by the whispering demons who had once bowed down to his feet.

They were the type of people who Katsuki had once called his 'lackeys,' except now he was in the place of the poor boy he used to torment daily.

He couldn't bring himself to give a single fuck.

He had a Sport Festival to win.

Until then, he had to block out the loud whispers, quiet teasing, and exhausting noises. Or was it the loud noises, quiet whispering, and exhausting teasing? He couldn't quite tell the difference anymore. Not that it mattered.

Katsuki grimaced as he entered the classroom of Class 1-C. Scanning the room, there was nothing out of the usual. A few glares and scattered talking in hushed tones, but that could be easily fixed by Katsuki's scowling.

He took his seat and waited.

The only thing on his mind was how to show Deku that he was serious about winning the Sports Festival. That he could use his quirk… but to do that he needed practice. It had been months since the last explosion has graced his palms.

It hadn't been easy, his quirk never really turned off… he always sweat something highly flammable that made it very easy to spark, especially when he was surprised. But with trembling hands and a strong resolve Katsuki thought he had quenched all of his knowledge of activating his quirk.

Now, he needs to get it all back.

He doesn't know how long he waited. It couldn't have been more than a few minutes before shocking purple grumbling broke him out of his heavy contemplation.

It was relieving to see a somewhat familiar face devoid of a sour expression, or at least, not caused by him.

"Morning." Eyebags grunted out.

Katsuki tipped his head up in greeting to his acquaintance, possibly his friend. They both shared an unsaid agreement not to utter any more words to one another and instead sat in peace. It wasn't bad, being in Eyebags's presence… but Katsuki refused to allow himself to get used to it.

Today seemed different than before and Katsuki felt like something was off, that he missed something, but he decided to ignore it. Even if his hunches had always proved to be right it wouldn't do him any good to dwell.

So, he didn't dwell on it further, nor could he, since that's when most of his peers had decided to come into class. They were followed by Cementoss whose arrival signalled the beginning of the school day, and Katsuki's torment.

The first four periods of the day droned on in the background as Katsuki had bigger things to focus on than the difference between "The dog is walking" and "The dog is walked" during English.

He has so much to do, and so little time… but he was knew he could do it, if not to win back Deku's fucking support. That stubborn little bastard. Katsuki didn't know why he even cared about that shit, and yet he couldn't stop himself from risking it all for him.

While in class he had to make some progress at least, so he thought back to his experience with the Hero Course students. They were much more prepared than he was, especially since he received no training in General Studies… but he hadn't devoted almost all his life to mastering his quirk to have it backfire in his face.

His knew body could be ready in time for the Sports Festival, but could his mind?

By the time lunch came around, his brain had been invaded by that single question.

Frankly, his trauma from his quirk was uncontested, and it was only a matter of time before he lost it. However, Katsuki's fears were mainly focused on the glances he recently saw his parents send him. His father's eyes were always full of pity and his mother's were filled with shame and fear. Was there something he missed? What had suddenly changed, other than him being a murderer? Was he really losing his mind… fuck he didn't know. He didn't know what to do. It would all be easier if he was just locked up, or better yet, dead. But, he promised Deku. He promised… he promised what? WHAT? FUCK, WHY?

Katsuki hated it. He hated feeling this pent up with anger and fear. He hated how it made him feel like his quirk. An explosion just waiting to detonate, with the sole purpose to do harm.

No, scratch that. He wasn't an explosion. He was one of those people who strapped bombs to themselves and walked into populated areas. Without any regard to themselves, ticking and ticking until finally it all falls apart. He could fake a smile and act cocky even if he was just a fragile and broken boy with a bomb strapped to him.

That night, Katsuki couldn't sleep.

And if in the morning, his parents decided not to ask about the scratch marks riddling his arms, he couldn't even fake surprise.

It had become a habit for Katsuki to eat lunch on the roof. His excuse of wanting to avoid the annoying Hero students had long been discarded in favor of simply enjoying being able to eat in a disclosed place. Oddly enough, Katsuki felt at peace whenever he would venture to the roof, it was strange considering what happened that one fateful day. Still, if anyone strayed too close to the edge he found his muscles would become tense and he'd itch to leap up, his brain screaming to save, to not repeat his mistakes.

On most days it had become a custom for Plant Girl to invite herself to sit with Katsuki and spout out cryptic messages that often messed with Katsuki's head.

Speaking of annoying assholes, Katsuki's been meaning to drag Eyebags up to the roof to eat with him, but he hasn't got the chance yet. And, not that he would ever admit it, but he really had no clue how to ask… though he would be pretty fucking stupid to leave Eyebags to sit next to some extras again .

So, he did what he was best at… aggression.

It was only once he found Eyebags who was grabbing his lunch from wherever he had it, that he made the move to quite literally grab him and pull him in the direction of the staircase.

"Where are we going?" He asked with confusion and fear written on his face… and was that hopefulness?

"I'm bringing your dumb ass to the roof."
"Why?"

"That's where I eat. You've looked pathetically alone." Katsuki scoffed at the other boy who seemed content with the answer as he was dragged up the stairs.

The sun was bright and comforting, bringing the faintest trace of a smile on Katsuki's face. He looked around, and started to make his way towards the familiar face he noticed.

It wasn't until Eyebags actually set his eyes upon Plant Girl, who was already eating her typical vegan meal, that he stiffened.

There was a strong look of suspicion in his eyes topped off with a healthy serving of resentment. It didn't take Katsuki long to puzzle together that this meeting was probably not a good decision. But fuck it. It was going to happen at some point.

"Who is this?" Eyebags crossed his arms at the unfamiliar girl who welcomed the new presences around her.

"Eyebags meet Plant Girl, Plant Girl meet Eyebags." Katsuki gestured the two figures towards each other as he sat down and made sure he was facing both the edge of the roof and the door to the building. "You're both annoying dumbasses, so you'll like each other"

"Pleasure to meet your acquaintance." Plant Girl's airy voice rang out from where she was sitting.

Katsuki saw a brief moment of recollection flash in Eyebags' eyes before he straightened his posture and narrowed his eyes.

"You're that Hero student!" Eyebags sneered in distrust, turning to Katsuki, "Why is she here?"

"I don't fucking know." Katsuki once again tensed up, not knowing whether to expect a fight or a hissy fit.

"Thy vexation is formidable." Plant Girl continued to calmly eat her shitty vegan meal as Eyebags stared her down like she personally offended him.

"What?"

"I see no point in the continuation of this argument whence your intelligence is so unfathomably low that you don't even comprehend any of my speaking." Plant Girl rose her head in a dignified manner, signalling the end of the discussion.

Katsuki rolled his eyes at the complicated expressions which were favored by Plant Girl.

"Doesn't matter much anyways." Eyebags sighed as he sat down, "I'm going to beat you in the Sport's Festival anyways."

Katsuki felt sick to his stomach at the mention of the infamous school festival that had been plaguing his mind. He'd come to the roof to escape it, but it seems as though he had nowhere to hide.

"Youst covet to succeed?" Plant Girl said in what sounded like a question, but Katsuki couldn't tell. "Ah, god has decreed the champion to be I with thine divine endowment"

"What the fuck?" Katsuki murmured to himself and shook his head at the perplexing girl. It was really a wonder as to why he hadn't left already. His company was already starting to push the very fragile sanity he clung to over the line.

"And what about me?" Eyebags asked, leering her on with amusement in his voice.

"Thou dust believe thineself to be holy, to be beautiful, but thine doth serve no purpose or existence. Though arenst a decomposing millipede, thineself arenst a growing plant; thine arenst anything but an all consuming cancerous growth." Plant Girl's voice was full of mirth, she was clearly enjoying herself as she teased the gaping boy.

Katsuki could agree, it was kinda funny to see Eyebags looking so stunned, because while Plant Girl was puzzling she could also be blunt.

Yet, a tiny part of Katsuki felt guilty at the amusement he felt. It shamed him for once again going along with the teasing. He knew what would come after the teasing… and the horrible road that he once followed. So he quenched his gaiety and kept staring at the food prepared, his appetite long gone.

"Good one." Eyebags admitted as he started to eat his food. It was low in health benefits and cheap, but a typical meal for a student. "You've been uncharacteristically quiet, Bakugou."

"FUCK OFF." He yelled, much to the chagrin of his companions. "I'm not here for some shitty small talk."

Eyebags rolled his eyes before continuing on with the conversation about the Sports Festival, much to Katsuki's dismay.

"Hero students are so egotistical, just wait until their spots are stolen from them." Eyebags pointedly ignored the hero student sitting near him.

"Thist challenge doth exist purely as that of a seed, My not-so-friends. The seed that, depending on how it is planted, will either flourish into a powerful oak, or fester and die, emerging as nothing but a geyser of pus. Over and over; the overwhelming harmony consuming the colony... I shalst prosper, you shalst fester... It is simple fate, my friends... Best not meddle." Plant Girl shook her head. It was obvious Eyebags wasn't expecting that as a response as he lazily stared at the offending girl.

"Telling me I can't do it?" he sneered "How heroic."

Plant Girl's neutral gaze hardened, and Katsuki itched to leave the two bickering children.

"Can you both shut the fuck up?"

"Only a truly foolish snapdragon such as oneself would truly believe themself to possess any talent" Plant Girl states passively at Eyebags, her hair whipping out behind her as a silent threat. However, the vines did nothing to quell the fire that was burning in Eyebags' eyes. It was frightening and sent a shiver down Katsuki's spine. It took a moment for him to realize why... but when the realization hit, he felt frozen. That very same look used to trouble his face months ago, until the grim news of what he had done changed everything.

Suddenly it all came crashing down on him.

They were on a roof and insults were being thrown. He remembers the look Eyebags now had, and the green of Plant Girl's hair.

Katsuki couldn't tell if it was Plant Girl and Eyebags arguing on the roof, or if it was him and Deku. He couldn't breathe… there was no escape.

It was all happening too fast.

The past was going to repeat.

His repressed emotions starters to bubble over.

He had to get off the roof, he couldn't stay there. So he fled through the doors, down the stairs and into the school, ignoring the chasing calls of his acquaintances.

Katsuki wasn't sure where he was going, but he had to get out .

He found himself running through the halls. He was knocking into people and tripping on his own feet, ignoring the shrieks and angry shouts behind him. Katsuki was so busy trying to get out he didn't even witness the people behind him getting pushed aside for the second time, this time by a seemingly invisible force. But instead his mind was hyper focused on escape. Eventually, he found the perfect place to hide. It was a small broom closet that allowed him to curl up in a ball and silently sob.

He didn't understand how such a fleeting thought could do this to him. What if… FUCK. Katsuki punched the wall next to him as tears flowed down his cheeks. His hand stung but it wasn't nearly as much damage as he had done previously.

"Are you okay?" A disembodied voice asked right above him.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" He jumped back, clutching his hands together in surprise.

"Oh, sorry!" The voice exclaimed, apologetically. If Katsuki had to guess, he'd say it sounded feminine, although he really didn't care. "Didn't mean to surprise you."

"Great job, idiot" Katsuki grumbled quietly, "Who the fuck are you?"

"Hagakure Tooru at your service!" The voice said in a very peppy tone.

Katsuki gave her a deadpan glare.

"Maybe you know me as Invisible Girl?" She asked hopefully.

"Why are you in here" Katsuki asked bluntly, wiping his eyes with the corner of his jacket sleeve. His tears were too obvious for his liking.

"I saw you running through the halls, and-"

"Of course you're a fucking student" He interrupted.

"Who else would I be?"

"YOU TELL ME." Katsuki snarls.

She stayed silent.

"Now get out." He meant it to sound harsh, but the loud sob that disrupted his sentence mid thought had other plans.

"I will, I will" she sounded shaky and unsure, "I just have one question?"

"What"

"Who is Deku?"

Katsuki felt his heart shatter.

He did what he was best at and ran.

Katsuki was shaking. He felt sick, he needed to find a bathroom fast. A panicked narrative started drifting through his head as he ran back through the halls searching for a bathroom. Was he really that obvious this whole time? If she found out about him… who else had? Did she make something up, or was actually going to tell everyone what she saw? He didn't know, and that scared him, especially with all the worst case scenarios floating to the front of his brain. He couldn't haven anyone find out about Deku… the last time that happened was when his parents first noticed it. They forced him into therapy, and he couldn't do that again. He couldn't deal with a lady invading his privacy, trying to convince him it was all a lie, as she kept asking why.

Why?

Why...?

He found the bathroom, and rushed inside. After busting through a stall door, he emptied out his stomach into the toilet, the taste of acid burning his throat. After adjusting his position on the floor, with his back touching the toilet, he finally began to realize.

He couldn't do this anymore.

Oh god, he couldn't.

The constant fear was eating him alive, and-

He suddenly knocked his hands against his head harshly. It wasn't as satisfying as when he punched the walls, but it did its job and jolted him from his thoughts with a dull throb.

Whatever happened he couldn't be booted from UA, and he couldn't let anyone know about Deku. He had to fulfil their dreams and didn't have any time for people to be suspecting him of insanity, as crazy as that sounds. He could tell from his parents' reaction that no one would believe him, but that didn't matter.

What mattered was that he needed to get stronger.
There was no question about it.

He had to get stronger for Deku, he had to prove he was worthy of him and that he could finally use his quirk and become something. He smirked and dryly chuckled, it was odd to think of Deku ever being proud of him, but if there was even a chance to atone for what'd he done, he had to take it.

It was a funny image.

A broken and insane boy sitting in front of a toilet full of his own vomit in a rumpled school uniform with tear tracts running down his face laughing.

Crazy son of a bitch.

Everyday Katsuki would wake up a few hours before school starts and train his body, working on strength and durability. Often he would end up passing out from exhaustion and almost missing classes, however that didn't mean he would take a break. There were a few different exercises he'd picked up from watching bodybuilders in an old gym, but he was able to adapt them for his own body class.

From there he would run to school, and attend his usual classes whilst trying to ignore both the glares he received, and his nagging acquaintances. He couldn't afford to get distracted right now, considering that during lunch he had to be able to plan his meals in peace. He cut out all the junk he was eating before, and tried to eat more… it was hard when he only ate a few meals a week but he needed to get his energy up and practically forced himself to keep it all down.

Once school finished he would run back home, and complete any homework that had either been given that day or was due soon.

For the rest of the afternoon until he went to sleep, he'd practice with his quirk. Starting off by setting up a few cans on a table, and moving so that he could barely see them. The challenge was that he had to knock one can off the pile without any others moving. It was to help his precision and aim… even if he only managed to succeed once (and that was because his quirk startled a bird who knocked a single can down). Next he tried to just keep blasting to improve his durability, but he quickly abandoned that because it was too loud, too bright, and made him too tired, also Mitsuki may have yelled at him for it. Still, using his quirk so often was painful. Not only physically, but also mentally… his mind kept cycling back through that look on Deku's face, his features illuminated by the light, curled into horror.

He was scared.

Scared of Katsuki.

Deku would always deny it, but Katsuki knew the truth. That moment would never be scrubbed from his mind, and everytime he used his quirk he had to be reminded of all the pain and terror he had caused, it was miserable. But he deserved the misery, right? Katsuki couldn't keep himself from laughing, clutching his stomach as tears formed in his eyes. After a solid minute, he wiped his eyes, mouth forming a frown.

He never wanted to see that look on Deku's face again.

What he hadn't accounted for in his entire schedule, though, were the bumbling idiots from Class 1A who finally managed to trap Katsuki after he decided not to eat on the roof. Clearly his hope of being left alone had been thrown in a public toilet.

"Hey man!" Shitty Hair slid into the seat next to Katsuki, his cronies following suit.

"Fuck off"

"Hey! We just want to thank you!" His bright and cheery voice broke Katsuki's intense concentration he was using to ignore the fuckers.

"What? For doing the bare minimum?" Katsuki rolled his eyes, wishing he hadn't spoken at all.

"Woah that wasn't the bare minimum!" Pinky praised with wide eyes.

"Yeah dude! You were all shouty and put the teachers in their place" Knock-Off Pikachu pressed his fingertips together to make his hands look like two mouths talking. "It was so cool!"

Katsuki tched, what a complete idiot.
"Was really scary though…" Weird Elbows grinned at him, making it seem not scary at all, "Nezu's kinda creepy. What even is he?"

"I'll tell you assholes what." Katsuki growled, "Once you figure it out, lemme know. Now piss off."

He gathered his lunch and made his way to the classroom. No one knew what Nezu was, not even him, so hopefully those bastards wouldn't annoy him anymore, he was too busy with training.

With his back turned, he couldn't see the proud and mischievous grins the group were sending each other. They weren't done with him by a long shot.

Shrouded in darkness was a figure, seated at a worn ministool behind a counter. They were slumped over, face partially covered by a dirty black hoodie, if you squinted you could see light blue tufts of hair wildly sticking around. A small beam of light illuminated the figure's bony hand, which was tapping on the counter.

"I want him" Shigaraki growled in his raspy voice.

"We must first watch the Sports Festival before making any decisions." The eerie unembodied voice of the misty figure of Kurogiri spoke out.

"I don't care." Shigaraki sneered slamming his fist on the counter.

"Shigaraki." Kurogiri warned.

"Fine. But, he will be mine." Shigaraki smiled widely

"Why?"

"I like his spirit."

"Hm."

"His fear gives him confidence, and that's what I need."

"It also makes him dangerous."

Shigaraki snorted, and lifted a slim photograph up to the light, holding it from a few fingers. He smiled wickedly.

While listening in to their conversation, Nana tried to figure out who they were talking about. She had warned Deku about the attack, but who did her grandson want so badly?

Once he had lifted the picture, her eyes widened as she gasped out in horror.

In the photo was a blonde haired angry boy with piercing red eyes full of underlying emotion that was too complex for anyone to truly understand.

It was Kacchan.

The amount of danger he was in suddenly dawned on her as she fled the bar in search of Deku.

She had to warn him of Shigaraki's new obsession. She knew once he was fixated, he wouldn't let go… and now Kacchan was his target.

Katsuki stood outside of UA. It was the day of the Sports Festival and he was ready.

Deku was nowhere in sight, but he knew he was watching.

With a determined look on his face, he was going to win!