The journey of a broken Hero (copied from AO3)

by unknown4949

Midoriya Izuku listens when Bakugou Katsuki tells him jump off a roof. And yet, Katsuki still sees his ghost everywhere he goes, haunting him, [this was the work of PIGASUS 099 from AO3]

18. A Silent Haunting

Chapter 18

"Kacchan! Hey Kacchan!" Deku was speaking to Katsuki, but he sounded far away and washed out, "Kacchan!"

Katsuki opened his eyes, not realizing he had them closed the entire time. He had been laying on his bed, on top of all the covers.

"Deku?" He scanned around before standing up, "DEKU!"

"KACCHAN?"

There was a scramble between both of them to find each other, Katsuki looking around and searching through his room. It was admittedly stupid because Deu could phase through walls, but Katsuki wasn't thinking about that at the current moment.

He had to find his friend, he sounded distressed… What had happened?

He wasn't paying much attention to his surroundings other than where to find Deku, so he ignored all else that was happening around him. However, a whizzing sound had begun to start up, it was hard to ignore and Katsuki felt like something was off about this situation. His gut had a bad feeling.

It could've been something from his imagination, but as the odd noise started to grow closer Katsuki found himself spinning trying to identify where it was coming from.

What was cutting through the air, and where was its destination? Nothing was making sense right now.

Suddenly Katsuki felt pressure on his stomach, his eyes widening. His hands numbly touched the pressure and when they rose again he saw a red sticky substance on them.

It couldn't be?

The whizzing noise disappeared completely.

He looked down to see a kitchen knife sticking out of his stomach, blood gushing down in a big puddle. His clothes were muddled and ruined. Yet, it oddly didn't surprise him that much, instead he stared back at his blood hands. He couldn't tell if it was only his blood at this point.

What the fuck was happening?

Katsuki couldn't feel anything, his hands covered with blood seemed to stare back at him and he couldn't tear his gaze away, the knife in his stomach was painless but the shock was more than enough to make up for his complete lack of any feeling.

"AUGHHHHHH" A shout came up, but Katsuki didn't have any time to register it before a blur came crashing towards him.

It shot forward, clearly angry as it threw his room into disarray simply with how fast it was, Katsuki was frozen in place with blood on his hands and a mind empty of questions.

Suddenly, the weight on his stomach began to increase, the knife was being pushed further in… it was being plunged deep into his gut. Whoever was doing this had intentions to kill him.

Looking down, Katsuki was speechless.

Deku had the ugliest expression on his face, brutally clutching the blood knife and jabbing it further into Katsuki.

"JUST DIE ALREADY," His face contorted into an even more hideous expression as he screamed, something Katsuki had never heard, "LET ME TAKE YOUR FUCKING BODY, DIE DIE DIE DIE."

Katsuki toppled down to the ground, back down as his eyes widened in complete shock. He had no time to process anything, except to stare up at the ceiling while laying in a pool of his own blood.

Suddenly, Deku stilled. He grasped the knife, pulling it out suddenly, making Katsuki gasp, blood squirting on his face and the clothes he had been in since that fatal accident. He was breathing heavily, knife in hand.

He had to say something, anything. His throat had closed up and blood was coming out in all the places it shouldn't have been.

Tears flowed from his eyes with ease as he struggled.

"Why." It was the only word he could say, it was quiet and wet with the blood that was now in his throat.

Deku said nothing, green eyes devoid of light staring straight into the depths of his.

He kneeled down, raising the knife right above Katsukis face.

"GIVE IT TO ME, GIVE IT BACK."

He screamed, thrusting the knife directly down.

Katsuki screamed up in his bed, waking up.

His breathing was panicked and his hands immediately went down to his stomach, but all he felt was the nightshirt he was wearing and his smooth skin.

He was okay, it was just a dream, nothing more.

He frantically checked his surroundings, try to locate Deku.

He didn't know what that dream was supposed to mean, but he knew that as soon as he laid eyes on his Deku, he would feel safe. He just had to make sure it was all a dream, that Deku would never once think about doing that.

His breathing grew heavier, where was Deku? Why couldn't he find him? Could his dreams really predict the future?

He didn't know, nor did he care at this particular moment as he kept looking around.

He hadn't noticed earlier, but sweat was pouring off of him in buckets, anxiety and nerves making way for his perspiration.

He didn't know what to do. What was happening?

He couldn't breathe anymore, he couldn't think, he couldn't move, he couldn't do anything but pant heavily and sweat on his bed, the haunting dream burning through his mind like a brand. Tears welled in his eyes, blocking his vision, he was completely frozen just as he had been when Deku drove that knife into his gut with no remorse.

He couldn't stop himself, he couldn't stop doubting Deku, wondering if that was his reality? Did he finally get what he deserved, was this his fate?

A large spiral, that was what his mind was. Spiralling down, down, down, into the depths of no return, into the reality that was his dream, the pain of betrayal and the sting of agony.

Then, clear as can be, a voice cut through all of that background noise afflicting him, "Kacchan, breathe with me."

He shuddered and sobbed, as he tried to focus on the voice. He knew it was Deku, but he had to make sure, he had to see for himself that this wasn't a delusion.

"I'm right here, breathe in and out." Wobbly green hair popped into his line of sight, but it was hard to make out with Katsuki's tears running down his face.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, trying to steady him, but he flinched away almost instantly. How was he supposed to know if he could trust Deku or not?

He didn't know anymore, he didn't know.

What was reality and what wasn't? Would he ever be able to know, would he ever be able to feel truly safe? This dream would haunt him forever, of his closest friend turning on him… and stealing his body.

Dissolving into a fit of sobs and gasps, Katsuki was able to curl into a ball, his muscles finally moving where he wanted them to, protecting him from harm and the shame of disbelieving his friend.

"Kacchan…" Deku's voice trailed off, laced with sadness and confusion.

Was this his Deku?

"Kacchan, I'm here, it'll all be okay!"

Yeah, it was his Deku.

His Deku who would never purposefully harm him, his Deku who couldn't be judged by that ominous dream haunting him. At least, that's the mantra Katsuki repeated in his head over and over. No matter how fake or unrealistic a dream was, the impact of it had been imprinted upon his subconscious and sent a message of warning directly to him.

Brain frazzled, he shied away from the hand that reached out to him, missing the hurtful and confused look that appeared on Deku's face.

Instead, Katsuki was focused on claiming himself down and reaching his bearings. Just having Deku near him, the pressure and watchful eyes on him making it impossible to cleanly think anything through. It made him anxious, so his only solution was to remove the variable.

In a small voice, he asked for only one request from the other boy. "Please, alone time."

It didn't need to be eloquent, just effective enough to get Deku to leave him to sort through all the current complications eating away at him.

"Oh, okay." Katsuki heard a shuffling, and then silence.

He was alone now.

The feeling of relief flooded through him, involuntarily. As soon as it had come, it was overshadowed by the pure feeling of fear that Katsuki would start to lose faith in his partner in crime, even after he had done so much.

But, none of that mattered. What Katsuki wanted to see right now was only pure fact and nothing else. He couldn't move off of emotion, and the only reason that dream had come to him was to send a warning or highlight something shown as important.

To separate fact from love, he had to watch the Sports Festival once more.

Well, only the exact part in which Katsuki had first become overcome by Deku, from there he would be able to find out exactly the intentions towards him. Or, he would hope to, he didn't know if this would work but he clutched onto it as it was his only hope of uncovering the mystery of Deku's newfound power.

However, first he needed to lay curled up on his bed and trail into a fitful slumber that had been interrupted. If he dreamed, it could give him more information or he could dream about the trivial beauties in life such as the shapes of the clouds.

With drooping eyes that he had to fight to keep open, Katsuki let his face relax completely. Mind going blank, each of the cogs working in the background to dissent his past dream.

Katsuki faded into sleep.

A sleep of which he didn't remember whatsoever, however what he did remember was how he woke up. It was to the terrible screech of his house's door bell being rung several times in a row.

How cruel.

Katsuki groaned, no sight of Deku still (and reminding himself of what he was supposed to be doing now). After getting up and opening the nearest window to take a peek at the situation below, Katsuki began to heavily frown. Two men were waiting on the porch for either Katsuki's old man or hag to open the door.

On of which was a very sickly looking man, bones meatless

Next to him was a man who made Katsuki gasp in surprise and anger.

It was Double Eyebags.

That fucker, what was he doing here?

From the way both men were impeccably dressed in suits, Katsuki assumed they were here for something important, and it wasn't insurance.

If it had been anyone else, Katsuki would've ignored it completely and went back to pulling up the video which had been eating away at his mind.

But this, he could not ignore, electing instead to see what all the fuss was about and why those fucking teachers were showing up at his door.

Minutes later, while he was still brushing his teeth before heading down, the old hag called for him, and he knew that he wasn't going to like whatever was going to happen.

---

If he could bite his fingernails, then Izuku would be doing so at this moment. The room was full of tension that he couldn't deal with, from Mitsuki and Masaru sitting with Katsuki across their waiting room table where two teachers from U.A's Hero Course sat.

Well, that's how they had introduced themselves, Izuku couldn't be too sure since he had never seen either of them on the news in all the years he had been a rabid fanboy.

Although, it was a little hard to believe the two men in front of him were heroes. One, being a skinny blonde man with a hallowed face whose bones you could practically see through his huge suit. The other black haired man he could only describe as an embodiment of… exhaustion. His resting face was very annoyed almost as if he wanted to be anywhere but there, eyebags prominent against his pale skin. He was wrapped in bandages, but Izuku couldn't recall any recent fights where heroes had gotten that injured… except maybe... But that couldn't be right could it?

Might this be the black haired figure he saw glimpses of during the Unforeseen Simulation Joint, the injured teacher for Class 1-A?

What was he doing here?

Times like these, it hurt him to be unheard. He didn't have a voice nor a true existence so he was stuck with only having Kacchan. Oh how much he wishes to be able to shout out and ask what kind of heroes they were, what their quirks were,he just wanted to know so much. He was practically vibrating with curiosity and the thirst for knowledge.

"Would you like any tea?" Masaru started the conversation off civilly, as per usual. Izuku had been in the Bakugou household for long enough to understand how most family discussions went, because of that he wouldn't assume this would be going any better.

Kacchan was already sporting a scowl on his face and Mitsuki looked very suspicious of the two men in front of her.

"Oh, no, it's quite alright." The skinny man answered a little nervously. And honestly, Izuku would be too in his shoes. No one ever went up against Mitsuki and wasn't at least a little afraid.

"Let's cut right to it then," Katsuki's rough voice interrupted, clearly impacient, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

The black haired man's eye bags seemed to darken, "We are here to request permission for your son, Bakugou Katsuki, to be admitted into the Hero Course at U.A High School."

There was complete silence.

It was almost as if a pin dropped as Kacchan stared at the pair with anger and confusion.

Izuku didn't know what to think.

Kacchan, a hero?

It was his dream come true. A dream he had ended up ruining. It was almost funny how Kacchan and Izuku had ended each other's lives.

Izuku would never blame Kacchan for what happened to him, but he had an indisputable part to play in his decision. As for him, the day Izuku had died it was clear all hopes and dreams had gone with him.

But now? He was getting that opportunity again.

Izuku knew he could be good. He could be more than that, he had the potential and the spirit to become the best, he always had it.

Maybe it was a little selfish of him, but Izuku wouldn't let him give up on this and give up on becoming a hero. Kacchan could do everything Izuku only wished he had the chance to, and he wouldn't let it pass him by.

He needed it.

Izuku needed it.

But he couldn't say anything… Kacchan wouldn't listen to him about this, especially with so many people who were also around and would talk over him, unable to see that he existed and was there.

But, as the silence grew longer he itched to tell Kacchan to just take the deal, to figure out the repercussions and logistics later, but finally be able to follow his wrecked dream.

"Kacchan.." He uneasily began, taking his shot, but a booming laughter interrupted him completely.

He didn't have to guess who had been laughing, only one person would find the concept of Kacchan being accepted as a hero as a joke, regardless of how appreciative to her Izuku was, she never took him seriously.

"WHAT A JOKE." Mitsuki had tears welling in the corner of her eyes, mouth open wide as boisterous laugh after laugh broke through the piercing silence.

No one else dared to speak, Izuku observing the two teachers giving each other a glance, before they waited for the laughter to stop.

But, Izuku wasn't focused on those guests or the entire Bakugou household, but one Bakugou in particular. Kacchan's fists were clenched white and his lips were set in a firm line, eyebrows furrowed. It would be hard to tell if this reaction was due to the announcement of possibly being a hero or his mother assuming it was a joke, but Izuku knew him better than that. Something like being offered a hero spot isn't as angering as learning how little your family has faith in you, wanted or unwanted, that would never change.

As such, there was only one natural thing Izuku wanted to do, and that was comfort Kacchan. He would sit next to him in what little room there was left and place his own cold hand on the warm clenched fist. Kacchan would smile at him, and forget about Mitsuki to pursue his own goals.

Or at least, that's how it would work ideally. Izuku knew that with what had occured in his dream, he had been involved somehow and he had hurt Kacchan to the point where he was now wary of him.

He couldn't help but think it had to be related to his harsh tone at the Sports Festival and the cruel words he had to use after Kacchan started to revert into a different person, acting hostile toward him in a way he hadn't seen in months.

He had replayed those words he used in his mind again and again wondering if it had spurred this dream, had made Kacchan realize that Izuku was a weakness for him, one that could easily be accidentally and purposefully exploited.

It didn't take a genius to figure out, as that Invisible Girl had already started to.

Why did this have to be so hard? Izuku lamented while he kept his distance from the other boy, not wanting to make the situation worse.

Instead, he elected that if need be, he would step in and try to help (what that meant exactly, he wasn't sure of yet). Similar to an onion, he had to peel back each layer and get to the heart of the matter, the unspoken that only he could pick up.

However, for now he had to watch this situation unfurl, he was a great observer wasn't he? It had never caused him any trouble before now and it probably wouldn't ever… So he couldn't aggravate this situation by forcefully involving himself.

Regardless of how he thought of Kacchan and him as brothers, they weren't actually, and this was an important family matter he had no rights to interrupt.

"Oh, it wasn't a joke?" Mitsuki was still wiping tears from her eyes when she made that remark, drawing Izuku's attention once more.

"No, we are offering him a transfer into the course." The gruff man with long black hair said frankly. The straightforwardness of his tone was appreciated, but didn't help to tame Kacchans pure annoyance.

"Oh are you fucking serious?" And there it was. The fuse had finally run out and now the dynamite was exploding right before their eyes, "Do you not remember my entire fucking rant about how the Hero Course was incapable and couldn't even protect their own students? Oh, that's right, you weren't there. You were busy dying because you didn't listen, but now you have a second chance to listen to me, so read my lips. I ain't going to your shitty course."

His tone was very sten and unstable. Speeding up and slowing down, so that it was spoken all in one breath, but the words were heard. The teachers were staring up in a mixed batch of anger, shame, and exasperation. Somewhere during his ranting, Kacchan had stood up and began to lean over the table to get in their faces and now he was breathing harder, the exertion from his breathless speech getting to him.

Izuku did think he made some good points, but he was closing himself off before an incredible opportunity with a close-minded approach.

But, he guessed, Kacchan was just too stubborn to ever change his mind so suddenly.

"He said it." Mitsuki whacked the back of Kacchan's head in a playful manner, still resulting in her receiving an angry growl from the boy.

"We respect your decisions, but… ah…" The blonde man began to speak, but he seemed to be nervous and off-put by all the negative attention focused on him at once, "It'd be better to take some time to uh- think about it, and get back to us… if that works, of course!"

"You've got to be the worst salesman I've ever encountered" Mitsuki blinked, unconvinced by the man's words.

"What she means is that we will talk about it as a family and let you know our decision." Masaru, ever the peacemaker, interjected with a calming smile on his face.

"Oh, okay." The blonde man seemed unsure about what the answer was, but took Masaru's word for it.

The black haired man nodded in response, before both of them left the seats they were given, pushing them back into the table just as they had been placed upon the two men's arrival. They politely bowed to the Bakusous sitting in front of them, walking towards the door to exit and leave.

"Oh!" Masaru leapt up, quickly shuffling so that he could reach the door first and open it for the visitors as a sign of hospitality.

Izuku thought that was the end of it, but right before the black haired man walked out the door, he turned back around and fixed Kacchan with a calculating gaze.

The next parting words he spoke would forever have Izuku pondering.

"If you turn this down, there won't be much of a future for you at U.A."

With that, he turned back and walked out the door, leaving more questions than answers in his stead.

Were they going to kick Kacchan out if he didn't move into the Hero Course? Or was it just to warn him about a lacking future that he would only be disappointed with? Maybe he was just reading into it too much and it was an empty threat.

Well, regardless it was clearly enough to stun the Bakugous. Masaru was still holding the door open, clutching it much harder than before with white knuckles.

"HUHHH?" Mitsuki dragged out angrily, probably taking whatever was said as a direct threat. Kacchan would probably be taking it the exact same way, Izuku just knew and not only because of Mitsuki's initial reaction, but because he was Kacchan.

"What did that punk just say?" Mitsuki growled out, shaking her fists angrily as Masaru quietly closed the door, not wanting to attract any attention from his wife's antics.

"Nevermind that, this is a family decision and he has no place in it." He amicably said, sitting back down across from Kacchan who had yet to move from his place.

"Well said, sweetie!" Mitsuki smiled and took her place next to him, "So, brat…"

"This isn't a family decision." Kacchan interrupted, anger shining behind his eyes and fuelling him, "It's my decision, and I say no."

"Hold on, Katsuki." Masaru placed his hands out in a calming manner, "It is where you go to school and get an education, but our opinions also matter in this, so hear us out too!"

"Why?"

Izuku could tell he was impatient and wanted to leave as soon as possible, but with something this serious they would most likely be here debating for a long time. Masaru wanting Mitsuki and Kacchan to be open to new opportunities and Mitsuki shouting with Kacchan over the smallest thing, even though they probably agreed with each other for the most part.

"Well… b-because, it would uhm… it would," Masaru tumbled his way through, clearly not thinking this far ahead with what he was going to say.

"What he means to say is that you're not the only one who lives in this fucking house." Mitsuki stepped in, "A lot of change would need to be made. But if you choose not to, you could regret it."

"Thank you, yes."

"But for the sake of this, I agree with the little brat, it would be useless to go and he already made up his mind, we can't force him."

"MITSUKI!"

"What?"

Masaru massaged his head with his hands, clearly upset at how Mistuki was choosing to handle this specific situation. Izuku opened his mouth to comfort him, before realizing he couldn't. Masaru would never hear him, never know that there was someone else who too understood what he had to go through and why it was so infuriating, yet special at the same exact time.

Mitsuki and Kacchan, Masaru and Izuku. Personalities similar enough that between each person's relationships and each duo, there were many commonalities overlapping.

It was kind of funny almost, the way Kacchan had found him, following the footsteps of his mother to befriend someone so unlike herself. Someone who could balance out her aggression and spontaneity with calmness and understanding.

Although, all of this was coming from Izuku's perspective. His view on it probably wasn't accurate to the real experience since no matter how much he was around them, he was still just a shadow that could only look in.

Maybe all he had to say was a fantasy, an ideal where everyone had a perfect half that they had yet to find and maybe that was something he didn't actually need to search for. Mitsuki had Masaru, and he so desperately wanted to have Kacchan to be there for him.

But he knew he had to be there for Kacchan instead.

He didn't know whether he could call what they had a relationship, a friendship. Those were about giving and taking but so far Izuku never had the chance to take, he had given up on his life, his soul, and took nothing in return but an empty pit forever to be hallowed into his stomach.

What was he doing?

Sitting in on a conversation like this because he wanted to help Kacchan? After he had seemed practically scared by his presence in the morning?

This was all too much.

He had died to escape from all of this, from the pain of living each day with no one to care for him, from the physical pain of the beatings and poisonous words being thrown at him again and again.

Now he was back, no words or physical pain and one person who he knew cared and loved him.

One person.

Was that enough for him? Or would it be too selfish to be wishing for more people he could depend on in relationships where he wasn't the only one taking.

Even so, thinking all of that from where he had zoned out in the midst of the Bakugou's all arguing with one another, he knew he couldn't change anything about what was currently going on. Kacchan needed him, and Izuku knew he would be lost without the other boy's brash attitude and sweet comforting words.

He loved him, simple as that. Whether it was healthy, productive, a bad idea, or due to him having no other choices didn't matter. He promised to be by Kacchan's side, which wasn't going to be as easy as he made it out to be, but it was something he had to try.

No, not even try.

Simply do.

That includes making sure Kacchan could grow, stay safe, and help Izuku grow in return and to hopefully build a good relationship overtime that Izuku could really be proud of, not just the hastily glued remains of a broken pot that was too far cracked. They could make it.

And the very first step of ensuring that was by convincing him to join U.A's Hero Course.

---

Katsuki knew what he was about to do was probably a very bad idea. He knew it would only anger him and probably get him to throw some things in his house, but he needed to do it.

He was going to watch the reruns of the U.A First Year Sports Festival.

The reason for this was originally to figure out what it would look like when Deku entered his body and maybe learn about what happened during that.

It was connected to the dream he had earlier, worrying him immensely. Although, he hadn't seen Deku much today other than when those fuckers from U.A decided to come to his house and spit some shit at him about joining the Hero Course, where he had been lurking very obviously.

That entire conversation, and the shouting match that followed had been fucking pointless. Katsuki would've been almost anywhere except for there at that moment.

His old man tried too hard, and the old hag was the old hag. There was nor reasoning with her, or reasoning that she would try to understand from him.

Didn't matter anyway, he just wanted to watch this so he could get it over with. If he saw how Deku was able to occupy him, it would help him understand the entire situation better. Even if he was having issues determining if this new skill Deku had was positive or negative in nature, to be used for him, against him, or not at all.

Dreams were a fickle thing. He wanted to say he knew he could trust Deku with absolutely everything, with his life, his love, his conscience, but there was always a small piece of him that doubted whether that was even possible.

Was it possible for someone as amazing as the Deku that Katsuki used to know to exist? Did he still exist or was that what had passed that fateful day, instead of Deku?

Gah, what the fuck was he thinking?

Of course Deku was fine, he just needed to see what happened to him and hopefully along the way avoid all of the possible new articles that he knew were circulating around the internet.

Fuck, why was this so hard to do. All he needed to do was turn on his computer, pull up a few videos after a quick search and analyze them carefully. His nerves stemmed from the fear that he was going to find something he didn't like, something that exposed his best friend drastically.

At the same time, he was so mad at himself for even suggesting that being possible.

He just didn't know what to do.

If only he could ask Deku if he would watch with him, his analysis would be so much better and they would be able to work this issue out, have a good conversation on it.

Things were too awkwards between them right now though, and his lurking fears prevented him from ever reaching out.

Maybe Deku giving him space was a good idea. They had a fight earlier and he had proven himself, so maybe all he had to do was prove that he was capable and figure out what was happening, whether to expose Deku or to enhance him, to build them back up again.

Whatever, he just hoped all his questions would be answered with this video.

He scrolled down to the video where it read his match against Eyebags.

Clicking on it, he sighed.

This was not going to be a pleasant experience. Having his utter fear showcased once again, no matter how far the cameras are away, he would be able to feel it again.

The sheer panic and pain locked beneath him was something he never, ever, wanted to revisit. Yet no matter his wishes, it always seemed to come back and haunt him.

Fuck was it so hard to ask for a break?

Katsuki rubbed his eyes, what was he doing honestly?

He was tired of these self-pity parties as well, but when his mind was alone it seemed to be the only thing he could put his mind on.

Now, though, he had the videos to distract himself with. That was partly the reason he decided to watch them, he needed to get his brain focused on something other than his thoughts.

Clicking start on the video, he situated himself in his chair.

The battle wasn't going to be long, but Katsuki knew it would feel like ages.

This time he was able to focus a little bit more on the commentary that Loudmouth was offering.

"And here we have it folks, the match between two very promising General Education Students, Bakugou Katsuki and Shinsou Hitoshi!" He said it dramatically, as though this were some kind of a gameshow, not a First Years High School Festival.

Wow, that was kind of pathetic. But what did you expect from a radio show host? And a radio show host who had no empathy for anyone who wasn't a Hero Course student at that, "promising" his ass, that was a lousy introduction with bits of sympathy thrown in to make him look good.

But this wasn't about Loudmouth, it was about Deku and what he could do, so he kept on watching and let the fight play out.

It was honestly a pretty boring fight, if he had to say so himself. The words that Eyebags had used to provoke him, now only made him angrier. And that wasn't because of the content of the words themselves, but how much he let himself be affected by them, how easy it was for Eyebags to take control and completely dominate their battle. What was he, some weak hearted… boy, who couldn't stand up for himself?

He quickly paused the video, trying to take in what he had just seen and quickly internalize it before continuing on with the match.

The sense of the whole thing, the needless commentary, sound of Eyebags' voice commanding him, the blank look as he walked on by without a care in the world, and the mixed bag of anger, surprise, contentment, and indifference on the audiences' faces.

All of it was something he hadn't seen before, so caught up in the very own prison realm that happened to be his mind.

Staring there, watching the screen, he got a sinking impression. Katsuki got the feeling that when the audience members had looked upon him at that moment, all they saw was a stain. A weakness of his that could easily become exploited.

If being called a simple bully could do him that much harm, what would a villain do?

Not that he ever had to worry about villains because there was no fucking way he was going into the Hero Course, not if he had anything to say about it.

His brows furrowed deeply.

It wasn't the time to think about this. He had never cared for the general's opinion on him and he wasn't going to start caring either, but for now he had a job to do and he was going to do it right. Thus, instead of focusing on the audience, Katsuki tried to look for himself and where Deku could be… near the stands or the sidelines?

Even with pausing the video it was near impossible to find him.

Could it be that he made sure to steer clear of cameras because of Katsuki's paranoia? Or did he just not show up on film as exposed in an early ghost movie.

No, there was no way that was possible, Katsuki's eyes kept roaming before finally, he spotted him. He had just entered the frame before it cut away from the view. He was near the top of the stands, making his way down slowly it seemed.

But, the camera was far enough away that it was almost impossible to tell what emotions were plastered on his face… What was he feeling? Why was he getting closer and closer down?

Katsuki kept watching in the hopes that any number of the confusions swimming along in his head would be answered.

But as he continued on, all he saw was nothing, nothing, with a bit of nothing sprinkled in. It went as he had expected it to go, his memory serving him well enough.

Would this even be worth it? Katsuki quickly pondered, before shutting the idea down. Because right on the screen was a pretty decent view of him moving on his own, almost in a trance of sorts. His pacing particularly was all weird, shuffling forward like he had a specific destination in mind. And well, he did, Katsuki supposed as he studied the screen for when Deku would enter, cringing at the view of himself falling for such an easy trap.

He was a little more than halfway there when Deku suddenly sped down, his actions frantic and concerned. Katsuki inferred that Deku would've expected Katsuki to break free by now. Or for him to be able to do anything to escape from the grapple which had him glued to such a course. Of course, as Katsuki knew, this was not going to be happening whatsoever. He just waits for the on-screen Deku to come to the same exact realization he had preconceived from the Festival in real time.

And sure enough, after a few minutes rushing down to his side was none other than Deku himself. That didn't surprise him, but what he did next was sure to.

He waved his hand in front of Katsuki's face.

He shook Katsuki's shoulder.

He tried shoving him, tripping him, calling out to him, kissing his cheek, slapping his face, he tried anything to get Katsuki's body snapped out of the trance.

But none of it worked.

The shocking part was that Deku didn't use his weird possession ability outright. Either he wanted to conserve its power, would only use it when necessary, or didn't know it existed and thus couldn't save Katsuki with it right away.

Each possible option, without any evidence to back it up, amounted to no real answer which Katsuki could use as a jumping off point in proving Deku's conscious thoughts one way or another.

He could make assumptions and infer information one way or another, but insofar he had no concrete proof, on either side, of what Deku had been thinking throughout this process.

Hungrily, Katsuki watched the screen for more. More evidence, more facts, and more signals that would prove him paranoid and Deku safe. That's all he wanted to be able to find.

But, as he continued his scoping, he didn't really find much of that anywhere.

Deku had tried to get his attention for a while longer, before seemingly giving up. At this point Katsuki could see his body getting dangerously close to the border signifying the outside of the stadium, his loss was approaching imminently.

And from what he saw, Deku was powerless to stop it. He seems vastly conflicted, at least from what Katsuki could see, which made him a bit regretful for having put him in such a cruel box when trying to pinpoint the loyalties he already knew were stronger than their blood.

All of that was present, but what Katsuki had missed in those slight seconds he now saw, was determination.

Deku had brought himself to be oriented face to face with Katsuki, placing his hands upon the other boy's shoulder.s No matter how Katsuki's body moved on autopilot, Deku was right there to match it as he continued to yell different words and phrases at Katsuki.

And surprise, surprise, none of them actually worked.

Sighing, Katsuki rubbed his face wondering when it was going to turn into Deku winning, just how far away from him losing would he be revived from? This had developed into a matter of pride for him, one that he'd prefer to be the one fighting instead of Deku and his bumbling uncontrolled body.

Wait! Where did Deku go?

He seemed to have disappeared from the frame completely, startling Katsuki when he glanced back at the screen for any developments. And goodness, was this a development.

Clicking back ten seconds, Katsuki watched again and made sure his thoughts wouldn't distract him this time. He had to see exactly how this happened, or what was involved in the process of it.

Okay, Deku placing his hands on the shoulders of Katsuki, Katsuki walking forward and into him, and then Deku disappearing.

Okay, what else?

WAIT WHAT.

Katsuki backtracked once more, only to see Deku being absorbed into his body right as he walked into his spirit ethereal form. So this shit was his fault? Of fucking course it was, even if it could've happened anytime, it was clear that Katsuki was the one who made the step forward and Deku forgot to take that step back.

Still, Katsuki kept on watching for ever more clues as to what exactly those clues would be after what he had just seen, he had no idea. Being his fault, he couldn't say whether or not Deku was completely off the hook, but watching more wouldn't hurt either.

Everything had changed. Deku was gone, Katsuki had stopped his ascent into loss and then suddenly he was turning around.

It wasn't graceful or robotic, instead he turned almost as if every limb in his body was against it, he was sluggishly pulled on a string to his destination. The audible gasp of everyone in the audience overshadowed Loudmouth's startled announcement over this unseemly 'plot twist.'

Katsuki snorted, nothing beat Eyebags' reaction to his weird movements forward. He looked horrified, but to be fair if Katsuki saw another person walk towards him almost like a zombie, he might think the same.

It was so unnatural and strange, Katsuki found it a little humorous.

And then suddenly… It ended.

The Katsuki on the screen was about three fourths of the way to where Eyebags stood stunned, and then he could see Deku emerge from his body. All his limbs visibly relaxed and he stopped in his tracks once again.

As expected, the Katsuki of the past on the screen seemed pretty stunned by the clearance of control over him. So Deku really had released him… He remembered being able to punch Eyebags in the face using his own will, so this was most likely how he was able to do that… But why? Why would Deku give up the chance he had to have a physical body that could better interact with objects?

The answer to this question was the crux of the solution to Katsuki's worries and pains. If he knew this, he wouldn't have to worry about anything regarding Deku's loyalty, he wouldn't have to deal with the pain of doubting Deku for even the smallest reason. That or his suspicions would be increased by tenfold, it all depended on what Deku was able to relay to him about the incident.

Mindlessly, he watched the screen as the match finished up with him satisfyingly punching Eyebags in the face. It felt just as good to watch it happen as it did to do it and a minute or two later as Eyebags was disqualified, he was announced the winner along with the other usual pleasantries that Loudmouth decided to spout, and then the video ended.

That was it.

Fuck that had showed him nothing.

Well, if anything it showed that if Deku really was so power-hungry why did he leave? He could've stayed in Katsuki's body and kept him there forever. Maybe there were factors he wasn't aware of, but from his perspective it truly did look like Deku had only wanted to help. Whatever his help was worth. In this case, it had only left Katsuki pained with the knowledge that he should've lost the Sports Festival. Deku was his own person, he wasn't a fucking quirk, and that meant he had cheated.

Slamming his fist down on his desk, Katsuki grimaced.

One problem solved, a dozen new ones popped up.

No matter how many times he rewatched the video, Katsuki knew there was no answer available to him that would satisfy him.

He was glad Deku was on his side, but his actions had backfired in a very seeable, but hopefully, unintended way.

Katsuki honestly didn't know what to do at this point, does he move on from the past and pretend like it never happened, does he talk to Deku about it and try to see what he was thinking or if he knew more about this phenomenon than he was letting on?

He wanted to ask so many questions, but didn't feel like he had the right to do so after everything they had both been through.
Fuck… He did need to know though, so maybe he'd ask a basic question and go from there? If he was unsure about something he'd keep it on hold and only directly ask what was needed.

No, but that wouldn't do anything, he needed the specifics cleared up.

All of this was weighing him down so much, he just… He just needed a break from it. Massaging his forehead, his eyes found themselves back onto his computer screen where the video had concluded.

Wait a minute...

Huh.

The next suggested video after his fight against Eyebags was his battle with the icy hot bastard. He didn't know what compelled him to do so, but he clicked on it immediately.

This could be the distraction he had been seeing out and if anything he could pinpoint it down to him wanting to make sure everything was as he remembered it being, his victory assured and mistakes minimal. After watching his battle against Eyebags which he considered to be a complete loss on his behalf, he needed a win.

Although, the longer he intently watched the fight, the more angry he grew.

What the actual fuck was this?

Katsuki could write off most of their battle, he had made a few mistakes that were worthy of a grimace, but so had icy boy. They were both inexperienced with true battle, so it was viable that they'd make errors in judgment during the stress and constant fighting.

Even if some could've been obviously avoidable, it didn't impact Katsuki that much, nor did it truly annoy him.

But towards the end of the fight, he started to grow impatient. What was he doing? The shouting, the prepping for his ultimate move, all of it was taking precious time that he could've been using to strike unexpectedly.

Whatever, that was all fine and had already been done. Nothing could be done by getting angry after experiencing that situation.

What was infinitely worse, what filled Katsuki with rage and anger unlike any seen before was what happened after the fact.

On the screen, the lights flashing were so blinding it was hard to see what was happening anyway. Even with the special camera lens used, there wasn't much control from either party due to the nature of their quirks.

Katsuki didn't care about that... No he cared that he won by a measly FOUR FUCKING SECONDS.

Were they joking? He passed out four seconds after icy bastard did, which apparently left him as the victor.

In a real battle against a villain that wouldn't be a victory, and it wasn't a victory now.

Was he that pathetic that his victory came only because he stayed conscious for a few measly seconds after icy hot.

That didn't prove skill, it didn't prove that he had come far or tried his best to succeed, it proved absolutely shit. That wasn't a victory, it wasn't a win, he wasn't that good. He didn't beat that fucker, he was standing at the same podium as him. How was Deku even able to face him? He knew he could never disappoint the other boy, or at least he would never show it, but he worried he wasn't enough. Deku probably knew it too, he would be able to do so much better or at least could lose with more dignity than Katsuki had won with.

What was the use of him getting so happy when he hadn't actually won? He only endured a hazy battle for four seconds, he did not fight gallantly and stayed standing up like a true winner. Seconds meant nothing to him, he thought he had done so much better than mere seconds of time between when icy boy and his own passing out.

Immediately after seeing the footage, Katsuki shut his computer down, not wanting to see another minute of it.

Leaning back on his chair, he put his head in his hands and sighed deeply.

Couldn't anything go right? Why wouldn't the universe let him finally have a win, finally succeed through his own hard work? Did he need to work even harder, was that it?

He felt so angry and so lost at what to do.

A gentle voice spoke out from behind him, "Kacchan, can I talk to you for a moment?"

Katsuki would be honest, it made him jump a little, as he blinked his eyes open to see Deku standing in his doorway. The other boy seemed very anxious as he was fidgeting and wouldn't look Katsuki in the face.

"About what?" Katsuki didn't know how to interact with Deku at this moment. Right now he had to make the split second decision of whether he would listen and trust Deku or not. Would he stay his distance or keep him close as a best friend?

It didn't take any internal debate for Katsuki to settle on an answer. He couldn't keep pushing Deku away, expecting him to run back again and again.

It was in this second, that Katsuki's mind was brought back to the fatal incident months ago. He had done massive damage to Deku, so what was he so scared for?

Seeing Deku cowering in front of him again, he remembered that he had caused Deku to be like this, trapped by his side and constantly suffering. He had done something so horrible, he couldn't even bring himself to fully address it.

If anyone deserved the satisfaction of turning on Katsuki, it would be Deku, and he would deserve such a thing. It was so selfish of him to be scared of Deku because of that fucking dream. So what if he takes his body? He's bound to do better things with it than Katsuki ever could hope.

At the same time, Katsuki was pissed with himself for ever suggesting that someone like Deku would act that way. Someone who had stuck with him so long, even when he suggested the worst thing someone ever could, and someone to was always giving to him without expecting anything in return.

He would ask Deku what had happened during the Sports Festival, and he was going to listen and believe whatever he had to say because he was the one person Katsuki could fully trust with everything.

"Ah just about earlier with those-"

"We ain't talking about this." Katsuki rubbed his face, stretching as he stood out of his chair, "I've spent too much time thinking about it."

"But not talking?" Deku challegened, sitting on Katsuki's bed. Katsuki just grunted in response, taking a seat next to him.

For a few moments, both of them sat next to each other in silence. Neither Katsuki nor Deku really knew how to carry on the conversation, and the silence wasn't that awkward. (For Deku it was, but Katsuki felt comfortable.)

Deku's face was thoughtfully concentrated as he kept opening and closing his mouth. Katsuki was waiting for him to speak, but it seemed as though he had yet to find the right words he wanted to say.

Finally, Deku opened his mouth and started the dialogue up again, "So Kacchan… I was wondering if… uh… how do I say this? If-if uh maybe we could discuss what, uh, what happened at the, you know, Sports Festival?"

Katsuki nodded, urging Deku to continue with what he was saying. If he was right, then the conversation he wanted to have about whatever weird ghost possession shit Deku did, was about to happen right now.

Thankfully.

Against all of his expectations, Deku entered a deep bow and began to frantically shout out apologetic regrets, "I am really sorry for what I did. I didn't mean to cause you so much hurt and bring back bad memories… I hope you know I really as just trying to help, well maybe it didn't work as well as I wanted to and you didn't need the help, but it was really bothering me and-"

While Katsuki wasn't completely against Deku apologizing to him for what had happened, he still wanted to have a more in-depth conversation about the situation. He wanted to know what had spurred that idea that he could overtake Katsuki's body, if he had been able to do this all along or if it was a newly acquired skill he had activated purely on instinct.

"Deku, it's fine" He had interrupted mid-rant, he didn't need to fluster and embarrass himself if Katsuki understood what he meant. But, he did have a few questions he wanted to ask, "Let me just ask, when'd you learn you could first do it?"

Deku looked up at him, getting out of the bow. His face was flushed with red, but there was still a level of confusion in his eyes.

"Well it's not really anything special…"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?"

"Ah.." Deku's eyes widened, as if assessing to see whatever it was he had said wrong, before changing his tune, "I guess for me it is, but for you-"

"For me?" Katsuki's voice was steely as he wheeled his chair around for a better angle, "And how did I have to do anything with this?"

"Kacchan, you're the one who started it." Deku winced suddenly, the words that had come out of his mouth were not the ones he had intended, "I didn't mean it like that, all… all I meant was that it was as a result of your actions?"

"HAH?" Katsuki stood up from his chair, "Whatever, it was my actions. Doesn't explain how you did it though."

"Oh… I see then." Deku furrowed his brows in uncertainty, "All I did was prepare myself a lot, uh because-because I was scared. And uhm then I opened my mouth and came right at you."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

"Fucking hell, this is serious Deku. You can't tell me you possessed my body by opening your mouth real wide, what is this?" Katsuki sighed, shaking his head back and forth.

"Possession?"

"Huh?"

"What?"

"What?"

"The fuck?" Katsuki scratched his chin, suddenly unsure about the entire situation "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Deku started gaping like a fish, mouth opening and closing. "We were talking about how I got really angry and blew up at you, mentioning some cruel things during the Festival."

"No, it was about how you were able to get control of my body against fucking Eyebags."

"It was?"

"Fucking Deku."

Deku just laughed in return, sheepishly scratching at the back of his neck. He seemed tense, but not as much as when he had first come through the door to ask about what had been said in the room.

Katsuki knew it had to be addressed or else Deku would be staying in this quite awkward state, midway between regretting his actions and not knowing how to handle talking about them in the slightest way.

"Jeez." Katsuki whispered under his breath, "I don't care for what you said. We addressed it already, dweeb. While it did hurt like a bitch, didn't I say I deserved it for acting that way?"

"That's true, but-" Deku tried to start again.

"But nothing. Stop with the fucking pity party already. I said it's fine, so it's fine."

Deku nodded, offering a small smile to Katsuki for sorting through the worry he had held onto.

"Now, what the fuck do you know about possession and how were you able to do what you did against Eyebags?"

"I really have no clue. Deku sighed sadly, his nervousness dwindling as he stammered left often, "If I could help you out, you know I would. But, in that situation the only thing on my mind was to save you, I don't think I was really thinking things through."

"Yeah, that's obvious." Katsuki snorted at the younger boy. But deep down he was glad he had come to his rescue. Even if it was probably against the rules and he should've lost that round, he couldn't help but feel grateful for Deku. "Until we figure out whatever the fuck happened and what exactly caused it, don't do it again."

"Oh… Oh! Uh, right Kacchan, I won't" Deku mock saluted him, trying to brighten up the somewhat serious mood Katsuki had invited into his room and sustained for a long enough time that it was getting to become almost suffocating.

Katsuki felt like with the skittishness Deku was displaying, he couldn't ask anymore questions about the incident. He was too scared to do it, scared about what Deku might say or what his reaction could be, so he pushed it down for whenever it was that he would manage to find the bravery to ask.

He loved Deku, and that's why he couldn't ask.

"The real question is, what do we do next?"

Katsuki turned his head, looking into Deku's eyes. He could tell the other boy was hiding something from him, Deku had never been good at trying to hide the truth or lie. He just didn't know if it would be worthwhile to mention. Did it have to do with his possession? Because that would be pretty fucking important. Did he have more to say about those words he had shared, the blunt weapons he had used to cut into Katsuki's heart. Or did he want to mention how he believed them, how problematic Katsuki was and how he was never there for the other boy.

Katsuki wasn't able to tell that much, but it caused him a massive amount of panic to think about the notion that Deku was hiding something from him. That he didn't feel as though Katsuki was worthy of telling him an important detail or fact. At the same time, after knowing Deku for his entire life, he knew he wouldn't try to hide something unless there was a reason. Or, at least he had to run with that assumption to ease his mind.

"I uh actually had something I wanted to talk to you about," Deku said quietly, eyes pointed at the floor, "Wasn't sure if I should be mentioning it because you didn't express a interest in attending but I thought maybe just talking it through to figure things out would be a good idea. Of course, you don't really have to do this and I don't want to pressure you, however I think it's a really good idea and it'll help… yeah.. It'll help you improve and-"

And here he was, going on a high speed rant that Katsuki couldn't quite keep up with. He didn't understand anything past Deku mentioning he wanted to talk about something, but he was sure after knowing Deku for as long as he had that everything said after that was just nerves.

Wait…. Could this be what he was hiding, was he ready to share the secrets hidden beneath the pools in his eyes? Even if it was a slight possibility, Katsuki had to slow him down before anything, and then let the mystery unravel.

"Oi, stop right there." Katsuki waved his hands up, stopping Deku's ranting, "Quit the rambling, nerd."

"Oh.." Deku looked around the room as if just realizing he had been whipping out words at a rapid speed. "That's my bad Kacchan! So, I was saying I think you should join the Hero Courses."

...

There was a moment of pure silence as Katsuki stared up at Deku in a mix of confusion, anger, and annoyance.

He was staring back with an impassive face, trying to gauge Katsuk's reaction, not that it was hard to figure out, in a way of maybe avoiding any mass yelling?

They both knew it wasn't going to turn out the way he wanted the second that Katsuki overcame his shock at hearing those specific words and decided to open his mouth.

"WHAT?"

Deku sighed, he was used to Katsuki's bursts of anger, and now that he knew what was going to happen his apprehension had somewhat faded. It was time for him to convince the other boy into just listening to him for a second, if he even could do such a thing.

"There's no fucking way." Katsuki angrily stood up, crossing his arms.

"But Kacchan, hear-"

"You were there, you heard what I fucking said to those shitty teachers about my stance. It hasn't changed." Katsuki interrupted, too hell-bent on getting his position out there so that Deku would give up. He didn't want or deserve to be there, so he wasn't going to be.

"Kacchan, just listen to what I have to say!" Deku explained, trying to draw Katsuki's attention long enough so that he couldn't be talked over.

"And why should I do that?" He argued back.

"Because you promised you wouldn't give up on me, and I you." Deku was determined as he steeled his gaze to Katsuki, eyes gleaming with hope. A lost hope, Katsuki hoped Deku would soon realize. And while the nerd did have a point, he didn't know if he could do it, even if he desperately wanted to (which he didn't). Clearly, the Hero Course showed no signs of protection or even growth for its students… so why the fuck did Deku want him there? He knew that this would either end in agreement or wouldn't end at all, if their last fight was any kind of guide.

Fuck this was going to be harder than he thought.

"Since when was this giving up?" Katsuki growled back unintentionally, "Gah, fuck. Look, I don't wanna be near those bastards, and I don't have to be near them. I'll be fine using my quirk on my own and being the fucking best, you got that nerd?"

Even though he said the words, he didn't feel them. They had begun to taper the second he mentioned his quirk. It had been the one topic he was avoiding until this very moment, the one he swore not to bring up to save his own mind from.

But now, he couldn't help it.

The dam he had set up in his mind had just been breached and there an entire fucking flood that was heading straight for him, drowning him and tossing him from left to right until there was nothing left.

Because, before now, it hadn't fully hit him that he had used his quirk. He used it against humans, people . It was no longer just target practice cans and bottles set up with the occasional stuffed doll for added dramatics, no.

There were human beings.

Soft, fleshy, humans who could easily be injured and given permanent harm to. He had been hurting people just as he had done with Deku. Nothing had changed at all, no matter how far he thought he had come there were still medical trips his opponents had to make because of the burns lacing their skin.

He did that.

He caused all of that.

Suddenly, he wasn't with Deku in his room arguing about whether or not he was going to join the Hero Course, but he was in a tiny room.

It was closing in on him, walls shrinking and closing tighter and tighter with each breath he breathed. In the back of his mind, Katsuki told himself to break free of the walls around him, but he couldn't as they morphed into the faces of friends and foes alike.

He couldn't do this, there was no way he could do this. He couldn't face those who used his quirk against him and those he used his quirk against… anyone who had gone up against him was just added to the number of stab wounds taken to Katsuki's heart.

Deku's being the largest of all.

If he had done that, said that, acted that way to his best childhood friend… and now, with this new situation, had anything really been different? He beat up people in an official setting for a school Festival. He still beat them up with his quirk .

He still did irreparable damage.

He still did everything he said he didn't want to do.

It was clear as day to him now.

He always made promises. He would do this for himself, that for Deku, and something else for his parents. And yet, when had he fulfilled them? Instead he brought disappointment and destruction everywhere.

He was breaking his promise to Deku right now and he had broken his promise to himself not long ago.

There really was nothing left for him to salvage.

"KACCHAN!"

It all sounded so far away, he wasn't even quite sure who was talking to him… if someone even was. After all, who would want to talk to him after all the damage he had caused? All the lives he had permanently impacted… fuck what had he done?

His head started to pound.

An explosion.

A crying shout.

It all made him dizzy, the pain increasing in his head like a pathed up well whose pressure was so great it was seconds away from bursting.

Katsuki grasped his head in his hands, not paying attention to where he was falling. It could be a bed of nails or a shark tank for all he cared, he just wanted it all to stop. The pain circulating through his head, the endless amount of pain he seemingly inflicted onto others, his life, all of it he just wanted to end.

Suddenly, Deku's face came to mind.

Deku, his kind, pure, empathetic best friend who had only been hurt by Katsuki. If Katsuki wasn't there wouldn't it have prevented all of that? If Katsuki was never able to use his quirk, wouldn't the other boy be free?

Another spike was driven through Katsuki's head.

"AUGHHHHH" His scream was all he could do to get the emotions out, to free himself from the internal battle that plagued his mind to no end. He wanted it to stop, but did he deserve to have it stopped?

Boom boom

There were explosions going off in his head, people hurting, and there was nothing he could do about it. He couldn't control his quirk. It would set off at random and when he reached to help them, instead all they got was a direct blast.

Boom boom boom

People he had cared about even a slightest bit, those who he would have considered friends, like Eyebags. That was gone now, after seeing his quirk and experiencing it, Eyebags would have nothing to do with Katsuki.

And yet another spike joined the previous ones.

It was getting unbearable, it was-

A sharp sting connected with his cheek.

It shocked Katsuki completely, the images in his head fading and the spikes shrinking as his negative thoughts were put on standby to deal with the immediate and unknown factor that had entered. Looking up from where Katsuki found himself on the floor, eyes wide and ugly tears flowing down, he saw Deku with his arm poised out.

Deku had just slapped him.

And he had never before been more grateful for someone slapping him. If he hadn't slapped him, Katsuki was sure he would've been writhing in pain from the horrible revelation he had just made. The one that was imprinted on his brain, but now he finally had time to breathe.

"Kacchan?" Deku finally asked, voice hoarser than Katsuki remembered it being. He had to assume it was because of all the yelling out for him, of which he hadn't heard, too lost in his own personal nightmare to see.

"I'm fine." He managed to croak out after a few moments of gasping, definitely not looking nor acting fine whatsoever.

"No, you're not fine." Deku challegend, supporting Katsuki's body as he helped him up onto the bed, "What happened?"

That question alone almost thrust Katsuki back into the depths of his thoughts. He didn't want to tell Deku what happened, because then he'd feel bad for making him use his quirk. That or he wouldn't understand what he was going through and offer up some false sympathizing… maybe even try to give useless advice that would never work.

"Doesn't matter, fucking nerd." Might not have been the best thing to say, but if he kept it up he could dissuade Deku from continuing the topic.

All he got in return was a sigh, as Deku took Katsuki's face in his palms and brought his eyes to become level with his own.

"Look at me." Deku said, big green eyes reflecting like pools against Katsuki's angry red ones, "I know this is about your quirk and UA, but-"

Katsuki opened his mouth to speak, but Deku beat him to it. "And listen to me, don't interrupt until I finish. Please." he nodded back with slight frustration.

"Take what advice you gave Todoroki. You are not your quirk. You used to be, but you have grown and the damage you do isn't one-sided. For every person you used your quirk against, it was legal and reciprocated. You got that?"

Katsuki's eyes widened and he nodded, as if in a trance from the words Deku was lecturing him about.
"Now that you understand how you shouldn't be feeling any guilt when using your quirk in that safe way, remember any teacher would have stepped in had you gone too far." Deku's eyes bore into him, providing an alien sense of comfort. "Finally, you should join the Hero Course because you deserve it. I know you don't think you do, but if anything do it for the both of us. So we can both live out our dreams."

'Is that enough?" Katsuki asked in a small voice, "Is it enough for there to be special circumstances for my quirk and to make the us of years ago proud?"

"I don't know." Deku answered truthfully, moving his arms away from steadying Katsuki's shoulders. "Our lives currently don't have much meaning. I'm not supposed to be here and neither are you, so even a small potential for something we wanted should be taken advantage of."

"You're saying that we're going to fail?"

"No, just that if we do, it won't be that much of an impact." There was a certain truth to his words, as sad as they were. Only Katsuki could see Deku, which he knew made him a little anxious and he waited for Katsuki to live through those experiences for him. Even as things began to unravel at the threads, there wasn't much Deku could do about anything but impart his wisdom. Katsuki on the other hand, was more of an empty shell of a person. (Coincidentally, a shell that Deku fit perfectly when possessing him or whatever freaky shit took place). And empty shells were great for suicide missions.
"When." Katsuki corrected with a light huff. "When I fail, you mean."

"Kacchan, no," Deku shook his head, frowning, "If you fail. I know you won't. You have drive and determination, you have reasons to fight hard for what you want. So why are you giving up so easily?"

Those words hit him particularly hard. As though a wave had just smashed into him as he was standing on the coastline, completely unmoving and still.

Reasons to fight with all determination, was it?

Those began to surface to his mind, the memories he had of a younger version of himself claiming he was going to become a hero with Deku right there alongside him (although he might have added that part just now, the point still remained.) He did have reasons to stand up and keep walking through the mud holding him down, not just lie in it until he suffocated. But were those reasons enough? Was his past drive and current determination to live for Deku really worth all the fear and pain he would have to go through as a result of having used his quirk to put lives in danger.

No, not lives.

Never would it be worth lives.

No one had been in any kind of real danger, it was all safety done, or at least he tried reminding himself. But he couldn't say it was successful as the small clips of him being in the infirmary along with those he had battled against flashed in his mind. He had caused all of that.

All the pain and loss… wasn't he to blame?

Controlled or uncontrolled, it happened and he was the common variable.

Almost as if reading his mind, Deku cried out.

"Kacchan. Stop it" Deku was almost pleading to him in the way he whined, "You wouldn't have accepted anything but a win against everyone who was your opponent. You were strong, you are strong, enough to beat them all."

And so he did beat them. The strong come out on top while the weak falter and fail. It was easy to assign such arbitrary terms when he was looking at the battles from a distance. But really, up close it wasn't cut that cleanly, instead jagged and uneven. He wasn't strong in the way Deku wanted him to be, just in the way where he could defeat his opponents and leave them as broken shells.

"No, no, I can't-" He began, ready to start a counterargument and show Deku that he was actually wrong.

"Shhhhh" Deku didn't let him finish, "Remember that all of this is for a reason. Why you started using your quirk and why you continued to. Just be open to the idea that you can learn how to protect others, you can learn how to be better. "

It sounded ideal. He really did want to learn how to protect people, better than the weakness he displayed for Deku. The care, loss, angry tendencies, all of it he couldn't let get to him.

Ideally it sounded great, but he was unconfident that he could pull it off.

The main issue Katsuki ran into was that there was always something holding him back, some gut feeling that he wasn't good enough or couldn't do it.

If all he had to do was be open to the idea of being in the course, it would be fine. That didn't mean accepting it, just to make Deku happy.

He would be fine. Even if he knew there was no possible way he could accept it, no possible way all his broken pieces could be glued back together into a masterpiece.

He would think about it for Deku. He would try his best to conceptualize that because all of it was for a distinct reason, he could make it to the path of a hero. All he had gone through was to make him a better person, one that was finally fit to be a hero.

Or at least that's what he'd like to think, no matter how unconfidendent and frightful he was.

"Will you give it a day, just for me?" Deku's eyes begged him as he clutched his hands together. Katsuki gave him a small, sad, smile "Only for you."

Deku's grin was huge. He leapt up in joy, going in to hug Katsuki firmly for listening to him. "Kacchan, I know you have a lot of burden on you, but let me help you."

Katsuki hugged back, contemplative. Could he really let Deku help him when all he had done was make an insult to the other boy's memory? Deku shouldn't be focusing on him, when he had himself to think of.

But, Katsuki couldn't help being selfish and wishing Deku would stay with him forever and always stay by his side. It was a battle of his wants and Deku's needs… A balance had to be achieved, one that Katsuki was failing to honor in all aspects.

"Oh! That reminds me Kacchan, I have a favor to ask of you…" Deku pulled back from the hug and began to twist his fingers together, clearly nervous.

Oh! Katsuki nearly chuckled, just when he was worried about Deku not focusing on himself.

"Go on."

"I have a surprise for you, well it's more of a surprise for someone else, but I think you might enjoy it too!" Deku began an anxious ramble, this time slowing it down somewhat, "But that's beside the point, I just wanted to explain why I had a favor. Oh right! The favor! Is it alright if I don't come into school with you?"

Katsuki let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He wasn't sure what exactly he had expected to come out of Deku's mouth, but he had been preparing for the worst.

Notions of him leaving forever, of him saying he was done with Katsuki, starting a new argument, or anything potentially worse. And it wasn't that he didn't trust Deku, as he had previously implied to, but he didn't trust himself. The fear of being left alone haunted his every thought and action, but at least for now he was comforted with the thought that it wouldn't be today.

He could hold onto Deku for a little longer now, and have the luxury to be curious about whatever surprise was in store for him. There wasn't much Deku could do realistically with the way he could interact with things, so Katsuki was pretty intrigued by it (also nervous because what the fuck could it be? But he'd ignore that side of him for now.)

"Do whatever the fuck you want Deku, I ain't your parent."

The beam Katsuki got in return felt like it was worth any of the pain he had to endure.

---

Katsuki was not looking forward to going back to school in the slightest bit.

Especially because Deku wasn't going to be there to laugh with him,

He wasn't sure how his classmates would be treating him now, and he certainly didn't want to find out. Although, if they started being all nice to him because they knew what he could do, he would be infuriated.

He had learned his lesson from what happened with Deku, he didn't need extras to worship him for his quirk, they could all go fuck themselves. The second some new hot shit came along, they'd abandon him in a heartbeat.

Because of that, part of him wanted to go back to normal where they would make snide comments at him. He didn't want any of the extremes, no tossing him into the dirt and getting physical. Maybe just toleration, at best. That he could easily live with.

Still, his anxiety about how the day was going to go wouldn't be ending anytime soon. They heighted while he made his way there and were at their peak as he stood right outside the U.A doors.

He had until the end of the week to get back to the teachers at U.A if he was going to join the Hero Course or not, and while his opinion had changed from an absolute no to undecided, he would enjoy the time he had, devoid of threats from Double Eyebags, at the bottom tier of the school, just how he liked it.

Unnoticeable and untraceable.

He knew whether he wanted it to or not, that was soon about to change. He would be on everyone's radar unfortunately. That's exactly what terrified him more than anything, he wanted to just be another high school student and give out his life with Deku by his side. But no, he just had to use his quirk and prove his worth, he had to give a shit.

Katsuki didn't know how long he stood at the entrance, mulling it all over in his head, before he ultimately decided to head into the building. If the thumbs up Deku gave him was any indication, he tried his best to look at the upside of it, which was that no one would want to come up to him now. He just needed himself and Deku, that was it.

He tried to hide himself as he slipped in the doors, slinking down the hall. However, it was clear that everyone had been on the lookout for him to gauge if he was really the person who had managed to beat every Hero Course student he went against.

Fucking extras.

The last round was only a fluke anyway, were they that idiotic? He was nothing at all, just a student who was able to use what he had and barely make it by each challenge.

But as he walked down the halls, he quickly realized the problem with the idea that no one would come up to him. It was true, but it created a problem much worse than he had expected.

Everyone was whispering about him behind his backs, but no one had any decency or guts to say it straight to his face. He didn't care what they were saying, if he was a hero or villain, because only he knew what he truly was, but the hushed words and hidden glances?

Come on.

It was so obvious it made them look stupid instead of whatever little game they had been expecting. Katsuki certainly wasn't a player although he could spectate and observe all these dumbasses trying to get in on the gossip centered around him.

It was tiring and pathetic, not to mention cowardly and inefficient,

If you want to know the truth to a rumor, fucking ask him. It'd prove you have enough guts to stand on a stage higher than the rest anyway, so you had to be even a little decent. Clearly no one here was.

Though, it wasn't like Katsuki could voice any of this practically. It would only be good for creating a scene which he definitely had no interest in doing. He wanted less attention focused on him, not more attention. That would be pure torture.

However, as he made his way to his Class 1-C classroom, Katsuki soon realized all that had simply been wishful thinking. The students all turned and stared at him the moment he had entered, bag slung over his shoulder as per usual. It was like a staring contest but Katsuki was up against six other people, who had also made it there a few minutes early. Luckily, the second he sat down in his desk chair the classmates surrounding him returned back to whatever they were discussing.

Only for him to hear his name.

Great. More about him, what he had done on a moral and physical standpoint, his explosive nature and prones to burst, all of it was remarked just within his range of hearing. Probably on purpose… this was happening to him huh, and in his own class too? He needed a break.

Looking around the room, trying to find something else he could focus on until the morning class started that would calm down all the talking and consequently, the rumor spreading. He had more time than he wanted to, but he quickly spotted his new very tired target.

Target of attention, not affection nor murder, Katsuki had to remind himself as he breathed in and out deeply as if he was reciting a secret chant.

In his usual spit, Eyebags laid.

If there was someone Katsuki could count on not to bother him constantly and talk about him in hushed whispers, it would be Eyebags, even despite all that had happened.

It did suddenly occur to him that he had never considered Eyebags' perspective in his own fear and resentment, however he didn't know if it was too late for that or just didn't think it would change anything. Katsuki couldn't say he was particularly good at it anyway, preferring actions over words and ignoring any social issues he may come across unless they get addressed for him.

Yeah, it was a wonder how he was truly able to make it this far within life and school. Well, not exactly because of his strong quirk, but it was still an important point. His quirk was no longer there to force others into obedience. He was like a rich person whose life savings had been stolen and then were dropped on the streets. All of his rich 'friends' despised him because of what he lacked, as such they weren't true friends in that sense.

It was scary the parallels within a society of being rich and having a plentiful quirk. Both of those ideas Katsuki had come to hate with a vengeance due to the unfairness it brought to kids like Deku.

Fucking genetics had so much control over everything. It was pretty scary actually, the more in-depth Katsuki let his mind wander into the topic. He had been a few minutes early anyway, so if he wanted to spend his time cussing out society and individual people who made it so, he would do that just fine.

Although, as expected, that time did have to come to an end when Cementoss calmly sauntered into the room to take attendance. Of course, before that many more of Katsuki's classmates had streamed in and contributed to the world of gossip. He chose to ignore that in favor of his daydreaming, which was far more productive.

However, once the teacher entered the room, Katsuki knew he wouldn't be able to have that same peace as in the mornings, it wasn't only attendance taken. But general school-wide events or announcements were also given to the student body. Of course, this would somehow draw to the Sports Festival results in which Katsuki would be forced to face the reality that his classmates were never going to let up about it, whether positive or negative was to be determined. To be completely honest, any attention that he would be getting, Katsuki saw as negative, even if everyone started to bow down and pray at his feet right now which was only dreamed about by some people.

And now, as Katsuki predicted, it was time to address the elephant in the room.

"As most of you know, the Sports Festival has concluded." He was straight to the point, which Katsuki could respect to a certain degree. "Here in the room, we have the first place champion, Bakugou Katsuki, so make sure to give him your congratulations. It isn't everyday a General Course Student is able to win."

Ouch. That definitely dealt a considerable blow to the rest of his classmates. There were many ways of congratulating him and what he had barely achieved (he still didn't count it) without disgracing the entire class and putting him up on a pedestal as the model student. Something which Katsuki could in no way, shape, or form, adequate to.

Shit, way to turn up the pressure and polarization.

Thanks a ton.

Katsuki didn't want to hear anymore, choosing to zone out as not to let himself be angered by the ease in which Cementoss felt he could throw such words out.

It wouldn't erase the fact that his classmates had to hear them and feel humiliated, but at least he didn't have to add another mental burden to himself. He had enough of those to contemplate his existence for days.

It would not be pleasant though, so Katsuki refrained from it. He wouldn't allow his deep sink into his thoughts to become something he couldn't pull out from, just a blank slate. And once the bell rang, he had no baggage that dwelled with him. Moving from class to class, his day was like any other.

Minus the weird stares, gossiping, and lack of bullying. It was a bit bewildering that no one had tried to comment something harsh to his face, but at the same time he understood it. No one wanted to face him right now, they were all scoping him out and waiting for the gossip to die down.

Then it would probably continue, as was the nature of life. It would all be going back to normal despite the special circumstances which had occurred and Katsuki couldn't bring himself to mind that at all. Even if it didn't, all he would expect was to be left alone, no one really making an effort.

At least that's what he thought until lunchtime.

He hadn't put much thought at all into where he should plan on sitting or where he was going to go, as the cafeteria was a definite no and he could no longer rely on the roof. Eyebags and Plant Girl were most likely up there, or maybe they weren't but oddly Katsuki felt like that would end up hurting even more. It accompanied the idea of him always being left behind for something or someone else - an idea he would rather not think about anytime soon.

And so, he had nowhere to go.

He also didn't know the exact amount of peskiness those Class 1-A students were, or if they still had any interest in him so it wasn't like he was completely off the hook so long as he avoided both the cafeteria and the roof.

A sudden idea came to him, but he shot it down just as quickly. He thought of broom closets, but they were far too uncomfortable and stuffy enough that Katsuki wasn't even sure if eating in a room like that could be considered a health hazard.

But after a few more ideas and evaluations later, some of which involved the bathroom (too stinky), the classroom (too occupied), another random classroom (too awkward), and wandering the halls so no one could pinpoint his location, he setted that he would wander. It seemed the safest of all his proposed choices and avoided any direct confrontations.

If only he were so lucky as to have that come true.

Katsuki strutted down the halls, posture slightly askew as he clutched his lunch in one hand, chopsticks which he used to pick at it in another. He was walking at a moderate pace, but one fast enough to glide past all of the looks and words thrown in his direction.

Clearly he wasn't going fast enough to go unrecognizable as a red blur passed by him. At first, Katsuki made no note of this occurrence, continuing to munch away on his satisfactory lunch. Maybe it was because of that, that he especially did not expect to hear a very familiar and annoying voice call out to him from behind.

"Hey! Bakugou!"

Ah shit.

He knew that voice, because it had been bothering him non stop whenever the owner of it crossed his path. That fucking Shitty Haired idiot, was now the bets time to reach out to him? Just when he had been revelling in the glory that was not having to worry about anyone coming up or trying to talk to him.

Instead of engaging in conversation with the approaching redhead, Katsuki did what he seemed to be great at nowadays - running away with gusto and not glancing back for anything.

While carrying his lunch, this definitely proved to be a struggle, but the second he bolted for the stairway he seemed to have lost the other boy.

That was, until the dreaded voice spoke up one more and sunk Katsuki's gut.

"I augh couldn't ooh catch you today," He seemed out of breath, the exercise he was doing probably wasn't cardio-based, "But we… We do need to talk. Tomorrow, I promise!"

His voice was too joyful for such a declaration that caused Katsuki to want to shrivel up and never come to school.

It was a bit too late for that though.

That feeling of dread never really left him even long after lunch had finished and it was time for him to go back home. Reflecting back, he was lucky to have had such a normal day, except for the entire lunch fiasco that he still couldn't wrap his head around. But even with that in mind, Katsuki found himself not really caring that much and instead relaxing the slightest bit. He was able to avoid any mass issues, keeping to himself just the way he thought it would be on his very first day. Even without Deku with him, which would've made things that much better, he was able to carry and handle himself fine.

With no incident.

Well, with a very small incident.

He had played his cards, and now all he had to do was bide time until his classmates could draw and play their own. Time in which he would be utilizing to his upmost abilities (by utilizing he meant building up his "not giving a fuck" reserves as they were being depleted the longer he went on). However, as he walked out of the school grounds after a somewhat successful day of school, he couldn't help but push all the day's events to the back of his head, and instead focus on looking for Deku's presence.

The other boy's previous statement about a surprise had been stuck on Katsuki's mind all day, lurking in his every thought, making him wonder just what it could be. Just what did Deku have up his sleeve for Katsuki? If Katsuki would even like it, that was another concern he held. And now that the day had ended, he was more curious and apprehensive than ever before.

"Kacchan!" Well speaking of the devil, he heard a faint whisper-yell coming from his upper left somewhat startling him and making him jump. As he focused on the spot where his nickname had been called (there was only one person this could realistically be), he could see Deku, who was half hiding behind some bushes… in case someone spotted him? Even if that wasn't really possible, the boy was doing a horrible job at hiding. He was boisterous waving Katsuki over, excitement written in every movement he made. "Come here, come here!"

Without looking too suspicious, Katsuki lightly jogged over to where Deku was hiding, not too far from U.A grounds, (he hoped his behavior at the current moment wouldn't be raising any questions.)

"What?" He whispered back harshly, being the only person who actually needed to keep his voice down as opposed to Deku.

"I couldn't wait for the surprise! I was too excited and was waiting out here for you to finish, although I realize I could've just gone in." Deku continued to whisper, much to Katsuki's chagrin. It wasn't needed but it oddly comforted him to see such pure and normal behavior from the other boy.

"Get to the point." He was a bit uncomfortable hiding behind some bushes right outside his school, but Deku's pure joy had rubbed off on him and made it so that he really didn't seem to mind it all that much.

"Right of course," Deku seemed to have gathered himself and sheepishly smiled at Katsuki, "There's someone I want you to meet."