Disclaimer: I wrote this quite a while ago, and one of the saddest days I've come to know is approaching. Something short, but definitely sad.
Remembering Barry Frost.
Today was a day Jane had wished wouldn't hurt so bad, it's been nine years since the loss of her friend, her work partner Barry Frost. Everyday seemed empty even as she moved to Quantico, the years passed by and Jane has been trying so hard to move on, to stop hurting from this pain. She missed the sound of his voice, the way he laughed at Korsak being weirdly obsessed with pet videos at work, the way him and Frankie got into little predicaments over girls or that damn robot action figure. She knows it's probably silly, but she still has it with her. After everything she left in Boston she would always have this, the constant reminder of her friend. She never forgot about him and he was always on her mind. Today was the anniversary of his death, the worst day Jane never imagined happening in her lifetime. He was gone too soon and it left a hole in her heart, a part of her would always be gone.
She sat on her couch in her condo, grasping the robot in one hand and beer in the other, tearing off the label of her favorite beer. She supported it and allowed herself to cry. What she would give to be able to talk to him again, get him to smile, joke with him, but it was quiet and the only thing she could hear were her cries of pain, of a loss that would never go away.
She closed her eyes, silently wishing that it was her who had gotten in that accident, that Frost could still be here, that he could succeed in life just like she knew he would. He had a lot to live for and Jane felt like this pain of missing him would never stop.
She had fallen asleep for a couple hours, she hated crying herself to sleep, but there was nothing else to do, it's what she did ever year since the loss of Barry Frost. This date will always be noted as the worst day in the world and she was all alone, it might have been her doing, but Boston wasn't her home anymore, this was. Jane managed to push herself off of the couch, and grabbed her blanket from the couch wanting to go sit on her back patio. As she placed her hand on the doorknob she heard a knock on her front door. She didn't want visitors, not now, not today. Jane told herself she would shoo the person away, that was until she opened the door and seen who she wasn't expecting at all.
"May I come in?"
Jane missed that voice, but unfortunately it wasn't the voice she had been wanting to hear. It wasn't Frost, much to her disappointment, wishing that all of these years of losing her friend she would one day wake up and that it would all be a horrible dream and that she could go to work the next day and see him, just like she always did. Maybe if he was still alive she wouldn't be here, maybe she'd feel like Boston was a home again.
"Jane? May I come in?" she managed to try again, Jane looked at the woman in front of her, almost forgetting Maura Isles was standing right in her doorway.
"I- um..." she didn't know what to say, so she just stepped to the side.
"Thanks, I hope you don't mind me dropping by, I knew what day it was and I didn't want you to go through it alone. I'm here, even if you don't want to say anything," Maura slipped out of her heels and went to go sit on the couch. Jane sighed, moving to sit on the couch with Maura, but on the other side of it.
The former detective rubbed her temples, "You didn't have to come you know."
Maura nodded, "I know, but I've missed you and I hate knowing you're alone today."
"I've been alone on my own on this day the years since I left Boston. You haven't come any of those times, so why today?"
Maura shrugged, "Like I said, I've missed you."
Jane looked over at her best friend, "Yeah, I'm sure you have."
"You know that I've been busy Jane, but I don't want to argue today. I just want to be in your company."
"Today shouldn't be like this, this day nine years ago we were supposed to be welcoming Frost back from his trip. He was supposed to come back in one piece. Ever since that moment, everything has changed, even things that shouldn't have changed did."
"I never wanted things to change between us Jane, I'm sorry that we drifted apart after you moved here."
"It was expected Maura, I moved, people lose touch when that happens, being down here is much better than being in Boston where all the horrible things have happened in our lives."
"So you don't miss Boston at all?"
"Of course I miss Boston, but things just weren't the same. I actually felt miserable being there."
"We all miss you in Boston, you know your mother wanted to come down here to see you so bad, but I knew you wouldn't have wanted to see her today, you never liked being with your family on this day. Are you honestly happy here though? Away from everyone you love?"
Jane turned to face Maura, a frown on her face, "Don't Maura, don't try to guilt trip me."
"I'm not trying to guilt trip you, I just wanted to ask."
The raven haired woman stretched her feet out onto the coffee table, taking the blanket and curling up beneath it. "It's not easy being away from you or my family, okay?"
Maura ran a hand over her face and scooted over closer to Jane, "I'm sorry Jane, I shouldn't pry. Can I?"
Jane glanced at her friend and nodded, wrapping the blanket over the both of them like they did so many times before. "Can we not talk anymore, can we just sit here?"
"Sure Jane, I'm here alright? Whatever emotions you're feeling I want you to feel them. You can be open to me about anything, you know that right?"
Jane nodded, "I guess I just need reminding every now and again. I wish there wasn't any pain of missing him, life without him sucks," she rested her head on Maura's shoulder and the other woman wrapped her arm around Jane's shoulder, running her arm up and down. "I love you Maura Isles. Even though it doesn't seem like it right now, I'm glad that you're here with me."
"I wouldn't be anywhere else Jane Rizzoli," she pressed a kiss to the top of Jane's head, causing her to snuggle up closer to her best friend. Jane was glad for the presence of her best friend, she could picture Barry looking down at them with a smile on his face saying 'I told you so' after all the years Jane spent denying her feelings for the woman next to her. Barry knew, but he wouldn't ask about it, just tease her. She missed that lightheartedness he brought to life. Barry Frost was missed and he would always be missed. Now and until forever. Life just wasn't the same without him.