Being born was a…terrifying experience. First, it was just murky darkness around you, and your minuscule limbs kicking and punching around like a small ferret trapped in a plastic bag. Then there was the squeeze—that was the most uncomfortable part—then there was light.

I didn't know what to think of my situation. The sensations of being born whilst you are fully conscious enough to experience all. The memories of Bob Hasek flooded my mind, the memories of his life, his heroic deeds, and his afterlife. He honestly felt like a different person. Was it because my thoughts now flow like a raging river rather than a thick viscous tar? Was it because I'm no longer slow?

Maybe.

But alas, now I find myself in quite the predicament.

"Coochie, coochie coo!" the midwife said as she tickled my belly.

This…was rather undignified. But amongst Bob's memories, it was by far one of the least embarrassing things that happened to me. Now that I'm no longer slow, a scan through my previous self's memories showed many many shenanigans that I somehow seem to have found myself in without much effort, if any at all. Slow Bob knew no social norms, common sense was but a mere suggestion to his everyday functions. If he wanted to wear his pink onesie flamingo pyjamas to his older cousin's wedding? He'd do it. If he wanted to laugh like a lunatic from watching cat videos in a packed movie theatre? He'd do it. Forks and spoons? Why bother nerfing your eating speed? Bob made quite a scene at local diners.

I sighed.

And the amount of stupid shit that happened to Bob's short life? He was probably the unluckiest man alive. He'd been through gun robberies, hostage scenarios, natural disasters, and house fires. He'd been punched, kicked, beaten, shot. Honestly, it was a miracle Bob hadn't died sooner. Along the way, he did many stupidly-lucky-he-didn't-die good deeds which were how he made most of his friends, though only a few stuck around. The few that did had, loved him. That was why Tom and his cousin Haley only laughed out loud and gave him a hug when Bob showed up at the wedding wearing what he did.

Now here I am, Bob but not Bob.

"Coochie coochie coochi coo! Jin-kun~"

Goddamit woman! I'm having an internal monologue here!

"Stop! Stop it right this instance!"…was what I wish I'd said.

But instead, I made baby noises and gibberish wails. I didn't know whether these people would freak out if I started speaking proper sentences but I did not want to find out. Maybe they'd murder me after saying I was demon-possessed or something.

That was another thing slow Bob didn't foresee—then again he'd never thought ahead of anything—was the language and cultural situation over here in the Elemental nations. They were speaking what sounded like Japanese…and I understood them. How?

Perhaps that Gandalf guy did me a favour and installed Japanese into my brain system or something. He acted kind of weird in the last few moments of our brief interaction.

Speaking of which, didn't he say that there was a system or something? From Bob's memories of video games and anime, I was familiar with the concepts of RPGs. Maybe the system was like that? I'd have to check it out later.

For now though…

"Aren't you adorable little Jin! Coochie coochie coo!"

I sighed.

When the midwife left me in my little cradle for a while, I took a moment to make out what I can from my situation. I was in the Elemental Nations from Naruto, I don't know when in the timeline I'm currently existing in, and I haven't figured out where exactly I am. I hope it's Konoha. No, I pray it's Konoha because at least I know something about it from cannon.

In regards to the so-called 'system.'

I turned my oversized head around to try and look for any signs of life around me. No one was there. The midwife never left me alone for too long, that lady seemed to have more energy than anyone I'd ever seen. I don't think she even slept!

I shuddered.

Out loud, I said: "System."

And lo and behold, a screen popped out:

Name: Jin Takezuchi (Level 1)

Age: 4 weeks old

Stats:

Toughness: 1

Agility: 0

Stamina: 1

Cunning: 5

Charisma: 4

Chakra Capacity: 0

Skills:

Ambidextrous (level 1)

Dancing (level 1)

Breathing (level 1)

Affinities:

Earth Affinity (level 1)

Kekkei Genkai:

[Lust Release] (Level 1)

Jesus. The stats seemed a bit basic. Toughness? does that just mean strength and durability? If so, then I'm guessing agility covers things like speed and balance. Stamina was pretty straightforward. Cunning was the highest of them all, though I don't know why. Maybe it's because I remembered my past life? Maybe it's just another gift from that old man. Hmm. Eh, Whatever. Spending 15 years as Bob Hasek made me glad that at least I have a normal functioning brain. Charisma was how good I looked…which was something I didn't really know about because I've yet to see myself in a mirror. Chakra capacity was at zero. Perhaps it was because my chakra coils haven't formed yet, or maybe it was because I haven't understood how channelling chakra works. Nonetheless, it was something I had to fix. Controlling the elements and whatnot was cool as shit dammit.

Huh…I noticed I'm internally swearing a lot lately. Was Bob always like this if he'd had internal thoughts in the first place?

…

So be it.

Onto my skills. Ambidextrous was sort of useful. Dancing and breathing on the other hand…I mean seriously? Dancing in the shinobi world? Since when did anyone have time for that?! And breathing!? I mean, breathing is super good, you sort of need it to be alive but breathing as a skill?! Why? Why is that a thing?!

Oh my.

Oh my Gandalf?

I think I just crapped my pants. No seriously. I just did. I can feel it.

Lord help me.

While I wait for the Midwife to come back and change my loincloths, I studied my affinity. Earth affinity was one of the five basic affinities along with fire, wind, lighting and water. Having an affinity didn't usually mean that one could not use jutsu from other affinities but rather one could use the aligned affinity to a greater degree whilst being far more chakra efficient. Earth was amazing defensively and was good against just about anything other than lightning—which was its natural counter. It was something that I needed to get worked on asap. How exciting!

Then…

then…there was that…[Lust Release]…

Oh boy if that didn't sound like bad news…lust affinity…was it like some sort of sexual manipulation? because I'm sort of uncomfortable about that. Even in this cut-throat world, it didn't feel right to manipulate someone for my own treacherous benefit but then again, perhaps I still haven't dipped my toes yet into the sea of blood that is shinobi life. Damn it, Bob, why did you think that this was a good idea?

Oh right…

"I don't want to feel powerless anymore"

Even now as Jin Takezuchi, that was one thing that rang and resonated with me. I refuse to be powerless. No matter the cost.

Going back to lust release, was there some sort of help section in the system? Something that could help me understand what lust release does?

Hmm…Maybe…

"Expand lust release," I said, keeping my voice as quiet as possible.

…

Nothing.

"Show me information on lust release."

Nothing

"What the fuck is lust release, goddammit!"

[Lust Release: A new Kekkei Genkai originating from its first user: Jin Takezuchi. This unique release allows its practitioners to gain permanent increases in all stats through the act of sexual activity with another being. More levels are needed for more information.]

Oh god.

Oh dear god.

This may be even worse than sexual manipulation. Because if there was one thing that was constant between this life and, what I dubbed, the Bob Hasek era, it was that I didn't really have game. I had no girlfriends, heck I didn't even remember the last time I even spoke to a girl my age, much less go on a date. Now I had to learn how to woo someone enough to get them to perform 'sexual actions' with me. Gandalf…why?

"Jin~" A voice called out and this time I saw that it was my mother. She was rather stunningly gorgeous…which was somewhat awkward from the topic I was just thinking about but I hoped that she passed on some of her good-looking genes to me, because I'd sure need to use them. She had silky brown hair which embraced a flawless, perfectly symmetrical face with smooth porcelain skin and these…mesmerising gold-yellow eyes, shining almost as if they were glowing. I've never even seen or heard of anyone with actual gold eyes before but considering the world that I'm in and some of the eye colours of the characters in Naruto, I figured it wasn't impossible.

"Did you have a little accident?" She cooed, tickling my tummy. "It's okay Momma's gonna give you a change and then we'll have dinner, what do you say?"

I gave a quiet and not disingenuous laugh. Bob's mother had passed away before I got to know her. This may be another chance in fate to know what it's like to have motherly love.

"And good news too!" Mother said as she changed my diapers, "your father's coming home tonight from his mission!"

Oh? This was honestly the first time I've heard about my father. Honestly, I didn't even think I had one and from the sounds of it, he seemed to be a ninja!

Mother lifted me up and started rocking me. "Okay, Jin-kun! Are you hungry, are you huuungry?"

Huh. How….enthusiastic.

Then she did as she'd done many times before and fed me to her milky, milky goodness. Yikes, this is uncomfortable…and not in small parts, humiliating. Doesn't matter how attractive this woman is, it is completely unacceptable as a man to be coddled and sucking on another's teets like this.

Please!

Save me!

Gandalf!

The squeaking of the door alerted me to another presence in the room. It was a tall, broad-shouldered man with red hair and red eyes. He smelled faintly of smoke and cigars and had a face-splitting grin attached to him.

I had no clue who he was. Perhaps this man was my father?

To be safe though…

"WAAAAAHHHH," I cried out which alerted my sleeping mother from her bed.

"Jin?" she asked, "What's wrong, sweetie?"

Then she caught sight of the man and froze. He, too, was like a deer caught in headlights as he caught sight of her. The two people just stared at each other like long-lost lovers from one of those sappy romance movies.

"WAAAHH!" I screamed again which prompted them to break free from whatever spell that was cast on them.

"Hotaru!" Mom exclaimed.

"Miyu!" the red-haired man shouted with his arms held wide and tears flowing from his face.

The two embraced. Huh, so that man was my father. Alright, crisis averted. I didn't know what I would have done should he have been an enemy but I was only a baby. It wasn't like I could do anything other than cry and shit all day.

"And this is little Jin," father said with tears in his eyes, turning his attention to me, "I'm so sorry I didn't make it back in time…"

"At least you're here now honey," mother grabbed his arm, "go see him."

When the man picked me up, I could feel the roughness of his hands even through my baby garments. It was calloused and held vast strength between its digits. This man was a shinobi, there was no mistake.

I gave him a little smile to greet him, and he just about burst into more tears before hugging me.

"Jin!" He exclaimed, his tone almost relevant.

Nope. Absolutely not.

I gave him a kick. I did not want to be hugged by a grown-ass man. Get. me. out. of. here!

I punctuated all my thoughts with more kicks to his face.

The man fake sobbed…or maybe he was sobbing for real "J-Jin-kun. Papa's sorry! so please stop kicking him…"

He was sobbing for real…pathetic.

I gave him another kick just for good measure and apparently it was enough for him to put me down.

"So cruel Jin-kun…" the man sulked.

All the while, mother snickered behind him.

Something was absolutely not normal about this place.

For one matter, I just saw my father grope my mother's midwife right in front of her…all whilst my mother was right there looking at the two without batting an eye…

Alright. Something fishy was going on here. My gobsmacked expression must have shown on my face because my father looked at me and smiled.

"Hehe, Jin-kun!" He said, taking a weird posture and pointing to himself with his thumb, "Your father's so awesome that he's able to marry two wonderful ladies!"

My confusion also must have shown on my face because the midwife—was she even a midwife?—just glared at Hotaru.

"We aren't married Hotaru," she deadpanned, "you're still in the process of courting me."

"We aren't married yet," Hotaru corrected and stumbled forward after receiving a kick to his backside. Huh. She must have learnt that from me after my father's various attempts at picking me up and receiving my rightful backlash.

"Why is everyone kicking me nowadays…" father grumbled.

I looked at him innocently.

"It's YOU!" He exclaimed after pointing a finger at me, his expression was as if he had a sudden epiphany.

"Stop blaming the baby for your stupidity!" mother said as she kicked him in the face.

"Why meee~" my father cried as he stumbled to the corner.

So as I've found out, harems were a thing…

I didn't remember any of that in Naruto…makes me wonder what else has changed.

For now though, I was working on something else I had in mind. As I'd seen previously with my attempts to show more details of [Lust Release], it turns out that maybe I don't need to say things out loud to use the system functions. I figured it was all about intention.

Identify!

Which was what I was trying to do now. I was trying to gain some sort of new skill which would allow me to observe and identify things around me like what I saw through Bob's memories of MMORPG video games. I didn't know if it would work but it wasn't like I had anything else to do other than try.

Identify!

Nothing.

Observe!

[Ding!]

The sound of the notification filled my soul with joy…then my eyes bulged in shock at what I saw.

Meanwhile…

"…Honey?" Hotaru said.

"Yes, dear?" replied his wife, Miyu.

"Why is our baby glaring at me like that?"

Miyu turned to the sight of her son, Jin, with his eyebrows all bunched up and looking in concentration at his father.

"…maybe you're wearing something weird?" she suggested.

Hotaru looked at his chibi tanuki pyjamas.

"…but it's comfortable." He said sullenly.

Miyu snorted and looked to her son again who changed his expression into something akin to shock.

"Oh! He stopped glaring," she said.

Hotaru turned his attention from his pyjamas back to the baby. Then he smiled.

"Maybe he finally figured out how awesome I am?" he said with a grin.

"Probably not," his wife instantly replied before going back to wash the dishes.

Hotaru returned back to sulking.

[Ding!]

[You have learnt a new skill!]

[Observe (level 1): Allows the user to observe an object in their line of sight and gleam its information]

Observation target: Hotaru Takezuchi (Level: unknown)

Age: 54

Occupation: Shinobi

…wot?

I reread what was put in boxes in my vision again. After the initial elation at learning a new skill, and the disappointment at the lacklustre information, I turned my attention to the anomaly. His Age.

54?!

He doesn't even look a day older than 25! How was this possible?!

Then I turned my attention to my mother.

Observe!

[Ding!]

[Observation has levelled up!]

Observation target: Miyu Takezuchi (Level: unknown)

Age: 63

Occupation(s): Former shinobi. Housewife

Threat level: Extremely low (relationship status)

Uhhh…63…and she definitely didn't look even close to that age.

Something weird was definitely going on here…

I could do nothing about it but shrug it off as I held my reservations until I had the opportunity to learn more about this world.

But hey look! I levelled up my skill after two uses! And it added the threat level of my targets! that's extremely useful.

I'm guessing that the initial levels of skills level up really fast and then drop off over time as per usual in video games but I'll take what I can get!

At least now I have something to do whilst I'm still a helpless baby…