Chapter 81, everybody! Yes, I know, but we have produce and until such time as the frost hits we're going to be spending most of the day outside and when we're inside it'll probably be spent canning. Good news though, I'm taking the month to work on my active fics so there should be plenty of updates when I resume regular updating in the fall.

In other news, I think I vaguely remember watching this episode back in the day. And yes, the chapter name is a reference to Bridge over the river Kwai—originally it was just titled "bike bridge" so it could stand some punching up. Ash is quoting Foxtrot by Bill Amend, by the way, while Darkrai is quoting The Road to El Dorado and Atlantis: The Lost Empire (fun movies that need more love).

As for who puts turns and a park in the middle of a bridge…the Chesapeake Bay Bridge does have a rest point/gift shop/restaurant in the middle of it, right before it becomes the Chesapeake Bay Tunnel. For a bridge with a turn…I don't know but my parents found it once (I think it was in either Louisiana or Canada).

And now for the reviews: thanks to DeathCrawler, Dragonkeeper10, griffin blackwood, Chryssal, thor94, Cyan Quartz, Reader, Guest, Unknown (Dad rode horses so I had some information :D), talesfanjmf, epantoja521, and Pokémon-Fan for the reviews! Thanks for sticking with us during these spotty updates! ^^;

Pokémon © Game Freak; Nintendo

And now, for something completely different:

In other news, the Pokémon League has been receiving complaints about biker gangs lurking around bridges and other pinch points on trainer routes. Until such time as the police force can address this issue, trainers are advised to avoid these routes when possible. If such a route is unavoidable, keep your eyes down—they might not attack if you don't make eye contact.

Misty definitely had a ton of new things to try with Psyduck, although whether or not any of it was effective was up in the air when she tried to train him.

"Okay, Psyduck, use Water Gun!" Misty said—which resulted in Psyduck looking confused for several minutes before opening his beak and spouting out a little trickle of water.

"Pretty sure that's Water Sport," Ash pointed out.

"Yeah…here, Psyduck," she said, turning him so he faced Squirtle. "Watch Squirtle use Water Gun, maybe that'll help with the visualization."

Squirtle puffed up at this declaration before using Water Gun to blast a tree across the way, dislodging an angry flock of Pidgey while he was at it.

"Okay yeah, see that?" Misty asked. "Now you try."

To be fair, Psyduck did try. And to be fair, Psyduck did pull off Water Gun.

It's just that he also didn't turn to face the tree, so Squirtle ended up getting blasted at point-blank range.

"I mean, he did do it," Ash pointed out.

"Yeah," Misty sighed. "Except next time, Psyduck, we don't blast our teammates."

"Psai yai?" Psyduck noised.

The next larger town had a sign denoting the routes leading away from it—one being a bridge across the river and heading south.

"Excellent, we're supposed to be heading south! Right?" Ash asked Brock.

"Right," Brock said, nodding. "Cinnabar is probably Kanto's southernmost holding, so we'll be needing to take that bridge."

This, however, became complicated when they reached said bridge and saw the signs on it.

"'No foot traffic allowed,'" Ash read. "'Bicycles and motor vehicles only.' Well that sucks."

"That's perfect, though!" Misty declared. "I have a bike right here!"

"You do?" Brock asked.

She did—Ash vaguely remembered it.

She pulled it out of her backpack—how it fit in there to begin with was beyond Ash—unfolded it for their perusal. Shiny candy apple red with a little bell in front and a little flag in back.

"That's great, Misty," Ash said. "But it only seats one, and there's three people that need to get over the bridge."

"Pika," Pikachu said, raising a paw.

"Oh, yeah," Misty said, looking it over before looking at them. "Well…one of us can pedal, another one can sit on the handlebars, and the last person can be carried by a certain pitch-black Pokémon."

Darkrai drifted into view. "I don't think so—I don't do carrying."

"Then what good are you?"

"Somehow, I don't think we'll be getting across that bridge," Ash said. Brock nodded agreement.

"Full restores, please."

"Sure thing," the nurse behind the desk said, accepting Pikachu and their Pokéballs. "Why so glum? Just lost a battle?"

"We're trying to get over the bridge and can't," Ash said. "They don't allow foot traffic—only cars and bikes."

"Yes, I heard about that," the nurse said, handing the Pokéballs off to a waiting Chansey. "A lot of trainers have been having to go around—it normally takes a month or more before they reach the next crossing."

"A month!?"

"Come on, a month isn't that bad," Brock told him, before leaning on the desk. "I'm sure it builds a lot of character for the trainers, don't you agree miss?" he asked the nurse.

"It sure does," the nurse replied. "My boyfriend trains over that way, and he says there's a ton of really strong Pokémon there."

"Oh," Brock noised, all the wind knocked out of him.

"Ah, man," Ash moaned, sinking to the floor. "We can't backtrack that far to go around—we'll end up taking too much time and I'll miss the League!"

"I don't suppose 'there's always next year' is going to fly, is it?" Brock asked.

Ash groaned in response.

"Well, if someone were more accommodating, we could have gotten away with using my bike!" Misty declared.

"You could always borrow the Pokémon Center bikes—" the nurse began.

Ash was immediately up. "Yes! Yes! What do we have to do?"

"And where do we leave them?" Brock asked.

"You leave them with the Pokémon Center on the other side of the bridge," the nurse said. "I have a box of medicine here that I was going to send over with the next shipment, but seeing as it's emergency medicine, sooner is better, if you catch my drift."

"We understand," Brock said, nodding. "So in exchange for us using the bikes, you want us to deliver that medicine to the next Center."

"Precisely."

"We'll do it!" Ash declared.

"Great! I'll get your Pokémon set up and get the bikes and medicine out, and then call the Center to let them know you're coming."

"Great! Thank you!" Ash called after her retreating form.

Once she was gone, he was practically dancing.

"This is great! We'll get over the bridge after all!" he cheered.

"I still like my idea," Misty persisted.

"It wouldn't have worked," Brock informed her.

"It was great of Nurse Joy to loan you guys those bikes," Misty said, glancing over her shoulder as the boys got their bearings. "And all we have to do is run some medicine over to the next center, and that'll take no time at all with the bikes!"

"Y-yeah—if we ever get the hang of this!" Brock yelped, trying to stay upright and forward moving.

"Come on, don't tell me you guys have never ridden bikes before!"

"Uh…."

"Hey, guys! Look at my progress!" Ash laughed, waving as he passed them by.

"You know, the idea was to get you up to speed, not push you the whole way," Darkrai growled.

"Aw, but you're doing such a good job."

"Do it yourself," Darkrai declared, letting go. Ash had to quickly start pedaling, but eased up after a few moments.

"Hey, what do you know," Ash said. "Riding a bike is just like riding a bike."

"Brilliant, Holmes," Darkrai said, floating along beside him.

"Pika," Pikachu added, not quite white-knuckling the basket on the handlebars.

"The faster you go, the easier it is to stay upright," Misty told them, riding beside Brock with one hand out to keep him steady. "And if you need to stop, either pedal backwards or squeeze both handles at the same time."

"I'm starting to like this," Ash said, looking at Darkrai. "Hey, I can even keep up with you!"

"Dream on, kid," Darkrai returned.

"Oh yeah? Wanna race?"

"You're on."

And with that, the two were off, Darkrai circling Ash once before shooting off.

"Ash!" Misty yelled after them. "This isn't a race!"

Too late—long gone.

"Why do I even bother?" she asked Brock.

"Because you care," Brock said, finally starting to pick up some forward momentum. "Ah, here we go."

"Well, here's hoping we can catch up with them sooner or later."

"Or that they stop at the next town over."

Ash and Darkrai, as it turned out, had stopped at a little park at the midway point of a bridge.

"I would love to know," Darkrai said once they arrived. "Firstly, who puts turns in a bridge, and secondly, who puts a park in the middle of one."

"Civic engineers," Brock declared, gasping for breath and stumbling as he tried to stop and get off without falling. Misty was more coordinated in her dismount.

"What was all that about being this awesome rare Legendary and not being seen by everyone?" she asked Darkrai.

"I wouldn't worry about anyone seeing me," Darkrai replied airily.

"We were going much too fast to be seen," Ash explained, drinking a soda.

"You shouldn't drink soft drinks to rehydrate," Misty pointed out.

"I'd heard that rumor."

"It isn't a rumor."

"So who won?" Brock asked, finally disentangling himself from his bike.

"It depends on who you ask," Darkrai said. "I know I won, but someone's rather insistent on the contrary being true."

"I'm telling you, I won that race," Ash protested.

"Whatever."

Misty shook her head. Idiots.

"Hey!"

The group started, looked over—

As a group of bikers in leather arrived and started circling them. On bicycles.

"I think someone missed the point of 'biker gang,'" Darkrai observed.

"I think so too," Ash agreed.

"Hey," what looked like the lead guy called, pointing. Ash tried not to stare at his Mohawk. "What is that thing?"

Ash exchanged glances with Darkrai.

"Oh, that?" Darkrai said, before Ash could answer. "That's a trainer. You may have seen one—they come a dime a dozen."

"I think he's talking about you, genius," Misty hissed.

"It yours?" the guy asked.

"Nope—take him," Darkrai said, shoving Ash's bike forward a little.

"Hey," Ash complained, before turning his attention to the guy. "No, he's not mine, and before you ask, no, you can't have him!"

"And what makes you think I was going to ask that?" the guy asked, affronted.

"It was the logical conclusion."

"Fair enough. But enough of you wasting our time!"

"So sorry!" Ash said, suddenly there and shaking the guy's hand—followed by Brock, Misty, and Darkrai—before hopping on their bikes and pedaling off. "Toodles!"

"That's not what I—aw, forget it! Go, Golem!"

A huge rock dropped onto the road in front of them—several flashes later had more Pokémon surrounding them, flanked by their trainers circling on their bikes.

"Okay, obviously we're going to need a different approach," Misty observed.

"Right," Ash said, reaching for one of his Pokéballs. "Go! Lenny!"

Lenny materialized in a flash of light and let out a roar.

"Gaa! The kid's got a Gyarados!" someone yelled.

"So what!" Mohawk-guy said. "We got Voltorb and Golem! Golem! Use Rock Tomb!"

"Hydro Pump, Lenny!" Ash yelled.

The Golem was blasted across the road by the pressurized jet.

"Voltorb!" someone yelled. "Zap it!"

A bolt of lightning came down—

And instead of hitting Lenny, it hit Brock's Onix.

"Lovely as this is, we're outnumbered," Brock observed. "We need a new plan."

"No, we need a distraction," Misty said.

"No, we need to cheat," Darkrai said, before lunging out and grabbing one of the Voltorb, shaking it violently before throwing it.

It exploded upon contact with the ground, sending everyone scattering.

"Okay, now you can go," Darkrai said, gesturing.

They wasted no time in returning their Pokémon and pedaling for all they were worth.

It wasn't until they reached the other end of the bridge and the city proper that they stopped, sucking in air as hard as they could to return oxygen to their brains.

Ash had the feeling Darkrai would contest that last bit.

"I don't know which is worse," Misty said. "That we were accosted by bikers, or that we're so lame that we were accosted by bikers on bicycles. It wouldn't have been as insulting if they were on motorcycles, but bicycles? Come on!"

"That is a little demoralizing," Brock agreed.

"Well, hopefully we lost them," Ash said, looking back at the bridge.

"Hopefully," Brock said, dismounting the bike with some difficulty. "Because we're on foot from here on out."

Jessie and James had procured their own two-seater with Meowth sitting in the basket. Meowth tried to focus on enjoying the wind in his whiskers and not on how demeaning it was to be sitting in the basket like some common house pet. Pleh.

"I would have thought they'd have taken the trail again," James said as they pedaled.

"Yeah, well, trainers don't seem to like backtrackin' too much," Meowth said, tasting the air—salty and maybe a touch of rain on the way. "Better pick it up a bit if you don't want ta get wet."

"Ugh," Jessie groaned, eyes shut tight and head tilted back. "Why can't these twerps use a bus or something? I'd like to actually ride somewhere for once."

"Yeah, it's definitely an improvement," Meowth said, settling into the basket some more.

"Don't even think about getting comfortable."

"Well I can't tink about pedaling—my feet don't reach da pedals!"

"Uh, guys?" James noised, squinting ahead. "There's something going on further up."

Meowth sat up, shielding his eyes and similarly peering at the road ahead. "Looks like a bunch of bikers."

"We'll be fine," Jessie said. "Just keep pedaling, act like we're just riding along because we feel like it."

"This makes me miss the balloon," James moaned.

"It's still in the shop, it'd be too conspicuous out here, and dere's a storm blowing in," Meowth pointed out. "It wouldn't have worked."

"Don't make sense—I want to moan in peace."

"Do it quieter," Jessie ordered—Meowth looked ahead to see that they were mighty close to the other bikers, enough to see that they had dressed up as motorcycle punks.

"Someone missed the point of biker gang," Meowth hissed to James in an aside. James coughed out a laugh, but otherwise focused on pedaling straight ahead.

"Hold it!" one of the bikers yelled. "No one gets past without paying us some respect! Who are you!?"

The three of them exchanged glances—could probably make it if they took off fast, but tandem bikes weren't inherently fast or maneuverable. And Meowth could see Ryder logos on some of the bikes, was willing to bet some of them were Mach bikes—they wouldn't outrun them.

Hence why Jessie and James were suddenly balancing on the bike seats, standing up in dramatic poses and managing to look composed even when the bike was wobbling.

"Prepare for trouble!" Jessie crowed.

"And make it double!" James added.

Meowth angled himself out of the basket, balancing with gritted teeth and wondering if the motto right now was a good idea. Maybe—let them know just who they were messing with. It wasn't like Team Rocket was anything to sneeze at, and humans would be more in the know than Pokémon—they'd know Team Rocket was a criminal organization that would hunt them and theirs if need be.

"Jessie!"

"James!"

"No way!" one of the bikers yelled suddenly. "Jessie! James! It is you! it's me, Steve!"

It was enough to make James lean forward in surprise—and then they all went tumbling as the bike went off balance.

"So much for coolness points," Meowth groaned, lying flat on the ground until the road burns stopped tingling. Something sniffed at him—maybe a Growlithe.

Jessie and James were quick to regain their footing. "Steve!" James barked, shaking the man's hand. "I haven't seen you in ages! How've you been?"

"Not bad, not bad—just the economy, y'know?" Steve asked, as Jessie reacquainted herself with several other members of the lame-biker-gang.

"Uh-huh, yeah—hey! What's going on here!?" Meowth demanded.

"Oh right—so this is Meowth," James said, pointing. "Meowth this is Steve, we went to high school together."

"The only guy who managed to make training wheels look cool," Steve said, patting James on the back. "But look at you! you've totally got a job don't you how do you have a job in this economy yo?"

"Team Rocket actually has a really good hiring plan," James pointed out.

"Don't forget the four-oh-one-kay and performance bonuses," Meowth reminded him.

"Those are good too."

Steve whistled. "Ah man, are they hiring? We gotta get out of Gringy City man, they literally let it go to the Grimer. And trying to farm battles on a pinch point just ain't working."

"We got totally schooled by a group of punk kids and some weird Pokémon," one of the girls talking with Jessie lamented. "Some creepy black thing."

Jessie, James, and Meowth all exchanged glances at that. "Flowy hair?" Jessie asked.

"Spiky red collar?" James added.

"More snark than all of Kanto put together?" Meowth said.

"Yeah!" Steve said, pointing. "How'd you know?"

"Dat's a Darkrai—we've been chasing it for a while now."

There were some appreciative murmurs at that. "Dude," one biker said. "That's so hardcore."

"Well that's what happens when you're a member of the premier team of the region," James said, affecting a satisfied pose.

"Biker huddle," someone declared.

"So of all the people to get any street cred, I want you two to know I never pictured you even being in a place where street cred could be seen," Meowth said.

"Hey, watch it," Jessie snapped. "I've got plenty of street cred!"

"I've got street cred up to here!" James said.

Meowth and Jessie both game him a flat look. "What?" he demanded.

"You're really going to say that when we both watched you do the Carlton dance?" Jessie asked.

"'It's Not Unusual' came on," James said stiffly. "Everyone knows you have to do it when it comes on—that's the rule."

"Dere are rules now?" Meowth asked—looked when the bikers came back.

"Hey, d'you know if Team Rocket's hiring?" Steve asked. "Cause we could really use some jobs, man. You'd be doing us a real favor."

Jessie and James exchanged glances, looked at Meowth.

"Why do youse keep looking at me?" Meowth sighed.

"Because you actually memorized the handbook," Jessie pointed out.

"Okay dat's fair," he conceded. "And I don't know—can't hurt to call and ask." They'd get weeded out soon enough, he thought.

"All right then!" James declared, righting the bicycle. "Let's go!"

"Great!" Steve said as the others retrieved their bikes. "Only, other way, okay? I'm not kidding when I say that Gringy City is the pits right now."

"Isn't that where the twerps went?" James asked Jessie.

"I'm going to say that'll be their problem," Jessie told him. "Come on—Pokémon are one thing, warm bodies are another!"

"We're not careful and we'll be looking at a serious promotion," Meowth agreed, purring as they headed back the way they came, a whole collection of bikers in tow.

Once again, a very good day for Team Rocket.