Chapter 28

"Did you have a good time with your godfather?"

They were sitting in Snape's - their - quarters eating lunch. Snape had greeted Harry when he arrived and told him to unpack, then disappeared back into the lab. This was the first time Harry'd seen him since. The question was innocent enough, but for some reason it made Harry tense.

"It was good," Harry said evenly. "We practiced some spells and last night Sirius took the twins and me out for pizza."

"Did he?" Snape said, eying Harry. "In Muggle London."

It was not a question, but the tone was even so Harry wasn't sure if he was in trouble or not. He didn't want Snape to get angry at Sirius either. He had taken a calculated risk mentioning it at all, but he knew it would be worse if he said nothing.

"Nothing happened," Harry said, almost plaintively. "Sirius used to be an Auror, and the twins are brilliant. You've been teaching me defensive spells. Shouldn't I be able to defend myself by now?"

"Against Death Eaters?" Snape said. "No. Can you defend yourself against me yet?"

Harry felt his face redden and looked down and his hands. He couldn't defend himself against Snape, even without the element of surprise. He realized he hadn't had his guard up at all last night.

"Can't I ever just be a normal kid?"

He knew the question wasn't fair. He never had been, or expected to be, a normal kid. It wasn't right to ask Snape that. He was whining. He could tell when he looked up at Snape that his guardian was thinking the same thing.

"If this was your godfather's idea, I would have expected you to demonstrate a modicum of intelligence and decline," Snape said harshly, "As we have discussed, the Weasleys are not grown adults nor fully trained wizards. I have no doubt they would do their best to protect you in a pinch, but that doesn't mean they'd succeed. Your godfather is, to put it charitably, out of practice as an Auror. Do not interrupt!" Snape held up a hand to forestall protest when he could see Harry was about to complain. "I am well aware that he trains. I have dueled him, and he is improving. I would never let him near you otherwise. He is not an Auror, Harry. Not anymore."

"Why do you even let me go over there if you don't trust Sirius?" Harry complained, leaning back in his chair.

"You are pushing the limits, Young Man," Snape said. "You are well-aware of why there are restrictions on you and what they are. When you behave irresponsibly you are only limiting yourself to fewer freedoms than you already have. Is that what you want?"

Although Harry was listening, he was still frustrated and embarrassed about being rebuked when he'd had such a good time going out with his friends. He wasn't ready to be reasonable. Lately, Harry didn't seem to feel much room for reasonable responses.

"So what, I'm a prisoner now?" Harry demanded "I'm going to be stuck inside until I knock off Voldemort?"

"No," Snape said, "but you're grounded. You know better than to talk like that."

Harry glared at him, but didn't back down. "What difference does it make? I'm stuck inside anyway."

"Harry-"

"Someone's always controlling my life," Harry continued, nearly grinding his teeth on the words. "First him, trying to kill me, then Dumbledore, who dumped me at the Dursleys and then forgot about me, now you."

Harry knew Snape still didn't approve of his tone, he could tell by the snapping of his eyes, but he didn't much care. He was on a roll now. The only concession he made was not mentioning Voldemort by name. Harry wasn't shouting but his voice was raised and he was definitely not using respectful words either.

"People were always either ignoring me or controlling me, and then there's you," Harry practically spat the words. "You do both. One minute you play the caring parental figure and the next you are the overcontrolling guardian."

Harry stood up, so quickly he almost surprised himself. "I don't need it. I don't need either. You adopted me. Okay, so fine, someone had to when my good-for-nothing blood relatives dumped me. That doesn't mean anything. Legally, you did it. On paper, I have a guardian. At school, you can go ahead and ignore me. Or just treat me like always. Shout at me and make jokes about me and compare me to my father. Punish me for things I didn't do and give me made up detentions. I don't care. I have always taken care of myself. You don't need to have anything more to do with me than that."

During the entire tirade, Snape hadn't said a word, although his normally pale skin seemed to have gone a shade or to whiter. Harry risked one more glance his way, and then turned and practically ran back to his room. He didn't have the guts to slam the door, figuring that would break the trance and have Snape swooping down on him. He just shut it firmly and threw himself down on the bed.

After about ten minutes, Harry began to relax. His heart stopped pounding. Snape hadn't followed him. He'd shouted at Snape and run off, and he was still alive.

The minutes turned into hours though, and Harry reviewed the speech in his head. The chances of Snape's silence equating to agreement were slim. Just yelling at him and telling him Harry wanted to be on his own wasn't going to do it. Harry had to admit the tirade probably hadn't convinced Snape of his maturity either.

Harry just felt so angry all the time. He might have phrased what he said more diplomatically, but that didn't mean it wasn't true. It came back to what he'd said at the beginning of the summer. He was tired of adults making decisions for him. No one had done right for him in his life so far. No one had been there for him. His life was full of people, adults, abandoning him. His parents, his godfather, the Dursleys, Dumbledore, and Remus had all abandoned him.

Why should he trust Snape?

After what seemed like days, but what must have only been a few hours, Harry looked up from his daydreams to see Snape had appeared in the doorway. He had no idea how long the man had been standing there.

"Come," he said.

Since the tone was one Harry had only disobeyed once with predictably disastrous results, he slowly stood up and followed his executioner.

The table was already set for the evening meal. Harry hadn't realized that it had gotten that late. He must have fallen asleep at some point. Without a word, he sat down and started eating. The chicken and potatoes tasted like sawdust in his mouth. He wasn't sure if it was nerves or guilt, but decided to stick to his guns and say nothing until Snape did.

Snape didn't.

The meal continued in silence. When they finished, Snape waved his hand and the remains of his plate and Harry's half untouched meal disappeared. Harry thought of the irony of the fact that when he was in trouble with the Dursleys he didn't eat for days, and here he had plenty to eat and found himself unable to do so.

Harry looked at his hands. Neither of them were talking or moving and Harry had the distinct impression that Snape expected him to say something. He idly wondered what would happen I'd he didn't. He might not be able to outlast Snape though. The man seemed to be extremely patient when he wanted to be, which was incidentally never when Harry wanted him to be.

"Sir," Harry began, "I can move to the tower."

He said it mostly to have something to say. To break the ice. Since school didn't start for two more weeks there was no way that Snape was going to let him move to the empty Gryffindor Tower.

"I'd be fine," Harry said. "All the teachers are coming back and like you said the castle won't be as empty …"

He looked up at Snape, daring to meet his eyes. He saw only exasperation. That might be a good sign.

"Are you through?" Snape demanded. "Are you quite through with this imbecilic drivel?"

"Um…"

"I'll make it easy for you," Snape said with a low-key sneer. "You are not going anywhere. And if you have another display of childish temper like you gave into this afternoon, you also won't be moving into the tower when school starts. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Sir," Harry said, looking down.

"I am not quite sure what else I can do to disabuse you of the notion that I took you in simply out of obligation," Snape continued. "Your thoughts are your own. However, I would appreciate it if you did me the courtesy of not repeatedly accusing me of such and requesting that I not fulfill my parental duty."

Snape gave him a withering look, then continued in a somewhat softer tone. "I realize that it might be somewhat difficult to have a parent in your life, after never having had one. Know this, however: I am going nowhere. You will just have to get used to that. You will also have to take the good with the bad. I am sure it can be somewhat stifling. While you had none of the advantages of a parent, you also had none of the inconveniences."

Harry put his head down. He didn't want to admit that some of what Snape was saying made sense. Either way, there was some truth to the idea that Harry wanted the freedom he'd had before without the pain. It didn't seem too much to ask. The Dursleys hadn't cared whether he lived or died. He raised his head and met Snape's eye.

"I'm just tired of being watched all the time like a little kid," Harry said. "I'm fifteen!"

"That may be so," Snape said. "But you are not an ordinary fifteen year old. Especially with the return of the Dark Lord to Corporeal form, you are a target. This may be a fact you wish was not true, but that does not change anything. Ignoring it will only make matters worse for you."

"Wait, so is this going to be like third year then?" Harry asked, a sinking feeling taking up residence in his gut. "I'm going to be trapped in the castle and escorted to every class again?"

"If you recall," Snape said, in a voice that seemed to demonstrate patience was quickly leaving him, "those safety measures included your classmates as well."

"Wait, what?" Harry asked. "What about this year? Dementors?"

"I do not know," Snape said. "Given the incident this summer, I highly doubt there will be Dementors here."

Harry breathed a sigh of relief. "What about the rest?"

"Security measures are still being discussed," Snape said. "All we know so far is that the Ministry will be involved somehow. That is why it is more important than ever for you to keep a low profile."

Sinking low in his chair, Harry groaned. It was worse than he thought. Snape was going to make him relive the misery of his third year combined with the gossip of his second and fourth. Harry belatedly wondered if homeschool was a possibility.

"So, people will talk about me because I'm crazy. I have escorts everywhere I go because there are men out to kill me all year and not just at the end, and you'll punish me if I get bad grades or act out in class. Did I forget anything?" Harry said in a voice he well knew was snappish.

"Yes," Snape said. "I will also punish you if you fail to address me with respect."

"Right, Sir," Harry said with emphasis. "How could I forget?"

Without waiting for a reply, Harry stood up, favored Snape with an exaggerated bow, and marched back to his room.